Wintersend 7

The cool evening air hit her like a cold shower but at the same time helped to quieten down her dangerously fast racing heart. The comment of Varric had infuriated her and the words of the odd Qunari had been confusing but both voices turned into fading echoes while she led Fenris out of the warm tavern.

Strange Qunari indeed; she hadn't even been aware she had stood glowering in a menacing way at him the first time she had met him until Varric had nudged her and said, 'Not every Hornhead is an Arishok, Hawke, let alone such an aggravating and trying one. You know, like the one lacking every sense of humour or sense of perspective. You choose. I vote for both options. This one listens to the self-inflicted title of the Iron Bull and doesn't care about whatever Arishok at all.' On which said Iron Bull had burst out into thundering laughter. 'Ah, yes, that was a hoot! I had gladly paid good money to have witnessed his face when he found out he was bested by a mage!' Hawke had regarded him coldly. 'Oh yeah, quite a hoot. Lots of people lost their lives that night and I can show you an ugly scar to laugh some more about that hilarious event.' But in answer the Qunari had slapped her jovially on her shoulder and offered her a drink that had dissolved her gullet. 'I know. It was bad. Such is life. And I can guarantee life gets sucher every day. You know as well as I do. But you came out of that fight as the hero. It earned you the title Champion.' 'And much good that has done me,' Hawke had croaked after she was done coughing. Which had caused another eruption of deafening laughter. It had become a pleasurable night after all. And after a day or two she considered Bull and his adjutant Krem as good friends.

But all that melted away in the cold of the dusky night; in fact the warmth of Fenris's hand spreading into hers was the anchor that kept her connected to reality. She grabbed that anchor as if she was drowning which, all grim determination and merry laughter put aside, was pretty much the truth. She was drifting, she was scared beyond compare; she needed his anchor but she hadn't want to involve him because she was too frightened something – bad would happen to him. Something bad because of her. Whatever "bad" could be. That irksome and threatening voice had told her there would be a whole range of "bad". Again, you choose. Varric's echo was the one to last.

And so, at this precious moment she seriously questioned her decision to run away. Yes, she was afraid something would happen to him but at the same time she recognised she needed him to preserve her sanity. And she really, really, didn't want to hurt him. She had done harm too much already. At this point she could only hope he would forgive her. She daren't look at him.

Fenris however took her shoulders in a gentle grip and turned her around to let her face him. Even in the dim light she could discern the soft glimmer of his beautiful silvery green examining look; it almost undid her. But this was not the place. With force she pulled herself together. 'Let's get away from prying eyes,' she squeaked, 'I'm fairly certain Varric for example will try to spy on us.'

The elf smiled faintly. 'I would be surprised if he didn't. So where do you suggest we go?'

Marian took a deep breath and then let out a sound that lingered between a giggle and an indignant snort. 'Ambassador Josephine made a serious effort to pen me in with the nobility; in fact she had already some very luxurious rooms prepared for me but I refused,' she said, her eyes shining with sudden glee, 'I told her, as polite as possible of course, that nobles give me a rash and I would be very happy to settle with a room up the battlements, as far from the hustle and bustle as I could get. As I had done the first time I came here.' She added, venomously, 'And especially out of the way of that snake called Vivienne and her snarky comments.'

'Seems like a wise decision to me,' Fenris agreed composed, 'she is a thorough bred bitch.'

Marian looked up in surprise. 'So you met her.'

'If you mean the same Enchanter Vivienne, Court Mage to the Empire of Orlais "but you could also refer to me as Madame de Fer"? Yes, in that case I met her.'

'You don't mean,' Hawke muttered weakly, trying to visualise the encounter but failing completely. How to imagine a collision between two so entirely different worlds?! She clenched her jaw. Between such powers of steely will and obstinacy. Between the clash of two continents. She was surprised Skyhold still stood. She could only hope Ambassador Josephine would do what she was best in and diplomatically would solve the problem.

'There was no escaping her,' Fenris explained, his dark sugar voice trailing her while he followed her up the stone steps, 'she practically pounced upon me.'

'Ah, let me guess,' Hawke said, glad with the temporary diversion and thus eagerly diving deeper into the subject. Though it felt like scratching at a itching scab. 'She treated you to pressing warnings considering one extremely dangerous hedge-mage.'

They had reached the ramparts and she stopped for a moment, despite everything taking in with reverence the view that even at night was breathtaking. Or perhaps even more breathtaking right at this hour, especially now the almost full moon was pouring out her bright silver light over the high standing peaks and ragged slopes of the impressive mountains.

Fenris halted at her side. As she did he took in the wonderful view. But however he wanted to absorb the magical vision upon the surroundings and forget about everything that worried him, he couldn't let go the pressing reason why he had come here. He would bring it gently though. She seemed like a scared kitten, posed to flee at even one wrong movement or sound.

'That's quite accurate,' he thus shrugged, as if he with that nonchalant movement could dismiss his own distress. 'and I basically answered she was very weak indeed if she didn't trust herself to fall under the spell of a demon and needed Templars all the time around to restrain her.'

Hawke's eyes grew wide with disbelief. 'And yet you're standing here. Unscathed. As a free man.'

Fenris shrugged once more. 'If she starts to throw stones, she must be prepared to expect a few back. But I didn't come here to defend you from arrogant frightened mages, you're perfectly capable doing that yourself.'

Marian sagged. 'Of course,' she mumbled. They had reached the room and she opened the door.

In the little time that had been available to her Josephine had managed to change the austere, half dilapidated space into a lavish room fit for a princess. Hawke had had to laugh when she had seen the alterations the first time she had crossed the threshold. 'If you can't drag Hawke to the nobles, we might as well drag nobility to Hawke,' she had joked to Varric who had accompanied her. The dwarf had grinned back. 'Don't deny you liked the luxury of your old estate, Hawke.' And of course he had been right.

The rubble had been removed, the leaking roof repaired and the chamber had been furnished with a comfortable four-poster bed, a snug corner with an inviting couch and soft chairs and several stylishly sculptured tables. One of them held a bottle of wine and a set of crystal glasses. She busied herself with lightning a few candles and pouring wine until she couldn't postpone the moment any longer. Fenris hadn't moved or said anything and she clasped her hands in front of her and stared at her feet, avoiding his gaze. Let the fight commence. 'I can understand you're angry with me,' she whispered, 'you must be angry.' True, he hadn't till now shown any signs of anger whatsoever but she couldn't image he didn't simmer inside.

The next moment she felt two strong arms around her; his familiar smell of wild forest mixed with that hint of jasmine was almost overwhelming when he pulled her close, as was the warm, rough velvet tone of his voice. 'I am not angry with you.'

She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder. ´You´re not?' she asked in a small voice. She was almost in shock; this reaction was so contrary to her fears it put her off balance.

'No. And I've never been,' he said truthfully, 'but I'm worried. Extremely so. This is nothing like you.' His lips softly brushed her hair and he murmured, 'What is wrong, Marian? Won't you tell me?'

She wanted to stand here forever, pressed into his frame, with his comforting arms around her, fencing off all the perils of the world, but she owned him an explanation. 'It's difficult,' she sniffed.

Gently he led her to the couch and sat her down. 'I understand, you wouldn't have fled otherwise. But can you at least try?'

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. And then burst out, 'I can hear his voice. He is talking to me. Mocking me. Laughing at me.' She screwed her eyes shut. 'Threatening me.'

'Who is?' Fenris still sounded patient.

Marian swallowed hard. 'Corypheus.' She heard him taking in a sharp breath. 'It started as a whisper in the night,' she carried on, 'but soon it became very loud. And now I hear him even through the day. I can't shut him out anymore. It's driving me crazy.'

Fenris took her hand. 'You have to clarify,' he said and she could simply feel how he tried to stay calm, 'it sounds as if you're hearing the Call and I thought only Grey Wardens could hear that. You're not a Grey Warden. And I can hardly believe your connection to your brother is fast enough to infect you. Besides the fact that would be ridiculous to start with.'

She shook her head. 'It's not the Call. As far as understand that's like a kind of song, the taint in the blood singing out, a way of telling your time on this world has worn out, luring you into the Deep Roads to make a final stand against the Darkspawn so you can die with dignity. I indeed am not a Grey Warden. This is different.' She squeezed his hand, not as an assurance but to have a foothold. 'I am not a Grey Warden but I have my father's blood running through my veins. The very blood that bound the creature and apparently was needed to free him.' She heaved her head and the desperate look in her eyes almost paralysed him. 'We didn't kill him, Fenris, we freed him. I don't know how; he seemed dead enough when we left him in that horrible fortress, but one way or another he got back to life, mightier than before, and now he is endangering the world.' She bit her lip. 'And he's telling me it's all due to me. That I'm just a weak little girl who couldn't even save her own city, let alone slay a god, that I awoke him and gave him back his power.' She tried to blink back her tears but failed. 'He is telling me I am responsible for the deaths of my family and I will be the reason – ' At this point she faltered.

'Be the reason for what?' asked Fenris, near inaudible, though he already knew the answer before she gave it.

'The reason you will die. That you will die trying to save my life, vainly. That you will toss away your life for me.'

He embraced her hard. 'Alright, now I understand why you left me behind. If some evil entity would try to convince me I would be the death of you, I presume I would have done the same.' He leaned back again and cocked his head and let out a short humourless laugh. 'As I remember well, I believe I was the one who stated you would be the death of me. Sorry,' he added when he saw her forlorn expression, 'I suppose I couldn't help myself.' He cupped her face. 'I can haul you home but since I'm here anyway, we can as well fight the beast together with the Inquisition. Either way, I think, you win.´

´It´s not only about Corypheus,´ Marian quavered.

He frowned. ´Oh? There's more?'

Even more than you can imagine right now, she thought, but this is not the moment to bring that up. 'I was afraid you'd get the impression I had fallen prey to a demon.' She smiled mockingly. 'Would have fallen for the Demon's Call.'

He was silent for a moment and then lifted a corner of his mouth to show his trademark lopsided smile she loved so much. 'I actually could take that as an offence,' he rumbled with that mind-numbing rough velvet voice she loved even more, 'you fearing I would think you'd fall for some petty demon's promise.'

She reciprocated his smile, though a little unsteady. 'I was really a silly old twat to run away, wasn't I.'

Now he laughed whole-heartedly. 'I wouldn't have said, but yes.' He pulled her close again and kissed her tenderly. 'But at least you're my silly old twat. And please let's keep it that way,' he murmured on her lips. 'I love you Marian. Maybe I do not say that often enough but know it's true.'

She leaned her forehead against his. 'I know. And I love you.'

She reached for the still untouched glasses and offered him one. After they had both taken a sip she suddenly said, 'Hey, do you know there's a mage from Tevinter here? And he claims he met you once. Please don't explode.'

'A mage from Tevinter?' Fenris echoed nonplussed, 'what's he doing here? And what's his name?' He carefully put the glass back on the table.

'Dorian Pavus,' Marian answered, taking another sip. She hadn't really feared Fenris would explode, she knew him better than that. Perhaps he hadn't completely come to peace with his past but nowadays he had learned to handle it well.

'Pavus?!' he cried out incredulously, 'I know that name. Danarius considered House Pavus a dangerous enemy. How fitting one of their members would join the Inquisition. I don't recall meeting this Dorian however.'

'He said it was only a short encounter in a marketplace. It made a huge impression though. I should explain at this point he is totally into men. Like in considering women nice as companions but uninteresting as bed-buddies. Like in I'll have to punch him in midair while he attempts to jump you.'

Fenris raised his brows in amusement. 'You don't say.'

'Like in I'll have to fight him and smash his pretty little face into a bloody pulp or at least give him a black eye when he looks hungrily at you which he undoubtedly will,' Hawke went on vigorously. 'And I'm dead serious.'

'And more than a bit carried away,' Fenris concluded.

'Weeel, I perhaps should confess I told him it's funny to admire the same tight ass together,' Marian giggled, 'but that can only go that far of course.' She felt light and liberated now the heavy weight was lifted from her heart.

'It's certainly –- interesting if not refreshing to be the sex object for a change,' Fenris deadpanned with a straight face, in fact feeling as light and liberated as his lover, 'perhaps we should see where it leads to. I mean, Isabela haven't been swooning over threesomes for nothing, I figure.'

Marian stared open-mouthed at him and then pushed the glass of wine out off his hand. Cruelly to be plain. 'Please take another sip and come to your senses before I start to believe you're serious,' she yelled in expiration.

The wine got spilled over the costly carpet Josephine had been considerate enough to get placed over the cold broken flagstones when Fenris swatted the glass out off Marian's hand and pushed her back upon the couch. 'You know damn well you're the only one for me and heaven knows you're more than a handful,' he growled before all other words got lost in a fiery bout of love-making. Some kind of passionate make-up sex though there hadn't been a fight to make up for. Make-up sex to drown all the fears and sorrows in one glorious outburst and devotion of the love they felt for each other.

A Phoenix come to life indeed.

And then he struck. And he struck with a definite blow.

Hawke awoke with a cry and knew at the very moment she was too late.

Sorry, cliff-hanger. And again, thank you so much for staying with me!