Chapter Two

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning my apartment, talking to Rex and getting ready to go over to Morelli's house. At 6:45, I left and arrived at Joe's house 10 minutes later.

I walked into his house and was immediately bowled over by Bob, his enormous orange Golden Retriever. He licked my face and panted happily as he rolled over for me to give him belly rubs.

Joe came into the entryway from the kitchen. "Hey, Cupcake," he greeted as he leaned into me to offer me a soft kiss.

"Hey, yourself. How was your day?" I asked him.

"Another day, another murder. I don't want to talk about that, it's too depressing," he groaned.

He handed me a Pino's meatball sub, grabbed two beers out of the fridge and we sat down on his couch to watch the hockey game between the Rangers and the Colorado Avalanche. During the first intermission, Joe muted the TV, turned to me and said, "Cupcake, I need to talk to you about something."

I turned on the couch to face him. "What's up, Joe? Everything alright?"

"I don't know yet. I got a job offer in Washington, D.C. and I'd like to take it. But I wanted to talk to you about it first," Joe said.

I paused to look in his eyes. "Wow. What's the job?"

"The FBI contacted me a few weeks ago and they've offered me a field agent job in their counterterrorism unit. I'd like you to come with me, but if you do, I'd like it to be with the understanding that we're going to get married and have kids," he told me.

I started. "Are you giving me an ultimatum?" I asked. Ultimatums are a sure-fire way to launch Rhino mode and I suspect this conversation is going to get me extremely pissed very soon.

"No, Cupcake. I just…my life is moving forward, and I want our life together to move forward too," he explained.

"Can I think about it?" I asked him, my temper deflating at the tone in his voice.

Joe sighed. "Cupcake, I'd like to think after three years together, you'd know by now if you wanted to be married and have kids with me."

I bit my bottom lip. After three years together, I did know how I felt about marriage and kids with Joe. And I knew the next few minutes were going to break his heart, and I hated to be the one who did it.

"I'm sorry, Joe," I said slowly. "I can't move with you to D.C."

His gaze held mine. "Is it because you don't want to move, or you don't want to move with me?"

"Both," I whispered.

Joe continued staring at me. "I'm sorry too, Steph. I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do too. But I am sure that kids and that white picket fence lifestyle is not for me. Not now at least, and maybe not ever. I am really happy for your new job opportunity, and I hope you find someone who wants everything you want," I said.

I stood up and moved upstairs to gather the few belongings I kept in Joe's house. It wasn't much – a toothbrush, some deodorant and a few pairs of panties – but I felt my chest tighten with each step. That I was doing the right thing was of little consequence.

I finally descended the stairs and stood a bit awkwardly at the bottom. Joe came over with a plastic shopping bag, and he took my stuff from my hands and dropped it in. He handed me the bag and gave me a sad smile.

"Take care of yourself, Cupcake. I'm leaving in a week to get settled in D.C. before my new job starts the following week after that."

I kissed Joe on the cheek and said, "I'm really sorry it didn't work out, Joe, but I hope you have a good life."

I turned and walked down the sidewalk to my car, got in and drove home.

I alternated between crying and sleeping for the next couple of days. I didn't shower, I didn't bother going to work or even calling in and after two full days of moping, I let out a loud sigh, went into the bathroom and had the hottest shower I'd ever had. After taking care of all the grooming I could possibly fit in before the water turned cold, I stepped out into a towel and blasted my hair with the hairdryer.

I had turned off the ringers on my landline and cell phone when I got home on Monday night, so I figured it was time to face the music and see what the 'Burg grapevine had to say.

"YOU HAVE 85 MISSED CALLS," my answering machine intoned. Holy crap. 32 missed calls from my mother, 38 calls from various residents around the 'Burg who were just looking for gossip, 5 calls each from Connie and Lula, 2 calls from Mary Lou, 1 call from Grandma Mazur, 1 hang up and 1 automated call from the phone company reminding me my account was past due. Sigh. I didn't even look at my cell phone missed calls log and deleted all the voicemails there without listening. I didn't think anything would be different.

I picked up the phone and called my mom.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum, how could you do this? I heard from Angie Morelli that you broke poor Joseph's heart and he's moving all the way to Washington to get over you," she moaned.

"Mom, it wasn't like that. He was moving to D.C. anyway and asked me to go with him, get married and have kids," I informed her.

"Stephanie, what is wrong with that? He's a good man and your last chance to be settled and happy with a family," she said.

I snorted in disgust. "Mom, he may be my last chance to have a family, but I think I might be okay with that. I am definitely not interested in a family right now and maybe not ever."

The conversation only deteriorated after that, so I said my goodbyes quickly and hung up. I made myself a peanut butter and olive sandwich and fed Rex a piece of it. "Rex, you understand, right?" I asked him. Silence. But his whiskers did twitch as he blinked his little beady eyes at me. He gets me, I just know it.

I called Connie, telling her I'd come in the following morning with doughnuts to pick up any new files she had waiting for me. I called Mary Lou, but her boys were running around and it sounded like bedlam in the background, so I told her I'd come over for coffee in the morning after her kids left for school.

The next morning, I stopped by the Tasty Pastry and picked up two boxes of assorted doughnuts and two coffees. I made my way to Mary Lou's house and took the coffees and one of the boxes of doughnuts inside with me.

Mare hugged me, "are you okay? Wanna tell me the real story about what happened with you and Joe? I know the gossip is probably not true."

I shrugged. "Probably not." I continued to tell her what happened the story Joe and I broke up and how I felt about it.

After listening to me spill my guts, she said, "I think this is probably the best thing that could have happened with Joe and you. Neither of you was willing to make a move and decide what came next, so this kind of forced the issue."

"What do you mean?"

"Because neither of you are exactly what the other truly wants. You don't want to get married, have kids and live that 'Burg life, and he doesn't want a wife who is a bounty hunter, doesn't cook and clean and still secretly wants to fly. So by moving away, you can both work on getting what you want. Maybe that Ranger guy?" she smiled.

"Ranger is away right now, I haven't even seen him in two months," I admitted.

"He'll be back, though. And when he is, you can see if there's anything there," she suggested.

"Mare, he doesn't want me for more than sex. He doesn't do relationships. And I can't do casual with him."

"Why not?"

"Because I love him too much, Mare. If he walked away from me… He's done it once and I don't think I'd survive if it happened again," I told her.

"What are you talking about?" Mary Lou asked.

"I had sex with him, and in the morning he was gone as soon as he woke up and later he told me to fix my relationship with Morelli," I explained. "There were a couple of other times since then, but…" I trailed off.

"The other times you knew the score," she nodded.

"Right," I confirmed.

"You know, Steph, what you had with Joe was pretty casual. It was exclusive, but marriage, kids and the rest of it wasn't exactly on the table. Are you sure that's something Ranger can't offer you? Or is it because it's Ranger that you want more?"

I pondered that for a bit. "I don't know. But you've given me some things to think about."

As we finished our coffee, I said goodbye and hugged Mary Lou. "Thanks for the talk, I love you and we'll hang out again soon," I promised. I left the rest of the box of doughnuts for her growing wolverines. Oops. I mean, sons.

I didn't tell Mary Lou this, but there was something else I was thinking of doing in the name of self-improvement. But much like my secret quest to become more fit, and more self-reliant, this was something I wanted to keep to myself, at least at first. I definitely needed to think about it some more.

I drove over to the bonds office and walked in with the second box of doughnuts I had bought that morning. I dropped them on Connie's desk and sat down on the old, cracked vinyl couch with a sigh.

"Hey Steph, you okay? I haven't seen you in a couple of days, were you sick?" Connie asked me with a look of concern on her face. Connie was wearing a black dress with a low-cut scoop neckline and black FMPs. She was currently waving her hand in the air to air dry the latest coat of OPI Big Apple Red nail polish.

"Something like that, Connie," I agreed. "I'm feeling a bit better now."

"Well that's good. Unfortunately, honey, I don't have any files for you right now. All I got are a few for RangeMan."

Shit. So much for a savings account.

"Alright, Connie, thanks. I'm gonna get outta here then." With a wave, I left and headed to my car. I'm in no mood to discuss the current state of my personal life, and if I was still in the office when Lula arrived, she and Connie would hound me to spill any gossip.

I got into the Escape and drove home. As soon as I closed my door, I started stripping off my clothes and dropped them in the hamper. I changed into some fleece pajamas and put my hair up in a ponytail. I flopped onto my bed in my thinking position and made a mental list of everything I wanted, and how to get it. I had been thinking of taking this next step for a while now, but Denial Land has always won out. But recent events have made me rethink how well that's been working for me, and I've come to the conclusion that Denial Land can't be an option anymore.

A/N: There were some things bugging me about this chapter, so I've edited it a bit more.