A few days later, Kalran and Carla left the house together again. This time, however, they waited at the side of the road instead of the bus stop. Carla couldn't keep still: her stomach was churning with anxiety, and she shifted from foot to foot where she stood, twisting her hands together. She could see Kalran watching her concernedly, and eventually felt a gentle touch on her arm.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Carla turned her head to meet Kalran's eyes, which were etched with worry. "Yes. It… it will just be Illim, won't it?"

Kalran nodded. "Yes, just him. He's going to pick us up and take us to the house he shares with his host, but Adam's out today so you won't see him. Illim's promised it will just be him."

Carla nodded, trying to slow her breathing. It was only a Yeerk; why was she so worried? "She won't be there, will she?" Carla added, unable to stop herself.

Kalran frowned. "Elsa?" At Carla's fretful nod, she continued. "No. I promise."

"Okay," Carla said shakily.

Kalran looked as though she might say something else, but was interrupted by a blue car coming to a hesitant halt beside them. The driver turned the engine off and got out, striding towards them on long legs. Illim's morph was tall: Carla had to look up to make eye contact.

"Kalran, schrellatie, may the Kandrona shine and strengthen you," Illim said in a whisper. "Well, metaphorically, at least."

It took Carla a few seconds to remember what schrellatie meant. Silrin had used it occasionally… yes, that was it. It was a bit like a human calling someone 'brother' who wasn't really their brother – a sign of kinship and solidarity. The formality of Illim's greeting reflected that, too: he was addressing Kalran warmly and politely, which Carla supposed boded well. Illim's attitude towards her, though, she was much less certain of. While Kalran clearly liked her, Carla still wasn't sure what the attitude of peace movement Yeerks towards voluntary hosts was likely to be.

Kalran smiled wistfully. "And you, schrellatie. Illim, this is Carla. Carla, this is Illim 781 of the Sulp Niar pool."

Illim smiled gently at her, and Carla felt some of her anxiety evaporate. "I'm very pleased to meet you."

"You too," Carla murmured.

A few minutes later, Carla slid into the backseat of Illim's car next to Kalran, turning down his offer of the front. The drive was quiet, Carla watching the scenery change from dense, scruffy apartment blocks to the greener, more spacious suburbs and then the open countryside. Eventually, the suburbs began again as they moved into the city, and Illim eventually drew to a halt outside a large white house with a neat lawn and flowerbeds that were a riot of colour.

"Oh," Kalran breathed delightedly as they got out of the car. "Your garden is beautiful!"

Illim smiled. "Thank you. Adam jokes I should quit my job and become a full-time gardener."

"He isn't here, is he?" Carla asked nervously, hesitating at the gate.

Illim shook his head. "No. He went out, and he won't return till I text him and say you guys have gone." Seeing Carla's face, Illim quickly added: "not like that, it isn't that… we just thought you might not want him here… he wouldn't mind meeting you."

Carla didn't believe that, but decided not to press the issue, instead stepping through the gate and following Illim up the path to the front door. She glanced across at Kalran, who gave her a reassuring smile.

Soon they were sitting in the spacious living room, Carla nursing a cup of coffee between her hands. The warmth was comforting, calming her anxiety somewhat.

After a few minutes, Illim cleared his throat. "So," he said slowly. "I'm not really sure where you want to start, with this."

Carla shrugged. "I don't mind," she murmured, keeping her eyes on her mug.

"Maybe you could tell us a little more about you, Illim," Kalran said gently.

"Sure. Well, I was in the peace movement during the war, like Kalran… erm… I morphed once they offered me the technology, but I only lived where they assigned me for a couple of weeks before I moved in here, with my host. Well, ex-host now, I suppose. Anyway, he still has contact with some of the other hosts and it was through them that I found out about your situation, Kalran. I wanted to help, and, er, here I am. Am I right in thinking you want to help, too, Carla?"

Carla finally raised her eyes from her mug. "Yes."

"Great, that's great." Illim smiled hesitantly at her. "Is there anything you've already done?"

"Not yet. Apart from going to see Oglud. I told them I'd be willing to host them, if it was ever allowed."

Illim raised his eyebrows and glanced at Kalran. "Are you sure about that?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't. It wouldn't be fair."

Illim nodded. "No… no, I suppose it wouldn't… but that doesn't mean you can't change your mind, you know."

Confused, Carla looked uncertainly at him, before letting her eyes slide across to Kalran, then back to Illim again. "I don't want to change my mind."

"I know, I just… I want to make sure you don't feel under any pressure or obligation, that's all. Hosting a Yeerk is a big thing."

Carla looked away. "I know. I was a host in the war."

Illim's voice, when it next came, sounded anxious. "I know that, I just- I'm sorry, I'm not doing a very good job of this."

Carla kept her eyes on the floor. "It's fine."

"I think Carla knows exactly what she's offering," Kalran said quietly. "And neither Oglud or I, or Ilkiss for that matter, would allow an infestation that was anything but fully willing."

"I wasn't doubting you. I… shall we move on?"

"That might be a good idea," Carla murmured, then instantly regretted it. "Sorry, I didn't mean…"

Illim shook his head. "Don't worry. Anyway… how much has Kalran told you?"

Carla was silent for a few moments, struggling to form her words even in her head. Saying even one of the involuntaries' names suddenly seemed an insurmountable barrier to speech, and she wasn't even sure why. After a minute of struggle, she raised her head, looking towards Kalran for help.

"I've told her everything you told me," Kalran said quickly, smiling slightly at Carla in reassurance, her forehead furrowing with concern. "That my Sara was an idiot and mentioned her, and that Elsa wants to work with her to help Oglud and the others."

Illim nodded. He reached forward, moving a book on the coffee table in front of him aside, to reveal a white envelope addressed with Carla's name. "Elsa wrote you a letter," he said, holding it out to Carla. "If you wanted to read things in her words. Or I could explain it all, of course."

Carla pulled back as though he was holding a deadly spider, eyes fixed on the envelope. Unconsciously, she drew a little closer to Kalran. "You explain," she eventually managed to whisper, her gaze still on her slightly messily written name.

Illim hesitated for a few moments. "Okay," he said eventually. "Well, there were a few points we wanted to cover... one of them was whether you'd be interested in acting as a host again, but I think we've pretty much covered that." He put the envelope back on the coffee table, instead picking up a second piece of paper. "Huan put together a list of people that everyone's writing to," he said, passing the paper across to Carla, who took it this time. "It might be an idea if you write, too… the more the better."

Scanning her eyes down it, she felt a sudden lurch in her stomach as her eyes hit the name 'Jake Berenson'. She fought down her nausea as best as she could, and quickly looked back up at Illim.

"Elsa also wanted to know if you're in touch with any other voluntary hosts who might be interested in helping.'

"I bet she did," Carla sneered, sudden anger filling her. So that was the reason behind all this… to try and get revenge on as many voluntaries as possible. "No, I'm not, and I wouldn't tell her even if I was. Does she think I'm stupid?"

Illim looked taken aback.

"Carla, I'm sure that's not why she asked. I don't think Elsa's like that," Kalran murmured softly.

Carla didn't believe her for a moment, and it must have shown in her face, for Kalran added: "honestly, Carla, none of them want to hurt you. Or anyone else, I'm sure."

There was silence for a few seconds. While Carla trusted Kalran, Illim was a bit more of an unknown quantity, and she certainly believed Elsa and the others would be more than capable of fooling him that they had good intentions. There was no point making an argument out of it, however, so Carla simply said: "okay. Well, anyway, I don't know where any of them ended up after the war, so…"

Illim nodded. "No problem. The next thing was whether you'd be willing to come to any meetings that the others have with people who could help. Elsa and Alma – Alma's one of the others in the group – thought that it might really help convince people if they could hear your perspective, and see for themselves that you weren't being forced or manipulated into it, it was something you genuinely wanted."

Carla hesitated. "Would the involuntaries have to be there?"

"Well… I suppose they wouldn't have to, but it wouldn't look very good if it seems like we can't stand to all be in each other's company. It would probably be better if at least some of them were there."

Carla's eyes strayed across to Kalran. Poor thing… over the last few days, Carla hadn't been able to get the image of Kalran caressing the side of a computer terminal out of her head. That her contact with her mate was reduced to a few minutes a fortnight of messaging through a computer… it just wasn't fair on either of them.

"Maybe," she said slowly. "Depending on who they were meeting, and who exactly was coming."

Kalran jerked slightly beside her, looking around at Carla in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Not quite. That's why I said maybe."

"You don't have to decide yet," Illim said slowly, looking equally surprised. "We're trying to contact Cassie at the moment – Adam and I had some contact with her during the war – but she's a busy woman. And the media and politicians we're contacting… again, it looks like it'll be a while."

Carla nodded slowly. There was silence for a while, and she glanced around the room. It was a lot less Yeerkish than the living room at home: while there were a few pictures, they were proper framed ones, not stuck onto the wall in a messy mosaic. The room was neat and tidy, the walls beige and the furniture white. She could see why Illim had taken over the garden: there was relatively little colour in this room. The effect was relaxing, though, not unpleasant. Carla's eyes came to rest on a photograph resting on a windowsill: the woman in the frame was tall and dark-skinned, quite a contrast to what she assumed was Illim's host, pale and red-haired, who was standing beside her arm-in-arm. The long white dress the woman was wearing made it clear this was a wedding photograph.

Illim followed her gaze. "That's Alyssa, Adam's wife. He… he lost her a few months before he joined the Sharing."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Carla said automatically. Her curiosity piqued, however, she turned to Illim. "Was he a voluntary, then?"

Illim was silent for a few moments, and Carla began to think he wouldn't answer her. Eventually, however, he said: "it depends what you mean. He agreed to become a full member, but then once they explained what we were he became suspicious. He asked didn't anyone ever say no, that kind of thing, and eventually he figured out… well, what we did to those who were unwilling." Illim swallowed uncomfortably. "They had to drag him to the Pool, and he fought me until I joined the movement."

Carla looked away, feeling her stomach churn painfully. She could feel a memory creeping in at the corners of her mind; the sound of screams from the cages and those unfortunate people who were being dragged to the Pool in front of and behind her. She was walking along beside Miliss, shivering with horror, desperate for Silrin to get back in her head so she could get out of that place.

"Carla!" She felt Kalran's hand touch her shoulder, and jumped. "Carla, are you alright?"

Realising her eyes were damp, Carla hastily scrubbed at them with her sleeve. "I'm fine," she said shakily, looking round into Kalran's worried face.

Kalran said nothing, instead letting her arm wrap around Carla's shoulders. Carla took a few deep breaths, eventually feeling strong enough to look back up at Illim.

Illim smiled hesitantly at her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine," Carla repeated. "Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?"

Illim shook his head slowly. "I think that's everything. I'll let you know if we manage to arrange any meetings with anyone. I suppose the only thing is… in the meantime… Elsa wondered if you wanted to meet up with Adam and I, or Elsa and I, just casually at some point. She thought it might be easier than seeing her for the first time when we were officially meeting a journalist, or…"

Carla felt every muscle in her body tense. "No," she said quickly.

"You don't have to." Illim's reply was almost as rapid.

There was a long, awkward silence.

"Do you mind if I take the letter, Carla?" Kalran asked gently after almost five minutes had gone by. "I mean, I'm not going to read it, but just in case you ever want to look at it."

Carla whipped her head round so fast it stung her neck, staring at her. "I never want to look at it."

"Do you mind if I take it anyway?"

Carla shrugged, trying to hide her elevated heart rate, the twisting of her stomach, with casual words. "I don't care what you do with it. 'Long as I don't have to see it again."

Kalran nodded, wordlessly reaching forward to take the envelope Illim passed to her. "It'll be in the top drawer in my room, Carla, if you ever do want to see it."

"I don't," Carla said quickly. "Like I give a shit what she thinks of me." The words sounded hollow even to Carla's own ears, and she reddened as she saw Kalran exchange a glance with Illim. It took all her willpower not to snap at them, but she managed it somehow.

Kalran tucked the letter into the pocket of her jeans, and glanced at her watch. "We'd better go, Illim," she said quietly.

"Yes… yes, of course." Illim looked at Carla. "I'm sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable. I… I understand what it feels like. I felt so guilty myself, even after I joined the movement I couldn't entirely shake it."

Carla reddened even more, clenching her fists. "I'm not feeling fucking guilty!" she snapped. "I just don't want to get beaten up, alright?"

Illim held up both hands defensively, taken aback. "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry."

They left pretty quickly after that, travelling in silence in Illim's car back to the apartment. As they began their walk up the stairs, Carla felt Kalran touch her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she began. "That was hard for you. Are you really sure you want to go through all this?"

Carla stopped walking, turning to look into Kalran's eyes. "Kalran, you deserve this, you know. You and Oglud both. You really need to stop thinking you don't."

"Deserve what? You making yourself miserable?"

"I'm fine. I want this as much as you do, and I'm prepared to fight for it."

Kalran nodded slowly. "Okay. It's your decision, of course. I'm sorry if I seemed like I was trying to make it for you."

Carla raised her eyebrows, surprised. "You didn't seem like that," she said emphatically, thinking privately that it was almost the opposite. Kalran wasn't that sort of Yeerk, which was different. Refreshing, in a way, but also tiring: it meant Carla had to choose for herself, and she'd always found choices hard.

Carla's thoughts were interrupted suddenly, however, by another voice. "What's her decision? And for that matter, where have you two been all afternoon?"

The voice came from below them on the stairs, and Carla turned her head to see Alniss carrying a couple of bags of shopping from the local 7-11.

"Hey," Carla smiled, taking a few steps towards her. "Can I help with those?"

"Hi, honey. Are you alright?" Alniss was looking closely at Carla's face, ignoring her offer of help with the bags.

"I'm fine," Carla said. She reached towards one of the bags. "Let me-"

"There are tear tracks on your cheeks." Alniss' eyes were hard, but they weren't meeting Carla's: they were looking past her, towards Kalran. "Last time you take her out she comes back with a cut on her neck, and she tells me some story about going for a walk and cutting it on a thorn, and now she's been crying. You had better have a very good explanation for this."

Alniss' voice was colder than Carla thought she'd ever heard it, except perhaps the time she'd spoken about Elsa, and Carla felt a shiver run through her as she looked between the two Yeerks. Kalran was looking away submissively, down towards the carpet.

"Why don't we all go up?" Carla murmured hesitantly. "Then we can talk?"

Alniss nodded without looking at her, still glaring at Kalran, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable. "Good idea."