Looking at her watch for the third time in the last minute, Carla tapped her foot impatiently against the hot tarmac. Was this bus ever going to arrive? She tried to distract herself by glancing around at her fellow passengers: a couple of teenagers listening to some rap song loudly through headphones; a young couple who were holding hands and periodically exchanging kisses; and an elderly man leaning on a walking stick, looking almost as intently as Carla in the direction the bus would come from.
After what seemed like a full Yeerk feeding cycle, the bus finally pulled up at the kerb and there was the usual rush for the doors. Carla gestured to the old man, letting him on ahead of her, then hurried onto the bus, passing a few dollars to the driver for the fare.
As she moved up the bus, however, she stopped in her tracks, staring at a pair of young women sitting together about four rows from the back. Involuntaries, ones Carla recognised, which meant they'd be almost certain to know her face if they saw her.
"Get a move on!" came a voice from behind her, which caused one of the girls to look up.
Her eyes bored straight into Carla's own.
"Come on, hurry up!"
Hastily, Carla dropped her eyes to the ground and hurried past the two girls. The only available seats, unfortunately, were either directly in front of or behind them. Opting to have them in her sights rather than the other way around, Carla slid into a seat behind them and held her breath as the bus moved off, hoping they hadn't recognised her.
Her hopes were short-lived, however, as one of them turned around to look at her.
"Hey," she said, smiling at Carla.
Well, that was unexpected. Carla wasn't sure what to think: perhaps the girl recognised her face but couldn't place where she knew it from? But that was unlikely, to say the least. Carla knew exactly who this woman was: Elsa, Silrin's first human host.
"You don't need to look so scared, you know. We're not gonna hurt you, are we, Kelly?"
Kelly also turned around at that, but her face was much more hostile, and she did not smile. "No. Even though I'm sorely tempted."
Elsa glanced sideways. "C'mon, Kel."
Kelly shook her head, her eyes filled with hatred. "I'm not talking to her," she spat, before whipping her head back round.
Well, that probably ruled out the option Carla had been considering for the last few seconds: that they were trying to gain her trust to get her alone and beat her up, or even kill her. If they were planning to do that, then they didn't appear to be working together. Carla let her gaze fall to the floor again, staring at a spot of used gum that had been trodden into the plastic.
"What are you up to these days?"
What the hell was she playing at? Carla could not understand why Elsa was still talking to her in that friendly way, and the uncertainty was worse than facing outright hatred.
"I promise, it's OK. Won't you talk to me?"
Carla kept her eyes firmly on the floor as the barrage of questions continued.
"It's Carla, isn't it?"
"How've you been doing?"
"I'm really not that scary, am I?"
"OK, if you don't want to talk right now that's fine."
Finally, Carla thought to herself. She'd never heard anyone so irritatingly persistent. Once she heard Elsa turn back around and resume her conversation with Kelly, Carla risked glancing at her watch. Great. Still twenty minutes to go. She could only hope they'd get off before she did.
Thankfully, five minutes later they did, as the bus reached the centre of town.
"Well… er… see ya," Elsa said to her as she stood up to get off. "Look after yourself."
Carla curled tighter into herself as they left, wrapping her arms around her belly and squeezing slightly. Her good mood was entirely dissipated now, replaced by fear, confusion and a sudden desperation to see Alniss and the others.
When she arrived home, she found Alniss, Kalran and Hallim sitting together in the living room. Carla quickened her pace, almost running across the room towards them.
"Are you alright?" Alniss asked, concern etching itself across her face. "What's happened?"
Carla could feel the rapidity of her own breathing, how much her eyes had widened. She hadn't realised until now quite how frightened she'd been. "I…" she hesitated, struggling for a moment to catch her breath. "Involuntaries."
Alniss' intake of breath was so sharp it sounded like a hiss. "Did they hurt you?"
Carla shook her head. "No. Just spoke to me."
"Listen, whatever they've said is nonsense. You're wonderful and you don't deserve-"
"You don't even know what they said, Alniss," Kalran pointed out, and was rewarded with a harsh glare.
"One of them said they didn't want to speak to me and the other one kept trying to get me to talk. I don't know what she was up to, but she kept being really nice."
Quizzically, Hallim cocked her head to one side. "Who was it?"
"Elsa. Elsa Martin."
Alniss looked, if it were possible, even more incensed when she heard the name. Hallim, however, seemed to relax a little.
"I used to be a Pool guard. From what I know of her I'd imagine that if she was being nice, she meant it."
"Well, she certainly doesn't hold back from being nasty when she wants to, either," Alniss muttered.
Hallim frowned. "What do you mean?"
"She was Silrin's first human host," Alniss answered. "She nearly made poor Silrin apply for a return to the Pool, she was that cruel to her."
"I'd imagine she had a right to be," Kalran said suddenly.
Shocked, Carla turned to stare at her. "What?!"
"You can never keep quiet when you should, can you!"
It was Alniss who had spoken. Carla had never heard her raise her voice before, and unconsciously wrapped her arms around herself. Alniss, however, didn't seem to notice, as her eyes were fixed on Kalran in a ferocious glare.
"Let's calm down," Hallim suggested gently, reaching to touch Alniss' arm, but Alniss pulled away.
"My sister did nothing wrong," Alniss said fiercely to Kalran.
"I'm not saying she meant to hurt her," Kalran responded, her voice calm. "If I blame anyone I blame the Empire. But nevertheless Silrin will have hurt her by taking her against her will, and who can blame Elsa for responding to that with hostility?"
"Well, Carla didn't!"
Kalran's eyes turned to meet Carla's own, making Alniss belatedly turn as well. "But she didn't take you against your will, did she? You wanted her there."
Carla felt tears prick behind her eyelids, but forced them back. "Yes, of course I did. She took care of me. She was my friend." Swallowing hard, Carla glanced between the three Yeerks. "Is anyone going to explain what's going on?"
"You've heard of the peace movement, haven't you?" Kalran said.
Carla thought for a moment. "The traitor group?"
Kalran smiled. "Yeah, that's us."
"Us?"
"I was in the peace movement for the last few years of the war. My host… she was involuntary, and her pain… it was torture, for me. When I heard there was another way, it felt… it felt like a weight had been lifted, for both of us. She chose to stay with me, and we worked for peace together."
Carla stared in shocked silence for a few moments. "So it's partly your fault we lost," she said finally, her voice slow and cold.
Kalran's face drained of a little colour, and she looked uncomfortable for the first time. "Is this losing?"
Carla wanted to bark out a harsh laugh, to gesture around at herself and the others, to ask if it looked like winning to her. But Kalran was a Yeerk, after all, and Alniss' companion, even if they didn't always get along, so Carla decided not to contradict her.
"Can I go to my room? I'm tired."
"Of course," Alniss said gently.
"You don't have to ask for permission, you know," Kalran said. "You're a free human being, you can go wherever you want."
"If I was that good at being free, I'd be able to afford my own apartment," Carla muttered, turning towards the door. She still hadn't delivered the news she'd planned to, but she didn't feel like doing it now. One of the best days she'd had in a while had turned into one of the worst evenings, and the volunteer work she'd managed to land now felt like a cruel joke, an acknowledgement that the best she was good for was working for free while living off charity herself.
She could hear Alniss' raised voice as she walked down the narrow hallway, telling Kalran off for upsetting her, something Carla received with mixed emotions. Alniss' protectiveness was reassuring, flattering even, but she didn't want to drive a wedge between the two. Sighing, she closed the door to the bedroom and sank down onto her bed, resting her chin on her palms. Maybe things would have calmed down enough by dinnertime, though she assumed Alniss would bring her in a plate if she didn't show up.
Carla began to recite Yeerk myths in her head, something Silrin had always done for her when she'd felt distressed. She tried not to wonder whether, if there'd been no peace movement, Silrin would still be here.