Chapter 18 Time for Change

Belle inwardly cringed as she noticed the number again for that month on the shop's ledgers. How could she have been so blind all this time? Every Saturday she had been so busy just trying to maintain the shop to use minimal effort on her father's part, that she hadn't been paying enough attention to how she could have helped both her and her father all along. She looked up at her father, he looked rather lost in thought-it was a somewhat slow afternoon for the shop.

'We need to talk, Daddy.' Her voice caused him to startle out of his stupor and look at her with a quizzical glance.

'What's that?'

'We need to talk. I've been looking at the ledger and I've been taking the money that we would normally have paid rent to Mr. Gold and put it in your own salary.'

He began to say something but Belle interjected. 'Which was fine, of course, I just don't see anything that you've bought here lately that would have shown what you're doing with the money.'

Her father went red in the face and stuffed his hands in his pockets, before putting on an air of realization and pulling up his face in indignation.

'I don't see how it's any of your business, Bluebelle, what I do with the money.'

The words' edge pricked at Belle, but she chose to carry on.

'I don't care what you do with the money, but if it's over something that can be well done without (as I have this strong suspicion you haven't been putting it into savings or anything)' her father went red again. 'If it is over something insignificant, I would rather it be put to use.'

Her father crossed his arms defensively-challenging her to speak what she was truly trying to say.

'This -me coming and working and trying to get everything to the proper working order to carry you on to the next Saturday, on top of trying to right the mess you make upstairs, is just getting to be too much for me. I'm sorry Daddy, but it is.' Her father's pained expression almost undid her.

'And I'm not spending as much time with you, or even friends that I would like to, because of it.' He at least looked like he was listening and taking in what she was saying.

'What I propose is hiring extra work.' She paused only a moment but her father countered forcefully.

'Hiring staff is expensive, Belle!' The lack of his normal term of endearment for her meant that he had been properly upset, which then caused her to stiffen for a moment.

'I know, I know.' She attempted to calm him, sweat was already appearing on his forehead that had nothing to do with the slowly emerging summertime season, and his breath started to come in short bursts-every breath frightening her to hear. 'I have an idea though.'

'You don't have to hire anyone full time, or even very many hours out of the day. I was thinking about a high school student after school on the weekdays for a couple of hours to help you with deliveries. Even just a couple of hours a day to allow you more time to work in the shop and keep things going would be helpful. I can still do the bookwork on the weekends but it will give me more time to do other things and I won't be so tired when I go back ho-I mean, back to Mr. Gold's.' She looked up, heat crawling up her neck and onto her face as she hoped her father hadn't noticed the mishap, it thankfully seemed like he hadn't. When did she start thinking of Mr. Gold's home as her home too? Now that was a thought that would have to be put aside until a later time. Just like she had put aside the memories of Mr. Gold's study that he had destroyed-because he was worried about her. When he had admitted as much as he so sweetly pulled glass out of her foot and bandaged her, it filled her with so much hope she was worried he could read all the thoughts in her head. And it was for Mr. Gold that she now stood up to her father to try to make things better for her on the weekends, so that she would never have to see him look so worried over her, again, at least not for something so fixable. He had enough to worry about these days, anyway…

'If you take the money that you no longer pay Mr. Gold, and the money that you used to give me for pocket money…' She continued, refusing to cringe at how much of herself she had discovered as she had contemplated what to do about her father and the shop. 'To pay a couple hours a day of labor, it should come out about the same, see?' She gave him the scrap piece of paper on which she had been doing the figures. He took it hesitantly, his air of defensiveness still holding, though his body seemed to have calmed significantly.

'You think this will work? I guess I didn't realize you were having such a hard time, I'm sorry Bluebelle.' She sighed in relief as she obtained the return of the term of endearment. This meant he was listening without as much hostility as before.

'It is hard, Daddy, trying to fit a week's worth of what I used to do in one day.' (she wouldn't mention that it was on top of the work she did at Mr. Gold's all week-her father would use any opportunity to spit insults and annoyances for anything Mr. Gold did or said. ' And I worry about you, you know. So, what do you think?'

He nodded his head. 'I'll ask around for someone, Bluebelle, although I'm afraid we'll have to wait until I save over the next few weeks to build it up to pay someone.' He mumbled the last bit.

'Well, I'll keep it out of your salaried amounts and keep it in the shop account to help.' She gave him a thin smile, knowing how difficult it was for her father to save.

She could wonder at what he did with the extra money that had been going into his pocket the last few months, but she could guess that he hardly knew himself. Some of it had probably gone to a soda when he went to make deliveries, some of it had probably gone to something that had called his attention next to the registers of the store, and even most likely to alcohol-though he wasn't technically an alcoholic, he had the tendency to indulge more than he should-especially when they had the funds to do so. He had probably hosted a few nights with 'the guys' and blown more than he knew he should, it was most likely a number of things, all adding up to the same story that had plagued him his entire life. They agreed to her putting the money aside again, he looked slightly sheepish throughout the whole thing, only defensive a time or two more as she started sketching out the particulars of what sort of person they would need, how much that could be offered per hour, and what their job descriptions would be.

She was tired coming back to Mr. Gold's again. She knew she would be, though she had forced herself to go to bed in the wee hours of the morning so that way she would get a few hours rest before facing Mr. Gold. She was determined to wash her face, put on a smile, perhaps drink a large cup of coffee, and present herself and a nice breakfast to Mr. Gold. She scolded herself a little, but thought that surely it wasn't so bad to not want to look like a bedraggled mess this time around.

She had a good stack of pancakes and a plateful of bacon ready when he limped down the steps towards her. He greeted her with a small smile and a look-a look that always made her feel uncomfortable in its scrutiny. His forehead wrinkled a little, a slight look of concern frowned his face, but he seemed pleased to see her, all told, and she was certainly pleased to see him. In fact, the week following 'the incident' in the study had made her feel closer to Mr. Gold than ever before. He would follow her in the evenings, now that the days were getting longer, and watch her work in the garden as they conversed over anything and everything. It was never very personal, much like their talks when she had gone to visit him at his shop for lunch, but every once in a while they would dip into deeper waters, and when that happened they had always come to the other side knowing each other a little more, and for Belle, each time giving her more hope that perhaps, perhaps they could be more than friends one day.

'Everything go alright at your father's this weekend?' He began. She wondered if he was really questioning if she had 'fixed' things.

'Yes.' She halted as she dished out the breakfast and they put their pancake toppings. Once they sat down together she continued.

'And I've figured things out, I think, though the more I think about it, the more foolish I realize that I've been all this time.'

He looked at her as if confused. 'I'm sure you've been no such thing.' He seemed certain of that, anyway.

'Oh, but I have! I-well, I've realized this week that I've never truly grown up. I was often told that I seemed more mature than my peers, at least in high school, anyway. When they were worried about a new dress for a party on the weekend, I was worried about what bills needed to be paid that week.' His face frowned again. Just like she hated to give her father any ammunition to dislike Mr. Gold, she hesitated before speaking any more over what her life had been like after her mother had died. But in Mr. Gold, she had found a friend, and she went on, knowing that it was truly herself that deserved the censure this time.

'I think when my peers went off and began to make their own way through life, I continued to stay the same. I've always wanted adventure, but I was content with just reading about them. Well…' She thought outloud. 'I don't know if content is the right word, however, I could not stand to leave Daddy. When I was trying to figure out how to afford a high school student to come after school and help Daddy at the shop…' Mr. Gold nodded his head in understanding that that was where Belle had contrived to help things. 'I realized just how much I had taken on as far as the shop went, and yet I hadn't had the forethought of doing something productive, in my own personal life. I couldn't help my father when he had borrowed from you.' They both avoided eye contact at the memory. 'And I couldn't help him begin to afford help right away, because I hadn't been keeping up with the money that we had been paying you.'

She had laid her head on her hand, a bit improperly as far as table manners went, but she was so truly ashamed of herself that it was as close as she could get to hanging her head in shame.

'That still sounds like a responsibility that was shirked by your father. Couldn't he keep up with the amounts?'

'You know how bad he is with money.' She raised to look at him knowingly, his lips held a thin line and he was ready to argue.

'Again, I Don't see how this is in any way your fault. That's an excuse, not a reason.'

She sighed. 'Well, I never made Daddy set aside money for me-I was never even a part of the payroll. I was a grown woman and should have been behaving like one, especially knowing Daddy's tendencies to spend more than he had. I just- I've always had a really good excuse, you know? First it was that I was still in high school and just trying to get our little shop to stay afloat after Momma died. Who cared if I had the newest shoes or the nicest clothes, as long as we had groceries and electricity?' She shrugged, remembering navigating school life, even with a head that was always in a book, she still had ears.

'Then, there was always this bill, and that one, there was always something 'threatening' to sink us and I always told myself it would be selfish of me to put aside any more than what was necessary to keep us going. Daddy began giving me pocket money, and I-well, I kept buying necessities with that too. I should have known how Daddy was, and been a better steward. If I would have even slowed down and actually looked at the books I was balancing while working on the weekends after coming here, I might have noticed how much money was being wasted-but I didn't. I am always going from one crisis to another. If I would have given it some thought, there might have been a bit of savings-even small-right now, if I had.'

Mr. Gold reached out and touched her hand. Her eyes shot up at his initiative. Mr. Gold never was one to reach out!

'You did what you thought was best for each stage of your life. That's all you can do. I see nothing to blame yourself over, Belle. You've had to be strong for the both of you.' He looked like he could say more but didn't. Belle smiled at him in gratefulness, thankful that while she still blamed herself for some things, Mr. Gold seemed to understand the reason why she had done them.

…

'Do you think we should change the curtains?'

Belle looked at the curtains in the room they had selected for Neal. She was trying to keep a serious and straight face throughout all Mr. Gold's questions, but really, some of them were getting rather ridiculous.

'In my opinion, no, I don't think so-they go with the room, they are a masculine color, and I think they will suit him just fine.'

'But do you don't think they look too-mature?' Mr Gold looked at the room critically for the hundredth time.

They had already prepared all the guest rooms for the Darling's arrival in a couple of days. Each day Mr. Gold became more and more agitated. More than once he had snapped sarcastically at Belle, though he had apologized straight away, looking completely ashamed. She knew this worry over curtains was just a way for him to feel like he was doing something to make things go correctly with Neal. What they both realized, yet didn't speak of, was that it wasn't the color of the carpet, curtains, or bedspread that would be the deciding factor of him having a significant role in Neal's life, though it didn't stop Mr. Gold from acting as if it might.

'Why don't we let him decide, hmmm? When…' Belle always liked to say 'when' and not 'if'. '...Neal comes to stay for the summer, you can let him know he can change anything he likes. He might like decorating his own room.' She smiled, assuring him. He seemed to breathe a little easier for a time, before he then thought there might not be enough lamps and wondered if they should go and look for some.

The next two days had him pacing the den's carpet, or the grass near the garden from the time he came home from work all the way until bedtime. He was leaning heavier on his cane than usual, and Belle tried every trick she could think of to get him to sit down and rest for a moment.

'Mr. Gold, please….You better sit down if you want to be able to actually do anything with Neal once he gets here.' She smiled, trying to offset her worries.

Mr. Gold actually nodded. 'True.' He sat down in a lawn chair as she pulled a few stray weeds. 'I'm already slower than most-I'd hate for him to think I'm too old and unable to do the things he wants to do.' He said it with so much self hatred that Belle paused from what she was doing, put herself in front of him and made him have eye contact with her.

'Everything is going to work out, you'll see.' She gave him another assured smile, whether he believed her or not, that remained to be seen. 'You are both going to have a wonderful time.'

'Do you think he'll be too bored if he stays? I don't know what teenagers even like to do.' He ran his hand through his hair.

'You've done all the preparations you can, Mr. Gold! We've got the library's summer schedule, ice cream days written in, the schedule for the movies, a game system installed, you've done everything you could possibly do and more!'

Mr. Gold nodded at first absentmindedly as she spoke, but then seemed to relax a little at her words.

'Thanks a lot to you.' He said warmly, making Belle smile even more. 'I couldn't have done all this without you, Belle.' She almost cried at his words. She squeezed his hand and eventually went back to her weed pulling.

The day for the Darling's arrival was beautiful, warm, and sunny. Mr. Gold was pacing in the den where he planned for them to sit, Belle had pulled out the last of the cookies she had baked for the occasion, arranging them on a tray and beginning a lunch for the family. Movement could be heard outside and she rushed towards the front of the house before they could knock. She made her nerves still (for some reason, she felt as if she was almost as nervous as Mr. Gold-this was not her long lost son! She chided), and readied herself to greet the son of Mr. Gold.

Author's Note: Neal is sooooooo close! haha I really tried to have at least a small scene with him, but the chapter was getting long, and I was at a good stopping place.

I hope I solved Belle's dilemma with her father (and the shop) to everyone's satisfaction. Moe does love Belle, but not with the same care and attention he should. I feel like this is in line with the show's character. Belle is used to having to do things for her father, so when she finds she's been neglecting putting away money for a rainy day, she blames herself. And where she might COULD have been doing things-it isn't really her fault and Gold sees it.

Also-I realize I talked about 'after school' when it's entering summer. I had a brain slip on this, but I will explain it further at a later time. We'll just say she was speaking in general terms, lol
Hope you enjoy! Please leave a comment if you can, they do make my day!