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KP © Disney. Original characters © author
It Takes Tube To Tango
I.
Since Kim knew what to expect having done this before, the ride through the tube was something to be abided, rather than feared. She knew, after all, what she'd find at the end. As she sped her way down to Global Justice, she idly wondered who had the idea to transport people via pneumatic tubes given the other less exotic options available. The capsule finally landed in its receptacle, its door swung open, and a very tweaked Kim Possible stepped out to find Betty Director and Will Du waiting for her.
The Director spoke, "Kim Possible, welcome to—"
The auburn-haired college student cut off the older woman. "What's the stinkin' sitch?"
Not betraying any emotion, Betty replied, "We have something we need to discuss with you and Ron."
Immediately alert to her boyfriend's absence, Kim looked around. "And he's where?"
"We don't know," Betty admitted. To her credit, she looked Kim in the eye as she said this, as did Will.
"And why am I not surprised?" Kim said acerbically. She immediately activated her wrist Kimmunicator.
"Hey, Kim. What up?" Wade asked as he sipped at his soda.
"GJ decided they needed to talk with Ron and me …"
"And ...?" Wade's eyebrows popped up on his forehead. He didn't like where this was going. GJ, after all, could have just called Kim.
"We found ourselves in their tubes," she said. "Only I showed up. Can you find him, Wade?"
Focusing on the situation, Wade's fingers flew across his keyboards. Then he grimaced. "I'm not getting a signal from his chip …"
The concern Kim was feeling overwhelmed her usual tough-as-nails demeanor. "Wade, please don't tell me …"
"I'm sure Ron's fine. I'll locate him, though it may take some time."
A small smile formed on her face and Kim replied, "Thanks, Wade. You rock, but you already know that. Keep me posted."
"Will do," he said before his image winked out.
Kim was still angry and upset but she knew she had to quickly gain a better handle on her emotions; if she wanted to find Ron, she would need to be fully engaged in dealing with this problem. Looking up at Betty and Will, she crossed her arms and simply said, "Sitch me."
Doctor Director had also benefited from having a moment to collect herself. "GJ needed to talk with Ron about his engagement with the Lorwardians. In its entirety."
Kim had always been quick on the uptake. "You know," she said softly.
Then Will spoke, "Yes, Kimberly, we do. A video recording of the confrontation was recently discovered."
"And so you abducted us why?"
"We did not 'abduct' you," Betty said. "We wanted to talk with you, both of you, about his powers."
"Which you did not see fit to tell us about," Will added.
"We went through this last summer," Kim shot back. "We don't work for you and Ron is not a threat."
Dr. Director sighed. She really didn't want a fight. "Kim, we know that. But there are others in the government who may believe otherwise. If Ron's powers could be turned against us or somehow harnessed and deployed …"
"Ron is not a thing," Kim snapped, her patience wearing thin.
"I know," Betty said. She approached Kim and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Global Justice has let you down twice, Kim Possible. We will not do so again."
Will approached. "Ma'am, if I may?" he asked, prompting curious looks from the two women. "Miss Possible, while we have had our disagreements in the past, I fully support Doctor Director. Global Justice's reputation is at stake and our networks have been compromised. We will find Ron Stoppable."
"No, Will," she said with conviction and command, then pointing to herself, then the two GJ agents, "we will find Ron. Nobody kidnaps my boyfriend."
II.
Ron slowly opened his eyes. Then he panicked when he realized he was floating in some kind of viscous fluid in a cylinder of some sort and that, save for his red boxers with white polka dots, his clothes were missing. Grateful there were no monkeys present, he began to calm down. Well, at least I don't have to worry about losing my pants, he thought. I wonder where they are?
Most likely in the storage bins, suggested a telepathic voice he didn't recognize.
Ah! Voices! Stop the voices in my head! Ron gibbered mentally.
Oy, the voice commented. Can you just look over here?
Ron looked around the unfamiliar darkened chamber and he noticed he was not alone. There were two other cylinders. And in them were floating two figures.
Who were not human.
III.
Martin Smarty grimaced as he reviewed the most recent reports. He looked up from the papers at the assorted executives arrayed before him. "These numbers are pathetic! What's going on?"
"It's Middleton, Sir," one woman answered. "There had been a series of innovations that customers were responding to, other stores copied them which propelled sales, and then they stopped earlier this fall and well, the rest is history."
"Ron Stoppable," Smarty said.
"Sir?"
"We had retail genius, the next generation, working for us, and I made him choose between us and his girlfriend," he sighed. "We need him back on the team."
"What do you want us to do?"
"Find him. I tried calling earlier and got no response. When you do find him, let me know. I'm going to make that boy an offer he can't refuse …"
IV.
"Ron, where are you?" Kim bit her lip in frustration as the image of her Webmaster blinked off. Wade was having no luck in locating her BF and GJ had come up short in its efforts to locate her BFBF.
"Why don't you go back to Llenrock, Kim," a sympathetic and concerned Dr. Director said as she rested a hand on the auburn-haired hero's shoulder. "We'll keep you posted."
"No. I'm staying here until we find him," Kim said before she let out an involuntary yawn.
"At least go lie down. You can use one of the bunks," Will Du offered. "You will be more effective if you get some rest."
Reluctantly, Kim agreed. Will could be annoying but he was right. She'd had a very long day and needed a break. She got up and stretched. "Okay. But wake me up in thirty. Unless you hear something …"
Betty nodded. "Don't worry. You'll be the first to know."
V.
"Uh, you guys aren't from around here, are you?" Ron thought as his vision focused and he was able to look at the two aliens. They each had a large head, big black eyes, no visible mouths, and compact, wiry bodies. Like Ron, they were missing their clothes, though in their case they were completely naked.
Unlike Ron, the absence of garments didn't reveal much about their gender: the two were androgynous. And unlike the Lorwardians, they weren't imposingly large. Of course, Warhok and Warmonga couldn't use telepathy to communicate, so Ron didn't know if they were harmless or a greater threat.
"No, we're not," the first one replied.
"Yeah, uh, well, I'm Ron, Ron Stoppable," he thought.
"We know," the being offered, not saying how he knew. "I'm Scamper …"
"And I'm Bitey," the second added.
"Huh? Don't play me."
"Our names are unpronounceable by your species and since we like TV Trash Heap …"
"Wait, you guys watch TV?"
The two aliens looked at one another. "Well, we are able to monitor all transmissions on this planet," Scamper said.
Bitey, seeing a look of what appeared to be disbelief on Ron's face observed, "We saw the broadcast of the football game between Llenrock and Go City. You were very impressive."
"Huh," Ron said, now completely at a loss as to how two naked, imprisoned aliens could do what they were obviously doing. He knew this random chitchat would drive Kim crazy and she would try to figure out what was going on. Following her example, he asked, "So, you two know where we are?"
"Area 52," Frick answered.
"Uh, I may not be a master of geography, but I thought it was Area 51?" Ron replied.
"It was," Frick said. "But you do remember that battle between the giant canine and rodent?"
"Yeah …" As much as he'd like, he couldn't forget the event that led to his mortifying film debut in "Ron's Big Day" at the Tri-City Film Festival.
"Well, your military decided that since Area 51 had been compromised, a new secret facility would be built."
"And while I may be the master of the Gentleman's C, even I know that being here is not a good thing."
"Oh, it could be worse."
"Really. But we'll get to that later."
"Man, I'm not liking this," Ron thought. "So, uh, how are we doing this mind-talk thingie?"
"You may have heard that you only use about 10 percent of your brain?"
"Was that a shot?"
Though the aliens had no pupils or irises that he could detect and there was little lighting in the room, Ron was sure that Scamper rolled his eyes. "No. And it's not true. But you and every human are inefficient users of your cerebral resources."
"Uh, yeah, if Rufus were here, he wouldn't know what you're talking about …"
Now Ron was sure the alien was rolling his eyes.
"Actually, he would. He is a very efficient user of his brain power."
"What Scamper means is that you only use a little bit of your brains. Some humans, like Wade Load or your Sensei, use more of their capacity, but even then it's only a fraction of what they could do."
Ron was about to ask how Scamper and Bitey knew about Kim's tech wizard or his ninja master but realized that they were plugged-in in a way that would have filled Wade with envy. "So you're saying right now I'm using part of my brain that's been sitting around marinating?"
"Oh, no. You've been using all of your brain, but most of it has been, well, acting as a back office. You have been able to unlock this potential thanks to your mystical monkey powers."
"Whoa," Ron thought. Then his eyes opened wide as he had a realization. "Badical. Then astral projection is a brain thing!"
"Yes," Bitey said.
"So this is what Sensei meant when he said I was ready!" Ron enthused. "I bet I'll be able to talk to KP! This is badical!"
The two aliens looked at one another, then at their human companion. "Remember, Ron. With great power …"
Ron interjected, "Comes great responsibility. Yeah, yeah, I get it. But I gotta tell Kim what's going on. She needs to know!"
"Then we will let you communicate with her and we will talk more later."
VI.
"So the charges against you are false?"
"Of course they are! A ray gun that can disable someone? Yeah, right! Kim Possible was stumbling around campus because she was blotto after I rejected her advances and then she came up with this cockamamie story to blame me. End of story. If anyone should be doing time, it's her."
"Well, there you have it," Lynn Accurate said into the camera. "The real story about Kim Possible, supposed hero and party girl, and Ron Stoppable, her gullible chump."
The interview ended and Lynn smiled at her handiwork. "Not bad, not bad at all." Then she looked up at her colleague. "I think we're ready to stream."
She knew that Troy had just lied through his teeth but that would be enough to advance, or more honestly, reboot, her career. She wasn't interested in finding the truth, just in creating a competing narrative. She had no doubt that this was an effective way to create questions and doubts in the mind of the public.
VII.
Tim Morel gaped at the sight before him. Materializing out of thin air was a banana-shaped aircraft. He didn't know which was more shocking: the way the plane appeared out of nothing or its ludicrous shape. However, given that the one conjuring it was Monkey Fist, he thought it best not to say anything.
Monkey Fist grinned at the airplane, then looked at his manservant with less enthusiasm. "Come, boy, it is time for us to go."
"What? Where?" Tim asked, thinking that being seen in public in his butler's outfit was going to be unfortunate — though not as bad as the fate that had befallen his aunt, who stood nearby in petrified silence.
"To get reinforcements," he said. "And then to pay a visit or two."
VIII.
Kim lay down on the bunk and quickly fell sleep. Soon, though, she woke up, sensing she wasn't alone. She slowly opened her eyes — and then sat up, stunned by what she saw: her Ron standing in just his boxers.
Her first thought was of how wacked the situation was. Then she remembered she was dealing with her never-be-normal BFBF. And, though she'd never admit this to her father, she liked seeing her guy wearing nothing but his boxers.
"Ron? How…?" She asked as she rose. She then quickly moved to embrace him, but much to her frustration, felt her arms pass through thin air.
He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, KP, I'm all about the hugging but I'm still getting the hang of this ..."
"This is so the drama …" she said.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he replied, "Yeah, it is. It's kind of a long story …"
To Be Continued …