"So," Kelly said as Elsa fastened her seatbelt to drive them into town. "Are you gonna tell me what's up?"

Elsa hesitated, letting her hand fall from the keys, which she'd been about to turn in the ignition. She'd love nothing better than to talk to Kel: she knew her oldest friend would make her feel better, but she didn't want to make things harder for her. A lot of what was on her mind was to do with the war, and the last thing she wanted to do was bring all those memories back for Kelly, too. There were a few moments' silence, during which a debate flicked backwards and forwards inside her mind. She knew she couldn't bottle everything up indefinitely, but Kelly had enough of her own things to deal with.

"What is it, Elsa?" Kelly said gently. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

Elsa nodded. "It's just… well, a lot of it has to do with… back then." Elsa felt a shiver go through her as she said the words, memories of her infestation floating just beneath the surface of her mind, threatening to break through. "I don't want to set you off remembering it all."

There was a short silence.

"Elsa, if it was me saying that and you listening, what would you say, huh?" Kelly asked, in an ironic tone that suggested she already knew the answer.

Turning to her, Elsa could see her friend's characteristic determined expression. Kelly was even more stubborn than Elsa herself when she wanted to be, and Elsa caved in quickly.

"I'd say we should support each other, and that I'd be fine," Elsa replied, a slight smile tugging at the corner of her mouth despite the turmoil of her thoughts and feelings. "Alright. It's nothing much, anyway. It was just a difficult meeting, that's all.'

'I bet it was,' Kelly said forcefully. 'Were the Yeerks horrible?'

Elsa sighed. "Akhir was fine. Very careful, though that doesn't make it better. It feels too... professional, like she's looking for the best way to, y'know, 'handle' me. And Kal was lovely as always, bless her. Alniss was a bit arrogant, but I expected that."

"I still can't believe you willingly sat in the same room as Akhir," Kelly muttered angrily.

Elsa felt a twist of guilt in her gut. "I'm sorry. I know it must feel-"

"I'm fine," Kelly said quickly. "I just worry you're not."

"I'm okay," Elsa said slowly, though she wasn't sure that was true. She didn't like having to think of Akhir as anything more than evil, although she'd always known, really, that that wasn't true. But speaking to Jasmine and spending time alongside the Yeerk had begun to soften that impression, and Elsa wasn't sure it was an emotion she wanted to soften. "I just- working with her, even the little bit I'm doing it, and talking to Jasmine, it just… well, I don't know what I think about her any more."

"She shoved us in a cage, Elsa," Kelly pointed out darkly.

Elsa let her eyes drop to the rubber mat beneath her feet. "Yeah. I know." The thought floated into her head that Akhir had also paid most of Jasmine's evening course fees, that she'd nursed Maya when she was sick so Jasmine could get to her exam, all without any form of payment: Akhir had her own body and senses now, after all. But Elsa wasn't foolish enough to let any of that pass her lips. She wasn't even sure she wanted to know it, and she was certain Kelly didn't. "I'm sorry," she repeated instead.

"It's not your fault," Kelly said gently. "Look, let's leave Akhir, huh? What about Alniss? What did she say to you?"

Elsa shrugged. "Just the usual. Told me off for resisting Silrin, that kind of thing. Called me ungrateful."

There was a sharp intake of breath from beside her. "Disgusting little slug!" Kelly hissed. "How dare she?"

"It wasn't too bad, I was pretty much expecting that. It's just…" Elsa trailed off, uncertain whether to express her feelings.

"Go on," Kelly said gently.

Elsa smiled briefly: she could sense the gargantuan effort from her friend to hold back a flood of angry ranting she wanted to unleash about Alniss. At least they could be on the same page about that Yeerk, mostly, although Elsa did feel a little sorry for her. "I just… I didn't know how to feel, when Kalran told me Silrin had died. I wish…" she trailed off again, hesitant.

"Go on, it's okay."

"I…" words swirled inside Elsa's mind, none of them adequate to express what she was feeling. "I don't really know, it's just… Silrin, she… I think sometimes she tried to be decent…"

"Tried to be isn't good enough, Elsa," Kelly said firmly. "What she did to you was wrong, and you were right to resist in any way you could."

"I know," Elsa said with a sigh. "It's just… I wish we'd had chance to talk, without the Empire. I… I don't know why, it just feels… unfinished, leaving it like this."

"Closure? Is that what you mean?"

Elsa nodded. "I guess so. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it."

"Why with Silrin in particular?" Kelly seemed puzzled. "You had tons of Yeerks."

"Sure. But only two of them who I think would ever apologise, or have a serious conversation about the war with me without trying to prove they were still in charge, or worse pretend they'd suddenly gone all peace movement to try and squirm their way up in the new world order. No, most of them I never want to speak to again. Except Innis, he tried to be decent, too, but I'd been a host for a long time before I had him. I guess that made it feel less personal, or something." Elsa sighed again, shrugging her shoulders. "I've no idea, really. And I know it's probably unhealthy, anyway, to want to go near any of them again."

"It does sound it," Kelly said cautiously.

Elsa could tell she was trying to hold back her protectiveness; she could hear how carefully Kelly was keeping as much judgement as she could out of her tone. She felt a flush of gratitude at that thought. "Thanks, Kel. For listening. It does help."

"Any time," Kelly said slowly. "Is there anything else? Y'know, that made it difficult. Not that all that doesn't make it difficult enough."

There was a long silence. Elsa didn't know where to start, or even whether to: her emotions were so complex and tangled it was hard to sort them out, and she didn't know how Kelly would react. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and it was only then that she realised tears were brimming in her eyes. "Oh, Kel," she murmured, turning to let her friend pull her into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Kelly asked, genuinely puzzled. "Why are you apologising to me?"

"I don't know," Elsa admitted into Kelly's shoulder. "For being upset, maybe?" She pulled back slightly, wiping her eyes, and gave a weak smile. "Jasmine must be rubbing off on me."

"Jasmine? Why? Did she get upset in the meeting? Is that what's bothering you?"

"I meant apologising for nothing," Elsa said quietly. "She does that constantly."

Kelly frowned. "I'd say she owes you an apology. She let-"

"Don't," Elsa said forcefully. "She has apologised to me for that. Twice. Anyway, I meant the sorry thing, but you're right. I am worried about them, both of them, and I wish-" Elsa broke off, tears in her eyes again. "I- I was in recruitment a lot. Tamhet in particular was quite a persuasive little liar when she wanted to be." She took a deep breath. "So many people I- I could have done something to help before I was infested, and I didn't, and then it was too late and all I could do was watch the Yeerks take advantage of them. Homeless people, lonely people, people on drugs, all sorts of things, mostly things created by humans, things we could stop happening if we only-" Elsa felt sick, struggling to push the memories down in her mind.

"Oh, Elsa," Kelly whispered, reaching to pull her into another tight hug. "Not everything is your responsibility, you know. You were what, thirteen, when you were infested? How on Earth were you supposed to have solved all the world's problems aged twelve? Or, well, any age. You can only do what you can."

The last thing Elsa had intended to do was end up sobbing on Kelly's shoulder, but she couldn't help herself, the memories threatening to overwhelm her.

"I've decided," Helen said, smiling hesitantly at them.

She'd been doing so much better under the Sharing's counselling programme that Elsa was beginning to see someone underneath the overwhelming depression Helen had come in with. She was pretty sure she knew what Helen was going to ask, and threw herself desperately against her Yeerk's control, trying to pull a face, twitch an eyebrow, anything, to warn her. But the Yeerk held her control tight, iron-clad against Elsa's assault.

(Stop that this instant, human. You've earned yourself half an hour's memory discipline later for that trick. Try again and it will be more.)

(No way,) Elsa snapped back. (Leave her alone. Why can't you just leave her alone? Haven't you heard all the things she's told us? She's been betrayed enough. Tamhet, please.)

The Yeerk ignored her. "Decided what?" she said, in Elsa's kindest voice.

Helen gave them a larger smile. "I want to become a full member. Please. If you'll have me."

Against her will, Elsa's face split into a larger grin. She thrashed again against her Yeerk, but she knew it would be no good. She could only ever resist if she managed to catch her Yeerk by surprise, and Tamhet was on full alert by now.

(One hour, human.)

(I don't care, slug.)

(The time will only keep increasing,) Tamhet said dispassionately. Aloud, she said: "That's wonderful! And of course we'll have you, Helen, you'd be a real asset to us. You have so much strength. Can I ask what's made up your mind?"

"You've done so much for me," Helen said, smiling again. "I just want to pay you back."

Elsa fought yet again. She'd seen this conversation too many times.

(An hour and a half, human. One day you will learn how futile this is. Besides, for all you know she'll be happier with a Yeerk than without one. It's not like your species has helped her much so far, is it?)

That managed to stop Elsa, in a way no amount of torture threats could have done. She knew that's why Tamhet had said it, but there was no denying it was true.

"Elsa!"

Elsa came out of the memory to find herself looking right into Kelly's eyes: the latter had pulled away from the embrace and was holding Elsa by both shoulders, shaking her gently. "Elsa, you'd gone blank. Bad memory?"

Elsa made a pathetic whining sound that she hated, rubbing at her eyes. "Oh, Kelly, I was remembering- Tamhet, she, she said, and she was right, we-"

"Whoa," Kelly said, looking alarmed. "Absolutely not. You're not telling me you're going to start believing the crap that Tamhet told you? You know better than anyone how manipulative she was. You can't start listening to that."

Elsa nodded, scrubbing at her eyes. "I know. But I don't think she was wrong. The voluntaries that the Yeerks got to… humans clearly hadn't been helping them much, had they?"

"I don't know," Kelly said carefully. "I met some who'd had lots of help, it just hadn't worked. Elsa, just because humanity isn't perfect doesn't mean it's okay for them to go along with throwing us all into cages, and it certainly isn't your fault if things hadn't worked out for them."

"Why not?" Elsa challenged. A part of her wondered if she should stop: she was skating on thin ice with Kelly on this subject, she knew that, but having her friend listen to her was really helping, and she felt she owed it to Jasmine to at least try and convince someone. "People let horrible things happen to other people all the time. You just have to stand on any city street and watch almost everyone walk past homeless people to realise that. We buy clothes that we know were probably made by someone paid a pittance somewhere, maybe even by a child. Yeah, it's hard to find shops where you know that hasn't happened, but still. It's a lot harder to choose to get chucked into a cage when you like infestation. When it's the best period of your life, even."

Kelly raised a doubtful eyebrow. "I really doubt anyone felt it was the best time of their life, Elsa."

"At least one person did," Elsa said with a sigh. "I heard it from their own lips." She felt tears spilling over her eyelids again. "It makes me wonder what's happened to her. Poor thing."

Kelly was silent for a moment. "Jasmine?" she guessed as she pulled Elsa closer to her again, rubbing her shoulder soothingly.

"Shit," Elsa muttered, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't have told you that. You won't ever tell her I said it, will you?"

"Course not," Kelly said gently.

"Thanks, Kel," Elsa said softly, reaching to hug her friend back. "You're really helping. I know this isn't easy for you."

"It's fine," Kelly said gently. "Elsa, just promise me you'll try and stop taking everything on yourself like this. Whatever's happened to Jasmine and Carla and the rest, it isn't your fault. And I'll bet you fought the Yeerks every step of the way when they tried to recruit people like them."

Elsa nodded. "Most of the time, yeah."

"No-one can fight all the time," Kelly said immediately. "Not even you."

"The thing is," Elsa said thoughtfully, pulling back. "I'm not sure whether I should be fighting them now. I mean… promise you won't use any of what I'm about to tell you against anyone?" She looked across to meet Kelly's eyes, which were full of empathy, though a hint of confusion still lingered.

"I promise."

Elsa nodded, smiling at her. "Thanks, Kel. Well, I just wonder whether… Jasmine lives with Akhir, you know, they're together a lot, and I can't work out whether that's healthy or not for her. And as for Carla, well, I'm pretty sure whatever the hell is going on between her and Alniss really isn't healthy, but Carla doesn't trust me, I doubt she'd listen if I said that, and I'd probably just alienate her..."

"You can't force people to make sensible choices," Kelly pointed out. "Even if they're being really stupid."

Elsa nodded slowly. "I guess not. Though, I don't know, I keep wondering whether I should at least mention it to them."

"It sounds like Carla, at least, won't listen."

"Yeah. And I don't know whether I even should try and convince Jasmine… I don't really know whether Akhir's good or bad for her. Not when I'm honest with myself about it, anyway. It's still pretty easy for me to think Akhir's a devil who poisons everything she touches, but I know that's not really true."

"I'm not so convinced, but okay. I'm listening. How is Akhir in any way good for her?"

Elsa glanced away, looking out at the grey tarmac of the street. She couldn't meet Kelly's eyes for this. "She's about ten times more confident when Akhir's with her, for a start. I know Akhir helps her out a lot, practically speaking. Jaz said she couldn't have done the evening courses she's taking without her. And Jaz loves her, that's obvious."

"Ew," Kelly muttered.

"Not like that." Elsa finally summoned the courage to turn and face her friend. "Like friends, or sisters or whatever. Slightly creepy and weird friends or sisters, but still." Elsa sighed, her face falling. "The other thing is, Jaz seems convinced that Akhir loves her, too. I just hope she's right about that."

Kelly looked doubtful, and slightly sickened. Elsa winced: her use of the word love was probably a little strong. Hell, this whole conversation was probably too much for Kelly. She should never have gone that far.

"I'm sorry, Kel. I've gone into it too much. You shouldn't have to listen to all this."

Kelly shook her head, her disgusted expression replaced in an instant with determination. "No, it's fine. It's much better than you wrestling with all this by yourself, while assuming you can solve everything. Jasmine's a grown woman with a little girl of her own, Elsa. She can make her own choices."

Elsa nodded. Kelly was absolutely right, as she often was. "Thanks so much, Kel. I feel so much better. I know it wasn't easy to listen to."

Kelly gave her a soft smile, reaching to touch her arm. "Anytime, Elsa. We're a team, you know that. And whatever's going on with Akhir, Jasmine's lucky to have you as a friend. You'd do anything in your power to stop her getting hurt, I know you would. She'd better appreciate that," Kelly added, a hint of threat in her voice.

Elsa shook her head, smiling. "You don't need to defend me. I'm a grown woman, too. Theoretically."

"Uh-huh," Kelly said teasingly. "That CD we had on on the way here was only, what, ninety-five percent Disney songs?"

"That's probably an underestimate," Elsa grinned. "If I'm not a proper adult yet, does that mean I get out of going shoe shopping?"

Kelly shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Absolutely not. And dress shopping. You need to wear something other than jeans for your birthday night out, or I might refuse to come."

Elsa laughed, feeling on much firmer ground here. Kelly forcing her to buy presentable clothes was an old debate, so familiar that Elsa could probably predict the next few exchanges word-for-word before they happened. She reached to turn the key in the ignition.

"Some friend you are," she joked as she pulled the car out onto the road.