Chapter 6: Answers in the Form of Questions
Permission to lockdown Matriarch Benezia's property was gotten from Councillor Tevos, so the asari police wouldn't catch wind of what happened and investigate. Shepard organized a team of marines to go with Tali - in the event anything needed hacking - and Garrus as their only option as a detective to gather any forensic evidence.
All that remained was calculating the risk of sending Dr. Chakwas with the team to see what she could discover from the bodies left behind, if there was anything death could tell more than life.
Shepard waited by the corner with the good doctor as they both observed T'Soni, who hovered over the plinth-turned-incubator of one of the unconscious commandos.
"Unless there is some new drug that is undetectable by even our scanning technology, then they do not have anything in their system," Dr. Chakwas spoke quietly. "And they never did."
"There has to be something... What I fought just wasn't normal. I've fought asari before, and it was just too convenient that suddenly even a civilian had the reflexes and strength of a trained professional."
"You're sure the first one was a civilian? Not just wearing casual clothes?"
"Her body wasn't built the way it naturally would be if she fought the way she did. No scars either." Shepard lowered her voice to a mutter. "Well, now she does..." She crossed her arms. "What other tests can you run?"
"I'm running one right now to scan their brains, and I'd like to ask Dr. T'Soni if she would be willing to volunteer for one so that I have a normal asari brain for comparison. I suspect that whatever has altered them, has altered their nervous system, perhaps by other means than the work of chemicals and drugs."
"Normal?" Shepard wryly smiled to herself as her gaze went to the archaeologist. "That's a very creative definition of 'normal' standing there." She nodded to the medical doctor. "Alright. Keep me posted on the results. I'll leave Dr. T'Soni in your hands."
"Would you like me to travel with the team to Benezia's property, Commander?"
Shepard shook her head. "Focus on testing these two first. I want to make sure that estate is clear of threats before I send you in. I'll have Wrex guard these two in the mean time and Chief Williams will escort you once the team gives the all-clear."
"Understood, Commander."
The soldier slowly approached T'Soni, unsure whether to reach for the shoulder or not. She stayed a respectable distance aside and waited until she noticed the head bob up and eyes hailing to her.
"Dr. Chakwas will need you for a test. After that, you are welcome to come to my quarters and use whatever you need to there, like my heavy bag or... Or anything. Just help yourself. I will see who is free and talk to them about setting up your accommodations here."
"We aren't going back to my apartment?"
"We will. I'm just going to change my uniform, retrieve our rations and see what we can do for your boarding here. I shouldn't need any longer than an hour and you will likely be done by Dr. Chakwas by then as well."
"Alright. Thank you, Commander."
It was like the soul was ripped out of the individual in front of Shepard. She was more than aware about what those haunted eyes meant, but she didn't know how to help. Her hand reached out without thinking and she gently squeezed the archaeologist's shoulder before she left, leaning over to whisper in Dr. Chakwas' ear as she worked away at her terminal.
"Talk to her if you have extra time after your tests. I... I don't know how to help her."
"I'll talk as I work. She seems to be more comfortable if the focus isn't entirely on her." Dr. Chakwas smiled reassuringly. "Rest easy, Commander. I'm already handling it. As for how to help her... Just listen to her, if she opens up to you, but don't force it out of her."
"I won't know what to say if she does that, though that's the problem. I'll make it worse."
"Nobody ever knows. Just be yourself, Commander. You won't make it worse. She will appreciate it and find comfort in your presence all the same, even if she may not realize it in the moment."
"Just be myself? I'm a professional killer. I don't think Dr. T'Soni would appreciate an arm wrapped around her throat."
Still, the soldier nodded and trusted in the advice. She tapped the desk as her thanks before she took her leave. It was time to prepare for the mission she was most excited for.
Revenge.
Curiosity tempted Liara the longer she travelled beside a mute mule. The human was carrying a large bag with them, and it passed through security. Could it have been weapons being smuggled? The Commander was authorized because of her Spectre status though, so smuggling made no sense, especially when the nature of their wounds had to be filed in a report.
The oddest observation to date was how obvious Shepard was smiling, too. Normally, it was subtle, and there was a sense that sometimes it was being controlled - those ones were the most amusingly awkward with how the human seemed to struggle to reassure by employing a smile as her tool. Now, it did not seem to be one of reassurance, or related to the recent...
Events.
Liara tried not to think about it. She tried so, so desperately hard, but the images were burned behind her eyelids and she was forced to see them every time she blinked. She glued her gaze to the scenery, tried to hook on the sights and sounds of this bustling city around them. Then she remembered something. Her head shot to the soldier, eyes wide with concern as she chastised herself for her foolish forgetfulness.
"Commander, are you okay?"
"Hm? Yeah, why?" Shepard turned her head, brow arched.
The reminder of those sunglasses made the asari kick herself harder.
"Y-your concussion... And you got injured on your forehead, a-and..."
"Oh."
Shepard's smile changed. It wasn't obvious anymore. It was more comforting, though.
"It's fine, Dr. T'Soni. That one was actually just a scratch. It was just being dramatic at the time. Truly, please don't worry."
"O-oh... I see." She met the smile readily, her mind feeling just a touch lighter. "That's a relief."
"Good."
In just one word, one pause, all the air of awkwardness that usually plagued them had stuffed itself in the space between them. She wasn't sure what the cause was and was caught off guard by the way the sensation had made itself so powerfully obvious, that she couldn't help but be consumed as they both chuckled - very awkwardly - over it.
She found it quite entertaining with the way the human tried to pretend it wasn't there.
"Good..." Shepard repeated. "Yeah..."
Liara looked forward with a smile. These kinds of moments always did well to distract her from the darker things in her mind. She hailed a cab for them and synced her credit chit, only for a brusque arm to be shot forward, pushing hers aside as the soldier's omni-tool lit up.
"Let me. You've been paying for all expenses and have been letting me stay at your place. It's my turn, today."
"I was not aware we were taking turns," Liara mused, brow arched with amusement.
"Well... Well we are. Tomorrow is my turn too."
"Mm. That makes logical sense, Commander."
"Of course it does. I always make logical sense."
"The way she says that with such a serious face... It is truly difficult to deduce whether or not she actually is serious, and if she's aware that others may be questioning the same. But I've learned that she is all the time, so I believe it's safe to say she still is. Except for Xiomara."
Liara chuckled at the hand that kept gently slapping at hers in an effort to ward her away from paying and took the hint. She kept her curiosity contained when the mystery bag rattled and clacked with the contents inside, though prayed the sky-car would already take them to her apartment. The ride felt more like 10 years rather than 10 minutes, and she was the first one out as soon as they stopped at their destination.
For some reason, there was an undercurrent of excitement that surged through her. It was the singular thing of hope to hold onto in this madness, to help retain her sanity and her sense of what's right and what's wrong, and the best part of it all?
It appeared that she wasn't the only one excited.
Why the Commander was, was a mystery, but Liara had learned in rather callous ways that the human seemed to be desensitized to violence. She wasn't troubled at all with what happened at the mansion, wasn't surprised, wasn't vindictive, wasn't pointing the finger at anyone. She just accepted the situation for what it was. In Liara's experience and observation, that kind of demeanour in anyone was forged because of their experiences.
{Well, I've been knocked down, blown up, poisoned, shit on and shot at, so nothing surprises me much anymore.}
As they entered the apartment complex and rode the elevator, Liara's eyes wandered down to the synthetic leg, where it was now covered again by the uniform and a new pair of boots. Upon closer inspection, only one who knew what resided underneath would be able to pinpoint the discrepancies no matter how keen an eye one possessed. The bagginess of the uniform's pants did well to hide the nature - and synthetic nature - of the legs.
"She mentioned she's been tortured once."
A small smile as to why she was told that - and how her soup was worse than that harrowing experience.
"Commander Shepard has lived through her fair share of scars. I presumed before that she does not understand trauma for how she regards things thereafter, but... I am the one that does not yet understand trauma, aren't I? She would understand it more than anything and anyone else, right now."
Perhaps the key to surviving it at all was the way the human regarded things the way she had.
But to call any part of that madness a success... It just seemed warped beyond belief. She wasn't entirely sure if she would ever want to regard things that way.
The elevator ride felt remarkably long, and it was then she realized she had pressed the wrong floor. She smiled apologetically at the human when they stopped at the next floor, and she pressed the right button.
"My apologies, Commander. I don't know what I was thinking when I pressed that one. It will be a couple minutes longer."
"Oh." The soldier stiffened, only appearing more comfortable when she settled in her rigid military stance. "Don't worry, Dr. T'Soni. It's fine."
"She's always trying to comfort me in her own little ways. I suppose I should not be so hard on her. She does not seem like someone who's spent a lot of time outside her uniform."
At that thought, her face threatened to flush with warmth, actually rushing to correct herself.
"Not outside her uniform in that manner..."
Every second spent not already inside their apartment had led to little fascinating discoveries as the rigid soldier's excitement unfolded in decreasingly subtle ways. Shepard began to rock back and forth from toe to heel, bounced the tiniest bit amounts that gradually became just a touch more obvious, and adjusted the bag in her arms. A lot. It didn't appear heavy. There seemed to be more packed in there than just food for tonight.
As soon as the elevator stopped on their floor, Liara was left to observe air. She was baffled by which the speed the soldier could move - both in combat, and apparently during times like now. Instead of being the leader, she was following after the human, and had outright gawked when Shepard had unlocked her apartment. Boots, that were somehow, sometime, already unlaced, were toed off as Shepard maintained her momentum and invited herself inside with nary an explanation as to how in the universe she had even known the password.
"I'm... Not entirely sure I want to ask?"
Liara quietly entered and removed her shoes, tucking everything in the corner of the doorway as she turned to lock the door. She glanced over her shoulder to do a double take.
"This is my apartment, right?"
"Commander? Where did you go?"
Liara strode down the hallway slowly, trying to catch up with her brain left far back at the elevator. She got one answer in the form of a body in her dimmed-lit living room, but was given a hundred more questions. The dutiful soldier had her sunglasses off, was setting things up, and helped herself to moving the furniture, turning the couch with ease so that it faced a wall. A table was directly in front of the wall with some small peculiar machine propped on it, a lens aimed towards the ceiling. Shepard had just pulled out something from the bag and placed it beside the machine.
"Tonight it's my turn," the soldier stated seriously, "Where I get to plan what we'll do. And it absolutely will not involve any museums."
"Intriguing. She seems to have been traumatized by something in the museums," Liara noted with a smile quirking her lips. "I wonder what? Couldn't have been the floors of art."
She approached the couch as she tried to steal a peek inside the bag that was left there, though Shepard caught on to her quickly and came over to close it.
"Not yet. You don't get to find out about my plan until it happens."
"Am I allowed to ask questions as it's happening?" Liara asked as she tried to keep her amusement out of her tone. "Because I am fairly certain I will be confused, as I am now. I already have so many questions, Commander."
"Yeah. Well."
Shepard abruptly left the room with the bag, and it sounded as though she had rummaged about in the kitchen. Nothing else was said.
"I suppose that was the extent of her 'answer'."
Liara chuckled to herself. In the mean time, she went upstairs into her bedroom to change into a fresh set of clothes. She tried to ignore or pretend she hadn't seen the stains and blood as she balled up what she had worn, and promptly went to stuff it in a laundry chute. Even if the I.D. tagger malfunctioned in identifying her as the owner of these clothes, she wouldn't make a fuss about never getting them back. She made brief eye contact through the bars of her railing when the human entered mid-changing. Shepard reacted quickly and turned to face away, not allowing Liara to have a chance to be embarrassed as a new question revealed itself - and it wasn't what the soldier was asking.
"Do you have something that is able to generate heat like a blowtorch, if you don't have a blowtorch?"
Why would anyone have a blowtorch in their apartment?
"I'm still not entirely sure I want to ask." Liara cleared her throat to rid the lump that had grown over the awkward exposure. "I have spare tools stored in my office for my expeditions. You may find something there. Otherwise, there's the stove."
"No, no, no, a stove won't do. You have to have the traditional experience."
With that, Shepard disappeared. Did she even know where the office was?
"At this rate, I'm just not going to ask."
"You have 32 minutes before we commence my plan!" Shepard shouted from somewhere. "You should take a shower!"
"Is she implying I smell?"
Liara blushed, mortified, and somewhat undignified over this brush of rudeness. She hoped that wasn't the case, that it was just another little effort to help her feel better. A hot shower wouldn't hurt after all. She took the rest of the clothes she had yet to don and left for the bathroom, her body already melting just at the sight of her stall. She hadn't bothered to fold her clothes or hang anything up as she stripped on the way to the stall, leaving a trail. Even the initial burst of cold water was welcome.
But, somewhere along the way, she had felt a familiar sensation. Like she was being watched. She glanced over with nervous trepidation, but no one was there. Not yet.
She yelped when the door slid open and Shepard casually poked her head in.
"Hey. Where can I find a sheet of steel? Got something like that anywhere?"
"Why would I - no, okay, not asking, not asking."
Liara tried to give a polite hint as she covered her intimate parts, grateful that at least the soldier's eyes didn't wander down to her body. That serious expression of hers was the only comfort here, a familiarity to hold onto, and yet that comfort was lost upon the constant beating of hot water on very very bare skin. All she could manage was a shake of her head.
"Shit. Alright, I'll improvise."
Shepard was gone as fast as she came.
Minutes later, there were thunderous noises outside the bathroom, and she swore she heard the kind of chuckling that she could only describe as a heinous villain from the shows she used to watch as a child. She had completely forgotten she was supposed to be showering and was caught off guard when Shepard casually entered the bathroom again, helping herself to the cabinets in whatever she was in search of. Liara helplessly watched as her spray deodorant was taken hostage.
Another minute, and more heinous chuckles accompanied the thunderous noises.
Curiosity couldn't wait any longer, especially now that a dreadful feeling seized her stomach. She quickly soaped up and rinsed off, moving with all the haste in the galaxy to prevent being walked in on without a towel. Next time - and she would certainly not forget - she would lock the bathroom. She dried off and donned her clothes in record speed, an absentminded thought remarking how much trouble mother used to have trying to get her out of bed. She smiled even with the pang of pain seeded in her heart.
One long breath was taken to brace herself before she left the bathroom.
And she entered a nightmare.
Her sieve was used as the improvisational sheet of steel, apparently, as the Commander held some kind of makeshift flamethrower over whatever was supposed to be cooked inside the sieve. The spray deodorant seemed to be the catalyst to send the flame forward when it was sprayed inside a long metal pipe with lit matches taped at the end, where insulating tape haphazardly secured a handle for Shepard to hold onto - thankfully with her synthetic hand. There was an array of other bottles and severed pieces of pipe laying about the living room with this insane makeshift lab experiment unfolding before her eyes. Her heart fell apart as she watched her precious sieve slowly melt.
"Th-that sieve was top of the line, to aid me to sift and separate wanted elements from unwanted material," Liara lamented in despair.
Her knees grew weak and she walked over to hold onto her railing for support. The human hadn't heard her, but saw and smiled as she held up her makeshift torch, thankfully with the flame off. She gestured to the resilient container that was inside the sieve.
"Should be safe to eat this one since the container can survive a bomb. I heated up your portion if you'd like to try it, it'll take me another minute for mine."
"Should be?" Liara swallowed nervously as she descended the steps, staying a safe distance away from the pyromaniac. "What is it?"
"MREs, stands for: meal, ready-to-eat. Traditionally eaten out on the battlefield. I brought proper rations too, but I wanted you to try this first. It'll become your staple meal on missions."
Shepard was able to grab the hot container with her synthetic hand, curious of what military-grade materials it was made of to not melt. She glanced around and then left for the kitchen. The asari followed quickly and held her breath as she watched the container be propped on top of her stove, praying it wouldn't melt her stove itself. Some kind of hook or switch was flicked and the container opened to reveal the food contents within, as well as steam flying out.
"The ones we'll take on our missions are organized in packets and has a flameless heater," Shepard explained, "But I took these ones so we can actually use them up. Nobody ever has time to try and figure out a heat source on a mission."
"Yes. I can quite understand why, with the contraption you've created."
"And the mako's jets heats the container up too much that the food just melts into a smoothie."
Liara wisely stayed silent and tried not to draw too much attention as such, hoping this nightmare will end sooner if the human exhausts her volatile state by cooking their... Food.
It smelled delicious though, whatever it was. She approached cautiously and took a wide berth away from the flamethrower. The sight looked appetizing as well.
"This one is called 'Chicken à la King', consisting of diced chicken in a cream sauce, often with sherry, mushrooms, and vegetables, served over rice. If you don't like this one, mine is just macaroni and chili."
"Macaroni?"
"A type of pasta."
Shepard blew out the matches - thank the Goddess - of her flamethrower. Her openly eager expression was endearing and Liara's stomach did funny things. She took out a utensil from a cupboard and was mindful not to have her hand near the heated container as she scooped a small bit, then gently blew on it to cool it down. She tried not to chuckle with the way the human's eyes seemed to have lit up even more than her illuminating optic implants.
After a bite, she struggled not to visibly gag.
"Do you like it?" Shepard asked eagerly.
Liara didn't have the heart to tell the truth. She nodded and smiled.
"I may die tonight. Even what happened in mother's home was not as painful as this."
A glass of water was offered and she accepted it graciously, downing it in seconds, her only saving grace. She plowed through this 'meal' as fast as possible so this suffering would be over already. It took immense effort to force gratitude out of her mouth when she would rather slap a singularity in the bowl and exile the thing out of existence.
Clarity - though not mercy - came in the form of familiar words.
"This is my personal favourite, Dr. T'Soni."
"Ah." Liara's head snapped to the soldier, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place. "I see what she's doing, why she looks like that." She smirked. "Have you ever seen anyone take to it as well as I do?"
The answer to that wasn't direct, but even it's indirect solution was acceptable.
"It's a dish that means a lot to me. It was one of the military's homemade dishes cooked for me as a recruit. That stopped when I became a Commander. I do not harbour resentment-"
"Oh, you!"
Liara laughed and gave a playful shove, astonished her own words were thrown back with a flawless memory, and flawless improvisation to paraphrase it all. She scooped up some of the 'meal' and seized the first opportunity when the smirking soldier opened her mouth, shoving the horrendous food in. Noises skipped out the human with more glee than the heinous little chuckles over the lab experiment, and it was confounding enough for Liara to make an immediate realization.
"This is the first time I've heard her laugh - actually laugh without seeming as though it is trying to be tamed or disciplined."
When they settled down, Liara took it upon herself to retrieve tongs to take the container, and remorselessly sent the 'food' down the chute to be discarded - but hopefully disintegrated instead. She smiled when all was said and done and casually put the tongs back as she met eyes that remained lit up.
"So, Commander, what else do you have planned for tonight? More torture?"
At that, the soldier seemed to have a wicked idea as it unfolded in the form of her smile.
"No, and I mean that sincerely. I picked up an asari crime show for us to watch."
"And this is the wicked idea." Liara blushed at the implication, hoping it was a tease. Her reaction seemed to be cause for concern.
"Dr. T'Soni, you're flushed. Are you feeling well? Do you need to sit down?"
"Goddess, and this is exactly what she said before, too. But this doesn't seem to be something she's doing on purpose."
A worried hand came steady on her shoulder as Shepard scrutinized her with eyes that seemed to genuinely wonder of the state of her well-being. Liara steeled herself as she sought clarification.
"I-I'm well. What is this show?"
"Blue Bloods, an asari adaptation of a human police procedural crime drama series. It will be educational for me to see what the asari would deem as morally complex issues to discuss and navigate, and if the Police Commissioner is still a principled individual of few words, and if the family dynamics will-"
Shepard droned on and on, and Liara was struggling to keep up when names were dropped. She'd realized a new previously-unfathomable concept.
"This is the first time I've seen the Commander... As not the Commander."
"You seem to greatly enjoy this series," Liara noted quietly in the midst of the soldier's prattling, who immediately stopped with something Liara refused to interpret it as anything other than a bashful smile.
"I suppose I was selfish in selecting this." Shepard picked up the OSD beside the peculiar machine. "I wondered if I should have asked you, but truthfully... I didn't know how." Her eyes zoned out as she stared at the small OSD in her hand. "I don't have many opportunities to shed my uniform. I have to keep reminding myself I'm on a mission, now, to stay vigilant for threats like when I first stepped off the Normandy. It's... An unusual feeling. I've forgotten how to play civilian."
"I would argue that you do not 'play' civilian as if it is a role." Liara decided to disappear upstairs and raised her voice to be heard, searching through her dresser. "I don't think you've forgotten how to be human, Shepard. You have been all this time, in your own little way. I would say you just don't have many opportunities to relax, understandably so, given your occupation."
"And the fact Saren is trying to revive an extinction cycle."
Upon mentioning that, the asari glanced over her railing and saw a shift in Shepard's posture. There seemed to be some kind of realization, and suddenly all that work to shed the uniform had been erased as it buttoned back up.
"I should be working tonight - be out there with the Lieutenant and the others," Shepard said, turning as her gaze seemed to wander off in the direction of the apartment's exit.
Liara's heart teetered on the edge of a cliff just from the prospect of being alone. But she understood duty. She understood how vital this mission was. She swallowed her selfishness and stored the spare clothes she had planned to offer to the soldier so that she could fully and literally shed her uniform tonight. Her heart plummeted off the cliff as she heard the voice over the railing, and it seemed to be nearing, climbing higher.
"Do you think you'll be okay if I leave, Dr. T'Soni?"
"No."
Liara couldn't bear to look, feeling the presence that had climbed up here into the bedroom with her.
"Say no."
But duty had other words.
"Yes, Commander."
Life was drained from her when she heard the creak in the middle of her stairs, indicative that the soldier was leaving after being asserted that terrible lie. She hung on and waited to hear the door slide at the entrance to her apartment before she would allow herself to fall apart with her disappointment and fears. It felt like years passed by before she finally heard a click, and the lights shut off, draping her darkness.
Only, other sounds came to life, and there was flickering lights in her peripheral vision. She glanced over, hit with a new puzzle to decipher when a hologram took shape in her living room. She absentmindedly walked to her railing and watched the back of the soldier, who was muttering things of frustration as she struggled to operate the machine, demanding it to make it's mechanisms known to her.
This question, Liara had to ask.
"Commander?"
Nothing needed to be said. Part of the uniform was shed as the military shirt was abandoned, tossed over to the couch, and the sleeveless top was untucked from pants that had once hung to hips with precision as to where the belt buckle rigidly rested. The rest of the answer came in the form of a question.
"Yes, Liara?"
Shepard looked over her shoulder with a smile that seemed to fit her more than all the others she made before. It illuminated more than the way her optic implants had in this dark room, accentuated by flickering shadows from what the hologram machine played. It was an image the archaeologist was determined to record in the findings of her brain.
"Is there anything else I can do for you, Dr. T'Soni?"
"No... Why did you switch? You were doing so good."
Determined, Liara decided to make that known as she searched her dresser again for those clothes. She came down into the living room and playfully threw them to the soldier.
"Yes. I want you to be yourself more often tonight, or at least try to relax."
Shepard regarded the clothes in her hand with a brow endearingly arched in a mixture of panic and confusion. A small part of the archaeologist hoped she would hear that panic unfold in more mutters upstairs as the mechanisms of her clothes would be navigated. And then there was a sliver of deviousness for a split second as Shepard's gaze met hers.
"Are you sure? Does that mean I can make another blowtorch?"
"That, I can survive without," Liara chuckled. "Please don't destroy my equipment anymore."
Shepard grinned, echoing familiar words that brought more comfort than she was aware of.
"No guarantees, but I'll do the best that I can, Dr. T'Soni."