Chapter 10: The Lone Wolf Paradox
"What are you reading?" Liara asked out of curiosity. She leaned to see.
Apparently she had committed a tragic war crime as such.
Shepard's arm flailed away, head snapping to the archaeologist. The sunglasses were off with a wild look in the eyes. The omni-tool was off in an instant.
"Did... I just catch her doing something she's embarrassed about?"
Oh, Liara had to know now. The imagination ran wild, ideas circulating as to what a stoic and dutiful soldier would be embarrassed about. The best and most realistic the archaeologist could come up with was probably some frivolous suggestion of... Not doing duty, perhaps indulge in more beach trips and episodes.
"None of your business," Shepard blurted. "Do your no-boundary thing to someone else."
"I can already see her never reading in my proximity ever again, now," Liara thought with great amusement.
She decided to indulge another day and fought bravely to ignore the temptations of curiosity. She had offered her omni-tool instead.
"I forgot to bring my paper with me. Would you like me to send you a digital copy? You may be able to finish it in 2 hours."
The sunglasses slowly - almost dramatically - slid back on. Shepard stared at her, before helping herself to the archaeologist's omni-tool, nestling the arm in her lap. A blush swallowed Liara's complexion within seconds. She didn't trust her voice to actually be there, to point out and repeat the last part of what she'd just said.
"The file isn't open," Shepard stated.
Of course not, the offer was only just given, without thought it would be taken in this manner.
There was a childlike bliss with the predicament though, and the archaeologist brought up her paper on her omni-tool before she had leaned over and offered her arm again. She sucked in the flesh of her cheek and gnawed on it to stop herself from smiling foolishly when Shepard scowled endearingly before she yanked on the arm to have a little more of it.
"Goddess, give me the courage to tell her these feelings, someday. And give her the courage to process them, rather than hide away from them."
Silence fell upon them. Liara's arm ached the longer it hovered in air, and begun to quiver from the strain. She resolved to keep her gaze squarely on the window - never mind the things that passed outside - when a warm sturdy arm slid under the length of hers to take the burden away. She wondered if it was the covered synthetic limb or not. Eventually, she was pulled to sit a little closer when Shepard tugged her wrist to rest on the soldier's lap. Their shoulders pressed. The warmth that radiated from the rigid body was more than welcome. Liara was cursing herself, though, for her brain turned into a scrambled egg. She wanted to confess, but couldn't.
"Just say 'I find you fascinating, Commander'. She can interpret it however she wants, and it should be similar to her saying I'm interesting. That's safe enough to say, is it not? I need to say something. I find you fascinating. I find you fascinating. Say it."
"This is intriguing," Shepard noted. Her brow slightly arched in awe.
From this angle, Liara could see the side of the soldier's face, the eyes that darted about behind the safety of those sunglasses. She wanted to jump, elated that her hard work was being praised, when everybody else had criticized and spurned her for what they deemed as baseless foolishness. They were too fearful to speculate. Too stubborn to accept the possibilities and patterns that the evidence had suggested.
"I suppose we could discuss Prothean things," the soldier idly concluded. "Absolutely no artwork though. That holds no merit."
"What if it was evidence painted in the form of art? What if they illustrated what the Conduit is?"
Perhaps it was evil to suggest such a thing, but it was marvellous to earn the way that head turned ever so deadpan. The eyes disappeared behind the sunglasses, but Liara didn't need to see them. She smiled away and waited with her breath held, hanging on to every single second, every single amusing possibility of the things Shepard could or want to say. The soldier simply looked back at the omni-tool and continued to read.
"I'm a good fisher, Liara."
Confusion hit her from the out-of-the-blue statement, until it fell together.
"That means I'm not the fish who'll take the bait."
"You were about to."
"That's besides the point," Shepard scoffed lightly. "I'm easily triggered."
"I can tell." Liara smirked. "It is it's own entertainment to tease you."
"Yeah, that, I can tell too."
A brief chuckle was shared, before amiable silence wrapped around them. Liara adjusted how she sat so that she wasn't crooked, their shoulders more firmly pressed. The rigidity in the body next to her seemed to be of strength rather than tension. She bit her cheek harshly when a foot planted beside hers.
"I find you fascinating, Commander."
Liara looked out the window.
"Little by little, you are sailing further out to chart these unknown waters. Even with your fear of drowning, of screaming and being unheard, you are sailing anyways. You're containing the best of you. What are you afraid of, in that regard? Of being spurned? Of being rejected? No, these things don't matter to you. You're a leader. You couldn't care less of what someone thinks of you."
All she had to do was open her mouth and let these sail away, rather than her endless drifting thoughts.
"So what are you afraid of?"
Liara looked back at the soldier.
"Why do you interchange from 'Dr. T'Soni' to 'Liara' so frequently? It is as though you want to reach out, but you're afraid. But if you're not afraid of being spurned..."
"Is there something on my face?" Shepard asked, though her gaze remained glued to the omni-tool. "I can feel you staring. Are you trying to contain yourself with your Prothean artwork?"
"I am containing myself, yes." Liara chuckled at the sleight-of-hand tease. "Just... Studying. Thinking of things."
"And that has something to do with my face?"
A blush was coming on. So was panic. Liara was confronted by sunglasses sliding off so those once-intimidating eyes could scrutinize her more clearly.
"Studying y-your optic implants," she lied.
There were far too many long seconds ticking by before Shepard shrugged and closed her eyes, leaning her head back. Her hand slipped over the archaeologist's wrist to prevent the arm being pulled away.
"Just taking a quick break, getting a headache from all this reading. Then you can study all you want."
"Perhaps we should wait until you've recovered more, so that you won't repeat the cycle by constantly antagonizing your concussion, Commander."
"Mm... We should. But we still have just a little less than 2 hours to go." Her head fell to the side as she opened her eyes. "Did you think of things to talk about, by any chance?"
Liara nodded. "They are not very interesting though, I'm sorry to say."
"You could make watching paint dry interesting, Dr. T'Soni," Shepard readily reassured.
"Yes, that thing you do? It's not helping me. How is the one so disconnected from her feelings, so easily able to express them? Does she just not realize the weight of her words?"
"I cannot tell if that is a compliment or a tease," Liara blurted. She screamed in her head for sabotaging herself.
"A little bit of both," the soldier smirked. "I like to multitask."
As if it was a signal, Shepard's thumb massaged slow circles on the inner part of the archaeologist's wrist. The simple innocent action sent little tingles up and down the forearm, and Liara's gaze fixated on it.
"I find you fascinating, Commander. I am beginning to get the sense that it is mutual, and perhaps you are connected to your feelings. But you're afraid of them. You're not afraid of mine."
Her eyes were pulled up like a magnetic when another hand joined, the cool metal palpating her forearm as the massage travelled up to her elbow, then back down to her wrist. Shepard's gaze never wavered.
"You're afraid of connection, but you keep seeking it. Quite the paradox you've found yourself in."
The thought made her smile sadly.
"The lone wolf doesn't want a pack, because she doesn't want to lose that pack."
"I can see that there are many gears turning in your eyes, Dr. T'Soni. Are you dissecting me?"
"Yes," Liara whispered without thinking.
"Is it scientific curiosity?"
"No."
Shepard's eyes fell to the archaeologist's arm. She wore a contemplative look, her gaze seemingly losing focus.
Liara waited, and waited, and waited. Nervousness and doubt had too much time to settle. She quivered inside, wondering if that little honest admission was confession enough on it's own. Then the massage stopped. The soldier withdrew. She slipped her sunglasses on and turned her head to the window. Disappointment rocked Liara's gut and she kicked herself harshly when even the foot that was pressed to the side of hers had slid away. She took the hint and adjusted to sit further off to give Shepard space. It was one of the hardest things she'd ever done, to stop herself from sighing, to tame her disappointment so that it stayed there, rather than hurt unbearably.
"I should've known better. I had. And I did it anyways. Now she's hiding, and like reading, she may never reach out in my proximity ever again."
She glanced at the clock. A little less than 1 hour and a half to go. This trip has gone so slowly, when she was confident it would be the opposite. She was so sure they would get carried away and lose themselves in conversation. She rested her elbow on the thin ledge of the window sill and rested her mouth against her knuckles to hide her frown. There was a passing thought to just eat her fist next time, so that she would never say or do such foolish things ever again.
Shepeard cleared her throat. "Did you know the only jointless bone in the human body is in our throats? We call it the hyoid bone."
"I... Do not know what to do with this."
Liara stared. She noticed the soldier turn her head ever so slightly, as if to gauge a reaction. Liara quickly smiled and nodded as she cast away her confusion. It seemed to be suitable enough encouragement for Shepard to continue.
"Speech is produced by an interaction of 72 muscles. Pound for pound, bones are 4 times stronger than concrete, even though they're comprised of 31% water. We use 200 muscles to take a single step, and we're sitting on the biggest muscle of our body right now. The gluteus maximus. Uh, human latin for the... The butt." Shepard turned her body a little more to face the archaeologist. "Our ribs move 5 million times in a galactic year, every time we breathe. The tips of our fingers have enough strength to support the weight of our whole body."
"Why is she telling me these facts? I mean, this is preferable to silence, but I find it peculiar that she's latched onto this topic."
"The human body has less muscles in it than a caterpillar. Here, I'll look up a picture of a caterpillar for you. Maybe you have an asari equivalent where it has crazy biotics too."
"Nearly everything on Thessia possesses biotics, except for the creatures in bodies of water not containing element zero," Liara murmured.
She found herself getting sucked in on this slow-rolling ball, the inner scientist in her excited to play with trivia, however senseless. It was somewhat of an eye-opener that someone who had reputed themselves to be pragmatic and dutiful was even interested in learning things that would contribute nothing in her work. She smiled and chuckled at the picture of a tiny fuzzy caterpillar.
"We do have an equivalent of that, yes. Ours does not have fur, though."
"We have those too, but these ones are my favourite."
"A favourite insect. I'd never thought I'd see the day."
It took a lot of willpower not to tease, even in harmless ways right now. Liara wanted to see more of this and not risk dampening this even the slightest bit.
"So how do your caterpillars use biotics?" Shepard asked. "Do they just alter the mass of the ground beneath them and move the ground instead of crawling themselves?"
For some reason, the soldier sounded incredulous. It seemed to be yet another pattern revealed that she seemed bewildered by how Thessia's wildlife all manipulated biotics in their own degree.
"Ours are called luminepillars," Liara explained, "In due part because they are luminescent and emit light without heat. I do not know the specifics entirely but I am aware they manipulate biotics in order to harvest and eat what they are on, usually bark or thick stalks of vegetation, hence the pillar part of their name."
It was far easier to get lost in this conversation, to share knowledge, to learn what existed elsewhere in this galaxy. The Commander seemed to hold a particular fascination with wildlife - perhaps due to her upbringing on a farm. It tempted Liara's curiosity and loosened her tongue before she could think to cage it.
"You seem enamoured with wildlife. Is it because of Shifty?"
Shepard paused in the middle of whatever other fact and picture she was sharing. From the side, all the archaeologist could see was that frozen gaze. Her heart twisted nervously with her stomach. Then the picture disappeared, and the soldier navigated her omni-tool. She wore a thinly-veiled smile, hiding the sadness behind it. A new picture came up. A young girl stood beside a cow, wearing what appeared to be sports gear with a shirt that said 'Mindoir Maws'. It didn't take more than a single guess to figure out who that girl was.
"I'm... Surprised she even has one of herself."
Liara wasn't sure what to do, how to react, and so paid careful attention to mind herself - especially her loose tongue - as she opted out to observe, to let the Commander lead.
"There is so much in this galaxy to learn," Shepard murmured so quietly, the archaeologist needed to lean a little in her strain to hear. "There is so much resting on my shoulders if I fail my mission, if Saren is successful in reviving the Reapers. I like to learn about things like this, because it helps me feel... Urgency, I guess. Maybe it's horrible to say, but I don't really have any urgency with people. Lacking that connection, I suppose. I need to care, though. I need something to fight for. Knowing how much everybody will lose on their own planets helps me with that. Even with your glitterwings and luminepillars. Enamoured? I..."
Shepard's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know. How do you know?" She looked out the window. "It's been so long since I've had that feeling, I've forgotten. I'm just 'interested' in things, but I don't know if I can classify that as being passionate for them."
"You can't classify feelings," Liara blurted, shifting nervously in her seat when those illuminated eyes snapped to her. "Emotions are like... Like the water you stood in, at the beach. Did the waves have definitive beginnings or endings?"
The soldier's eyes lit up just a touch, an endearing contemplative look crossing them. Understanding dawned and Shepard shook her head.
"Exactly, they're like that. They just flow. Passion starts as interest. I wasn't immediately enamoured with the Protheans. It started as a wonder, a curiosity, and as I explored my interest, it turned into the passion it is now. It flowed there naturally as the waves carried me, once I jumped into that sea. So, in lieu of that, I would debate that you have not forgotten, Commander."
Instinct reached as Liara squeezed the soldier's knee with an encouraging smile.
"I would debate that you've always had that feeling. You've just had it on mute. It's time to unmute it, to listen to that feeling, that voice inside you. You'll learn even more when you do."
Tall talk, for someone who was muting their feelings, afraid to express them. In her defence, she was just waiting for the opportune moment where it seemed as though the soldier would be receptive, rather than hide away. Liara was admittedly unnerved by the way those eyes pierced her in that steady gaze, feeling as though she could be seen right though, that her feelings were already on display for all to see, like a museum. It conjured an idea.
"Think of every emotion as something you've locked away in a case at a museum." She smiled when there was a flash of warning in Shepard's eyes, and she squeezed the soldier's knee again. "Just give me a chance with this analogy. You walk by, trying to come to your own interpretation with the chaos locked in the glass, unable to interact because of the posted signs that say do not touch. But, you see? All those things in the museum, it's up to interpretation. You can analyze it logically and come to a rational conclusion, or you can feel it. They are at the mercy of your speculation and that is the inspiring awe of it all. Only you can say what you feel, Shepard. Nobody else."
Shepard seemed to zone out, for a moment, staring blankly. When she came back to the present, she straightened in her seat and looked out the window. She cleared her throat.
"I have a joke."
Liara's head nearly dropped in defeat.
"After all of that... That's all she has to say to it? Perhaps I have rattled her with this talk of feelings."
She inwardly sighed at that thought.
"What's the joke?" Liara asked, trying to soothe the sting away.
"It's uh... Museum joke. About the signs." Shepard shifted in her seat. "I would shake your hand, but the signs say not to touch the masterpieces."
The archaeologist stared. She felt something other than laughter blooming in her chest, and once again was a quick-draw with her smile when Shepard glanced over at her.
"I guess that wasn't a funny joke," the soldier grumbled, though her misgivings seemed more so aimed at herself.
"I would argue that it was more of a flirt than a joke," Liara thought with amusement. "And that is not a bad one, either."
Silence fell between them, but it didn't last long. Shepard seemed wildly uncomfortable with the way her palm ran up and down the side of her thigh, her foot sliding just the tiniest bit closer towards Liara.
"You're good at this stuff, Dr. T'Soni. You'd make a pretty damn good teacher because of the way you're able to explain things, and in a way that I can actually understand. Emotions particularly. You've got a good grasp of them."
"Debatable," Liara quipped quietly.
"No, you definitely do. I mean, I suppose it could be debated since it's an alien subject to me, so maybe I'm not the greatest example to be saying that." Shepard's gaze fell to the picture of her and Shifty, her smile grim. "How ironic that I'm wearing this shirt, in this picture. If only I'd known then what plans life had in store for me."
"The shirt?" Liara's eyes flicked over, catching a momentary glimpse of the shirt again before the omni-tool shut off. "Mindoir Maws?"
"You have an understanding that seems more intimate than anyone else I know," Shepard continued as her voice drifted to a gentle murmur. "You possess the kind of courage that everyone else is afraid of harnessing themselves. Very few are honest with themselves, with their emotions, whether they be good or wretched. Even fewer are patient and empathetic enough of others' emotions, regardless of the form. I appreciate that." She lifted her head and looked over. "It's not escaped my notice that you've been helping me with mine, and I appreciate that too. I apologize that I've been so... Difficult. It's unknown territory to me. Any unknown territory I chart, I'm cautious of."
"You haven't been diffi-"
"I know I have been, Liara." Shepard smiled, small. "While I appreciate that and your intentions behind it, you don't have to coddle me. I would rather the truth. Pain is not a concept I am new to, and I've learned how to handle it."
Liara frowned softly. "It shouldn't have to be painful."
"Lots of things in life shouldn't be, but are. To me, maybe the perspective isn't quite 'right', but I see it as: if you cry about it, you are succumbing to it. I would much rather fight to overcome it. Take these, for example?" Shepard dismissively gestured to her synthetic limbs. "I could have sat and cried forever, and I would be playing right into life's hand. Instead, I worked my ass off to get these. You have to qualify for them, you see. They won't just give you top of the grade stuff out of pity, after all. It costs money. There are lots of other investments needing to be made."
"But... That sounds..."
"Cruel? Maybe, but I understand where they're coming from, how they're thinking. The military is just being pragmatic too. What if I didn't work my ass off and got these limbs anyways, as a charity? What if I let myself fall deeper into a depressive state, maybe even a suicidal one? What if I did step over the ledge? I would then have taken advantage of their own hard work to take these limbs, something someone else could actually be using with the hard work they're investing to get them, and essentially toss it into the garbage. They need some kind of safety net and security that I will use to the fullest extent what they are investing in."
Shepard shrugged, not seeming bitter whatsoever.
"It's not just that. The program that I was in, it's to prepare you for the challenges that cybernetics will hit you with. You need to train harder than even the more elite of special forces, to be even stronger in order to handle what you're given. If I didn't train, my body would be broken now. Even with all the training that I do, I still have issues, and it's just expected because of the differences in metal versus muscle. The occasional back pain because my hip flexors are messed up from the way the synthetic leg reefs on what little thigh I have left for it to remain attached to, and things like that. There's a length discrepancy no matter how good the engineers measure, so my pelvis is shifted, compounding with the problem in my back."
Liara didn't know what to say. She was curious about all of this, yes, but she felt horrible that it had been brought up in this manner. It just all seemed so... Callous. Perhaps she was being naive. It was made clear that the story and the nature behind these synthetic limbs was never a good one, a pleasurable or enlightening experience.
"But... She is talking about them... She's not avoiding the subject with me anymore. What changed?"
For some reason, the soldier chuckled. "Sorry, I unloaded a bit there. Please don't concern yourself with me, Dr. T'Soni. I understand why you will and do. But... You know. I'll be just fine. I know how to handle these things. Always have, always will."
"You don't have to handle them alone," Liara urged, a gritty fire burning in the back of her throat. "Not anymore."
Shepard stared. Smiled. She clasped the hand that was still on her knee and squeezed.
"No offence, Dr. T'Soni, but I do. I prefer it that way. These are my issues, not yours. You already have enough burdening you." She shrugged. "Besides, you can't really do anything about it, so talking about this is moot anyways."
"I... Could..." Liara's forehead creased as she rushed to think of something on the spot, spurting. "Massage. I could massage your back, when it gets achy."
A blush consumed her face within a breath of the frivolous suggestion. Nausea roiled through her stomach and her palm became clammy, grateful to have the soldier's clothes to wipe it off of. There's no way Shepard didn't feel that sweat collecting on the back of the archaeologist's hand though. A single brow cocked up. Eyes widened subtly with surprise.
Then amusement.
"I might just take you up on that offer someday, Dr. T'Soni. You have been proving to be someone patient that I can feel comfortable trying new experiences with. And I've never had a massage before. It's bound to be interesting." Her lips quirked in a subdued smirk. "Maybe we will find our new passion in it."
"Yes. Okay. That thing she does? Being hard to read because she's so serious?"
Liara inwardly sighed and tried to quell the disappointment that brewed.
"If only she knew what she was actually suggesting by saying that."
Stress elevated when they arrived at the university. It should have been full of nostalgic wonder, reliving faded pleasant memories of ridiculous moments and belly-aching laughter. They were the good, innocent days, where Liara wasn't at all aware of what dangers awaited her beyond graduation. When faced with the question of what she'd do, at the time, bravado always answered. She had her share of conflict, and it never got any easier or less terrifying.
Now that conflict may be lurking in the halls of this once-trusted and secure building. She took the lead as they traversed the majestic grounds, taking note of the small things that have been changed, but overall stayed the same. She glanced over at the soldier who seemed to be very impressed, her head swivelling about to absorb as much as possible.
"No, that's not right. I forgot again. She's cautious and analyzing for threats."
"Try not to seem imposing when we deal with the campus security," Liara murmured as she slowed down to walk beside the soldier. "If they are suspicious of something, they will assign someone to follow, or watch the cameras."
"Understood," Shepard nodded. "If they do assign someone to follow us, I will have no choice but to incapacitate them and hide the body."
"Oh, Goddess," Liara inwardly groaned. "Please don't."
"Dr. T'Soni. I will have no choice. We cannot afford to panic the mass if they find out what is actually going on." Shepard scoffed. "Well, even if I told them about the Reapers, some panic might be good rather than this disbelief I keep running into."
Liara shot wide eyes at the soldier. "Please don't."
"I won't. It won't do anyone good for Councillor Tevos to choke me to death if I cause a riot among the asari, or something."
"Yes. Neither of those sound good," the archaeologist cemented. "But please don't incapacitate them."
Shepard arched a brow, though her sunglasses hid her eyes of what emotion she truly felt.
"Dr. T'Soni... We can't always afford to show compassion." She looked ahead. "I will not neutralize the threat permanently, if that is what you are worrying about."
Tension melted away a little upon hearing that.
"Thank you," Liara breathed with relief.
"Besides, explaining a dead university guard to Councillor Tevos will have her choking me to death too."
"I am so relieved she has such a strong sense of self-preservation," Liara inwardly sighed.
They entered the building, where security waited to clear students, professors, and researchers alike. Liara asked herself the question far too late as they came up to the checkpoint.
"What is even her cover story? She can't very well tell them she's with the Alliance military!"
She shot a concerned look over at the soldier, who seemed to catch on to the look. It wouldn't do if she couldn't very well read Liara's mind to catch on to the panic too. They were split up for quicker processing and the archaeologist kept as inconspicuously close as she could, to be able to hear what questions Shepard was being asked, and how she was answering them.
"Purpose of visiting today?" The guard asked Liara.
"I wish to discuss my findings of my Prothean expedition with my sponsor: Chancellor Matriarch Epentha."
"Very well. I.D.?"
Liara engaged her omni-tool, a new level of nervousness overtaking her as she realized that Shepard would be identified by her rank and occupation.
"Ah, Dr. Liara T'Soni," the guard smiled thinly - trying to hide the mockery behind it. "Welcome back, doctor. You may proceed through the scanner and enter the university."
Liara ignored the underlying jabs in body language and the chuckles that stifled behind her back. She was used to the mockery, the whispers and criticisms because of the papers she's written of her findings. Let them talk. One day, and hopefully that day wouldn't come, they would see the evidence for themselves as they would experience what the Protheans went through. For now, she had a much larger concern to tackle. She went over to wait by Shepard's gate, and her knees nearly lost all strength upon hearing the question.
"Purpose of visiting today?"
Shepard's head slightly turned. It was hard to see where she was looking with those infuriating sunglasses, but maybe they would be an advantage for her.
"To tour the University of Serrice."
What a vague answer. The security guard was bound to follow up with that.
"For what purpose?"
"To meet the professors and see if I will be choosing this university as well, for my studies."
Liara tried to school her surprise. Shepard was calm and unperturbed, and it was somewhat disturbing that she could lie so easily. Perhaps it was a necessity often utilized in her work.
"Very well. I.D.?"
"Oh, no." Liara nibbled on her lip nervously as she watched the soldier's omni-tool engage.
Suddenly, it flickered and fizzled out, and Shepard hissed. She clutched her arm with gritted teeth and seemed to tense greatly when the security guard laid a concerned hand on her shoulder.
"Are you okay, ma'am?"
"Y-yeah," Shepard grunted, her tone full of life and agony.
Liara had never heard this before, and her heart lurched out. Part of her wanted to run over to check on the Commander. The other part seemed to be catching onto something.
"Sorry," the soldier flicked her hand, then wiggled her fingers. "I can't make my omni-tool come back on. Shit... What the hell is happening?"
"Maybe a virus, ma'am. You should get that checked out and replace your omni-tool, then change your passwords as soon as possible. I've seen that before. We have tech support here." The guard looked hesitantly over her shoulder. "I can't let you through unless I verify your I.D. though."
Confidence fixed Shepard's posture right up. She stole whatever opportunity just presented itself to her.
"I'm Mrs. T'Soni."
Liara choked on her own spit.
"Dr. Liara T'Soni is waiting for me, there. She could verify my identity, perhaps?"
Incoherent words screamed gibberish in the archaeologist's brain. A stronger, louder bout surged through her when the guard turned to look at her, as if contemplating, and waved her over. Her feet carried her without thought. She was absolutely dumbstruck, and prayed it hadn't showed on her face, so as not to blow the soldier's apparent chosen cover.
"Dr. T'Soni, welcome back to the university," the guard nodded curtly, then gestured to Shepard. "Is this human your bondmate?"
"Y-yes," Liara blushed. "We have yet to pursue the legal avenue of formalizing our rites, as we've only just come to Thessia a couple days ago. Things have been a little too hectic. My bondmate is interested in pursuing education here so I thought we could tour the university while I speak with the Chancellor before we go... G-go start the legal process of our rites and her becoming a Thessian citizen."
"Very well, I will accept that." The guard unblocked the scanner as she stepped out of the way, then cordially gestured to it as she looked at Shepard. "You may proceed, and thank you for cooperating with us here. Welcome to the University of Serrice. I hope you enjoy yourself, Mrs. T'Soni."
More incoherent screaming.
"Thank you," Shepard smiled amiably as she passed through the scanner without a trigger.
She was smiling too amiably though. She was so full of life and expressions now. Anyone who had actually known how she was like would be able to flag this as the absolute worst acting on her part that she had ever done.
They strolled away, where Liara was far too frazzled as to where to go now. She wandered aimlessly and was silent, at least with her mouth. Her brain wouldn't stop screaming about so many things, and she stole so many looks at the soldier beside her, who seemed to be minding her own business as she likely scrutinized their surroundings.
"Do you have a geology unit here?" Shepard asked out of nowhere. "I'd like to visit there, after we go to the tech unit to fix my broken omni-tool."
At that, Liara stepped a little closer to be heard among the tidal waves of all the bodies they had to swim through in these hallways.
"How did you do it?"
"Hm? Do what?" Shepard glanced subtly. "I don't know what you're talking about whatsoever. Perhaps we can find a quiet spot to discuss it, later?"
Hint taken.
They waved through the crowds, and Liara had to actively remind herself to breathe, to keep her heart firmly inside her chest when a hand slipped around her wrist. The soldier tailed closely behind her, her hyper-vigilance getting the best of her as she tensed in the most densely populated sections of the university. Then there was nothing. They strolled down the hallway and came up to a humble door labelled as tech support. Shepard went in by herself, and it was only a few minutes later she had stepped out, a thin smirk quirking the corner of her lips.
"It suddenly started working again before they had the chance to look at it. I suppose I don't have a virus and don't have to worry about changing all my passwords now. Lucky, huh?"
"Very," Liara remarked wryly as she crossed her arms, struggling not to smile herself. "Remind me to be very wary of you if things mysteriously stop working in my apartment."
"You weren't wary that cameras mysteriously came up? I could've been behind them."
"If you were the one responsible for the one in the bathroom, you wouldn't have warned me about it."
"I could've grown a conscience."
"I see you're a woman who thrives off the pleasure of debate, Mrs. T'Soni."
"I learned from the best," Shepard smirked more readily. "So. Geology unit? I want to see if they have something there."
Unsure of how they were supposed to talk of their mission here, Liara followed the Commander's lead in their communication, though wished she could do with more clarification somehow as she wandered over to the labs that used to be her home here, rather than her student living quarters. The hallways became more robust again, and her stomach fluttered with glitterwings when that familiar hand wrapped around her wrist. If only she could feel skin rather than a glove. They entered the labs, where hundreds of glass cases preserved samples of different minerals from different planets. There were groups of students debating with each other as they practised their tests and hypothesized their analysis.
It was the beating heart of her, the energy that thrummed in her veins, the memories that took her back and made her feel like a student again. She felt alive. Without thinking, she gripped the soldier's elbow and held on for support as she absorbed the nostalgic experience.
"This brings me back," she breathed with a serene smile. "I missed these days in the labs. I cherish my solitude, but now I find myself missing all these group exercises. It was enjoyable to see how everyone tackled the problem in their own way, to hear their contributions and perspectives as we tried to solve the mystery before us."
"You needed to learn geology even though you specialize in archaeology?"
"The fields go hand in hand, really. It helps to be able to identify the things surrounding what I'm excavating. A lot of my tools in archaeology are things I've learned in other fields, in fact. I can made an educated guess of the age of an artifact based on how old the tree beside it is, by cutting into it to study its rings."
"Interesting... So you need to know a little bit about everything."
Unfortunately, Shepard seemed to grow uncomfortable as she politely scooped away the hand on her elbow, and created some distance between them. She smiled, terse and awkward as she did.
"Sorry, Dr. T'Soni. I'll be right back, okay? Just gonna go check if you have that... Something I'm looking for."
"I could help you find it," Liara offered.
"I have to do it myself. I won't be long. Enjoy yourself here in the mean time, maybe? Talk to the students, teach them something, I don't know."
Shepard backpedalled quickly, before she turned and hightailed it down one of the rows. Whatever she was looking for in here, it was a mineral for some reason. She would hunch over to read the plaques as to what the samples were. She disappeared further down, towards the minerals that had been retrieved and preserved from Earth. Liara didn't know what to make of this at all. It didn't seem like it was related to their mission here, but one thing was certain, and she kicked at herself for it.
"I made her hide again, when I grabbed her. But she grabbed me first. She's still reaching out to me, but is afraid of a connection. The lone wolf paradox strikes again."
Liara despondently wandered down another row, listening to the conversations as she passed by the student groups. She couldn't find the courage to just interject herself into them and shied away, even when she heard wrong declarations of what kind of mineral it was. Part of the learning process was learning from mistakes. The professor would help them achieve that, but these labs are far too big for a single professor to navigate alone.
{You'd make a pretty damn good teacher because of the way you're able to explain things, and in a way that I can actually understand.}
The memory made heat swell in her chest and warm her cheeks. She found some courage in it as she turned around and approached the group, challenging them gently with questions to make them re-think what tests to apply and what the results truly mean. The group she had assimilated with were earnest, laughing at their mistakes, but genuine in their focus as they tackled the problem again, working together. This part was different. In her years, they encouraged critical thinking and independent solutions, for archaeologists-to-be were likely to work alone rather in teams. Perhaps this was the evolution of her field, collaborating with many minds instead of one.
"I do not think I will find anyone to collaborate with me on my theories on the Protheans," Liara lamented to herself.
It wasn't long before a hand slid across her shoulder blades. She glanced over, where the soldier jerked her head to the side to signal she was ready to leave. She cradled a couple miniature glass boxes in a palm, for some reason.
When they left the geology unit and went back out into the congested hallway, Shepard took the lead until she had exited the campus and went outside. She found a little corner with a worn down table and sat down, spinning a glass box before she did the next to inspect what was inside. She smiled up at Liara when the archaeologist - with great confusion as usual - took a seat across.
"What are those?"
Shepard slid one over. "That's for you to figure out, and you're not allowed to scan it with your omni-tool. Work your magic, Dr. T'Soni."
"I-I can't say for certain what it is unless I am able to run a test on it, or at least feel it."
For some reason, Shepard fidgeted quite a bit with the other glass box. She seemed reluctant in passing it over, but her tone was stern and unreadable, though the tic of her clearing her throat said more than anything else.
"You don't have to figure it out right this second."
Something in the way she said that almost seemed like a hidden plea for it not to be figured out right now.
"You're not being graded for marks or anything," Shepard continued. "These are for you to keep, permanently. We still have to focus on our 'tour' here."
The soldier turned her head, seemed to scan the vast campus grounds with a wonder rather than a sense for threats.
"It's interesting to be able to see this, to see where you used to be, to see how you worked with those students."
"You were watching me?" Liara blinked with surprise. "When? Perhaps I was so absorbed by the discussions, I didn't notice her around. Goddess, I hope I didn't make her wait too long."
There was a brief moment of silence, of contemplation. The harsh grit in Shepard's voice melted away into something unexpectedly tender.
"I always am, Dr. T'Soni. You are strange, after all - a mystery for me like how those minerals are to you, right now." Her lips quirked in a soft smile as she looked over. "And I don't have the advantage of tests or being able to feel things to figure them out."
"You could feel-"
Liara viciously silenced that thought.
"In the mean time," Shepard offered, "I could stuff those in my pockets so you don't have to carry them, if you don't want to."
"It's not trouble for me, and I'd like to start studying them. It'll help me keep my mind off of... Everything here, really." Liara shifted uncomfortably in her seat, taking a look around to ensure they were out of earshot of others. "I admit, I'm quite nervous meeting the Chancellor. She doesn't usually sponsor many expeditions and is very critical with the ones she picks. Now that I think of it, it's odd that she's endorsed me in my last expedition. Everyone has always criticized me for my theories on the Protheans."
"You suspect she may be involved?"
"I... I don't know. She is very forward-thinking and open-minded, so that could be why my expeditions have been noticed. But..."
"The only way you will get rid of that doubt and fear in you right now is to face it head on, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard rose from the table and held her hand out. "Let's go find out."
Liara carefully cradled the mineral samples in her own palm as she took the offer, though somehow seemingly made a mistake in reaching for the soldier's hand. Shepard reacted quickly as her fingers slid forward so that they wrapped around Liara's wrist instead - the 'safe zone' it seemed. The lone wolf paradox.
But with these minerals in hand, she had a feeling the wolf was trying to solve the paradox.