A/N: Long time no write! Frankly, I've been working almost exclusively on AO3. I just enjoy it more now. Still, I thought I'd share this Crackfic over here because people over on AO3 like i.

This fic has no serious plotline, it's basically free therapy for me bc I've been hella stressed thanks to some IRL issues (Like only having 4 days off in the last 3 MONTHS, for example). It is stupid, it is silly, it is funny. It has memes, quotes, and music lyrics/references, it suspends disbelief, and I am having a lot of fun and destressing by writing it.

The main points of this fic: OC-Insert with no knowledge of One Piece wakes up in One Piece. It's set Pre-Canon, as in Ace JUST left Dawn Island and is getting his FIRST Bounty. OC will NOT be joining the Strawhats, is a neurodivergent mess, and I haven't even decided if she'll eventually become a Pirate or not, that's far off.

Anyways, this fic is strictly for fun. Plz don't bother asking about my other fics ATM because y'all are lucky i could even get the motivation to work on this tbh. IRL is awful and I hate the world at the moment, let me be happy here. And, if any of you feel the same, I hope this silly thing helps you as well.

Enjoy

Rock the Boat

Full Summary: Sasha woke up floating in a rowboat on the ocean with no memory of how she got there and only the debris of an obviously destroyed ship around her, and a big ass goose egg on her head. She comes to the conclusion that she MUST have been kidnapped and that Karma took pity on her dumbass and smote her captors.

Or an angry sea god. She's not picky. She just knows that she has to live, that she has no idea where she is, and that the weather is weird as fuck.

Bear Grylls, don't fail her now!

(AKA: A girl that uses internet-humor, memes, and music to keep her sanity is dropped into the world of One Piece, which she has barely any/next-to-no knowledge about, and tries to survive. No one is ready for her, especially her.)

Edit: FFN once again removed a lot of my Italics and Bolds so that's fixed now.

0321...

Sasha came to suddenly with a sputtering gasp when icy cold water splashed over her face.

"What the fuck, hello?" she sputtered, rubbing roughly at her eyes as she sat up, the meme jumping straight to the forefront of her sleep-addled mind before she hunched over with a hiss as the pain in her skull drowned it out. "Whomst've the fuck hit me, goddamn fucking ow." Wincing, she pulled her hand tentatively from what felt like a fucking ostrich egg on her head, grimacing at the faint blood that graced her fingers. Before she could reach up, more icy water splashed over her, making her flinch and sputter as she lifted her aching head to squintily glare around herself unhappily.

Water.

Nothing but water all around her… Well, water and some random bits of floating wood and barrel-looking things. Honestly, it almost looked like she was in some weird VR version of the game Raft, but without the game quality and instead it was all too realistic.

"What the fuck," she breathed, staring out at the fucking ocean. "What the fuck? How the fuck? What?" She was on the ocean. At sea. In a… A boat? A little rowboat, at least. She was in a rowboat in the middle of the fucking ocean with a big ass bump on her head. Fuck, did she get kidnapped? Did someone kidnap her dumbass and then throw her overboard in a boat after realizing that her dumbass was, well, dumb?

…She couldn't even remember where she'd been before this.

"What the fuck," she repeated, this time a moaning sigh, slumping carefully back down in her little boat and covering her face with her hands. "Well, this is a fucking picnic we've gotten ourselves into, isn't it?" With another soul-deep sigh, Sasha forced herself back up, grimacing as her head ached at her. "Okay, let's just, fuck, what does Bear Grylls say? The fucking meme…" She struggled to remember, before snapping her fingers as she did. "Right! Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. Let's get this shit together, since mine never will be!" Carefully getting to her feet, Sasha determinedly grabbed one of her little boats oars and began to awkwardly use it to start pulling pieces of debris over to start making some sort of… Well, she didn't know, probably a little house or shelter or something.

"Video games and Bear Grylls don't fail me now," she muttered as she got the first bit over, a chunk of heavy cloth half-wrapped around a big chunk of wood. Humming All I do is Work absently as she, well, got to work, Sasha threw herself into her self-appointed task.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

Survive.

()()()()()

She was starting to think her Kidnapping Theory was closer to reality than she'd hoped. But, instead of throwing her Dumbass™ overboard, it was starting to look like whoever kidnapped her had gotten destroyed by either a storm or karma. Maybe a god or something, that could happen, she supposed, what did she know, maybe Poseidon or the Kraken or Davy Jones or something actually existed? Anyways, whatever destroyed the ship she was guessing she had been on? She was very grateful.

After all, when one of the barrels she'd slowly managed to pull over had been full of manacles and collars, all of which were human sized, and some of them used, well.

"I hope the fuckers who did this shit are burning in the fieriest pits of whatever hell exists for them," she declared, glaring angrily down at the barrel of slave wear. "In fact, if they hoped to ever see any kind of paradise, I hope they spend twelve years in Azkaban waiting only to be told psych and tossed into the fucking Pit behind Denny's at three AM." Dumping the putrid trash into the sea, grumbling an absent apology to the ocean for the littering, wincing, she got back to work. She'd managed to gather enough of the tarp-like cloth to cobble together a blanket/poncho type of thing, a small barrel of what tasted like clean water, and enough small chunks of wood to make herself a rudimentary lean-to-like shelter, but there was seemingly still plenty of daylight so she would keep working.

()()()()()

It started raining a few hours after she'd stopped finding good material. Sasha had spruced up her awkward lean-too shelter with some more of the torn sail-cloth, had added two metal pails she'd found, and added another barrel of possible water to her first one. As soon as the rain started, she popped the lids off of both barrels and set one of the pails out was well, humming It's Raining Men to herself as she pulled up the makeshift hood she'd made herself for her sail-cloth-poncho.

And then the oranges started falling.

"…Mc-Fucking-Scuze me?" She asked the sky, disbelievingly, as she watched the Halo-sized kiddie oranges splat into the water all around her, and into her boat. "…God?" She asked next, peering up at the sky warily as she hid in her lean-too, not wanting to get hit with anything. "I just wanna talk." After a few more moments of just, pure disbelieving befuddlement, she quickly began snatching up the oranges and putting them in the empty barrel that had once held the manacles and now held ropes, more scraps of sail-cloth, and, well, now oranges. She ended up using the second pail as a helmet in order to gather more oranges as she darted around her small boat, yelping occasionally when a Halo hit her particularly hard.

"Fuck!" She cursed as one smacked her in the back of the neck as she was ducking back into her lean-too. "That hurt like a buttcheek on a stick," she hissed, rubbing the sore part with a wince, her still-injured head now having a whole orchestra of pain starting to accompany it as her body protested the most recent abuses. Peering at her now-full barrel of oranges, she bobbed her sore head decisively and carefully pulled off her makeshift helmet to set it out for more water-or-oranges, and settled inside her lean-too with a hum, curling up under her poncho and just watching the fruit-filled rain.

"…It's raining fruit," she sang softly, amused, as she watched on. "Hallelujah, it's raining fruit…"

Time drifted on.

()()()()()

The rain let up before the sun set, and Sasha enjoyed a full dinner of oranges. The whole boat had oranges in it now, however, and everything smelled like citrus, but at least it hadn't gotten drastically cold. Curled up in her Lean-Too, using a folded piece of sail-cloth stuffed with ropes as a pillow, Sasha hoped that she'd find land soon. Or at least something to fish with. The ocean was filled with random trash, right? That's what the internet and eco-people were always saying, so she hoped that she'd run into some trash she could use soon.

Staring up at the stars, the big ass goose egg on her head pulsing along with her heartbeat, Sasha sighed and closed her eyes.

"Improvise, adapt, overcome," she murmured quietly as she carefully curled up inside her poncho, ducking her face into the little collar she'd managed to make. "Survive…"

Day One, survived.

A/N: Hope you at least smiled, see you next chapter

Also, feel free to review your favorite vine/meme quotes, or even songs you think would go good with this fic or One Piece in general. I've got the next two chapters already posted on AO3 so those will be going up here immediately but after that who knows lol