Chapter 20: Staring Darkness
They were having a staring contest.
From the look on their faces, they probably looked absolutely ridiculous doing it: Zarya's features could only be described as the definition of unimpressed, while Anakin's was a weird mix of deep concentration and absolute panic.
You see, they were at an impasse: for the first time since they met, there is something that Anakin wasn't telling her. Out of embarrassment.
And she was determined to find what it was.
The Jedi around them that noticed their current competition in the corner of what passed as a cafeteria around here shot them concerned looks. Both pre-teens paid them no mind.
They were extremely occupied. Inside Anakin's mind, that is. In the real world, they weren't exactly… moving much.
Anakin.
He was ignoring her; mentally building a wall between their minds. Considering their lack of practice at shielding, the metaphorical sandstone walls were building up at an impressively fast pace.
Anakin, come on.
He made a brick wall in front of it next, each brick flying past and taking their respective places in perfect sync.
You can't ignore me forever.
Cement was somehow being poured perfectly over the face of the brick wall, coating it in a thick layer of the stuff.
This is ridiculous, you know?
As soon as she saw the metal panels approaching, most likely his next step at defending his mind, she stepped in before it would be too late. Knowing him, all sorts of mechanical traps would be next, and she didn't fancy electrocuting herself on one of them.
Even if it was all in his imagination.
Well, I tried the easy way.
Wanting to test the waters before going in with a sledgehammer or something, she gave the wall a good hit. With a regular (imaginary) hammer. It was easier than she thought, she only had to imagine the cement cracking and crumbling at the impact and it did it all for her.
What she didn't imagine was for the whole wall to shudder and fall piece by piece. Anakin was just as surprised as her when it did.
He was also in a bit of pain, like his head had just been hit physically. At least it only gave him a small headache instead of doing any actual damage, but Zarya guiltily backed off just in case, not daring to accidentally bring him more harm.
WHAT WAS THAT?!
I hit your… brain… or something. Look, I'm gonna find out eventually anyways so you might as well tell me and stop building a fortress you'll inevitably want to tear down later. Between the two of us, you're the one who can't stand being apart for more than a few hours. Hey— wait, we never learned anything about shielding our minds, how did you know it would work?
I didn't. Thoughts are a concept, Zarya. So was that barrier. Was I really blocking you out, or were you simply convinced you were blocked out?
…Who are you and what have you done with the idiot who previously owned this brain?
Shoved him down in the deepest darkest parts of my mind to hide from you and stop BULLYING ME!
Tell me what Yoda meant by tolerance and I will.
NO!
Yes.
NEVER!
Or in like, two minutes.
OH YEAH?
If you tell me right now, I'll bully Obi-Wan into taking you as a padawan as soon as he comes back.
I had to work with Ferus so that I could get my crystal and I suffered through the worst hours of my life having to team up with him and those hours may or may not have led to a fist fight and me falling in a hole and waiting for that cretin to come get me out of it but only when he realized he needed me to get his crystal too and us both having to talk about feelings of all things to get over our dislike for each other but we didn't really get over it now we're just awkward because I know stuff about him and he knows stuff about me that we both don't want to get out so, yeah.
Okay... I think I understood most of that word vomit. So…What does he know about you and what do you know about him?
He physically flinched.
ZARYA!
I want the tea!
NO!
"Are you both alright?" Their favourite red-headed knight interrupted. "You look like you're having an… interesting conversation in there." Considering Zarya was now grinning from ear to ear and Anakin was blushing furiously, yet none of them were verbally talking, interesting was an understatement.
"Obi-Wan!" Anakin broke their staring contest first to look at the newly arrived knight. "You're back!"
Said man lifted a brow, a smile playing at the edge of his lips.
"I am. Did I miss anything?"
"We got our lightsabers!" He eagerly shoved his own lightsaber in the knight's hands to show off his newest creation. "Mine's blue!"
"Should I worry about this blowing up in my face at any moment?"
"Hey!"
Zarya giggled. "Nah. He's good."
"Thank you!" Anakin crossed his arms and nodded decisively.
"Want to get in on the bet on how fast he'll lose it?"
"Wha— hey!" He made to tug at her hair, which Zarya dodged, laughing harder.
"I say five months and one day."
"Obi-Wan!"
"That's generous," Zarya managed to choke out between her laughs. "And weirdly specific."
With a huff, Anakin stopped trying to defend himself, face planting dramatically on the table (Next to his lunch tray instead of in it, disappointingly.) and muttering to himself about 'traitors' and 'you'll see'.
While he was distracted by his own theatrics, Obi-Wan took the time to pause his inspection of the young boy's lightsaber in favour of observing Zarya curiously, who was still calming down from her mirth. He made eye contact without hesitation.
She let him. She hasn't been able to see into his mind for months now, anyways.
"What about you?"
"My lightsaber? It's also blue, kinda."
Obi-Wan tilted his head and, carefully, let her peak into his mind through his shapeless, constantly shifting mental barriers that were getting more and more impressive with time. He let her see how he was feeling strangely concerned and… hopeful.
"That's not what I meant."
Zarya's smile turned softer, and she pushed gratitude/reassurance/confidence through the small window he'd offered her.
"I feel better now, more than I have in a while. I know what I want to do."
The happy/relieved/trusting feelings coming off of Anakin were disgustingly adorable, in a fond way.
Obi-Wan tentatively smiled back, as if afraid to have her fall back to her usual, less happy behaviour as soon as he turned around. "That's good."
"For me, it certainly is. For you, we've yet to see." Obi-Wan blinked confusedly at that. She smirked. "So, Jedi knight, wanna take that pathetic life form sitting with us as an apprentice for the next decade or so?"
Obi-Wan blinked again. Anakin didn't even lift his head from the table.
"Oh my stars, Zarya, you can't just ask that out of nowhere you moron."
(( ))
Unsurprisingly, after hours of discussing it with Anakin and Qui-Gon once the latter returned from his own mission a week after and arguing with the council for hours, Obi-Wan was, about a month later, the proud (exasperated) mentor of one Anakin Skywalker.
Anakin, who now had the most adorable little braid behind his left ear; it would grow with time, but he would never be more proud of it than he is now. The number of initiates jealous of him being chosen by The Obi-Wan Kenobi (that man made a reputation for himself fast) was frankly hilarious. The boy was quietly smug about it, too.
Now, Zarya only had to worry about getting her own master. Despite everything, the majority of the council was either unmovable or too uncertain about letting a master have more than one padawan at a time, and so Obi-Wan was unable to convince them to let him train her alongside Anakin.
Zarya wasn't too saddened about that. After thinking about it in length, there was someone she was convinced would be a fantastic teacher for her; being chosen by that teacher was another story entirely.
It should be possible. Hopefully.
But apparently, most master/padawan pairings were the will of the Force or something along those lines, so who knows.
At least she had a plan, even if it was kind of vague and relied a lot on chance. And today was the best day to start putting it in action.
"I'm sorry, Zarya. We couldn't convince the council to let Obi-Wan take you both, never mind that separating you two is probably not the wisest of choice." Qui-Gon sighed dejectedly. "I fear that the council is straying farther and farther from the will of the Force with the passing years, ignoring such clear signs as a dyad…"
"Don't worry about it, master Qui-Gon. We'll make it work somehow. We wanted to try and get a bit of distance anyways, to try and avoid becoming too co-dependant."
"That might not be as easy as you seem to think."
She shrugged. "We have to experiment if we want to learn about this bond."
They both were walking slowly towards the combat training chamber where they learn how to wield a lightsaber. It's also where they had their duels months ago, and today would be similar to that.
The difference was that this time, it was a bit more serious. Last time, it was mostly for training purposes, though many masters still went to watch them since the real event only happened once a year.
Today, it was the Apprentice Tournament, the actual event for initiates to demonstrate their skills and gather attention from potential teachers in three rounds. For many of the older ones, it was their last shot at being chosen by a Jedi Knight or Master before they would be sent to one of the Jedi Service Corps.
Since she'd just turned nine years old, Zarya was among the youngest that would participate, with very little hopes of winning the tournament, but it was still a great opportunity to be noticed if she showed potential.
Anakin wasn't with her this time, which was a weird feeling. Not unexpected though. A few other initiates had also been chosen since and new, younger ones were deemed skilled enough to join in.
She might not get a master right away, but she was planning to go as far as she could anyways, and hopefully gain apprenticeship soon enough. There wasn't much she could do from the temple, but as soon as she was going out on missions? Oh, she'll make marks everywhere she needed to and more.
"You seem thoughtful, youngling. What are you thinking about?"
She smiled up at the man towering next to her. Damn her small stature, it made her seem like a dwarf next to Qui-Gon's two meter or something tall. At least she was growing; he didn't have the urge to pick her up anymore.
"I have a goal in mind for this tournament."
"A goal? Trying something new? Or do you intend to find a master so soon?"
Zarya shrugged. "If it happens, why not?"
Qui-Gon looked a bit befuddled. "I had thought that, perhaps, in a few years once I'm more recovered from my injury, I could take you as my padawan. As Obi-Wan's former Master, there are more chances for him and me to be paired for missions together since we work well as a team. It would make it easier for you and Anakin to stay together."
"I appreciate it, really." They slowed down once they were near their destination. She turned to face him, walking backwards carefully and shooting him an amused look. "But I'm afraid you and I wouldn't make such a great team. I'm far too often lost in my thoughts and thinking of the future instead of the moment present. According to Obi-Wan, I'd drive you crazy in a week, tops."
He chuckled at that. "Perhaps, or perhaps I could teach you to be more in tune with the present."
"That's not the wisest of decisions, I think." She had to change the future, not ignore it and let Anakin become a slave to the would-be Emperor. "No worries. Everything will work itself out, one way or another."
She only had to make the steps to make it so herself.
(( ))
During the first round, despite being among the initiates surrounding them in a circle, Zarya didn't pay that much attention to the duels like last time. Instead, she chose to fall into a light meditation, clearing her mind of everything except her coming duel; which wasn't the easiest of feats, what with the wild emotions coming from the excited or nervous initiates, and the many, many Knights and Masters observing the tournament.
Pretty sure she spotted the whole Jedi council observing them from above.
She still managed, mostly. She focused on the newest moves she's learned, revising them in her mind, tensing and loosening her muscles in a light imitation of the katas that she's picturing.
They were more advanced than her previous fighting techniques from Form I, but they were certain to catch the attention of many if she did it right. And she practiced them quite a lot with Anakin, improving by leaps and bounds in an effort to keep up with that frustratingly talented boy.
Before she knew it, her name, along with Shay's, the blonde girl who assisted her in the cave more than a month ago now, were called out to step in the fighting circle.
Weapon in hand, both girls bowed lightly to each other before taking their fighting stance and lighting their respective lightsabers. A deep green illuminated Shay's profile, while's Zarya's face was bathed in a light, almost white blue.
Unless someone yields or can't fight back, the first to give their opponent three burns wins.
Predictably, the older girl was the first to make a move by charging at Zarya, her excitable nature making her a bit more impulsive than most. What did surprise Zarya was that; even if Shay's fighting technique was as energetic and bold as her personality suggested, the girl was more calculating than she previously assumed. Shay's defensive was stronger than in her previous fights from what she's seen, were she tended to go wild and tried to overwhelm her opponents in hopes of landing a hit.
She'd probably learned from her previous defeats and chose to conserve her energy more, as to avoid exhausting herself too quickly.
Zarya received the first burn on her right arm because of a jab she was too slow to dodge.
Months ago, Shay would've been right in her newest plan of attack: Zarya tended to let her opponents wear themselves down and wait for them to make mistakes that she would take advantage of. So Shay going mostly to the defensive instead was a smart move.
But unknowingly to her, this was actually the perfect setting for Zarya. This was forcing her to take the offensive, a perfect opportunity to use the new lightsaber form she's been learning.
Shay got the next burn on her left hip, though it was a lucky hit.
Disengaging from their tentative strikes, Zarya jumped back, took a quick breath and moved in the right stance before running back in. Her whole demeanour changed, going from cautious to almost aggressive. Each strike was fast and calculated, either going for the slightest of weaknesses or forcing Shay in positions that would create weaknesses for Zarya to exploit.
Shay received a second burn on her right shoulder.
Not quite used yet to being on the defensive for so long, Shay was rapidly losing ground. Upon realizing this, she changed her strategy, apparently deciding that in this situation, offense was the best defence.
The fight grew in momentum then, faster and faster, strikes, parries and counter strikes being exchanged in a practiced dance. They seemed to be at a standstill, until Zarya took a risk.
Unlike in her previous life, she learned many acrobatics in this one; Force-enhanced ones at that, and she was going to use them if only for the hell of it if she had the choice. Which she did.
She jumped above and behind her opponent with a front flip out of the blue; it did put her in a vulnerable position while in the air for a short moment, and Shay took the opportunity to give Zarya a second burn on her lower back.
That move cost her the fight. Ignoring the light sting in her back, Zarya landed behind Shay who was too slow to turn around because of her last strike, and the duel finished with Zarya holding her sabre at the other girl's neck.
There was a beat of silence as everyone caught up with the abrupt ending.
"Winner, Zarya Skywalker!" Master Ilena Xan, the referee, exclaimed.
They deactivated their swords, took a step back and bowed to each other again before joining the others in the circle for the few last fights.
"That was impressive by the way," murmured Shay, trying not to be heard by those next to them. "I honestly didn't see that coming, you're really skilled!"
"I would've lost in a real fight, though," Zarya countered, just as quiet. "You were the first to get a hit in, which would have taken my arm. And the hit on my back? Severed in two." She grimaced at that one.
Shay smiled teasingly. "Yeah, but it wasn't a real fight. You took the hit since you had room for another anyway and won because of it. It was a risk, but it worked. Congrats!"
"You're not mad?"
"Nah. Losing just shows I have more to learn, so it's not a complete loss in my book. Plus, there's always next year, or the one after that. Take the win and be proud of it, yeah?"
They both grinned at each other before facing the next fight trying to pay attention despite their adrenaline still running high from their duel.
(( ))
The second round was much more difficult than the first. Not only where the winners of the previous duels fighting the other winners, which usually means the more skilled initiates, there was an additional challenge added in to the mix.
They would fight in the dark.
Zarya frowned. Her heart was picking up pace.
The circle, now consisting of 16 initiates instead of the previous 32, was much wider to give the combatants more place to move and avoid hitting someone by accident. Some soft lights could be seen in the room, illuminating the observers farther from the fight near the walls, but the middle of the large room was almost completely black, making it difficult to see anything more than a foot or two in front of you.
The first two fights went by quick. Deactivating their lightsabers and hiding in the darkness to surprise their opponent seemed to be the go-to strategy, many even preferring hand-to-hand combat as to avoid using their lightsabers.
She barely saw anything the whole time, and was it her or was it getting darker and darker?
Zarya's fight came faster than she anticipated. She didn't so much hear her name as she felt people's attention drifting to her all of a sudden; she didn't even hear her opponent's name above the sound of her rapid heartbeat, or know what they looked like.
Why did her heart seem to want to beat right out of her chest? Her adrenaline was already building up, and she found herself jumpier than usual.
They didn't bother to bow or to activate their lightsabers when the signal to start the fight came.
Zarya didn't move a muscle as the other initiate suddenly suppressed their presence in the Force, and Zarya's breath hitched at the illusion of being alone in the dark.
Alarm bells rang in her head. Why was she panicking so badly?
She took long, deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.
It was as if the huge room was rapidly getting smaller and smaller.
A sudden hissing sound appeared behind her. As fast as she could, she activated her own lightsaber ant intercepted the blade coming right for her legs. She managed to block the second strike and the next one after that, before the dark blue lightsaber disappeared with its owner.
Zarya didn't lower her own light blue one. It would be useless to, anyways; it seemed her opponent could see well enough in the dark. Great, just her luck.
The light provided by her sabre did little to soothe her; she was even tenser than before, turning on the spot to try and get a glimpse of her opponent.
Another hiss from her left this time. She barely heard it above the rapid beat seemingly pulsing in her head, but she turned right in time to block the oncoming attacks. They disappeared as fast as they came, but didn't waste any time before attacking from behind again. Had they jumped? She hadn't realized—
First burn in her back again. It stung more than before, but she tried to ignore it.
Amazing. She was in the dark, in pain, emotions high with only her lightsaber as a light source, what was next, a—
The next attack came right in front of her, probably so she wouldn't expect it. As the dark blue sabre approached rapidly, she caught a glimpse of the rodian holding it—
She was in the dark closet/room once again, shifting from her sitting position with a hiss of pain when the reddened skin on her back stung. It wasn't common for keepers to hit the children, but one in particular, a male of some lizard species, had a pretty short temper, and she had admittedly been testing it lately. It didn't take much time for him to realize that when something disappeared, broke or even reappeared, she was most likely behind it.
Not that anyone ever had concrete proofs.
"You think we could find a way to break out of this room?"
Novi was with her, and from the soft blue light illuminating his face coming from the datapad he was holding, she could see him observing her. He should be able to vaguely distinguish her grimacing expression with those fancy eyes of his. He felt worried, probably since they didn't get hurt often.
"No," she replied after a short pause. "I searched the room months ago, while the door was open to let some light in. There isn't anything in here that could help us do that. Even the vents in here are too little to climb into."
"It would be one of the very few exceptions in this building. What a terrible design."
By the way he was smiling mischievously; he very much liked the schematics of the venting systems he was currently studying. It will be nice to know where to go instead of having to explore bit by bit every dusty nook and cranny up in there.
"Did you get caught?" Novi asked after a few minutes in silence. "When you searched the room, I mean."
"I never do."
"Unless there's someone to save, you mean. Tarrik owes us one for this."
She huffed, the corner of her mouth turning up. "Shut up. Plus, we owe him one for this." She pointed at the datapad Novi was holding. It's one of their greatest successes so far; even if she and Novi had to get caught sneaking out of their rooms at night so that Tarrik could get away without being seen.
She'd get hit any day if it meant those boys were left alone.
"Oh well. We'll have to find a weakness to this Room of Shadows, one of these days."
"It's still a stupid name." Zarya groaned with another grimace while Novi laughed at her disgust.
—She snapped back to reality abruptly, letting her suddenly weak knees drag her to the ground to avoid the rodian's (notNovinotNovinot—) lightsaber. Their swing barely missed the top of her head and she took the opportunity to burn their leg before they retreated back to the shadows.
But she was somehow calmer now. She knew how to work in the dark; she's done so multiple times.
In her panic, she had forgotten one important detail: in all the Jedi in this temple, she wasn't the most powerful or wise, but she was among the most sensitive to the Force. She had to stop trusting only her eyes.
And so she closed them.
She could feel them. They were circling her, still supressing their presence, but it was now a useless endeavour. Everyone felt like a bonfire to Zarya, their presence huge and overwhelming in large numbers. Right now, he managed to appear as just a candle. Impressive.
But it was a candle in the dark. She knew their every movement, every flicker in their very being. And she wasn't going to wait for them anymore. She got up and took her newest fighting stance.
She wasn't a pray in the dark.
(
This chapter was difficult to write, but here it is!
If it wasn't very clear, (I hope it was), Zarya was having a panic attack because the whole situation; the dark, the pain, the vulnerability, the observing eyes, the rodian, feeling trapped; it was all bringing her back to her younger years, which were even less appealing than she made them seem. That past will come haunt her again in the future.
At the end, she's shifting back to the mindset that she had when at the 'orphanage', detached and single-minded. She was in a dark place at that time and she's still trying to get over it, but we'll talk about this at a later date.
On another note… I wanted to address the Anakin x Zarya thing:
First; they are children, romance won't come for a while yet.
Second; romance was never meant to be the center of this story and their relationship, in many ways, is the center of the story. I don't know if I want it to go there.
Third; please wait until later chapters! More characters will enter the fray and/or become important, and then you can pick and choose who you see them be with!
Lastly;… I was really aiming for a sibling like relationship, which is why she's referred to as Zarya Skywalker (blame Anakin, he has something to do with it I'm sure). Practically everyone at the temple thinks they're siblings because of it, except for Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and maybe the council members.
Anyhow, tell me what you think! Do you like them as siblings? Partners in crime, chaotic duo and the likes was my aim more than lovey-dovey.
Finally (long note sorry), I wanted to thank MoonLake13, lord of the east, angelacorus, 1SilentWolfWarrior, Guesting quest, fantasy.92, sallymadrigal605, (1) guest and UninstallMe for the reviews!
Until next time!
-Maginary
)