Chapter 6 - Tensions Run High
The overwhelming nausea hit again. However by now it was only dry heaves.
"May!" My head shot up at my name. Wiping around, the others stand just a few feet away, eyes wide with fear and caution.
The words died before they could come out as I watched the dwarves eyes roll back before they fell to the floor dead. I staggered back in horror as the world shifted around me. No longer was I on the mountain but stood in the middle of a battlefield. Orcs, men, elves. Their bodies lay everywhere. Hearing a booming voice I spun around to see Azog standing next to the Thorin and his nephews. Thorin lay motionless on the pile of bodies. His nephews held down by orc minions. A sadistic smile spreads across Azogs face as he commands two of his servants to go after me. I quickly tried to get away but they were too fast. I screamed out as their hands grab hold of me.
"Nooo! Let me GO!"I thrashed about trying to get it off of me. Feeling another one grab hold of me I threw an elbow to one of the orcs nose. I can hear him cry out in pain. Taking advantage of his release I tried to break the others hold on me. My hopes of escaping were dashed when a pair of strong arms wrap around my arms and chest.
"You will watch them die!" The breath against my neck made my blood run cold and I opened my eyes. Azog stood before Fili. The blond forced to stand, mouth bleeding and eyes unfocused. The pale orc's smile spread as his runs his blade of a hand through the young dwarf.
"NO!" I cried out. Tears fall down my face.
"Please! Stop!"
It was no use. He had long lost interest in me as he made his way over to the youngest heir.
"PLEASE! KILI!"
Azogs pulled his arm back as he used his other hand to pull Kili's head back. In one switch movement, Kili's body fell to the ground. His head still in the hands of the orc.
I let out an anguished scream. The orc tosses the head aside and turns his attention back to me. He said something I couldn't understand, but I was familiar with the look in his eyes. I let out another scream as I thrashed about.
"NO! DON'T!"
"Get off her!" The gruff voiced caught me by surprise.
The strong arms loosened around me for a brief moment before letting go entirely. I fell to the ground only to feel another pair of hands grab my shoulders.
"May! May!"
Kili's voice became louder and more clear. I snapped my eyes open, unaware of when I had closed them. I frantically scanned my surroundings. The bodies and battlefield were gone. I was back on the mountain. Everything was silent except for the sound of heavy breathing. I began to shake with quiet sobs as a glove covered cups my face, gently forcing me to face the owner of the hand. Familiar brown eyes locked onto mine.
"Hey, it's alright. You're safe." He whispered.
I stared at him in disbelief for a moment before throwing my arms around him. I didn't know why I did that, but feeling him wrap his arms around me was a relief.
We remained like that for several minutes. My crying had ceased a while ago. Yet Kili didn't let go. He just gently rubbed my back as he whispered words of comfort. It had been so long since I had let myself get this intimate. I never want this moment to end. My eyes snapped open and tensed I shuddered. Where did that come from!? I took a deep breath and ever so slowly moved my hands to Kili's chest pushing some space between us.
Kili's arms let go without resistance but they didn't move from my sides. A mixture of shame and embarrassment began to swell in me.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled keeping my eyes low.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Kili insisted, lifting me head. His eyes held no sign of pity or insincerity. A shiver ran though my body but I didn't know if it was because of the cold or fatigue. Shifting a bit, I couldn't help but wonder why I was so sore.
"Get off her!"
The voice replayed in my mind as I thought back to my hallucination. The realization that it was Kili saying that, and not an orc, made me look behind him. The company was silent and still as they watched Kili and I. Seeing the blood drying from Dwalin's nose, I gasped. It may have been a hallucination but the tackling and fighting was very much real. A sudden wave of fear and guilt hit me. Surely I wouldn't be allowed to join now.
"Please, don't blame yourself. They have been through worse." Kili cupped my face.
Realizing I was leaning into his touch, I paused and gently pulled his hand away. I wasn't sure what to say. But it seemed the dwarf didn't want to hear anything else as he gently lifted me up in his arms and carried me back to camp. I said nothing as I starred in awe at the dwarf. Why was he so understanding? Why was he carrying when I could easily walk?
It was then I realized how far I had run from camp. I had led the dwarves away from the safety of the fire and into more trouble. Quick flashes of the hallucination came back. I shuddered but pushed the thoughts away.
Kili gently placed me onto the bed roll he had been sitting on earlier that night. I didn't fight as he gently pushed me to lay back.
"Sleep." With that he gave me a small pat on my head and walked around to sit with his brother.
When I woke up, I found myself facing a now cold pile of ashes and pieces of charred wood. Slowly pushing myself to sit up, my legs folded to my side, I stretched. Looking at the sky, it was barely light out and the chorus of snores told me that the rest of the company. I saw Thorin was back at his post asleep. Gandalf sleeping with his pipe. Nothing seemed different or out of place, until I recalled my earlier breakdown. The panic attack, vomiting, crying, struggling and biting the dwarves, Kili. Kili!
I looked around to find that Kili and Fili weren't among the sleeping company. Looking over at the ponies, I spotted them sitting beside each other. Their backs to the company. Their bodies weren't moving much, but the smoke coming from Fili's pipe indicated they weren't asleep. Slowly I got up and made my way over to them.
"What do you think happened last night?" Upon hearing Fili's voice, I paused in mid-step. Kili shrugged but said nothing. "I don't think I have ever seen a person experience such fear as she did." Kili nodded in agreement.
"Thorin is already unhappy with the hobbit in our company. Now with May…" Kili let out a sigh as Fili swung his arm around his brother.
"I know."
"I'm starting to believe that Uncle was right in leaving her behind. She will only slow us down!" Kili hissed. Fili nodded as he let his arm fall from his brothers shoulders. "She should have just gone home and never come with us."
His words were true. I knew that. But that didn't stop the aching pain in my chest. Swallowing the lump that formed in my throat, I walked back to where I lay when I awoke. Eyes stinging from un-shed tears, I lay facing the rock wall.
Shikataganai. It's too late to take back what happened last night. All I can do now, is keep out of everyone's way. If i'm not noticed then maybe they won't send me away. Fear gnawed at the back of my mind causing my stomach to twist and turn. What would happen if I were forced to leave?
At the first light of sun, everyone was up and moving about. Loading the ponies. Small banter between Bofur and Bomber seemed to help the tension gaining a few chuckles from the others and soon enough we were moving again. All the while, I said nothing. Kili gave no indication of me riding with him, so it was a relief to me when I took the last pony for myself with no complaints.
For 3 hours we rode with me at the end. I didn't join in the singing, I didn't join in on the casual chatter. I just rode in silence. Taking in our surroundings and watching the group. There was no missing Fili, as he occasionally shot me a look of concern, but they went ignored. In fact I was trying so hard to ignore him, I didn't even notice Bofur riding to the back until he was riding beside me.
"You alright lass? Awfully quiet today." He said startling me out of my thoughts.
I hesitated before settling on a nod.
"You know, what happened last night? There's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The dwarf gave a sympathetic smile before handing me a brown cloak.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Might rain. This should help keep you warm."
"Thank you. But why -"
"The way I see it lass," he interrupted. "You've proved yourself back in Bag End. You obviously along way from home and it's understandable to be scared."
Holding the cloak close to me, I swallowed around the lump in my throat and attempted a smile.
"Thank you. Really. Thank you." I said softly.
"If any of the others give you any bother. You let old Bofur or Bomber know...Uh...Bofur, at your service. Bomber is the round one...well the one who eats the most."
I let out a loud laugh, earning a smile from the older dwarf. "I'll keep that in mind."
"If Gandalf has faith in you and Mister Bilbo, then I have faith in you too."
With a tip of his head, Bofur rode ahead. Slowly I wrapped the cloak around me. His words were the exact opposite of what I had expected, but gave me hope that maybe not all the dwarves hated me.
The trail ride was just like in the movie. It poured for hours. Nori complained that Gandalf should do something and Bilbo asked about the other wizards. Like Nori the other dwarves seemed just as miserable. Had it not been for the fact that it rarely rains back home, I probably would have been just as miserable. But I enjoyed the change in weather. Tilting my head up, I revelled in the feeling of the rain drops hitting my face. Yes it was cold. Yes I was getting drenched, which made the cloak I wore to be completely useless, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Straightening up, I found myself humming "Singing in the Rain", letting my body sway with the gate of the pony.
I wasn't sure how much longer it rained but soon the clouds gave way to the sun. It wouldn't be until midday that we would reach a torn down farm and Thorin would had everyone stop. Gandalf was the first to dismount to inspect the barn.
"Fili! Kili! Watch after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them." Thorin barked as he followed the wizard. The rest slowly hopped off their ponies and unloaded their packs. I had barely started to untie the rope holding down the pack on my pony when I heard Gandalf yell.
"I've had enough of dwarves for one day." He muttered to himself as he walked down the hill. No one said anything for a moment before slowly going back to unpacking. In no time at all, the ponies were tied up, the fire had be set and Bifur and Nori went hunting for food before it got dark.
"Is there anything you need me to do or help with?" I asked walking over to Bofur. He stoked the fire a bit before turning his attention to me.
"Well I have everything in control here. The lads might need help with the pones though." He said nodding in the direction of Fili and Kili.
The mention of them made my stomach drop. The reaction didn't go unnoticed to the older dwarf who let out a small sigh and patted the ground next to him.
"Sit down lass. What's the matter?"
Folding my legs under me, I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Bofur laid a gentle hand on my back and leaned close.
"Its nothing."
"I may be old lass, but I've still got eyes. What happened between three of you?"
My mind was torn. Tell the dwarf what I over heard, which only brought about a strong feeling of guilt. For what reason, I wasn't sure. Maybe I didn't want to rat them out, paint them in a bad light. But what is really bad of them? It was in a way true. I could admit that.
"I never should come."
"Who told you that lass?" The question startled me and I realized I must started thinking out loud. Swallowing the lump that began to form in my throat, I could tell the dwarf was less than pleased. "Did they tell you that?"
"N-no!" I immediately shook my head but the dwarf didn't buy it. "N-not to me. I over heard them talking and Kili...He was mad-but he had every right to be. I should even be here. I - "
"Want me to go talk with hi-"
"NO!" I winced at how loud it came out. "No. Please. It'll just make things worse. I promise. I'll try to make it less noticeable." I whispered, all the while silently pleading with him to have mercy.
"Lass." Bofur sighed. "Like I said before. You proved yourself to me. Kili...He's still young and whatever Fili said. I'm sure he just said it to comfort his brother. I've seen the way he is with you. He respects you. Just as much as I do. Maybe even more."
He gave me a little shove and a wink and with that I was unable to hold back a smile. Bofur laughed out loud before patting me on the back.
"There's that smile. Now, why don't you go rest for a bit?"
I nodded and thanked him before standing up and stretching. Not really wanting to sit anymore, I went to my pack and grabbed my ipod.
"I'm gonna go take a walk." I said passing Bofur with a small bow.
Walking past the house, I had managed to find a clearing of land, far enough so that I could still hear the dwarves voices faint in the distance and but close enough to hear if something happened. The trees formed a circle around the clearing, and the bushes made it a little easier to conceal me. Walking around I checked the surroundings to make sure there was no danger. With that, I put the right earphone in my ear, and searched my itouch for Miss A's 'Good Girl Bad Girl'. As soon as the music started, my body began to move. Repeating the dance steps I had practiced in my room as I watched the dance tutorial over and over. I had several passions in life and dancing was one of them. It was fun and just let my mind focus on the steps and music.
I was so focused on the music as it reached the last chorus before the bridge, I didn't see nor hear Kili trying to get my attention behind me. So it makes sense that I nearly jumped out of my skin when I was in mid hip swing and turned my head to find him staring at me. I yelped and quickly pulled the earpiece out.
"Oh my god!" I shouted
Clutching my chest, I gasped for air as I tried to get my heart to stop feeling like it was going to burst out. "What the hell?!"
"What in Durin were you doing?" He said his jaw slightly slack.
"I...I was dancing. Not that it should matter to you." I hissed, shoving my ipod in my trouser pocket.
"You think I'm a fool? I've never seen dancing like that." Kili glared, his arms folded.
"Yea...Well it's dancing where I'm from. And where I'm from, it's creepy spying on someone while they're dancing!"
The comment shook Kili as his eyes widened before his narrowed his eyes and stormed up til he was inches away from me.
"I can promise you that if I were to spy on anything, it would be because they were my prey." He sneered. If it hadn't been for the small smirk that pulled on his lips and the glint of mischief in his eyes, I would have taken it as a threat. Instead I felt my heart beating faster and a blush spread over my body.
He does realize how that sounds right? It can't just be me.
"Thorin wants everyone at camp before it gets dark." With that he turned on his feet and walked away, leaving me to stand speechless and wondering what just happened.
Translation:
Shikataganai = It can't be helped.