SHADOW OF DEATH
Chapter 31: Heights
The dense equatorial forest around them was already vanishing in the twilight shadows. The forest was alive with the songs of frogs and insects. From farther away, in the heart of the forest, they could hear the call of an elephant. They had not walked more than a mile towards the border with Wakanda when Loki stopped. He looked up into the canopy of leaves and then glanced around them. Jane did the same, though she could not tell what it was he was looking for.
"What is it?" she asked. "Did you hear something?"
"Of course. Did you not?"
"No. I only sense animals and plants and insects. There are a lot of those, but I don't sense anything human... or human-ish."
"Ah, so your senses are not entirely inept. No, it is not an external source which stays my steps. I was only thinking... it is nearly night and it would take but a moment to rise to the pinnacle of one of the tallest of these trees..."
"You want to go tree climbing?"
He rolled his eyes. "Nay, Lady Jane. If you would refrain from interrupting me long enough for me to finish speaking... you mentioned a wish to see the night sky in this location. I do not see why we could not do so now. Here. We are far from any human settlements and well-protected from sight, even if we rise outside the canopy."
Jane did not wait for him to finish. She grinned and cast Thor's hammer into the foliage on the forest floor to embark on a clumsy attempt at climbing up the nearest limbali tree. Loki watched her struggle until she had slipped and fallen three times. She lay in a heap on the ground with a streak of mud on one arm and leaves tangled in her hair.
"What precisely are you trying to accomplish?" he asked.
"It was your idea."
"First of all, attempting to climb a tree like a giant overgrown rodent was never once mentioned or even implied. Secondly, why by the Norns would you leave your weapon behind?"
"But you said... but it's... ugh, fine. What did you mean, then? Or was this all another plan of yours to mock me?"
"Oh, Jane. I will gladly mock you for this, but I will take no credit for its initiation. This was entirely of your doing," he said. He stretched out a hand to help her to her feet and then pulled a stray leaf out of her hair. His smile was both amused and chiding. "No, I simply meant for us to rise above the treetops and never once expected you to climb on your own power. Or have you forgotten that Mjolnir grants you the capacity to travel upward at will?"
"Oh... oh... I guess it did that. Earlier. I forgot. I guess superhuman strength doesn't really equate to superhuman climbing abilities."
"It can... but unfortunately, not in your case. Have you never learned how to properly scale a tree?"
"It's been a few decades since my last tree climbing incident… and that one ended up with a broken arm."
Loki rolled his eyes. "That is a problem to be left for another time. For now, concern yourself with following my example," he said. He levitated himself up from the ground and began to ascend through the tangles leaves and branches of the canopy overhead without looking back to see if she followed.
"Wait for me!" she called after him. She picked Mjolnir up from the ground, lifted the hammer into the air, and the hammer began to hum and whir with power. While her own senses had picked up more of the forest life than she would have ever dreamed was possible, now with the multiplicative effect of the hammer, it was nearly abuzz with data. She was momentarily stunned in place by the overwhelming amount of sensory information Mjolnir gave her access to. She could sense the okapi grazing from leaves a half mile away. She could count the number of birds singing overhead. She could even sense the temperature of the nearby stream. She knew, if she called to it, she could even make the water leave its path and come to her. For a moment, she was so entranced by the world Mjolnir opened up to her that she nearly forgot why she had picked up the hammer in the first place. Then, she caught the familiar sense of Loki's presence, drifting farther and farther away from her, and she remembered. She focused the power of the hammer again and tried to follow.
At first, she went the wrong direction and crashed into the tree she had tried to climb. On her next attempt, she went the intended direction, only she did not know how to moderate her speed. With a crash of branches and a shower of leaves, she sprinted through the canopy until she realized she did not know how to stop. In a panic, she released the hammer as soon as she cleared the tree line and found herself in the open sky. While this halted her ascent, it did nothing to control her successive freefall back the way she had come. Before she could remember how to call Mjolnir back to her, she felt a pair of arms pluck her from her descent and place her solidly on a tree branch.
When Loki was sure she would not topple off the branch, he released her and nearly doubled over in laughter. It rumbled through his chest and bounced off the canopy and made his every feature take on the appearance of youth.
"You... you... oh, Jane. Even an ostrich could fly more skillfully than you."
"Shut it, Loki. I've never done that before."
"Oh, that was quite obvious."
"You know, instead of making fun of me, you could have given me a few pointers on how to do it right the first time."
"And miss such a spectacle? I would not dream of it!"
Her answering glare and attempt to climb down the tree was enough to subdue his laughter. Before she made it more than half a branch down, he caught her in his arms and clicked his tongue in disapproval.
"Now, Jane. After such a display of your mastery of flight, do you believe I would trust you to descend from this height unaided? Come. You have yet to even glance upwards once, despite your stated desire to see these heavenly lights for yourself."
He leaned against the trunk of the tree behind him. Then, he motioned out across the uninterrupted blanket of leaves to where the first pinpricks of light were just beginning to pierce the darkening sky. She took in a quick intake of breath and forgot about everything else.
The shallow sky was ripe with wisps of clouds and the grey haze of moisture clinging to the horizon on all sides. The last shards of daylight settled on the crowns of the volcanic mountains and transforming them into jagged shadows in the distance. All around her, for as far as she could see, there was nothing but rainforest. Not a single artificial light interrupted the deepening night. Each time she looked up, the sky was darker than it had been only a moment before and more stars joined the night's ensemble. So close to the equator, the stars ceased their circumpolar cycles through the sky. With her enhanced senses, she could see so much farther than even her backyard telescope had enabled her to see and it was not long before she could see the silvery band of the Milky Way overhead.
It might have been hours later, but it felt like moments, before either spoke again. Jane had settled herself on the branch, holding on tight for balance. By the way the branch did not bend or wilt beneath her weight, she suspected Loki had done something to their perch to help her keep her seat. With her enhanced senses, the darkness was no obstacle to sight. He still rested against the trunk of their sheltering tree but he sat with his back against it. He allowed one leg to dangle beneath him while the other rested on the branch and supported his head. His dark hair fell around him and bathed him in shadow. Jane could hear the slight rustle of leaves as his leg disturbed them and he hummed a tune under his breath.
While he had maintained a nearly believable pretense of watching the stars, she was a barrier between him and an unimpeded view. The later the night grew, the more she felt the weight of his eyes rest on her rather than the night sky. The side of her face nearly burned with the intensity of his unimpeded stare.
Despite the two feet of open branch separating them, she was far too conscious of her proximity to his presence. The quiet that encompassed them was not an easy, comfortable camaraderie. It was a tense, volatile silence ripe with unpredictable currents of unspoken questions and unvoiced words – the kind which a single moment's misstep could crack like an egg shell.
She decided to be the one to speak first, but then wondered if her whisper had always been so loud and jarring.
"Loki, do you miss your brother?" she asked.
His relaxed posture immediately stiffened and a forced placidity crept across his features.
"Of course not. He was an insufferable idiot," he replied.
Even without her gift, she could have read the insincerity of his tone. When he caught her raised eyebrow and her skeptical expression, he allowed the briefest flash of sadness to cross his face and he looked away.
"Fine. Desperately and utterly."
"I'm sorry... that you are stuck here so far from home... and that you didn't get to talk to him again... before, well, before."
"As am I, Lady Jane," he answered, though by the way his voice sank in tone, he sounded as if he were now miles away instead of only a few mere inches. After another long pause, he pulled himself to his feet and outstretched a hand to her. "Come now. Let us return before the princess accuses me of absconding with her favorite pet scientist. At this rate, it will be near dawn before we reach Birin Zana."
"I guess it is getting pretty late. Thanks. For this, I mean."
"You are most welcome," he said. "Now, let me hope you will prove more adept at descending from heights than ascending. I beg you, please do not leap from this branch until I tell you how to manage Mjolnir's powers against the pull of this planet's gravitational field."
"Oh, so you do know."
"Of course, I know. Who do you think Thor went to when he made a mess of things?"
"Let me guess... you kept your mouth shut to see just what a mess of things he'd make, and then you told him how he should have done it the first time?"
"Why, Jane. What an idea. How could you possibly accuse me of such devious ploys?"
She let out an exasperated huff. "I can't imagine."
She could hear his light chuckle from the shadows. He drew closer... so close she could feel the warmth of his chest against her back and he wrapped his hand around her wrist. He leaned down so his lips brushed against her ear.
"Hold open your palm and close your eyes," he said in a low whisper. "No... no. Actually, close them. I see you cheating... That's better. Now, focus all your inner mind, your deepest thoughts, on Mjolnir. Feel its essence blend in with your own. Feel its tendrils of magic reaching out to you. You are its mistress now. It wants to answer you. Now, ask it to come."
In a burst of speed, the hammer flew into her outstretched palm and she felt Loki's sudden move to close her hand around it. She would have toppled over from the unexpected force of it, if he hadn't been behind her. He quickly caught her waist with his other arm to help steady her on the branch. She was suddenly so overwhelmingly conscious of every plane of his body against hers and the way she could feel each of his breaths against her back that she completely missed his next set of instructions.
"Sorry," she said in a rush, when she realized he was waiting for her to do something. "Can you repeat that?"
"I said, instead of having Mjolnir fight against the upwards forces of gravity, you are going to exert force below you to slow your descent. Try it. Do not fear failing. I will not let go and can create an air pocket of sorts to prevent you from losing control," he said.
She took a deep breath and fought to bring all her mental focus back to the present... it took a moment to fight back the barrage of emotions battering against her chest like errant kernels of popcorn. She focused on the feel of the hammer in her hand and her perception of the air currents around her and foliage below her and the depths she needed to descend to reach the floor.
"Ok. I'm ready," she said.
When she successfully (or nearly successfully) completed the controlled descent without incident, she burst into relieved laughter and stumbled as she felt her feet catch purchase on the uneven ground. True to his promise, Loki steadied her the few times she failed to balance the opposing forces and nearly lost her control. Now that she was safely on solid ground, both his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace.
"Well done," he whispered into her ear and she failed to breathe.
Then, just as suddenly, he released her. He made a movement with his hands and the Casket of Ancient Winters reappeared. He wrapped the edges of his cape around it and turned to continue on back in the way they had originally intended to go.
For a moment she failed to follow. Her ears still rang with the hum of his voice and she was far too conscious of the cool night wind against her recently exposed back. She struggled to force her heart back into as controlled a descent as her fall from the tree. It was much slower and clumsier to obey.
He knew exactly what he was doing to her, she realized. Of course, he knew. In all the fifteen months since he had come bursting into her life, he was nothing if not intentional. When she was exasperated... it was not by accident. He knew exactly what strings to pluck and what buttons to push. When he sought to rile her up, he did so expertly without so much as a break in his facade or a glimmer of intent... but that was all part of his game. Only this time, it was not her anger he was eliciting. Hell, he could probably hear her heart beat or taste her emotions in the wind or through some such magic mind reading trick.
As she watched him walk away, she was angry. Furious, really. She refused to be treated as a toy, a plaything - as if her emotions were his own possession to do with what he pleased. Was he so very idle that he had nothing better to do than to mess with her heart? To what end? To kindle her into a flame only to watch her burn? She would not stand for it. She threw her shoulders back and clung to Mjolnir tighter and reluctantly followed after his disappearing green cape. In her mind, she began to remind herself of all the reasons she needed to keep herself from wanting to climb right back up that tree and spend the rest of the night there, as they were, tentatively dancing around what could be.
Oooooooo
With the Casket of Ancient Winters firmly wrapped in the folds of his tunic, Loki marched through the first set of tunnels into Wakanda. The swirling blue lights of the Casket cast an almost aquatic pattern of lights against the tunnel walls and its inert presence was enough to drop the temperature in the tunnel down to nearly freezing. When Loki caught Jane shivering, behind him, he pulled off his cape and wrapped it around her shoulders. He chuckled at the sight of her clinging to Mjolnir with her small hands and nearly engulfed in his cloak. It was so long it trailed on the floor behind her and made her appear all the more diminutive.
She was a delicious contradiction. She was no warrior, yet she wielded Mjolnir. She was so very small, and yet she bubbled over with inert strength. From his height, he could see the one errant white strip in her hair, as glaring a disjuncture as her blue eyes. He reached up one hand to pull the strand of hair behind her ear before adjusting the clasp on the cape. He was nearly overcome, as he had been earlier, by the aura of power around her. The closer he approached her, the more the waves of the Mind Stone's tendrils strengthened.
He was not sure whether it was the woman or the Stone or the potent combination of both which most called to him. That alone was enough to make him pull back. For a moment, perched on a tree together and entranced by the light of the moon on her face and the tilt of her neck as she watched the stars, he could fancy it was all the woman.
However, he could also hear the whispered searching of the Stone, feel the explorations of her gift on his magic, on his mind, on his person. They were not the harsh, ravishing intrusions of the Stone under Thanos' command. These were more similar to the gentle prodding of his mother's magic - the warm caresses to ensure he was still present, still hale, still in one piece. It called him in, beckoning him to come closer, to drink deeper, to answer its siren's call. He knew, all too well, the untrustworthy nature of the Infinity Stones and their allure to one such as himself. He could not be deceived or made a slave to their whims again. He wouldn't.
The Mind Stone had always known his weaknesses. All of them. The Stone – or whatever was left of its essence - was doing so again. Now, so isolated, so exposed, he could feel his vulnerability and so would the Stone. It would be so easy.
Loki was always given to the same weakness. Sentimentality. He would exchange all Asgard, all the Nine Realms, for the handful of people he cared most deeply about. It is why Thor would have made a better king. Thor could make the hero's call, the hero's sacrifice, and do what was necessary for the good of the Nine. Loki allowed his emotions to cloud his judgement, distract him from his purpose, to blind him to everything but the overwhelming passion of the moment. He had spent his lifetime fighting to to perfect his mask, achieve mastery over himself, to wrestle his heart into a semblance of control... but with so much of his life entirely out of his control now, he knew he was anything but impervious.
His mother always warned him. "Loki, it is your heart that will be your undoing."
She was right. Here he was caught up in a mad dash escapade to keep the Mad Titan from destroying the universe and prevent Midgard from destroying itself. Yet when left to his own devices, he found himself following around a Midgardian scientist like an attention-starved pup, watching stars rather than returning to his duties. Shuri was correct in her assessment. He had clung to Jane as the only connection on Midgard between him and his deceased brother. If Thor had sought Jane, then so would Loki. If Thor was drawn to Jane, then so would Loki follow his example. It was all another masquerade, another play at being Thor, even if it was now accomplished in Loki's visage.
He set a brisk pace back to Wakanda and tried to ignore the potent silence trailing after him. At first, he attributed Jane's change of mood to weariness, but by the slight flash of her eyes when he turned to her and the energy she forced into each footfall, he doubted that was the case. He had raised her ire and had raised the drawbridge on her old, familiar fortress again. Each time he believed himself the victor over her many defenses, he found she had erected them again, firmly intent on keeping him outside her walls. It was easier to keep space between them if she pushed him away and constantly reminded him of all the reasons he was not Thor.
They had only made it one length of tunnel before he heard her increase her pace and charge up so she was nearly beside him.
"Loki, why did you try to kill your brother in Puente Antiguo?" she accused, pointing Mjolnir in his direction.
Ah, so it was another recitation of his many misdeeds that she wished for.
"Wrath. Jealousy. Revenge. My overwhelming longing to cling to the throne of Asgard forever. A backwards desire to prove, once and for all, Thor the hero and myself the villain," he answered.
He knew she would not believe him the moment he said it. "Tell me the true reason," she implored.
For anyone else, his original answer would have been acceptable enough. Not for Jane. Never for Jane. It's not that his previous answer was entirely untrue… it's that she refused to let go until he spoke all the truths that no one else would believe.
He sighed. "I sought to prove myself as king," he said. "A king must uphold an edict impartially, regardless of who has transgressed it. Sif and the Warriors Three sought to overturn a direct ruling from not only the acting king of Asgard, but one spoken by the All-Father himself. The penalty for such an act is death.
"Thor's companions appealed to my brotherly affections – that I should alter the All-Father's rulings out of partiality for my brother. What kind of king would I then be? Do I apply the rule of Asgard differently when it is my brother or mother or closest friends who stand before me or do the laws of Asgard apply equally to all its citizens, regardless of the relationship between them and Asgard's king? It is blind loyalty which led us to follow Thor into Jotunheim and instigated an unnecessary war and nearly cost us all our lives. I learned my lesson. Loyalty must not overrule justice.
Jane's brow furrowed deeply and she frowned. "So, you sent that fiery robot to level my town and kill us all? Or is that another one of your 'less people died than they would have in the alternative' excuses?"
"What is it you wish for me to say?" Loki retorted, his anger growing with her accusations. "If I were to bend back the hands of time, to change the past, do you not think I would rewrite nearly all that has occurred the last few years? You asked for my reasoning at the time – when I had witnessed the beginning of another war only to find myself the one charged with its effects, all the while learning the king which we fought was my blood father and the realm we so despised the land of my birth. My brother, the crowned prince, was cast down to Midgard and I was left to tend to the consequences of his mistakes alone.
"In my short reign as king, I sought to emulate my brother and reign as the kind of king our father wanted him to be. Asgard wished for strength and peace. They did no want a return to war, but neither did they wish to appear cowed by Jotunheim. I sought to end the war with Jotunheim as efficiently as possible, while preventing Thor's companions from instigating a civil war through Thor's untimely return. Asgard's Golden Prince could sow seeds of folly across the realms only to be praised and lauded for it. I am not so fortunate. Actions which are praised in Thor are disparaged in Loki and I have yet to learn true wisdom in how to rule in times of peril. I cannot claim any of my decisions at the time were what they ought to have been, but you did not ask whether I still believe it was the best course of action now."
Sobered by his outburst, Jane's eyes lost some of their fire and she took a step back. "What would you do now, if you could change it?" she asked.
"Now?" he said with a mirthless laugh. "If I could go back, I would have never interrupted Thor's coronation. Let the warmongering oaf rule the Nine and sow chaos where he wishes. I would rather have Thor ruling as a foolish king than this alternative that I have helped create. There is little of what followed in the wake of the interrupted coronation which I would argue the rightness of and even more of my decisions that I regret wholeheartedly. Of the interminable list of my errors, Puente Antiguo is doubtlessly written, though it is not the worst by far. There, are you satisfied with my repentance or must I pretend that the fates of the citizens of Puente Antiguo haunt my nights and creep upon my solace in my daylight hours?"
"Would it be so very hard to just apologize?" she said. "Instead of trying to defend yourself."
"Would such meaningless sentiment bring back the lives of those lost or heal the collateral damage?" he retorted.
"No. But you still should. I think I need to hear it."
"Fine. I apologize for destroying your insignificant, menial town and causing harm to its inhabitants. I apologize for the anguish I caused you when I sent the Destroyer after my brother and his companions. I am even more sorry for the harm inflicted on New York and the many who lost their lives in direct consequence of my presence there. Most of all, I am sorry you have been caught up in all this… and for entangling you ever deeper in my growing chaos – both intentional and unintentional. Will that suffice?"
"Yeah. That'll do," she said. She wiped one errant tear from her cheek and fell back into step behind him. It was some time before she spoke again. "But you aren't telling the truth."
It was Loki's turn to groan in frustration. He thought he had been genuine and yet she still pressed for more. "Where was the lie?"
"You are not really sorry to have entangled me in all this. You are half-repentant, but I think you would do it all over again, if given the chance."
He barked a surprised laugh. She was correct, as usual, but it was an insight he would not have even scurried out himself... and would never have admitted it if he had.
"Loki."
"Yes, Lady Jane?"
"For what it's worth, I would do it all over again too. This part, I mean. Obviously, not the stuff before, but I am glad to be part of 'all this.' This time in Wakanda – with you and Shuri- I wouldn't exchange it for anything."
"Not for anything?" he asked with one arched eyebrow.
"Yeah, I guess that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you understand the sentiment. We can't change what's happened. I know it seems trivial, in the light of so much, but I accept your apology… and I forgive you."
He nodded once but did not turn back.
"You know its not all your fault, right?"
"That remains to be seen."
"Oh, come on. Thanos was not exactly under your control. You couldn't keep the World Security Council from coming to the decision they came to. You couldn't know the Mind Stone was gonna blow like it did or that Hydra was gonna take out all those countries like they did. You can't take credit for this much chaos."
"Ah, but have you not heard? I am the 'God of Chaos' and any disorder that exists is purely wrought by my hand."
Jane snorted a laugh. "Now who's overly self-important? You are good. I'll give you that, but not even you aren't omniscient or omnipresent."
"Are you so sure?" he asked, turning to face her and letting his grin crawl across his face as he loomed over her. Rather than shrink away, like he expected her to do, she rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"Yeah. I am."
"I see. Jane Foster, Goddess of Truth and All-Knowledge has spoken."
"Hmmm. I could get used to that title. Remember that for the next time you introduce me."
Loki laughed. By the way Jane's eyes danced with mirth, he knew she had, inexplicably, chosen to forgive him and move on.
"Truly, Jane – you do not regret your time in Wakanda?" he pressed. "Even with all the Mind Stone has transformed in you?"
"You know, I really don't know about the Mind Stone thing. I mean, I love all I am able to learn and understand now, but it also really freaks me out and raises a lot of uncomfortable questions. I think it's gonna take me awhile to work through it all. But Wakanda? No. It's been awesome. That reminds me- why Wakanda? I mean, I understand the usefulness of this location, however, you didn't seem to know much more about it then I did when we first arrived."
Loki gave her a half smile in appreciation of her shrewd observation. "Indeed, I did not. I was given a set of coordinates by a mysterious prophet who foresaw my future movements before any other could have known how events on Midgard would enfold. The coordinates were left with Mrs. Johnson and given to me on the first day I met the good lady."
"That's how you met Mrs. Johnson," Jane said, as if finally solving a great mystery to herself. "I wondered about that."
Loki nodded.
"I really should be more surprised than I am that some mysterious person could tell the future and just showed up like that. I think I've been hanging around too much weirdness lately because I'm really not all that surprised."
"I believe you just insulted me."
"Which part? Where I insinuated you are part of my exposure to weirdness or the part where I have grown immune to weirdness?"
Loki chuckled. "An excellent question."
"Wait- so the coordinates were to the country itself or to a particular location within Wakanda?"
Loki opened and closed his mouth once before he shook his head. "I suppose they were to a particular location within Wakanda," he said. "Before you ask me which location, I should admit I had not thought of the coordinates again until you mentioned them. I have been so caught up with gaining entry to the country and with all that has occurred since we have arrived, that I assumed that was their only purpose."
"So, you don't know where they lead to exactly?" she said, her eyes lighting up with her familiar curiosity.
"Nay. Somewhere deep within Birnin Zana," he answered. "Not far from the marketplace and the great mosque on one of the main thoroughfares. I have neglected to discover the exact endpoint they refer to."
"Can we…?" Jane asked and stopped when she saw Loki nod his assent. He chuckled to himself when he saw her corresponding enthusiasm to solve another mystery.
"And you don't know anything about who gave them to you?"
"Precious little."
"That's crazy!"
"I am indebted to the foresight of my benefactor for the directions have proven fortuitous in many ways, but now I must admit I am also curious if there was any other hidden reason for her interference."
"Oh, I can't wait to tell Shuri!"
"You will need to wait. It is not yet dawn. Do not you require rest?"
"With a mystery like this to solve? I could go without sleep for a week!"
"Well, the princess is not so fortunate. You will need to restrain yourself until at least the rising of the sun."
"Fine. But you aren't running away today, right? We can set to work on this as soon as the sun is up?"
Loki gave a long-suffering sigh and nodded. "Aye. If that is what you wish, we shall set to it immediately."
With that, Loki opened the final door and they emerged back in the palace garden in Birnin Zana. He glanced back to where Jane emerged, carefully holding the edge of his cape so she did not stumble over it as she stepped out.
ooooo