Chapter 8 - Breaking point
With Gandalf leading Thorin, Bofur, Nori and Gloin into the troll cave, that left me outside with the others. I kept my distance for as long as I could before I walked down the path to where the lonely hobbit sat at the mouth of the cave.
"Are you alright?" I asked. Bilbo's head popped up, his eyes unclear for a brief moment before giving a weak smile.
"Yes. Fine. Fine." His voice was distant as he once again went back to his thoughts.
I knew that he was scared. As was I. I empathized with him and while I knew that I couldn't say anything that would truly bring any comfort to him, I did the only thing I could think of. I hugged him. For a moment his did nothing, his body tensed. But soon enough he gave in and returned the hug.
"What was that for?" He said amused as we pulled back.
"Seemed like you needed it." I replied. Bilbo nodded with a small smile.
"Thank you. Are…Are you alright?" A cock of my head had him continue. "You've just been quiet. I mean you are usually quiet. But more so. I just…Whatever caused that…The other night…If there's anything you want to talk about I…I just want you to know you can come to me."
My eyes stung as I held back my tears and nodded. How I wanted to tell him, tell everyone what I knew. What happened before, what was going to happen now. I knew it was unwise. For multiple reasons. Self-preservation, uncertain of the outcome of them discovering future events. Risk of being shunned for sounding completely and utterly mental.
The hobbit patiently waited for a response that did not come as the others returned.
"Bilbo." Gandalf called.
The dwarf opened and closed his mouth before patting my shoulder and walking off to see what the wizard wanted. A smile tugged at my lips. The letter opener. Sting.
"May?"
My smile faltered hearing Fili's voice. Shifting my gaze, I found the blonde looking upon me. Guilt and shame clearly showed on his face as he took a step closer.
"I-"
Thorin's cry cut off the dwarf and with a small frown, he quickly ran after the others. I stayed behind a moment later. Partly because I knew there wasn't any trouble, at least not at this precise moment if I remembered correctly, and partly because I wanted to know what Fili was going to say. Why did he look so guilty? Did he know what his brother did? Was he in it?
So many questions and no answers. I shook my head and shoved my confusion aside. While I knew I wanted answers, I didn't want to miss seeing if Radagast was the same in this as in the movie. With a small sigh, I walked over to the others.
"Radagast!" Gandalf said with a sigh of a relief sheathing his sword. "Radagast the brown."
As the wizard not so gracefully made his way down the slow to greet the other wizard the dwarfs held their positions for a moment longer before hesitantly lowering their weapons. Looking up at Fili, his eyes did not leave the wizard, nor did he lower his arm.
Placing my hand on his arm, I caught his attention.
"It's ok." I said gently. I could tell he didn't believe me, but it was when his gaze shifted to my wrist that his brows furrowed. Quickly I shifted the sleeve to cover my wrist and moved next to Bilbo before he could say anymore.
"I-It was right there. On the tip of my tongue!" The frazzled wizard insisted.
Gandalf watched Radagast with curious eyes. With a gasp the wizard spoke keeping his mouth open. Slowly as he stuck out his tongue, a stick insect appeared. I held back a laugh as Gandalf picked up the little bug and placed it on the brown wizards hand.
"Now what did you want to discuss?"
"Not here." Radagast said leaning towards the taller wizard.
With no other word, the two wizards walked off to talk without prying ears leaving the rest of us to keep watch. Thorin quickly took to talking with Dwalin and Balin in hushed voices. Gloin and Nori joined in. Bofur grouped up with Bomber and Ori while the others kept to their spots. Their eyes scanning the surrounding areas. I stood by Bilbo as the hobbit slumped against the root of a tree, my jaw tense as I watched Fili make his way over to his brother. They stood just out of range of hearing, but it didn't take a genius to tell they were arguing. I let out a slow breath casting my gaze onto the ground.
"Is everything alright?" Bilbo asked.
I nodded before letting myself slump against the branch.
"Just tired."
The hobbit said nothing as he said down beside me, his eyes straight ahead watching the others. I couldn't help but smile as I leaned my head back and allowed my eyes to close.
My eyes snapped open as a howl echoed through the air. Bilbo shot to his feet.
"Was that a wolf? A-are there wolves out there?" Bilbo stammered.
"Wolves? No that is not a wold." Bofur said.
The snarling and soft shuffling of leaves caught our attention. That was the only warning it gave before lunging for Bofur. The dwarf quickly moved aside and swung his ax at the creature as Thorin quickly stabbed his sword into it's neck.
The dead animal lay inches away from me. My heart raced as I inched closer when I heard the cries of the dwarves followed by more growling. Had Kili not rushed to my side, his bow and arrow ready as he shot down the other warg, I would have died.
"Warg scouts! Which means an orc pack is not far behind!" Thorin struggled a bit as he retrieved his sword from the warg's neck.
"Orc pack?" I turned to Bilbo who stood close to Gandalf.
"Who did you tell about your quest? Beyond your kin." Gandalf walked over to Thorin.
"No one." The dwarf insisted.
"Who did you tell?!"
"No one I swear! What in Durin's name is going on?" Gandalf gazed out to make sure there were no other wargs around before glancing at Thorin.
"You are being hunted." Thorin's eyes widened with fear and confusion.
"We have to get out of here." Dwalin was right, if they didn't act soon, if Radagast didn't act soon, we would be in serious trouble.
"We cant!" Ori's shaky voice caught everyone's attention as he stumbled down the hill. "We have no ponies. They bolted."
Radagast was quick to offer up his services. Gandalf rolled his eyes at suggestion.
"These are Gundabad warts! They will out run you!" Radagast didn't back down as he walked towards Gandalf.
"These are Rhosgabel rabbits."
Gandalf did a double take at Radagast's statement and I watched as the brown wizards voice softened and his eyes twinkling with mischief.
"I'd like to see them try."
A silent agreement and the brown wizard was upon his rabbit-pulled sled, racing off to distract the scouts.
"Hurry, we won't have much time!" Gandalf moved quickly up the path that Radagast had gone. I was surprised at how fast he moved for such an old wizard, but then remembered that being taller and having extremely long legs in comparison to the rest of us, it made sense that it would seem like he was moving fast. I laughed to myself as I realized how my little toy fox must feel when I walk him.
Howling in the distance was a relief to know that Radagast still succeeded in his distraction. I slowed down as Gandalf stopped behind a rock. My heart was beating fast as I felt the adrenaline kick in. The sounds of panting reassured me that I wasn't the only one who wasn't great at running. Gandalf peaked around the rock, watching Radagast lead the warts down the hill. Gandalf was off again without warning. While I struggled to keep up, Some of the dwarves quickly past the old wizard.
Watching Thorin and the others stop in their track, I quickly turned around and began running. Thorin, Ori and Kili quickly pass me up. I follow them to the familiar rock formation, and fall against the surface.
"Ori no!" Thorin hissed as he pulled Ori back. I felt like I couldn't breathe. But seeing the wizard take off again, I forced my feet to move.
Looking behind I see the orc pack disappear. Gloin quickly came up behind me and placed a hand on my back, forcing me to pick up the pace.
"Hurry up!"
My legs burned and each breath is a stuggle, but the fear of getting caught or falling too far behind kept me from slowing down. Up ahead there is a triangular shaped boulder. My eyes widened as I ran closer to it. This is where our location is discovered.
There is no time to alert Gandalf to keep moving, as the moment we throw ourselves against the side of the rock. The sound of nails against stone, the heavy in breathing of a warg told us the scout was right above us. I threw my hand to my mouth and tried to even my breath as quietly as possible.
Catching Thorin motion to Kili, I pushed off the rock only to be pushed back by Dwalin's large arm. Taking one deep breath, Kili steps out and aims his arrow. The orc cries out as the arrow is released and hits the warg in the shoulder. A second arrow is released hitting the orc as both fall to the ground. The dwarves quickly move to attack the orc and warg. Frantically, I look around for a large enough rock. Turning to my right, I see a loose rock.
With the warg dead, I lifted the rock and walked over to the orc. Bring it over my head, I smashed the rock down. There was a sickening crack of bone and warm liquid hit my face. That should have been enough. But without thinking, I brought the rock up and slammed into the head again and again until a pair of hands pulled the rock from mine.
"He's dead! He's dead!"
Snapping my eyes open, a wide-eyed Kili brushes the hair from my face before helping me to my feet.
"He's dead." He whispered. I nodded. My body was shaking. From fear or fatigue. I wasn't sure. More than likely both.
There was no time though to dwell on these things as Gandalf took off once again. I knew where we had to go and we didn't have much time to get there.
I wasn't sure how long we were running for or how far we ran. But it seemed like no matter what direction we went, a warg pack was heading straight for us. Kili ran a head only to run back towards us warning of another pack.
"Kili! Shoot them!"
The dwarves and Bilbo took out their weapons as they ready themselves for the attack. All the while I stood in the middle, uncertain of what to do. I had no weapon, even Ori had a slingshot. While it made no impact it was still something. So I ducked into the grass, finally thankful for my short stature.
"We're surrounded!" Fili rushed closer to the group.
Kili didn't move back. His stance locked as he took out incoming orcs. Slowly the rest of the dwarves clumped together. Gandalf had gone and it didn't go unnoticed. Everything was just like the movie. But something felt off.
Looking around at the orcs slowly surrounding us, I realized what was wrong. Kili was still far off from the group, his focus on the orcs and warts in front of him. A few yards to his right, an orc crept toward the dwarf. My heart stopped. I knew that I had to act quick. The others each kept their eye on a target. Distracting them could be life threatening. Peeking up, I let out a small sigh. The orcs that remained were to focused to notice me.
With a curt nod to myself, I took off as quickly as I could. My heart raced with each step I got closer to the lone orc. Nothing mattered to me except to ensure that Kili survived this journey. The orc had almost reached Kili. Realizing I was almost there, I gave one last push before lunging for the orc. Our bodies hit the ground. Quickly I scrambled to my feet and landed a solid kick to the beast's head. The blow dazed the orc enough for Kili to shoot an arrow into it's chest.
"Kili! May! Run!" Kili and I looked over to see the others gone and Thorin standing in front of the large rock.
"Come on!" Kili shot me a glare before running back.
I wanted to so badly to survive. I wanted to keep going. But the adrenaline was winning and I found myself stumbling. Each step a struggle to keep from falling. Kili kept running, getting farther ahead. Looking behind I saw the orc pack getting close. The orc riders smiling as at the fear on my face. Blood rushed in my ears. I tried to run faster. But it was like a nightmare where my legs felt like they were weighed down with bricks.
I'm not gonna make it. I can't. I can't.
"Move!"
A gloved hand clasped around mine and I was suddenly being dragged towards the rock. Only when we reached Thorin, did Kili release my hand. I quickly slid down under the rock, followed by Kili and Thorin.
With the help of Bilbo and Bofur, I got to my feet. It took every effort to keep standing, so when Bilbo ushered me over to the wall of the underground cave, I was more than willing to rest against it. I didn't miss the glare Kili shot me as his brother helped him up. Nor did I miss the look of concern Fili gave me. I just closed my eyes as I wished for a bed or soft surface to sleep on.
I heard the commotion, the drawing of weapons. An orc had appeared at the opening of this underground cave. The one nice thing about knowing what was to happen, is knowing when you didn't have to worry as much. This was one of those moments, for I stayed against the wall, eyes closed as I listened to the horn of the River Elves followed by the cry of the orc before he rolled down the slope dead at the everyone's feet.
Cracking my eyes open, I found Gandalf poke the beast with his staff only to confirm that it was indeed dead. Thorin bent down and pulled the now black arrow out of the orcs neck. Glaring he noted out loud that the arrow belonged to elves. It was when I noticed the blood that I looked down at myself. Black blood was spattered on my shirt. It stained my hands and parts of my chest. I could only imagine what my face looked like.
"I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or no?" Bofurs voice shook me from my thoughts.
"Follow it of course." Dwalin insisted motioning for everyone to move out.
I moved to follow when something caught my eye. Kili stood unmoving his eyes not leaving the orcs body.
"What in Durin's name do you think you were doing?" He hissed. "You had no weapon! You are reckless and if you hadn't been lucky-"
"If I hadn't been lucky then you would be dead!" I said confidently.
Kili shifted his gaze to me. I could see the anger that began to build.
"No one noticed the Orc. I did! I did what any of the others would have done, had they seen the orc first. So why are you so mad at me?!"
The dwarf stormed up to me, backing me against the wall. We were so close and once again I felt my stomach lurch.
"You are a fool! You could have gotten the others killed if they had tried to stop you or worse you could have gotten yourself killed!
"But I didn't!"
"You almost did! Had I not helped you, you would have been…You should have stayed at the farm."
"What did I do?" I said. My voice cracking pitifully as I looked in the the dwarf's eyes. "Had it been anyone else, it wouldn't be an issue. Is it because I'm not a dwarf? Bilbo's a hobbit and you went out of your way to rescue him! But you tied me to a fence! I mean when were you planning on coming back for me?"
Kili said nothing as his jaw clenched.
"Kili? You were going to come back right?!"
When he cast his eyes down, I felt like I had been slapped.
"You weren't, were you? You hate me that much that you would leave me behind and just forget about me. You would be fine if I were dead just as long as it wasn't at the risk of the others!"
"What?!" He said wided-eyed "No it's not like that!"
The moment my hand made contact with his face, my blood ran cold. I quickly covered my mouth and pressed my back up against the wall. Kili turned to me, hand to his cheek and mouth gaping. The shock and hurt easily readable in his eyes. I dropped my hand to apologize when someone let out a cough.
Our eyes shifted to Fili. The cold stare he gave us, sent a shiver down my spine. Without thinking, I took a small step behind Kili as the blond approached us. His eyes locked with his brothers. Neither said anything before Kili stormed off down the passage.
"Come along." Fili said before walking away.
His tone was emotionless. So different than before. My heart thumped in my chest as I replayed what I had done. Slowly I followed the blond dwarf silently praying that if he was going to kill me, that it be quick and painless.
Gandalf led the group down to the home of the River Elves. Thorin followed, with Balin, Bilbo, Kili, Ori, Bomber, Bofur, Dwalin, Nori, Dori and Fili in tow. I silently followed a few feet away. There was no need to stay close on this path. Rivendell was safe and the walk felt tense enough, what with the dwarves having a mild hatred towards Elves, without me having to add to it.
What have I done? I didn't mean to. But how could he just plan on leaving me? I should have just walked away. I should have followed the others and not even talked with Kili. Fuck! And now Fili…I slapped his brother and he saw…I can't do this anymore.
"Why do you walk so far behind?" The familiar voice shook me from my thoughts. Fili took to my side though he did not look at me.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, stopping in my tracks.
"What is there for you to apologize for?"
"What happened back there…I didn't…He said I could have died…but he tied me up and he wasn't going to leave me. But I didn't believe him and then I…I haven't slapped anyone before, you have to believe me. But he made me so mad. Then you saw and now you hate me and you have every right but I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
That's what I wanted to say. But instead, I stared up at the blond dwarf who awaited my response with a brow raised. I opened my mouth in attempts to speak, but could think of nothing to say. I bit my lower lip and shook my head in defeat.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. What else could I say? While I wasn't completely at fault, I should have stopped the kiss. "I should have stayed behind."
"Stayed behind?" My eyes shot up to find him staring at me with confusion.
"I…Please don't hate me." I pleaded.
I realized I had reached my limit. There was no energy left to fight, only beg for forgiveness and that he not cast me aside. While I had only a few moments of interactions with this dwarf, he was the one who had believed in me since Bag End. I couldn't leave knowing that he hated me.
In reality it was less than a minute, but each second felt like minutes as he stood staring at me, before he spoke.
"We dwarves are loyal to those we trust. Once that trust is broken, there is no forgiving."
The words were a bitter truth. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and slowly nodded. I was about to walk off when his hand grabbed my arm.
"You did not betray anyone's trust. You have nothing to apologize for Miss May." A small smile played at his lips.
"But y-you saw us-" I stammered.
"I know, Miss May. I know." He said gently.
I didn't understand what he meant at first. It wasn't until the grip on my arm loosened, letting his fingers glide down to gently touch the still sensitive skin of my wrists. I let out a hiss as I jerked my hand away.
"Like I said you have nothing to apologize for." He said taking my arm in his as he led me down the path.
My head spun. The kindness he was showing was more than welcomed but this conflict between the brothers bothered me. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were supposed to be close as thieves. Guilt welled up in the back of my mind knowing I was ultimately responsible for this. I had to fix this.
"Please don't tell anyone." I could feel the blonde's eyes on me but I continued. "It was my fault. I wasn't listening and Kili only did what he felt he had to. To protect the others."
I met his eyes with a weak smile. Sensing he was going to push the subject, I quickly shifted my focus to Elven outpost. It was hard to believe it was all real, as it sat on the edge of the mountain top. There was no stopping the smile that spread across my face as I took it all in.
"Wow!" I sighed.
"It is a beautiful sight." He said with awe.
"Yeah. I remember when I first saw it, I was just amazed." I said with a laugh.
"You have been here before?"
The dwarf raised a brow as my eyes widened at my slip up.
"N-no. Never." I stuttered.
"Then how could you have seen it before, if you have never been."
Kuso! Baka!
Had it not been for the keen eyes on me, I would have slapped myself.
"I have a vivid imagination." Cautiously I looked up at the young dwarf. He cocked his head. "I uh… had heard stories from random people and I just meant that it was just like that had told me. Well at least how I pictured it in my head…Sorry, dumb I know."
"You may be many things miss. But dumb isn't not one of them." He said with a smile.
"Yea right." I muttered casting my eyes down.
Fili grabbed my hand, forcing me to a stop. A gentle hand was placed below my chin lifting my gaze to meet his. Blue eyes studied my face as if trying to figure out what to say. My stomach flipped and suddenly realizing just how close we were, I stepped away from his touch.
"Come on. We don't want to get left behind." My voice quiet and had the dwarf not nodded in agreement, I would have thought he hadn't heard me.
Walking up to the entrance was overwhelming and jaw dropping. The giant Elven soldier statues towered over us as we made our way across the bridge. While the dwarves stood tense, I felt myself begin to relax. The sound of the water running, birds singing. The soft wind blowing across my face. It was soothing. But then again I knew there was nothing to fear here.
Looking around, I saw Thorin and Dwalin begin talking in a hushed tone. Gandalf stood closest to the stairs as he waited for one of the Elves to greet us. It wasn't long before the others seemed to let the beauty of this place sink in. Their eyes looking this way and that, jaw slack in awe. I looked over at Bilbo take in a deep breath as a smile spread across his face. It was the first time I've seen him smile like that since we left the shire. Bilbo doesn't take long to notice me and smiled.
It was a few minutes later that we were finally greeted by Lindir and in just a matter of seconds, the dwarves and even Bilbo Baggins quickly tensed up. It didn't matter that Gandalf spoke calmly with the Elf, or that the Elf held no weapons.
But it didn't matter for the horns from earlier blew as a line of Elven warriors atop white horses quickly approached. The dwarves formed a tight circle and I was quickly pulled to the center to stand beside Bilbo. To say I was surprised by the sudden act of protection was an understatement in comparison to finding that Thorin, himself, was the one shielding me from the "evil" Elves.
The horses grew in numbers forming two circles, with the inside circle walking clock wise to us and the outside in the opposite direction before coming to a stop. The giant of a man slowed his horse to a stop. His face emotionless as Gandalf stepped forward to greet him with a bow. A few words in Elvish were exchanged before he gracefully dismounted. In a few steps he hugged the wizard and stepped back holding up an orc sword.
"Strange for orcs to come so close to our borders. Something or someone has drawn them near." He observed, handing the sword to Lindir.
"Ah. That may have been us."
With a wave at the group, the dwarves slowly parted away as Thorin moved forward. Elrond's eyes scanned the group before locking onto Thorin.
"Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain." He said, his face, void of any emotions.
"I do not believe we have met."
"You have your grandfather's bearing. I knew Thror when he ruled Under the Mountain."
"Indeed. He made no mention of you." I pinched the bridge of my nose and cringed. Why can't he just stop after "indeed"?
"You."
Confused at the change in conversation, I popped my head up to find all eyes on me.
"Strange for a woman to be among a group of dwarves and not be a dwarf herself."
My eyes followed the sound of the voice. Elrond towered over me and I couldn't help feel a shiver run down my spine. Swallowing around my fear, I gave a small bow.
"I…I'm with them. I mean I am but I have nowhere else to go and they agreed to let me stay for now…ya."
The heat of a blush spread through my body as I ducked my head. Oh how I had wanted nothing more than to just disappear.
Elrond said nothing. His eyes scanned the group before coming back to me.
"I see…Nartho i noer, toltho i viruvor. Boe i annam vann a nethail vin." He said, still he showed no emotion.
No one spoke, for about a second. Gloin shoved his way past me, a growl emanating from him.
"What does he say?! Does he offer us insult!"
"No master Gloin! He's offering you food!" Gandalf interjected with a sigh.
The statement made the dwarves go silent and soon, me and Biblo were on the outside as the Dwarves huddled together debating on what to do. Bilbo looked on baffled. I just chuckled and shook my head.
"Well…In that case. Lead on." Gloin sheepishly spoke up.
And that was that, the tension was gone and the promise of food was like heaven to my hears.
OMG So this chapter ended up being SOOOOO much longer than I anticipated. Bare with me though. As the future chapters will also be more in depth so it may take time for me to post the newer chapters. Hope you enjoyed this chapter though!
Translation:
Kuso: Shit
Baka: Stupid
Nartho i noer, toltho i viruvor. Boe i annam vann a nethail vin: Light the fires, bring forth the wine. We must feed our guests.