I took some liberties here because I think Sirius for sure should have escaped a lot sooner than what he did in the books. And also, in my AU, I wanted it to be Sirius who helped to raise Harry, like he should have done. The ministry are still idiots and corrupt, willing to sweep everything under the rug in order to get away from the darkest of times. I know this might be a pretty boring chapter, but it is necessary to set the stage for future chapters. I also hate character bashing, so there will be limited amounts of it other than canon behavior of the characters. This is a little bit longer than I had intended it to be, but didn't know how to break up the chapter. Read and enjoy!
Thank you again for the comments:
Stacygrrl2002: I know. Dumbledore is always up to something, but I like the idea that he always had a plan. There is a great video from the SuperCarlinBros on the theory behind it.
VanceMcGill: I always wished Lily had survived. I understand why she didn't, but that is the point of fanfiction! We get to make our own stories!
Lisa: Dumbledore makes a lot of mistakes, but I think that they are necessary to the story telling. They helped Harry to grow into the man that was willing to die in order to defeat Voldemort.
LeoniusDong: I hope their attitudes are good in this story! Sirius will always be rash and irrational, but he will always have Harry and Lily's best interests at heart and will do anything to protect them. And Lily will be fierce and amazing, in my mind she is anyway. I hope you enjoy her once she moves away from the trauma a little bit.
Thank you all for reading and following!
Lily stared blankly as Dumbledore walked out of the house. She glanced around at the empty rooms and then back at Harry who was staring right back. She sat down next to him on the floor, defeated, tears stinging her eyes. How could this happen, she thought. How could everything be going wrong? She stood and picked Harry up and looked at the envelope that Dumbledore had given her. There was a lump in it and she opened it to find cash and a set of keys: a car key and a house key. She set the envelope back down and stared around again. Hary needed to eat, but she really did not feel like going anywhere or doing anything
As she was turning to go back into the kitchen, there was a soft knock at the door. She cautiously walked towards it and waited, peering around the corner from the living room to see who was there. She felt her breath hitch as she walked to the door and opened it to Remus Lupin, looking far more tired than she had ever seen him. He was braced against the doorway slightly and his face gray. He looked pale, but he gave a small smile that did not reach his ocher eyes and opened his arms a little and she embraced him, her breath catching in small gasps as she sagged into him. Remus held her tight, tears filling his own eyes. They stood like that for a moment before he led her back into the house, looking around the neighborhood, it was starting to get darker as the afternoon sun made its descent. There were kids running to their homes and to dinner with their families. He closed the door behind them with a snap.
Harry was reaching for Remus, who took him instantly and held the boy close. Not even taking off the jacket he was wearing and sitting on the couch with him, Lily still tucked against his side. He looked up as Lily finally spoke, clearing her throat.
"Are you ok, Rem? You look tired." she said thickly.
"So do you. I'm alright. Have you eaten?" When she shook her head, he went on. "I'll get something going. I got this here, go and shower, try to– try and – well, take a breath. It doesn't look like you have done that yet." He looked over at her, hoping she wouldn't be insulted, because she looked frazzled and slightly dazed and really quite rumpled. She looked down at herself and gave a tearful smile as she saw him reach into a pocket and pull out a small teddy bear for Harry. She nodded her head and walked back upstairs. She hesitated a little, unsure what to do, and then she walked into the bathroom and shut the door, turned on the shower and then sank onto the floor, trying to take a deep breath, to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall again. Unsuccessful, she stayed there on the floor for awhile, listening to the water spraying.
She slowly got to her feet and started to undress, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, barely recognizing her own reflection. Her fingers went to the starburst on her chest and then she looked herself in the eye, red from the tears and with dark circles under them, her hair hanging limp. She finished undressing and then stepped into the hot spray, leaning her hands against the wall, letting her mind go blank as the water ran down her face and into her hair and down her body, mechanically washing her hair and lathering soap. She sank into a seated position and stayed until there was a soft knock at the door and heard Remus open it slowly, his voice so soft she could barely hear it.
"I brought you a change of clothes– figured you wouldn't want to…. " he cleared his throat. "Do you–do you need anything?" When he didn't get an answer, he continued a little louder. "I heated up some canned soup– Harry seemed to like it fine…. It's waiting for you when you are done, er, let me know." She heard the door close quietly and she stood up, turning off the water that had run cool and grabbing the towel and drying off roughly, twisting her damp hair into a braid. She dressed quickly and stepped out of the bathroom and slowly made her way down the stairs. Remus was sitting at the kitchen table with Harry on his lap. He glanced up when she walked in and made to stand up but she held up her hand and grabbed a bowl and poured soup into it then sat down next to him. She stirred the soup around, eyes averted.
"Lily–" she felt his hand on her arm and looked up. He paused and she saw his eyes start to tear up. He sniffed a little and looked up at the ceiling, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry– sorry that I wasn't here….sorry that…I couldn't…. That I wasn't able to help. I didn't know—"
"We didn't either," Lily whispered. "You weren't here, and I don't think that there would have been anything you could have done. He was so angry, he wasn't himself, Rem, and, well, he just left. He went after him, after Peter. Is he…. Do you think he is capable of doing it? Of killing all those people? It can't be true–it just can't be."
Remus took a deep breath. "If he was angry enough, I think he could have, and he would have been angry enough- to kill Peter. But not all those people. There is something that people missed. Maybe– maybe he did kill Peter, after Peter killed all those people. That makes the most sense. He would have been justified in killing Peter, but I don't think that the ministry agrees. They didn't even give him a trial." He took her hand then and squeezed gently, seeing the panic in her face. "Dumbledore will figure it out. I'll be here as much as I can to help out, too, Lil. I– James and Sirius, they were my best friends, my family, you and Harry are family. I'm here as long as you need me." She gave him a watery smile and he smiled back. "Er, go ahead and eat. I got Harry. We should probably get you some more food, honestly. Something Harry can actually eat and not canned."
"There is a grocery nearby, we passed it on the way to this house." She took a bite of the soup and grimaced. "Maybe tomorrow." She glanced outside and saw the dusky sky. "Harry needs to go to bed too. He didn't sleep much last night–last night….. " She trailed off and looked back out the window. Remus took the bowl from her and set all the dishes in the sink and then took her hand.
"Why don't you try and get some sleep. I'll be down here if you need anything. Come on." He tugged her up the stairs and placed Harry in the crib while she settled under the bedsheets. He handed Harry the teddy bear and then stepped out, starting to shut the door when Lily whispered, "Keep it open, please." He walked back downstairs and sat on the couch, staring at the empty grate in the fireplace before he aimed his wand and started a smokeless fire, leaning back, rubbing his face. He was so tired, his eyes started to droop. He woke with a start when there was a scream from upstairs. He scrambled to his feet and up the stairs, Harry started crying as well. He ran into the room, Lily was struggling with the sheets around her, thrashing in her sleep. Remus sat on the bed and shook her gently until she opened her eyes. Fear and confusion on her face mingled with the tears. She clung to the front of his shirt and he scooted closer as he laid her back down. She curled into a ball, fingers gripping his shirt as she cried. He felt tears sting his own eyes as she settled down, hiccuping silently. Harry was standing in his crib, but once it was quiet again, he also laid down.
"I don't think that I can do this Rem, I really don't. James–he was everything. We were going to try and have another baby. We wanted a huge family, we were meant to have our whole lives ahead of us, together." She paused, a tear leaking out of her eye and into her hair. "He-he's gone and I don't know how to go on. Harry, he doesn't deserve a mother like me—"
"Do not say that. You are the best mother. You are not expected to just be ok. No one expects you to be ok. This isn't something that you simply walk away from." He looked her in the eyes, his ocher-colored ones filled with tears and fire into her green. "Time will pass, it'll get easier. It has to. It cannot always feel this way, not forever. One day at a time…"
"One day at a time…. Doesn't feel doable, none of it does. Dumbledore says that Voldemort isn't really gone and I'm terrified. I'm so terrified." She swiped at the tears on her face. "I hate feeling this way. Helpless and useless and scared."
"You are not alone in this, you know. You don't have to do everything. If not one day at a time, one moment to the next. It is all we have. I– wish Sirius was here, too." He sighed. "He was always rash, but we have to have hope that it will be okay, that Dumbledore can figure something out. Have you talked to the ministry? Said that Peter was the secret keeper?"
"They don't care. It is a detail they don't care about anymore. Like you said, the evidence is overwhelming…. They are not willing to see anything past what is perceived." She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. They stayed quiet after that. Listening to the sounds of the night outside, an owl hooting in the distance, crickets having gone away for the season. Remus felt his eyes droop closed again and Lily fell asleep to the sounds of his snores, comforted by the fact that she did not feel as quite alone as she thought.
Lily awoke in the morning feeling at least better rested. Her eyes refusing to open right away, listening to Remus snore very loudly. She turned her head to look in his direction. His brown, curly hair was tousled and he was sleeping with one hand behind his back, the other under his stomach. It could not have been comfortable, but he was sound asleep. She crawled out of bed and went over to Harry, who was laying awake quietly in his crib. She picked him up and left the room, closing the door as quietly as she could and took her son downstairs. She looked in the fridge and saw a few eggs.
"Wanna see if these are any good, baby?" She cooed at her son, who was playing with her hair while sitting on her hip. She took the eggs and cracked them one handed into a bowl. They looked and smelled alright, so she put some oil in a pan and scrambled some eggs for her son, cutting up more grapes for him. And setting him on her lap while he ate. She couldn't muster an appetite for herself, so she sat and watched, looking out the patio door into the backyard. The sky was gray today, heavy with clouds that promised rain. A wind blew through the trees and birds were chirping happily.
Once Harry was done, she cleaned up his face and hands and stepped outside. It was cool and the breeze chilled her to the bone, making her shiver. She went back in and settled on the couch, with Harry on her stomach. What she found so odd about the house was that there was a television in the corner. This must have been a muggle's house, obviously, but it was strange all the same. She got up and placed the boy on the floor and went to the television. She flicked the switch for on and changed channels until she got a clear picture. It was the national news covering a strike the muggles were staging at some automobile factory. She settled back into the couch, on her stomach and watched her son play with his teddy, barely registering the news as it was presented.
She heard movement upstairs, but she didn't move herself. There was a fire going in the grate that Remus must have started last night. She wished for her wand, more than anything, and her husband to walk into the room laughing about something that had occurred to him and brushing the hair from his eyes in that irritating way that had grown on her. Remus was making his way down the stairs and stopped, looking at her, then at the television then to Harry, who was now engrossed, watching the man speak on the afternoon news report. Reports of owls seen across the country acting in bizarre ways and showers expected later in the day, which she had already guessed based on the cloudy skies. Remus lifted her legs and sat, placing them in his lap and watching the news with her.
"Owls and fireworks? Guessing the ministry is having a field day with this as well—" he stopped when the weather report turned into a somber reporter discussing the previous day. A memorial would be held for those that lost their lives in the downtown London explosion that weekend. Thirteen lives had been lost. They read the names off, one by one. Stating that the freak accident was due to a faulty gas line. They remained silent again and unmoving as the reality hit them of what that really was. She heard Remus sigh and he moved her legs again to get off and turn off the television. Maybe it had been a very bad idea to watch the news.
"Lily…" he paused again until she looked up at him. "I'm going to go to the house. To collect some of your things. I'm not sure–would you– I don't know if you want to go, or not. It is up to you. But Harry needs a change of clothes and some of his things. I can do it, myself, so you don't have to go…. Or it can wait…" He saw the look in her eyes and was about the let the subject drop when she replied.
"I can't go. I can't go there Rem. I– I just can't. We can buy new things…."
"You may want some things– I'll go– a little later. But I do think it needs to be done." He looked down at her and ran a hand through his hair, she saw it tremble a little bit as he shoved it back into the pocket of his trousers and looked away. "I can go to that grocery as well, there is very little food and I know you aren't eating, anyway."
She sat up at the suggestion, wanting to do something.
"I'll go, too." She stood up then and walked to the envelope on the dining table and shook out the keys. "We can take the car. Buy enough groceries to last a little while." She paused and looked at him then down at her hands. "Are you staying with us Remus, or are you going to leave?"
"I'm not going anywhere, if you want me to stay, I will, for as long as I can." He saw her hands start to shake and tears well up so he took the keys from her. "I won't go anywhere," he reiterated. "Let's go now, the clouds look like they are about to start pouring down."
"Ok, I'll be right back down." She went back upstairs while Remus went through the door to the garage. He looked at the automobile, remembering his mum showing him how to drive, once. He saw the Ford crest on the front of the car. It was older, but it had some truck space for the groceries. He shrugged as he got in the driver seat and looked for the place to put the key. He had just managed to find the ignition and turn it on when Lily came out with Harry, wrapped in his jacket. She stared at him and then ran to the car and opened his door.
"What are you doing?! Turn it off! Your going to fill the garage with fumes!" he did as instructed.
"Shit, I forgot about that." He waved his wand at the garage door and it lifted open. Shaking her head, Lily placed Harry in the back and asked for his wand, she fastened her son into the back seat and then climbed into the front, handing his wand back.
"Do you know how to drive this thing?" She looked at him skeptically as he nodded and put the car in drive only to screech to a halt and put it in reverse, a nervous chuckle coming from his mouth.
"I got this." He pulled out of the garage, not very smoothly, but effective all the same, and out into the street. He put it back in drive and rolled forward slowly, jerking the car to a stop every few feet until he got the hang of it. Lily watched his progress and winced as he ran over the curb.
"Sorry," muttered Remus as he straightened out the Ford. Lily looked back at her son who was smiling and giggling, which made her smile in turn.
"Just don't hit the sides, and use your mirrors," she advised. Turn left up here." Eventually, they did get to the grocery, parked very crooked, and got out of the car staring at the parking Remus had achieved.
"...I'm driving back." Lily held out her hand for the keys and Remus relinquished them.
"Good idea…mum's driving lessons were sufficient at best, worthless at worst." They walked into the small grocery and Lily grabbed a buggy and placed Harry in the basket. He stood up and looked around. He hadn't been out anywhere since he was born and he looked around, green eyes round in awe. She smiled again. Maybe, just maybe, she could do this.
They got back to the house and unloaded the groceries, putting them away neatly. Lily, who had thankfully thought to purchase child non spill cups for her son and filled one with water and another with apple juice. She handed them both to her son and he drank one then the other, settling on juice. She then grabbed bread and some nut butter and fruit preserves and spread it on and then cut it into hand size pieces and laid a plate next to him so he could eat. She really needed to get him a booster so he could eat at the table without being held. She brushed the loose hairs from her face and turned to Remus. He spoke before she could form a sentence.
"I should go now…. Is there anything specific you need? F-from the house I mean." When she shook her head, he nodded and turned on the spot and was gone.
Remus appareated in front of the house in Godric's Hollow, a shiver running down his spine as he saw the destruction. He shrugged it off and steeled himself as he entered the house. The house looked almost normal from the inside, nothing seemed disturbed. It did not reflect the tragedy that had happened here, but he could feel it. He set about as quickly as he could. He grabbed a suitcase and charmed it to expand and started stuffing things inside it. The hair on the back of his neck on end, psyching himself into thinking someone was just behind him. He gathered Lily's things and then Harry's. Moved to the living room and grabbed the blanket off the sofa and he added some other things: pictures of the family on the mantle, James's pillow, his traveling cloak that Lily had stitched little broomsticks on for him on the inner lining, one of his jumpers that he had seen Lily wear numerous times, and then his broomstick. These are things that she would want. Not now maybe, but in the future. He took one last look around the house, sighed and then reached for the two wands that were sitting on the couch cushions, as if they had just been laid there, absentmindedly, not needed by a family that thought they were safe and did not need protection. He snapped the suitcase shut and walked back out the door and turned on the spot and disappeared with a whisper.
The next few weeks went very much the same. Remus came and went, as he had a job at that point, but they shared dinner most nights. Lily was slowly getting into a rhythm, her nightmares were still there, but she could calm herself. Remus stayed at first, in one of the other bedrooms, but eventually, even he slept at his own home, once he was confident Lily would be ok. The only thing that was different was a cat that showed up at the door. A tiny thing that was gray and white, fluffy. She claimed the home as her own and Lily kept her. The days grew shorter and colder, and she thought of Sirius often. Dumbledore had not returned since that first night in the house, and she really didn't expect him to. November came and went without a word and turned into December, bringing with it the first snowfall. Her and Harry spent time outside as the snow gently fell and she met the neighbors, both elderly couples who welcomed her to the neighborhood, although she kept to herself for the most part. There was a younger couple with a little girl that lived two doors down only a little older than her son, dentists.
It was late one night, in early December, Remus had stayed a little longer that evening, finally recovering from the last full moon when there was a crack outside. As no one was expected, both adults got up, wands out and turned on the back light. A man was laying in the snow, unconscious. Lily gave a small gasp and ran forward. It was Sirius. Remus ran up behind her and together they lifted him into the living room. He was shivering uncontrollably and his robes here tattered. Lily looked up and met Remus's eyes only inches from her own.
"He can't stay here Lily…. They will be looking for him. He can't have just been released. Surely you would have been informed." He looked down at his friend.
"But where should he go, Rem? We aren't letting him go back!" Remus looked into her eyes and saw the fire that had been missing there for over a month.
"The shack–on Hogwarts grounds. It's isolated, it should be safe until he is conscious. I can take him– stay here. Continue as normal. If they show up, you know what to say. The ministry is bound to check here first, thinking he is after you and Harry. I'll be back as soon as I can." He grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and then grabbed Sirius's arm and turned and with a pop, they were gone. Lily stared at the spot where the two men had been for a moment and then she turned to her son and brought him upstairs to bed. She paced the room for hours before settling on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She drifted off just before dawn and awoke to pounding on the door a few hours later. Someone answered it. She got out of bed and grabbed a robe and made her way downstairs, noticing that Harry was not in his crib. She saw a man she new to be junior minister, Cornelius Fudge, standing in the living room, a crying Harry in Remus's arms.
"How can I help you, Mr. Fudge? It is really very early, Harry has been out of sorts the past few days and no one has been getting much sleep–" Remus looked up to see Lily halfway down the stairs. So sorry Lily, I tried to let you get more rest." He gave her a subtle look that told her not to say much as he handed Harry to her as she entered the living room.
"What has happened? Why are you here?" She looked more tired than he felt, which probably made the story that much better. She hitched the crying child higher on her hip and glared at Fudge.
"I beg your pardon, miss, but Sirius Black escaped Azkaban prison in the late hours of last night. We have reason to believe that he might be headed here." Fudge looked at her apologetically.
"Why would the ministry think he would come here?" She stepped closer to Remus.
"What would be the purpose? Lily and Harry are under protection from Albus Dumbledore himself."
"That is precisely why we think he would come here. You see, the headmaster is of the mind that Black is innocent, of all crimes. I find that a man does not escape if he is innocent, he does so because he is guilty. He is extremely dangerous. I suggest you accept ministry protection until he is found."
"That won't be necessary. Lily and Harry are separated from the wizarding world, they want to lead a normal life, not one hiding. They will be safe here." Remus stood a little taller and Fudge acquiesced, bowing his head a little.
"Very well, if you insist. Good day." With that, he turned and left, closing the door behind him. Remus held up his hand as Lily went to speak. Waited a moment, then turned to her.
"I have to go and warn Dumbledore and move Sirius. I will be back, hopefully with Sirius. Stay in the house." He turned and was gone again. Lily was really starting to hate this, not being able to do anything. Again she waited.
Remus appeared before the gates of Hogwarts and made his way up to the castle and through the front doors. Breakfast was just ending as he entered the great hall and made his way to the headmaster's office. He had just turned the corner when he heard a sneer behind him.
"Well, well, well. Look who it is. What, may I ask, are you doing here, Lupin?" Remus turned around and faced Severus Snape.
"In fact you may not ask, but since you did so politely, I have an appointment with the headmaster." He replied. Snape narrowed his dark eyes.
"And why would he want an appointment with you? Surely he has better things to do than to give time to someone of your… questionable alliances and proclivities." Remus saw him clutch his wand within his robes and made to step around him, but Snape blocked his path again.
"I would think that the headmaster would have chosen his teachers with more thought. Surely he did not think it was wise to hire a dea–"
"Ah, Remus. Just the man I wanted to see." Dumbledore interrupted him smoothly. "Severus, I believe class starts shortly, does it not?" He smiled, his eyes twinkling. Snape glared at Remus then at the headmaster. Not trusting the situation. Black's escape could not be a coincidence with the presence of Lupin within the castle mere hours after his escape. He looked directly at Dumbledore.
"This man should not be trusted, headmaster. He is surely in league with Black!" When Dumbledore made no comment, he whirled around and stormed off in the opposite direction with a last glare at Remus. Dumbledore motioned for Remus to walk beside him.
"May I presume that this is not a social visit?" When Remus shook his head, he continued. "And that you know the whereabouts of a certain escaped prisoner?" His voice dropped a little lower. His electric blue eyes pierced into his ocher ones as they arrived at the Griffin statue and made their way up to his office.
"No it is not and yes, I do. He is innocent Albus, but I did not help him to escape. He did that all on his own. I came to warn you that the ministry–" Dumbledore interrupted him.
"Ah yes, I would expect them to have paid you a visit immediately after his escape. I'm aware that the ministry is fighting to find him quickly to quell the fears of the wizarding community and that they suspect me. However, I appreciate you telling me. Where is Sirius? Is he safe?" He walked around his desk and sat down, looking at Remus, who only nodded. "Very well, keep it that way. The dark times are coming to an end, but the ministry will not be letting this slight go. Be warned yourself. There will come a time where we will have to once again face darkness and defeat it for good. Now, you must leave, for I fear the ministry will be making a visit to me soon. I trust you have a way of leaving the castle… unnoticed?"
"Yes, sir. Right away." He got up to leave and turned back, there was a look in Dumbledore's eyes that made Remus certain that he knew more than he was saying, but he left anyway. Shaking the thoughts from his head as he made his way to a certain one eyed witch statue.
Sirius was pacing a track along the floor of the upstairs bedroom within the shrieking shack when he heard footsteps outside, he twitched the curtain aside and saw Remus making his way to the shack. He stepped out of the room and went down the stairs to greet him at the door.
"Well?" he asked once the door was shut behind him. "What is going on? Where do they think I am? When can I go home?" He meant to Lily and his godson.
"Soon, Sirius, I promise. We have to make sure that the ministry isn't staking out the house. I think they are more concerned with Dumbledore than Lily and I. But how, how did you get out? How did you get past the dementors?" Sirius took a deep breath and sat on the steps, head in his hands.
"I don't rightly know how it worked, but I slipped past them and walked out, in animagus form. They didn't even realize. They didn't stop me or sense me even, it seems. I just wanted out and they seemed to let me…. I can't go back. I will not go back, Remus." He looked up, his eyes filled with tears. "I won't."
"We won't let you, whatever it takes. Give me some more time. I will be back. Just, stay hidden. Don't go looking for Peter again. I think it is safe to say that he is deep in hiding now anyway. As a rat, he could be one of billions." he clasped his arm and then left again. Left him to resume his pacing, as he had done for a month in Azkaban prison.
Thank you! I love comments, so please let me have them. Let me know what you think. I love when other writers give input as well! Hope you all have a great New Year!