Chapter 17: The D.I. Part One

"Let's be damn sure no man's ghost will ever say 'If my training had only done its job.'"

- Reminder to USMC drill instructors

Ding-dong

Shinji looked up from his cooking at the sound of the doorbell. He shouted for Asuka to answer it, but she was holed up in her room and either couldn't hear him or ignored him. Probably the latter, she'd hardly spoken a word to him since their disastrous performance yesterday. With a put-upon sigh, he left the knife and half-chopped carrot on the cutting board as he made his way out of the kitchen and down the entrance hall.

He hit the button on the wall and the door slid open, and before him towered the major. The man was dressed in his usual uniform, with something heavy-looking about a metre long cradled under one arm, loosely bundled in a blanket.

"Hiya kid," the man greeted him with a small smile, cocking an eyebrow when his gaze fell on Shinji's frilly apron, the only one in the apartment. "…Is Katsuragi here?" he asked, evidently deciding not to comment on it.

"Uh, no, I think she's still at work…"

"Yeah, I figured she might be. Well, she asked me to meet her here. Mind if I come in?"

"Oh, of course!" Shinji said, stepping back from the door. He hadn't really seen the major since they were on the ship, and they hadn't spoken more than a few words to each other since the day he visited him in the hospital and gave him the priceless medal he kept hidden away in his bedroom. He wondered what he was doing here as the man tipped his cap in thanks and stepped through the threshold, placing the bundle on the floor. No doubt it had to do with whatever was in there, which Shinji noted made a mechanical clattering noise when it was moved.

As he followed the officer back down the entrance hall, it dawned on Shinji that despite living just upstairs, he hadn't paid their apartment a single visit aside from the one time Misato invited him for dinner. Odd, he thought idly, considering that he and Misato were supposedly a couple and had been for some time. They certainly didn't act like one, although he supposed he wasn't an expert on the subject.

"Smells good," he said lightly as the pair entered the kitchen, the major taking a seat at the table while Shinji returned to the stove. "What's cooking?"

"Oh, just some curry rice." Shinji had become something of an expert on the dish, it being Misato's favorite. He could stomach her version no longer, a vile concoction made from a combination of different instant mixes drowned in copious amounts of hot sauce, and so took it upon himself to learn how to make it from scratch. It was quite a simple recipe really, though he'd always had a knack for cooking, and even Misato admitted that his homemade stuff blew her godawful creations out of the water.

"You're, um, welcome to say for dinner if you'd like. It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes." He said over his shoulder as he resumed chopping the vegetables. Truthfully, he'd only prepared enough to feed himself and his two roommates, and doubted there would be enough to provide the major with a decent portion as well, but he was a guest in their home and it would be extraordinarily rude to not make the offer.

"Well, if your cooking's as good as Katsuragi says it is, I'd be a fool to not at least to try some," Shinji could hear the grin in the man's voice from behind his back. "…But I'm afraid I can't stay for dinner. Appreciate the offer, though."

"Oh." He thought for a moment as he lifted the cutting board to dump the chopped carrots into the simmering sauce, before moving on to the potatoes. "…Are you here to take Miss Misato out on a date, then?" He figured that was the most logical answer, he did say he was meeting her here.

Shinji turned around in surprise at the sound of laughter, seeing the major lean back in his chair with a broad smile. "Not exactly," he said when he'd contained himself. "I'm gonna level with you kid, she made that whole thing up. We aren't dating."

"Wha-" Shinji stared at him for a moment. "…Why would she do that?"

"To spite Kaji. And because, quite frankly, she's insane."

This time, Shinji joined the major in having a chuckle at his guardian's expense. There were times when he couldn't help but draw a similar conclusion. He'd forgotten how infectious the foreigner's good humour could be, and it was the first time he'd been able to crack a smile since the battle.

"Speaking of crazy people," the man continued with a smirk. "…I hear you've got a new roommate. She around?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, she's in her room. She's been in a pretty bad mood ever since yesterday. I think she blames me for everything going wrong…"

The major shook his head with knowing smile. "Women, huh? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

"Yeah…" He didn't know the half of it.

Just then, the door of the freezer in the corner of the kitchen slid open, and the fourth member of the Katsuragi household came waddling out, making his way over to the fridge to fetch himself a fish for dinner. The bird cast a baleful glance over at the flabbergasted officer seated at the table.

"…What the hell is that?" he asked as Pen Pen retreated into his enclosure with his food, shutting the door behind him.

"Oh, that's just Pen Pen," Shinji said matter-of-factly, not bothering to look up from the pot he was stirring. "He's a penguin."

"Yeah, I can see that…" the major muttered, staring at the freezer. "…Is it a pet or what?"

"Sort of. He's more like a roommate than a pet, really," Shinji replied, before turning to eye the major. "Uh, didn't you see him last time you were here?"

"I think I would have remembered if I had. I just assumed that was a meat freezer or something." The man shook his head. "I've seen some strange things in my time, but a pet penguin living in an apartment might just take the damn cake."

"Oh good, you've met our resident pest." Asuka's voice turned both of their attention towards the doorway to the living room, where the smell of curry had finally enticed her out of her room. She sat heavily at the table opposite the major, shooting a glare at Shinji. "Or one of them, anyways."

"Well, good evening, Miss Soryu, and how does this evening find you?" The major ignored the girl's surliness and greeted her politely.

"Oh, just wonderful, thank you," she answered in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "What are you doing here? Come to tell us how useless we are? Well, you can save your breath, we've already heard it a million times."

"A little defensive, aren't we?" The man shot back. "No, that's not why I'm here. You'll find out as soon as Katsuragi arrives."

"Hmph." The girl grunted in reply as Shinji judged the curry to be ready, spooning a portion of the stew onto a plate opposite a scoop of steamed rice and placing it in front of the girl. She wordlessly started eating, while the major looked on with a frown.

"…Aren't you going to thank Shinji for cooking your dinner?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Why should I?" she replied through a mouthful.

"It'd be the polite thing to do. It's also polite to not talk with your mouth full…"

Asuka snorted in amusement. "Geez, what a couple of neutered, domesticated males. Him I can understand, what with the cooking and all, but you?"

"…Are you implying that cooking isn't manly?" the major asked with an amused grin as Shinji quietly sat down with his own plate, avoiding eye contact with either to avoid getting dragged into it.

"I don't think I need to imply it," Asuka answered with a sideways glance at Shinji.

"Heh. You remember when I was telling you about my dad, Miss Soryu? The hard-as-nails farmer who worked his fingers to the bone to provide for his family?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, he just so happened to be fantastic baker. Won prizes at the county fair for his cookies and such, always made mom jealous. I poked fun at him for it once, and he asked me something that stuck with me ever since." The major looked up at the ceiling as he reminisced. "Son, he asked me, Who's more of a man? One who sits around and waits for someone to give him a cookie? Or one who feeds himself with a cookie he's baked with his own two hands?"

Shinji chanced a look up at his two table mates, and to his surprise saw that Asuka seemed to have no response, chewing her food in silence and looking down to avoid the major's gaze.

A moment later, he heard the sound of the front door opening, accompanied by Misato cursing as she stumbled through, probably with a pile of paperwork in her arms. At the sound, the major's demeanor seemed to shift, his friendly smile dropping into a grimace. With a heavy sigh, he leaned forward to address the two teenagers.

"Listen, kid," he said quietly, his eyes settling on Shinji. "…You know you can always come to me if you ever need to, uh, talk about any of... this, right?"

"Um, yeah, I-I guess so…"

"Well, I just want you to know… I want you to know that the offer will stand regardless of anything I might say or do in the next few weeks. That goes for both of you, okay?"

Shinji and Asuka exchanged a look, sensing that something was afoot. There was no time to respond to the man's cryptic words beyond a snort from Asuka and a small nod from Shinji, before Misato entered the room with an armful of what looked like an assortment of military gear in her arms. Rei followed shortly on her heels, bearing a similar burden.

The major silently stood and stepped past her into the entryway to retrieve the bundle he'd left there. He returned and dropped it heavily on the table, removing the blanket to reveal its contents.

There on Misato's kitchen table were three rifles. Shinji recognized them as the type the major had taught him to shoot.

Bishop took a deep breath, exchanging a look with Katsuragi. There was no turning back now. He just hoped the kids would forgive him, hoped they'd understand someday that what they were about to be subjected to was necessary to make them stronger, to make them into a team. To keep them alive.

He and Katsuragi had spent much of the day, once his hangover was under control, devising a plan to condense the contents of a three-month military basic training course into the eleven days they had available to them. He knew he couldn't bring himself to be as hard and cruel to the kids as his own drill instructors had been to him and his comrades at times, even though circumstances now were every bit as dire as they were back when he was fresh meat. Still, he had to play the part. An important part of the basic training process was to give the recruits a common enemy, someone for whom their shared hatred would form an unbreakable bond. That someone would be him.

He gave the woman a small nod, and she withdrew a document and a pen from a pocket of her jacket, unfolding it and signing it at the bottom before handing it to him. He shot a look at the two Evangelion pilots, before raising his voice to a tone of command to address them.

"This document," he began, pacing across the kitchen with the piece of paper held above his head. "…As signed by your commanding officer, Captain Katsuragi, and approved by Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki as acting head of NERV, officially transfers the two of you to the armed services of His Royal Majesty, Edward the Ninth, for a period of eleven days from the time of signing. You now hold the rank of officer cadet, and as the senior commonwealth officer present you are under my command for said period."

He stopped to look around at their reactions. Shinji and Asuka were utterly confused, and Rei utterly uncaring. "It is my job, in those eleven days, to train you up to the standards of excellence and professionalism His Majesty expects of his officers. The curriculum will consist of intense daily physical training, instruction in drill, weapon handling, and an introduction to proper military discipline and standards of conduct."

Shinji's eyes darted rapidly between him and Katsuragi. "M-Miss Misato, what's going on?"

"I'm working on a battle plan that will allow us to defeat that angel when it comes back," the woman answered her ward flatly, her arms crossed and face tense. "…But it will require a pair of Evas to act in near perfect synchronization with each other, and you two have demonstrated that you aren't ready to do that. He's going to make you ready."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Geez, alright we get it, we're very so-"

"Clam up!" Bishop barked, shocking the room into silence. Best to rip this bandage off as quick as possible. "The proper way to address a superior officer is 'sir' or 'ma'am', and you will not do so unless spoken to first." He reached into his tunic pocket, withdrawing a small booklet. He tossed it onto the table between the teenagers. "Your first assignment is to read and familiarize yourself with the highlighted sections of this drill manual."

Both kids just stared at the booklet as he piled another on top of it. "You will also be required to read and memorize this." This one was titled 'Operating Instructions for Rifle, 7.62mm, FN, C1A1'. "You will each be issued with one of these rifles. You will be solely responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of your personal weapon, and you will keep them spotless. You will be expected to be able to strip, clean, and reassemble it blindfolded if necessary. You will also be issued with uniforms, combat fatigues and kit, and you will be required to keep it all in pristine shape."

"Oh yeah, and what if we don't?" Asuka wasn't beaten yet, furious at being spoken to in such a way. "Who the hell says we have to listen to you?"

"I do." Katsuragi answered.

"Well, big whoop. And what are you going to do about it if we just refuse?" She stood and took a step closer to Bishop, crossing her arms in a gesture of defiance.

"Per chapter 104, section one of His Majesty's Service regulations," he answered, not bothering to look down at her as he did so. "…The punishment for disobeying a lawful order from a superior is to be decided by a court martial, and can range from a prison sentence to death in cases where disobeying an order endangered the lives of the accused's comrades. However, in combat conditions or in cases such as this one where a court martial cannot be convened, a sentence may be decided on and carried out by the accused's commanding officer within reasonable limits."

"…So, what, you're going to shoot us if we don't do what you say?"

"No, I'm not going to shoot you, tempting though it may be." He leaned forward to look the girl in the eyes now. He knew Miss Soryu would probably object to taking orders from him, and had come up with a plan to keep her in line. Kaji knew her much better than he did, so he'd consulted the man to get a better idea of what made her tick. She wasn't some raw, terrified, clueless farm boy like he had been, so the drill instructor's standard tactics of shouting and threats of pushups wouldn't cut it. Rather, she was already a skilled warrior in many ways, and much smarter than he could ever hope to be. Above all else, though, she was competitive.

"...I think a more appropriate punishment in this case would be removal from this mission. That's why Miss Ayanami is here. She will train alongside you two, and if either you disobey orders or can't keep up, you'll be replaced. Simple as that."

"Wha-" she sputtered. "Y-you can't do that! Unit zero isn't even fully operational yet!"

"I wouldn't care if unit zero was in a giant goddamn wheelchair," He growled in reply. "Miss Ayanami, unlike you, has demonstrated that she can follow orders and can put the success of the mission ahead of herself. That alone makes her far more useful than you've shown yourself to be, and until you prove otherwise you are on thin ice, Missy. I've got no time to waste teaching cadets that don't want to learn, so talk back to me one more time and we will proceed without you. Clear?"

The girl glared back at him for a moment, the unwavering fury in her eyes flickering slightly as she tangled with the prospect of being left out. "…Fine." She muttered after a moment.

"Fine what?"

"Fine… sir." It seemed to take every bit of strength she had to spit out that last word from behind clenched teeth.

"Good. Sit down." Even he was surprised when the girl silently retook her seat as he continued. "From now on, you two are a unit, and you will live or die as a unit. You will train together, cook, clean, eat and sleep together. You will treat this apartment as a military post, and you will share equally in the work of keeping it up to those standards. When I judge you competent at the basics of drill, responsible enough to safely handle your weapons, and when you've demonstrated to me that you can work as a team, you'll start learning a rifle drill routine that will mimic the movements of Captain Katsuragi's battle plan. Any questions?"

He shot a look around the table. Asuka simply stared down at the table, while Shinji slowly raised a trembling arm. "Yes, Cadet Ikari?"

"Uh, sir," he began timidly. "W-why are we officer cadets instead of just, y'know, cadets?"

"Because you are pilots, and pilots are officers," Bishop answered. "Pilots are officers because they bear an immense amount of responsibility. Whether it's a fighter or an Evangelion, they are in control of an incredibly dangerous, destructive weapon of war, and they are solely accountable for employing that weapon and the consequences of doing so. Thus, you will be held to the same standards of maturity and accountability as a commissioned officer, because I would expect nothing less from someone who's given the responsibility to wield such a weapon. Understand?"

The boy responded with a sober nod.

"Good." He turned and nodded to Katsuragi. "Captain Katsuragi will issue you the rest of your gear and show you how to present it for inspection. You will be inspected daily, and there will be consequences for failing to meet standards. I will also leave it to her to see to sleeping arrangements, et cetera."

With that, the pilot made a show of glancing down at his watch. "Training begins at 0500 hours tomorrow morning, so I'd hit the sack early if I were you. You will be waiting for me outside the front door of this apartment, in your PT gear, standing at attention." He turned on his heel to leave, before a thought occurred to him, one that caused a tiny smile to creep across his face that he had to wipe away before turning to face to group.

"Oh, one more thing," he said casually. "In the spirit of solidarity, Captain Katsuragi will of course be joining us for our morning PT. After all, a good officer should ask nothing of their troops that they can't do themselves. Good evening." The woman tried to utter a protest, before realizing she was trapped, shooting him a toxic glare as he turned to leave.

And that's for dragging me into your damn love life, he thought with a self-satisfied smirk as he made his way back down the entry hall.

Day 1

Bishop wasn't sure what he expected to see as he stepped off the elevator at precisely 5:00 the next morning, but it wasn't this.

"Good morning Miss Ayanami, Cadet Soryu…" Two out of three Evangelion pilots were present and accounted for, dressed in their school gym clothes and standing at attention as ordered.

"Good morning, sir," they both replied in unison. Ayanami's voice was its usual monotone whisper, while Soryu seemed to have gotten over last night's moodiness and greeted him with an enthusiastic smile. That would take some getting used to.

They were not alone, and he turned to the three teenagers stood beside them, dressed likewise. "Alright knuckleheads, what're you doing here?"

Toji and Kensuke both took a step forward, and the taller of the two boys answered him. "Shinji's our pal," he proclaimed boldly, "and we aren't gonna let him go through it alone!"

"Yeah!" Kensuke chipped in.

"He's not going through it alone," Bishop muttered with an annoyed sigh. "That's the whole damn point… how did you even hear about this, huh?" For what was supposedly a top-secret organization, NERV seemed completely unfamiliar with the concept of operational security.

"Where do you think Miss Misato got a bunch of military gear that fits a kid our age?" Kensuke jutted a finger at his own chest. "It all came out of my collection."

Bishop hadn't taken the time to think about it, nor did he really care. "God give me strength... Don't you kids go to school or something?"

"Well yeah, but school doesn't start for another few hours. We can stick around for a quick workout," Toji answered him in a cocky tone.

Bishop just shook his head slowly, before turning to the last teenager in the row. "What about you, pigtails, what's your story?"

"M-my story sir?" the freckle-faced girl answered nervously.

"Who the hell are you and why are you here?" Bishop snapped irritably.

"O-oh, sorry sir." She seemed utterly terrified of him. The pilot instantly regretted taking such a harsh tone, but the day had just begun and his supply of patience was already nearing exhaustion. "M-my name is Hikari Horaki, sir. I-I'm a friend of Asuka's, she invited me…"

"…Invited you?" He rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "I'm not running a damn daycare here." He swept a hard look around at the assembly. "…Whatever. I can't order you to leave, I suppose. But in case you don't know, this ain't gym class, kids. If you stay, you're gonna work hard, and if you can't keep up you'll be left behind. Now, Cadet Soryu." He strode over and stopped in front of the redhead. "…We're still a few clowns short of a circus. Where's the rest of your squad?"

She shrugged innocently, flashing him a small smile. "Dunno, sir. I guess they're still sleeping."

"Still sleeping? Why the hell didn't you wake them up?" he demanded.

"I didn't think I had to, sir…" her smile faltered slightly as he let out an irritated growl.

"Open the door," he ordered, not amused. She silently obeyed, and he stepped past her into the darkened entryway. "I'll deal with you in a moment. Come with me." She followed him into the apartment as he passed through into the kitchen and stopped in the doorway leading the living room.

There were three futons laid out on the floor. The one on the left was neatly made up, while the other two were still occupied, with Katsuragi snoring away in the middle and Shinji curled up on the rightmost bed.

"Unbelievable," he muttered angrily, shaking his head. Looking around the kitchen, he saw a stock pot sitting on a drying rack beside the sink. "Soryu, hand me that pot. Gimme a ladle or a big metal spoon, too."

She obliged him, handing him the pot and a serving spoon. "Good, now cover your ears." Holding the pot by the handle in one hand, he wielded the spoon in the other, and with all his strength repeatedly bashed it against the side of the pot.

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG

There was a great commotion in the living room as the two miscreants were violently dragged away from their dreams. He let the pot and spoon fall to the floor with an almighty clatter, before flicking on the light switch. He gave them a withering glare as Katsuragi and Shinji both sat up in their beds looked around in a state of utter confusion.

"Good morning, neighbours!" he proclaimed jovially. "And how did we sleep last night?"

Katsuragi began to groan a response, which was cut off as he tapped his wristwatch and roared in a voice to wake the dead. "It is now 0505 hours! You were supposed to be ready for morning PT five minutes ago!" He kicked the pot across the living room, the heavy metal vessel narrowly missing Katsuragi as it rolled past her bed. "Now, since I'm in such a cheery mood today, I'll give you ninety seconds to make your beds and get dressed," he snarled viciously. "And if your miserable hides aren't out the door before I reach eighty nine, so help me I will PT you until you drop dead! MOVE!"

The effect of his booming voice in the tiny apartment was such that Katsuragi seemed to forget that she was in no way bound to follow his orders, in every bit as much of a panicked hurry as the boy. He turned to head back out with a very self-satisfied Asuka following close on his heels. He'd reached 85, pacing outside the door and counting in his head while the rest of the teenagers looked on in cowed silence, when the two late sleepers finally came stumbling out. Shinji was dressed like his classmates in gym clothes, while Katsuragi wore denim shorts and a grey T-shirt stenciled with the NERV logo.

Both looked bedraggled and bleary-eyed, and clumsily came to attention as he stopped his pacing and shook his head.

"When I ask you to be ready by 0500," he began coldly. "…I expect you, as fellow officers, to do me the professional courtesy of being ready by oh five hundred. No wonder you got your asses handed to you, hell it's a goddamn miracle you idiots didn't sleep through the whole damn battle!"

"B-but sir, we-" Shinji rubbed his eyes and tried to defend himself.

"Quiet!" It hurt him to be so curt with the boy, but he supposed he was committed to the role now. "I am not your mother, and the next time I have to get you out of bed I am not going to ask nicely. Now get on your faces and give me twenty."

Shinji and his guardian both gave a resigned groan as they began their allotment of pushups. Asuka looked on with a grin like the cat that ate the canary, before Bishop whirled on her.

"And you, Cadet Soryu, you owe me forty. Drop."

"Wha- But I was ready on time! Why am I being punished?" She whined indignantly.

"Sure you were, and instead of ensuring that the rest of your unit was as well, you decided to try and score some brownie points at their expense, didn't you?" He crossed his arms and clucked his tongue in reproach. "That's not how this works, young lady, this isn't a competition. You succeed as a team or you fail as a team, and when you fail you'll be punished as a team. Now get on your face and let me hear you count 'em out."

She growled something under her breath.

"What was that?" Bishop took a menacing step closer to the girl, daring her to repeat whatever she'd just said.

"Nothing…" she muttered, breaking eye contact. "…sir."

By now Shinji and Katsuragi had finished theirs, and looked on with the other three teenagers as Asuka begrudgingly completed her punishment. He wasn't surprised when she knocked out 40 pushups without too much trouble, no doubt having endured far worse in her years of solo training. But inflicting physical pain wasn't the point. The point was to get her to understand that she was part of a team now, and that meant sharing in the both the glory and the shame.

"…You three still on board?" he turned the pilots' classmates once she was standing again, who'd remained in stunned silence throughout the dressing-down. They stood stock still, giving a tiny apprehensive nod.

He shrugged. "Alright, it's your funeral. Hit the stairs troops, we're gonna take a nice light jog down to the lake and back, in formation." He gave them a congenial smile as they filed past him. "Don't worry, I do this route all the time, it's barely a five mile round trip. All you have to do is keep up."

Day 5

"Mama and Papa were layin' in bed!" Bishop called out in rhythm with their footsteps as he ran alongside the tiny column.

"Mama and Papa were layin' in bed!"

Even after five days of doing this every morning, he still had to contain his laughter at the sound of them calling the response at the top of their lungs. The effect of the voices of half a dozen teenagers and one woman wasn't quite the same as that of a company of infantry. The hilarity of it all was compounded by the fact that he was calling in English, and Soryu was the only one of them able to repeat after him without an atrocious accent, but he kept a straight face out of respect for their gusto.

"Mama rolled over, this is what she said!" He belted out the next line, watching the spacing of their formation with an eagle eye and paying no mind to the bewildered citizens who watched them run past from the sidewalk.

"Mama rolled over, this is what she said!" they replied, still managing to keep their breath as they approached the three mile mark.

They were formed up in three ranks of two. Toji and Asuka led the pack as the most athletic among their peers, followed by Shinji and Kensuke in the middle, Rei and Miss Horaki following them and Katsuragi bringing up the rear. To their credit, despite having no obligation whatsoever to be here, the pilots' classmates had showed up every morning so far to join their friends for PT before leaving for school. In fact, the boys seemed to enjoy it. Toji was a natural athlete, after all, and Kensuke wanted nothing more out of life than to be a soldier. Bishop hoped for his sake that this little taste was as close as the boy would ever get to the real thing. Miss Horaki wasn't quite so eager, but she grinned and bore it along with her peers as he continued to call cadence.

"Gimme some!"

"Gimme some!"

"A-gimme some!"

"A-gimme some!"

"P.T!"

"P.T!"

"P.T!"

"P.T!"

"Good for you!"

"Good for you!"

"And good for me!"

"And good for me!"

The practice of calling cadence hadn't really existed in the commonwealth armies before second impact. It was always seen as a bit corny, not to mention distinctly American, but it caught on quickly among troops guarding P.O.W camps during the war. They watched the prisoners as they ran and sang in formation every morning to pass the time, and soon were coming up with their own variations of the catchy chants that spread like wildfire through their respective armies. It was not only a good morale booster, but served a practical purpose too, helping the troops keep the correct pace and aiding in properly exchanging air from burning lungs. The kids seemed to get a kick out of it even if they didn't understand half the lyrics, probably a good thing since he couldn't be bothered to come up with PG-13 versions of some of the more vulgar cadences he knew.

"I had a girl down in Montreal!"

"I had a girl down in Montreal!"

"For a couple of dollars she would do it all!"

"For a couple of dollars she would do it all!"

"I had a girl up in Saskatoon!"

"I had a girl up in Saskatoon!"

"She kept me in bed 'til the clock struck noon!"

"She kept me in bed 'til the clock struck noon!"

They were climbing back away from the lake shore now, the building that marked three miles fading behind them. Katsuragi was puffing hard now, as she had been on the last few runs, being in the worst physical shape of all of them by a wide margin. As for the kids, they were doing well, getting used to running in formation and the amount of coordination it required. They were already showing vast improvement over their first day's performance, in which he'd had to begrudgingly allow them a rest in front of the building they'd just passed.

"What's the matter?" he'd harangued his strange collection of troops as most of them doubled over to try and catch their breath. "Can't keep up with an old man who smokes and drinks? You lot wouldn't last a day in a real army!" Of course, smoke and drink as he may have done, he still took care to stay in excellent shape and had done ever since running track in high school, the nature of his job requiring it.

Today, though, it looked like they might make it all the way back to the apartment complex without slowing down. The three pilots' drill was quickly improving as well under his tutelage, as were their daily kit inspections. Soryu still chaffed at taking orders from him, but her outbursts were becoming less frequent, her hostility focused on him and away from her teammates.

Good. That meant that the 'break them down' phase of their training was nearing completion, soon it would be time to start building them back up.

Day 7

"Atten-chun!"

By now, Shinji and Asuka were conditioned to respond instinctively to the word, snapping into position smartly in perfect synchronization. 'Chest out, gut in, shoulders back, eyes front' as the major had repeatedly drilled into their heads. After barking the command, the man paced menacingly up and down the living room of Miss Misato's apartment. Rei stood in the doorway with a clipboard in hand, watching impassively while he and Asuka stood in front of their perfectly made beds upon which their gear was stacked neatly beside their field-stripped rifles.

This had been the routine for the past week, which felt like a lifetime looking back. They returned from their morning exercise, and the two Eva pilots were given twenty short minutes to shower, dress and be ready for their daily inspection; no mean feat when he had to wait for his turn in the washroom after Asuka. Rei, meanwhile, functioned as the major's assistant when she wasn't training with them, silently writing down the various faults the major found in their kit on her clipboard. To what end, Shinji didn't know.

All he knew was that he was more tired than he'd ever been his life, and that he was profoundly confused. Confused that this man who had been so kind to him, lent him an understanding ear when he thought no such thing existed, had suddenly turned on him to become a perpetually angry taskmaster who found fault in everything he did. Just another adult who shoved him around and told him what to do, he supposed.

The man stopped in front of Shinji and looked him up and down. He'd been sentenced to thirty pushups yesterday for having lint on his trousers. Today would be different. He'd spent the better part of an hour last night going over his tan uniform with a fine toothed comb. They were the same as those worn by most NERV personnel, but with a special insignia on the shoulder that identified them as Eva pilots.

After a moment, the major said nothing, stepping past him to inspect his kit. That must have meant he'd done it properly, and secretly delighted in the fact, though he knew better than to twitch so much as a muscle in his face. He didn't dare turn his head as he heard the pilot pick up the rifle from the bed behind him.

"Cadet Ikari," he finally said after a moment, appearing back in front of the boy with the stripped rifle in one hand. On the other hand, he wore a white glove, upon one finger of which was a tiny black smudge. "…What's this on my glove?"

"I-it looks like carbon, sir."

"Indeed it is. What is it doing in the barrel of your rifle?"

"I-I don't know, sir."

"It's your damn job to know. You think you can be responsible for an Eva when you can't even keep your service weapon clean? Work on it," he snapped has he thrust the rifle back into the boy's hands.

"The rest of your kit, though," he continued. "…Looks almost acceptable. Not bad."

Not bad? That was the first crumb of praise he'd gotten since the start of this ordeal, and the boy was shocked at how good it felt to hear. "T-thank you, sir," he said quietly.

"The hell are you whispering for? Got a secret to tell me?" The major barked suddenly, leaning down to get in the boy's face. "You want to do a man's job, you better start talking like a man. Pull those words up from the gut, boy! Growl!"

Shinji wasn't sure if he could growl, but he knew there would be punishment if he didn't try. "Yes sir!" He shouted with all his might, drawing a snicker from Asuka. The major gave her a sideways glare, but apparently wasn't quite done with him yet.

"And one more thing, mister," he said, reaching into one of his pockets. "You received a decoration, did you not?"

"Uh, yes I did, sir…"

"Then you are entitled and expected under service regulations to wear this ribbon on the left breast of your tunic at any time when wearing the medal itself isn't required." He pulled out a small rectangular pin wrapped in red fabric and decorated with a miniature version of the medal in the centre, handing it to the boy. "I want to see that on your uniform from now on, clear?"

"Yes sir!" he shouted, pocketing the trinket.

"Very well." He returned Shinji's salute, before stalking across the living room to where Asuka stood. "And what exactly is so funny, Soryu?"

"Nothing, sir," she replied flatly, having learned the hard way many times over by this point that the major didn't actually want an answer when he asked that question.

"I would say so," he replied sharply. "I wouldn't be laughing either if I looked like that. Your uniform's wrinkled all to hell, I thought I told you to have it properly pressed for today."

"I-"

"Never mind, that's the least of your damn concerns. Your feet aren't at a forty-five degree angle, you've got mud on your boots, your belt buckle isn't lined up, your headgear is a misshapen disgrace, and what the hell are you looking at?" Shinji chanced a glance over at her, seeing that her head was tilted slightly upwards. That would cost her.

"What are you, a bird watcher? Get your head down! Eyes front!" the major was close to shouting now. "I expect better from you. We're a week into this now, Cadet Soryu, and we've got less than a week to go. Katsuragi's about finished coming up with your drill routine, and if you don't have yourself properly squared away by tomorrow, Ayanami will be learning it with Ikari, not you." The major gave Shinji a sideways glace as he continued to admonish the girl, who managed to bite her tongue even as her face turned red with indignation. "Fat lot of good that fancy college degree of yours did you if you can't even figure out how to use a goddamn iron or shine your boots properly."

With that, the man turned on his heels, leaving Asuka fuming in his wake. "Miss Ayanami," he said evenly to the girl, taking the clipboard from her. "…You can run along home. Report back here tomorrow in drill order at 0600 hours." He dismissed the girl, who gave a tiny 'yessir' before disappearing towards the door. Meanwhile, the major paced back and forth across the kitchen for a moment, before returning to the living room with a deep sigh.

"Look, you two…" He began in a sober tone Shinji hadn't heard since before their training began. "…I know I've been harsh on you, but it's because I have very high expectations. With that being said… I've got to give you credit for how far you've come."

He and Asuka exchanged a confused glance at the major's sudden change in temper as he continued. "…Soryu, I was extremely impressed with your performance on yesterday's field exercise."

Asuka stood in shocked silence at the words of praise while Shinji gave an unconscious nod of agreement. Yesterday, the three pilots had followed the major out into the geofront woods in full fighting order: rucksacks, webbing, helmets and rifles. There, he'd given them some instruction on basic fieldcraft and infantry tactics, before tasking them with a series of exercises such as taking turns leading their 'squad' in a mock assault on an enemy position. It meant making increasingly dire decisions under simulated combat conditions, not exactly Shinji's strong suit.

"IKARI!" The major had yelled in his ear while he desperately tried to get a compass bearing and read his map, all while Asuka and Rei exchanged blank fire with their 'enemies' from NERV's security forces and firecrackers detonated all around. "Your squad is taking casualties, you can't stay here and you can't retreat. You've got to take that position a hundred yards across that clearing, but if you try to charge straight across your troops will be cut to ribbons. What do you do?"

"I-I don't know!" His mind was paralyzed with panic. Even though he knew it wasn't real, the stress of combat still caused him to freeze up. He knew the answer was simple, it was right there on the paper in front of him, but he just couldn't put the pieces together.

"Damnit boy, you've got make a decision and it has to be now!" the major didn't let up and continued to harangue him. "The only thing worse than a bad decision is no decision at all! Give an order, any order!"

He couldn't. His mouth was too dry to speak even if he could think of something to say.

"I see." Those two disappointed words felt a like a punch to the gut. "Grab your rifle and take Soryu's place on the firing line. Send her back to me."

"Yes sir." He obeyed instinctively. All his life, all that had been expected of him was to do as he was told. He wasn't used to having to make any decisions, let alone under stress. The major said that the ability to do so was part of what made a good pilot. Maybe he didn't have what it took.

He sent Asuka back to the major, and much to his chagrin, she found their position on the map within a few seconds. It showed a dip in the terrain about fifty metres to their left which led around the clearing and behind the enemy position, and Asuka calmly ordered Rei to continue laying down suppressing fire while she led him and the major through the gully, taking the security guards by surprise as they emerged from the woods behind them and disarmed them at bayonet point.

"You've got part of what it takes, Soryu," he continued as he paced back and forth in the living room. "You're strong, fit, you can think on your feet, and there's no doubt in my mind that you can fight better than just about anyone I've ever met." He stopped in front of the girl. "…But like I said, that's only one part of what wins battles. You're part German, right?"

"Yes sir, of course." The girl answered, her lips falling into a confused frown.

"Hm. Well, your barbarian ancestors, for example, spent centuries fighting against the Roman empire. They were by all accounts better fighters, at least on an individual basis, than the Romans. Bigger, stronger, more skilled with their weapons and often fighting on their home turf, and yet time after time the legions wiped the floor with them. Know why?"

"Um, no sir…"

"It's because the Romans were disciplined, Soryu. They held their formations and followed orders without thinking about it in the heat of battle, just like Ikari here does. Skill is useless if you don't have the discipline to use it properly."

The major strode back across the room to stand in front of Shinji. "Ikari, on the other hand, you have the other part. You can drill with the best of them, you follow orders to the letter, and you've shown time and time again that you'd lay down your life for your comrades. However, you still tend to freeze up when things get hot. When you do act, you act on instinct and emotion, not as a result of making a decision. That would be good enough if you were just a grunt like I was, but you aren't."

He sniffed and returned to pacing back and forth. "You're pilots. That means you need to do both: follow orders and work with your team while also being able to exercise good judgement to outsmart and outfight your opponent when it comes down to a dogfight. As things stand, between the two of you, you almost make one competent pilot. Now I would have thought you'd have figured this out for yourselves by now, but since we're running short of time I'll clue you in." He stopped pacing to shoot them both a glare. "Get over yourselves and admit that you can both learn something from the other. Learn how to ask for help. Do that, and you two might just make one hell of a team."

Shinji chewed on that in silence, as did Asuka he assumed, while the major's hard gaze shifted between them. "…Well?" he demanded after a moment. "Are you ready to grow up and stop wasting my damn time?"

"…Yes sir." Both Eva pilots mumbled in unison, giving each other a look.

"Good. I'll hold you to that." The man turned to leave with those menacing parting words, speaking blithely over his shoulder. "Take the rest of the day to get yourselves sorted out and catch up on your schoolwork. No PT tomorrow, report to me down in the lobby at 0600 hours with your rifles, bayonets fixed." He shot Asuka a parting glare as he disappeared around the corner.

"…And a properly pressed uniform."

"Hey, idiot." Asuka muttered as she looked hopelessly down at her uniform laid out on the ironing board.

"Hm?" Shinji looked up from the kitchen table where he was working away at his homework. "Yeah, what's up?" he said in that infuriatingly innocent little voice of his.

"Can you, uh… schieße, would you come show me how to work this stupid thing?" She gestured to the hot iron sitting on the board. Try as she might, she could not seem to get it to smooth her clothes out no matter how hard she pressed.

It pained her greatly to have to do this, but she consoled herself with the thought that by being the first to ask for help like the Canadian told them to, she was winning in a way. Since the man left, an awkward silence had prevailed in the apartment as she and her roommate tried to make good use of their afternoon off, setting about completing their share of the daily chores and trying to avoid eye contact with one another. Well, she'd had enough of it. One of them had to work up the courage to speak, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be him.

"Oh, uh, okay…" The boy slowly stood and made his way over to her while she made a show of tapping her foot impatiently. He picked up the iron and examined it, before letting out a chuckle.

"What is so funny?" she demanded.

"Well, uh, it's a steam iron, Asuka. You have to put water in here for it to work." He flipped open a little port on top of the thing, before unplugging it and filling it up over the sink.

"…I knew that" she grumbled quietly.

"Uh huh." Shinji just nodded as he plugged it back in and fiddled with the knob on top. "I'm pretty sure this is polyester, so you need to get it pretty hot, but not too hot or you'll scorch it." She bristled at being lectured by the likes of him, but if there's one thing he knew well, it was doing these sorts of menial domestic tasks that she considered far beneath her. "…And you need to make sure you stretch the clothes out flat on the board. Here, lemme show you." He tried to start pressing her tunic, but she would have none of it, moving to snatch the iron out of his hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it now, gimme th- OW!" Her sudden move caused him to flinch, and her hand grabbed the hot part of the iron rather than the handle. She stumbled backwards, clutching her reddening hand close to her chest, before turned her furious eyes up at Shinji, hoping he wouldn't notice the involuntary tears welling up in them from the pain

"Look at what you did, you moron! My hand!" she cried out at the boy, who just stood there staring at her for a moment with those big stupid eyes of his. His reaction was not what she expected. He set the iron down and took a few tentative steps forward, before gingerly extending his own hand towards her.

"…Let me see it," he said in a quiet but strangely firm voice.

"No! Get away from me!" She backed away further

"Asuka, please…" he took another step towards her. "…I uh, I know a little bit about burns. M-maybe I can help…"

She glared at him for a moment, before he added. "…We're a team. You'd the same for me, r-right?" Her anger faded slightly as she met his gaze, and she reluctantly allowed the boy to take her burned hand, if only so she could use the other to wipe her eyes. He examined it for a moment, gently touching her palm and giving her a concerned look as she drew a sharp breath between her teeth from the sharp needle of pain that ran up her arm. "…It doesn't look too bad," he said after a moment, leading her over to the sink.

"Here." He held her hand under the stream of cool water for a moment, and she let out a ragged breath at the blessed relief. Shinji looked over at her a for a moment, before quickly looking away with an embarrassed blush as he let go of her had. "Uh… j-just keep it under the water for a minute. I'll go get the first aid kit."

She was too surprised by the sudden show of assertiveness from her roommate to do anything but nod as he opened one of the kitchen cupboards and rummaged around inside, pulling out a small metal box. He blew a thick layer of dust off the top before opening it and withdrawing a tube of ointment of some kind.

"O-okay, dry your hand off and rub some of this stuff onto it. It'll make it feel better." He handed her the tube, and she silently did so. The cooling sensation of the gel felt incredible, but it did nothing to stop a rising feeling of helplessness in her as Shinji expertly wrapped a strip of bandage around her wounded hand.

"There," he said with a small smile. "It should be just fine in a few days, j-just make sure to change the bandage once in a while."

The girl could do nothing but stare down at her bandaged hand as she collapsed heavily into one of the kitchen chairs. "Well, that's it, then, isn't it? I'm off the operation," she mumbled forlornly. "No way I can hold a rifle with my hand like this." She wiped her eyes and looked down at the table, feeling a way she'd never felt before. Useless. "Guess I'm good for nothing, just like the major says. Can't even use a stupid iron…"

Shinji stood and looked down at her for a few moments, before taking the seat opposite her. "He never said you were good for nothing, Asuka," he said slowly. "…Just that you, uh, need to work on certain things, j-just like me."

"Oh, please," she spat. "He hates me. I get yelled at all the time, while you and little miss perfect get treated with the kiddie gloves. In fact, you're the favorite, aren't you? Just look at that ribbon!" She shot an accusatory look at him, gesturing to the rectangle of red cloth pinned to his tunic. "I'm ten times the pilot you'll ever be! Where's my medal, huh?"

"…He yells at me too, Asuka." he responded quietly, directing his eyes down to the schoolwork in front of him. "…And the medal used to be his, h-he gave to me before you got here. He, uh, he used to be really nice to me, y'know, and I thought maybe he was a good person, despite..."

"Despite the fact that he's a killer? Yeah, right." She rolled her eyes at his naivety. "I hate to break it you, but I think the nice guy was all just an act. He killed people, idiot, and he was the best at it. And trust me, you don't get to be the best by being nice." She looked up to try and flash him a smug grin, but her heart wasn't in it, and he was too busy staring down at his homework to give her anything other than a mumbled affirmation.

"Um, Asuka?" the boy piped up after a while, giving her a furtive glace as she sat across from him and wallowed in her misery, tangling with the fact that the major would no doubt replace her with little miss perfect when he saw her crippled hand.

"…What?" she murmured in response, fiddling with the bandage.

"Could you, uh, maybe help me with this chemistry assignment?" He tapped his finger against the open notebook in front of him. "…It's converting grams to moles, I-I can't wrap my head around it."

"Heh, no surprise there," she replied with a mirthless chuckle. She knew exactly what he was up to, trying to console her by giving her a chance to reclaim some of her lost pride. "Gimme that," she ordered, deciding to accept the offering as the boy slid the notebook across the table towards her.

"Ah, this is easy. You just need to make sure you have the right atomic weight for each element in the molecule. Here, look." She solved a few of the problems on the worksheet, talking through the steps for each until the process seemed to get through his thick skull.

"Oh, o-okay, I get it now. Thanks, Asuka," he said as he took back the notebook and set to work.

"Don't mention it." She couldn't help but crack the tiniest of smiles as she watched him. Her hand was feeling a bit better now. Who knows, maybe if she wore some gloves, she might still be able to handle a weapon.

"And, uh, thank you for uh…" she muttered, looking away as Shinji's eyes flickered up in surprise.

"… Well, you know what. Idiot."

A/N: Thanks, as always, for taking the time to read the ill-conceived scractchings of a lunatic with too much time on his hands, I'm blown away by how many people have done so and sincerely appreciate all the incredibly kind reviews. It's been pointed out that I may have been pouring it on a little heavy with the Canadiana lately, like one pours warm maple syrup over a stack of pancakes... Okay, fair enough, although I would point out that we're seeing most of this story through the eyes of someone who harbors some complicated feelings towards their country, and may unconsciously be looking back with rose-tinted glasses, more to come on that later. I also never meant to meant to give the impression that Canada could beat the U.S in anything resembling a stand-up fight, of course we can't. Even in this alternate timeline, I see it as being more of a case of barely holding out until help arrives, having to give a lot of ground and suffer terrible casualties in doing so, and then fighting a long battle of attrition that ends up being ruinous and futile for both sides. Again, even though it's not the main focus, it's definitely something I intend to go in to more detail about in future chapters, but for now, hope you enjoyed!