Author's Note: So I'm moving house and won't have internet for a couple of weeks, meaning no updates for a little while. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

It was a few days before Thanksgiving, and Carla was bored.

It wasn't that she wasn't busy. On the contrary, she thought she'd have permanent damage to her wrists from the number of pizzas she was rolling out. It was sticky and hot in the crowded kitchen, despite the fan that was whirring at full speed not too far away from her. She dreaded to think what it would be like in the summer.

No, the boredom was more to do with the loneliness of her mind. Carla hadn't noticed it in her last job, but that had been before she'd moved in with Alniss and the others. Now when she was at home she was surrounded by chatter, by the presence of others, and she had no secrets from Alniss, who heard every detail of her day. It reminded her enough of Silrin's presence in her head to make her miss the constant touch of another mind whenever she was away from the Yeerks.

Carla wordlessly passed the circle of dough, now dressed with tomato sauce and cheese, along to Alan, who added toppings. After several more months of searching, Carla had eventually managed to find a new job, but even with her own paycheck coming in she hadn't wanted to leave the comfort of the flat or the company of the first friends she'd had in some time. Instead, she contributed to rent and food, which was a lot cheaper than moving out on her own anyway. It also avoided the need to have to come home and cook after an entire day (or more usually evening) spent doing just that.

Boredom always ended up with Carla getting lost in her memories, letting her fingers and hands get on with whatever needed doing with no attention. She'd learnt not to resist, letting her mind slide back several years as she kneaded and shaped the soft mass of flour and water in front of her.

"You're sure you want to join us?" Talen 454's voice was soft, her eyes looking kindly into Carla's own.

Carla was still struggling not to think of her as Ellie. Trying to understand the existence of an alien she couldn't see, that looked and acted exactly like a human, was making her head hurt. She toyed with the idea of asking what would happen if she said no. She didn't think she'd exactly be allowed to just walk away, knowing such a secret. Turning her whole life over to an alien wasn't exactly an inviting prospect, but she couldn't help reminding herself that she wasn't exactly doing much else with it.

Talen was watching her carefully, but said nothing, seemingly realising the struggle going on in Carla's mind. Carla stared equally searchingly back into the other woman… alien's… eyes, trying to work out exactly how much she could trust her. Would this hurt? Would they actually even bother helping her? Of course, there was no way they actually cared, like Talen said she did. No-one ever did, not really. But if they would have to live Carla's life for her, they probably had a fair amount of motivation to sort it out, whether they gave a toss about her as a person or not.

"This, er…" Carla trailed off.

"Yeerk?" Talen prompted, with a slight smile.

"Yeah. Will he- she?- will they see everything? Like, all my memories."

Talen nodded. "Yes. Probably, anyway. They'll see a random selection when they first enter your head. No Yeerk can help that. After that they should view all your memories, technically, but there is some flexibility. If there's something you really don't want them to see, you could ask them to avoid it. But they will need to know approximately what it contains."

Carla looked down and swallowed, already feeling ashamed.

"It's important to remember that they aren't human, Carla," Talen murmured.

"Really? I'd never have guessed," Carla muttered sarcastically.

She heard Talen sigh slightly. "You misunderstand me. I mean that what humans and Yeerks think of as embarrassing or shameful is very different. Many hosts assume a Yeerk would feel about them in the same way a human might if they saw all their secrets, but that's simply not the case. My own host was very concerned… very ashamed… about a number of things in her past when I first infested her, but she quickly realised that they meant nothing to me. Human social norms just don't shape a Yeerk's thinking in the same way."

Carla thought about that for a few seconds, then something else occurred to her. "This is gonna sound completely stupid… will they be there even when I go to the bathroom?"

"Almost every potential host asks me that question," Talen said softly. "The answer is yes, but what I said about different norms applies here. For the Yeerk, that's completely normal, and it will soon feel much more natural for you, too."

"Can I have any freedom?"

"The vast majority of voluntary hosts spend substantial periods of time in control of their body. They all have a few hours every three days when the Yeerk leaves their head to feed, and most negotiate daily periods of time where their Yeerk hands them control, although for that the Yeerk is still there."

Carla sat in silence for a while, digesting what she'd just heard, tangling her hands together in her lap. She wondered again whether she should ask what would happen if she said no, but she felt she already knew the answer, and if she was going to end up subject to the will of mind-controlling aliens either way, she didn't want to start off the relationship on the wrong foot.

"Does it hurt?"

"No," Talen answered simply. "Your Yeerk will secrete a natural anaesthetic that will numb your ear canal."

Carla nodded. The answer seemed honest. "Who are they?"

Talen smiled at her. "Your Yeerk's name is Silrin. Silrin six-eight-six of the Gurat Hesh pool. If you were to convert her age to a human lifespan, she'd be around twenty-eight, twenty-nine. She's had one human host before, and a couple of other hosts before that- different species."

"Is she a girl, then?"

"Yeerks don't have human genders, but they usually follow the gender identity of their host when referred to in their host's language."

"What's she like?" Carla caught herself, then, realising how this must sound. "I'm bombarding you with questions, aren't I?"

Talen smiled again. "I think you have a right to, given the situation. She's lovely, Carla. Very kind, sensitive. She worked as a fighter pilot before she took her first human host, then she supported the Sharing, as many of those in human hosts do." Talen flipped over a piece of paper in front of her. "She told me her favourite human food is pepperoni pizza."

This last piece of information was so bizarre that Carla began to laugh, alleviating some of the anxious, trapped feeling inside her. "You quizzed her on her pizza choices?"

"A substantial number of potential hosts want to know about the Yeerk that will infest them. Understandably. So we ask the Yeerk to tell us about their background, and, if they've had a human host before, likes and dislikes."

Carla nodded. "You don't exactly cut corners, do you?" Carla took a deep breath, deciding she'd put off making a decision for long enough. "OK, I guess I'll do it."

Carla noticed a slight change in Talen's face: an expression of relief that was quickly masked. "Thank you, Carla."

"I mean," Carla said, suddenly seized by the urge to say something to distract herself from the terror running through her gut, "if it had been ham and pineapple I'd have said no. Fruit with savoury is just wrong. But I reckon I can live with pepperoni."

Talen laughed, seeming much more relaxed now that Carla had given her consent. She stood up, beckoning to Carla to follow her, and led the way to a table with a single chair next to it. The table supported something covered with a dark cloth.

Talen lifted the piece of material to reveal a small, circular plastic tank full of brown-green, sludgy liquid. There was a curved lip on the upper edge of the tank nearest the chair. A couple of strips of material were attached to this lip, which was strange.

"She's in here," Talen said. "Please sit down, and put one ear under the surface of the water. When you feel ready."

Carla looked at the sludge with disgust. "Do I have to put my ear in there? What even is it?"

"Pool fluid," Talen answered. "It provides us with the nutrients and physical environment we need. It's a solution of mineral rich clay, organic matter and water, warmed a little. That's all."

Carla was pretty sure that sounded like a fancy scientific description of warm mud, but she reminded herself she had little choice in the matter, walked over to the chair, and sat down.

"When you feel ready, turn your head sideways and rest your neck here," Talen instructed, indicating the lip on the plastic tank, which Carla now noticed was the perfect size to hold a human neck. Then she realised the bits of material must be straps, and jerked back suddenly, making the legs of the chair squeal against the floor.

"Are you gonna tie my head down?"

There was a rush of footsteps as Talen hurried over, crouching next to the chair to bring herself to Carla's eye level. "No, not if you don't want me to. Carla, honey, it's okay. Just take your time."

Carla let out a shuddering breath. "OK. OK." After a few seconds, she managed to make herself tuck the chair back up to the table.

"If I may, I would like just to put my hand on the top of your head," Talen said gently. "It's important you keep it still, and most humans find the sensation a little strange at first… sometimes they instinctively move."

Carla nodded slowly. "OK."

Feeling that she simply couldn't put this off any longer, Carla slowly lowered the side of her head into the sludgy water. It felt thicker than liquid she was used to, and it felt warm against the side of her face, like bathwater at just the right temperature. She was just beginning to relax when something slimy touched her ear.

As Talen had predicted, she jumped a little, her head trying to lift, but the pressure of Talen's hand kept it under the water. Carla forced herself to still, though her body was trembling.

"Well done, honey. It's okay."

Carla felt a sharp pain in her ear, and wondered for a second whether Talen had been lying, but the pain quickly went away, and a sensation of numbness overtook her ear. She could still feel a slight pressure, as something squirmed deeper and deeper inside her, but soon she lost sensation entirely as it passed further into her head. Carla sat still and quiet for a minute or so.

"How long will it take?" she asked Talen.

Or tried to.

Carla abruptly realised the words had made no sound, that her lips hadn't even moved. She tried to wriggle the fingers on a hand. Nothing. Now she was aware of it, she could feel the loss of other bits of control. Suddenly, blinking didn't quite feel like she was doing it, something that was confirmed when she tried to blink rapidly and failed. She could also, if she concentrated, feel emotions that were not her own: a vague sense of excitement and anxiety rolled into one.

Then the memories started. Carla was seven again, opening a cupboard without much hope to find nothing left for her breakfast inside. Nine, bubbling with excitement and awe on a school trip to a planetarium. Eleven, leaping on a trampoline at a friend's house, laughing like a demon. Then, abruptly, thirteen, drinking cheap beers illicitly behind sand dunes on the beach. Fifteen, bunking off from school, accompanied by a bottle of vodka. Nineteen, working a boring shift at a clothing store. Back to being five, hiding in her bedroom while her mum and step-dad screamed at each other. Back again to her teenage years, losing her virginity in the backseat of a car to a boy whose name she couldn't even remember.

It was this last memory that finally overcame Carla's determination not to try and fight, to accept whatever happened.

"No! Stop!" she tried to yell, conscious again that there was no sound. It was pointless. No-one could hear.

Only someone clearly did. The memory stopped suddenly.

(Sorry.)

It wasn't a voice. Not really. More a jumble of thoughts, words, sensations and emotions that together conveyed a message.

(We can't help what we see, not the first time. I'm sorry, Carla.)

Strangely, Carla didn't doubt the truthfulness of what the Yeerk said. Maybe it was the emotions and images that came with it that made it more convincing than mere words would have been, or perhaps it was that Carla sensed the kind of person Silrin was even this early in their relationship. Whatever it was, Carla felt a trickle of forgiveness stealing over her. She wanted to reply, but wasn't sure how.

(Just think the words, and direct them at me,) Silrin coached gently.(Although I can see most things anyway, it's more likely to get my attention this way.)

(Like this?)

(Exactly. Well done.)

Silrin waited for a few moments, then said: (I don't mean to rush you, but I haven't connected with all your brain yet. Can I carry on? I may hit more memories, but I'll try and move away from them as fast as I can if they… upset… you.)

Carla hesitated, trying to steel herself. She never felt she'd had much courage, and there were a lot of memories she didn't want to ever see again. Okay.

Immediately she felt another memory open, this time of playing with a skipping rope at school with her friends. It was a memory Carla hadn't even realised she had, and it made her smile… or at least try to smile. She wasn't sure if the expression showed on her face. Silrin lingered on this memory for a while, but eventually Carla felt her move further through her brain, opening up others. The ones that were painful or frightening, Silrin skipped over quickly, viewing them only for a few seconds, but it still felt violating.

After a while, Carla began to also see memories that weren't hers. Memories of swimming in sludge, talking to others in squeaks. Memories of looking through eyes for the first time, of the joy and wonder it provoked.

(Are these yours?) Carla asked.

(Yes.)

Carla observed these memories with wonder; the life they depicted was so different from her own, from anything she had ever imagined, that she kept having to remind herself they were truly real. She felt Silrin's joy at seeing for the first time with Gedd eyes. The eternal, burning hunger of her Taxxon host, how difficult it had been to tune that out when flying spacecraft. The exhilaration of entering atmosphere in a Bug Fighter. Looking at Earth from space: the sense of awe Silrin had felt at a planet with so much colour. The fear and excitement of space battle. The terror that any small wound in her Taxxon host would result in being eaten alive. The relief when she was told about her transfer to a human, mixed with regret that she might never fly a spacecraft again. Strangely, though, there were no memories of this human host, nothing about what Silrin had experienced in her head. The memory stream cut off, suddenly, and Silrin spoke again.

(Well done, Carla. I know that was hard. I'm going to move your head now and speak to the sub-Visser. It will feel strange.)

(Okay.)

Silrin was right, it did feel very odd for her head to move without her telling it to.

"I have control, sub-Visser. Thank you."

Talen looked anxiously at Carla… at Silrin… at both of them? Carla wasn't really sure what the best expression was. "Resistance?"

Silrin shook her head. "None."

Talen let out a breath in a rush, as though she'd been storing up air for the last ten minutes. "Good. Very good."

Carla came back out of the fog of memory in time for the end of her shift, and walked to the dark bus stop to wait for her ride home. Remembering Silrin still hurt like a knife digging somewhere just behind her breastbone, but since she'd met Alniss there were other, better emotions beginning to stir too… pleasure at remembering the gentle touch of Silrin's mind on her own, and even some hope for the future. After all, Carla could do things for Silrin's sister now she knew her: little things, like bringing Alniss a cup of coffee when she woke up early for work, or buying cheap bangles as a gift. Alniss loved the jangle of the bracelets as she played with them, loved watching the light flash over their bright silver surfaces.

While some of Carla's hope came from Alniss, a larger part had only blossomed after finding out about Kalran's mate Oglud and the other Yeerks who could not, or would not, access the morphing technology. Kalran might have called Carla's offer to host Oglud generous, but she knew better. There was nothing she wanted more than to share a mind again… she'd never felt so well understood, so accepted, so loved, at any other time in her life.

The bus pulled up, the bright light from its headlamps and windows cutting welcomingly through the dark. Carla picked at the grubby seat cushion with a fingernail as the bus pulled away again, letting her mind drift back into her memories.

Carla was lying curled up on the couch in her tiny apartment, the television flickering in front of her. She was in control of her body for now, but still painfully aware of the passenger she'd been carrying for nearly twenty-four hours. She was watching the new series of 'Friends', but she was gradually becoming aware of an increasing sense of confusion from her Yeerk.

"You OK?" Carla said aloud. There was no-one to hear, and directing her thoughts to communicate still felt strange. Besides, it was nice to use her own voice again.

(I'm fine. Just trying to work out who everyone is,) Silrin said from within her mind. (Elsa never watched this. She didn't watch much TV in general, really.)

"You could just look at my memories, couldn't you?"

(Please, not out loud, Carla,) Silrin said anxiously, despite the fact that no-one could possibly hear, and wouldn't understand if they did. Then, in answer to Carla's question: (I didn't think you'd want me to interrupt your show by digging around in your mind.)

Carla switched to mental speech. (OK. Right. Thanks.)

(You're surprised.) It was very strange hearing the way Silrin stated that, without even the hint of a question in her voice. But of course, she knew without needing to ask.

(Yes,) Carla answered anyway.

(I'm surprised too, Silrin murmured gently. Surprised at how well you've adjusted to me.)

Carla was jerked out of her thoughts again as the bus slid to a halt. Hurriedly gathering her things together, she stepped out onto the rough pavement, its surface pitted with cracks. She finally forced herself to focus on the present day when she saw the two figures that were waiting for her, giving them a tired smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Alniss replied, Tafnik standing beside her under the streetlamp.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Carla said for what must have been the tenth time. "I'm fine walking around on my own."

"I get nervous for you," Alniss responded. Again, it was by no means the first time she'd said it; it was a routine the two of them played out almost every time Carla arrived home after dark. Alniss' voice, however, seemed oddly flat. Automatic.

"Are you OK?" Carla asked anxiously as they began trudging up the street. Now that she was aware of Alniss' mood, she realised Tafnik had yet to say anything, which was unusual for him.

Alniss looked away; it was Tafnik who answered. "There was an attempted raid on the Pool. No-one was hurt, thankfully, but the terrorists they caught were intending to bomb the place. It would have killed all the unhosted Yeerks there. Kalran's desperate to talk to Oglud, her mate, but she's not allowed to visit. No-one's allowed in at the moment for security reasons."

"No!" Carla exclaimed loudly, making an old lady scurrying the other way jump slightly. She'd thought frequently about Oglud and the other unhosted Yeerks over the past few months, feeling sorry for them for the senses they'd been deprived of, but she hadn't realised just how vulnerable they were.

"There's… er… Ilkiss and Sara are at the flat now," Tafnik said hesitantly. "We didn't think it was fair to separate them, or ask them to move."

Carla processed that information for a few seconds, trying to place the names. Ilkiss was Kalran's other mate, of course, but Sara… oh. Kalran's host. Carla was pretty sure that she'd started out involuntary before Kalran joined the peace movement She felt her heart speed up, beating a staccato rhythm against her ribs, and a sensation of nausea started in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm sorry," Alniss whispered anxiously, touching her hand.

"I'm fine." Carla tried to sound more confident than she felt. "It's Kalran we ought to be worrying about."