A/N: Last of the Pre-Written chapters, enjoy

Rock the Boat

Full Summary: Sasha woke up floating in a rowboat on the ocean with no memory of how she got there and only the debris of an obviously destroyed ship around her, and a big ass goose egg on her head. She comes to the conclusion that she MUST have been kidnapped and that Karma took pity on her dumbass and smote her captors.

Or an angry sea god. She's not picky. She just knows that she has to live, that she has no idea where she is, and that the weather is weird as fuck.

Bear Grylls, don't fail her now!

(AKA: A girl that uses internet-humor, memes, and music to keep her sanity is dropped into the world of One Piece, which she has barely any/next-to-no knowledge about, and tries to survive. No one is ready for her, especially her.)

EDIT: Fixed the Italics and Bolds that FFN Hates for whatever reason (Peace Sign)

0123

You never truly comprehend how dangerous a wild animal is until you're face-to-face with one with no zoo-walls or glass between you. Sasha had a vague, disjointed memory of being at a zoo, and having a lion asleep next to the observation-rooms glass. She thinks she might have been ten or so, smaller and weaker and happier, she thinks. And she remembers that feeling, that "It's so big and I'm so little" feeling, as she pressed her hand against the glass where the lion's own paw was pressed and saw that her tiny hand barely covered the main paw pad, not even touching the toe-beans of the snoozing predator.

This feeling now, staring up at the ginormous Serpent as it slowly turned its dark-purple eyes on her, the fins on either side of its head that looked like some artists play at mermaid-dog-ears, flaring to attention as its eyes locked on her and her tiny boat… This feeling was what she thought a baby mouse felt when a human foot approached. Frozen with shock that surpassed fear as it approached, the massive head slowly lowering towards her. She was cold with it, lungs burning as she held her breath as the Serpent tilted its bus-sized head so that one of those large, liquid purple eyes could stare directly at her, her little boat almost long enough to cross it.

There were flecks of lavender and pink in that massive iris, she noted, and, as is usual, her filter is nonexistent.

"Oh, holy fuck mothering fuck, you're so pretty I think I'll die from it," she blurted, making the Serpent blink in surprise, ear-fins perking. "You're such a gorgeous blue and your eyes, holy shit, people would literally commit treason for eyes like yours, you lucky bitch, oh my god." Slowly, the Serpent pulled back from her little boat, ears-fins fluttering and those unfairly pretty eyes glancing down and away before slowly sliding back to her, half-lidded, as it ducked its head.

"I am so fucking jealous," she told the Serpent with complete honesty. "I've got green-brown eyes and brown hair and some freckles, I'm so plain compared to you, you bitch, I'm so fucking jealous, holy fuck. And you're so fucking sleek and dangerous, you look like you could kill like a whale with ease, oh my god that's so impressive, you magnificent asshole." The Serpent puffed up, shaking its head as if it had a mane of hair to flip… Which, she realized, it kind of did. It had a mane sort of like a horse, or what she vaguely remembered some Asian dragons did…

Fuck, what was it, the cartoon movie about a bathhouse and the pretty white-and-green dragon. That's what she thought of as she continued complimenting the massive Serpent, but more aquatic, no antlers, with ear-fins. And a doggy-er face.

…She really wished her memories would just chill already, for fucks sake…

It was as she was compliment-bitching about how it looked like it literally had Sakura petals in its eyes, what the fuck, that she caught sight of something sharp and shiny in its eyelid.

"—And oh my fucking god is that a fucking fishhook?! In your eye?!" She broke off with a shriek, flailing her hands in horror and cringing instinctively. "Oh my fucking god that's just, no! No, what the fuck, no! How the fuck?! That's just, that must be so fucking annoying! Like, like a metal eyelash, what the fuck?!" She shook herself, arms flapping about herself as her body tried to commune the, just, immediate mental image that the sight conveyed.

"That's just, no, unacceptable, come down here and I'll get that out of your eye for you, sweetheart," she urged, making 'gimmie' motions with her hands. The Serpent stared down at her in clear bemusement, but seemingly decided that it wouldn't hurt to indulge her, and carefully leaned itself down to once more put one of those beautifully magnificent eyes beside her. Sasha made a despairing sound as she realized that there was more than one hook caught in the softer tissue of the Serpents eyelid.

"Oh, baby, noooo," she whined, fluttering her fingers over the various imbedded hooks, feather-light and eyes watering in sympathetic pain. Logically, she figured that these were the equivalency of wearing wool on bare skin to such a large creature—maybe itchy, maybe annoying, but easily ignorable. But the almost-cruelty hurt.

There was a reason she could never understand why people hurt animals, after all, and it was that she loved them. Animals of all kinds, even insects, shouldn't needlessly suffer. Like, she wasn't vegan or vegetarian, but that didn't mean she supported those farms that harmed their animals needlessly, and she especially hated those who did so maliciously. Humans? Humans were nine-times-outta-ten assholes. There were plenty that she could totally understand murdering. And torturing animals? That was a good reason, in her opinion. This didn't seem malicious, a lot of the little hooks looked like they'd snagged her new blue friend as they passed them by, but it just reiterated the fact that humans did a lot of accidental harm to nature and its creatures.

"Come on, sweetheart," she crooned softly, resting her palms against the warm skin of the Serpents cheek, smiling tearfully into that large, liquid eye as it peered at her. "Let's get you seen to, hmm?" It stared at her, something like wonder in its gaze, before pressing oh-so-gently , tentatively, against her palms, and letting its lids fall closed.

Beaming, eyes stinging with tears and a bit of sea-spray as the still wave-y sea added her two cents in, Sasha began to carefully get to work, gently excising the hooks from her friend's lids. She tossed the freed hooks into the little foot-space at the front of her boat, plans to dump out one of the orange-barrels for stored already vaguely plotted before she found herself hyper-fixating on the task at hand.

Time passed unheeded as she steadily worked, with only the waves, the steady breaths of the Serpent, and the steady, metallic plink-plink sounds of tossed hooks surrounded them.

()()()()()

Forty-seven hooks, some trailing various lengths of fishing line, around her friend's right eye. Seventy-three of the same around the left. And, as it lifted its head with a pleased. Humming sigh, she was dismayed to spot thousands more glittering around its massive teeth as it smiled down at her, not to discount what she was pretty sure was a small ship mast and possibly an anchor stuck in said teeth as well. Her hands clenched with the need to pluck and pick and wiggle them away, the feeling almost a needling, anxious thing, like plucking ticks or flees from a family pet, or lice from a sibling's hair. It was gross, creepy work, but it was somehow weirdly satisfying.

Glancing down at her hands, flexing her sore, aching fingers and frowning at the many, varied stings from cuts and slices, and eying the thick, almost viscous dark blood that soaked them from her friend, Sasha let out a soft, unhappy sound.

"I can't pull anymore hooks from you today, friend," she stated, reluctant but honest, as she peered up at the Serpent, before smiling earnestly. "But I'll always help you with them if you want me to! You've got enough that it'll take me years, probably, with my weak little hands," she admitted, holding her bloody, stinging, aching hands up so those beautiful eyes can see them, only speckles of smears of blood dotting the scaled skin around the Serpents eyes. Its eyes widened, peering at her tiny, blood-soaked limbs, before its whole face lit up in a monstrous, but oddly endearing, expression of joy. It crooned lowly at her, a mix of lion's roar and a cow's moo, before ducking its head down and, oh-so-carefully, pressing the end of its muzzle into her stomach. Sasha couldn't help her surprised, delighted laugh as she let herself slump over the warm snout, ignoring what was no doubt yet another fishhook embedded in her friend's flesh, digging into her left lower ribs. She felt like Alan Grant in that scene with the Triceratops.

"I'm going to name you Blue!" She declared warmly, grinning widely into her friends scaly-skin as she leaned against him. "We're gonna be the best of friends!" The newly named Blue crooned happily back at her, making her bones rattle from the sound and earning another laugh. After a few more moments of just cuddling her giant friend, Sasha leaned back off its nose and beamed up at it.

"One last thing!" She declared, setting her stinging hands on her hips with a nod and a wide grin. "Are you a boy, girl, or neither?" She asked, pointing in different directions. Blue cooed and declared himself a boy, and Sasha joyfully bid him goodbye as he crooned and sank below the waves again. Humming happily—She had two new friends, now! And they were so cool!—Sasha settled down with a quickly emptied bucket to start awkwardly storing and settling the hundred-and-twenty hooks. Biggest at the bottom, smallest at the top. She carefully separated all the string from those that had them, as well, carefully tying them together like a rope and rolling it up to put in her sailcloth pillow with the other ropes.

"Improvise, adapt, overcome!" She chirped happily as she carefully dunked her hands over the side of the boat into the sea, hissing as the salt burned. "Warm seawater has a bacterium I can't remember that makes people hella sick, but cold is okay to use for brief wound cleaning, as long as it's rinsed with fresh water soon after," she quoted to herself, nodding as she pulled her hands out and carefully used the smaller barrel of fresh water to carefully rinse her hands. "Wounds caused by old metals, or metal that's been contaminated with blood, animal or human, can be hella dangerous, so I'll have to keep an eye on them to prevent infection and further illness. So, note to self! Try and make either gloves or wraps for my hands and fingers next time I help Blue." Nodding to herself as she lifted the barrel of water up to take a swig, Sasha had a dinner of oranges and water and decided to row for another hour or two, then she'd rest before rowing some more that night.

"420 said that land was this direction," she muttered out loud, squinting up at the cloudy sky and struggling for a few minutes to locate the sun, low in the sky as it was. "Okay, that means it's South-West to land! I can use the sun and moon to guide me, but if it's too cloudy, I'll just have to hope for the best and readjust when I can."

Nodding determined, she sat down on her little bench, winced as the oars made her hands hurt, and got to rowing.

Improvise, Adapt, Overcome, Survive, she chanted to herself as she rowed determinedly along.

It was going to be okay.

Day Two: Survived!

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, if not, well, I enjoyed it, so /Shrug/