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Chapter 26: Hit The Road, Drak
I.
Ron was holding his head in his hands. "Man, I can't do anything right!" he groaned.
"It's no big, Ron. So you don't have your wallet," Kim said, waving away the difficulty. She, like her BF, was dressed in her mission outfit and ready to go.
"You mean you're okay with me driving without my license?" Ron asked, astonished by his girlfriend's surprisingly lax view of motoring laws.
Her arms now folded across her chest, she shot him a look. "No."
"Then how are we going to get to Go City?"
"I'll drive," she said.
"Uh, KP, while I really do believe you can do anything, I don't think you behind the wheel is a good idea."
The withering glance she gave him made Ron feel very uncomfortable. "Aargh!" she exploded. Her shoulders slumped and she looked at him with an expression that was much softer. "You're right. Sorry for harshing on you. I just hate being this way."
"You're still beautilicious," Ron said.
Kim carefully draped her arms around his neck. "I think I'll keep you around," she said. "Unfortunately, we're still stuck here."
That was when they heard the clearing of a throat. A manly throat. That belonged to a manly man who was clearly not up to watching Hana.
"I'll drive," Barkin said. His eyes had a manic gleam to them. Then he added, "Please!"
"What, my little sister's too much for you?" Ron gibed.
"Sweet mother of pearl! She's a …"
"Little sweetheart," Fern said as she wandered in, cuddling a giggling Hana. "You two take GI Joe, and Han and I will hold down the fort."
Kim and Ron exchanged a glance. Ron gulped. Kim sighed.
The decision had been made. Team Possible was going to Go City. With a chaperone.
Which was better than going with the 'rents.
II.
It was Friday evening at Chez Couteaux, Middleton's premier dining spot. Couples were whispering sweet nothings to one another, deals were being struck, and families were celebrating important milestones. And then there was the twosome, seated at a table in middle of the dining room and exhibiting a level of awkwardness hitherto unseen in the annals of human history. Or at least it felt that way to the duo concerned.
"So," the man said.
"Yeah, so," the woman awkwardly replied.
The couple had been sitting at the table, their body language tortured, their conversation stilted, unable to maintain eye contact with one another. Other diners appeared to be enjoying their meals and one another's company. Other diners weren't Shego and Drakken, however.
Drakken was dressed in his blue lab coat and a matching red bow tie, while Shego wore a green Sperlucci dress.
"Oh, fiddlesticks," Drakken finally complained.
"Did you just say 'fiddlesticks'?" Shego asked, her familiar smirk appearing.
"And what if I did?" he asked heatedly. "It's a perfectly fine word."
"Whoa!" Shego said, holding out her hands as if to ward off danger. "Didn't say it wasn't."
They lapsed back into their state of acute social discomfort.
Finally, Shego began to get up. "Okay, let's just chalk this up as another failure."
Drakken's eyes opened wide. "What? No!"
"Doc …"
Be a man. If the buffoon could do this, you can. You are a genius, after all. Tell her how you feel.
"Nnggggh. Shego, I lo, lo, I like you," Drakken mumbled.
"Come again?" she asked, looking surprised.
"I said I like you?" Drakken replied before mumbling, "A lot."
"That's what I thought you said," she replied as she smiled. She knew he wanted to say more, but finally the ice had been broken and, important to her, by him. She sat down.
"Oh," Drakken said, blushing, unsure of where this was going.
Shego gave him a wicked smile. "It's all good, Drew. I like you, too."
Drakken had trouble breathing. Shego found this to be oddly cute. Go figure.
The two former villains looked at one another. "So what's next?" he asked.
"Dunno," she said with a shrug. "This is new to me."
"What do you mean?" he asked, genuinely perplexed.
"In case you haven't noticed, I haven't had a real relationship since I started working for you. Too busy trying to pull your keister out of the fire every time your latest whack plan failed, I guess."
Drakken was about to say something but then he noticed Shego's face. She wasn't taunting or mocking him, just stating the facts. "Thank you," he said softly.
"You're welcome," she said.
"You know, the last time …"
"Doesn't count. You saved the world."
"Nnnnnghh."
"Hey, it's not what you planned but, so what, you did what Princess couldn't do."
"I guess I did, didn't I?" he said brightly.
"... Though there was monkey boy," Shego added.
"Rain on my parade," he groused.
"Hey, you still did okay," she said. "Your flower power kicked butt." Then she turned quiet.
"What is it?"
"Princess," she sighed.
"What about Miss All That?"
"You saw the news? How she was taken out like a punk?"
"What? I thought she had become a party girl! I was very disappointed. I thought Possible would have done a better job of raising her."
"Oh give me a break, Little Miss Save the World? Misbehave? Somebody's done something to Kimmie."
"And it bothers you."
"Yes!" Shego snarled, drawing the attention of the other diners. "Yes," she said a bit more quietly. "I was supposed to take her out."
"And now somebody else has." Drakken said, thinking about what he'd read and seen on TV. He sat quietly. "You want to help her!"
"I want to beat her," Shego growled. "And I can't do that it if somebody else has gotten there first.
"So what do you want to do?"
Shego thought about the situation, then got up. "Come on," she said. "We're going to the lab."
"But what about our dinner?" he asked.
Shego looked at Drakken for a long moment, then smiled. "Trust me. Dessert will be better."
Drakken heard the tone of Shego's voice. Then he had a flashback to when she'd been moodulated. "Eep."
III.
"Possible, you're up front with me," Barkin ordered.
Kim, Ron and Mr. Barkin were standing by Ron's car. She looked at her one-time teacher, then at her boyfriend. "I think I'll sit in the back. With Ron," she added before her BF thought of riding up front.
Barkin looked at the two teens. He looked like he wanted to give them detention.
"It's that or you're back on Hana patrol!" Ron said with unvarnished glee.
Kim, unable to help herself, smirked.
"Fine," their former teacher said. "But when civilization collapses, don't blame me."
Kim and Ron looked at their teacher in total confusion.
"Don't play dumb with me, Stoppable. You. Her. In the back seat."
"And you up front with the rearview mirror," Kim shot back with a shake of the head. "So not happening."
"It's not?" Ron asked. "Uh, what's not?"
Kim rolled her eyes.
Barking leaned in. "You and Possible. Playing tonsil hockey. Swapping spit. Mashing lips."
"Aww man …" Ron whined.
Kim sighed and Barkin shook his head, then she spoke. "Head in the game, Ron. It's time to go get the bad guys."
IV.
Drakken looked around the lab. "And what was it we were going to do?"
"Build a ray that undoes whatever was done to her," Shego said.
"And how am I supposed to do that?"
"Build a ray that you want to do whatever was done to her?" Shego suggested.
"Har har, Shego. And I thought this was a date." Drakken was miffed.
"Sorry, old habit. Look, there's a lot of stuff here. Can't you just whip up something that will cure Kimmie?"
"It will be difficult," Drakken said, rubbing his chin. "But then again my genius is off the chain!" he boasted.
"Whatever," she said, dropping down into a chaise lounge.
"That's it? I left a restaurant to come back here to be mocked?"
"Oh, come off it," Shego said with a grin. "Once you do whatever it is you do, we can enjoy dessert."
"Lemon squares?"
"And cocoa moo," she said, smiling.
"Oooo," Drakken said. "Then I'd better get working."
The mad scientist began to bustle around the lab, grabbing beakers, turning on computers, rummaging through drawers. Finally, he approached a terminal and what appeared to be a dentist's chair. "Shego," he said. "I've done my part. Now you do yours."
"What? You messed up the lab?" Shego observed, then paused. "Yeah, I guess, you have done your part."
Drakken glowered at her. "Very funny, Shego. Laugh if you must, but with this, I shall finally have Kim Possible where I want her!"
"Okay, date or no date, you've stopped making sense," Shego observed.
"With the Discombobulator, I will heal Kim Possible and have her in my debt."
Shego considered that for a moment. "Okay, that sounded weird, even for you. What's this thing do?"
"It will scramble her reflexes. One zap and zowie!"
"Zowie?"
"Yes, zowie! She'll be tripping all over her feet …
".. Except she won't. She'll be back to her old self."
"Well, if you don't succeed at first, why not just fail?" Drakken observed.
"Okay. What do you want me to do?" Shego asked as she sprung to her feet.
"We need Kim Possible. Here."
V.
"Ron, it's okay for you to sit next to me," Kim said, not bothering to hide her annoyance.
"But KP, Barkin's up there," he said nervously. "And he's giving me that look."
"Oy, not with the look again." she rolled her eyes and then sidled up next to her boyfriend and took his hand.
Barkin peered at them in the mirror.
"Okay, so maybe you weren't exaggerating," she whispered, then said, "Mr. Barkin, please keep your eyes on the road and not us."
Grudgingly, he took his eyes off the teens in the back seat.
Kim and Ron made themselves comfortable, she resting her head on his shoulder.
Barkin coughed. Loudly.
Kim groaned. The trip to Go City was going to take a long time.
TBC …
Author's Note: Regular readers will note that this is a shorter than usual chapter. I've been busier than expected this summer but wanted to adhere to my biweekly schedule. Indeed, campy is to be thanked for turning this around on such short notice. Anyway, I hope to have another installment ready on July 21st, but after that I will be traveling until mid-August. "What's the Alma Mater" will return on the 25th of August or September 1.