SHADOW OF DEATH
Chapter 13: Thanksgiving
Jane sat at the table of a small restaurant in Santa Fe with a companion. She fiddled with her fork instead of eating the meal placed before her. Her companion listened, asked questions, told stories and succeeded in making the scientist laugh.
Loki had arrived in Puente Antiguo a day earlier to investigate the progress of Jane's efforts. He came (without her knowledge) and watched as she flitted between data charts, star charts, and computer programs like a hummingbird taking nectar from its flowers. Her eyes stayed focused on her material as she barely took time to eat or rest. He could not doubt her enthusiasm or work ethic. He could doubt the capacity of this blasted realm to aid her efforts.
Late that night, he poured over all her plans, research, and data while she slept. While her progress was no doubt impressive by Midgardian standards, it was nowhere near impressive enough to ease his sense of foreboding. As much as he loathed the idea of it, they would need to work together if they would have any hope of succeeding before Thanos.
He decided he would call upon her in the morning. Unfortunately, the Norns, of late, took amusement in baffling his well-laid plans. Before dawn broke, the scientist flew out of her door and barreled into her car, shoes in her hands and jacket pulled over the clothes she slept in. The roar of her rickety beast of a car shook the ground and she disappeared down the dusty roads of the desert town. Loki barely managed to hide himself in the back seat in time to accompany her on her journey.
He could not fathom her hurry as she drove three quarters of an hour through the desert to reach the nearby city. She ordered coffee and a bag of something that smelled like eggs from a machinated voice at a restaurant window before she parked her car and began her quest by foot. Till midday, she visited stores, offices, junkyards, and businesses. She gathered bits of technology, chemical compounds, thick books, and boxes full of materials. He assumed she felt these all would prove useful to her task, but he could not fathom why she gathered some of the materials she did. All the while, he caught her mumbling calculations and narrations of her tasks to herself under her breath. From time-to-time, she paused to roll up her plaid sleeve to read through a list written on the back of her hand and overflowing onto her wrist and forearm.
The desert sun blared down upon them before she took a reprieve. Loki had just decided to leave the woman to her dizzying quest when he saw her pull up to a small restaurant with a flashing yellow bull on its signpost and letters that spelled "tacos" beneath. At the door, a younger woman greeted Jane with a warm, lip-sticked smile and a shrill shriek.
Loki, unsure whether prompted more by his desire to escape tedium or the word "churros" written on the window, decided he would join them. He disguised himself in casual clothes and the face of the Voldstaadt in his youth and sat at a table nearby the two women. He refused the waitress' attempt to show him a menu and instead ordered a dozen churros. He settled in to partake of his meal and shamelessly eavesdrop.
The topics proved mundane at first. They discussed studies and Midgardian cultural storytelling. Her companion, Darcy, proved a deft conversationalist and carefully swerved the conversation away from cheerful banter and into an investigation of Jane's emotional status and well-being. Loki nearly lost interest until the topic turned to Thor. In past seasons of his life, he would be disgusted to hear their fawning over his brother. But now, after so many months on Midgard, he drank it in with an enthusiasm he would be loathe to admit even to himself.
"So, you've seen him?" Darcy prompted.
"Yeah. A few times."
"And?"
"I don't know, Darcy," Jane said with a slight huff. "He's different now than he used to be. I think he's overwhelmed-you know, with grief, with getting stuck here, with everything. He's not the same as he used to be. He's moodier, more distant, more aloof. He avoids me like the plague but he kinda needs me so he talks to me when he can't avoid me anymore."
"That sucks," Darcy said.
"Yeah. It does. I mean, I kinda figured. Nothing says 'I'm not that into you' like disappearing without a trace for two years. But I'm a little dense sometimes, I guess."
"You're not dense," Darcy began and stopped mid-sentence. "I take it back. You are totally super dense. But what I mean is that in this particular instance, you aren't. He was hot and he literally fell from heaven and into your life. Jane, then he spoke to you of the stars and other galaxies. You'd fall for a man as attractive as a poodle if he batted his eyes at you and spoke star-lore and science with you all night. That's, like, your love language or something.
"But add to it that you then raided a government facility, got attacked by a giant robot, and he saved your life by giving his own. Then he flew…I repeat, he flew…back into the stars. Jane, any girl would have fallen head over heels for a guy in those circumstances. Especially you with where you were at then. You'd just gone through a nasty break up with a total jerk. You were stuck in the middle of a desert with no one but Erik and me and the cowboy drunks at the bar as company. Yeah, you were ripe for the taking and all he had to do was blow a kiss and you'd have followed him to the moon and back."
"Darcy, you're making me sound super lame," Jane complained.
"No, simply human. Jane, you kinda suck at social interactions and getting out of your bubble and making any attempts at normality."
"Not helping."
"No, no, hear me out. What I mean-is don't be too hard on yourself. Your thing for Thor-totally normal. Actually, I was pretty relieved to see you acting like a normal, hot-blooded woman. If you hadn't fallen for him, I'd have thought something was wrong with you."
"But it wasn't real!" Jane said, exasperated. "I didn't really know him, he didn't really know me. It was lust and excitement and novelty, but it wasn't love."
"Maybe not. But that doesn't mean it wasn't important to you and meaningful to you. And it doesn't mean you wouldn't do it all over again in a heartbeat."
"Yeah. I guess. I think I was just a little disappointed. I built him up too much in my head and so badly wanted us to continue where we had left off. Like you said, he was too perfect. So, now it's fixed. He's still pretty perfect except for the whole 'not being into me' thing. I just feel stupid, but I'll be fine."
"Meh. Hardly perfect, cause really, who is? Besides, it's for the best. I mean, I've heard cross-cultural relationships are tough-but cross-species? Dude, I don't even want to think about the levels of weirdness that could entail. I mean, maybe his kind, like, lay eggs or glow in the dark or turn green when it rains or something. And talk about distance! Hah, girl, you are way better off sticking with a measly, hammerless mortal!"
Jane laughed. "You're right. You're right. Back to reality…and nerdy science geeks with their disheveled hair and jeans that don't fit…."
Darcy interrupted her. "No, no, no! You can do better than that, Dr. Foster. Don't settle. You settled with that last loser you dated and I'm going to knock you upside the head if you do it again."
"He was safe," Jane said.
"No, he was lame…and he left his socks in the refrigerator."
"Only when he was distracted by medical journals," Jane said, breaking into a laugh.
"Who does that? No, Jane. That should have been a red flag right there."
"Ah, I've missed you, Darcy," Jane said, laughing and taking Darcy's hand.
"You too, Doc," Darcy replied with a wide grin. "I might apply for another internship with you in a year or so when I catch up on my classes. I think I got more social science exposure through watching people around the lab in Puente Antiguo than in two years of Poly Sci classes."
"I'd love that," Jane said.
"Me too," Darcy said and pushed her glasses farther up her nose. "How's it been, you know, at the lab?"
"Good…," Jane began till she caught the look in Darcy's eyes. "Fine, fine, it's been awful. I'm a train wreck, Dar. With Erik gone and you gone and everything else that's gone on, I'm so hyper aware of my isolation there. I mean, even a lot of Puente Antiguo hasn't fully returned or been rebuilt. I can go days without a conversation with anyone except Mrs. Jiménez."
"Aw! I miss her. Tell her I will be coming soon so she can continue my knitting lessons. But SHIELD has got you busy now, right?"
"No!" Jane said vehemently. "I am not working for SHIELD. I am helping Thor out to get home, but that's it."
"Uh huh. And Thor happens to work for SHEILD and pays you with SHIELD money," Darcy said.
"Well, a girl's gotta eat," Jane replied halfheartedly as she twirled her fork again. "I've tried. I've really tried to find some other positions. A few universities were interested before, well, everything fell apart. Now, it seems like most are skittish about the future and a hiring freeze is plaguing everyone. All my colleagues I've talked to have said the same. The global economy is such a mess that no one is sure what next year or the one after will be like."
"Can you go work somewhere else? You know, a spot with less memories and more people and more to do?"
"I might. I was thinking about going back to L.A. or something, but I don't know. It's still pretty messy there, too. Then I thought about Hawaii but I didn't want to get stranded there in case there's another attack on the airports."
"I hear ya. Isolated islands in the middle of the Pacific who depend on spam for protein probably are to be avoided for awhile. Seriously, though, you're always welcome at my mom's here in Santa Fe. We've got a spare bedroom and she makes great muffins and would love someone to watch the Bachelor with."
"Thanks, Dar. I appreciate. I might…especially, ummm," Jane trailed off and bit her lip in hesitation.
"Spit it out," Darcy said. She leaned her chin on her hands and leaned closer to Jane to impel her to speak.
"The holidays. Can I come for the holidays? The last few years, I went to Sweden with Erik…I don't think I could manage it…," she said and stopped abruptly before she fell into tears.
Darcy cut her off before she could continue. "Enough said, Boss Lady. You'll love the holidays at the Lewis house…let me tell you, it's the best! Last year, my aunt brought her pet squirrels for Christmas and my uncle tried to blow up the garage. You'll fit right in!"
"They won't mind?"
"Mind? Heck no! My thirteen-year-old brother will immediately fall in love with you and ask you to play Minecraft with him. My dad will beexcited to have a fresh audience for his terrible jokes. My mom will make sure you've eaten enough for three people and try to marry you off to my cousin Billy. Grandpa Jim won't remember he's met you so you can impress him every day with all your science jargon. It'll be the best!"
Jane threw her arms around Darcy. "Thank you!" she whispered.
Loki groaned. He knew what holidays meant on Asgard-revels, feasts, and extended periods of time away from one's regular duties. He made a mental note to look into the timing and traditions of whatever Midgardian celebrations would soon descend upon him to disorganize his schedule. He finished off another order of churros before the women said their farewells and made plans to meet again in another two weeks. He would give Jane a few gentle hints in the morning to set her research in the appropriate directions and then take the next few weeks to plan and prepare.
"Come in here and meet everyone," Mrs. Johnson said and pulled Loki through a small hallway and into an orange and cream-colored kitchen. The small room overflowed with bodies and dishes and pans and chairs and cheerful chaos. The air hung heavy with roasting game and baking pastries.
"Hey! Here he is! Meet the nice young man I told you about! This is Lucas. He's the one that built that beautiful greenhouse for me in my garden at home. Now my flowers can grow all year! Isn't he a dear? Lucas, meet my brother-in-law, Mark. His wife, Sandy. Those are their three children over there-Olivia, Landon, and Grace. Here's Sandy's sister and her husband and their baby, Liam. My mother-in-law will be over in a bit and so will her sister, Aunty Eleanor," Mrs. Johnson said in a rush. She barely took time to breath between sentences as she introduced him to person after person.
"Now, here's someone that you really must meet," she continued. Her face almost glowed with her happiness and the fluster of activity in the hot room. She pulled a strand of peppered hair behind her ear and rubbed her hands on her floral dress. "This is José."
A tall, gangly boy caught somewhere between boyhood and manhood politely shook Loki's hand.
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Lucas," he said.
Mrs. Johnson beamed. "I ran into him a few months ago at the memorial. He was my son's best friend for most of his childhood. They grew up causing all kinds of mischief together. Well, we were catching up together and I found out that he lost all his family, the same as I lost mine. We decided to make an arrangement. We can never replace what we've lost, but we can make the best of what we've got and make something new. He's no longer stuck in one of those mass emergency government facilities that's overflowing with new orphans and I'm no longer stuck by myself all the time. He's been helping me in my garden lately."
The boy gave a shy smile and Mrs. Johnson gave him a quick hug and ruffled his dark hair.
"I'm glad to hear it," Loki said.
"Speaking of which, you have to come see my tomatoes! That greenhouse is a miracle worker! I've never seen so many tomatoes!" she said happily.
Loki grinned. She didn't need to know about the magic imbued in the soil or within the foundations of the greenhouse to ensure she always saw a plentiful harvest in her garden. It had taken him a full week to complete, but the overwhelming joy on her face when she saw it proved more than compensation for his efforts.
Of late, Loki, in honor of Thor, tried to do something very "Thor-like" on Thursdays. Whether a valiant rescue, charitable and audacious venture, or giving the cure to some Midgardian ailment long since considered incurable, he chose a different mission each Thursday morning and ended the day with a new token at the memorial site at nightfall.
However, that was only on Thursdays. Wednesdays, or Odin's days, he committed to politics and rebuilding Midgardian infrastructure. He really disliked Wednesdays. (Unfortunately, Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays tended to look a lot like Wednesdays most of the time. He disliked those days almost as much as he disliked Wednesdays.)
Sundays were Loki's day. He used his Sundays to do as he pleased. Whether to build a greenhouse for Mrs. Johnson, play tricks on the SHIELD agents, or simply sleep the entire day, they were his days. Some Sundays, he spent his time telling stories to Mjolnir about the adventures of his week. Other days, he wandered Midgard looking for churros. A few times, he lost himself for all the daylight hours in a library or museum.
Occasionally, he found amusement in creating mischief for Jane Foster. The bewildered expression on her face made him readily plot his next. His interference with a songbird one week made the bird sing recognizable Midgardian tunes and proved the only distraction successful in derailing Jane Foster from her research for any length of time. The bird did not fit into any of her scientific frameworks and so she felt entirely compelled to figure it out and could not focus on anything else while the mystery remained. She lost half a day of research but her intense curiosity to discover why the bird was behaving as it was proved well-worth the loss of her focus.
Some Sundays, Loki visited with Mrs. Johnson in her greenhouse and they had their own, what Mrs. Johnson called, "family dinners" together. On those evenings, instead of telling their stories to ghosts of those they had once loved, they shared a meal and told stories to each other. Mrs. Johnson told him all about her latest books and the antics of her brother-in-law's ill-trained dog. He told her all about the "cat" who had adopted him and his failed efforts to free himself from Goose.
It was on one of these evenings that Mrs. Johnson invited him to their family Thanksgiving.
"What do you mean you don't have any plans? Don't be absurd! You are coming to join us! No one should be alone on Thanksgiving, especially not this year. No, don't even start with all your b.s. excuses. You are coming," she commanded.
Thus, Loki arrived on the doorstep of the Newark town home with a loaf of bread and a bottle of Midgardian mead in hand.
It was a boisterous feast, overflowing with what they called their "traditional foods," revels, and story-telling. The small dining room could not handle so many people and so they poured over into the sitting room and onto the chilly courtyard behind the house. Children rushed between adult legs, giggling and with hands stuffed with sweets. Neighbors and relatives came and went as the evening wore on.
"It is our tradition to say what we are thankful for before the meal," Mark, the owner of the home, said as they all gathered together before they partook of the main courses. "This year is a different year for all of us. We can all be thankful that we are here together."
Mark stopped his speech with a choke and tears began to pool under his eyes. His wife rushed over to him with a handkerchief and took his hand in hers. His eyes were not the only to grow moist.
"I'm thankful you all are here with me," he finally continued. "I just wish there were a few more of us still here. In honor of my brother, my nieces and nephew, and so many others, I propose a toast to their memory. Our hearts are sore without you here."
Glasses filled with wine and mead and apple cider clinked around the room, joining with gentled sniffles and whispers of "here, here."
"I propose a toast as well," Mrs. Johnson said, and glanced towards Loki and Jose. "To new friends, to new family, and to a new chance at living life to the fullest. May our hearts and homes ever be full, even as we forever miss what has been lost."
"Here, here!"
It was hours later when the last tray of pie and coffee was removed and most of the family members had bid their farewells. Loki sat in the courtyard next to a glowing fire pit, fresh cup of coffee in hand, and listening to Mrs. Johnson tell stories of past holidays with the family. After a particularly humorous account, she stopped and began to tear up again.
"I know that change is inevitable. That still doesn't make it easier," she whispered.
"There is naught among the land of the living that makes death easier, save long-held promises what is next. The soul knows it should be eternal. The body is claimed by mortality. There is no true alleviation for such dissonance," Loki said. He lost himself for a moment in the stories of Valhalla he had heard told from his boyhood.
"I suppose not."
"We have a saying in my home country. For us, death is symbolized as a mighty venomous serpent. To say someone is 'tied under the serpent' is to be in the throngs of grief. This grief is likened to the venom of the snake which is dropped on you little by little. As soon as you feel you may have recovered, another drop falls and causes your heart and soul to writhe anew. The agony can feel so strong that we say it causes the very earth to shake around the person in grief."
"That's apt. It certainly feels like that sometimes," she said and fell into her own thoughts for a moment. "Lucas, your brother is not the first you have lost. I can tell. You bear older sorrow in you. Who else?"
Loki sighed and stared into the golden flames, letting them mesmerize him away from the past and the present for another moment.
"I may look a youth, but I have seen many years. This was not the first of my kin the serpent has stolen from me. And, like you, I know what it is to lose one's beloved and one's children. I have traveled that road twice and I would not wish that pain on my worst enemy."
Mrs. Johnson sighed heavily and took his hand in hers. "I'm sorry," she said. They both fell into silence and continued to watch the flames rise and fall between them.
Over a month later, when dawn broke over the desert in streaks of gold and rose, Loki still slept soundly on the rooftop of Jane's lab. It was not until the sun's rays grew powerful enough to scorch his skin and call sweat from his brow that his eyes first blinked against the bright morning light.
He had fallen asleep staring at the strange Midgardian stars above him that night. He could see so many more here than he could from the cities which now captured most of his time. Lost in the swirls of glittering sparks of light above him, sleep had claimed him more deeply than it had for some time. He woke now feeling more refreshed than he had been for many nights.
He could hear sounds of life beneath him coming from Jane's portable dwelling structure. The metal abode swayed and creaked as her footsteps paced the small distance from one side to the other. She would be preparing for the day, not knowing that he would soon be at her door. He smirked and sent a small waft of magic through her home and lab.
Then he sat to listen. It was not long after that he heard her muffled curses and bumps as she sought her lost shoes in every crevice and storage facility in her small home. He heard her door slam open and she began to meander through her lab. Cupboards and drawers continued to open and close with increasing intensity.
He decided it was now the appropriate time. He disguised himself as Thor and knocked on her door. He heard her muffled voice as she murmured to herself in irritation. It took a second knock before she arrived to answer his summons. She opened the door with a flustered face, bare feet, and two mismatched left shoes in her hands.
"Hey, Thor," she said in a huff as she blew a strand of hair from her face. "Come in, come in! It's good to see you again! Sorry, I can't find my shoes today. It's the weirdest thing. Somehow, when I woke up, all my right shoes are just gone. I can't find them anywhere."
"That is peculiar," Loki responded with a smug grin. He decided he might just stay long enough to see her expression when she discovered all of her right shoes in her refrigerator. She welcomed him inside and he forced himself to maintain his patience as she led them through the obligatory small talk. When he could bear it now longer, he grinned.
"Jane, I have found it."
"Found what?" she asked, a yawn interrupting her words.
"Your power source," he said. "We will need to travel immediately."
"Ummm. Ok. Where are we going?" she asked.
"Wakanda."
"Ummm, yeah, that doesn't help. Where?"
Loki smirked. "Be ready to leave in three days."