Chapter 24: The Wolf Pack
Memories, there were - against many a person's will.
The Normandy was a ghost ship again. Those who wandered about wore dazed looks, their eyes a thousand yards away, trapped in haunted plains. Liara wanted to defend that it wasn't all that bad, but...
"It was incredibly bad. The losses are catastrophic. Lucy has single-handedly traumatized her entire crew."
Worse yet? Lucy wasn't aware. She was confident, had even challenged Helen to a dance off when the marines balked and flat out asked in what universe the Commander called what she was doing 'dancing' after the stoic soldier brazenly attempted what she should never ever attempt ever again: to 'feel the rhythm'. After Lucy left, it was the first ever that they had all witnessed Helen verbalize she actually regretted her choices. She even gave the asari pitying eyes and reassuringly patted her shoulder, before mumbling something about searching the ship's mess for alcohol - if the rest of the crew hadn't already demolished their stock.
Liara steeled herself as she prepared to enter the Commander's quarters, unsure of what state she was about to find Lucy in. Would she be utterly decimated, proving that her confidence was just a false front to hide her anxieties in front of her crew? Or would she actually be trapped in a grand delusion, calling any part of that harrowing mission a success?
"Only one way to find out."
With a firm tap of the button to open the door, the archaeologist forced herself to plant her feet in the room before she'd make any kinds of observations. Instead, she was pleasantly surprised to see Lucy sleeping away on her bed, and double checked the soldier's agenda. Liara chastised herself for not remembering. Of course, both sleep and time was precious with a couple hours before they'd arrive at their next destination: Noveria. She helped herself to the chair at the terminal, but she remained wary as she watched from a safe distance. She idly touched her throat and sighed.
"I know there was that one time where it was fine, and I feel like it still could be if I just talked to her to help her relax in her sleep, but..."
That fear lingered, and her neck still ached from the bruise.
Time slowly lost meaning as she watched Lucy's features, thanking the Goddess that the soldier seemed to be at peace this time. Liara wished to touch, to stroke her fingers through Lucy's hair, smiling away when she noticed the bulging collar of a deep blue robe poke out at the edge of the bed sheets. She decided to change into hers and stripped down, folding her suit over the back of the chair before she approached the closet.
A small moan piqued her interest. Her head immediately turned to the source, walking back over to get a good look at Lucy's face. The soldier's expression was contorted as if in distress. Liara quickly donned her robe and pulled the chair over to the bed, but resisted the urge to touch.
"It's alright, Lucy, you're in a safe place," she encouraged. "You're at the beach, the stars are above your head, your toes are sinking in the sand." She didn't know what else to say and kept repeating it until she noticed that it seemed to get through. The distress eased away and Lucy's face slackened back to a peaceful state.
It was agonizing to refuse the need to reach out and touch her.
"She was right... We'll have to be very careful when we... Well. When we're more intimate with each other. Is there really nothing we can do to help her? Perhaps I could meld with her before bed, to set a calm precedent for her. I'll have to remember to ask her if she'd be willing to try again, reassure her that I won't be there for the purpose of exploring memories."
Perhaps she would even work up the willingness of visiting the beach under the pretenses Lucy loved so much.
Liara smiled at the memories, even if they were indicative of her being slightly masochistic, then. She bravely rested her elbows on the edge of the bed, watching cautiously for any signs of movement that might be threatening. She listened to the soldier's even breathing, looking down to watch the rise and fall of Lucy's chest. The archaeologist couldn't get over the fact that the blue robe was being worn - over how endearing Lucy could be in all these little ways, without meaning to.
Her hand itched to stroke the sand-blonde hair, to coax more relaxation into those features. Her heart ached when fear compelled to stay herself, and she stacked her fists to rest her chin on them, sighing in defeat.
Muffled sounds piped up beneath the sheets, an alarm that worked instantaneously as green eyes sparked to life. Lucy's gaze snapped over right away, the beginnings of a frown softly marring her expression. Liara gently shushed her with a finger, before replacing it with a kiss, knowing what the issue was going to be. She didn't exactly have a strong case to argue against the soldier, she knew. Her attempt to quell the problem before it had the chance to rise was nullified when Lucy pressed her head back in the pillow to create those excruciating couple inches between them.
"Liara..."
"I didn't touch and-"
"Please."
"But you didn't-"
A calloused hand tenderly slid along Liara's jaw, pulling her back in for a kiss. Lucy cupped her chin as she murmured ever so frailly. "Please."
Liara relented with a sigh and nodded. "I won't do it again."
"Thank you." Lucy silenced her omni-tool's alarm and pushed herself up into sitting, tugging on the collar of her robe to open it up a little more. "I don't know why I tried that again. Still way too hot to sleep in this." Her eyes panned down at Liara's attire, and she smiled softly. "You're wearing yours too."
"Of course," the archaeologist channelled that rock-steady confidence, smirking when Lucy did. "It is necessary."
"Oh? Is it?"
"Mm hm. A tactical advantage, even." Liara planted her hand on the bed as she leaned forward to steal another kiss.
"What kind of tactical advantage?"
The challenge caught her off guard, and for a moment, she wondered if the soldier was missing the whole point of it being a tease more than a serious advantage. She saw the way those eyes subtly danced, though, and she rolled her own as she pressed her lips more firmly against Lucy's. She smiled when gravelly chuckles pattered against her mouth, warming the thin sliver of space between them. She didn't think twice when a firm hand pulled her by her wrist and up onto the bed, though her cheeks heated up quite quickly when she straddled Lucy.
"Your injury-" Liara started, but was cut off and sighed with a purposeful pinch to her thigh.
"You've seen my agenda, right?" Lucy husked. "Half an hour of unscheduled activities before I begin preparations and suit up for when we dock."
Liara didn't trust her voice to be there, nodding as she framed the soldier's cheeks. She tried to focus on the kiss, but her mind was already venturing off with all sorts of ideas from Lucy's suggestion. Then again, the archaeologist had also learned that sometimes the most obvious thing wasn't actually what was obvious to Lucy.
Until hands pulled her closer by her rump.
"Did you open my letter?" Lucy asked in between kisses trailing down to the throat, breaking free to glare at the bruise first. Then she carefully pressed her lips to it.
"Yes," Liara rasped so quietly, she barely heard herself. She knew what was going to be asked and shook her head. "I-I didn't sign the form or waiver yet though."
"You don't have to if you disagree and feel as though we aren't ready," the soldier reassured. "I apologize if I was overeager and too forward in that regard."
Stiff and formal, even with this. Liara couldn't help but be slightly disheartened by it. She had wanted some semblance of romance and spontaneity, for emotions to grow wild and for the spark to ignite an explosive meeting between the two - like what happened in the locker room.
"I can't bring myself to tell her all of that, though..."
All she could manage was a simple nod to answer Shepard, but she blushed at the mere thought of bringing up the conversation. Her mind was broken free and she yelped when she had been tossed over to the side, her back firmly pressed to the bed with a body slithering up hers. Their robes weren't suitable enough shields, and Liara winced when a stark chill brushed her leg. A quick glance showed that it was the synthetic leg against hers. The sensation was lost to the lips that gently suckled on her pulse.
"Is this okay as part of our unscheduled activities?" Lucy inquired with what sounded like hope. She wrapped an arm under the asari's back and pulled so that their bodies melded together, never relenting in her pursuit of mapping every inch of skin with her mouth.
Still not trusting her voice, Liara nodded. She hissed when a hand slid underneath her hamstring and drew her leg up to curl around Lucy's waist, and the provocative position was inflating ideas all over again.
Instinct compelled her to bring her other leg up, and she firmly held onto the soldier's shoulders when their hips pressed intimately.
"Goddess, it's going to be like the locker room..."
And she couldn't bring herself to stop it.
The friction was more blissful, getting to feel far more than just rough chafing uniform pants. She clenched her teeth and hissed whenever Lucy unknowingly moved in ways that sparked little echoes of pleasure. The heat between her thighs contrasted the stark cold of the synthetic leg gliding against hers, the sensations causing a disconnect that wasn't entirely unwelcome. But she couldn't go through a second time without Lucy knowing what exactly was happening between them. Liara groaned and buried her face in the crook of the human's neck, forcing the words out in a series of desperate gulps of air.
"We're doing it again, Luce."
At that, the soldier completely froze. She slowly pulled away to try to get a good look at Liara. "Shepard. And doing what again?"
"Oh, someone save me... Do I really have to say it?" Liara flushed hot, unable to keep Lucy's gaze as she looked down, and consequently getting an eyeful down the human's robe. It sent a painful throb down to the pits of her belly the longer she neglected the blissful ache. "C... Coitus. I..." She sighed, pinching the soldier's robe shut as she pulled with all her might to bring Lucy down and hide her face. "In the locker room. A-and now..."
"What?" Lucy pushed up with ease, and the archaeologist panicked as she wound her arms around the shoulders, suspended in air. "Liara, look at me please."
"I can't," she whispered pitifully. "It's embarrassing."
"But then that means I did it without your consent. That's not good, that's - I mean we - I just don't... I don't understand. I need your consent first. We can't participate in it otherwise, and for me to have continued without your consent would imply..." Lucy sighed in frustration. "Liara, I am so sorry. Did you express consent and I missed it? Did I accidentally-"
"You didn't take advantage of me or anything like that," Liara rushed out. She groaned when her hands were easily plucked off, and crashed back into the bed. She turned her head and fixated her gaze on the wall. "I would have expressed that I did not want it if I... If I didn't enjoy what we were doing."
"Are you not enjoying it now, then? Did I hurt you?"
"N-no, I just, erm... It didn't feel right to stay quiet about it again. But I have enjoyed it then, just as I do now."
Lucy leaned back and sat on her heels. The archaeologist watched in her peripheral vision, saw the confusion and conflict written so blatantly obvious this time. She sucked in the corner of her lip and mustered the courage to look at Lucy, reaching out as she spread her fingers in the air. A small smile teased the corner of her lips when they intertwined instantaneously.
"I still have much to research then," Lucy concluded. "I have been misled to believe that penetration is a requirement and saw what tools I can utilize, besides my hands."
"Oh Goddess. We're really going to have this conversation. Can this not just be a nightmare? Have I passed out on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep?"
"So then back in the locker room," the soldier continued, "When I thought you had induced a panic attack by hyperventilation... Was that when you achieved an orgasm? And did now too?"
"N-not now." Liara swallowed nervously, trying to ignore the fire burning her face away. "But then, yes."
"How? I did not perform any of the techniques that-"
"Friction," the asari murmured pitifully, looking away at the wall again. "Do we have to talk about this? This is embarrassing."
Lucy hummed, then crawled to lay on her side in the direction Liara looked at - who immediately turned her head, but was caught halfway with firm fingers on her chin. She sighed when she was guided to look at the soldier. "Shepard, please."
"It doesn't have to be embarrassing. It can be enjoyable as well, a learning journey for us both. Here." Lucy reached over and gently clasped the archaeologist's hand, bringing it to rest over her heart. The gentle thumping became a rhythm to focus on. "Would it help if I expressed the things I am nervous and embarrassed about as well?"
"You? Embarrassed?" Liara looked over in disbelief. Then smirked. "You're Commander Lucy Fair Shepard. You never get embarrassed."
"Contrary, I found that there have been things that I believe would constitute as embarrassment, based on my level of discomfort. For instance, I felt overwhelmingly incompetent and hesitant in my ability to help you climax, or even arouse you to begin with - as you've not yet expressed things that do, which has led me to believe I've not yet done things to help lead to such a discovery."
Oh, this needed to be remedied as soon as Liara found the courage to say so.
"The ethernet's instructions were... Overwhelming," Lucy sighed, "But all advice concluded that there is no 'one size fits all' technique that will certainly work, that each experience is very individual. That unnerves me. I'm afraid that I will not be able to help you reach orgasm. That the extensive time allotted in my attempt may 'ruin the mood' for you." A beat. "And I do find myself feeling very uncomfortable - I think embarrassed - over the concept of being a recipient. Some fears have been belayed when you touched my stomach, but through my research, I had a difficult time seeing myself the way the documentaries have displayed."
"Not a documentary," Liara chuckled quietly, but otherwise reflected on the wealth of information. "I admit, I have a hard time seeing her that way too."
"Chronicles - whatever the case may be. Still... I am now realizing just how individual it really is if you achieved orgasm in the locker room, yet displayed none of the things or made any of the sounds that I have watched."
Liara's lips pursed in a halfhearted smile. "Shepard, there's a very high chance that what you are watching is fabricated by people who are... Professionals. It is their job to, well... Act, sometimes, and exaggerate certain things. If that is what you mean by sounds."
"Oh. Yes, I was expecting screaming. A lot of it. And then begging for more, then not stopping for a few hours and changing the setting every few minutes. Honestly I was very skeptical of their stamina and their stealth capabilities in public."
"Goddess, I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that." Liara had to stay on the momentum before she completely backed out of this conversation. "If you don't mind me asking, if you don't see yourself that way... Would you even be comfortable with me touching you?"
"I wasn't interested in the concept of my pleasure to begin with. That is not why I've been investing so much into research. Frankly, I don't believe I'm capable of it." Lucy seemed to doubt, though, and pressed her lips to the asari's robed shoulder. "I didn't believe, I should say. But it was pleasant when you touched my stomach. I can't say for certain that I'm comfortable with the concept, not now. Not... Yet... Perhaps. Someday I may be willing to try. But if you are okay with it, I'd like to just focus on you first. The majority of my fears surround you more than me, whether I can even make you happy. I've never done that for someone before. I've learned every which way to kill, no matter the species. Now I want to learn every which way to make you feel good."
Lucy kissed Liara's shoulder again, her eyes fluttering shut as she smiled peacefully. "The thought that I could be capable of that arouses me - arguably more than everything else I've listed." She leaned over to trail kiss after kiss until she made it to the throat. "Has this conversation helped you, at least a little bit? I know we said we should be honest and communicate, but I must admit, I am very much out of my depth here and don't quite know what's right to say."
Liara twisted and hid her face in the soldier's neck. She nodded shyly, and melted when a firm arm slung around her.
"Good. Good..."
Amber lit up in the corner of the archaeologist's eye, and she glanced over to see Lucy's omni-tool engaged, checking the time.
Liara sighed and hid her face again, muffling. "Time to get ready."
"Yes. I'm late, in fact."
Half of Liara expected to be thrown off. The other half, politely nudged off. She smiled when she felt a warm mouth press to the top of her crest.
"Not a problem. I'm confident in my ability to suit up quickly so I can still stay for a few minutes. I already have my arsenal in my compartments."
"Oh how swee-"
Liara's eyes snapped open. She pushed herself up on her elbow and looked down at the soldier. "Pardon? You what?" She glanced at the synthetic arm. "You have weapons hidden in there already?"
"A few grenades, to be precise. And I finally found my taser." Lucy's head tilted, staring back with oblivious innocence. She wasn't fooling anyone. "What? It's important to be adequately prepared, and I did so in advance just in case if our unscheduled activities would have gone over the time set aside. Evidently, I was correct."
"Shepard." Liara planted a firm finger on the soldier's lips. "It is critical for me to communicate this and your utmost priority to understand this." She cleared her throat. "It does not 'do it for me' to know there is a possibility we could very well explode. Do I make myself clear?"
Lucy nodded resolutely. "Perfectly clear ma'am, understood ma'am." She smiled and began to inch her way off the bed. "I'm retreating before I dig myself a foxhole I'll never get out of."
Liara smirked and pulled on the soldier's wrist to steal one last kiss, before she let Lucy free.
"One last thing, Commander. Finish this mission already so that you can come back here to me."
She laughed when Lucy saluted her in the robe.
"This mission has definitely gotten a lot more complicated, Captain Anderson."
Shepard resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose or slam her head against the nearest wall in her vicinity. She was caught in the game of politics, which ordinarily she wouldn't have truly minded with her many unfortunate experiences in navigating them, but her patience was dwindling rapidly with the fact that had presented itself at port security.
Matriarch Benezia was here - actively present, rather than being some shadow investor.
Worse yet, Shepard was certain that she heard Liara's gasp over the communication she had kept established with those on standby in the mako, waiting to bring it in after she could secure a pass to leave the port and drive through the blizzard raging outside. She knew there was no way the archaeologist was going to stay put with that information.
"She will want to come. She can't, but... She's going to be stubborn. The only thing I'll be able to do then is damage control, mitigate risks and eliminate threats, try to convince her that she must stay on the mako no matter what."
Shepard ordered Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko to allow Vakarian and Wrex to standby with them in the mako, to secure as much additional firepower even if it weren't necessary. In this blizzard, there was no telling what could happen - especially if Saren's closest ally was here with commandos. Shepard tried to stay focused on her surroundings as she investigated Qui'in's office, quietly stepping over the puddle of blood as she trained her rifle for any other movement. There was one last mercenary hiding in here.
Light didn't bother her as much anymore, and on a limb, she engaged her thermal vision function of her implants, holding her breath to listen to the sounds of frantic breathing echoing in the office. She cleared corners and sectors methodically as she hunted the mercenary down. As soon as she spotted the glow of orange, she shut off the thermal rendering to confirm her target - then took aim and waited patiently. When the mercenary checked around the corner, exposing her head, Shepard fired. She sighed when she realized that the corpse had slumped in a carpeted room.
"Lorik is going to be upset over the bloodstains. Oh well, it's just that room."
Shepard advanced upstairs, setting up motion sensors as she stuck them to the walls. She glanced over the railing to ensure there was no one else in here as she traversed the corridor down to where Lorik explained where his office resided. Her visor lit up with information that something crossed one of her motion sensors. As soon as she entered the office, she rushed over to start the hack and download process, then hugged the wall to check around the corner. She saw a small group getting into position.
"Sergeant Stirling," Shepard recognized, sighing. "I'm not shocked. This whole port is corrupted. Likely Lorik as well. It would be more efficient to fight crime by dropping a bomb on this place."
She had wished she planted remote grenades, chastising for not taking the extra precautions. She was cutting corners in her race to return to the Normandy and keep her promise. She needed to remind herself to slow down, stay focused, not get overconfident in her capabilities and preparations. She'd seen too many other soldiers die because of that, and she was determined to come back safe.
"Or else I'll never hear or smell the end of it with Liara's burning brain as she scolds me over more scratches."
Shepard rolled her eyes at the thought, though her lips smiled against her will. She glanced over to check the progress of the hack on the terminal, then carefully pulled away from the wall as she laid down. She rolled over across the doorway and crawled out into the corridor, staying hidden behind the low wall as she quietly made her way to the group. She winced when Stirling's nails-on-board voice screeched and echoed.
"Commander Shepard, you are under arrest for trespassing on private property and murder! We know you're in Lorik's office! Come out with your hands up!"
"Can one thing on this mission go quick and easy?" Shepard inwardly grumbled. "I hate corrupt cops." She stopped a safe meter from the corner, reaching behind her hip to grab one of her smoke grenades. She pulled the pin and tossed it over, grimacing at the deafening sounds of gunfire over the trigger happy mercenaries. She crawled the last meter as she activated her thermal vision, ending the masquerade with a few calculated shots to the head. She sighed and rose to her feet when silence fell and the smoke dissipated, disengaging the thermal rendering as she went back to the office, not bothering to check for pulses.
≤Sounds like you're having a rough day, Commander.≥ Chief Williams lilted on the comms. ≤Don't you just love Noveria?≥
"I'll admit it has an impressive gun range with a variety of moving targets," Shepard joked dryly. She heard how there was one who didn't quite appreciate it with the way they sighed in the background of Williams' chuckles. "I thought it was a good one... Isn't the goal to connect with the crew?"
It was something to remember to inquire and work on with Dr. T'Soni when she returned from this mission.
Shepard jogged back to the office and retrieved the download. She rushed to submit the evidence, fighting to suppress more groans over this wretched place when she was stopped by a politician's assistant along the way - only to find out that Parasini was an undercover cop. This mess was tangling in a more insufferably blissful web that Shepard ordinarily would have been intrigued by, reminiscing over beloved cop shows, but she had a fucking promise to keep and a far more complicated issue to deal with that she couldn't figure out what in the hell she was supposed to do.
This was maddening.
She didn't put much thought into things as she played along, secured Lorik's cooperation to testify against Anoleis, and let Parasini know that another corrupted slimeball could be put behind bars. It was the stuff of dreams, where she could've very well recalled on everything she'd learned from the Chief of Police or the Detective of Blue Bloods, to even possibly put into practice herself. But the Chief and the Detective were utterly useless in deciphering the puzzle of what one should do with a lover's murderous mother.
"I have to arrest Benezia, there's no way around it. Hopefully she will surrender peacefully. But if she doesn't... I can't kill Liara's mother. I mean, I can, I won't have any issue to. That's the problem too. Why the hell do I have to be a professional killer? Why not a professional negotiator? My guns have always negotiated for me."
Shepard secured the pass to leave the port and head to Peak 15, and her doom was fast approaching. She couldn't ask for advice on the radio, not with Liara listening in. She idly walked to the garage as she green-lighted the mako team to meet her there.
"Liara will hate me. She's not going to want me to keep my promise. Surely she understands the situation I'm now in, though? Is this something we can communicate honestly over? Her emotion is going to cloud her judgment again, just like at the mansion with her friends. Which I understand. But..."
The soldier sighed. She darkened her helmet's visor to shield her face as she came up to the garage, showing the guard her pass to be allowed through. She felt as though she had moved mechanically, a rhythm to her movements that once was comforting as her training would autonomously take over her body. But she never received training in this. She didn't want to hurt Liara. She didn't want Liara to get hurt.
Those were the only conclusions Shepard could see at the end of this mission.
"Fuck," she hissed under her breath when her gaze connected with the mako waiting for her.
"She's in there, likely. I forgot to give her orders. I have to snap out of it, I can't afford to be careless or absent-minded. It's dangerous. Someone will get hurt because of me. I'll put my foot down when I enter the mako, no matter her state. She absolutely cannot leave the mako under any circumstances and that is the only deal I will agree to to keep her so close on this mission. She may speak with her mother after I apprehend Benezia."
Noises alerted her. Stuttering, static, clicking. She broke out into a run for the mako.
"Geth!" Shepard yelled, watching as the mako revved to life as the cannon rolled towards her. She dropped down and slid down the garage slope as gunfire erupted behind her, grimacing when the mako's cannon deafeningly thundered and tore the air. "Check your fire, we have to preserve the property as much as possible!"
Slowly, the hatch hissed open. Wrex jumped out laughing, his shotgun blasts flaring a stubborn concussion that refused to be completely gone already. Vakarian had set himself up on the floor of the mako as he stabilized his sniper rifle with a tripod, firing calculated shots at the geth. Alenko and Williams provided suppressive fire - all well and good, up until Shepard saw Liara's head begin to poke out the corner of the hatch.
"Get back inside!" Shepard leapt up and over Vakarian, roughly grabbing Liara by the back of her suit as she shoved the asari back into safety.
Something threatened to explode inside of her when she had seen that Liara wasn't even suited up, getting in the archaeologist's face with a stern hand on the shoulder to keep her sitting on the bench. "Are you insane, Liara? You don't have any armour or shields!"
"B-biotics," the asari started, but the way her pupils were dilated with fear, checking over at the chaos that unfolded the hatch, made it easy to reach a decision here.
"You are not to leave the mako no matter what," Shepard growled. She nearly lost what composure she could stitch together when she saw Tali in here too. "What are you both doing in here? You're civilians, you-"
"We were just monitoring communications," Tali started, "There wasn't time to-"
A spark pinged off one of the mako's walls, too close to the quarian for comfort. Shepard hastily rushed over to shove Tali into the other end of the mako, then jumped out the hatch to help the others fend the geth off. She chastised herself for being spaced out, for losing her calm. She never did. The last time she did was... Was Akuze, maybe. Shepard caught Tali shooting around the corner of the mako hatch and groaned.
Simone didn't listen to her back then, either. Why were engineers so bloody stubborn?
"I'll have to tell Tali she can't leave the mako either. This is a complete shitshow."
Laughter echoed in here, due to a certain maniacal krogan, and Shepard swore she caught Williams smirking as they advanced to corner and eliminate the last of the geth units. The soldier was growing more and more tense, her patience rapidly whittling down at the sight of more cops entering the garage. She kept her finger ready on the trigger in case if Matsuo was just as corrupt as her sergeant.
Nothing transpired, thankfully, other than choice words exchanged. Words Shepard didn't hold back. She ignored the surprised looks her marines gave her as she stormed back to the mako, signalling for them to haul in. As soon as she jumped up into the hatch, her gaze cut into Liara's, and the asari shrunk in her seat in the corner.
"Williams, take us to Peak 15. Alenko, keep an eye on the radar for any threats hiding in the blizzard. Vakarian, man the mako's guns while Wrex goes up into the cannon cockpit. Benezia will have brought more geth with her."
Tali slowly rose to stand, and Shepard shook her head sternly.
"Continue to monitor comm-chatter, and you are not allowed to leave the mako. Is that understood?"
"Commander I can handle-"
"You don't have training," Shepard cut coldly. Her gaze settled back on Liara. "It's an entirely different matter to be able to handle and take care of yourself, and to fight together as a unit. You and Dr. T'Soni aren't appropriately geared. It will only take a single mistake for it to be fatal. I am not asking for your cooperation right now. This is an order: remain in the mako." She relented when the archaeologist crossed her arms and looked away, her eyes burning bright and sheen. The soldier sighed. "I don't intend to be disrespectful."
"Intentions don't matter when consistent actions speak louder," Liara grumbled under her breath.
Shepard suppressed the urge to sigh again, and instead came behind her marines at the pilot seats. She leaned over to watch the radar with Alenko, then over at the whiteout obscuring Williams' screen. She was following a map instead, and Shepard inspected it out of curiosity. "Where did you get that map, Williams?"
"Hm? Oh, Tali hacked into some cameras and constructed it for us from previous feed back when the weather was nice. Still takin' it nice and slow so we're not near the edge."
The soldier could feel hostility on her back right now, and she couldn't bring herself to look over her shoulder.
"Good work Tali," Shepard murmured.
"Mm."
"All my efforts to connect with the crew have gone to waste," the soldier inwardly grumbled. "What's the point? It's too complicated, and now instead my authority is diminished if they view me as their friend instead of their leader. I am not a friend." She stole a glance over at Liara's direction, where the asari was stubbornly leaning about to get a look at the radar that Alenko was monitoring. "I am a soldier. This is my job. Mitigate the risks. Eliminate threats. Why can't she understand that? She's understood everything else, even when I didn't understand me."
All things she wanted to communicate, but she felt this wasn't the time. Not with the others here, anyways - and they were on a mission. They had to stay focused. Emotions couldn't afford to be felt right now, in order to keep judgment clear.
So why wasn't that enough to quell these stupid thoughts of reaching out to Liara?
"It's dangerous." Shepard fixed her gaze back on the screens, watched as blips on the radar disappeared when Vakarian or Wrex worked to eliminate them.
In the mental state the soldier was constructing, to fall into the mantras to remain focused and empty, she was imagining Benezia as a blip on that radar.
"I can't reach out to Liara. Not now, even if the others weren't here. There's a very high likelihood that I will be confronting Benezia. I can't afford to let Liara's emotions cloud my judgment either, if it becomes a matter of life or death. Our mission is too important for us to be killed or captured here - worse yet, end up in Saren's hands."
"We're rolling up to Peak 15," Williams announced. "Your orders, Commander?"
"Standby, monitor communication. I will infiltrate the complex. I will call for reinforcements should the situation call for it."
"Understood, Commander."
"You're going alone?" Liara piped up, shooting up from her seat until the soldier's gaze fell on her, and she reluctantly sat back down. "But my mother-"
"I will call for reinforcements should the situation call for it," Shepard repeated calmly. She reluctantly reached out and squeezed the asari's shoulder. "I will attempt to apprehend her first."
"And if you can't?"
Once, the truth would have come out so easily, without thought. It was the next logical thing to do. The rational, emotionless step.
"Neutralize the threat."
But the way Liara looked at her, as if she was standing at the edge of a cliff... The way Liara clung onto her wrist, squeezing too. The way Liara seemed so broken and defeated already, yet her tear-stricken eyes held on with hope, it all trifled with Shepard no matter how many times she repeated her bloody mantras to try and bring herself in the state she needed to be.
So, Shepard did the next logical thing to do.
"You cannot leave the mako no matter the circumstance. You will be punished severely if you disobey this order, Dr. T'Soni."
And she retreated before she could see the damage she'd caused in those eyes.
This was the risk she should have focused to mitigate. The threat to eliminate. Herself, and any emotional ties between her and Dr. T'Soni. She was proving to be far too dangerous to be a companion, far too ruthless to have hope for any foundation of any kind of intimacy.
"I'm still a professional killer. She keeps forgetting that." Shepard clutched her rifle angrily as she advanced into the building. "She won't stop taking risks. She foolishly came close to me while I slept again. Did she forget who gave her the bruise on her throat? She's too careless."
Anger translated into efficiency as she cleared the complex, her training kicking in automatically as her body moved without thought. She observed and calculated where the enemy was in Peak 15's garage, noting how there seemed to have been a disaster that took place here as well. She watched the krogan foremost, then threw a grenade at him as she popped out of cover to eliminate the geth reinforcements. She aimed at the krogan and focused fire on his legs, watching the explosion consume him and fling his body away from the concussive force. She approached cautiously with her rifle aimed up until she came to his side and saw that his frontal plate had partially torn, brain matter oozing out.
Eerie silence hung over the garage, apart from the crackling of small fires fizzing out of life with the remnants of an extinguisher coating the sources. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, performed her oil check, but without the happy memories in a last ditch effort to empty out emotion so that her anger wouldn't threaten to tamper with her focus.
≤Everything alright, Commander?≥ Williams asked over the radio.
"Affirmative. Minor skirmish. Nothing of note to be concerned over. Advancing further into the complex now, await further orders."
≤Understood, Commander.≥
After recollecting composure, Shepard moved on, deeper in the facility. The doors weren't working. She swapped her rifle for her pistol and manually overloaded them as she wedged her synthetic fingers in, trying to ignore the few times she had to do this to pry open a certain doctor's door. She aimed her pistol when she saw turrets, along with dead bodies that didn't seem geared - appropriately geared, like a certain other individual. The soldier kept her aim on the turrets as she knelt down to check their pulses, having already determined their deaths from the amount of blood that soaked in the grooves of tiles in this corridor.
"Their systems are down. Scientists here," she reported, "All dead, wounds coincide with turret fire here - instead of the geth. They've got turrets facing the wrong way. Possible cover up by the company to eliminate any risk of information leaks. We could be dealing with illegal research here."
≤By the Goddess...≥ Came a quiet trembled breath in the background of the marines' professional chatter to confirm the report.
Shepard pretended not to hear it and continued her advance. She kept to the walls and took her time to get into cover whenever she spotted flashlight heads, drawing their attention when she tossed a broken-off piece of rebar down the opposite way of her. She threw another grenade at the small group of geth and leapt over a low wall, listening to sounds of fading static after the explosion.
"Tagged 3 more geth," she announced over the radio. Her head shot up when an automated voice blared on the ceiling's PA system.
≤User alert! Main reactor shut down in accordance with emergency containment procedures. Manual restart required.≥
"Emergency containment? Is it because of the geth? This doesn't make sense, if Benezia is an investor in whatever is going on in here, why would she launch an assault on her own assets?"
Skittering alarmed her, like hundreds of little legs beating against metal. Too light to be geth. Too numerous, too close by - small cloaked geth units? Shepard went back to her rifle and took aim at the stairs, waiting and falling into a rhythm with her breaths as she did. She silently stalked backwards to seek cover behind a demolished wall.
"Something's wrong in this facility," she quietly whispered on the radio. Her gaze snapped to a vent cover that shot up in one of the rooms, and her eyebrows pinched in confusion over what she could see. "Antennas?"
Some kind of organic creature slithered out, and she sought out a new position to observe from to study it.
"I have visual on a new species: looks to be like some kind of arachnid mixed with the hard shell of a beetle. Has antennas or..." She took a closer look. "Not sure. Maybe arms."
More chatter from her marines. Then the sounds of something crashing, alarming her. She nearly broke out into a run for the mako when her imagination exploded with scenes of an explosion being detonated beneath the vehicle, and Liara being pinned by it. She froze when she could hear Williams struggle for the mic, with Wrex's booming voice flaring up the soldier's headache.
≤Shepard, get the hell out of there! That's fuckin' rachni!≥
"What? That doesn't make sense." She glanced around the wall again. "They're extinct, aren't they? Are you certain about this Wrex?"
Her gaze connected with the abyss-black orbs of the insect. It's antennas flicked aggressively, and she took off running back from where she came when the skittering beat after her. She blindly took pot shots over her shoulder, and her abdomen diffused with pain when she twisted at her waist too much, antagonizing her healing wound. She viciously repressed the growl in the back of her throat, continuing to fire as the insect refused to relent.
"Wrex, how do I take it down?!"
≤He left, Commander, he's closing in on your position!≥ Williams announced.
"I didn't request reinforcements," Shepard groaned.
Another look over her shoulder, and her eyes widened when she saw many more rachni tailing after her. Two more large insects, followed by a swarm of tiny ones. She took out a grenade and prayed she wouldn't collapse the entire integrity of this structure as she tossed it down at her feet, rushing around the corridor where the dead scientists were.
Pressure weighed down on her shoulder plate and she reached over, plucking off one of the tiny rachni. Her eyes widened when it's snouts opened, and sharp pain shot through her arm and leg - her cybernetic limbs. She panicked as she threw it away, watched as a small splash of acid splattered over the wall and melted it away. Her heart surged to her throat as she whirled around, frantically patting down for more grenades before she clutched her rifle, her aim quivering as a fog instantly consumed her mind.
One blink, and the sterile white corridor, stained red with blood, turned into sandy terrain stained green with steaming puddles of acid. A scream tore her throat when the larger insects entered the corridor and she fired blindly, paralyzed when their snouts opened too. The swarm crashed through like a tidal wave, the insects struggling to climb on top of each other to get to her.
All she could see was the balls of acid collecting in the back of the throat.
Instinct and memory and the promise of familiar agony screamed at her to get out of the way. Her legs were rooted in fear. Her palms grew clammy with sweat in a single breath. Her heart rate skyrocketed and she swore it was beating between her ears, and in another blink, the arachnids transformed into thresher maws. The acid balls took flight towards her, the acidic spray spreading in the air to catch her like a net. Phantom pain exploded and seared through her cybernetic limbs.
She didn't hear herself screaming.
There was a voice. Maybe a call of her name? Maybe even with concern, but that was her imagination. Everybody was dead, disintegrated or dismembered. Simone only made sounds because it was agonal breathing. A ghostly hand squeezed the soldier's broken shoulder. Gravity pulled her back to slam on the ground, and the acid skidded the top of her helmet as she fell, steam hissing like the hydraulics of cybernetics.
Gunfire erupted behind her, precise projectiles buzzing above her face. She shakily looked down at her chest, watching all the thresher maws' heads implode on impact. She scrambled and slid back on her rump, clutching at her thigh. Her throat burned from all the cursing as she watched acid melt through armour, through flesh, through bone. Her leg was turning into a puddle beneath her. She clawed at her thigh plate to remove it, desperately padding herself down for something she could use as a tourniquet. She had to control the bleeding and remain conscious, or she was dead next.
Hands were on her, holding her down. She resisted with all her might. Her mauled shoulder buckled, slumping abnormally. She couldn't calm her breathing down enough to call on her biotics to save her, even if she'd lost half her output with half her body fucking gone. Purple dots flooded her vision, high-pitched white noise shrieked in her ears.
That shrieking was just like the thresher maw, it's pain roaring in the air after the explosion. She still remembered how much her cheeks ached with a vicious grin that refused to leave her as she listened.
Suddenly, the purple dots bled black. She was staring into darkness, into emptiness. The pain was gone. Warm whispers swum, embracing her fingers when she reached out. She was confused by the glimpse of a memory she's caught.
{Here's to us lone wolves.}
The human clinked her glass against mine, then finished her wine. She held out her hand when I finished mine.
{I'll get us more. Kitchen is where?}
{Down the hallway, the first left you come across. And thank you.}
{No problem.}
A soothing sensation bloomed in the chest, a hopeful question trapped in the mind.
"What if I don't want to be a lone wolf anymore?"
It's not a question Shepard heard with her own voice, this time. In the darkness, a calloused hand slipped in over hers. Then they part, and curious fingers traced her palmar creases, delicately drawing a line down to the wrist, to the inner elbow, up to the shoulder she wished she could feel. She couldn't feel it. Why couldn't she feel it? Oh, right, because it was metal now. She forgot for a second there.
Despite not being able to feel it, she relaxed. Her mind painted a picture, put a face to the hand mapping and studying her. Dr. T'Soni. There was a different voice in her head, the one that admitted it didn't want to be a lone wolf anymore.
There was a gentleness to it, pacifying the pain of harsh memories as her life was narrated like some kind of movie.
"The incident in Akuze of 2177. The thresher maws wiped out fifty marines, and only one survivor made it out, barely alive. M21.70, your personal frequency you chose, a reminder that you're still alive. Mindoir of 2170. Batarian slavers raided the colony, slaughtering most of the colonists. Those not fortunate to die were subjected to cranial implants without anaesthetic. The only survivor was a sixteen year old teenager of a humble family of farmers."
Images flashed too quickly to grasp, the words threatening to paint finer details in. Mom, dad, pushing her out the way, screaming at her to hide in the sewers. Abruptly, the memory of them was pushed away. Shepard was back in the darkness, standing in front of the archaeologist.
"You want to stay as a lone wolf," Dr. T'Soni said, lips set in a melancholic smile. "Because it hurts to lose the ones you come to care for."
"They die because of me," Shepard quietly confessed, her gaze falling to her feet. She flexed her synthetic hand in front of her. "I only survived because I caused their deaths."
"I saw the fleeting moment in your memories, how your parents sacrificed themselves for you. You didn't cause their deaths. The slavers did."
"What about my unit? My whole unit, Dr. T'Soni. I was the one that gave the command. Told them we needed to hold our position, that we couldn't retreat. I sent them to their deaths, and for what? For nothing."
"It wasn't for nothing, and you still didn't cause their deaths. The thresher maws did. You all sacrificed yourselves to protect the colony."
"Some sacrifice if I get to cheat death. I'm always cheating death."
There was a forced levity in the asari's tone... That didn't go entirely unappreciated.
"Isn't living a good thing? If I recall correctly, you've expressed several times how you preferred to stay alive, or to have Councilor Tevos' hands away from your neck."
Shepard didn't know what to say, but it cracked a small smile from her. She kept flexing her fingers until a blue hand slipped over them.
"You don't need to do this alone," Dr. T'Soni whispered. "Trust your team. Trust yourself. Trust me, please." She stepped closer as she cradled both of the soldier's hands, leaning in just enough for their lips to brush ever so softly. "Let me see the you that you won't let anyone else see." Her hands crawled up to the shoulders in that warm-blanket embrace, tucking her face in Shepard's neck. "A lone wolf can't survive on it's own forever, and you know that. Don't throw your life away because you think you don't deserve it. You deserve every second of it."
Unknowing where to put her hands, the soldier stayed rigid. She was afraid to connect. The bravado before made no show of itself here, exposing her to be as indecisive and scared as she never wanted anyone to see.
Every part of her was screaming at her to push away, to protect herself. She was frozen again. Dr. T'Soni adjusted herself, still embracing, and her warm breaths sank into Shepard's neck, slowly thawing her. Tentatively, her hands came up to wrap around the asari. There was a fragile barrier that almost broke. She invested all her effort into maintaining it, too afraid to take the leap beyond. But a dam can only hold back water for so long, for it would still find it's way through the cracks. Little pieces started to spill, collecting into a pond.
Lucy sighed.
"Being alone is all I know, Liara. I can't trust anyone. I can't trust them with me. Everybody always dies when they put their lives in my hands. Look what's going to happen to Benezia? How can you still trust me with her, when I left you behind the way that I did? Stick around me long enough and you're going to die too. It's safer for everybody if I operate alone."
"Operate," the archaeologist chuckled wryly, "You can't just 'operate' your way through life. You're not a machine."
"Yet. Halfway there."
Liara pulled away to give a pointed look.
"You have had your doubts about me and yet you still protected me. You gave both of us a chance despite all the things that worried you, due to how things looked with my being in Therum. For that alone, I know how you'll handle how things are looking right now with my mother. I question some of your decisions, but I think you've done the same for me too, and you don't let that stop you. Even with your doubts, I know you're still going to fight to protect mother, to believe she's innocent until proven guilty. Where in any of that is saying 'my name is Commander Lucy Fair Shepard and people die because of me?'"
"Well, if I pull the trigger..."
There was a scary glare in the asari's eyes. There's a shoot to kill order for any sign of sarcasm now.
"My point is you're giving all of you - every breath and every limb - in your fight to save lives, not destroy them. That's the you that you fight not to let yourself see."
"Because I-"
"And by the way, I do still trust you."
"There's... No way that's true, Liara, not after how I spoke to you in the mako."
"I can still trust you without subjecting to absolute approval of every decision you make, can I not? Because I didn't, then. I can understand your perspective and why, but I don't agree with it." The archaeologist had a ferocious resolve in her steely gaze, and despite her own fears, she had the courage to keep moving forward. "Don't you ever leave me behind like that again, you hear me? We're going to save my mother together. Now wake up."
The blackness exploded with colour and the world remained constant.
Faces flooded her view, with Liara upside down, her hands cradling the soldier's head. There was Wrex. Tali. Garrus. Ashley. Kaidan.
Parched, authority already diminished, she had to try as her gaze aimed at Tali. "Return to the mako, you-"
Someone cleared their throat. Expressly so. Her case was demolished. She tried again regardless as she looked at Liara, who smirked.
"Tali is here to collect geth for analysis, Commander. It's crucial to study and understand our enemy, don't you think?"
"Well, yeah, but..."
"She was actively plotting to steal a vehicle from Hanshan's garage otherwise, to be able to store what parts she extracts. Do you want your crew to resort to criminal action?"
"Well, no, but..."
Liara rose as she offered her hand, a warm smile with eyes that brimmed with pride.
"Then I think it's time to rise and lead your pack."