It was Monday afternoon and I looked at the contract in front of me. I was surprised by it. I was kind of surprised by it to be honest. I was pretty sure that I would want Dad to read it over since he was a lawyer after all. Even though I was in a Theater class, I had never really thought about being an actress. Granted, I hadn't really thought about any sort of career growing up because all I wanted to be was a girl…and maybe a princess, but I was out of that phase. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think my friendship with Hadley would suffer if I said no, but I didn't know if I wanted to say no. I was just conflicted on everything. Not to mention, The Valley was a show that a lot of people at my school watched.
"What are you looking at?" Rose asked me.
"This is a contract to be on The Valley." I explained. "Hadley's dad gave it to me."
"Are you going to do it?" She questioned.
"I don't know." I replied.
"What do you mean you don't know?" She replied. "This is a big deal."
"I know it's a big deal but I don't know if I want to do it." I admitted. "Do you think I should it?"
"Is that a joke?" She inquired. "Of course you should. Why wouldn't you?"
"I don't know if I want everyone to know who I am.' I stated. "I think I need to ask a lot of people's advice on this. I have anxiety and I don't really like telling people that I don't know that I'm trans. If that gets out, I might have to be an activist and I don't really want to be. I don't want to be known as the trans girl because I am so much more than that."
"That sounds more like a reason to do it than a reason not to." She pointed out.
"Well I want to discuss it with some people, Mom and Dad, Dr. Carter, probably Miss Ramos." I said. The latter could probably provide me the most insight since she was a former child star herself, but she started when she was 7 and I was almost 16.
"How long do you have to decide if you want to do this or not?" She asked.
"I have until the end of the week." I answered. I still couldn't believe that I was being offered this part with literally no experience. I wasn't exactly a bit part either. I was playing one of the main characters' younger sister.
I wanted to go see Kaitlin. She and I had already talked about this. She did say that she would support me no matter what I did with it. Another reason why I was hesitant about this is there was constant pressure for actors to date people in the business. People would want me to date Olivia Rodrigo or one of the kids from Stranger Things.
"So did you get the contract?" She asked as she came into the pool house.
"Yeah, I have it right here." I replied. Part of me was afraid I was going to lose it. I mean I imagined there were copies of it, but it probably wouldn't make me look good if I lost it.
"Are you going to sign it?" She asked.
"I don't know." I replied. "I know this is a big deal and I may never get another chance like this but I don't even know if I want it."
"Do you think you would regret it if you do take it?" She inquired.
"Maybe I have anxiety and I don't want things to get to be me. Being famous is a big deal. I know I said I would like to earn my own money, but I wasn't planning on that much money." I told her.
"How much are you being offered?" She replied.
"It's ten thousand for a three episode deal." I explained. "I know my parents are rich, but that is still a lot of money. I've never had that much money before and I don't know what I would do with it. Not to mention there are a lot of things that could go wrong. I don't want to be the next Lindsay Lohan."
"You could also be the next Jennifer Lawrence." Kaitlin said as she held my hand. "I know you're smart enough that you won't make mistakes, but if you really don't want to do this, I'm not going to love you any less."
"I'm kind of afraid that me doing this could have a strain on our relationship." I declared. "I don't know if I would have time for you. I have no idea what it means to be an actress."
"You should really ask Miss Ramos because I'm sure that she could give you a lot of insight." She suggested.
"I actually was already planning on doing that." I stated. "But I want to talk to my parents and Dr. Carter as well, but if we I do this, I want you to come along though."
I started to sing a little. I hadn't sung in a while but I had a song in my heart.
I like to dream yes, yes right between my sound machine
On a cloud of sight I drift in the night any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near to the stars away from here
Well you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me little girl on magic carpet ride
You don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dream to me fantasy will set you free
Close your eyes girl, look inside girl
Let the sound take you away
You don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me little girl on magic carpet ride
You don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dream to me fantasy will set you free
Close your eyes girl, look inside girl
Let the sound take you away
"Why did I not know you could sing?" She asked me.
"You think I sound good?" I replied in surprise.
"I think that you could have your own Disney or Nickelodeon series." She remarked.
"I don't think either of those networks would go for that." I replied.
"You don't know that. Times are changing." She remarked.
"I'm literally part of most contentious group in America." I said. "I don't want to cause controversy."
At dinner, I brought up the idea to my mom and dad.
"Do you have this contract with you?" Dad asked.
"Yes." I answered.
"Well if you don't want a certain secret getting out, you need to have that in your contract." He explained. "Which means you're going to have to tell them that."
I was nervous about that but I didn't think it would be a dealbreaker for them. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell them, but I supposed if it was in the contract, there wouldn't be any harm, especially since the show did have a good track record with its gay characters.
"Do you think I should do it?" I asked them.
"I think Hollywood is a dangerous place." Dad remarked. "But if this is something that you really want to do, we would never stand in the way of you and your dreams."
"But you do need to realize that this won't be easy." Mom added. "People will be jealous of you and I wouldn't be surprised if this would lead to bullying at school. And then there's the fact that it might get to a point where you might not get to go to school anymore."
That made me nervous about that. I didn't really get bullied at school because people didn't really talk to me. They basically ignored me. I was only a freshman so I was at the bottom of the school later anyway. Things would definitely change if I became famous, but even still I was starting to lean towards doing it. I probably shouldn't have been, but I was excited about it. Maybe I could actually meet some of the people that I idolized growing up, but I wanted to make sure that it was a good idea first.
In the morning, I prepared to go to school. I had an appointment with Dr. Carter after school, so I could basically kill two birds with one stone. Part of me thought that I should talk to all of my friends about this, but I felt that since Summer and Holly were both big fans of the show, I would know what they would say and to be honest, I didn't care what Marissa's opinion was. Whether or not she wanted me to do it was irrelevant. I did hope that I would be able to keep hanging out with them though.
"So did you get the contract?" Hadley asked. I just looked at her like I knew it wasn't her idea to ask me that. "My dad asked me to ask you."
"Yes, but I do wonder why he hasn't tried to put you on the show yet." I replied.
"I don't want to be on his show." She stated. "I know if I decide to be an actress, nepotism will have to do with it, but I do not want to be the next Tori Spelling."
"I don't even know who that is." I admitted. She was apparently an actress.
"So you know how before there was 90210 there was Beverly Hills 90210 , right?" She asked. I nodded. I had heard of the show but I had never seen it before. "Well the main producer of the show was Aaron Spelling, who cast his daughter as one of the main characters, even though she really couldn't act. I want to be on something not so connected to my dad and I want to be able to be able to act before I do anything."
"But I've never acted either." I remarked. That was one of the big things that made me not want to do that.
"That is not true. You've been acting every day since you started going here." She pointed out. I blushed but I realized that she was right. I basically already was an actress.
At lunch, I knew what I needed to do. I was still nervous about it because I had never had a one-on-one conversation with her. She was also one of the actors that I idolized as well.
"Miss Ramos?" I asked as she looked at me.
"What's up, Rhiannon?" She questioned. I wasn't expecting her to be so personal.
"I needed to talk to you about something." I told her. She looked at me, "So you know how I'm friends with Hadley?"
"Yes." She answered. She probably wondered where I was going with it. That was a pretty weird way to word it.
"So her dad offered me a part on The Valley." I explained with a blush.
"Congratulations." She told me. "You must be so excited."
"I am but here's the thing. I have not accepted the part yet." I stated. "I wanted to talk to you about how you decided that you wanted to be an actress."
"Well it wasn't entirely my idea. My parents kind of sold me on the idea." She remarked. I remembered reading that she had a very public court battle with her parents. "The thing was I loved acting as a kid and I love acting now. I wouldn't be teaching if I didn't love it. I do wish some things had turned out differently, but as for my career path, I wouldn't change a thing."
"There's one more thing that I have concerns about." I replied. I hoped that I wasn't about to say something that she didn't know. I was under the assumption that Dr. Kim had told all of my teachers. "So, you know I'm trans, right?"
"Yes." She remarked. "I know you don't like to tell people that, which is why I haven't said anything."
"I'm very afraid of what will happen if people find out." I stated. Next to heights, it was my biggest fear. I knew all of my friends didn't have a problem with it, but those were people that I knew. Telling strangers scared me. "My dad says that it would be a good idea for me to tell the production team if I take the part."
"It's generally not a good idea to lie to the crew. The thing is most of them don't care. As soon as I knew that I was gay, I didn't keep it a secret from the crew, even though I wasn't ready to tell the public yet."
That made me smile. I didn't know why because I knew that she was gay. It was one of the reasons why I had idolized her so much. She wasn't exactly like me, but she was a lesbian like me. That was also a reason that I liked Miley Cyrus so much.
That was when a thought crossed my mind. Maybe I could be that role model that people like Ava and Miley were to me and I could be the hero to young trans girls, so they wouldn't be afraid…no I couldn't do that. As awesome as it sounded, I was too afraid to do that. I know how I could probably help others get over their own insecurities if I was still deep in my own insecurities and there was also the issue of coming out which I was definitely not ready for, at least I didn't think that I was.
"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I've always had it in mind if any of my students booked any acting roles, I would throw a party." She declared. "I would love to be able to celebrate your success with everyone in the class and I'm sure that they would all be as proud of you as I am."
It just seemed like that with every person that I talked to, the more and more I wanted to do it. I also wondered why I had chosen to play soccer than to get more involved in the drama program.
When I went to meet Kaitlin as we prepared to go to History together, I was smiling.
"I think there's something wrong with your face. It looks like you're smiling." She teased me. I shoved her lightly. "So what's got you in such a good mood?"
"I think I want to take the part." I declared. "But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What's going on in your life?"
"Well I've been thinking a lot." She said. "So you have a therapist and Marissa has one too, even though I'm not sure if she's listening. Do you think therapy would be good for me?"
"I mean do you want to go to therapy?" I asked. Kaitlin had been a lot of the same stuff that I had, plus she had her parents breaking up and her mom was also kind of a nightmare at times. "Do you like you need it?"
"What do you like about it?" She questioned.
"Well I'm not going to lie and say that I don't like having someone licensed to talk about my problems with." I stated. It did seem like the majority of my issues weren't related to being transgender anymore. "But you also have to realize that this costs money and you would have to ask my grandpa to pay for it. How do you feel about him anyway? You've lived with him for a little while now."
"I might have been a little harsh on him." She told me. "I think he loves my mom and honestly, that's probably the most important thing."
"Well I can ask Dr. Carter if she'll let you sit in with us." I offered. I knew the meetings were supposed to be private, so there was a chance that she could say no.
"I would like that." She told me.
So I took her to the office with me. Well Rose drove us there since she had her appointment on the same day. It was easier because both of our parents worked after all. I waited for my name to be called.
"Rhiannon." Dr. Carter said to me.
"Before we start, can I ask you a question?" I replied. This was going to sound weird. "My girlfriend has been thinking about seeing a therapist. Is it possible that she could sit in with us today so she can see what it's like?"
"I can't allow a nonpatient in my office." Dr. Carter says. "She can come in, but I would have to charge her."
"Okay." I agreed as I gestured Kaitlin to come with. I hoped my parents wouldn't be mad about the charge.
"So Rhiannon has talked about you a lot. It's pleasure to meet you. I am Dr. Vivian Carter." The therapist said as she held out her hand.
"Kaitlin Cooper." My girlfriend replied as she shook it. I had a bit of an interesting thought involving marriage. I knew I was too young for it but I couldn't help but wonder which of us would change our name.
"So I actually had something that I really wanted to talk to you about." I stated. "My friend Hadley's dad is the creator of The Valley and he offered me a role. Have you ever seen it?"
"I've heard of it." She said. She didn't seem like the type to watch teen dramas. "You never mentioned that you wanted to be an actress."
"The thing is, I really didn't." I admitted. " But the more that I think about it, the more I want it. I still have some reservations about it, though."
"What are they?" She inquired.
"Well one of them is having to tell the crew that I'm transgender." I stated. "The other thing that I'm even less sure about is actually telling everyone. I didn't have people like me growing up and I could be someone for young trans girls to look up to. What do you think I should do?"
"Well you're at an age where you're still figuring your life out. The entertainment business can be very unforgiving. Before I knew that I wanted to be a therapist, I wanted to be an actress myself, but I was always told that I wasn't good enough at auditions." She explained. "As for coming out, I can't tell you whether or not I think it's a good idea because that should be a decision that is yours alone."
"There's also one more thing that I want to talk to you about.' I added. "Where do you think I am in my gender transition? Like if I wanted surgery is that something that you would sign off on?"
"That would be something that I would need to discuss with your guardians." She told me. Oh right I hadn't told her.
"Parents." I corrected. "I've started to refer to them as my mom and dad. As far as I'm concerned, they are the only parents that I have. I don't care who I'm descended from. I am a Cohen, genetics be damned."
"Alright, then I need to talk to your parents about it." She told me.
The following day, I headed into an office with my dad. I knew that I wanted to sign the contract, but I had a few different things that I could say in my head. I would go with whatever came out I supposed.
"Mr. Hawthorne, I'm Sandy Cohen, Rhiannon's father and also her attorney." I stated. I couldn't help but wonder if I would have to give him a salary. "Before we get started, she has something that she wanted to tell you."
I sighed. I was nervous about it but I knew I had to do it.
"I'm transgender." I declared. He looked a little surprised.
"Wow, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't have guessed that." He admitted. "However, this will not result in a withdrawal of the offer. We can make some rewrites to the script if you want. Josie can be transgender since we never mentioned her before."
"She was actually thinking of a provision in the contract that would prevent this information from getting out. Would you be willing to honor that?"
"If that is what you want." Mr. Hawthorne stated.
"I do…n't." I said. My father gasped in surprise. "At least right now I don't. Can we leave the part about her being trans open, but not do it in the first episode? I might want to do this. I guess for right now the important thing is I want to sign this contract. I want to be on your show."
So not a lot happened in this chapter. It's mostly about Rhiannon deciding if she wanted to be an actress, which you knew she would. And we learned more about both Ava and Dr. Carter. Please don't forget to review.