Chapter 5 - Losing Control

I watched as the others went on not bothering to look back. Guess that's it then... Turning back I began making my way back to Bag End. My head slumped and I stopped in my tracks. I'm not heading home, I just heading back to a stranger's home. I groaned. Frustrated with myself, the situation I was in and the damn silence. Looking off the road, I stormed over to a tree and threw the backpack down. I dropped myself against the tree and stared up at the clear sky as I took several deep breaths. The sound of the wind rustling the tree leaves created a soothing rhythm with the beating of my heart. It didn't take long for me to calm down and think rationally.

"Ok you have two choices. You can go back where you don't know anyone or you can follow the heard where you weren't wanted. Hmmm decisions decisions." I puffed my cheeks and looked at the bag I had thrown down. Shrugging I reached for the bag. Opening it up, I noticed some spare clothes. I smiled softly to myself as I realized that Bilbo seemed to take care of thinking what I would need. Bilbo Baggins was a cranky hobbit, but still a very considerate and sweet hobbit. I paused my searching when I noticed something metal at the bottom of the sack. Cocking my head to the side and squinting my eyes in curiosity I slowly reached for it. My hand touched the cold surface and as I wrapped my hand around it, I snagged what felt like wires. My heart stopped. Pulling out my iTouch, a wide smile grew on my face.

"AHA!"

I jumped up in shock as I held the on thing to remind me of home.

How-….When did he?

Pressing the menu button, I realized it was still fully charged and worked fine. Calming down, I felt a warmth spread through my heart. Damn you Bilbo Baggins.

Putting the backpack on, I stood up and put in my earphones before pressing play. Even if they hate me, I'm doing this for Bilbo...That's it.

As Ailee's "I'll Show You" began to play, I began jogging after the group.

It took about 6 songs before I managed to catch up with the group but still had energy to burn. I had forgotten how pumped I get when I listen to music and run on the treadmill. Once I find a good pace, I felt like I can go on forever. Reaching the rear of the group, I slowly picked up the pace easily passing the nephews of Thorin. I can't hold back the smirk as I watch their mouths drop. I knew that I should have put away my ipod, but the brat in me just thought, "Bite me." I find Bilbo riding towards the front with Gandalf, while Thorin is still a few feet ahead of everyone else.

It's when I start slowing my pace that I realize how much I pushed myself and not wanting to let the others see me out of breath, I breath in deep through my nose. Taking out my earphones and draping them over my neck, I look up at Bilbo with a smile.

"Mister Bilbo."

"Miss May!" I chuckled as the hobbit jumped in his saddle. "Why are you not on your pony?"

With a click of my tongue, I shoot a glare at Kili who had his eyes on his hands. It was obvious he heard the question. Good, he should. Jerk. Looking back at Bilbo and a curious wizard.

"I didn't want to add to the load the pony was carrying." I shrugged. "Besides, I wanted to thank you for packing my things. Especially this." I said holding out my ipod.

"I am still not sure what it is, but I figured it must be important to you." I smiled and nodded looking down at it.

"What is it?" I looked up at him with a questioning look. Bilbo motioned at the bag.

"Oh! It's um…It's…" I paused.

How do you explain an ipod to someone who has no idea what mp3s or electronics are? Looking at Gandalf for some kind of help, he stared at me with anticipation of my answer.

"Its like a music box." I said weakly.

Looking up at the hobbit and wizard, they seemed more confused than ever. I gave an embarrassed smile.

"I'll explain later, right now I need to go talk with the leader of this company." With a curt nod to the two, I jogged up the trail to Thorin's Pony.

I wasn't sure if Thorin was aware of my presence with their burglar or simply ignored it, but either way I jogged up until I was right walking right beside the lead pony.

"So!"

The sound of my voice made Thorin tense and it took all I had to bite back my laugh. While the dwarf still scared me, I was now in too good a mood to even let him dampen my spirits. Thorin looked down with a glare, not slowing or stopping his pony for a second.

"I thought you would have been back on your way home by now."

"Nope. Sorry." I said practically skipping by now as I looked ahead of us.. It was beautiful and the breeze felt nice on my now sweaty face. I could see Thorin's features darken from the corner of my eye. But I forced myself to keep my eyes forward not wanting this dwarf to see my confidence falter.

"Very well. But I will not be accountable for what happens to you and I cannot assure that you will live to make it back."

I could feel the blood run from my veins. Having convinced myself I was indeed not dreaming, the truth behind his words were more severe.

"I know." I said quietly.

Thorin said nothing else for the next few minutes as we walked side by side and for a moment I wasn't sure if he had heard me.

"Kili!" I couldn't help but jump as Thorin shouted for his nephew. Nor could I help the tension run through my body at the sounds of hooves cantering closer.

Looking over my shoulder, I jumped when I saw a large nose right next to me. I looked up to see Kili looking at his uncle. "Get her a pony." A smile appeared on my face as I looked at Thorin.

"What?! Really?!"

My smile faded as both Thorin and Kili glared down at me. I quickly shifted my eyes to the ground.

"Thorin, the ponies are already carrying too much." My head shoots up at Kili. What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Kili doesn't look at me, but instead keeps a steady gaze on his uncle.

"Fine, she will ride with you then."

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. Stopping dead in my tracks I stare at the dark haired dwarf bewildered. Really? Of all the dwarves, you pair me up with a guy who's bent out of shape cause a girl beat him. What the hell!?

A hand waves in front of my face and I can't help but beat it away like an annoying nat before looking up. Kili is looking at me, less than amused as he holds out a hand for me to grab. I noticed that he no longer had his sword nor bow and arrows on his back. I was confused for a bit before glancing at the pony's saddle I caught sight the top of the bow sticking up on the the side of the saddle. I hesitantly turned to the other dwarves, for the first time since they left me behind. All wait in silence as if to wonder what I was going to do. I can't help but feel the same tension swell in my chest as last night. Sucking in a quick breath I see Fili in the back. He gives me a soft smile and wink. It was reassuring and weirdly comforting to have the blonde on my side.

I gave a tight smile back before turning back to Kili's hand. After a second or two of hesitating, I reached out and was pulled up behind him.

With that, the others began moving again, each giving a slight bow of their heads to me. Smiling Bofur and Balin welcomed me to the company. It felt good to hear that but it wasn't enough to make me forget I was riding with Kili. He didn't give me any warning as he gave the pony a kick causing me to jerk back. I cringed as a squeak escaped from me and my hands clutched the back of Kili's cloak.

"You are full of many surprises." Slowly I open my eyes to find Fili beside me and his brother.

"Thanks." I said meekly.

"I don't believe we were formally introduced. Fili, at your service. This is my brother, Kili." Bowing my head I introduced myself, ignoring the brunette's scoff. Before either Fili or myself could say anything else, Kili gave a hard kick to the pony causing it to speed up just short of a gallop.

My body jerked back as I let out a small yelp. I didn't think, I just wrapped my arms around his waist as I held on to dear life.. The sound of breathing against my ear, the feeling of a solid muscular frame against my body. Opening my eyes, my body tensed as I realized that I was tightly pressed up against the back of Kili.

"If I had known you were so afraid of riding, I would have let you continue on foot." Whether he was joking or mocking me, I didn't know.

Taking my hands from around his waist and holding onto the back of his cloak like reins, I straightened up, putting as much space as possible between us.

"I'm not scared of riding. I almost fell."

Hearing Fili's laugh, I shot him a glare. Catching my eye, the blonde's laughter switched to coughing as he looked anywhere but me.

"I love riding." I continued. "I just like the idea of having my own horse."

That was the end of our little banter. Leaning to the side a bit, I could see the others. They weren't far, maybe 5 feet ahead. The trail now, for the grass has long covered it that lay ahead of us were rolling mountains and hills of lush green trees and grass. Similar to the land that I first found myself in when I woke up.

It had been a good two hours since we left the shire. Content with hearing the sounds of birds, and the rocking of the pony, I let out a yawn. I was always horrible at staying awake for rode trips and this was no different. I struggled to fight off sleep only to lose.

I dreamt I was home. I was telling my dad how I dreamt I was in Middle Earth. He laughed at me and asked if it was like the book or movie. His laughter echoed in my mind as I slowly woke. Still drowsy I lifted my head from the solid surface and looked up. I saw a rock wall, blinking a few times through sleepy eyes, I turned my head to the solid form i lay against. Slowly I nuzzled my face against it before shift my head the other my eyes open, I was greeted by the sun setting behind the horizon of the low mountains and trees. The sky a brilliant orange followed by a deep purple. It was only when I looked down and saw the drop of the cliff that I let out a yelp and burried my face into the solid surface I was holding.

The sound of laughing broke my fear and suddenly I remembered I was holding Kili…again. I felt my cheeks burn as I slowly pulled my hands from his waist and grabbed the back of his cloak again.

"Sorry." I mumbled looking at my hands.

"Sorry? For what?" I rolled my eyes and was about to call him out for on playing dumb. However, when I looked up I noticed he had turned his head to look at me. While he seemed amused, he didn't seem insincere either.

"For uh…For falling asleep on you and holding on to you." I said averting my eyes back to my fidgety hands.

His soft laughter drifted to my ears, I didn't know what was so funny, but I still didn't want to look at him.

"There's nothing to apologize for. You had a long day."

The kindness in his voice was reassuring and I couldn't help but wonder what brought about this change. Biting the inside of my cheek, as I looked ahead. A quick look back and my eyes locked onto the blonde. He cocked a brow at me. I did the same before motioning to his brother with me head. The blonde gave a knowing smirk before he shrugged his shoulders innocently. I broke out into a smile to which he did the same.

"Thank you." I mouthed before turning back around.

My eyes drifted back to the sunset. It wasn't everyday I got to see them. Especially in such a place like this. There would probably be another hour at most before night fall. The thought had me frown as I recalled this moment. It was when Bilbo first hears the orcs.

"We're here." Balin said.

Gathering on to the top of the mountain, everyone begins dismounting. Bilbo was helped down by Gandalf. Kili gracefully lifted his right leg over the ponies head as he dismounted before turning to me and holding his arms up. The gesture was surprising and flattering up. Giving a small smile I shook my head as I maneuvered myself onto the saddle before gracefully dismounting. Kili opened his mouth to say something when Thorin called his name. With Kili walking away, I walked up to Bofur who setting up a fire and sat down cross-legged, taking off my bag in the process.

"Is there anything that I can do to help?" I asked.

"No lassie, we have everything we need. Just need to get a fire going before night fall." He said with a smile.

I watched Bofur hit the flint stones together creating small sparks but nothing was catching fire. A giant figure kneel beside me causing me to jump. With no words, I watched in fascination as the wizards leaned in close to the wood. Covering his hand with his mouth, he ever so gently blew. Smoke began to rise and before long the wood caught fire.

"There we go! Now why don't you go rest Miss May. You've proved yourself enough for tonight." He smiled sincerely as I looked at him.

I gave a small smile and nod accepting his words. I couldn't help but feel that I should've been doing something as I was now a part of the company. But he was right everyone was already getting their mats ready or already half asleep. It was then I realized there wasn't really a place to sleep. With just enough space where I was, to sit, it was not enough to sit and too close to the fire at that. Slowly I maneuvered myself around the sleeping forms and leaned against a nearby tree. For a while I watched the others. It was all still hard to believe being here. A part of me was excited and the other part wanting nothing more than to be in the safety of my room reading or listening to my music.

But you aren't home. You're here so for now you have to deal with it. Shikataganai.

Taking a deep breath, I gave a small nod and walked around the tree to star out at the low lands. It was too dark to see anything, but light enough to make out the silhouette of the trees. The sound of the wind blowing and the sight of the starts that decorated the night sky. It was beautiful and in a way soothing. Just not soothing enough to stop the chill of the wind and drop in temperature from affecting me.

It wasn't long before my body was shivering. I clenched my jaw and took deep breaths to control the chills but it wasn't helping. Bringing my knees to my chest, I quickly wrapped my arms around my legs. It did little to keep me warm as my teeth began to chatter with every breath I took.

"Here you are!" Jumping a bit, I turned to find Kili staring down at me. "What are you doing over here?"

I shrugged looking at the ground. "C-couldn't s-sleep."

"Is that all?" He said sitting beside me.

I didn't respond. A light breeze past over the mountain top sending a shiver down my spine.

"I...I wanted to apologize. For earlier."

Meeting his eye, I couldn't help but give a small smile and nod.

"Is there any way we can start over?"

"Yea, we can do that." I said with a laugh.

With a smile and wink, the dwarf swiftly stood to his feet and bowed. "Kili, at your service."

Standing on shaky legs, I didn't bother bowing at the waist. Rather I held out my hand. "May, at yours."

The dwarf stared at my hand for a while and for a moment I wondered if I had unintentionally insulted him. Kili gently reached out and took my hand before his eyes raised with concern.

"Your hands are like ice! Why are you not near the fire? " I winced as he voiced raised a bit. Ducking my head I responded. "There wasn't any room for me…and I didn't want to bother having anyone move for me."

Kili let out an exasperated sigh. Still holding my hand, he led me to the fire, sitting me down beside his brother, before plopping down on the other side of me.

"Keep them there." He said as he forced my hands infront of the fire. The heat of the fire spread up my hands, arms then through the rest of my numb body causing me to shiver with delight. The feeling was greatly welcomed and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face.

"You seem to have a habit of disappearing on us miss...I don't believe I did get your name."

I blushed at the voice next to me. "May."

My stomach twisted as a smile played on the dwarfs lips. "A Pleasure, May. So may I why it is that you keep your distance?"

My stomach dropped. I wasn't expecting that. Turning my attention back to the flame I ignored the question and thankfully the blonde didn't push.

Movement amongst the sleeping bodies caught my eye. Slowly I lifted my gaze to find Bilbo move around the dwarves with an apple in hand. My lips twitched remembering how he fed the pony he rode. The echo of a horrid cry from the distance had Bilbo startled.

"What was that?"

"Orcs." Kili said calmly. I watched as Bilbo quickly made his way back to the fire.

"Orcs!?"

The word was enough to alert Thorin from his slumber.

"Throat cutters." Kili continued. "There'll be dozens of them out there. The low lands are crawling with them. They strike, in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet. No screams. Just a lot of blood."

I heard them laugh knowing they scared Bilbo, but I found myself feeling the same fear Bilbo had. What used to amuse me before was no longer something I was watching from the safety of my home. This was real...or at least felt real. The chasing, the attacks, the battle, all this was going to happen. Orcs are vicious. They're blood thirsty and strong. What if I can't fight them? What if I get caught?

Images of arms grabbing me, holding me down as I thrash about and cry out in pain flash before my eyes. Suddenly I jumped to my feet, ignoring the protest of the others and quickly hurried past Gandalf. I don't know how far I had gone until I couldn't hold it in much longer. Throwing my right arm against the wall of the mountain before releasing the contents of my stomach. Tears fell from my eyes on to the dirt ground. Covering my mouth with my left hand I tried desperately to keep from crying out.

Translations:

Shikataganai = It can't be helped.

I hope you all are enjoying the re-write so far. It's gonna take a while to get to where I left off only because I am finding myself stuck on certain points and don't want it to come out forced. so please be patient, it will get complete and hopefully wont end up in another hiatus. lol Comments and critiques are appreciated. ^_^