We're Wizards, Not Warriors: What If, Volume 5

by B.E.A.T.N

Once again brought to you by me and SuperSentai199, we bring you a follow up to our retelling of the OG Star Wars trilogy, by doing the sequels! Some big changes will pop up in this story, as we follow Sam and Alastor's son, Anakin Junior, as he joins Rey and Finn on their journey to find his uncle Luke.

3. Chapter 3

We're Wizards, Not Warriors: What If

Volume 5:

Chapter 3: Solo, Clawthorne and Titan!

We return to the First Order Star Destroyer above Jakku.

Lieutenant Mitaka moves towards Kylo Ren, who looks out across the star field.

Mitaka swallows, uneasy with his task before he says, "Sir. We were unable to acquire the droid on Jakku. The Jedi nor the other droid were with him."

Kylo Ren turns to look at him, but says nothing.

Mitaka continues, "they escaped capture aboard a stolen Corellian YT model freighter."

Kylo Ren said, "the droids, and a single man…. Stole a freighter?"

Mitaka said, "not exactly, sir. They had help."

Ren says nothing. Which says everything.

Mitaka sweats in pure fear as they continue, "we have no confirmation, but we believe FN-2187 may have been helped in the escape-"

Ren ignites his lightsaber and slashes at the console behind him! Mitaka winces and looks away from the horrible sounds of Ren's rage. Eventually, Mitaka looks up to see the metallic wall behind Ren is ripped with glowing scars.

Ren growled, "anything else?"

"The group were accompanied by a girl-", Mitaka said nervously.

Kylo Ren reaches out, and Mitaka is violently pulled towards him, into his black glove!

Kylo Ren growled, "what girl?"

….

Back on the Falcon….

Both Rey and Ani are trying to fix the damage on the ship as steam is still rising.

Rey said, "it's the motivator! Grab me a Harris wrench, check in there!"

As Finn checks a storage box, Rey disappears down below, overwhelmed by the technical issues as Ani rises back up to pass tools to Rey.

Finn asked, "how bad is it?!"

Ani said, "well…. On a scale of one to ten-"

Rey shouted, "if we wanna live, not good!"

Ani said, "so like…. A negative six on the scale!"

"They're hunting for us now, we gotta get outta this system", Finn said.

Rey re-emerges, Finn hands her the wrench.

Rey said, "BB-8 said the location of the Resistance Base is 'need to know.' If I'm taking you there, I need to know!"

Rey goes under again, leaving Finn, Ani, Lola and BB-8 alone. Finn contemplates telling the truth. This is his moment. But instead, he kneels to BB-8 and says quietly, "you gotta tell us where the base is."

Ani asksd, rhetorically, "why don't you?"

BB-8 beeps.

Finn said, "I don't speak that. Alright, betweenus, I'm not with the Resistance, okay?"

BB-8 backs up.

Ani whispers, "I thought I sensed you lying!"

Finn said, "I'm just trying to get away from the First Order, but you tell me and Rey where your base is, I'll get you two there first, deal?!"

BB-8 cocks his head

Finn said, "droid, please."

Ani said, "I trust you Finn, you saved us, and tried to save Poe, that counts for something, but I'm gonna let BB-8 decide before I say anything."

Rey then pops up again.

"Pilex driver, hurry", Rey said.

Finn moves for the tool.

Rey asked, "so where's your base?"

Finn says, "go on BB-8, tell her."

BB-8 looks back and forth between the three people around him.

Finn whispered, "please!"

She and Finn look to BB-8, who considers the whole situation, then beeps.

Rey asked, "the Ileenium system?

Ani said, "that's it!"

Finn hands her the tool, surprised but thrilled. Rey disappears below again.

A smiling Finn gives BB-8 a thumbs up. BB-8 quickly extends his welding torch and turns it upward, then retracts it.

"I'll drop you guys at Ponemah Terminal. I need the bonding tape, hurry", Rey said.

Finn starts searching for the tape.

Ani sees it, but wants to mess with their new friend.

Finn asked, "what about you?"

Rey said, "I gotta get back to Jakku!"

Finn loses his mind as Ani looks like he got hit with a racket!

Finn yelled, "BACK TO JAK-?! Why does everyone always wanna go back to Jakku?!"

Ani said, "I agree with Finn. No offense Rey, but you live in a junkyard."

Rey said as she kept pointing to the tape, "no, that one! No. No. The one I'm pointing to! No. NO. NO. If we don't patch it up, the propulsion tank will overflow and flood the ship with poisonous gas!"

BB-8 has moved to Finn and tips his head over to where the tape is, Finn grabs it and hands it over to Rey.

Finn asked, "this?"

"Yes", Rey said.

Finn asked, "hey. Rey. You're a pilot, you can fly anywhere! Why go back?! You got a family? You got a boyfriend? Cute boyfriend?"

The steam and alarm stops as Rey pops up, annoyed and blushing bright red.

Rey says, "none of your business, THAT'S WHY!"

Rey and Ani glance at one another at the boyfriend remark. Finn doesn't notice.

BB-8 and Lola seem to notice though, and make the droid equivalent of a snickers.

Rey and Ani blush again.

But then, all of the ship's power goes out. BB-8 grows nervous at the sudden darkness, as does Lola.

Finn said, "... that can't be good."

"No it can't be", Rey said.

Ani helps her get up and the two head to the cockpit with Finn behind them.

"Someone's locked onto us, all controls are overridden", Rey said.

Finn quickly and awkwardly climbs up to look out the glass of the cockpit.

Rey said, "get off. Get off! See anything?"

Finn muttered, "... Oh no."

Ani asked, "oh no? What oh no?"

We see a massive freighter; it's giant hangar opens like a huge mouth which swallows the Falcon like a whale!

Finn plops into his seat, horrified.

"It's the First Order", Finn said.

Ani asked, "you sure?"

"I'm positive", Finn said.

Rey asked, "what do we do then?"

Finn asked, "you said poisonous gas right?"

"Yes, but I fixed it", Rey said

Finn asked, "can you unfix it?"

Rey stares at him and gets his plan!

Ani caught onto the young man's plan as well.

Ani said, "Finn, if I weren't into women, I'd kiss you!"

The group chuckled, despite their situation.

The group then heads off to start their plan. They grab the gas masks hanging in the lounge.

Finn, Ani and Rey, gas masks on, quickly climb into the open grating area.

Rey said, "c'mon BB-8. C'mon Lola."

"I got it", Finn said.

Rey hands BB-8 to Finn and he falls down as the droid weighs a lot.

"I'm okay. BB-8 get off me….", Finn groaned.

Under the grating, Finn pulls the grating over them as Rey works on the controls.

Ani is right next to her, the two of them almost squeezed together, their faces close.

Rey asked, "you think this'll work on the Scouts?"

Finn said, "yeah. Their masks filter out smoke, not toxins."

Ani was curious about how Finn knew this, but didn't press further.

The lights come on and the sound of the ramp lowering is heard.

"Hurry", Finn said.

Finn quickly shuts the graye as the doors open….

And into the ship comes Han Solo and Chewbacca!

They board the Falcon, weapons at the ready for combat, operating silently, with hand signals only.

Han grows a warm smile as he says, "Chewie, we're home."

Then came three others.

First was an older Eda, her hair all gray and pulled into a ponytail.

Next was King, who was as short as ever, but had longer horns now.

And finally, a young woman with short black hair, in an outfit identical to what her father wore when he and Chewie first teamed up.

Her name was Breha Skywalker Solo Organa.

Han and Leia's daughter, named after Leia's adopted mother.

"Everything looks the same", King said.

Eda ran into the lounge and yelled, "thank the force! The couch is still here!"

"Oh aunt Eda", Breha said with a roll of her eyes.

Han gives Chewie a nod to check out the ship. Chewie heads off one way, Han in another.

After a few seconds, the grating above lifts off, hands in surrender, the trio look up at Han, who's training his blaster on them threateningly.

But Ani and Lola recognized them.

Han asked, "where are the others? Where's the pilot?"

Rey said, "we're the pilots."

Han asked, "you two?"

Eda popped her head in and said, "yeah, and I'm NOT bi-sexual."

Chewie talks in his familiar growls and groans.

Rey says, "no, it's true, we're the only ones on board."

Finn asked, "you can understand that thing?"

"And 'that thing' can understand you too, so watch it. Come on outta there", Han said.

They climb up, while BB-8 uses his magnetic arm to quickly pull himself out, and Lola perches herself on Ani's shoulder.

Han asked, "where'd you get this ship?"

Rey said, "Niima Outpost."

Eda asked, "Jakku?! That junkyard?"

Finn said, "thank you! Junkyard!"

Ani said, "told ya!"

Han asked, "told ya we should've double-checked the Western Reaches! Who had it? Ducain?"

"I stole it from Unkar Plutt. He stole it from the Irving Boys, who stole it from Ducain", Rey explained.

Han said, "who stole it from me! Well, you tell him Han Solo and Eda Clawthorne just stole back the Millennium Falcon for good."

As Han looks at this small group, his gaze lands on Ani.

Han said, "what a minute…."

Rey and Finn looked on as Han looked at Ani very closely.

And Han realized who he was looking at.

Han asked, "Ani?"

Ani smiled and said, "hey Uncle Han."

Han then went over and hugged Ani.

Ani happily hugged back as King and Eda yelled, "ANI!"

They ran over and joined the hug.

"Hi Aunt Eda", Ani said, "hi King."

King said, "we missed you so much!"

The hug ended as Chewie came in for one.

Chewie roared as he hugged Ani close to him.

Ani said, "it's great to see you too, Chewie! You haven't changed a bit!"

Rey is in awe at the whole situation and said, "this is the Millenium Falcon! You're Han Solo?!"

Han Solo said, "I used to be."

Ani said, "still are, Uncle Han!"

Finn asked, "you're uncle's Han Solo? The Rebellion General?"

Rey said, "no, the smuggler!"

Finn asked, "wasn't he a war hero?"

Chewie grunted, sounding like he said, "I dunno?"

Eda asked, "anyone curious on who I am?"

Finn asked, "are you Eda Clawthorne?"

Eda cocked a hip and said, "damn right!"

"And I'm King", King said.

Breha said, "shall I hype you up for them?"

"Yes please", King said.

Breha exclaimed, "from the most dangerous realm in the universe! The most vicious being in the galaxy! The ultra rare Titan! KING CLAWTHORNE!"

King gave off a pose.

Rey gave a light clap.

Ani said, "and with that intro out of the way, that's my cousin Breha."

Breha gave a polite wave as her gaze landed on Finn.

"Hello there", Breha said.

Finn said, "h-hi."

Rey asked, "this is the ship that made the Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs, right?"

Breha, Eda, King, Han and Ani yelled, "twelve!"

As Han went to the cockpit he said, incredulously, "fourteen."

Han then goes inside the cockpit and his face is filled with joy. He smiles at once again being in his old ship.

Then he sees something that annoys him.

"Hey", Han said as he walked out of the cockpit, "some moof-milker put a compressor on the ignition line!"

Rey said, "Unkar Plutt did. I thought it was a mistake too, puts too much-"

In unison they say, "-stress on the hyperdrive…."

Han looks at Rey, very impressed.

Ani and Breha smirk at this.

"Well, first things first, we're glad we found you Ani, your fathers are worried sick", Han said.

Ani said, "oh, I'm sure of it."

Finn asked, "father's? As in plural?"

"Yeah, I have three fathers", Ani said.

Finn was shocked by that.

Ani chuckled.

Breha said, "anyway…."

"First we need to get Ani back to his parents. As for you two, we'll drop you off at a nearby planet", Han said.

"Wait no, we need your help", Rey said.

Eda asked, "our help?"

"This droid has to get to the Resistance base as soon as possible", Rey said.

Finn said, "he's carrying a map to Luke Skywalker."

Han stops in his tracks.

Ani, Breha, Eda, King and Han both had unreadable looks on their faces.

Finn said, "you are the Han Solo and Eda Clawthorne that fought with the Rebellion. You knew him."

"Yeah, we knew him", Eda said.

Han said, "we knew Luke."

Suddenly in the distance, a sound was heard.

"Don't tell me a Rathtar's gotten loose", Han said as he hurries out.

Everyone grew wide eyes at the remark.

"Wait? What! Did you just say Rathtars? Hey", Finn shouted.

The group exited the Falcon.

The Falcon is parked in the giant freighter's hangar. Han moves to a control panel, and they all follow him.

Finn asked, "you're not hauling Rathtars on this freighter, are you?"

Han said, "I'm hauling Rathtars."

Ani, "and here I thought you guys couldn't get any crazier."

"Oh great. It's the Guavian Death Gang, they must've tracked us from Nantoon", Eda said.

She and Han head off with the rest of the group following them.

Rey asked, "what's a Rathtar?"

"They're big and dangerous….", Han explained.

Finn asked, "ya ever heard of the Trillia Massacre?!"

Rey said, "no."

Ani, Breha, King and Finn said, "good."

They turn a corner as Han says, "we got three of 'em going to King Prana."

Finn asked, "THREE?! How'd you get them on board?"

Eda said, "we used to have a bigger crew."

Chewie groan-talks, concurring.

Ani said, "this is dangerous. Even for you guys! The guys that screwed over Jabba the Hutt, Boba Fett, and the Empire."

"Don't even mention it", King said.

Breha said, "Eda, King, you guys may wanna head back to the Falcon, get it ready to take off."

"Roger that", Eda said.

Eda and King raced off as Han and Chewie opened up a hatch on the ground.

Han said, "get below deck and stay there until we say so. Don't even think about taking the Falcon."

Rey asked, "what about BB-8?"

Breha said, "he stays with us, until we get rid of the gang, then you can have him back and be on your way."

Ani asked, "are you sure this will work?"

Finn asked, "yeah, what about the Rathtars? Where are you keeping them?"

BAM!

Behind them a giant Rathar Tongue slams into the cargo container window behind Finn.

Han said, "there's one."

Rey asked, "what are you gonna do?"

Han said, "same thing I always do: talk my way out of it."

Ani and Breha snicker as Chewie groans at him.

Han said, "yes, I do. Every time."

A door opens. The Guavian death gang enters.

One man in a suit, and five security soldiers in badass uniforms with round-face helmets. They turn into and stop at one end of the corridor. Han, Breha, Chewie and BB-8 are forty feet away in the middle of the long hall.

"Han Solo. You are a dead man", Bala-Tik said.

Han smiles innocently. BB-8 nervously looks back and forth at the gang, and Han.

Han asked, "Bala-Tik. What's the problem?"

"The problem is we loaned you fifty thousand for this job", Bala-Tik said.

Finn, Ani, Lola and Rey, in the grate, look up, trying to get a view.

Rey whispered, "can you see them?"

Finn whispered, "no."

Ani whispered, "come on."

They start crawling down the crawl space.

Bala-Tik said, "I heard you also borrowed fifty thousand from Kanjiklub."

Breha face-palmed.

Han said, "you know you can't trust those little freaks! How long have we known each other?"

Ani, Rey and Finn arrive under the gang.

"They have blasters", Rey whispered.

"A lot of 'em", Finn whispered.

Ani whispered, "crap baskets."

Bala-Tik said, "the question is how much longer will we know each other? Not long. We want our money back now."

Han said, "ya think hunting Rathtars is cheap? I spent that money."

Bala-Tik said, "Kanjiklub wants their investment back, too."

Han yelled, "I never made a deal with Kanjiklub!"

Bala-Tik said, "tell that to Kanjiklub."

The sound of a portal opening is heard, Han's face goes white as he turns to the other end of the corridor, where Kanjiklub members appear. A gang in a medieval bandito style. Han smiles uncomfortably at the Kanjiklub members. Tasu Leech stood in front.

"Tasu Leech. Good to see you", Han said.

Breha muttered, "oh crap baskets."

"Wrong again, Solo. It's over for you", Tasu Leech said in an alien language as he aimed his weapon at Solo.

Han asked, "boys. You're both gonna get what I promised! Have I ever not delivered for you before?"

Ani, Finn and Rey react to the sounds of the new gang and start crawling back the other way to see them.

Bala-Tik said, "yeah."

Tasu Leech said, "twice!"

Chewie nods as Breha says, "even I have to agree. And I'm your daughter!"

Han asked, "what was the second time?"

"Your game is old. There's no one in the galaxy left for you to swindle", Bala-Tik said.

"Nowhere left for you to hide", Tasu Leech said.

Bala-Tik suddenly noticed the droid and said, "that BB unit…. The First Order is looking for one just like it."

BB-8 hides behind Han's leg.

Breha whispered, "uh oh…."

Bala-Tik said, "and three fugitives."

Ani, Finn and Rey suddenly stop crawling.

"First I've heard of it", Han said.

Below the grating, Finn, Ani and Rey look at one another.

Above, another Kanjiklubber, Razoo Qin-Fee says, "search the freighter."

"Wait wait wait wait. If we close the blast doors in that corridor, we can trap both gangs", Rey whispered.

Finn asked, "close the blast doors from here?"

Ani said, "resetting the fuses should do it."

Rey begins resetting the fuses, sparks shooting from them as they do. Finn quickly joins in, as does Ani. The three finish resetting the fuse boxes.

Rey smiles optimistically.

Finn looks hopeful too.

Ani whispered, "let's hope this works."

Back up top as banks of lights begin going off one by one, The gang looks around.

"I've got a bad feeling about this",Han whispered.

"Me too", Breha said.

Suddenly all the lights come on again, even down below, where Rey realizes it hasn't gone as planned.

Rey whispered, "oh no."

Finn asked, "oh no, what?"

Ani said, "I think those were the wrong fuses…."

"Kill them! And take the droid", Bala-Tik shouted.

Then behind the gang, appears a Rathtar!

Everyone starts to scatter!

Han, Breha, Chewie and BB-8 race down the hall, and a member of the Kanjiklub gang comes around the corner. Han punches him with one blow, throws him toward the Rathtar. They keep running.

Ani, Rey and Finn hurriedly crawl through the space below decks.

Finn yelled, "this was a mistake!"

Rey yelled, "huge!"

Ani yelled, "ya think?!"

Two Guavian Death Gang members run through the ship, passing Tasu Leech, who sees another Kanjiklub member down the corridor, who gets grabbed by a tentacle! Tasu tries to help him, but he gets pulled up and away! Tasu hears a distant terror-scream of a Rathtar, and runs the other way. Other Kanjiklub members yell at him to avoid that direction, they all turn a corner. A Rathtar is there and grabs the two others! Tasu fires at the beast and runs off and we land on a floor hatch, which opens. Ani, Rey and Finn climb out quickly.

As they turn a corridor, Rey asks, "what do they look like?"

They turn another corner, and several gang members are battling a Rathtar! Rey covers her mouth in shock.

Finn said, "they look like that."

Ani yelled, "run like children!"

The trio then run as fast as they could!

"This way", Finn shouted.

Rey shouted as they ran, "are you sure?"

Ani yells, "run now! Ask questions later!"

They scream and run off, but Finn is grabbed and pulled away fast!

Rey and Ani yell, "FINN!"

"Rey! Ani", Finn shouted as he tried to break free!

Ani and Rey turn the corner, but Finn is gone, and is nowhere to be seen.

Rey yelled, "FINN!"

Ani yelled, "FINN!"

Rey then spots a control panel and runs over to it. Ani runs over to it as well.

They see a number of video monitors of the ship, on one monitor is Finn, being dragged by a Rathtar toward an open blast door.

Ani said, "wait for it…."

Rey's hand on the button, she waits….

Anu yelled, "now!"

She then slams the button!

The blast door instantly closes on the Rathtars tentacle! It screams in pain and it lets go of Finn.

Finn scrambles up, desperately shaking the sticky tentacle off his leg!

Rey and Ani arrive and rush over to Finn.

"Finn", the two shouted.

"It had me! But the door….", Finn said.

Rey said, "that was lucky!"

Ani yelled, "let's get the kriff outta here!"

The trio began to run.

Lola beeped.

"Yes, let's never mention this to my fathers", Ani said to his droid.

….

Breha, Han, Chewie and BB-8 take cover, Han and Breha exchange blaster fire with gang members at the other end of the hall.

Han said, "I got the door. Cover us!"

Chewie groans in agreement. Chewie and Breha fire down the hall as Han crosses the corridor, BB-8 following nervously. As Breha and Chewie exchange blaster fire, Han works the controls.

The hatch opens just as Chewie is hit in the shoulder! He goes down with a loud groan.

"Chewie", Han and Breha shouted.

Breha quickly grabs Chewie's bowcaster and shoots every gang member she sees.

Breha then fires at the door controls and the doors open.

Han said, "woah."

Rey, Finn and Ani are then seen running towards the group.

Rey yelled, "Han!"

Finn and Rey race past BB-8.

As they go up the ramp, Han says to Rey, "you, close the door behind us" Han turns to Finn and says, "you, take care of Chewie!"

Han and Rey race up the ramp as Finn and Breha head up with Chewie, who screams wildly in pain!

Han sees Ani stop in the middle of the hangar.

Han yelled, "Ani, come on!"

Rey stands there near the controls to the door, watching Ani.

Ani yells, "get the ship ready, I'll buy some time!"

Han seemed to catch on as he ran to the cockpit.

All of the gang members stop lined up, watching Ani.

They all see Ani reach into his cloak, pulling out a silver, cylindrical object.

He raises it up in both hands, and presses a button on the side.

Emerging from the top was a vibrant blue blade.

One of the gang members yells, "men, focus your fire on…. On the Jedi!"

The gang members then began to fire upon Ani.

Rey went wide-eyed at what she saw.

Ani deflected every bolt as he backed up towards the ship!

Ani then threw his hand forward and that sent a few gang members flying towards the wall!

Ani then threw his lightsaber into the chest of a gang member before calling it back into his hand.

Ani then ran back to the ship.

He yelled, "let's get outta here!"

He turned to see Rey looking at him in shock.

Ani said, "escape first, explain later."

Rey nods her head as she runs to the cockpit.

Han was at the controls as Eda and King were hanging onto the couch.

Han asked, "hey, what are you doing?"

"Unkar Plutt installed a fuel pump too, if we don't prime that we're not going anywhere", Rey said.

"I hate that guy", Han said.

Han sits as Rey begins hitting buttons.

Rey said, "and you could use a co-pilot."

Han said, "I got one, he's back there."

In the lounge, Chewie is screaming in pain.

"Watch the thrust, we're goin' out of here at lightspeed", Han said.

Rey is shocked and asked, "from inside the hangar? Is that even possible?"

Han said, "I never ask that question until after I've done it."

Breha said, "I was there when it happened, so trust him, he knows what he's doing…."

A Rathtar jumps onto the windshield and Rey screams.

Han works the controls and says, "this is not how I thought this day was gonna go. Angle the shields. Hang on back there!"

Chewie is howling in pain, as Finn is searching through a first aid kit.

Finn, "no problem!"

It was a huge problem.

Three gang members race out here and fire at the falcon, hitting fuel lines, blasting the ship hard!

"Come on baby, don't let me down", Han said.

He hits a switch but nothing seems to happen."

Han asked, "what?!"

Breha said, "deja vu, huh?"

But Rey reaches over, hits a switch, matter-of-factly and says, "compressor."

Han then hits the switch again.

The hangar is filled with a lightspeed blast as the attacking gang members are blasted back like dried leaves. In the cockpit, the Rathtar rips away as the stars stretch out before them.

We see Bala-Tik arrive at the window of the hangar.

"Inform the First Order that Han Solo has the droid they want. And it's aboard the Millennium Falcon", Bala-Tik said into a comlink.

….

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