Note to reader: In Chapter 1 at the beginning of this story, the presumption is that Sansa had not heard yet the news of Winterfell falling or the Red Wedding. There's quite a lot to unpack in this chapter. That's all that I will say. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Chapter 14
Sandor was in the dining hall of the Inn in Braavos speaking in depth with Hermes on the journey to the Hills of Norvos. Though Sandor was still suspicious of the man, he knew Hermes and his wife meant them no real harm. Hermes had opened up to Sandor some in the last few weeks since his wife was attacked and though Sandor had known him as a quiet, almost mischievous sort of fellow, Hermes didn't go a day without speaking to Sandor in one form or the other anymore. Sandor figured the man respected him now for assisting with protecting his wife and allowing Sansa to spend as much time as she has been with Cara. His wife's grief had subsided exponentially in the last few weeks since Sansa had first visited after the attack, according to Hermes. The men both surmised that even though they needed the men in their lives to protect and guard them, only another woman could repair the internal wounds of the mind.
He looked across his shoulder at Sansa then who was sitting at one of the tables talking and giggling with Cara, Hamish, and Jamie. She looked like the bright sun sitting there with the upper part of her hair up in a modest twist and the rest pooling down her back across the yellow dress Cara had made for her. A few days ago, when they were a day's journey from reaching land, Cara had surprised Sansa with the dress she had made her. Sandor didn't know of the gift until the day they were to unboard the ship, and when he had reached their cabin to collect their things to depart, he was awarded by the sight of her wearing a dress very close to his house colors. He wasn't sure then if the dress was a testament to his house until he looked into her eyes, and she gave him a knowing look. He couldn't resist bringing her to him and stealing a passion-filled kiss from her without a word. There were so many instances that Sansa made him proud and made him feel as though he was important to her, but none had measured up to her wearing his house colors.
The four of them had decided to stay at one of the more well-kept Inns in Braavos for a few days until they had all the provisions they would need for their trip to the Hills of Norvos. Hamish and Jamie who evidently stuck to each other like glue decided to join the party while they waited on the ship to be ready to set sail again. Sandor had been amazing by the place so far. It was more than he expected, and at the same time nothing like he expected. When they had stepped off the ship and made their way down the road that led into the city, Sandor had received some incredulous looks but most of them just took a quick glance then turn away to go about their business. Sandor was surprised to not see fear in some of their eyes but then again, given the company around them, he may not look so out of place compared to the rest. He saw a vast array of people around them as they walked further into the city. Some were copper skinned, some were more dark-skinned than he had ever seen before, some even looked to have a yellow or even a pink tone to their skin. He saw abnormally tall men close to height of himself and then some exceptionally short individuals though they weren't as small as the Imp. Some even had jewelry in their faces, and some had black drawings on their skin that didn't seem to smear against their clothing; he later learned these were called tattoos. The attire of the Braavos people were what he expected as no one dressed very modestly under the hot sun. Some men were practically bare chested, which made Sansa and Cara blush, and women wore dresses that were more like cloth draped over them that didn't quite reach past their ankles. Sandor knew then after looking around for several minutes that they had picked the perfect place to hide. No one gave any of them a second glance.
Sandor and Hermes had each gotten a room and they requested them to be side-by-side which the innkeeper seemed suspicious of but never asked any questions. They had been staying at the Inn now for three days and between the two of them, Sandor and Hermes had gathered all the provisions they would need for the journey including new clothes for the group, food to last several weeks, additional weapons and cooking supplies, tents to set up during the nights, and two horses and a cart. Most of the coin to purchase the provisions were at the expense of Sandor and he had to make Hermes swallow his pride when Sandor bought both the horses and the cart himself. Sandor had been particular in his choice of the horses to take them the journey. He and Hermes had gone to one of the best vendors in town according to the talk around the city. Sandor had put his hands on each of the beasts and Hermes looked relieved Sandor was there to help pick the right pair as he had little experience with horses. As Sandor walked around examining each one, he thought of his warhorse Stranger. The destrier had been the best in Westeros in his opinion. He had been in many battles with Sandor, and he relied on the horse not only for riding but for additional protection. He was a magnificent beast that was as black as night and larger than any horse he'd ever seen. He was the perfect horse for Sandor, and he felt sad thinking of his loss. Sandor had finally selected two mares of equal size. One was brown with a white stripe down her face and the other was almost completely white apart from the red at her hooves.
Sandor snapped back into reality and resumed talking the plan with Hermes. They had both agreed the trip would take them about one fortnight, but more likely three sennights. Even with all four of them on the cart with the provisions, they both surmised the two horses would be able to go at the most thirty leagues each day without pushing them too hard. And that was only if the group didn't run into any trouble along the way or nothing happened to the horses or cart on the rough terrain. Hermes had said the trip from Braavos to Norvos was about five hundred leagues away from his knowledge.
"Do you think we're ready to leave now?" Hermes was asking the question to Sandor but was looking toward his wife with a worried expression. He figured Hermes had the same fear now as Sandor did… the unknown.
Sandor thought on that for a few moments, going through the list of provisions they had needed and what they had. "Aye, we should be ready to leave on the morrow. The sooner we can head out of here the sooner we can find a place to settle to in the hills." Hermes had shared quite a bit of detail about the land they would be travelling which surprised Sandor and made him even more curious about his male companion. Though Sandor hadn't believed the man had ever visited the Free Cities, the way he talked he had in fact been there before.
"Alright, we leave at first light tomorrow then."
At that both men nodded to each other then made their way to the women. All four of them turned to Sandor and Hermes when they approached them, and Sansa smiled brightly at him. Even though they had only been in the city for a few days, her behavior had brightened even more. He hated she had to be kept cooped up in the Inn all day while he and Hermes prepared for the journey, but it was the safest alternative for now. Sansa would ask him each night everything he witnessed, smelled, touched, etc. until she had his head rolling with all the questions. He sat down next to Sansa then and to his surprise she took his hand under the table. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and peered warmly into her blue eyes.
"We leave tomorrow." Hermes stated to the group. "We have gotten all we need for our trip so tomorrow is a good a time as any to leave now."
Both the women looked to each other excitedly and beamed at that. They had both been asking anxiously when they would finally leave even if they were nervous of what the trip may bring.
"Well, we hate to see you lot leave us…" Hamish was grinning at Sansa as he spoke. "It's been an adventure that's for sure. If you should ever need to make a trip back to Westeros, hopefully we should all be paired together again… I still wish for that rematch with you, mi' lady." Hamish winked at her and downed the rest of his drink as he and Jamie rose to leave without another word. Hamish had been talking about a rematch with Sansa since they landed but she had politely refused him each time and Sandor had told him to forget about it. Sansa had done well but Sandor didn't want to push his luck with her.
He looked at Sansa then who looked annoyed by the man's insistence and Sandor just chuckled at her expression. "Don't go getting those feathers ruffled, girl. It hurts a man's pride to be beaten by a woman and he just wanted another chance to boost that ego of his."
He chuckled again but Sansa just rolled her eyes. "It's not like he hadn't known beforehand that I had been trained by you. He knew it wouldn't be an easy fight."
"I wouldn't say that Sansa." Cara spoke up then with a slight grin on her face. "Based on the accounts from my husband as well as some of the others, I don't think any of them was expecting very much from you then." Sansa opened her mouth to object, but Cara gave her a serious look then and spoke plainly. "It's what you should want Sansa. Yes, it appears you fight well but you want a man to underestimate you. You want him to believe you are weak and helpless." Cara's voice cracked against her will then and she paused to collect herself before she continued. "I'm grateful Sandor has armed you with these skills, but you shouldn't make it known to anyone outside of this circle what you can do… Why I might have Sandor train me himself if my husband would permit it." Cara said the last statement as a jest but when Sandor looked at her face, there was an anxiousness there.
This wasn't the first time Cara had mentioned she would like to be trained to fight as well but Hermes refused the notion of his wife learning to fight like a man. Hermes looked annoyed and was about to speak when Sansa straightened then and beat him to it. "That's an excellent idea! Don't you think Sandor?"
She looked at him expectantly with raised brows as if it wasn't a question but a statement being made, and he realized looking over at Cara who was waiting anxiously for his response that the women were up to something. Without looking away from Cara, he replied flatly, "Aye."
Cara looked relieved he had agreed. Sansa turned to Hermes then. "Hermes, won't you permit your wife to learn the skill of fighting? Sandor is the fiercest, most skilled warrior in all of Westeros. It won't be everyday someone would get the chance to train under the Hound himself. She may become the most ferocious woman in the Free Cities if you give it enough time." She was smiling at Hermes sweetly, but the man looked almost angry at her statements.
"I'll not have my wife fighting like she's some man in the training yard. Sandor wanted to train you for your protection which is his duty as your sworn shield, but Cara is my wife and I'll not have her acting like one of those beefed-up soldiers. It's not proper and I'll protect my wife if she should need it." There was a finality in his voice that Sandor knew meant he would hear nothing more of the matter. Cara hung her head in defeat then, but Sansa wasn't giving up just yet.
"Oh Hermes, why do you have to be so damn stubborn about this?" Hermes looked at Sansa in shock then and Cara had risen her head and was putting a hand to her mouth to cover her smile. Sandor just raised an eyebrow at her. "Can't you see this is something your wife wants? This is something she needs. Do you want her to be a helpless female all her life or do you want her to be able to protect herself if the time should come? We don't know the people here or their intentions, so I really don't see what the harm is."
Sansa huffed at him then and crossed her arms in anger. Hermes continued staring at her in surprise then he set his jaw and rose with his hands on the table. "I've made my decision on the matter and that's that. I don't need you or anyone else telling me how I need to take care of my wife." He turned to Cara then. "It's time to go back to our room. We must pack our things for tomorrow."
As Cara rose and left, she gave Sansa a small smile in gratitude for her attempt to change her husband's mind then followed him up the stairs that led to their room. Sansa still had her arms crossed and looked ready to chew on nails. Sandor quirked an eyebrow at her and asked her, "What was that all about?"
She let out another unladylike huff. "Cara asked me to talk with her husband about being trained as well. When she heard I had taken down Hamish, she had been shocked but it gave her some sense of hope, and ever since she's been talking about being able to do the same… Sandor if Cara and I had known how to fight when those men attacked us then maybe what happened to her wouldn't have happened. Don't you see?"
She was looking at him earnestly now and he knew she spoke the truth. "Aye, you're right. I'm glad you see what I saw all those weeks ago when I started to train you, but Cara is Hermes' wife and if he doesn't want her to learn how to fight then there isn't anything we can do about it."
She looked defeated then as she hung her head a little. "I just don't want her to go through what she went through ever again Sandor. It's taken this long to finally see she smile and laugh again… I don't know if she could survive another attack."
Sansa looked truly troubled by the thought, and he put his arm around her then to give her some comfort. "I don't know if she could either, but Hermes doesn't wish any harm to befall her. You know that. He just needs to get over his own male pride."
She scoffed at that and asked him. "I suppose so, but what made you get over yours?"
He knew she was jesting with him, but he answered without even realizing it. "Because I'll do whatever it takes to protect that which I hold dear." He wasn't sure the words had actually been spoken aloud until he looked to Sansa who appeared stunned at his statement. He quickly turned his head away and removed his arm from around her. He grunted then as he stood up, "We should get back to the rooms. We need to pack our things and get some sleep. We'll be up before the sun rises in the morning and it'll be a long day for all of us."
Sansa still had a shocked expression on her face but rose to follow him back up to the room. Fuck, why did he say that? Her question was probably a rhetorical one to tease him, but his blasted mouth had answered anyway. He had basically told her he loved her, and he knew that was a mistake. He couldn't reveal his feelings so openly with her, not while they were still on the run. He could have answered because he knew it was his duty as her sworn shield, but no his fucking feelings got in the way and escaped out of his retched mouth. By the time they got back to their room, Sandor was fuming at himself for his mistake. He had been careful with expressing too much with her to keep their relationship an innocent, chaste one with no confusion on what his purpose and duty was with her. He knew if he gave into any of his feelings, she may feel free to do the same; that was if she had any more rooted feelings apart from stealing kisses in secret. He knew she did though which shocked him straight to his core. She didn't deserve a man like him and everyone seemed to know it except her. He knew part of her affection for him was because of his relentless devotion to her and giving her the freedom she had always needed but those feelings would go away one day when she resumed her life back in the North. None of this will even matter one day, other than the fact he had kept her alive all this time. He guessed he would receive a sizable sum from her brother and receive all the acceptable "thank yous" warranted but then asked politely, but forcefully, to leave and never return. He knew that day would come, and he couldn't allow himself to become any closer to her just to lose her all over again. He must be more careful.
As he was grabbing some of his things to place in one of the bags with his back to her, she spoke to him. "Sandor, what…"
"Don't Sansa." He grunted a little too forcefully to her. A few moments went by and then like an instinctive jolt, he knew she was standing right behind him before she even spoke.
"Sandor, what did you mean by your statement just now?" She seemed to have a determination behind her voice that he was already dreading. She had become blunter and more direct with him these last few weeks and though he loved to see the confidence in her, times like this he wished she were the meek little bird who was frightened of him.
"I said don't Sansa. Don't make me have to ask you again." There was a seething anger to his voice when he addressed her that at one time would have scared her half to death. Sansa wasn't that little bird anymore though.
She grabbed his arm then and turned him to face her. He knew he could have easily resisted her moving him and she knew it too. He looked down at her with seething rage and he knew his eyes were blazing at her and he was snarling viciously in warning. Sansa look at his expression long and hard then set her eyes at him with the same heat. The woman wasn't the least bit afraid of him anymore. "Oh yeah? And what will happen if I do, hm? Will you raise your hand to me or your sword? Well go right on ahead. I doubt I could beat you of all people, but you've trained me well enough I'm sure I could put up a good enough fight for a while."
Gods, this woman was so perfect for him, but her determination boiled his blood. He was glad she wasn't afraid of him anymore, but he couldn't allow her to speak to him this way. He remained quiet as he slowly stalked to her, but she kept her feet rooted to the spot while seething at him. A muscle in his left cheek jumped then. "You better watch that tongue of yours woman. I'll not have you, nor anyone else, threaten me with a fight without putting them in their place… Aye, I may have taught you what you know but you have a lot to learn still, girl. You wouldn't have a fucking chance against me. I would have you down in a matter of seconds with you sprawled on your back. I might even have my way with you for good measure."
He regretted adding that last part when he saw her resolve crack. He had a coarse mouth on him though and he wouldn't apologize for it. She knew what kind of man he was, and she also knew he wouldn't hurt her. She set her eyes on him then that looked cold as ice. "I'll not have you threaten me either Sandor Clegane." They stared daggers at each other, and he waited for what she would do next when they heard a knock at the door.
Sandor knew it was Hermes based on the knock. They had both agreed that if they needed to speak to the other, they would knock two times fast and one time slow to let each man know it was them. What the fuck did he want? "Not now Hermes." He never took his eyes off Sansa when he made the statement.
"Sandor, please open the door… It's important." The tone in the man's voice caused a heavy weight to lodge in Sandor's gut. He knew then that no, this wasn't good.
He turned from Sansa and went in the hall with Hermes and closed the door behind him. Looking at Hermes, he knew something bad must have happened. The man looked as bad now as that day Sandor saw him in the kitchens when his wife was attacked. He wondered then if something had happened to Cara, but he doubted it since he never heard a commotion in the room next to them. Sandor looked down and saw the man was holding an open parchment in his hands.
"What happened?"
Hermes ran his fingers through his hair as if to calm his nerves and mournfully replied, "I've just received word from Westeros."
Westeros? Who the hell would be sending Hermes a parchment from Westeros? Sandor had always known something was up with this man and he was going to get to the bottom of this right now. "Who the hell is sending you word from Westeros?"
Hermes seemed nervous by that and stated with finality. "I have my connections… Sandor I just received the most dreadful n-"
"Stop! You have connections? What the fuck does that mean?" Hermes hesitated and seemed to be thinking on how to respond. Something was definitely not right here, and he could feel it in his veins. He took a step toward Hermes then and glared at him. "All these days and weeks leading us to this place, you have never mentioned you had connections who may send word to you from Westeros. I've been around you and your wife for weeks now and you've never mentioned you had family back in Westeros or any acquaintances who you've left behind there. Why is that?" Hermes was wide-eyed now as he was looking anywhere but Sandor's face. Sandor needed to see what the truth was in his eyes. "Look at me. A hound can sniff out a lie so you better start spitting out the truth from that mouth of yours or by the Gods, I'll get it out of you one way or the other."
Hermes looked of utter fright while looking up at him. Sandor could see behind the man's eyes that there was a truth there that he wasn't going to like but he needed to get it out of the man before he travelled hundreds of leagues with him. "I-I, please I cannot tell you! It'll be my head if I tell you now. Please Sandor!"
That just put Sandor over the edge then. He growled lowly at the man then grabbed him by his collar and dragged him away from the rooms. He dragged him down the stairs and ignored anyone looking in their direction curiously. Hermes was clawing at his hand but when he stepped outside behind the Inn, Sandor threw the man down on the ground. They were alone out there as the sun was beginning to set and though Sandor didn't want to have to kill the man, he would if what he suspected was true.
"Who do you work for?" He growled the question low and placed the palm of his hand on the pommel of his sword.
Hermes looked terrified. He got up to sit on his knees and looked about ready to beg for his life as he reached out his hands in front of him as if in defense. "Please, Sandor! You must understand! I cannot tell you or he will kill me and my wife! Please!"
Sandor barked at him, "Who the fuck is he? Who is it you're working for?"
Hermes jumped from his shout and was truly begging now as he raised his hands almost in prayer. "Please don't make me say it Clegane. I promise to you now, I mean neither you nor the lady any harm, I swear it!"
Sandor was starting to see red and knew now who the man worked for, but he needed to hear it from him. He removed his sword from his sheath then and held it at his side. Hermes scrambled away then with wide, tear-filled eyes as he looked at him in horror. "Hermes, you best speak the truth now or by the Gods, I will gut you right here and leave your corpse to rot. Then I'll go up there to your wife and get the truth from her regardless of what method I need to employ to do it."
"NO! Please Clegane, not Cara! Please she doesn't know anything."
"Speak, damn you!"
The man looked like he was going to be sick. "Alright, alright! Gods, please have mercy on my soul." Hermes took several steady breaths to calm his nerves. "Clegane, you must promise not to kill me or harm my wife when I tell you. Please you must hear me out." Sandor was seething and he took another step towards Hermes as his patience was running thin. "Alright! Okay… Almost a year ago now, I was approached by a man in a dark cloak while I was walking home from trying to sell my goods as a merchant. I was horrible at being a merchant, with my quiet nature and all, and most of the time I would have people steal from me or I would get the short end of most deals. By this time, Cara and I were wanting to grow our family, but we barely had any money to survive on, much less support a child… This hooded figure came to me in the middle of the night when I was only a few houses down from my house and he offered me a proposition… a job. He said the job paid exceptionally well and my wife and I wouldn't want for anything. The deal would be that I kept quiet and never told a soul, not even my wife, about what I was doing. Cara eventually noticed something was amiss though after I was gone long hours in the day and even into the night, and I finally had to tell her." Hermes looked to Sandor then and seemed to be mustering up the courage to continue. Sandor looked down on him like he was some small animal waiting to be slaughtered. Hermes swallowed visibly then as he continued, "I-I work for Lord Varys, the Spider."
Sandor gave out a frustrated roar at that and had half a mind to cut the man's head off but instead went over to some of the wooden boxes against the building and started kicking at them to let out his frustration. He knew something wasn't right about the man from the start. This whole time the fucker had been a spy… a spy for the eunuch who was tasked to watch he and Sansa. Now the pair was about to travel hundreds of leagues away right under the Spider's nose. Sandor went to the man then and hoisted him up and delivered a hard punch to his left cheek. He let the man drop as he held his face from the impact.
He looked up at Sandor then with blood running from his left cheek. "Please, Clegane! I mean you no harm! You must believe me! You were just another assignment, and I took my wife from our home so I could watch you and report back to Lord Varys, but then I got to know you. I got to know you both, and Sansa became my wife's dearest friend and you have done so much for us that you don't even realize. Please! I was tasked with reporting to Lord Varys as soon as we landed but I wasn't expecting a parchment to be delivered to me for months. I hadn't even had the chance to write to him when this parchment was slid under my door only moments ago." Hermes was looking at Sandor is desperate earnest. "You must believe that the contents of this letter were not meant for your eyes yet and I wouldn't risk telling you about the letter if I didn't care for you both. I was going to write Lord Varys a vague account of our time on the ship and that you were both going to Pentos. You must believe me."
Sandor was grinding his molars together as he thought about what the man had said. He had been deceived by the man and his wife, and he hadn't seen the threat until now. Looking at Hermes now and getting to know the man these past few weeks, he did believe him when he said he meant them no harm but a connection to Lord Varys was a dangerous situation to put himself and Sansa in. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with the man, but he needed to find out what was so important that Hermes would've risked revealing his identity to him. He approached Hermes and snatched the parchment out of his hand without any resistance.
As he read the words, he learned that Sandor had a price on his head for 30,000 gold dragons for abandoning his post and allowing the mob to murder the king and Queen Regent. He scoffed at that. There was a 100,000-gold dragon award for anyone knowing the whereabouts of Sansa and then a 300,000 reward for anyone who could bring her back alive and unharmed to Tywin Lannister. It was an outrageous amount, he thought, the Lannisters would barely be able to afford it with as much debt they were in. Why would they want her this badly? The letter also revealed that no one had put it together that Sandor and Sansa had fled together, and there were no suspicions yet that either of them were no longer in Westeros. Sandor breathed a sigh of relief at that, but the next few sentences hit his core like ice and his gut felt heavy with dread:
"Winterfell has fallen. The castle was seized by the Ironborn, Theon Greyjoy. Bran and Rickon Stark were killed and burned by the Ironborn, and the children's burnt bodies were displayed for all to see on either side of Winterfell's main gate.
In addition, Rob Stark broke a marriage pact between him and Lord Walder Frey to marry one of House Frey's daughters. Lord Frey demanded that Edmure Tully wed one of his daughters as compensation for the broken agreement. Edmure agreed to the terms, and the wedding was held at the Twins. Several lords from the North and the Riverlands attended the wedding with their bannermen. Robb was lulled into a false sense of security by Lord Frey and the betrayal occurred after the formal ceremony and the bedding, with Edmure and his bride. The door of the great hall was closed and with Lord Frey's signal, they attack the Northern bannermen, slaughtering all the men. Rob's young bride, heavy with child was butchered and Rob Stark was repeatedly shot with crossbows then finished off by Roose Bolton with a stab in the gut. Catelyn Stark's throat was slit by Black Walder. The only known living Stark now is Sansa Stark and her bastard brother Jon Snow. Arya Stark is still presumed dead. You must ensure her safety at all costs."
Sandor stared at the parchment and read it two more times to be sure he understood the message. A heavy dread rippled through his body then: Sansa's entire family was gone. The two remaining living relatives was her bastard brother who was at the Wall and her younger sister who was probably dead. Sandor crinkled the parchment in his hands and brought it up to his forehead in dread. How was he going to tell Sansa? How could anyone deliver news such as this? She has been so carefree and happy these last several weeks, and this news was going to crush her. He thought in the back of his mind he may keep the deaths a secret from her, but then decided it wouldn't be fair to her and she would find out one day anyway. Best to deliver the news now and get it over with instead of delaying the inevitable.
Sandor looked to Hermes who was now standing, and he could see the man was regretful. Whether he was regretful at the news for the Starks or for deceiving Sandor all these weeks, he wasn't sure. Sandor stuffed the parchment in his pocket then addressed the man, "I want you to write to Lord Varys that the Hound and Lady Sansa are going to Volantis. The eunuch won't believe I would take Sansa to Pentos since it's right off the coast and would make it easier for someone to recognize me from Westeros. Volantis is many leagues away from Braavos, many more than we'll actually be traveling, and Varys would believe I've taken her there since it's so deep within the Free Cities and so far away from any Westerosi eyes. If you're on our side, then you'll have to prove it to me by doing as I say. You must know once you deceive Lord Varys, he will try to have you killed since you probably know too much. If you're willing to take that risk, then so be it. We need to still leave tomorrow regardless of the contents in this letter and if I get any whiff we're being followed I'll cut your tongue out. Got it?"
Hermes was wide-eyed again but eagerly nodded his head in understanding. Sandor turned from the man then to return to Sansa. He didn't know how he was going to tell her that her entire life has just been changed and she's lost all the family she's ever known. He dreaded having to be the one to deliver the news, but he knew it needed to come from him. As he reached the door, he took a deep breath before making his way inside. Sansa was sitting by the small fireplace in the back corner of the room, wearing a thin, blue robe Sandor had gotten for her a few days ago with her nightgown underneath. She didn't raise her head or even acknowledge he had entered. He could see she was still angry at him based on how forcefully she was knitting the socks she had been making for him. He swallowed heavily and slowly walked to stand in front of her. She continued to ignore him, and he wished he were anyone else right at this moment. He was about to break her heart.
"Sansa." The word came out as more of a breathless whisper filled with dread. She stopped moving her hands then and slowly looked up at him curiously. There must have been something in his expression that let her know something was amiss because she set down her knitted on the table next to her and slowly rose out of the chair.
"What has happened?" He could see her eyebrows knitting together now from worry and she began nervously moving her hands together in front of her.
"There's been some news from Westeros…" She seemed to perch up at that but slowly realized based on his expression it wasn't good news. She was darting her eyes around the room as if she could find the source of his meaning there. He realized then as she kept quiet that she wasn't going to ask him what has happened again as he could see she was trying to prepare herself for the news. He sighed then. "Sansa… I-I'm sorry I must be the one to tell you… Winterfell was sacked by Theon Greyjoy, and your younger brothers are dead… Your brother Rob and your mother were betrayed by the Freys during a wedding and they're both dead along with the Northern bannermen... I'm sorry Sansa."
He had spoken more bluntly than he meant to but then again, it wouldn't lessen the blow. He waited then for her to weep and sob uncontrollably and probably throw herself to the floor or the bed hearing the news, but she didn't do any of that. She looked confused and had her eyebrows knitted together as if thinking very carefully about what he had just said. He knew she was trying to deny the news in her mind. Without looking at him she asked him, "Are you certain of this?"
"Aye, Hermes received a parchment from a source he has in King's Landing… It's a reliable source." He wasn't going to tell Sansa today about what he discovered about Hermes' connection to Lord Varys.
Sansa licked her lips and seemed to still be in deep thought at what he had said. "And-and what of Arya? Was there any news of Arya?"
He was confused by her question then as no one had heard what happened to Arya since her father's death. Sansa knew this. "No, they haven't found her yet." He knew Arya was probably dead and deep-down Sansa probably knew it too, but he wasn't going to say such to her now.
She nodded her head then, "And Jon? My brother, Jon, has there been any news of him?"
"He is still at the Wall. There's been no reason to suspect that he has left his post there."
She nodded again at that then slowly made her way towards the bed. He watched her carefully, waiting for her to lose her calmness. With her back now to him she asked him, "And what-what of us? Did-did the letter mention if Tywin is still looking for us?"
He took a deep breath then. "Aye, I have a price on my head for deserting and there's a reward for anyone who may know of your whereabouts or can bring you to Tywin alive. No one suspects we're together or that we've escaped to the Free Cities."
He saw her nod to herself then as she began slowly removing her robe. "Well, that-that's good. We're still s-safe here then. That's good." The last word was said as a whisper that he could barely understand, and he was becoming worried now. She was in shock.
He walked over to her then and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Sansa… Sansa, I'm so sorry. I-"
She immediately squirmed away from him and when she looked at him he could see the rage behind her eyes. "Don't! Just don't! I won't believe it Sandor. Do you hear me? I won't! There is no way I will believe that my entire family is either dead or missing while I've been at sea all this time. I won't believe I'll never see anything of them again. I cannot conceive of it!"
He knew she was in shock and utter denial, but he had to get through to her. "Sansa, I know this is hard, but you must believe it. The letter was from the Red Keep, they would know for sure. You must-"
Suddenly she snaked out her hand and punched him hard in his jaw. The impact turned his head and made him grunt. Fuck, she hits much harder now and she knows were to place her hand to make it hurt the most. He turned to look at her then in disbelief and unlike before, there was no fear or regret reflecting at him but instead a challenge pointed in his direction. He remembered the feeling he had once before when she had slapped him. The slap hadn't hurt him physically, but it had torn him apart emotionally. This slap did hurt physically but looking at her now, he knew this wasn't about him and he knew he couldn't be selfish. He knew she was hurting, and she was needing to direct that on someone. She was needing to let out all the rage she felt now before she could accept the pain. He was strong and he knew, even though this would be hard for him, he could handle whatever may come. She had helped him once curb his rage and helped him give into the feelings of emotional pain inside him, and now he would do the same for her.
He sneered at her then with malice, "Have you lost your damn mind? I always thought you a stupid little bird and I see the proof of it now."
She lifted her closed fist again and he allowed her to punch him again. Fuck, that one hurt even worse. He could see the rage growing now within her after the second hit, so he batted her some more. He growled at her then, "You want to go toe to toe with the Hound? Fine. Go right ahead and see what happens girl."
She went to strike him again, but he easily dodged her fist this time. She let out a frustrated huff and went after him again with more determination. He continued swatting away her swings and kicks coming at him as she was relentlessly attacking him now. He was careful not to push her away too roughly but she was starting to actually give him a workout. He pushed down the pride he felt knowing he had taught her well and instead focused on allowing her to take out her hate on him. He could see some tears starting to form in her eyes as he kept his gaze level on her and then she gave a frustrated yell and screamed at him, "This is all your fault!"
She was breathing hard now and had her fists balled up at her sides as she glared at him with hate. He was taken aback by her statement but reasoned she was stating it out of her clouded mind full of anger. "My fault? I'm not the one who murdered your family Sansa. I didn't kill your father or your mother or any of your brothers. I've been with you this entire time so how is this my fault?"
"Exactly! I've been with you on a fucking ship hundreds of leagues away from all of them. If you hadn't taken me away then maybe I would have been with Bran and Rickon in Winterfell when Theon attacked or maybe I would have been with my mother or Rob when they were slaughtered. I have no one now! My only sister is believed to be dead and my bastard brother Jon never liked me anyway because of how awful I was to him back then. I have NO ONE! No one except you. I don't even have the bannermen as an ally anymore and now here I am stuck in this place with a bunch of strangers and you! I should've never agreed to go on this voyage and now I'll never see any of my family again and it's all your fault."
He stood looking at her stunned at her declaration. He knew she had said it to hurt him or maybe to enrage him further. He wondered then if maybe a part of what she said was true. If he hadn't taken up Lord Varys on his offer and instead headed for Winterfell, maybe she would have been with her brothers or her mother all this time. Then he realized, what she didn't seem to understand, if they had gone to the North and met up with her family then she would have been slaughtered right along with them. He felt a pain in his chest at the thought. He clenched his jaw then and knew he had to break through her hate.
"This isn't my fault, Sansa. No, you'll never see any of them again and I'm sorry for that but if we had stayed in Westeros and gone North, we might have been caught before even making it to your family, and if we did make it to them, you would have been slaughtered right alongside them. Don't you see this was the best option for you? We couldn't have known any of this was going to happen when we got on that ship but you can't blame me, or yourself, for how this turned out." She had her eyes squeezed shut now as if she was trying not to hear what he said. "You need to now let go this anger you feel Sansa. Don't be like me. Don't give into the rage and self-hate. Let it go." She opened her eyes then to look at him with just as much anger as before. He was suddenly feeling as though he had lost her as she continued looking at him with so much hate. More desperate now, he spoke to her more gently, "Sansa, I swore an oath to you, only you. I didn't swear it to your brother, or your mother, or the North. I swore it to you. I will never abandon you no matter what occurs. No matter how much hate you might feel for me now, I'll not leave you… I cannot. I'm in too deep now and I won't ever let any harm befall you or ever let you be alone. I swear it from this day until the end of my days. You must at least trust that. I know you wanted to return to your family one day, to Winterfell, to your home, but we cannot control the universe. I know you wish things were different but there's nothing we can do about it now except endure it."
She had slowly calmed her features as he spoke, and she had raised her fists to press against her eyes. He knew he was starting to break through to her, but he needed to do more now. "Sansa, do you remember what you told me once? Remember that night when I told you about my sister and how much pain it had caused me to lose her and not be there to protect her?" She slowly removed her fists from her eyes, and he could see the wetness there as she looked at him with a pained expression. "You told me to let it in, that you could feel my pain… Well, I feel your pain now, love. I can feel it as if it's my own. Let it go. Don't be like me and bottle the rage inside until it's all you can feel… You told me once it takes courage to feel the pain. Let yourself feel it now love, you can handle it. Let it in."
She let out a sob then as she sank to the floor. As she let out a mournful howl, he knew this would be hard on her, but she needed to face the losses now and not delay until she felt nothing at all. He went down to his knees in front of her and pulled her into his lap and held her as she sobbed uncontrollably. He remembered this feeling from once before as she had held him. He remembered the feeling of his chest splitting open and the sobs choking him until he couldn't feel anything but the pain. He also remembered as the pain poured out of him, the feeling of relief he felt when it was finally set free. He could feel it from her now as she clutched his tunic and he felt the wetness seep through to his chest. She was practically wailing now but he was so relieved she was letting herself feel the pain rather than the rage. He whispered assuring words to her and let her know everything would be okay. They stayed like that on the floor for a long time before her sobs slowly eased. He lifted her in his arms as he rose then laid her on their bed. He pulled her against as she continued to cry but her sobs had become less frequent and she was breathing heavy now.
"W-What are we going to do now?" She sounded helpless and as lost as a child who had been separated from her parents in a crowded room. He presumed that was the case here, a young woman lost and without family in a sea of people from here all the way to Westeros. She must feel like she's stepped into another cage only much bigger and even more dangerous now. He understood both her despair and her fear but he wouldn't allow her to be consumed by it, not while he was here.
"We'll survive. That's what we'll do. We'll leave this place on the morrow as we said we would, and we'll put as much distance between us and them as we can… They'll be looking for you now, you know. I know you don't want to hear it right now, but this news has spread across Westeros by now and they'll all be after you now and your sole claim. The Lannisters, the Boltons, the Freys, all of them. They'll raise the reward for anyone that can find you the longer you stay undetected… I know you're scared love but I swore to you once and I'll swear again that I'll be a beacon in the darkness for you and be without fear in the face of your enemies. It doesn't matter how many should come, I'll defend you until there is no longer breath or soul left in my body."
She nodded against his chest then and he could feel her trembling uncontrollably against him. He knew words could only comfort her so far, so he pressed her to him tighter as if he could will her shaking to stop with his strength. After a few moments, she whispered to him, "I trust you Sandor, more than anyone else. I-I'm sorry for earlier… I don't know what came over me, but it felt… good… to hit something."
He chuckled at her then knowing exactly the feeling she had experienced. "Aye, I know. It's not everyone who gets to say they've managed to strike the Hound three times in their life and lived to tell the tale. Just don't make it a habit or share your tale too many times, or people may think I've grown soft."
She chuckled some then and he was relieved she was able to let go of her grief long enough to do it. She lifted her head some then to look at him and he looked back into her red-rimmed eyes. "You called me love." He knitted his brows at her then confused. "Earlier, when you said you could feel my pain… you called me love."
He thought on it a moment and realized he had. He should feel regret or grief over his slipup but he knew in that moment she may have needed to hear it so he couldn't feel sorry for it. He didn't want to feel sorry for it right now. He searched her eyes then trying to read them and though they were sadder than he'd ever seen them, he could see the glimmer of hope in them. He responded simply to her, "Aye." He then pulled her body to him and kissed her forehead. They laid back on the bed after that to sleep and he tried to push down any concern or anxiety for what tomorrow would bring. All that mattered right now was her still safe in his arms, the rest of the world would have to wait.