SHADOW OF DEATH

Chapter 42 : Soul

It was beyond Jane's wildest dreams. Not only was she on a habitable planet in another galaxy, but she had traveled via a portable wormhole generator. How many months had she dreamed of seeing Thor's home with her own eyes? How many sleepless nights had she spent pouring all her strength into finding a way to Asgard? Now, the sprawling city spread out before her window with as much brilliance as the alien constellations overhead. She knew she would not sleep this night. With such a view, so many novelties, how could she? She only had a handful of hours before she must leave this all behind. At first light, however many hours that would be, she would travel to another planet.

She wished she had more time to truly study Asgard. With Mjolnir in her hand, she could feel the hum of magic interwoven throughout the entire city. It nearly sang with it. She was only beginning to understand what Loki meant by the "unique magic of each realm". She doubted even a millennium would be enough for her to truly understand all the ways Asgard was both similar and different to Earth. With one regretful glance at the heavens above, she gave a longing sigh.

The view above may have been unbroken perfection, but the view from her window was anything but that. Oh, Asgard was magnificent. She couldn't do anything but gape at its resplendent gilded towers and the fantastical water fountains that defied the very laws of physics. However, Asgard was also scarred. Entire swaths of the cityscape were swallowed up by jagged patches of darkness and the perfect symmetry of the streets was interrupted by the heaps of fallen buildings and scorched out homes. What must have once been bustling with the constant noise of life and habitation now sat eerily silent, as if the city itself was caught somewhere between catching its breath from the last battle and holding its breath in preparation for the next.

"There are still undetonated Svartalf explosives hidden around the palace and the city. Until you can recognize them and render them harmless, it would be foolhardy for you to wander alone," Loki ordered. She reluctantly, and regretfully, complied.

Jane trailed along behind Loki, her mouth agape as she stared at the grandeur around her. It was surely a palace, but an empty echoing shadow of what it must have once been. It was jarring to cross through gilded halls half burned out with a hole in the roof. In another hall of polished marble and tapestried walls, the space was marred by overturned carts of rotting food, a pair of shoes, and a broken sword hilt stuck in the wall. She was only able to see a few wings of the palace, but it was enough to wet her curiosity and make her wish she had time to see more.

The guest wing of the palace was apparently the most undamaged and so Loki installed her there to rest. He claimed a nearby chamber for himself. He refused to take her to the family wing, but would not tell her why. He didn't need to… and she didn't ask.

She wondered just how quickly the attack had come and with what speed the refugees took flight after. She wondered just how grand it had all been, before. She could just picture Thor's formidable figure striding through the hall, his scarlet cape fluttering behind him and his silver armor shining in the lamp light. It was a pretty picture, one she wished she could have seen with her own eyes. She could imagine what it all would have been like… but that only made its current state of disrepair more dissonant.

Loki was busy gathering news and setting preparations in order. It was strange to see Loki in his home and with his own people… well, the handful Jane had seen. He did not wish to broadcast his presence on Asgard and so he only spoke to a few key leaders and only in closed-door meetings. In each interaction, she watched Loki's expression shift and change. She recognized the set lines of his jaw, the tight pull of his shoulders, and the way he clasped his hands behind his back. In their early days in Wakanda, she had seen these subtle shifts in posture every time she confronted him.

Those days felt like a lifetime ago. Perhaps two.

She only now realized how rarely she saw that expression anymore.

She thought of the man who had once dwelt in this very palace… from childhood to adulthood… for more centuries than Jane could even fathom. Was the Loki she knew now the same as he had been back in the days he wandered these halls alongside his brother? Was the Loki who sent the Destroyer to Puente Antiguo the same who brought roses to a ground zero memorial pyre?

His time in exile from the only home he had ever known, the loss of his brother, all he had experienced during his time on Earth and beyond– how could he go through that unchanged? He couldn't. She knew he was not so hard-hearted or unmovable. He may wear thick, opaque masks as a shield, but beneath, he roiled with passion and deep emotion. He was not the same as he had been the day he left Asgard, and she doubted he would ever be again. Who could be? Not after so much change, so much loss, so many unexpected twists and turns in life.

In so many ways, Asgard reminded her of its second prince, a shambles of broken finery and tarnished ideals, but she doubted he would appreciate the comparison.

Then again, she was hardly recognizable as the same person, either. The Jane Foster who had met the banished first prince of Asgard in the desert was a far cry from the woman who now carried his hammer. That one, the one who studied the stars and believed, if she tried hard enough, she could build a way to reach them, that one at least, was still human. That was before the Battle of New York and the Fall and wandering the cosmos alongside an alien prince. This one, well, she didn't know who, or what, she was anymore. She had only begun to scratch the surface of all the ways her life, her own body, her entire world, had changed.

Perhaps, that is how she could understand Loki in a way she hadn't been able to before. She couldn't imagine what it would have been like to face her home and family immediately after such a dramatic revelation as Loki had faced. In Wakanda, she had been in an incubator of sorts. She had already been in such a small, protected environment that she never had to face the fear and derision she most likely would have faced if she had woken from the Mind Stone in a hospital in New York. Or worse, in a SHIELD facility. Yet Loki had woken solitary kingship with a threat of war, the point of the Scepter, and chained to the whims of the Mad Titan.

He had done terrible things. She could not deny that fact. As he was then, so lost in his rage and hatred, caught in a web of lies, there was very little to admire in him. What would she have done, in similar circumstances? Was it possible to change… for someone to fully turn from a path of destruction and become something else, someone else, someone worthy of respect and admiration, despite their past mistakes? Or were those decisions the defining characteristics of his life?

When she officially met Asgard's second prince, she had only known him by his greatest mistakes. Perhaps, if she had met him before, it would have been so much simpler, easier, and less complicated. Yet, would he have been the same person, then? The man she knew now, like the realm which claimed him as prince, was all jagged edges, battle scars, and vaults of secrets. Yet there was beauty, too, and such a complicated, elegant grace.

How was she to measure what made a man "good"? She both admired and respected King T'Chaka, but revelations that had surfaced about his relationship with his lost brother revealed not even he was perfect. He had made mistakes and ones which caused serious problems in future. Circumstances had forced Sergeant Barnes to commit terrible atrocities… and yet she could not despise him for it.

Thor, also, could hardly be described as a pinnacle of virtue. She met Thor during a very turbulent moment in his own journey into manhood. He had just started a war against another realm and she doubted he held much regard for mortal lives before his banishment. Yet, his banishment did cause a shift in his perspective… or at least, she believed it did. She had not been able to test the shift for herself and so she could not know for certain. Yet, she had never held his past against him the same way she held Loki's.

Then again, when she fell for Thor, she hadn't known of his misdeeds, or even his heroics, and her heart was already engaged by the time she learned he was so much more than just a man. If she had known more of his past before, would she have been so quick to fall for him? If she had known him as he was before, would she have been so quick to determine he was worthy? Then again, had she ever truly known Thor or had she only been swept away by her idea of him as the personification of her life's dreams?

The mortal Jane Foster who dwelt in an oblivious and uninvaded Earth would never have fallen for Asgard's second prince. However, the Jane Foster who got possessed by alien rocks and was allergic to lies and had lived in a super secret kingdom very few knew about, that Jane Foster was a different story entirely. Her own nature insisted she be honest with herself and so she could no longer avoid the truth.

It had crept up on her as slyly as the stars at twilight. She had not even realized it until Skadmire told how Loki nearly died… again. Then, she knew.

The first time she thought Loki had died was at the memorial service for the Avengers when "Thor" had informed her of the death himself. She had honestly rejoiced and called it a "justified end." She felt better knowing he had "got what he deserved."

The next time she thought Loki died was after they were ambushed in New York. When she saw his motionless body, pouring out blue blood onto the ground, she suddenly realized she no longer wanted him dead. She may not have liked him most of the time, but she no longer considered him "worthy of death" and she would have been troubled to see him come to such an end.

However, after her long nights of foreboding and fear, to hear that her fears were entirely justified and he had almost come to his end a third time, well, that was almost too much for her to bear. She nearly cried out in physical anguish at the thought of losing him. At the thought of his constant attempts to needle her and prod her for attention, the well of mischief glittering in his green eyes as he watched her reactions, the many different masks he wore, she had come to value him. For months upon months, she had worked alongside him, laughed alongside him, thrown things at him in rage and been present during his tears. They had brushed the edges of not only life but death together. It had taken over a year and a half of shared life for her to admit there was good in him… that she admired him… that she had grown to love him.

Once she may not have wanted him to die, but now that was no longer enough. Now, she wanted him to live. She insisted on accompanying him on this journey to make sure he did just that. She knew she would not hesitate to give her life to save his, if it came to that.

Oooooo

At first light, Loki had come for her. His clothes were simple and dark-colored, absent all the gilded edges and fastenings his tunic the day before sported. A meal of bread and cheese appeared outside their door and they ate quickly. He asked a few questions about her night, which she tried to answer without causing herself discomfort by avoiding the truth. When he appeared just as reticent to speak of his own evening's rest, they both fell silent. She could tell he was distracted and his thoughts were not on his companion and so she tried to follow suit. She failed.

"Skadmire is still in conversation with King Helblindi," Heimdall informed them, once they reached the observatory. "The Aesir reach ever closer to Midgard and King N'Jadaku is still debating with Midgardian leaders over whether the Aesir will be welcome in their realm."

"Is the All-Father still on Midgard?" Loki asked.

"Nay. The All-Father… he waits in a safe refuge until he hears about the fate of the Soul Stone."

Loki nodded. "And what of Midgardian preparations?"

"The Princess Shuri travels to speak with Midgardian leaders today."

"There is little else I can do, then. We must depart," Loki said. He withdrew the Casket of Ancient Winters and glanced over at Jane. At her nod, she was suddenly immersed in blue light.

Jane nearly stumbled as she felt something solid under her feet again. The rush of space and changing gravity left her so disoriented that all she could do was try to catch her breath and hope her head would soon stop spinning. She felt a hand on her shoulder, steadying her.

"Do not fall, Lady Jane," Loki said. "I fear the landing would prove unforgiving, even to one as resilient as yourself."

She inhaled the cold, stagnant air one more time before she attempted to open her eyes. The land around her was dark, or nearly so. A rose-tinted crescent stained one edge of the sky with a haze of twilight and painted the land around her with shadowy silhouettes. The outline of what appeared to be clouds nearly mirrored the shapes of the mountains below and all was glowing with the pink mockery of illumination spilling from the dark sky.

It was silent, too silent. The air around her felt robbed of even the slightest vibration and she knew at once that this was a dead planet. Despite the shallow pool of water at her feet and the ample oxygen in the atmosphere, this planet could not naturally support life. It existed for one purpose and one purpose alone. She could feel the siren's call of power from every direction, holding the very rocks in place and keeping the thin pillow of gravity attached to the ground beneath her feet.

"We are not alone," she said as she looked down from the ledge on which she stood. Loki was correct. The jagged edge tumbled down into a grey abyss on her right and she did not wish to test the limits of her 'enhanced' body by discovering just how deep that abyss lay. She instinctively outstretched one arm to grab hold of the rough rock overhang that jutted out over the undisturbed crypt of water on her left.

"I know," Loki answered. "It is the guardian to the Soul Stone."

"This place is creepy."

"Vormir does not rank high on the list of realms sought by sight seers and merrymakers," Loki answered. "I cannot understand why. The landscape here is unique among realms. I am rather fond of underappreciated destinations."

Jane snorted. "You can open up your own resort here, right on the shores of that sea…or lake…or whatever that body of water is. Maybe it's good for swimming."

Loki chuckled and motioned for her to follow him. She did, after ensuring that Mjolnir remained securely attached to her backpack. One peak towered over all the others. In the dim light, they could just make out a stone edifice protruding out from its summit, as ominous as a gravestone crowning a tumulus.

No footsteps warned them of the approach of the planet's one inhabitant. No feet touched the rocky ground beneath the hooded figure that floated towards them. The very air vibrated with a clinging sense of unease, like cobwebs swaying in a forgotten doorway. When it neared, Jane saw red skin stretched over a gaping, fleshless skull of a face. For a moment, Jane felt like Prospero when the clock struck midnight. "And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all," she thought to herself.

In a deep, male voice, the eerie silence of the place was shattered.

"Welcome Loki, son of Odin. Welcome Jane, daughter of Thomas."

"I am not a son of Odin," Loki harshly answered.

"It is my curse to know all who journey here, whether you know yourselves or not," the fleshless skull replied.

The guardian floated ahead of them and motioned for them to follow. She did not like this place or this guardian. He roiled with an ancient anger, a sordid bitterness, and a resignation to his fate which tasted more ominous than the words that poured from his skull-like face. Still, she followed after him as their guide and made her way up the mountain.

Higher and higher they climbed, through a rocky crevasse in the mountainside until it opened onto the very pinnacle. The land rolled out below them on all sides hidden in shadows and the pre-dawn hues of the sun that would never rise. No longer sheltered by the mountain, a cold wind whipped through their hair and tore beneath their clothes. Jane pulled Mjolnir from her backpack and clung to it a little closer. She stayed well away from the edge. It would be a very long drop if she slipped.

"You wish for the Stone," the guardian stated.

"Yes," Loki answered.

"You should know... it extracts a terrible price," he said with somber tones painted grey and muted of all true feeling. "Soul hold a special place among the Infinity Stones. You might say it has a certain wisdom."

"What price is required?" Loki asked.

"To ensure that whoever possesses it understands its power, the Stone demands a sacrifice."

"What kind of sacrifice?" Jane asked hesitantly.

"In order to take the Stone, you must lose that which you love. A soul... for a soul," he said and his tone grew so melancholy that Jane wondered if he had once exchanged someone in an attempt to take the Stone himself.

Loki peered down over the cliff and noted the length of the drop. He glanced back at Jane with a frown and looked down over the cliff again.

"You mean we have to throw someone we love over this cliff in order to get the Stone?" Jane asked. She shivered as she imagined how the wind would whistle over her as she fell such a distance… or what such an impact would feel like.

Then Loki grazed the guardian with such a searing expression that it would have removed his skin if he had any left to remove. Without a word, Loki turned back the way they had come and began to descend the mountain.

"Loki, where are you going?" Jane asked, her light footprints following after him.

"We are leaving," he said. "Come. We will depart from the point of our arrival. This is a waste of our time."

"But this is what we came for...how can we stop now? Maybe there is another way?" she said. She turned back in time to see the guardian shake his head. Loki stopped long enough to wave his hand in the direction of the mountain peak and scoff.

"Even if it were not nearly impossible to kill me, I would be loath to leave you bearing such guilt as would haunt you the rest of your existence, if you were to exchange me for the Stone," he said. "You are not meant to carry such a burden."

"I could...," Jane began and Loki waved his hand at her to stop before she could continue. "Or is there someone else we could...no, you are right. I can't throw someone off a cliff to get a rock."

"No, Jane. You would not force a stranger into such a fate, let alone someone you care about. And I already know the worth of a soul, especially yours. The cost of the exchange is not a price I am willing to pay. No Stone is worth that. Let the thrice cursed Titan and his mistress be forced to part with one of the few possessions they treasure. I will not. We will find another way."

"This is your decision?" the guardian asked solemnly.

"It is," Loki answered. "Let the Soul Stone and its wisdom both be damned."

Jane followed after Loki and they began the steep trek down the mountain.

"What are we going to do?" Jane asked. "Without that Stone…"

"I do not know," Loki interrupted, rather harshly.

"You do not think sacrificing one person to save all the others is worthwhile?" she asked, feeling her own anxiety and fear growing as she considered the implications of their decision. If they were to refuse… and the fate of Earth… and the rest of the universe… suffered because of it, how could she live with herself?

"Jane, you once castigated me for sacrificing a few thousand Midgardians to preserve the remainder of the realm. Do you wish to recant that?"

"I, uh, I don't know."

"I do know, Jane. You may decry my selfishness and short-sightedness, but when I watched my brother's corpse burn upon his burial ship, alone on a Midgardian ocean, I learned my lesson well. There is no price worth sacrificing the life of one I love and I would gladly exchange all the Infinity Stones in the universe to have Thor back. That is not a price I will pay again. And you, I have watched you die and resurrect once and I do not care to test your mortality a second time."

Jane nodded, tears pricking at her eyes. Her steps froze as she tried to fully comprehend his response. He spoke so flippantly, so lightly, that she almost missed the weight of meaning under his words.

"You must lose that which you love," the guardian had said. Loki would not give her life in exchange for the Soul Stone. He did not argue her worthiness as a sacrifice. Not because he did not love her, but because he did. Conversely, he did not refuse the efficacy of his own sacrifice based on his lack of value to her, but because he knew the pain it would cause her.

Oh, the infuriating presumption of that man! To already possess such confidence in her affection for him that he would not doubt her love for him for even a moment. It was as if he had always been cognizant of the revelation she had only stumbled upon the night before. As if it was the most obvious truth in the world, as if it was already common knowledge. He was right, but that didn't make her any less irritated (and delighted) with him.

"I understand," she said, as she swallowed back a barrage of emotions and forced herself to keep walking.

When they came to the first clearing large enough for them both to stand side-by-side, Loki removed the Casket of Ancient Winters. Jane came to stand by him as he held the Casket between his hands and released the pulsing blue power from within. She caught a breath of cold air around her before everything went black and she knew no more.

oooo

Jane woke engulfed in a hazy red mist. The mist rolled over her and around her and it was all she could see. She gasped. As she did, she spit water out of her mouth she hadn't known was there. She used her arms to help her sit up and she found herself covered in shallow water, barely enough to cover her prone body, the ruby light dancing off the ripples her body made in the endless waters. There were no sounds. It was a quiet beyond silence that sank into her very bones.

Am I dead? she wondered. She lifted one hand to examine her fingers. They twiddled as she told them to and she pinched one hard enough to feel pain. Then she wiggled her toes. Concentric circles of ripples fled from her movement and she watched in fascination as they grew and expanded...and collided with another set of ripples.

Another pair of feet disturbed the painted waters.

"Loki? Is that you?" she whispered, but even her whisper sounded like shouting.

A familiar grunt answered.

"What happened?"

"I know not," he said. He sat upright and caught her hand in his to help her stand upright.

"You refused the Soul Stone. You chose wisely," came a third voice from behind them. Mist shrouded the speaker from view. Jane jumped in surprise.

A man sat up from the same waters as themselves. When the mist cleared, there was just enough light to show his blue eyes fixed upon them, solemnity weighing heavily upon his countenance. A deep red cape floated upon the surface of the waters, revealing the dim light to be not red but rose in comparison with the vivid scarlet of his cape. Though drenched in water, the cape did not appear wet. The man stood and no water fell from his long golden hair and beard.

"It cannot be," Loki whispered. "Jane, am I dreaming?"

"If you are, then I think we are having the same dream," she whispered in response.

The man displaced the water into gentle ripples as he waded towards them. Then he outstretched both of his hands to help pull them to their feet. Loki released his hold on Jane's hand to feel if the being before him was truly flesh and blood. His hand crept up the man's muscular arm to his shoulder, across his broad chest and onto his bearded face.

"I don't understand," Loki finally said, his confusion and disbelief plainly written on his face. Then the man lunged. With his right foot, he swiped Loki's own feet from under him. Loki tumbled backwards and splashed into the wetless waters in an undignified heap. Loki recovered quickly and leapt to his feet, sputtering and cursing as he did.

The man gave a great, booming laugh that shattered the stillness of the Soul Stone's sacred resting place. It reverberated off the surface of the water and surrounded them with a dissonant sound of nearly sacrilegious mirth.

"You pride yourself on knowing so much, what is it you do not understand, Brother?" he asked Loki.

"It cannot be. Thor? Is it really you?"

"Yes, Brother. It is I."

"But you died."

"The Soul Stone has the power over all the immortal spirits of creatures who have lived and creatures who have yet to live," Thor answered. "It can summon those it chooses to leave the Halls of our Ancestors and return to the branches of Yggdrasil. Or it can call forth our descendants before their days have yet dawned and call them into our days. The Stone was pleased with you and decided to grant you a gift. I have been sent to aid you in your quest."

ooooo

Author's Note: This chapter has been in the works since this story began.

I borrow dialogue shamelessly from Infinity War here. In the past chapter, I borrowed dialogue from Avengers 1 as well.

So, in Infinity War, Red Skull greets Gamora as the "daughter of Thanos". It's an interesting greeting since she's adopted. Why is that the greeting? Whatever the reason, I decided to follow the same logic here.

RE: "Prospero when the clock struck midnight. "And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all," she thought to herself." This is from Edgar Allen Poe's "Mask of the Red Death".