Chapter 3: Security Risk

Silence. Solitude. They usually brought her comfort. They hurt now more than ever.

Liara checked her omni-tool for the time, sighing at the goddess-awful time of early morning. It had come without warning, even though she spent most of the night memorizing her ceiling. Her weary heart wouldn't let her sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about and praying for her mother. Each of her thoughts were like a sharp tidal wave that sucked her under and pushed her deeper, suffocating and drowning her. The way out was narrow. The surface was so far away.

Memories taunted her. Her mother hadn't always been the most emotional or maternal of mothers, but she had always been kind and supportive of Liara. Policies and philosophies played a big part in shaping both of their lives, and mother's teachings were some of Liara's fondest memories. Even when the day came and Prothean archaeology was chosen, mother expressed amusement over their stark contrast of their interests and how all children rebelled against their parents in one form or another. Her being forward-thinking was challenged further with Liara finding her own personal philosophy in the past.

{Little Wing.}

A pain encroached upon her heart. She curled in a ball and clutched at her chest with fingers twisted in her night shirt, squeezing her eyes shut. Memories of yellow, vibrant yet elegant, flowed with Benezia's regalia as they walked down the garden. Liara still remembered their conversation as if it happened yesterday, days before she told mother of what her true doctorate was going to be and left to make her new home on the campus of the University of Serrice.

"There is no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things that we do," Benezia mused. Her fingers gently cascaded over the boxes of flowers. "I already suspected you would not follow in my steps. You always were a shy bird, Little Wing."

"So... You do not disapprove?" Liara asked, slinking behind with a measure of guilt over her previous lies of what she would study. "You are not disappointed?"

"Of course not. As a mother, all I can do is guide and impart my own knowledge, but I cannot choose your path for you, Little Wing. I can only reveal them, to show all the possibilities that I know of that you could take, if it interested you. Politics, and my teachings, never seemed to be of interest for you."

"They still offered great insight," Liara defended for the sake of her mother's profession, then slipped. "Though I feel as though the push for egalitarianism is a war you will not win. In a universe as diverse as ours, it will be impossible to achieve real equality among everybody. You'll only be sacrificing freedom for an illusion."

Benezia glanced over her shoulder with an amused smile. "You will make a better Matriarch than I someday, with the wisdom you already hold now, Little Wing. I will miss our debates. Just don't try to stir your favourite one with your professors. They will only give you more homework if you try to argue it should be banned. Again."

Liara shrunk a little in her skin, but a little fire is stoked. "It should be. Practical labs are far more efficient of time and imprinting knowledge."

Her mother's gentle laughter filled the air and wrapped around her like an embrace. Benezia turned around and actually gave her one, an unusual occurrence from one who had always shown her affection through providence or intellectual food for thought. Liara wasn't quite sure what to do at first, but eagerly reciprocated and hid her face in her mother's shoulder.

"I will miss you, mother. I will do my best to stay in touch during my studies."

"Nonsense, child, I will go nowhere. Focus only on your studies, and enjoy your time there as you will only get to spend it once. Consider competing with the Thessia Thunders, you possess more talent than you're aware of in sports, especially in Pildavi and Skyball. I will schedule time to attend your matches if you do decide to play. Regardless, it is time to spread your wings and fly. We will always have plenty of time to catch up afterwards."

"We don't have time anymore."

The thought abruptly ripped Liara away from her pleasant memory.

She curled into a tighter ball, wondering where it's all gone wrong. Would things have gone differently if she did join the Thessia Thunder team and maintain contact with her mother throughout university? At the time all Liara wanted was to make Benezia proud by excelling at everything and anything intellectually, even if their fields of interest were drastically different. She wanted to inspire mother the way mother inspired her.

"I should have persisted after school, to keep reaching out to her even when she was busy with her policies and forums, perhaps visited her instead of waiting for her to visit me. What if I could have prevented this? Stopped her from taking this path? Or at least have learned why she had taken this path, and why Saren is doing what he's doing?"

If only Liara knew.

She sighed and ripped off the sheets, sitting up on the edge of her bed while she wiped the sleep and tears out of her eyes. She was not going to get any rest at this rate. She needed to distract herself or calm down, empty her mind, or put it to work.

Quietly, she went down into the living room and peered over the edge of the couch to check on her companion. The human was too long for the couch, legs and feet sticking out over the arm rest, with her hands folded behind her head as a pillow. Liara headed back up to her bed to take a couple pillows from her bountiful collection, and employed biotics to slowly lift Shepard away from the couch. She stuffed the pillows underneath, then lowered the human down. At least this time the Commander wasn't groaning in pain. Maybe her bed in her own quarters really was a wretched thing to sleep on.

Liara navigated the darkness, every step in harmony with memory to avoid crashing into anything. She contemplated going into her office and check in on her terminal to see if there had ever been anything mother had left for her in her personal account, but that would only keep her mind fluttering, and it was something that could wait until proper morning.

Next, she went into the kitchen instead and checked the wine bottle, deciding to finish what little was left so that she could recycle it before they left on their new adventure today. She poured herself a glass and nursed it thoughtfully, looking around her kitchen to absorb and commit every etch of detail to memory.

She was going to miss this place.

"I still remember how nerve-wracking it was to purchase this apartment and move in." She smiled at the memory. "Such a strange, contradictory feeling. To be nervous and excited at the same time."

When she finished her wine, she washed the glasses in the sink and dried them with a cloth, then set them in the cabinet for the next time. Hopefully sometime soon.

"It was... What was it? I still felt disconcerted in Shepard's presence, but oddly comfortable at the same time. She seemed to settle easier after a few glasses in. Perhaps we can return here tonight and enjoy another bottle together."

She rinsed the empty wine bottle and headed to the recycling chute to insert it into the aerated bin, then pressed the button for it to be sucked away by the building's system. She turned on her omni-tool's photo-capturing night mode function and wandered around her apartment, snapping pictures to reference later when she ever found herself missing this. She walked into the living room and wondered if she should include the sleeping human in the photo, and it wasn't something she wondered long for. She snapped several photos of different angles of this room, with the last one being directly involved with Shepard on her couch. Liara smiled at the little thumbnail that slid to the corner of her omni-tool. She may find herself referencing that one even if she didn't miss this place.

After fully cataloguing her apartment, she left for the bathroom beside her bedroom to indulge in a hot shower - long overdue for one since Therum. She shed her night shirt and undergarments then stepped into the glass enclosure, preparing herself for that initial jet of cold water before her muscles melted under the warmth. As she washed herself, a little gut feeling nagged her. A strange one at that, like she was being watched. She glanced behind her and her eyes widened in shock.

Commander Shepard was aiming a gun at her.

"I was awake," the human said, more akin to a feral growl. "Why were you recording me? Who are you planning to send that to? Did you tell them of our location?"

"I-I wasn't recording you or going to send anything to anyone, I took..."

"Liar!"

"...some pictures! That is all I did."

Liara shut off the shower and snatched the towel off the wall-bar, wrapping it around herself for modesty. She brought up her omni-tool with a shaky hand, and held out her arm for the human to see the proof.

"I was taking pictures of my place to remember it. I... I took some of you, I thought it was... It-it was..."

She fumbled, searching for words as she stared at the barrel of the gun. She didn't know what she was thinking. She just did it. What kind of self-sabotaging proof was this?

"I can delete them," she rasped. "O-or you can, if it makes you feel better."

Shepard took a step back, hand blindly searching on the wall to dim the lights in the bathroom without ever lowering her aim. Her suspicious eyes darted from one part of Liara to another as if analyzing her as a threat. Then the pistol was stuffed back in the holster.

"Thank the Goddess..."

The human didn't say anything as she came closer, navigating the omni-tool to view the pictures. She deleted the ones with her in it, even if it was just hands hanging off the couch in the corner. On the last photo, Liara spotted something peculiar that was caught on the night mode function, but she hadn't seen it in the darkness. The photo was gone in the blink of an eye. Disappointment built a homey nest in Liara's gut.

"Just ask me next time," Shepard grumbled, then slithered out the bathroom with the closest thing to sheepishness heard yet. "Sorry for interrupting your shower... And pulling my gun on you."

"No worries," Liara's mumble drifted off in confusion, as if asking a question.

She certainly had some to ask. A dull ache burned in her shoulder and she finally let her arm fall to her side. She tightened her hold on her towel and gathered some courage to leave the bathroom, hugging the corner as she looked out into her bedroom. The darkness had been alleviated with dim lights down in the living room and the human was sitting on her couch, head in hands, hair spilling over one shoulder. It drew attention to the fact that both shoulders appeared to have a different shape, and the tight military uniform brought out the rigid outlines of one of the shoulders.

"That last photo..."

Curious, Liara investigated. She audibly cleared her throat to announce her presence as she descended the small flight of stairs. When she came around the couch with a more mindful focus of where to look now, she caught how the human subtly tucked one foot behind her other leg. Unfortunately for her, it was as obvious of a clue as it was finding Prothean remains. Liara didn't hide her intention and came to the other side, smiling a little when Shepard's efforts to hide her foot had gotten even more blatant every time Liara moved. Finally, the human lifted her head with an annoyed look.

"I get that in your line of work, digging for the truth is your kind of thing, Dr. T'Soni. But in my line of work, nosiness gets people killed."

"Will you shoot me?"

"No," Shepard grumbled. She looked down at the ground and hooked her hand on the back of her neck, massaging it. "That would be frowned upon."

"I'm relieved it would be," Liara joked quietly. She was ever so careful when she knelt, trying to get a look at the human's face past all the dishevelled hair that shielded it. "May I?"

"I wasn't aware you push boundaries in your line of work," the human huffed under her breath.

"There are no boundaries in my line of work because everything tends to be a little too dead to establish them."

Liara was proud to catch a glimpse of a smile with that one. Her scientific curiosity got the better of her when the foot came out of hiding and reluctantly propped itself in front of her. There was a notable heavy thud of a metal foot hitting her carpet. She carefully rolled up the human's pants halfway up the shin to expose metal, cords and bolts. She looked up at Shepard, who firmly shook her head.

"You can look, but ask no questions about it. Or you don't get to look anymore."

"It seems trauma is the cause of the loss of her limbs," Liara mused. "Or severe disease progressed and she has not come to terms with it? How recent may this be?"

She continued her exploration and she slid her hand under the foot to rest it on her forearm as she gripped behind the ankle, moving about to study how the ankle joints accommodated all the complex ranges a foot possessed. There was a new appreciation for things she had always taken for granted, for the synthetic ankle still had limitations in the extent of it's mobility. Her fingers traced up the shin plate. Her eyes drew next to the rigid-formed shoulder, then at Shepard as she silently asked her question.

With a sigh, the human hooked her fingers under her shirt and pulled it off. Though she still wore a thin sleeveless shirt, the nonchalance of such exposure caught Liara off guard, until a small draft from the window reminded her that she was a whole lot more exposed. Her face warmed and she shot up into standing, hugging her towel for dear life.

"I-I should get dressed."

Shepard blinked, puzzled. "Should I too?"

What a blunt question. Worse yet, a bold answer.

"No," Liara heard herself say over the buzzing panic in her brain. "I'd like to study your shoulder."

For some reason, the human was regarding her with suspicion again, disbelieving of something. "What for?"

A frown almost crossed Liara's face. "Commander, if you are wondering what my motives are, I would prefer that you say so out loud."

"I'm wondering what your motives are," Shepard admitted casually. "You're..." She looked away. "You're an intelligent individual, Dr. T'Soni. You are likely already aware that my crew are not the only ones who are having trouble trusting you. I have been evaluating you if you are a security risk. Many questions surrounding you are at the mercy of speculation until evidence presents itself."

"So I am the informant in the university whom you suspect to be helping Saren, not other professors." Liara wanted to say, rather angrily in fact, but her mind caught up to her tongue. She could understand the suspicion. She could understand that where she was and what she was doing - before she was extracted from Therum - had added to that suspicion. She sighed and headed up to her bedroom. "I understand. I would have trouble reconciling with what has been presented to you too... But if you truly have that much trouble trusting me, Commander, then perhaps I should not be part of your crew." She rose her voice to still be heard as she changed into casual clothes. "Right now, you will need people you can trust, as well as people who are impartial. And to answer your earlier question regarding my motives: it is scientific curiosity. I've not had much exposure to cybernetics."

"Pray you never do," Shepard muttered vengefully.

The rest was left up in the air, and Liara couldn't help but wonder what the human had to say about her little speech. She was cautious in her approach and took a wide berth around the couch, keeping a measure of distance between them as she observed the one observing her.

Shepard eventually relented, though did so with subtle permission, turning on the couch so that she faced the wall to expose her shoulder. She reached over and pressed something on her outer elbow, and suddenly the illusion of a human arm was shattered as skin-coloured plates disconnected. They popped up, whereas some sections slid open, exposing pipes and wires underneath. Liara soaked up the opportunity, though felt somewhat guilty for a blatant indulgence of rather callous curiosity, but it didn't seem to bother the human all that much. She smiled to herself as her finger followed the curve of a metallic bicep, up to the shoulder that was deceptively covered, for it did not possess the efforts to retain the image of a human limb the way the rest of the arm had. There was a peculiar stamp of a black skull on the outer shoulder.

"No wonder you kept insisting not to worry," she murmured. "I feel like such a fool now for not having caught on earlier."

"Don't. I took precautions and went to some length to hide it from you."

"Because she suspected me since before Therum, or is it something else?" Liara wondered. "Is it okay to ask why?"

"You just did," Shepard said with a dry chuckle. "You were tearing out your hair over my leg." She corrected herself when the asari raised an amused brow. "You know what I mean. Not that you have hair. Just, you were worrying so much, it was getting on my nerves to be honest. I hid it because I assumed you'd pity me and I hate pity." She glanced over and watched a full-flat palm trail down her bicep. "I was dead wrong, apparently. You look like you're trying hard to contain your excitement instead. Not often I get a reaction like that."

Guilt stole Liara's smile. "S-Sorry."

"Don't be. It's a welcome change. And now at least I won't hear your brain frying from fretting over my limp." Shepard jerked her head to the asari's arm. "Take pictures, if you want."

"What happened to evaluating me? Didn't she imply she has trouble trusting me, or is this a test of her trust?" Liara wasn't sure what to do. "You're actually okay with that?"

"Sure, so long as you don't capture my face or anything that could identify that it's me. I mean, the schematics of these things are uploaded on the Normandy's database anyways. You were bound to trip over them if you did your no-boundary nosy thing again."

Liara chuckled a little. "You know, there happens to exist a very simple term to encompass the broad range of things that I do: archaeology."

"Yeah, sure, that." Shepard tapped her synthetic shin plate. "Anyways, it's not like it's a secret." A flash of a smile that she hadn't done before. "At least with you around, it wouldn't be for long."

"Wonderful, it seems like this human is going to enjoy teasing me about this." Liara let it slide with grace, however. "Someday, whenever I'm allowed, may I re-take the ones earlier of you sleeping on my couch? Or maybe out on my balcony?"

Shepard's brow arched, and even with the - somewhat intimidating, but mostly distracting - illuminating optic implants encompassing her irises, a look of amusement was housed in her pupils. A welcome change. They looked devoid of life before.

"I'm having trouble understanding the relevance, Dr. T'Soni. That has nothing to do with my leg or shoulder."

"No, it does not." Liara helped herself to the human's shirt and felt somewhat playful when she tossed it on Shepard's lap. "But it's proof that I entertained an influential figure in my home too, like my mother had." A wistful smile and foolish dream whisked her away to a reality she had already known wouldn't ever come to be. "Maybe, if I get to talk to her like how we used to... She'll find some appreciation in that, in that I haven't drifted too far from her."

"Influential figure?" Shepard chuckled, shrugging her shirt on after she had pressed her elbow for her cybernetic arm to re-assemble itself again. "I don't quite think so."

"No? Why not?" Liara took the lead to the balcony, relishing in the peacefulness of a dark sky and cool air despite the noise of the city that never slept. "You're the first human Spectre. This is history, Commander, and I have a solemn duty to record all my findings."

There was a brief pause. Shepard seemed impressed more so suspicious, then she had done that smile again - was that the closest they were going to get to her smirking? She made herself comfortable on the balcony railing.

"Great. So basically, I've recruited my own personal spy. I should've known my whole life was going to be preserved the moment I recruited you." Her tease carried itself away thereafter with a ridiculous stance, fingers set in fake guns. "I'll allow one picture for personal use. Like this pose, Dr. T'Soni?"

Though there were only hints of limber life leaking out of the rigid military posture, for once, the soldier's way of being stoic had been an addition rather than a subtraction.

"Pew pew."

Liara laughed and blushed, giving a friendly shove.

Neither yet know that a truer statement had never been spoken.

Proper morning greeted Shepard with a dull headache as light gradually grew brighter, interrupting their conversation on the couch as she sought out her sunglasses. T'Soni excused herself to the kitchen with a promise that she would brew tea, and that alone tested the soldier's discipline as she struggled not to salivate. It had been too long since she had indulged in anything that wasn't caffeine or alcohol.

"Are you hungry?" T'Soni's voice carried down the hallway, and bare feet plodded on tiles. Her head poked out the corner. "I do not have much other than nonperishable goods, but it will help until we head back out and pick up something to eat along the way."

"That sounds good, yeah. I'll have whatever you like the least. I'm not a picky eater. Do you need help?"

For some reason, the archaeologist just stared at her.

So Shepard stared back.

A single scrap of understanding was not shared as T'Soni abruptly left for the kitchen. It wasn't the first time Shepard had these kinds of situations with people - or maybe she had zoned out again without actually hearing that there was something said. The soldier shrugged it off and decided to utilize the bathroom in the mean time, inspecting every single corner as she had. She opened the glass enclosure of the shower to ensure there weren't any cameras anywhere. Couldn't be too careful.

It may have not been T'Soni herself doing the spying, after all, as a keyed password could be easily hacked if someone wanted inside. It just seemed doubtful that Matriarch Benezia would ally with Saren and not do some spying of her own, if they were able to locate the archaeologist in the first place. Or there was a contact in the university that had sold T'Soni out.

"I need less questions and more answers."

"Commander? Where did you go?"

Shepard immediately slid the glass door shut as quietly as possible, then rushed to turn on the sink water as her alibi. She stared at herself in the mirror, one hair away from ripping it all out with this tumultuous turmoil inside her mind. She never had so much difficulty assessing someone and stating so, uncaring if it's cold or callous. She wasn't used to the other party understanding when they're told. Most people have gotten upset and told her off in defence of their character.

"Am I wrong to judge her character? Am I wrong to keep doubting? I know some of the things I've done contradict that, telling her that I've been evaluating her is one of the stupidest things an idiot can do. If she is guilty, now she knows I suspect it, and she'll put in more effort to hide."

This wasn't supposed to be so... Conflicting.

"Commander?"

T'Soni's voice was drawing nearer, and soon there was a gentle tap on the bathroom door.

"Are you okay?"

"No." Shepard wanted to say. "Help me make up my mind. Do something that will help me trust you. Don't you have some convenient proof laying around that you're not a security risk?" Her eyebrows furrowed. She abruptly turned off the tap and opened the door, coming face-to-face with a startled expression. "Could you give me those papers you were talking about before?"

Confusion was deeply seeded in every nook and cranny of the archaeologist's face. Her mouth opened and closed, hanging uselessly. Then she smiled. "How about we discuss this during breakfast? I personally have trouble thinking or working on an empty stomach. I can give you the papers after breakfast to get started on reading when we travel, but I can summarize some concepts as we eat."

"Oh no, what have I done? I keep landing myself in these situations every time. 'Preservation' is going to be the first concept, without a doubt."

"Might I ask what reminded you?" T'Soni asked. "It's quite curious that you found inspiration in the bathroom." She poked her head in and glanced around. "I suppose that Prothean artwork there might've..."

"Definitely not the art."

That was the catalyst to an amused look. The archaeologist rocked back on her heels with her smile growing. "No?"

"No."

"Not a fan of art or not a fan of Protheans?"

"Both."

Blunt answers seemed to delight the asari, though it baffled the soldier how her rudeness was actually apparently found entertaining. She was more than aware she was being rude and wanted to make it adamantly clear that that was how strongly she felt about 'art' by continuing to be rude regardless.

"Then I must warn you, Commander, that my papers may not be an easy read for you - they are about the Protheans, after all."

Shepard nipped her tongue before brash honesty came out on that one. She squeezed through the space between the archaeologist and the door space, heading down to the kitchen as she elected a more neutral answer.

"Let's eat."

A wry chuckle danced behind her. She was caught and they both knew it. Two steaming bowls of something waited at the table, and Shepard assumed the first seat closest to the entrance to the kitchen just in case. She waited until T'Soni had seated before looking into the bowl, staring as she tried to figure out what this something even was. It smelled amazing, but looked like a puddle of vomit.

"Can't be any worse than MREs."

She picked up a spoon and scooped up a curious looking thing, mildly aware of observatory eyes on her. When she popped it into her mouth, she smiled at T'Soni.

And struggled not to visibly gag.

"Just out of curiosity, what is this?" Shepard asked between chewing the smallest mouthfuls, and yet it still somehow expanded in her mouth.

"It's a nonperishable take on a traditional asari dish, but without spending a whole day cooking everything just to make it. I believe the closest thing to reference it to for humans is that it's a type of gumbo with calamari being the key ingredient." T'Soni leaned forward eagerly. "Do you like it? It is my personal favourite."

"I've been poisoned once. That tasted better than this."

But all the soldier did was nod and smile. Her discipline was put to the test as she forced herself to chow down this sludge beneath her, closing her eyes as she used the tantalizing smells to her imagination. Her efforts were mostly spent on imagining what in the hell happened to this poor asari's taste buds.

"At least she's not going to have any trouble with our MREs then. Only positive I can see coming out of this nightmare."

They ate in silence, until Shepard's discipline began to crack. She grunted and coughed a couple times. A glass of water was offered without word and she had downed it in seconds, her only saving grace. She plowed through the sludge as fast as possible so this suffering would be over already. It took immense effort to force gratitude out of her mouth when she would rather slap a grenade in the bowl and exile the thing out of existence.

"Note to self: buy nonperishables when we're out, or she might actually kill me tonight if I have to eat this crap again."

Maybe that was the plan, and suspicion reignited for it. The archaeologist could have put actual poison in that bowl and maybe that was why it was so foul tasting. Shepard abruptly reached forward and stole T'Soni's bowl, helping herself to a spoonful.

And struggled not to visibly gag again.

"Nope, still tastes like ass. Maybe she's trying to commit double suicide?"

"I'll get another serving," T'Soni chuckled, not perturbed by the blatant stealing of her food. "I've never seen anyone take to it as well as you do."

"Oh no, what have I done... Why do I keep sabotaging myself? At this rate, I'm my own security risk."

Shepard strained the most pitiful smile. She just couldn't bring herself to lay down the hammer, for once, and that puzzled her. She never held punches back with anyone and there were a couple times she already had done that with the archaeologist, or at least made a conscious effort to soften the blow. But it was nice to see the way the asari moved about her kitchen with energy, the likes she hadn't possessed before. It seemed she was genuinely excited - even if deceived - that someone cherished this sludge with her.

On a limb, the soldier noted. "This dish seems to mean a lot to you." She stuffed a spoonful in and closed her eyes again as she focused on the smells. It was beginning to taste less like ass. To anyone, maybe that could be flagged as a good thing, that it was an acquired taste finally growing on the soldier. To a pessimist - though she dared say pragmatist - like her, though?

"Sayonara, taste buds. It was nice having you for as long as you lasted."

The suffering nearly distracted critical thinking, and she realized then that T'Soni remained silent with her back facing the soldier. She slithered back to the table with a fresh bowl in her hands, revealing the reminiscent smile that played on her lips, her eyes a thousand yards away. After she popped a spoon of sludge in her mouth, her eyes fluttered shut and she let out the tiniest grunt of appreciation. Then she nodded.

"It does mean a lot to me," T'Soni whispered. "It was one of mother's homemade dishes that she cooked often for me as a child. That stopped when she became a Matriarch. I do not harbour resentment for her as her duties were very important and made large positive impacts on the community and the policy forums, but... I still can't help but wish we could have those days again, even if for a little while."

Shepard digested the information and the sludge, not really knowing how to comment on the personal aspect. Something shut off inside of her upon the reminiscence of childhood.

"Policy forums?" Shepard asked instead. "Your government is online, or something?"

"We do not necessarily have a government, at least, not in the form of appointed leaders. The exception is Citadel council's Councillor Tevos in order to represent asari in interstellar affairs. In asari's absolute democracy, legislature is dictated by the consensus of the citizens, even naturalized non-asari citizens. There are infrastructures dedicated wholly for communications to achieve this. The virtual legislative chambers are accessible to every citizen, where everyone can share opinions and debate the merits upon it. There are no representatives or those with the power to veto. That being said, Matriarchs play a major role in setting policy as their wisdom is respected because of their centuries of experience, but they still encourage to be challenged and critiqued by the younger generation. We do not fight over perspectives, but rather we seek to understand them, and from there the foundation of a policy begins to form with factors accounted for."

The soldier frowned a little. "That sounds incredibly difficult to cement policies that will work for everyone, doesn't matter how involved they all are in the process itself. If anything I think it would convolute it with so many voices, sacrifices just have to be made in order for a compromise for the greater good on a whole to actually succeed. Is it actually possible to govern things the way the asari are?"

T'Soni smiled. "A question I challenged mother with, often. I doubted too, but doubt is good. It paves the path to understanding. I learned that it is not unattainable, though naturally a lot of time is invested to understand the consensus. It was why mother was so busy. She never stopped working, never stopped trying to understand people, never stopped trying to guide or encourage new leaders to rise and guide."

Her gaze travelled somewhere distant again as it fell to the sludge.

"It was a strange transition in our lives, at first. I admired her greatly and missed her terribly. Our relationship changed, and though I knew I was her daughter, I felt as though I was just another asari to be taken into account for in the greater scheme of things, especially when I was constantly encouraged to follow her footsteps. I understood her intentions and that she wanted the best for me, of course, but I felt as though I became her shadow rather than her daughter. So I escaped altogether and... Well I suppose I rebelled with my chosen profession." She chuckled humourlessly. "Saying all of this out loud... It sounds childish and selfish of me, doesn't it?"

"Every child wants to feel loved by their parents," Shepard reassured, though she heard how robotic she had sounded over it. She attached her focus to her bowl. "Sounds to me that you decided to rebel to remind her that you're her daughter and not her shadow, rather than being overwhelmed by her duties."

"And instead that rebellion may have cost me my mother." T'Soni sighed, shoulders sagging with it. "Maybe if I did follow in her footsteps, I would-"

"Be with Saren, be with her," the soldier interjected firmly. "Or maybe not. Maybes are pointless, are heartaches and headaches. We can 'maybe' our whole day to the end of our days. Maybe be the cause of the end of our days to begin with."

Shepard rose and picked up her chair as she rounded the table to sit beside the archaeologist. She needed support to finish this sludge and prayed T'Soni would be sticking her spoon in here out of selfish love for it. It didn't happen. She seemed to be more tense over their proximity, a shared sentiment, but even Shepard was willing to sacrifice her need for space and that should have spoken more words to anyone that knew her. The asari didn't, though.

After another spoonful, she just couldn't take it anymore.

"I've been tortured before, Dr. T'Soni," Shepard blurted, "And it wasn't nearly as bad as this soup. Even calling this 'soup' is a crime against actual soups."

Laughter burst and caught her off guard. Her head snapped to the archaeologist, bewildered that her rudeness was once again subject for amusement rather than retribution. Apparently. T'Soni covered her mouth with the back of her hand, eyes squeezed shut as she tried to tame and suppress her mirth. Then she flashed the kind of smile that screamed traitor to the soldier.

"You knew? And you're still making me eat this?"

"I'm not making you do anything, Commander," T'Soni chuckled, helping herself to a spoonful. This time, she had grimaced, the veil of her discipline now abandoned. "Goddess, this is awful. Mother would be appalled."

"You... You knew! When?"

"Oh, I don't know. Perhaps it was every single time you glared at it as if you wanted to eradicate it in the most vicious way possible."

"Yeah, I was dead wrong about her making more effort to hide if she's guilty. She's flaunting it, if anything."

Their legs accidentally bumped when T'Soni had folded one of hers over the other. Though she warded her foot a safe distance away, she seemed to grow a little more comfortable with their space as she rested her fist against the side of her head, smiling away as she dipped her spoon and swirled the sludge around in Shepard's bowl.

"I commend your valour to attempt eating this for as long as you had, Commander. Most people would have broken far sooner."

Her smile twisted into a smirk that screamed how she thought she was so clever, whatever shyness she possessed before had been eradicated in the most vicious way possible.

"I guess it is a good thing you are not like most people."

Stumped, all Shepard could do was stare. Was this punishment for confessing she had her suspicions of T'Soni? She picked up her spoon and sank it in the sludge to stop the archaeologist's tracks in it.

"After everything I survived, someone tries to assassinate me with horrible cooking." The soldier met the eyes that danced across from her. "I'll return the favour someday."

"May we please first acknowledge that you're still alive? I would prefer to preserve my life."

Shepard groaned upon hearing 'preserve'. Upon seeing that clever smile, she knew it was intentional. She reciprocated it.

"My evaluation is complete: you are a security risk after all, Dr. T'Soni."