The carrot scratched against the metal surface of the grater as Alniss made the final preparations for tonight's meal. It was rare for her to cook at home: the others judged, rightly, that Alniss spent enough time in a kitchen at the cafe and didn't need to prepare food at home as well. Kalran was usually quite happy to be cast in the role of chef: she said it calmed her. The others had had to take their fair share too, particularly of late... there were days when Kalran was simply too tired even to make a sandwich. But today was different.
Beside her, Kalran was fretting, peering through the glass of the oven door for what must have been the fiftieth time.
"I don't think the pizza's rising enough," she worried.
"It's fine." Alniss finished with the carrot, tapping the grater to encourage all the bits to fall into the bowl before pouring a dressing over the salad. "It's always fine. You're a good baker."
"I don't know..." Kalran looked uncertain.
"It's absolutely fine. It'll be delicious." Sighing, Alniss added: "you're acting like you expect some Visser to step through the door. Akhir's only our rank, isn't she?" There was no answer, Kalran now worrying over the salad. "Isn't she?" Alniss repeated.
"Yes," Kalran said distractedly, fiddling with a pile of knives and forks that lay beside a stack of plates.
"And you've already met her, haven't you?"
"A couple of times. Yes."
"If she was this intimidating why'd you invite her, then?"
"She's not," Kalran sighed, finally leaving the cutlery alone to look up at Alniss. "It's just me... I'm worrying unnecessarily, I know that."
At that moment, their conversation was interrupted by the insistent harshness of the buzzer. Kalran jumped slightly, and hurried out to answer it. While she did so, Alniss emptied some chips into a bowl and took them across to the low coffee table at the living-room end of the open-plan room, placing them next to a couple of dips. As she did so, Tafnik pushed the door open, followed closely by Hallim. Menhal was running late, and Carla'd been asked to do a last-minute shift at work: she wouldn't be back until much later. Alniss made a mental note to save back some of the pizza and salad before the meal, so she could eat when she came in.
A few moments later, they heard the front door of the apartment open, and it wasn't long before Kalran and her guests were walking into the living room. Alniss turned to observe them: the two women were similar in physical appearance, dark-haired and dark-eyed, but one of them stood slightly straighter than and forward of the other.
"May the Kandrona shine and strengthen you, Akhir seven-three-nine," Alniss said to the taller of the two, once Kalran had introduced them.
Akhir smiled slightly. "And you, Alniss seven-five-four. Although I'm not sure the Kandrona can do much for me now, except perhaps very slightly warm me."
While it was clearly intended as a joke, the truth of that statement was painful, and Alniss shifted her weight slightly from one foot to the other as she turned her attention to the second figure. "And hello, Jasmine," Alniss added. "It's good to meet you."
"You too," Akhir's host said softly. She was standing close to her Yeerk, closer than Alniss would have expected from her knowledge of human social norms.
"It's nice to see you both again," Hallim added, smiling at the two of them, though her eyes lingered longer on Jasmine. "How are you, Jaz?"
Jasmine frowned slightly, glancing across at Akhir, then seemed suddenly to realise something. "Oh... oh, you're that Hallim. I'm sorry, I didn't realise."
"Well, I do look a little different," Hallim said with a smile. "Less spiky."
Jasmine smiled. "Just a little bit."
"Can- can I offer either of you anything to drink?" Kalran asked, one hand twisting the hem of her skirt between her fingers anxiously.
As Akhir turned towards her, she gave her an expansive smile. "That would be lovely." She let her eyes flick back to Jasmine for a split second, before returning her gaze to Kalran. "An orange juice, please, if you have any, and a Coke?"
The latter was said with only the tiniest inflection of a question, so little that Alniss hardly heard it, but it was clearly enough, as Jasmine immediately murmured a confirmatory "please". Alniss felt a slight pang of jealousy: she couldn't read what Carla wanted anywhere near as accurately as that. She had to remind herself she could hardly expect to, given she'd never been inside her head, but that didn't stop her from wishing she could.
Soon they had all settled down with their drinks, munching on a few chips as they waited for the pizzas to be ready.
"It's nice to finally meet you, Kalran," Jasmine said. "Akhir's told me so much about you."
Kalran smiled at her, looking slightly more reassured than she had at the start of the evening. "Likewise. How's your daughter?"
"She's fine," Jasmine murmured, belying her words slightly with a worried look. "She's sleeping over at a friend's."
"She'll be absolutely fine." Akhir's tone suggested that this was a sentence she'd said many times. "Becca's parents will look after her perfectly well."
"I know. I just worry that she might decide she wants to come home, and it'll take me a while to get there."
"And we have a plan for that, don't we? Several plans, in fact, not that I think we'll need to use them." Akhir smiled slightly. "Maya's been going on about this for days: how she's going to paint every part of the human body that can reasonably be painted, do everyone's hair because she's just learnt how to do plaits, and eat a tooth-rotting quantity of sweets before eventually falling asleep in a sugar coma. I can't imagine her wanting to come home, can you?"
Jasmine smiled too, looking more relaxed. "I don't remember her saying that last bit."
Alniss was utterly lost. "Is this some kind of human coming-of-age ritual?"
Kalran, Akhir and Tafnik- in short, all the Yeerks who'd had human hosts- burst out in either grins or outright laughter, making Alniss flush.
"You could call it that," Akhir said with a smile. "It's called a sleepover. My own view is that it's the worst invention humans have ever come up with, rivalled only by nuclear weaponry, but I may be alone in this opinion."
Jasmine rolled her eyes, smiling. "Akhir likes to put on the aloof-Yeerk act, but she loves her really, don't you?"
Alniss tensed slightly: that was insubordinate of Jasmine, and she was afraid she might be reprimanded. And if Kalran reacted badly to that, as she was likely to, then... Alniss knew Kalran had met Akhir a couple of times, after Akhir'd randomly got in touch somehow, and she'd seemed to really enjoy the outings. Enjoyment was something that even Alniss had noticed was rare for Kalran these days, and for it all to be ruined by some stray comment...
Alniss' stream of worry cut off as she belatedly realised Akhir had merely laughed.
"Well, that's my masterful deception uncovered."
"Does your masterful deception include the time you bought her two new My Little Ponies in the same day?" Jasmine teased, grinning at her Yeerk.
"I admit that was a minor lapse," Akhir responded, smiling back.
The conversation was interrupted by the sound of the oven timer alerting them to the fact that dinner was ready. Alniss was pleased by the interruption, which gave her a chance to let her thoughts catch up with the conversation. As she sliced and distributed pizza, she wondered about Akhir and Jasmine: she'd not seen a Yeerk interact with their voluntary host before, and it didn't look the way she'd expected. Of course, she'd seen plenty of Yeerks who had voluntary host bodies, but naturally you never saw the conversation between them, it was all internal. She'd heard a lot about what it was supposed to look like, starting as a young grub. She could still remember what she'd accessed in the computer terminals, eager as a pool-bound Yeerk for her first proper host, beyond the fifteen minutes she'd been allocated in training.
The foundation of all infestation is the glory and advancement of the Empire. On our own planet, which the accursed Andalites stole from us, the Gedd came to us for our intelligence, which led them to safe feeding sources. From this, we built up our Empire. We must, of course, care for our hosts: they are valuable resources, and a Yeerk should keep them well for the betterment of the Empire. However, we must exercise caution. A willing host, in particular, can easily encourage a Yeerk into the crime of sympathy, punishable by Kandrona starvation. Sympathy, simply defined, is providing more for a host than is needed to benefit the Empire, or providing something that will cause detriment to the Empire and its goals. To avoid this, remember: a good Yeerk will care for their host's health, to the ultimate benefit of the Empire. But they will ensure their host's obedience, without leniency.
Alniss pulled herself out of her thoughts in time to tune back into the conversation as they started their meal.
"Oh, I was just the usual, really," Tafnik was saying. "Gedd- a cleaner- then a period as a Hork-Bajir, and then just standard recruitment for the Sharing. Nothing special. You?"
"Oh, nothing special either. Assignment-wise, that is. Host-wise I was rather lucky," Akhir replied, smiling slightly at Jasmine.
"Excuse me," Jasmine said, her tone mock-offended. "You were very lucky."
Akhir laughed. "I stand corrected. Yes, I was very lucky."
Alniss watched the exchange with interest, surprised at its teasing nature. They both seemed so relaxed in the other's company, their words flowing between them without any barrier at all. Jealousy nudged at Alniss, alongside her curiosity: a host like Jasmine was a rarity. Carla was another such rarity, of course, but her relationship with Carla wasn't as easy as this.
"And you, Alniss?"
Alniss pulled herself out of her reverie at Akhir's voice. "Sorry?"
"What did you do, in the war?"
"Oh... I was a security guard, most of the time. Hork-Bajir."
"You never had a human host?" Akhir asked gently. "That must have been quite an adjustment."
"It was fine," Alniss said shortly. Her words were a lie, but she didn't feel like letting Akhir in that far. It had indeed been difficult, when she'd first taken her nothlit form: the only thing she knew about being human was how to cook, having spent some time as a Gedd in the Pool's kitchens: she'd had to work out everything else from only her training on humans and the bare, primal instincts of her human morph, which were almost useless without any cultural understanding to link them to.
Akhir seemed to sense Alniss' reluctance to talk, and quickly changed the subject. "Kalran told me Carla's working," she began, after swallowing her mouthful of pizza. "Will she be joining us later? It would be lovely to see her again."
"You knew Carla?" Alniss asked, surprised.
"Only a little. By the time she joined us I'd moved on from being a Pool guard, I was working in recruitment, but I spoke to her at a few Sharing events. And you knew her a little, Jaz, didn't you?"
Jasmine nodded. "We shared the same feeding a few times. It would be lovely to see her."
Alniss smiled, pleased. Carla had only them to rely on, and it would do her some good to have contact with someone else. Jasmine seemed appropriate.
"Yes, she'll be joining us later. I wish she didn't work, especially so late, but she insists on it." Alniss didn't really understand why: her financial position had improved, the cafe becoming increasingly successful, and she'd made it clear to Carla that she could support her now, especially with a little help from the others. But Carla had refused, even to work in the cafe in return, where Alniss could at least ensure her an easy ride. And there were no late shifts.
"She just wants to support herself, Alniss. Be independent." Kalran piped up.
Alniss bristled: feeling sorry for Kalran didn't mean she had to accept her unsolicited advice. "What do you know about it?" She tried to keep her tone as gentle as she could, but it still came out harsher than she wanted.
Kalran blushed, looking down at the floor. "Nothing, really."
There was a short, awkward silence.
"Kalran told us you run a cafe, Alniss," Jasmine said quietly, looking interestedly across at her. "I like to cook, too. Do you make all the food yourself?"
Alniss nodded. "Tafnik and I do. He works with me."
"You must be very talented, to learn to cook so well in just two years," Jasmine replied, with an admiring smile.
Alniss smiled back, the grin stretching her lips before she'd even consciously noticed it. "Thank you, but I worked in the Pool kitchens as a Gedd, for a little while. I knew how to make some things."
"Not the cake, though, I imagine," Kalran said. "Not much call for cake in the Pool, too unhealthy."
Tafnik grinned, in the trademark way that preceded a joke. "Is that why you joined the movement, Kalran? Not enough Ben and Jerry's in the Empire?"
Though Tafnik was smiling, Kalran looked uncomfortable, and Alniss tensed. Did Akhir even know? Tafnik should know better than to bring such a subject up, but he could be tactless in his humour sometimes.
"Yet another reason why I'm ashamed I never had the courage," Akhir said quickly, smiling at Kalran. "I love ice cream too."
Confusion jolted through Alniss. She wanted to ask what Akhir meant: it sounded like she'd considered joining the movement, during the war... but Alniss held herself back. She was still a little irritated at Kalran's comment: Kalran didn't know Carla as well as she did, after all; but Alniss was all-too-aware of the tension that had gripped Kalran's frame, and wanted to move the topic onto safer ground as soon as possible.
"I prefer savoury flavours, myself," Alniss said quickly. "I'm not sure whether it's my morph, or whether I just don't eat enough sweet things... are taste preferences genetic, in humans?"
"Probably a combination of both genetic and environmental factors," Kalran said instantly, rising to the bait as only a scientist could. "Most things in humans are. Most things in most species, really, particularly sapients."
"How does that work, exactly?" Jasmine asked. "I mean, the combination bit. I can see how if you only eat certain foods your whole life you wouldn't know if you liked others, and I can see how your height could be limited if you didn't have enough food, but if it's most things..."
Jasmine trailed off, but she seemed to have given enough information for Kalran to understand her question, as Kalran launched into a long explanation of epigenetics. Despite its length, Jasmine seemed fascinated, peppering Kalran with questions, which allowed Alniss to relax and turn to Akhir. Deciding to forego any subject related to the war, as far as she could, they ended up engaging in a pleasant chat about their current circumstances: Akhir worked as an administration assistant for a charity that specialised in helping humans who had suffered extremely difficult circumstances.
"I'm hoping to train as a counsellor myself, eventually," Akhir continued. "I'd like to support more directly, but at least my work does something valuable."
"What made you go into that?" Alniss asked. It wasn't exactly the kind of thing she would have had experience of before: the Empire had nothing remotely resembling mental health services. Yeerks who were unfit for service to the Empire, physically or mentally, were simply returned to the Pool, unless they'd failed to admit their incompetence and so caused damage to the Empire's interests, in which case they were usually executed.
"Some of the work I did in the Sharing was... not dissimilar, in a lot of ways," Akhir said. Her eyes flicked across to Jasmine, who was still engaged in her conversation with Kalran. "Though I am glad that now my organisation's motivations are... well, more genuine."
Alniss was puzzled. "She doesn't seem to mind," she pointed out, also looking at Jasmine.
Akhir looked a little uneasy, and quickly changed the subject. Alniss struggled to understand why: she couldn't imagine she was wrong in what she said, Jasmine seemed very happy with Akhir, and it could hardly have been different when she was a Controller.
The rest of the meal passed pleasantly enough, and they were soon scraping up the remains of the chocolate cake Alniss had made from their bowls. It seemed popular: Jasmine had even asked for a second helping, and there was still an ember of pride glowing inside Alniss as she glanced at her watch.
"I'm going to head down and meet Carla," Alniss announced to the room at large. "Anyone want to come with me?"
She always preferred to have company walking in the dark, especially this late. Their neighbourhood wasn't that safe, and Alniss always felt uneasy. That was part of the reason she never missed an opportunity to meet Carla after a late shift, even if she had to walk there alone: she was too afraid of the thought of Carla being mugged, unlikely as that was, to take the risk.
"Oh, can I?" Akhir asked immediately, getting to her feet. "I haven't seen her for many years, I'd love to have extra time to catch up."
"Of course," Alniss said, relieved, if a little surprised.
The two of them made their way out of the cramped flat while the others were sipping coffee, and headed down the dark, dank stairwell, which was thankfully quiet, and out into the night. It was a little chilly, and Alniss half-wished she'd brought her jacket, but she didn't want to be late.
"Poor Kalran," Akhir said, as they moved out of the door. "It's such a shame, isn't it?"
"About her mate? Yes, it is," Alniss admitted, though her feelings were mixed, and she couldn't help adding: "Though there are many Yeerks who suffered worse."
"Of course," Akhir murmured gently.
Alniss felt a touch on her arm, and looked around at the other Yeerk.
"I'm so sorry for your losses. It..." Akhir trailed off.
"Kalran told you, did she?" Alniss spat bitterly: while she welcomed Akhir's sympathy, which she was certain was meant only kindly, the reminder of those she'd lost also stung. Surely even Kalran could see that it was her business who she told.
Akhir frowned. "Actually, I don't think it was."
Puzzlement replaced some of Alniss' pain, which was more than welcome. "Really? Who else told you? Have you met the others before today?"
"No." Akhir seemed a little hesitant as she continued. "I think it might have been... well, you may not be pleased to hear this, but I think it might have been Elsa."
Freezing in her tracks, Alniss spun around to face her companion, disbelief and fury competing for her attention. When... when Silrin had finally been granted a transfer away from the girl who had distressed her so much, Alniss had hoped to never hear her name again, but it seemed to be cropping up on a regular basis now, from the most unexpected directions. Coming so soon after her pain, the anger she felt at Elsa daring to spread her personal grief around to all and sundry made her snap.
"How does that laklat even know? How dare she- how dare she!" Alniss' voice was almost a scream, muted only by her nervousness about drawing attention on the dark street.
"I'm sorry if I've hurt you," Akhir said softly. "You're right, it's none of my business. But I would prefer it if you didn't use that word."
She was right: Alniss had to admit that, despite her rage. She'd always found the word distasteful, herself, even in the war. "I'm sorry," Alniss managed to say. "I've never said it before, if you can believe that."
"Of course I can. You're right, Elsa shouldn't have shared that information with me. And I perhaps shouldn't have mentioned it, but I wanted to say I'd like to help you, in any way I can. Not... not that there's much I can do, but..."
"Thank you." It sounded a little cool, but, as Alniss had had to force the words out against the storm of emotions inside her, she had little ability to control the tone. "That's kind of you."
"Not at all," Akhir replied.
They walked the remaining short distance to the bus stop in silence. Internally, though, Alniss' mind was anything but quiet, swirling with pain, fury and, increasingly, a burning curiosity. An ex-Pool guard was probably the last person she would have expected Elsa to willingly speak to, and yet...
When they reached the bus stop, Alniss decided to take advantage of the remaining few minutes before Carla's arrival to assuage her curiosity. "Why in all the galaxy was Elsa talking to you?"
Akhir gave a wry smile. "That's a very good question. It shocked me too, I never in a million years thought..." she trailed off, looking a little uncomfortable again. "We've spoken a couple of times about helping the Yeerks still in the Pool. I don't know if you know, but Elsa's started a campaign to try and get them permission to have hosts. She approached Jasmine about it, initially, and then when Jaz mentioned it to me I asked if they would mind me helping too. You see, I have a friend who is in a similar situation to Kalran, so I knew how distressing it was, and I wanted to..."
Only a few words of this explanation had registered with Alniss, who took a few seconds to process what she was hearing, certain she must have misunderstood, but apparently not. "Do you mean to say you're letting Elsa have contact with Jasmine?" Alniss couldn't keep the horror out of her voice, not that she particularly wanted to.
Akhir was silent for several moments before she answered. "I'm not sure it's a question of letting her," she said slowly.
"Really?" Alniss was surprised. "Surely Jasmine would obey a direct order from you."
"Probably," Akhir said with a slight smile. "I'm not sure I've ever given her one. And I don't want to start now." Her voice became firmer, and the smile disappeared. "That kind of relationship wouldn't benefit either of us. Besides, if I was to start ordering Jaz about I'd probably tell her to interact more with other humans, not less. Elsa's been very friendly to Jaz, and she really needs more friends. The last thing I want to do is get in the way of that."
Alniss was too shocked to speak for a moment. "But..." she shook her head to clear it. "Don't you know how much danger you're putting her in?"
"Danger?" Akhir turned towards Alniss, looking a little worried for the first time. "Why do you say that?"
Alniss stared at her. The dark eyes seemed intelligent enough, but some extreme stupidity must be lurking behind them to even ask such a question. "It's Elsa," Alniss said slowly. "A highly resistant involuntary host. Talking to your voluntary. Gaining her trust. Do you not see... if she manages to get Jasmine alone..."
"Do you have any evidence that Elsa might be dangerous?" Akhir asked, still a lot calmer than Alniss felt. "Beyond her being a resistant involuntary: I knew that, but I never got the impression of that she would plan to murder or even hurt someone in cold blood. I could have imagined her yelling at Jaz if she'd happened to meet her, maybe even throwing a punch, but not... not that."
"But... she..." Alniss couldn't find the words to make Akhir understand. "Even if it is such a small chance... doesn't it terrify you?"
Akhir's calm demeanour broke for a moment, and Alniss could see the fear beneath. "Yes. Yes, I'm afraid all the time that Jasmine might be recognised by someone else. I don't think Elsa's a danger to her, but there are involuntaries that wouldn't hesitate to hurt her." Akhir paused, biting her lip as she looked down at the ground. "It was worse when I was in the Pool. I- I didn't know where she was, what had happened to her... I had visions of her out on the street, but I should have known better, really. Jasmine's tough." Shaking her head, Akhir lifted her eyes again, looking directly at Alniss. "But what can she do, realistically? She can't just stay in the apartment all the time, and she could be spotted anywhere. I worry, I try not to let Jasmine see how much, but Elsa's the least of those worries, especially now I've met her again."
Without realising she was doing so, Alniss glanced down the road in the direction the bus would come from. "It frightens me, too."
There were a few moments' silence. Alniss pulled her jacket a little closer around her shoulders: she wasn't sure if it was the reminder of the danger Carla was in every day, or simply the cold of the night wind, but she felt shivery. After a while, though, her fear calmed enough to note something else Akhir had said.
"You've met Elsa?" she asked, turning towards her. "Really? She spoke to you? Willingly?"
Akhir smiled slightly. "Yes, it surprised me too. It seems she really is determined to get our schrellatna in the Pool a better deal. I doubt she would have spent time with me if she wasn't extremely committed to it."
Nodding, Alniss shifted her weight from one foot to the other. It was hard to sort through her turbulent emotions, but it must be less than a minute now before Carla's bus arrived, and she wanted to make the most of the opportunity to get Akhir's advice. None of the other Yeerks she knew had a voluntary host they were still in contact with, and she seemed only to get one thing after another wrong with Carla at the moment.
"Carla wanted to help with that campaign, too. She... she offered to host Kalran's mate. Of course, it'll never be allowed, and I didn't want her to take the risk for something that's so unlikely to work, so I... I told her she could write anonymously, she could visit the Pool, but she wasn't to do any more than that. Was... do you think that was..." Alniss trailed off, taking a deep breath before she tried again. "You and Jasmine... you have a good bond with her, that's obvious, and I don't know anyone else who still has that kind of contact with their host. Carla was never my host, but... but I feel as though she was, in some ways."
"I can understand that," Akhir said gently.
"Did I do the right thing?" Alniss asked quickly, before she lost her nerve. "I realise we're virtually strangers, but there's no-one else I can ask."
"Have you considered asking Carla?" Akhir responded after a few moments.
Alniss frowned. "Well, she wants to help, she's made that clear. I... should I have let her? It could be so dangerous that I-"
Akhir sighed slightly: it might have been demeaning, except that it didn't seem to be directed at Alniss. "I think that one of the difficulties for us of taking humans, or even Hork-Bajir, as hosts is that we evolved with Gedds. Gedds do benefit from our guidance a lot of the time, and we have the protective instincts that go with that. But humans are perfectly capable of making their own decisions: they can assess the risks just as well as us, and often better."
"You're saying I should allow it?" Alniss asked, tension knotting her stomach. That hadn't been the advice she was hoping for.
"I'm saying it isn't about allowing it. It's not your decision."
"But..." Fear was churning Alniss' stomach, making it difficult to stay still. "Then how can I keep her safe?"
Akhir laid a hand on her arm. "You can't, not completely. But you can't do that anyway, short of forbidding her ever to leave the apartment, which would hurt her anyway, it would deny her so much of what a human needs to be happy." Moving her hand up and down Alniss' arm, Akhir continued: "But you can tell her, that you're afraid. You might find she'll work with you to find a compromise. I wasn't really scared when Jaz told me about the campaign: she's very cautious anyway, she'll keep herself as safe as she can be. But I was... well, jealous is perhaps the only word for it, when she said she wanted to take on another Yeerk."
"It won't ever happen," Alniss said quickly, hoping to reassure her.
"The chances are remote, yes, but it might. And it would change our relationship, there's no doubt about that. Jasmine knows that, too, and she asked me how I would feel about it. We both wanted it to be part-time, so we could still have some time where we could speak to each other alone."
Alniss opened her mouth to ask more, but was interrupted by the lights of the bus swinging round the corner towards them. For the first time, Alniss felt herself tensing up as she turned to face it: her conversation with Akhir, far from being reassuring, had only made Alniss feel more certain that she didn't know what she was doing: that she was letting Carla down, letting Silrin down...
As though sensing her thoughts, Akhir squeezed her shoulder. "Carla wouldn't still be here, and she certainly wouldn't be listening to you, if you didn't have a strong bond. There's no need to look so worried."
A reminder of Yeerkish terms this chapter:
Schrellatna: derived from schrellatie, but plural. An affectionate, respectful way of referring to unrelated Yeerks. A literal translation might be 'our brothers and sister Yeerks'.
Laklat: a term literally meaning a non-sentient animal, used as an insulting term for hosts in the Empire.