Note to reader: Sorry for the long wait! I was travelling for work and haven't had much time to write for some time now. I wasn't sure where I was going to go with this chapter either so it took me longer than expected to post. The next chapters shouldn't have such a long wait. Thank you to everyone who have left comments so far!
Chapter 17
Over two weeks after the attack from the bandits, the group were making their final decent to the Hills of Norvos and Sandor knew they would reach their destination any day now. Cara had resumed her place on the back of the cart with Sansa tending to her motherly as she continued to recuperate. The first week had been hard on Sansa and almost harder on Sandor seeing her in pain and in such a weakened state. It wasn't until almost a full week had gone by that Sansa had enough strength and endurance to attempt walking on her injured leg. Sandor had insisted to both Cara and Sansa that she needed to start walking again to prevent her leg from becoming stiff and idle. Sandor had seem too many times men who had been injured to become weak and lazy from the pain, and those fools had lost a limp or never gained full function again. He wouldn't sit back and watch the same happen to Sansa. The women were hesitant to heed his demands at first, but they finally relented to him. He wrapped an arm securely around her waist and let Sansa lean her full body weight against him as she attempted to put weight on her leg for the first time, but when she gasped in pain and Cara had rushed to her side demanding they stop, Sandor had snapped at the woman to fuck off. He knew putting weight on the leg would be painful, but it was essential for Sansa to begin using her leg again if she ever wanted it to return to normal functionality. Sansa had insisted her leg hurt too much to continue but he had snapped at her to stop her womanly whining and do as he said. He wouldn't admit to either of the women how much he was suffering seeing Sansa in pain, but he knew she needed to recover as quickly as possible for the rest of the journey.
Sandor worked hard with Sansa every day and every night getting her leg functioning again. He snapped at her every time she whined or complained but never snapped at her when tears formed in her eyes due to the pain or the exertion it took to keep going. Instead, he would stop and speak softly in her ear to be strong and rest until their next exercise. He made more stops during the day to stretch out Sansa's leg. Though she had seemed reserved to have his hands on her thigh, eventually she allowed him to move her leg up and down, and side to side to get as much range as possible every chance they could get. After only a few days, she was finally able to walk on her own by only holding onto Sandor's forearm for support and he even made her a makeshift crutch from a sturdy limp. Now she was walking well enough to almost not need the added support.
Sandor had been relieved seeing her progress so quickly especially knowing how weak she had been the first days after the attack. The first several days had been miserable and taxing on Sandor. He and Cara remained in the small clearing while Sansa recovered enough to be moved. Sandor kept himself distracted from Sansa's illness and pain by foraging in the woods each morning and tending to any and every need Cara directed at him. The day after cauterizing the wound, Sansa had developed a high fever and to Sandor's dread began mumbled incoherently to herself in her sleep from the fever. Sandor was so overwhelmed with stress and grief that he could barely function enough to retrieve the water needed to bring down her fever Cara had directed him to fetch. Cara had shouted at him several times that first day when he stood there stupidly staring at Sansa's delirious form when she would ask him to fetch more water or to make a broth from hares to give Sansa. The woman was thankfully completely dedicated those first hours getting Sansa's fever down by dunking cloth in the cold water and placing it all over her body. Cara, with the help of Sandor continuously fetching the cold water from the stream, was able to break Sansa's fever completely by the late afternoon. He had been so relieved when Cara told him with a relieved smile on her face that Sansa's fever had broken that he stormed away from the pair to weep softly to himself in the depths of the woods. Never in his life had Sandor cried two days in a row but his relief knowing the worst was over for Sansa was enough to cause the deep emotions within him to arise.
That evening before the sun set, Sandor began digging a grave for Hermes next to a large tree that Cara had picked out. He had never dug a grave for a man before and the experience was somewhat humbling for Sandor. He had killed countless men in his lifetime and countless graves had been dug because of his brutality. He wondered as he dug the grave who the gravediggers had been for his victims. Were they killers like himself, or just ordinary men who had never done any real harm to anyone? Then, with dread, he wondered if a wife or a loved one had ever had to dig a grave for one of Sandor's victims like Cara would have had to if Sandor hadn't been there… He immediately buried that possibility from his mind knowing his emotions were too sensitive that day to contemplate such a possibility. When Sandor had finished with the grave and brought Hermes next to it, he stepped away from the scene to allow Cara to say goodbye to her husband. Sandor was surprised at the emotion that again arose within him as he thought of himself having to suffer the death of the one person he loved. He tried with all his strength to not think of the possibility of Sansa's death, and he just hoped selfishly if there were any Gods, they would take him long before such a day came to pass. When Cara called him back that she was ready, he gently lowered Hermes into the ground then began shoveling the dirt on top of him. Cara didn't stay long enough to watch the dirt pile on top of her husband and by the time Sandor was done, the sun had almost completely left the horizon.
The next two days, Sandor continued tending to all of Cara's needs for Sansa and Cara herself. He hunted for all their food, discarded Sansa's torn blood-soaked britches from sight, tended to the horses religiously, and repaired some damage that had befallen the cart during their swift retreat from the bandits. Sansa didn't wake up those first two days and Sandor couldn't bring himself to see her in such an inebriated state, so he kept his distance from her as much as possible. He spoke to Cara only as much as was required and avoided her as well until he could see Sansa was out of danger with his own eyes. He knew he was being a coward and Sansa may be disappointed in him for being so weak, but he had no control over her recovery now and he felt completely helpless. Sandor didn't like the feeling, so he avoided it as much as possible to keep his sanity. He knew staying in the clearing all these days would also delay their arrival at the Hills, but he would wait weeks if Sansa needed it.
On the third day, Sansa had finally woken up and when Cara fetched Sandor from deep in the woods with the news, he had dropped the wood he was carrying for the fire in his arms and immediately rushed to Sansa's side. When he approached her and lowered to one knee next to her, he could see the wound and fever had taken quite a toll on her. Dark circles were under her eyes, and she was exceptionally pale from the blood loss. Her hair was flat and colorless, and if it was at all possible, she looked even slimer than before. Regardless of her obvious weakness and pain, when she saw Sandor, she gave him a warm smile that reached her eyes. He reached a hand down to brush the backs of his knuckles across her cheek then leaned down to place a kiss to her lips. He was surprised to see a tear fall from his face to land on her cheek, but Sansa just gave him an endearing smile in return. He sat with her for a long time after that talking quietly to her while Cara gave them some privacy. He had told her how worried he had been when he saw the gash and blood, and especially when she had run a fever. He told her also of how proud he was of her for not being overwhelmed by her fears of the men who attacked them, and he was relieved to see her awake again. She reached a hand up to his scarred side of his face and told him she would never leave him. He had been too overwhelmed with emotion to respond to her, so he gave her a kiss on her palm in response. Sandor had stuck to her side after that feeding her broth and massaging her sore muscles caused from the blood loss and dehydration until she was recovered enough to travel.
Sandor knew he loved the woman before but after her injury, he realized the love he had for Sansa ran deeper than he could have ever foreseen. Being so close to losing her had made Sandor's sentiments towards her both possessive and overwhelmingly tender. Though he pushed her recovery hard, he tended to her every need and never left her side during the day or at night unless he needed to hunt or relieve himself. To Sandor, it was almost like his subconscious mind was looking for any sign her health was slipping backwards, and he would be there to keep her from falling back again. He relished in her presence now more than ever before and he would sit closely with her each night talking to her more than he ever had while he ran fingers through her hair or draped an arm across her shoulders or swirled his fingers between her fingers. He would talk of his time at Clegane Keep and his early life in King's Landing. He told her of his life's mission of killing his brother Gregor for not only what he had done to him and his sister but for all the pain and destruction he had caused so many others. He told her of his memories of his mother; how she had been a kind, quiet woman who was the polar opposite of his cruel, heartless father. He even told her of some of his battles and showed her some of the wounds on his body that he could remember receiving during his life as a soldier in King's Landing. Sansa seemed to soak up everything he said and took his willingness to speak to her openly as an opportunity to ask him questions no one had ever cared enough to ask him before. She asked him how he felt about the life he had led at King's Landing and whether he was lonely or unhappy with his way of life. She even asked him if he ever had hopes of getting married and starting a family one day, or what his dreams were for the future. Those things weren't questions he could answer easily but he told her that while he was in Westeros, he never had any hope of having a family of his own and his future right now was in the present with her.
Snapping back to the present, Sandor turned his head to look over his shoulder at Sansa and Cara on the back of the cart. The women had their heads together talking quietly together out of earshot of Sandor. Seeing the seriousness on the women's faces, he presumed they were being purposefully quiet to keep him from overhearing their conversation. Sansa had been devastated at hearing of Hermes' death, and Sansa had cried with Cara when she heard the news. Sandor had been relieved Sansa was well enough to comfort the woman as Cara had barely spoken and looked completely miserable until Sansa had gotten well enough to realize Hermes wasn't there. Sansa had cried anew when she learned Cara was with child and she insisted to Cara that her and Sandor would take care of her and her child. He knew he would do whatever Sansa wished but he knew caring for the woman and a new babe would be harder than Sansa realized. He had shared with Sansa as such, but she had immediately dismissed any talk of his suggestion that Cara remarries. Sandor was frustrated that Sansa couldn't seem to see the sense in his words but then again, he wasn't a woman much less a woman who had only just lost her husband. He knew the women were talking together on their plans for Cara and her child, and Sansa would be the one to let Sandor know of their plans without expecting any input from him. Women.
Sandor jerked his head around when he heard a shout in front of them. A man was approaching them from the dirt road with a hand raised in sociability and as the man got closer, Sandor could see he had a friendly, open smile on his face.
"Hi ya! I saw you approaching from down a ways and thought I would meet you down the road." The man was probably in his late twenties if he had to guess and didn't appear as much of a threat to Sandor, but he remained wary of the lone man. "My name's Peter, I come from a village just a few leagues East of here."
Sandor looked down at the man blankly wondering if he should give the man his real name. He had advised Sansa that it was probably best not to give their real names going forward just in case word had spread in this part of the world that Sandor and Sansa had a price on their head. Sansa had agreed and told him she wanted to be called Jeyne from a childhood friend in Winterfell. Sandor had told Sansa he wanted to be called Liam which was one of the stable hands from Clegane Keep as a boy.
"I'm Liam, this is Jeyne and Cara. We're on our way to the Hills of Norvos seeking a place to call home."
The man nodded his head in greeting to the women in the back of the cart then turned back to Sandor. "Well, you're in luck then. The small village I come from is in the Hills and there are plenty of accommodations for you all to find a comfortable refuge." The man smiled warmly at Sandor as if he didn't even see the scars on his face. "I can show you the way to the village myself. There is a house there for the occasional traveler that should give you enough privacy to see if the place is to your liking. We can always use new neighbors."
Sandor turned then to gauge Sansa's reaction to the man's offer. She was chewing her bottom lip indicating to him she was in deep thought. When she locked eyes with him, she gave him a reassuring nod. He turned back to the man and rasped to him, "We would appreciate you showing us the way."
"Of course!" The man bounced up gleefully into the cart next to Sandor and he wondered if the village didn't get many visitors based on his gleefulness. Peter pointed Sandor in the direction of the village then spoke socially with the women when he realized Sandor wasn't much for conversation. The group arrived at the village thirty minutes later and Sandor observed as much as he could as they approached. The village was relatively remote and was nestled between two rather large mountain ranges. The road they were travelling on lead from a higher-level hill down to the village below and continued, from what Sandor could see, all the way through the center of the village. There were many houses and buildings scattered across the open land that stretched across about two leagues. The buildings closest to the road Sandor presumed were for trading and Peter confirmed this as they passed some as they continued making their way down the road. There weren't very many people out, but they all seemed delighted to see new faces, and Sandor could see the village and its people weren't impoverished.
"Here is the house I spoke of. The owner lives only a short distance away so I will go retrieve him as you make yourselves comfortable and rest from your journey."
With that, Peter left with a wave and Sandor jumped down from the cart to observe their dwelling. It was small to say the least, but he could see it was kept up fairly nice based on the grounds and condition of the building. Sandor made his way to the back of the cart to help the women off the cart then led Sansa and Cara to the house. He entered first to ensure the safety of the dwelling before permitting the women to enter. The house was basically one room with a living area, small kitchen and a "bedroom" only separated from the rest of the house by a curtain for privacy. The room had one wooden divan and two small side tables to the left of the room that led to a kitchen in the back of the room and the sleeping area to the right. Sandor wasn't sure how the three of them would remain comfortable in such a small space, but he figured it could have been worse. Cara and Sansa didn't seem to mind and even commented on how quaint the space was.
"Don't you love the little pedestal table they have, Cara? It looks like it was hand-made don't you think?" Sansa said to Cara as she limped to the table in the center of the room.
"Yes, I bet one of the villagers must have carved it themselves. How special! The space is quite small but it's homely don't you think."
The women continued their chattering as they went from one area of the room to the other and Sandor had to resist rolling his eyes at them. He presumed though they were both just glad to have the chance to have a roof over their heads after so many weeks sleeping on the ground. Sandor made his way back to the cart to gather all their supplies as he left the women to themselves. As Sandor brought the last of their bags in the house and was tending to the cart and horses, Peter arrived back with a round-bellied, red-faced man no younger than sixty if Sandor had to guess. The man was smiling ear to ear when he approached Sandor and he guessed the man was eager to receive some coin for his establishment.
"Liam, this is Bertus. He is the owner of the house, and I told him we had some travelers who wished to use his dwelling until they settled in."
Sandor just grunted in response and shook Bertus' outstretched hand. "It's nice to see some new faces again! We haven't had many visitors other than traders since the war broke out in the East with the Dothraki and the war raging in Westeros. You're welcome to stay for as long as you need. Peter mentioned you had two women traveling with you?"
Sandor knew there was more to the question than what the man asked but he wasn't willing to explain to him or anyone else who these women were to him just yet. "Aye, they are inside resting after the long journey. What is your rent to stay here?" No use wasting any time getting down to business.
The man raised his eyebrows at Sandor's abruptness but otherwise didn't seem bothered. "My fee is two coins per night but let's not talk about money now." The man waved his hand in dismissal. "I know you must all be tired from your travels but why don't you and your travel companions come to my home tonight and have dinner? Not much is available in the house right now other than some dried meats and bread. My wife is an excellent cook, and she would be delighted to host strangers again! She hasn't been able to cook a meal for anyone other than some older friends who are rarely able to visit anymore and since our daughter got married and moved into the city a year ago, she has been desperate for female company for some time now. Why the poor woman has only had her old man to talk to and Peter here on occasion for the last year since he helps around the farm some… Come to think of it, you're quite a strong looking fellow, have you ever worked on a farm before? We could use a strong hand for some repairs and fixing some of the buildings for the livestock for true. Well, you look more like a fighter than a worker but if you help out some we would take it out of the rent you owe of course… Do either of the women sew or clean? My wife could use a helping hand from time to time." Sandor just stared blankly at the man as he opened and closed his mouth trying to answer the man's multiple questions as he continued rattling along evidently not expecting Sandor to actually answer any of his questions. He guessed the old man hadn't had much company either based on how he wouldn't shut the fuck up. Sandor was already getting a headache. "Well, no bother really if you can't help an old couple out. No harm done either way and I'm sure we can find you a suitable occupation. Oh! Peter mentioned you're looking for a home, yes? There are many homes scattered across the Hills that would provide ample room for you all and the land is rich with game that you can hunt for true, and the ground is a bit rocky from the mountains, but the soil is great for growing crops. I'll take you out tomorrow to observe it for yourself… Peter, isn't the old Gremes place available after Yora moved out when her husband passed. Poor lass had to move closer to the city when Kintos passed from a sudden fever and the place has been vacant ever since. It's just a few leagues away from here and should be plenty of space for three… Well to come to think of it the old Trenten place is available as well. Peter, do you remember-"
Sandor was on the verge of pulling his sword from his belt and lopping off the old man's head if he didn't shut up, but thankfully Sansa and Cara emerged from the house then to greet the men.
"Ah! Well, hello you must be the women traveling with Liam here. I'm Bertus, the owner of this dwelling. I was just inviting Liam for you all to come have dinner at my home tonight. We would be delighted to have you join us."
Sansa gave the man a friendly smile and bowed her head in greeting. "Nice to meet you, sir. I'm Jeyne and this is Cara. We would be delighted to join you. It has been quite some time since we've had a home cooked meal with such friendly company."
"It's settled then! My wife will be overjoyed for true. Peter, why don't you join us as well. Peter here comes around more often than most to visit us since he's been helping us around the farm some."
Peter nodded in agreement while gazing at Sansa. Sandor's blood started heating when he saw the man's cheeks blush and smiled warmly at Sansa. He growled inwardly at the sight.
"We're tired from traveling so we'll be retiring now until dinnertime." Sandor snarled the statement to the group and without waiting for a reply brushed passed them and grabbed Sansa by the arm to lead her back into the house.
Bertus responded to Sandor's retreating form, "Quite right! I'll come fetch you all tonight. Nice to meet you all!"
Once Sandor had reentered the home, he plopped down on the divan heavily being relieved he was away from insistently chatty man. Tonight, would be dismal for him if the man's wife was anything like her husband. Cara and Sansa made themselves busy unpacking the belongings and chatting away together while Sandor suddenly and unexpectedly became very sleepy. He guessed the relief at finally arriving at their destination and feeling the group was safe now, permitted him to relax enough to hang his head to sleep.
When Sandor woke up for what must have been hours later based on the lighting from outside, he looked around the room for Sansa and saw her sleeping on the bed with Cara across the room. Sansa was laying on her side facing him, and he got a clear view of her face. She looked relaxed and serene which gave Sandor some measure of peace. He was glad she was getting some rest after everything she had experienced physically in the past few weeks. He knew she had been trying to remain strong for Sandor, but he could see how her injury had affected her considerably. Her features, though always beautiful to him, were duller now and she hadn't regained the light in her eyes yet that he had seen for so long now. Her movements had become slow due to her leg and from recovering from her weakness, and he had to continue reminding himself while they traveled that she wasn't back to herself yet. He hoped now that they were done traveling for some time would restore her back to her old self, and she would be happy.
He thought then about where this journey would now lead them now that they had arrived at this strange land. He had been thinking for weeks now on what he would do to provide for her… and now Cara and her infant child. Sandor would do anything for Sansa, now he knew, but he wasn't sure where this new path would lead him and Sansa. Gods knew he was in love with her and somehow, she loved him back, but he wasn't easy with thoughts about the possibilities of them being together. Though he knew he had changed considerably from the Hound into Sandor Clegane, he knew he still didn't deserve someone like Sansa Stark, Highborn lady of Winterfell, in his life. He could provide for her and protect her the rest of the days of his life, but he didn't know if he could be the man she wanted or deserved. He had never loved anyone in his life, other than maybe Eleanor, so he didn't know how to love a woman as lovely as Sansa. All Sandor had known his entire life was fighting and death with no thought on his future with a woman. Even though her family was dead, and her House was overrun, he knew eventually Sansa would need to return to Westeros one day to reclaim her throne and then there would be no room for Sandor in her life apart from being her sworn shield. He had grown so close to this woman that it terrified him now to lose her one day. Gazing at her sleeping form now and seeing the peace in her face though he decided then that he would relish this brief period in time that had been awarded to him to love her knowing he would lose her eventually.
Sometime later Sansa and Cara both stirred from their napping as Sandor was occupying his time just staring at Sansa, deep in his own thoughts. She had smiled warmly at him when she caught his eye and he had given her a grin in return. Sandor left the house then to allow the women to change into clothes for tonight's dinner that he was increasingly dreading. Bertus and Peter came to fetch the group a short time later and Sandor could see the women were quite excited with the anticipation of dining with people again. Sandor remained at Sansa's side to support her if she needed it as they walked the path to Bertus' home, but he was uneasy with how closely Peter was walking on Sansa's other side trying to catch her eye. Sandor tried snarling at the man, but Peter was too engrossed with Sansa to notice him.
When they arrived at the house, Bertus' plump wife, who he came to learn was Trena, came out to greet them all at the front of the house. When they entered Sandor had been surprised at the feast the woman had cooked for the group in a short amount of time. There was chicken, pork, vegetables of vast varieties, breads, sweets, and much more food than the six of them could eat in one sitting. Sandor presumed the woman had outdone herself to welcome the newcomers.
"Trena! You have outdone yourself. Everything looks so delicious!" Cara addressed the woman.
Trena blushed at Cara's declaration. "Not at all! It's been sometime since I've been able to cook for more than just me and my husband, and at times Peter here."
Sandor stood in the corner of the room while the others conversed before sitting down to eat. He never liked gatherings like this, and he hated small talk but he knew Sansa had been raised for occasions such as this and enjoyed it. When the group was ready to sit and eat, Sandor sat at Sansa's side and fucking Peter sat at her other side. Cara and Trena sat across from them, and Bertus sat at the head of the table to Sandor's right. Trena deposited food on everyone's plate and Sandor immediately attacked the chicken. The group chatted socially for some time on idle topics and Sandor had been relieved that Bertus' wife wasn't as chatty as her husband who no one could barely get a word in.
"So, what brings you all here? Where were you traveling from?" Bertus asked the group.
Sandor knew this question would come up eventually in the night and he had prepared for the answer as best as he could. "We're originally from Westeros but we traveled to the Free Cities a few years back to get away from the war. We met Cara and her husband in Pentos, but we didn't like the big city so when Cara's husband died we all decided to try at a fresh start in the Hills of Norvos after hearing of the smaller villages and rich land. Jeyne wanted a more solitude life." Sandor had prepared Cara and Sansa for his explanation and would allow them to fill in any details he didn't particularly give a shit about.
"I'm so sorry to hear about your husband Cara. It's never easy losing the ones we love the most." Bertus said genuinely. Cara nodded solemnly to him. "I apologize for my mistake, but I had assumed you and Liam were husband and wife, and Jeyne was a relative traveling with you both."
Sandor looked to the man sharply and was too stunned at his announcement to respond. Cara had been drinking wine from her cup but at Bertus' statement spit some out in surprise. Sandor knew the man's statement also had a question as to who Jeyne was to Sandor.
Cara blushed faintly then stated, "No Liam isn't my husband. He was a good friend of my husband before his passing and he has been a great friend to me since his death. I'm grateful for his protection and loyalty these past few weeks. I'm not sure what I would have done without him." Sandor was surprised at the authenticity of her statement, but Cara just smiled kindly to Sandor after her speech.
"How fortunate you are then that your husband's old friend was willing to assist you after your husband's death. That speaks much of a man's character for true." Bertus looked to Sandor with respect then, but Sandor just continued eating his meal. "So, you and Jeyne have been traveling together since departing from Westeros then?"
"Aye." Sandor wasn't willing to elaborate anymore but Bertus was persistent.
"I see, so you have known each other for some time now then. What brought you two traveling together across the sea?"
Sandor knew the man was becoming increasingly curious about Sansa and him now, and he suspected after seeing Bertus glance at Peter that he was asking for a reason. The men wanted to know if Sansa was a free woman. Sandor was getting irritated now by the man's nagging questions and he was even more irritated that another man thought he had any fucking right to ask about her availability in his presence. He felt a sudden shot of possessiveness go through his thinking of another man desiring her. Cara took another sip from her drink while looking at Sandor as he answered. They had all agreed Sandor would claim Sansa as his sister, but his mouth and heart won over instead.
"Aye, we've known each other for many years. Jeyne is my wife." There it was. No taking it back now.
Bertus raised his eyebrows at Sandor then looked to Sansa then back to Sandor again in obvious surprise. Of course, he would be surprised a woman as beautiful as Sansa would marry a man as scarred and callous as him, but he just glared at Bertus, challenging him to state the fact aloud.
"Yes of course. I had assumed as much after learning Cara wasn't your wife… Trena, do you remember our first few years of marriage? How time flies. We were inseparable the two of us." Trena chuckled kindly at that then the two began speaking of past times to change the subject.
Sandor turned from the man then looked to Cara who continued drinking from her cup, but he could see she was smiling behind the rim. He then turned his gaze to Sansa who was looking down at her plate but had a slight smile of her own at his declaration. Without thinking, he reached his hand out to grab her hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. Sansa looked up at him warmly with admiration in her eyes and squeezed his hand back. He couldn't help then leaning down to place a kiss at her temple. As he pulled away, he looked towards Peter who was obviously disappointed as he picked around at his food, silently brooding. The rest of the evening was uneventful as the group continued asking them questions about their lives in Westeros and the Free Cities. The trio gave vague answers to any questions about their family and their past, but the majority of their answers were truth.
Trena addressed Cara then who was seated next to her. "What are your plans now? Do you wish to stay in the Hills permanently? I'm glad you have Liam and Jeyne, but will you remain with them now without a husband?"
"I'm not sure where my journey will end truly, but I hope to find a home here." Cara smiled sadly to herself as she placed a hand at her belly. "But we will survive of that, I am sure."
Understanding seemed to pass across Trena's face immediately which surprised Sandor, but he guessed it was motherly intuition. "You're with child?"
Cara looked to Sandor then Sansa but didn't seem to be bothered by the woman's observation. She turned to Trena then. "I am. This baby will be the only thing I'll have left of my husband apart from immaterial things he left behind."
Tears sprung to Cara's eyes after her statement and Trena placed a hand on her shoulder then her stomach as comfort. "Don't you worry. A child is such a blessing, and you will have a piece of your husband with you always once the baby is born… I'm guessing this is your first child. We have a midwife here who can assist your birth if you will be here when the time comes and many women in the surrounding lands are mothers or have had children of their own including myself. You're not alone."
Cara wiped at her tears and smiled warmly at the woman. "Thank you, Trena, you're very kind."
The women continued to talk quietly together as Bertus, Peter and Sandor rose to sit in the living area. Bertus smoked out of a pipe while Peter avoided any eye contact with Sandor as he continued to brood. Bertus poured some wine in a glass and offered it to Sandor, but he denied the man's offer. Bertus began his incessant chatting as Sandor and Peter listened on until the women were done talking. Sansa came over to the group first and placed a hand on Sandor's shoulder.
"I think Cara and I are ready to retire for the night. Thank you, Bertus, for inviting us to your home and we hope to dine with you again soon."
Bertus rose to show the group to the door. "Of course! You can come anytime, and we'll dine again within the fortnight!" He turned to Sandor then. "I'll come for you tomorrow sometime to show you where the markets are for food and provisions then if you're up to it, I can show you some of the area to scout for your new home."
Sandor nodded to the man then gave him coin for the night's stay and gave his hand a shake as the group left the home. Sandor remained behind the women as they talked amongst themselves until they reached their dwelling.
As they entered the house Sandor addressed Cara and Sansa. "You two can take the bed. I'll spread out one of the bedrolls on the floor. If we're lucky we'll find a place to stay within the week. Gods knows this shithole is too fucking cramped for any of us to live comfortably."
Sandor scoffed but Sansa and Cara just chuckled at his brashness. As he prepared the bedroll and removed his boots and tunic, he kept his back to the women to allow them to change into their nightdresses behind the curtain. Once he heard the women lay down and become quiet, he laid down on the bedroll to get some much-needed rest. He hoped he would find a place for them to live within the next few days and he could find an occupation in this small village that would provide for all of them. He had hoped Cara wouldn't reveal she was with child to anyone because now he would be obligated to shelter her and her child until she found a husband. Finding a husband would be that much harder now with the knowledge she was with child, but Sansa and Cara must know what they're doing.
In the darkness, Sandor heard movement to his left, and he almost grabbed his sword at his side until he realized it was Sansa based on her slight limp. He sat up on his elbow as she crouched down beside him. He could barely make out the outline of her in front of him from the moonlight.
"What is it, Sansa?"
It took her a moment to answer. "You told them I'm your wife."
Fuck. He guessed she was wanting to talk about this now. "Aye."
"Why?" She asked quietly.
He wasn't sure how he should respond but he didn't feel any guilt or regret for making the statement. He answered her honestly. "It just felt like the natural thing to say in that moment."
He couldn't see her face in the darkness, but she reached her hand out to place on his forearm at his side. "It felt natural to me too."
The two remained quiet for several moments after that and he wished he could see her face, her eyes. Sansa squeezed his forearm then moved to rise to return to the bed but before Sandor could stop himself, he reached out and grabbed for what he could barely make out to be her head. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and gently pulled her to him to place his lips on hers. Sansa responded immediately and desperately. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her small frame in return. He pulled her across him as he laid back some on the bedroll squeezing her frame as he devoured her mouth with his own. His breaths were coming in and out erratically as he moved his mouth and tongue against her while roaming his hands possessively across her back. It had been a long time since he and Sansa had shared such a passion-filled kiss together and he hadn't realized how desperate he had been for it until this moment. He moved a hand to the back of her head to swirl her hair through his fingers as she did the same to him. He had never wanted Sansa before like he did now, and he could feel his cock growing in his britches. He moved her body so she couldn't feel his growing erection as he continued tasting her sweetness.
He had to pull away from her now, afraid Cara might overhear them, or he lost his head with her. He placed his forehead against hers while taking in her feminine scent that was intoxicating to him. "I couldn't allow that other man thinking you were a free woman. I couldn't watch another man desire you in front of me."
Sansa pulled back from him slightly then. "What other man?"
Of course, his sweet Sansa was completely oblivious. "Peter. He was staring at you all night and blushing like a fucking green boy. I couldn't stand watching his interest in you and I couldn't allow him to think he had any fucking chance with you… so I claimed you were mine." You are mine, he wanted to say but he knew he had no right to make such a claim.
Sansa sighed and placed a kiss to his lips again. "Oh Sandor, I am yours. Don't you realize that by now?"
He stiffened at her declaration. I am yours. No, she couldn't be his. They may care for each other more than either of them could've ever expected but she didn't belong to him, not in that way. "No, Sansa you're not mine. Not truly... You'll go back to your home one day and all of this will just be a memory for you."
Sansa immediately jerked away from him. "How can you say that after everything that has happened between us? Is that what you truly believe?"
"It's not what I believe, Sansa, it's what I know. You'll return to Westeros one day and I won't have any place at your side."
To his dread, Sansa moved completely out of his arms then and he felt he had lost a piece of his being with her absence. She hissed at him quietly as to not wake Cara, "You don't know anything, Sandor. You think these things to be fact, yet you know nothing. I haven't wanted to go back to Westeros since the news of my family and home being taken from me. I don't want to go back so there's no reason why you should believe such things about us."
He suddenly became angry with her. He sat up fully to tower over her. "Sansa, stop being silly. You will go back, and we both know it to be true. You have an obligation to your House and your family to go back and try reclaiming your title. You are a highborn lady, bred to lead and rule. Hells, you were almost Queen if you had married Joffrey. You were born for this so stop with your silly talk of not returning. You're just enjoying your freedom now and it's clouding your judgement."
Sansa scoffed at him unladylike in the darkness. "Don't speak to me like I'm some silly girl with her head in the clouds. You know I'm not that girl anymore. My judgement isn't clouded, I just see things more clearly now than before and I know what I truly want. That does not include returning to the North to reclaim my throne. I never want to go back, and I won't."
Sandor was still angry at her for denying her responsibilities, but he decided now wasn't the time to argue on the subject. He was also uneasy with the thought that she didn't want to due her duty to the North because of him. Had he bewitched her mind so much that she would resist what was expected of her all her life? Had he that much influence over her now? He knew she had changed obviously in the past several months because of him but he couldn't believe he had changed her enough to deny her birthright. He couldn't stand the thought of how much he had altered her mind.
"Let's not talk of this anymore for the night, Sansa."
"But I-"
"Sansa, I'm tired and this conversation isn't the one to have right now. We can talk of our plans later for right now, I just want to relax. It's been a taxing day."
Sansa remained quiet as he laid himself down on the bedroll indicating to her there would be no more talk tonight. He felt guilty being so rash with her when she rose to return to the bed. He would never truly hurt her and would protect her always, but he couldn't accept her declaration for truth. It was too much for him to absorb. He laid there for some time thinking on what she had said and how she had basically claimed she wanted to be with him rather than returning to Westeros one day. That possibility came along with more than Sandor could fathom in his mind. If they remained here, isolated from all that they had ever known, then how would their relationship develop? Would she want to be with him truly one day? Get married? Have children? The thought was completely foreign and ridiculous to Sandor in that moment. He had never thought of having a family of his own before and having that with Sansa was too overwhelming to think about now. He hadn't ever been honorable in his life, but he wouldn't allow his own lust and desires to take advantage of her. She didn't deserve it and she most certainly didn't deserve him.