Wintersend 2

Many leagues from Skyhold a group of people were staying in the Inquisition encampment at the outskirts of the Western Approach. They weren't aware at all of the spring fever that had Skyhold in its grip, mostly because this part of Thedas had no experience with that season. The Approach had mainly experience with aridity, scorching hot days and icy cold nights. Said group would spend this particular night in the camp and gather supplies for the journey home. Although home was a broad term for most of them. For starters there was Dorian, probably further from home than any of them. At least he thought so and ever so often reminded his companions he not only was miles away from Minrathous but also trotted around alien countries that lacked proper civilisation (and hygiene) and were populated by weird people with even weirder habits. A good runner up was Varric who thought that Kirkwall was the only decent place to live in. Cassandra had been away from her birthplace for so long she had come to consider Val Royeaux as her home although it must be said she had easily adapted to Skyhold. And Evelyn was still trying to fit into her new life and the title that came with it. She had to admit it was far better than the boring repetitive day-to-day routine in the Circle but ever so often she had to pinch herself to be convinced it was all real. Not to mention the reason why her life had taken this unexpected turn was disquieting to say the least of it.

The fifth member of the group wouldn't dream of looking upon Skyhold as her home and not only because she had been forced to steal into and sneak around the place as if she was scouting an enemy stronghold. Or was a common thief. Just like Varric she already had a home, one she loved. Her absence was only temporarily – she hoped. She stared in her bowl of stew, listlessly prodding the food with her spoon. She was well aware of the prying eyes of the dwarf but wished not to pay any attention to it.

They had said goodbye to Stroud who had gone off to Adamant Fortress with a small but select company of Inquisition scouts. After the disturbing events at the Ritual Tower, Stroud was certain Livius Erimond had fled to the Warden fortress and he wanted to assess the situation over there with his own eyes. Hawke had planned to accompany him but both the Inquisitor and Varric had insisted she'd come to Skyhold with them. Evelyn wanted to talk with Hawke about how she had coped with the sudden rise to power and the influence that came with it because she still felt uncomfortable with her situation, and Varric, well he worried about his friend.

She had stood raving about blood magic in a way that better suited Fenris, she had seemed to have lost her touch with humour and, not to put a too fine point to it, she looked like shit. Her posture was strained, there were lines in her face and shadows in her eyes. She was thinner than she ought to be and her skin had a shade of grey as if she hadn't had a good night's rest for ages. And speaking of Fenris, why wasn't the elf with her? He had expressed his surprise when she had arrived alone at Skyhold but she had been very evasive. She had mumbled something about a promising lead to a nest of Tevinter slavers somewhere along the Wounded Coast and the look in her eyes had made clear he shouldn't press on. Knowing he wouldn't be able to pilfer any more information from her Varric wisely hadn't. But that didn't mean he stopped being concerned.

It was getting dark and they huddled together around the fire, for the cold was creeping in slow but sure; or rather with the speed of a glacier gone wild. Around them sounded the noisy chirping of the insects Varric hated even more than the spiders they occasionally had to fight; at least the arachnids stayed in their home-caves and didn't crawl into his bedroll.

'I've been meaning to ask you, Serah Hawke,' Cassandra broke the relative silence, 'where have you been staying during the years after the mages' uprising in Kirkwall? As you can understand we have been looking for you but not once we found even the slightest trace.'

Hawke put her half emptied bowl aside and gave the Seeker a wry smile. 'It's obvious you're not familiar with the environs of Kirkwall. It's very easy to hide in the hills if you know the right spots. Though I have to admit Fenris and I have lived like fugitives for a while, until it was safe enough to settle down in a little cottage near the coast.'

'Why didn't you flee far from the city?' Evelyn asked in wonderment, 'it must have been perilous to stay so close.'

But Hawke shook her head. 'Where would we go? Kirkwall was the starting point of the storm that spread quickly throughout Thedas but thanks to the capable leadership of both Guard Captain Aveline and, back then, Knight Commander Cullen some semblance of peace was restored quite fast. So, ironically, the safest place for us to be was close to the city.' She pulled up her knees and folded her arms around her shins. ´We even contemplated to return to live in my estate but deemed it too dangerous. There were still a lot of people who blamed me for the disaster. There still are.´ She threw a significant glance at the Seeker. ´And even Fenris can´t foresee every furtive drawn knife.´

Cassandra looked alarmed and lifted a hand. ´I am not blaming you –'

´Oh, come on Seeker,´ Varric interrupted her savagely, ´when you dragged me into the Amell Estate you were convinced Hawke instigated the whole thing. You would have happily beaten the shit out off me simply because you didn't like what I was telling you! You were out for her blood!'

'You know damn well I wasn't,' Cassandra snarled, 'I was trying to find her and you were lying to me! You told me you didn't know where she was!'

'I was protecting my friend!' Varric yelled back.

'Stop it, you two,' the Inquisitor intervened sternly, 'we have been through this before and we decided to let it rest.' The two bickerers reluctantly backed off, both mumbling something unintelligible under their breath. With surprised amusement Hawke had followed the row and with some effort bit down a chuckle.

Dorian leaned casually back and eyed the scene with mild interest. It was a known fact the Seeker and the dwarf were constantly at each other's throats and frankly the old story became rather boring. He shifted his attention to Hawke instead and was about to sign his own death-warrant with his next remark. 'You know, Champion,' he drawled conversationally, 'I met with your elf once.'

Slowly Hawke unfolded her arms and straightened her back. Her small smile evaporated. She resembled an alert jungle cat, poised to jump her prey. 'Did you now.' Her voice sounded dangerously flat, with a hardly hidden hint of murder.

Dorian totally failed to read the signals and ignorantly blundered on. 'Yes. It was a long time ago of course, I was just an adolescent back then. But I thought he looked exquisite, like a wondrous piece of art.'

Varric stiffened. It was nice knowing you Sparkles, he thought, such a pity you must end your life as a bloody pulp in the sand.

In the meantime Hawke's face had turned into a sample of the hardest granite. 'I do hope you realize that the creation of that piece of art involved enduring excruciating pain and that it came with the complete loss of memory.' Her voice dripped with so much venom she could without any trouble have killed a medium sized town with just speaking. 'Tell me, were you only allowed to gawk or did Danarius permit you to touch him and let your greedy hands glide over his body? Or has he even granted you the exclusive honour of making a more intimate use of my elf?'

A with horror drenched silence fell. Even the screeching of the nocturnal insects seemed to fade into the background. They all stared aghast at Hawke whose face in the dancing flames of the campfire was a fiery mask of unrefined fury and loathing. It didn't occur often Dorian found himself at a loss for words but this was definitively one of those rare occasions. But he wasn't the only one. Naturally Varric knew Fenris had been used as a living weapon by his former master and how that still troubled him; this part of the cruel exploitation however was completely new to him. He wondered how long Hawke had known.

'Is this what you meant when you claimed slaves are generally treated well in Tevinter?' said Evelyn, the disgust palpable in her voice, 'that they are better off being someone's property than having to live in poverty on the streets?'

'Not exactly,' mumbled Dorian who had forgone his languid pose and now looked like a schoolboy who got reprimanded by his favourite teacher.

Hawke snorted derisively. 'Ah yes, I've heard that one before.' She had never taken her blazing eyes off the Tevinter mage. 'Have you ever even tried to imagine what's it like to be a slave instead of bossing them around? How it feels to be denied to make your own decisions, to be at the mercy of your master? How it feels to live in constant fear to be punished for a mistake you weren't aware of making or simply because your master or mistress is in a bad mood? And don't tell me that kind of abuses didn't take place in your household. Sooner or later power always corrupts; it is inevitable when someone hold sway over others who cannot fall back on the law when they are treated badly because the only law that applies to them is the undefined fickle one of their master. Absolute power is a too heavy weight to be carried by any mortal being. And others will always pay for it.'

Dorian delicately cleared his throat and Varric thought, I would be very careful if I were you; the last magister she encountered didn't live to tell the tale. He was relieved she hadn't singed, frozen or electrocuted Dorian yet though this second rant kindled his worries even more.

Hawke didn't give Dorian the chance to speak. Remorselessly she went on, 'I understand you left Tevinter because your father wanted to perform a blood ritual on you. Well boohoo. If you had been a slave you wouldn't have had the choice to simply walk away. Fenris hadn't.' As sudden as she had flared up, she now deflated, as if all energy flowed away in one big gush. She took a shuddering breath and screwed her eyes shut. 'Do me a favour, Varric, and hand me the wineskin.'

Dorian exchanged a quick questioning glance with Varric but the dwarf helplessly shrugged his shoulders. 'Are you alright, Hawke?' he asked anxiously while he did her bidding.

'I'm fine,' Hawke retorted curtly, 'just tired.' She opened her eyes again and made an apologetic gesture towards Dorian who was staring at her in pure bewilderment. 'I'm sorry. I believe I got a little carried away.' She uncorked the wineskin and took a deep gulp before she passed it on to Evelyn who gratefully accepted. 'I know you're here to try to put things right and I appreciate that but there are certain aspects about the Tevinter Imperium, many in fact, that drive me terribly mad.'

'That is quite obvious,' Dorian reacted with a wary smile he somehow managed to make rather charming as well. 'It has been a long time since I received such a firm scolding.'

'Let's hope it's an eye-opener,' grumbled Cassandra. She stood up and started to collect the empty bowls.

Dorian shifted and brushed some sand off his trousers. 'I realize it doesn't help much but I'd like to explain House Pavus didn't want anything to do with Danarius's unsavoury acts and we weren't the only family. There were rumours you see, nasty rumours. So nasty I thought they had to be exaggerated; I never got the chance to verify them though. We didn't get invited to Danarius's parties and would have declined anyway.'

Hawke wasn't totally convinced. 'Then how did you meet Fenris?'

Dorian shot her a lopsided smile. 'Accidently in the market, to be frank. And I must confess I was in awe.' The lopsided smile turned in a split-second into a boyish grin. 'You must at least agree with me he is extremely handsome.'

'Really,' Cassandra scoffed sarcastically, 'you admit someone is handsome? Other than you? And extremely no less! Are you ill?'

'Not as handsome as I evidently, that would be impossible.' Dorian stated with his usual aplomb.

Hawke raised her brows. 'I beg to differ,' she said with a crooked smile and some of the humour Varric had direly missed reflected now to his relief in her expression, 'and, by the way, I would choose Fenris tenfold over you. Sorry, old chap. But then again, I don't think you would lose any sleep over it. After all, you prefer men.' She cocked her head when an idea hit her. 'Food for thought ... picture a situation in which we admire the same man. We could swoon together, marvel at his tight ass, his broad chest, his dazzling laugh.'

Dorian looked incredulously at her and burst out laughing the moment after. 'You're a woman after my heart. I'll keep your name in my secret book.'

'So it's true, you have a secret book.' Hawke grinned, 'I always wondered ...' Then she yawned and rubbed her face. 'And speaking of sleep, if you will excuse me, I think I'm going to try to catch some. I'm exhausted.'

But despite her fatigue she lay awake for a long time, open-eyed staring at the sparkling stars above her. 'I miss you so much,' she whispered, 'and I'm so sorry I had to hurt you.´ She still wondered whether she had made the right decision. But that voice kept disturbing her mind and she couldn't shut it out. She had to do this and she had to do it without him. She didn't want to drag him into danger. Not again.

Cullen stood on the ramparts next to his office and stared at the mountains. Or rather he more specifically stared at the road winding down from the only pass that connected Skyhold with the rest of the world. Absently he tapped his fingers on the old but still strong masonry of the battlements and strained his eyes till they watered. He wouldn't hasten Evelyn's return with any of those feeble actions but he grew tired of waiting. By now he wished he could have mustered the courage to tell her what he felt for her before she had left although, according to her last message, she already knew.

I so much long to see your wonderful smile again. The day cannot come too soon. I miss you.

He kept that letter as a treasure in a drawer of his desk and allowed himself a few times a day to reread the lines. And every time he did that it was a boost to overcome the many problems and annoyances he had to handle. He never had known his smile was wonderful. Hers certainly was and he missed her too.

Nobody had been more surprised than he to find he had fallen in love, with a mage no less. He had steeled himself before their first encounter in the Chantry at Haven. Despite his strong resolution of leaving the Templars after everything that had happened in Kirkwall, he still didn't feel comfortable around mages. And then she had stepped into the room and immediately his inner defences had crumbled. Never before he had met a Circle mage like her; regardless of what had happened to her and the way she had been treated she radiated a kind of self-confidence and optimism that was contagious. The look in her bright green eyes was open and honest without a trace of fear or subjection. Only then he had understood in full how much damage Meredith's reign of terror had caused. How the way she had punished and tortured and humiliated the mages in an attempt to subdue them by destroying their personalities had inevitably led to the devastating outburst. When he, later that night tried to make sense of his mess this astonishing woman had made of his head, he already had been utterly grateful Evelyn never had been dragged into the Kirkwall Circle, just by watching her, by observing her pure attitude, by seeing her unharmed by fear. Not much later he would be more than grateful Meredith never had been able to crush her sparkling personality. At the same time it had made him questioning his role in the whole drama even more.

In the days that followed he caught himself several times on staring after her as she darted passed him in the village. They had had some conversations that actually had nothing to do with the dire situation and he had been certain she had flirted with him on a few occasions. It had confused him, even embarrassed him somewhat, and it had made his heart take up more than one pace. But only after the attack on Haven and their narrow escape, after he had been mortally afraid she hadn't made it, he had realized he had fallen in love with her. Madly. At first he had felt awkward and giddy around her like a clumsy youngster who didn't know what to say and where to look or leave his hands but soon she had set him at ease with her warm encouraging smile. Strangely she took his breath away and at the same time gave him back his voice with that smile and how she sometimes lightly touched his hand. It gave him a tingle like an electricity charge but he knew it had nothing to with her being a mage and everything with his feelings for her. She influenced him, in more than one way.

Sleep didn't come easy to him, not even in the best of nights. He still suffered from lyrium withdrawal and regularly got plagued by nightmares about the awful occurrences both in the Ferelden Circle and in the battle in Kirkwall. But now he had the image of her lovely face and the echo of her cheerful voice to guide him back to sanity when he awoke with a start in the middle of the night. He permitted himself to succumb to daydreaming for a moment ...

'Pining for our Lady Inquisitor, Commander?'

He hadn't heard Leliana approaching and almost jumped. He groaned. 'Maker's breath, not you as well!'

'Well excuse me, Cullen,' said Leliana with an amused smile, 'if you don't want people to talk you should keep a straight face.'

'What do you mean?' asked Cullen suspiciously.

'I mean that every time you're even remotely near Evelyn you start to glow.'

Cullen bristled. 'I do not.' To his dread he felt himself change colour. Again.

'It appears that even mentioning her name does the trick.' The spymaster sniggered, she actually sniggered. 'You know, people are betting on how long it will take until you will finally give in to your infatuation.'

'They what?' Cullen was horrified.

Playfully Leliana patted his hand. 'Nothing stays a secret in Skyhold,' she said, 'at least not for long.' Her expression became pensive. 'You're not holding back because she's a mage, do you?'

'No!' Cullen as good as yelled, 'it's just ... ' He let out a sigh. 'I don't have much experience with this, er, subject. I mean it's been a long time since someone, er –'

'Made you stutter?' Leliana said sweetly. 'Listen, Cullen, there's never a perfect time for this but you have luck on your side.'

'Have I?' he said bewildered.

'Of course. Spring is on its way!' To underline her words she took a deep breath of air. 'Josephine was right. You can smell it, you can even taste it. Nature is waking up and longs for the embrace of life. And how could a woman possibly be able to reject your advances when the aroused passion of nature herself swirls around her?'

Cullen stared at her. She may be a spymaster by now but once a bard always a bard, obviously, he thought. 'And who arouses your passion?' he blurted a bit prickly before he could help himself. The moment he realized what exactly he had said he wanted to disappear into that big hole in the sky but to his relief Leliana just laughed. With an elegant swagger she walked to the stairs but just before she descended she turned her head. 'Oh, I almost forgot why I came here. I received another report from the Inquisitor. Apparently they are making better progress than she assumed before. She hopes to arrive the day after tomorrow.' She saw his face light up and added with a twinkle in her eye, 'The report came with a personal message. They are on your desk.'

Cullen didn't even try to make an effort at keeping up appearances and rushed into his office without a second thought.

Somewhere on the outer edge of Amaranthine the owner of a livery stable gazed wordlessly at the absurd amount of gold that had been pushed into his hands.

'That was an elf in a hurry if I ever saw one,' an astounded ostler remarked while he stared after a fast disappearing horse.

His boss looked up, the glance of the gold reflecting in his eyes. 'I don't give a damn where he got that kind of money,' he said hoarsely, 'if he worked for it, inherited it or nicked it. For all I care he robbed the Chantry.' His face almost split in two with a broad grin. 'We're closing early today, boys. Tonight drinks are on me.'

Thank you for reading!