My thanks to CajunBear73, LJ58, kriitikko, Eddy13, Jimmy1201, darth56, Joe Stoppinghem, Quathis, Bobtrumpet, Prateek, F.D. Roach, and Un83ata813 for their reviews and to everyone for reading.

Thanks also to everyone who has added this story or author to their favorites or alert lists. I really appreciate it!

And, last but not least, thanks to campy for proofing this chapter.

KP © Disney.

A/N: By now you've probably heard the news but if not: Disney announced they'll be making a live action version of Kim Possible for the Disney Channel. Bob Schooley and Mark McCorkle are involved, which is reassuring, but as one friend asked, "Didn't they learn anything from 'And the Molerat Will Be CGI'?"

Chapter 31: A Tale of Two Barkins

I.

"Aaggghhh!," Ron screamed as he took in his surroundings.

What was he doing here?

'Here' was on the Revenge. Which was a starship. In a TV show. Maybe KP was right. Maybe he was watching too much cable television. But that didn't change things. He was dressed as an officer in the space drama Space Passage. And on the bridge with him was Steve Barkin.

Whoa. He was in the farthest reaches of deep space with Barkin. Where was Kim? Where was Rufus? Wade? Hana? If he was on TV, where was Commander Kane?

This situation was sick and wrong. No, it was wrong-sick!

"Stoppable!"

"Yes, Mr. B?"

"That's Commander B, you non-conformist punk."

"Uh, yessir," Ron said, rubbing the back of his neck and signaling his unease with the situation. "So, what's going on?"

"If you'd been paying attention instead of fooling around with those video games of yours, you would know that the Revenge has been deployed to the Mirror Zone."

"Uh, yeah, look, just in case Rufus, who's missing by the way, doesn't know what a Mirror Zone is …"

Barkin did a face-palm and groaned. "It's where we encounter dark, twisted mirror images of ourselves."

"Oh, yeah, sure, like that's going to happen …" Ron said with a chuckle and dismissive wave of the hand. He then turned away from Barkin and gasped. "M-m-mr. Barkin?" he stammered. "How did you get over here? And when did you get the facial hair? You didn't have it a second ago.! Oh, wait, yeah. You told me in that shipping crate that you shave like fifteen times a day."

"What are you talking about, you disestablishmentarian twerp?" asked the Barkin manqué. He was an identical twin of the original. The only difference was the goatee he sported.

"Kooky," Ron said as he looked back over his shoulder towards his Barkin. Then he shuddered as found himself between two Barkins, both large, intimidating and none too happy with life. Perhaps Kim was not only right about him watching too much cable but her concern that he was eating too much Bueno Nacho.

Man, if there have to be twins, why can't there be two KPs? He wondered. Then, thinking more on the matter he decided that maybe two Kims would not be a good idea. Twice as many kisses he could handle. Twice as much tweaked was another matter …

II.

The series ended with the Bruins going three and out, so the Llenrock offensive unit hurried off the field. Troy was not looking forward to the bollocking he was sure to receive from the coach. Objectively, they had stunk. Still, it was never fun to be chewed out. He was relieved when he noticed Coach Barkin was downfield talking with a couple of guys, one big, and the other kind of goofy looking.

His relief was short-lived however when he saw someone else waiting for him: an apparently ambulatory and definitely angry Kim Possible.

III.

Ron collected himself. He had, after all, taken down nine-foot-tall aliens with what he was sure Will Du and his buds in the spook world would call extreme prejudice. He could handle a Barkin. He could even handle two Barkins.

"Man, that was … weird," he said as he shook his head, freeing himself from his overactive imagination. He was back at the football game.

Which meant he still had to manage two Barkins.

He gulped.

Especially when they both glared at him. Then they began looking at each other.

"So, Stevie, what are you doing here?" Reeve growled. "Wanted to see how real men play?"

Steve Barkin twitched. Nobody had called him Stevie since Ms. Go. "No," he barked. "I'm on a mission."

"A mission? Ha! Still want to be the hero, don't you, Little Man?"

"Hey, don't be dissin' Mister B," Ron snapped.

"And who's going to make me stop? You?" Reeve laughed.

"Well, yeah," Ron spluttered.

"Make me, Tough Guy," he hissed, as he leaned into Ron, filling his personal space.

"Uh, okay, but … hold on. I gotta check in with KP," he said before he ran down the sideline towards his girlfriend, who had appeared just in the nick of time.

IV.

Kim stood on the sidelines, cool, calm, collected, her anger visible but under control, her body language uncomfortably familiar to any one of the villains she had taken down over the years. She knew she could handle this sitch. She'd stopped the Diablos. She'd faced down aliens. She'd regularly faced off with supervillains. She'd even put up with Bonnie.

But truth be told, this time was different. She'd been chained, shackled, taken her share of hits, even been rendered unconscious by her foes over the years. Still, nobody had ever messed with her in quite the way Tim Morrell and his henchstudents had. And Troy, that self-important jerk, was one of them. He had provided Deb with the weapon, surely knowing what it would do. He'd turned her into a walking calamity, and for good measure, caused her to be laughed at by her fellow students, all because she didn't want to go on a stinkin' date with him. Suddenly, her jaw clenched and her fists balled up.

"KP!"

Kim looked to her side, and saw her BF hustling to her. Ron. Once again, he's got my back. She smiled and felt calmer.

Still, she was going to sack Troy.

The running back and his teammates came to the sidelines. Seeing Kim talking with the goofy guy, he tried to avoid her but she did a double flip, eliciting oohs and aahs from the crowd, and landed in front of the Llenrock football player, blocking his way.

"Hello, Troy," she said, the words dripping with menace.

"Uh, hi, Kim. You're, uh, looking good," Troy replied.

"Unlike you," a voice from behind chimed in. "Dude, where'd you learn to play football? My little sister could outrun you."

His hackles raised, Troy turned to Ron. "Yeah, right. Who are you?"

"My BF," Kim said icily.

Troy goggled at Ron. "This is Don? You turned down a chance to go out with me to stay with this dork?"

Kim seethed. "His name is Ron. And he's not a dork. And he's right. He could run circles around you and so could his sister."

Troy sneered. "Yeah, right."

"He's telling the truth," an irate Steve Barkin said. "As much as it pains me to say this, Stoppable was the best running back in Middleton High history."

Reeve Barkin looked at Ron, as if sizing him up. "Really," he said. "You want to go to school here?"

"Huh?" Ron asked while Kim's eyes opened wide in shock. She quickly figured out what was going on.

"You're the Assistant Athletic Director, aren't you?" Kim asked.

"Acting, actually, as of yesterday," Reeve said.

"Just in case this dude here doesn't understand," Ron said, hooking a thumb at the glowering Troy, "what's going on?"

"Ron," Kim said, trying hard to contain her mounting excitement, "Coach Barkin is recruiting you!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Is he always this dense?" Reeve asked

"Affirmative. But he can run ball," Steve answered.

"But, uh, how can I play football here if I'm at Middleton Community?"

"You want to go to school here?"

"Yes!" Kim answered. "He does!"

"Uh, yeah," Ron added.

"Done," Reeve said. "Consider yourself transferred."

"But what about my classes?"

"We'll take care of that. But don't get any ideas, kid: you'll have to work hard."

"How hard?"

"You ever do the crab walk?"

Ron gulped. "Yeah …"

"That was a cakewalk compared to you and the study plan you're going to have to follow."

Ron twitched.

"I'll tutor you, Ron," Kim said reassuringly.

"So, you in?" Barkin demanded.

"You can really do this?" Ron asked.

"I'm the Acting AD. Even in the Leafy League, sports rule. Your girlfriend isn't the only one who can do anything," Reeve asserted as he pulled out his mobile phone. "Suit up."

"W-wait," Ron stammered. "How am I going to pay …"

"Athletic scholarship. Any other inane questions?"

"Don't worry, Ron. We'll make this work out," Kim enthused. "You'll see!"

"That's enough loafing! Are you going to play?"

Ron nervously saluted and ran into the men's locker room to find a uniform.

"Uh, Coach, what about me?" Troy asked. "I thought I was the running back?"

"So did my grandmother and look how that turned out for Notre Dame," the coach said, confusing everyone.

"Troy, the only thing you should be thinking about is the law," Kim said, her hands on her hips. "Because it's going to come down on you harder than the Go City defensive line."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're working with Tim Morrell. You gave Deb the Klutz Ray," Kim said evenly.

"Huh?" Troy tried to play dumb.

Kim now shook her head in disgust. "Sam told me. You are so busted."

"You can't do this to me!" he sputtered.

"I told you that moving from pretty boy to annoying villain wannabe wasn't a good idea."

Barkin waved to some security officers, who came over. "Take him away."

"Do you know who my father is?" Troy protested as he was bundled off into custody. "You haven't heard the last of this!"

Ron returned just in time to see an agitated Troy be led off by the police, then turned to Reeve Barkin. "So, just to be clear: you teach and coach here and …"

"… You're about to find out what a mollycoddling enabler my little brother was. Now get out on the field, punk!"

The two Barkins watched as Ron hustled out onto the field with the other members of the offensive line. Kim was watching, too, when Traci came up to her.

"Kim, the girls and I had a confab and we'd like you to be captain."

She found herself facing a gaggle of college women, expectant, hopeful looks on their faces. All with the exception of Sam, that is, who stood to the side and fumed.

"Wow. This is so the drama but, but … I can't," Kim said apologetically.

"Why? You're the best one on the squad!" Traci replied.

"It's not my time," Kim said. "But I know who should be captain: you."

"Me?"

"You'd be ferociously good, Traci! You're an upperclassman, a great cheerleader, know how to motivate people, and I know I'd be proud to have you be our leader," Kim said before looking at her squadmates. "How about it, girls?"

The squad cheered their approval.

"Okay, Kim. But only if you lead the next cheer: we know your guy is taking the field for the first time."

She looked out saw Ron on the line of scrimmage. Beaming with pride, she said, "Okay. Here's the sitch…"

V.

"Uh, so, how have you been?" Tim asked. He shifted nervously in his seat. He had not seen his Aunt Amy in a long time and felt a smidgen of guilt. The petrified English nobleman wasn't doing much for his peace of mind, either.

"Oh, I've been peachy," Amy trilled. "We've been having a grand time settling into our little love nest, haven't we, Monty?"

Tim arched an eyebrow, "Uh, Aunt Amy, you know he can't hear you, right?"

"How do you know?" she asked as she sipped on her tea.

Tim's face screwed up as he tried to come up with a response.

"Timmy, I know that Monty is as solid as a rock right now, but that was because of that meanie monkey Yono and —"

"Whoa. Stop right there," Tim protested. "Have you listened to yourself? A monkey cast a spell on this guy? That's preposterous!"

"And you call yourself a scientist!" she wailed.

"Yeah, I do," Tim said.

"Well, magic is just unexplained science," she huffed. "And we don't know what happened to Montykins. So I just assume he can hear my sweet nothings and that way he'll know he's not forgotten. Right, Sweetums?" Amy stroked Monkey Fist's cheek.

"Magic is just unexplained science," he said to himself before he added, "You know, you might be onto something."

"See, you just open that mind of yours and you never know what kind of scrumptious ideas you'll have!" Amy said. Then, she added, "So how about we try some mad science while you're here?"

Tim grinned, "I thought you'd never ask."

To Be Continued …