Broken
Chapter Two
Jade enters Sikowitz's class about ten minutes late the next day, sitting down in an empty seat in front where she usually stays. Sikowitz merely continues the lesson, not commenting on her tardiness. The door swings open once again as Tori enters. She takes a look around the available seats, seeing two open: one by Jade and the other in the back. She opts out for the latter, setting her bag down and listening to the eccentric teacher.
This doesn't go unnoticed by the goth, however. There have been plenty of instances where Tori has gone out of her way to sit next to Jade in and out of class, more than likely due to strange desperation that everyone has yet to comprehend, even Tori.
Jade steals glances every now and then, wondering if she's still annoyed by the whole ordeal yesterday. "You keep looking back there as if someone is to come here and rob everyone," Sikowitz observes, crossing his arms as he stops the lesson. "I would advise you to stop." He stares at Jade, his eyes rather cold, eve harsh, lacking amusement and light that he has. Yet it seems to be directed to her and her alone.
"Did she tell you?" Jade inquires. "Seems a rather personal subject to tell a teacher about."
"It's an appropriate subject," he replies curtly. "If she feels in danger or threatened in any way, shape or form, it is expected of her to tell a teacher she trusts to work out the problem and I believe that this is the only class she has with you."
Jade scoffs now. "It's not that big of a deal."
Sikowitz sits down on the stage stairs, sighing. "It is. After she told me, I am obligated to tell both the principal and the school counselor. You could have gotten suspended but they left it up to Tori. She said to leave it alone. That would have been an out of school suspension and would have went on your high school transcript and all colleges that you would apply to would see it… But this is to make you learn your lesson. If you continue to think it's a small ordeal, I will go to the principal and I will suspend you. I'm not a serious person, Jade. I let students get away with a lot. I let you get away with a lot. But I draw the line here. Continue acting this way. Go ahead. It will not end up well for you." He jumps up now, clapping his hands as he returns to his cheerful disposition. "Back to the lesson at hand," he exclaims, beginning his lecture again.
Jade watches as he returns to the lesson as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. None of it makes sense. When has Sikowitz taken anything seriously? If he's so adamant to report her, he would have done so long before Tori was even attending the school.
"You seem bewildered," Sikowitz notes, almost staring down the goth. Jade stammers, almost embarrassed to reply, still not understanding anything that's unraveling. Sikowitz studies her before sighing. "See me after class, then," he says conclusively, leaving no room for any form of argument before resuming the lesson yet a second time.
Upon the bell ringing, Sikowitz dismisses the class, stopping both Jade and Tori. He closes the door behind them before sitting down on the stage. "Is this because of the role that I have given you two?" he inquires, although it's apparent that he knows well the reason. "Of course it is. Why did I even ask that?" he mutters, giving a small chuckle. "Jade, you're more upset about this than anything else that's occurred. Even with a simple kissing scene?"
Jade says nothing, trying to articulate a response fitting without getting herself into more trouble. "I want you to be honest," Sikowitz says, seeing the troubled expression even if it's hidden well.
"I don't get it," Jade responds, sighing out of exasperation. "I don't get any of it. Why now? Why so suddenly? Out of all the times, everything I've done, what makes it so different this time around?"
"Because of what you said… With Tori's history." The teacher falters, looking over at Tori for permission who gives a nod. Just a nod. "Tori has been hospitalized before in a mental ward and in a hospital… Three times. All for suicide attempts. The most recent has been over the summer. She overdosed on prescription medicine that was given to help with her depression. She… hides it very well. I unfortunately never knew… Never suspected… Never thought that it would be a case so severe… I thought, in some regard, even though something told me otherwise, that everything was genuine with her for it certainly seemed that way." Sikowitz pauses now, growing silent as he clasps his hands in front of him, his expression becoming solemn.
"I'm not personally experienced with suicide or suicidal thoughts or any of the like. I've never personally dealt with it, had to fight against such horrid, intrusive thoughts. I've never specialized in it but I'm aware of the warning signs. I've known them. I've recognized them. They come in all forms. No one can hide their sadness as much as they want to. No one can combat it. Not even the most skillful of actors. I saw the warning signs in Tori. I saw them, but I never said anything. The topic is harsh, the topic is rough, the topic is even taboo in most of America. Mental illness is not taken as seriously as we believe that it is. It is hard to help people who desperately need it. It is getting better, though. Don't think otherwise. Much better. We have more resources in and out of school but there are holes in the system. There are things that, when finally inspected, appear so, so very obvious when brought into light but when we see them first hand, we recognize nothing out of the ordinary, and because of that, we don't know a breaking point. We don't know what those people have went through. We don't know how far down the road they are and there's no u-turns down the road. We can guide them all we want, try to get them to turn back around, even drag them ourselves but once driven down, on an empty tank of gas, once that gas runs out… That's the end of the journey." Sikowitz gives a sad chuckle now. "Excuse my horrendous analogy. But it's the best I got… I've been talking with the English teacher for too long.
"But my point still stands, Jade. It stands tall. It stands clear. Tori's life, from your words, was consequently in danger. It still might be. We don't need to fuel this fire of self-loathing and self-resentment more. We do not need to give her a reason to go overboard. Three times… It might not seem a lot, truly, but it is. A fourth time could be fatal. It could be the defining moment in her life, in your life, in everyone's lives who are for her.
"There are no people to blame if this happens, Jade. There are too many factors. Someone who told someone to kill themselves cannot be charged with murder. But they could be the defining moment. Yet we cannot put blame on the victim either. We can stop the factors that lead up to it. Limit them, at the very least, which is why I'm very careful and adamant in saying this. Do not be a factor in Tori's actions. Do not be in that suicide not. Do not be one of the last thoughts that run through her head before she pulls that trigger or runs that blade into her skin or downs that bottle of pills. Do not be it… It is my job, my responsibility, to ensure that you won't be it and I will take that job very seriously." His eyes harden and he finishes his speech, staring at Jade dead in the eyes, showing his seriousness, his finality.
They both know. They both see it. This is something he will keep, that he will not surrender on. "Why enforce it now?" Jade inquires after a few moments of silence.
"Because compared to you and your physical actions, we can separate you from Tori, from anyone for that matter. But we cannot separate Tori from herself. It would be difficult, perhaps impossible without constant supervision and aid. And we would want that to be, well, unnecessary in the long run. But if it is necessary now, then so be it. I will ensure that Tori is safe and I will take any and all precautions." He doesn't break his gaze from Jade's. "Do you understand?"
The goth just nods now, not responding other than that. But the nod is sincere, conveying far more emotions and understanding than words shall ever hope to replicate. Sikowitz stands, heading over to his podium that he barely stands at, writing down passes for both Jade and Tori. He hands them their respective one. He gives Tori a small, almost sad, smile before giving a final nod to Jade who merely leaves at that, feeling a rather foreign guilt settle in her chest.
Suicide is not an alien topic to her. Suicide is quite familiar, an old lover even. A toxic lover that comes and goes, that haunts her dreams and influences her life and decisions. She's thought of ending her own life before but has never actually thought of doing it to another person despite what people might surmise. Not even Tori. She knows how delicate the topic is. She understands it just fine. She's lived through it. She's survived it yet something tells her still that she's not out of the woods quite yet, that it's in the back of her mind, slowly chipping away at her sanity, yet she never thought she'd externalize that fear in such a drastic way. She never thought that she'd use it against someone when it has already been used on herself by her own hand. Has she really stooped that low? Has she really lost all self-respect?
She can fix it now, though. Jade can take this time to talk to Tori. So, she tries to. Jade grabs her arm when they both head into the hallway. They are supposed to go their separate ways for their respective classes are at opposite sides of the school. Tori instinctively flinches, expecting to be dragged into the janitor's closet yet Jade lets go almost immediately after the flinch. "Vega, I want to talk to you," Jade speaks, her voice low, attempting to be gentle, yet it's translated as dangerous to the half-Latina.
"N-no," Tori responds, her voice wavering. She doesn't even look at jade, shaking her head. "No," she says with finality, picking up the pace and leaving Jade standing alone in the corridor.
"Are you surprised?" Beck inquires, Jade whipping around out of shock that someone is there. She lets out a breath before shaking her head, then nodding, then shaking her head once more. "You don't know what to say," he almost muses, watching her with a form of almost sick satisfaction over what's occurring. But Jade knows otherwise. She understands that he's happy, perhaps relived even, that she's getting what she finally deserves. After months of horrid treatment towards the singer, finally, finally it seems to have come to an end. An abrupt and perhaps even an unsatisfying conclusion, but one nevertheless.
"… No, I guess I don't," Jade agrees with a straight face, clutching onto her bag strap rather tightly, as if it's the only anchor grounding her to this world.
"How long did you think that you could get away with it? Get away with abusing her? Without any form of karma? You think that this is a simple fix, that maybe you can somehow make it up to her?" Beck shrugs. "I have yet to forgive you of what you've done to me when we were dating… and it's not nearly as extensive as everything you've done to her. She might be innocent, she might be naïve, but she's beginning to recognize the fact that she has to stand up for herself."
"Why are you talking in riddles?! Why are you all talking like you're better than me?!" Jade demands, growing tired of the continuous lecturing that she had heard throughout the morning, not even day. It's only been one period. Jade shakes her head. "Just… just fuck off!" she snaps before shoving past Beck and running out of the school.
"You can't run forever, Jade. You've never been able to!" Beck calls out after her before going back inside.
The goth enters the car, breathing heavily as panic sets into her veins. Panic. Out of all emotions? Out of everything? Why should she be panicking? There's nothing to panic about. Don't be in that suicide note. Don't be one of the last thoughts that run through her head. The reiteration burns deep inside as she hears him talk. "Get out," she mumbles to herself, holding her head. "Get out of my head! Get out! Why are you doing this?!" She screams until her voice is raw, only hearing the words that seem to mock her, teasing her, taunting, tormenting.
She jolts suddenly when there's a tap on the glass and she looks over, rolling down the window. It's Lane. He says nothing, just gesturing for her to unlock the door. She does and gets out of the car, following him in utter silence, not knowing what he's going to say, not knowing what other lecture she is to receive for today. This has to be some form of a new record, right? At least for her.
"You'll be excused for the rest of your classes today," he says as they enter his eccentric office. "Please. Take a seat." He sits on the regular chair, emphasizing seriousness in the conversation they are to have. He places down an unopened bottle of water in front of Jade as well as a box of tissues, causing the goth to arch an eyebrow.
"Do you think that this conversation will be emotional?" she inquires.
"… Perhaps. Perhaps not. I don't know which way that this particular conversation will go but I'm glad I grabbed you when I did. Sikowitz told me about what you said and-."
"Of course he did," Jade interrupts curtly, crossing her arms over her chest. "It seems like the whole school knows about it."
"Let me speak, Jade," Lane says rather sternly. "I'm certain Sikowitz already gave you a lecture about this, due to the seriousness of it all… Almost… Dire. But I'm not concerned about what happened. I already got the story from both Sikowitz and Tori and I got the security camera footage right here." He places down a small SD card on the coffee table in front of them, the date reading the previous day. "It captures everything that occurred in the classroom. I didn't have a doubt about what happened. I say that as neither good nor bad but I just needed the footage just in case anything were to escalate. Just in case Tori was to do anything."
"For the love of God! Tori Vega isn't going to do anything! Happy go lucky sunshine and rainbows isn't going to do shit!" Jade snaps, losing her patience once and for all. "Do you really think that she is?! She's literally the happiest person in this school aside from Cat but Cat isn't fully there! You know that! I know that! Tori isn't going to do anything! After all the shit I've given her, why would this push her over the edge?! Is she more afraid of herself than me?! Does she really think we're going to believe her?! Out of everyone, do you think that she, out of all people, will willingly do something to herself?! I-!"
"Enough!" It's now Lane's turn to cut Jade in her tracks. "You don't have any right to assume anything so personal, especially since Tori is not here to defend herself or speak up for her own behalf. Jade West. This is not something that you can be certain of. You don't know what's going on in her head. You don't know her emotions. You don't know her actions, her past, or anything other than what she tells us or you. We have her medical history!" He slaps down a large stack of papers, three different dates on three different packets all from the same hospital, all for the same reason. "Read the admittance reason." He leans forward, looking at her dead center. "Read it, Jade. Tell me why she was hospitalized in the first packet."
"… Suicide attempt," she reads weakly.
"The next packet."
"Suicide attempt."
"The last one."
She doesn't respond.
"Read it, Jade."
"… Suicide attempt," she finishes.
"She has a history, Jade. That history is hers and whether or not you decide to accept that doesn't matter to me or anyone else but when your actions are a result of your decision, when your actions become malicious because of that, then that's when people have to step in an tell you to stop. But regardless of it being real or not, which is very obviously real, you don't have the right to tell anyone to kill themselves."
"Are we done here?"
"Why'd you tell her?"
"Are we done here?!" Jade stands up now, getting ready to leave.
"No, we're not. Not until I get to the bottom of this."
"I was angry that I had to do another stupid play with her and kiss her this time around! That's all the reasoning to my outburst! That's all! Nothing more, nothing less! There! You have your answer! You got to the bottom of it! Now I'm going home!"
"You go home and I get you suspended. The principal agreed to withhold your suspension on account that you will talk with me and I got the answer that I'm satisfied with. That answer was not it. That answer was petty and was not sufficient enough. You know that it wasn't. I know that it wasn't. So sit back down."
Jade scoffs, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "You're blackmailing me!" she accuses.
"No. I'm telling you what's going to happen. There is no threat behind whether or not I'm going to do it. I am going to do it. It's in the student code of conduct. You either do this therapy session or whatever you want to call it or you get suspended. Tori gave you the option of getting this chance. Don't let it go to waste."
"Vega is not a fucking saint that everyone's trying to make her out to be! She's not doing this selfless thing! She just wants to make herself look good and make me look like shit!"
"Is that what you believe?" Lane asks, sitting back down now that he realizes that they're starting to get somewhere. However, it seems that Jade is far too heated to realize what's playing out right now.
"She thinks that she's this martyr! She thinks that the whole fucking high school revolves around her because it does! Every single moment, every single day, ever since she came to this school, people have been bending over backwards for her! I've always been in the wrong! I've always been the bad guy to her! Tori this! Tori that! She gets the leads in plays! She gets her mainstage with the songs! She gets everything and I'm left with nothing! Nothing! Everything has gone to shit since she came! And I make one measly little sentence, one little fucking statement, and everyone's acting like I fucking beat her to death or raped her or, or came here threatening to blow up the school! I didn't! I said something on instinct because I'm tired of her! I'm tired of everything about her! Everything! Every single fucking thing!"
Lane merely watching, allowing her to rant and ramble. He notices the tears streaming down her face before she does and hands her the box of tissues. She scowls as the gesture before taking a tissue, wiping her eyes. Sighing, she plumps down on the couch, shaking her head as she leans against her hands, her elbows on her knees as her body trembles. Out of anger, out of sadness, out of guilt, she's unsure. Perhaps a simple combination of the three and far more emotions than she will ever allow herself to admit to feeling, not even recognizing them herself. "Why is this such a big deal? People have told others to kill themselves plenty," she whispers as she regains control of her body.
"They don't report it. For reasons that they have of their own. But once reported, we have to do something about it. Tori reported this incident. We have to take the necessary steps in it. Well, I wouldn't even say that she reported it herself. Her friends did it for her, said that they were worried with how upset she became. We've been watching her closely so I suppose that you're not the only one we've been annoying." He chuckles dryly. "If it wasn't reported, we wouldn't have anything to do with it. Not that we ignore the sayings in the school, just that… we're more concerned about the effects of it and Tori has many friends who are worried about her well-being.
"But you're not the bad guy in this story, Jade. I don't know what to call you and I'm hesitant to even label you in this scenario. In any scenario for that matter. But I think that it would be in your best interests to apologize."
"I tried to," Jade returns. "She didn't want to listen."
"How'd you go about it?"
Jade hesitates now, turning slightly pink out of embarrassment when realizing that it wasn't the best approach. "… I grabbed her arm and said that I wanted to talk with her. She yanked it away and ran off to her class."
Lane sucks in his lips at that before grabbing the intercom microphone in his room. "Tori Vega to the guidance counselor's office. Tori Vega to the guidance counselor's office. Thank you," he says into the microphone, leaning back in his chair as he waits. He raises a hand to stop Jade from leaving when the door opens, noticing that Tori has turned exceptionally pallid when she opens the door and sees whos' there with him. "Tori, please. Take a seat. You don't have to take one next to Jade. You can take the hanging chair."
Tori says nothing, walking past Jade in silence and setting down her bag as she sits on an armchair, her throat tightening, wanting nothing more than to just disappear.
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