Elsa's mind was whirling, her heart pounding and her palms sweaty as she hurried into a bathroom stall, the door slamming shut behind her as she hurriedly slid the lock home, sat down on the toilet and buried her head in her hands. She wanted to scream but didn't dare let the sound out. Jesus, Tamhet.

What the hell was she supposed to do now? Tamhet, Ilkiss' mate? Did he know what she was like? Could he possibly accept a Yeerk who'd tortured their hosts? And did he know that Elsa was one of those hosts?

Tamhet had been one of the nastiest Yeerks Elsa had had, second only to someone who had treated her so badly they'd been exiled to the Pool in less than two weeks. Actually, Tamhet had been worse in some ways. She'd hurt Elsa pretty badly, but always just within the rules, so she'd lasted months. Could Ilkiss really accept that? Elsa'd never expected to, but she counted Kalran and Ilkiss as friends, now, and the idea that he could…

"Okay, slow down," Elsa said out loud to herself through her panicked gasps, trying and mostly failing to use one of the breathing exercises her therapist had taught her. It worked a little, though, and Elsa felt her brain kick in again slightly.

Tamhet was a manipulative little slimeball, she knew that much for certain. Elsa'd witnessed her time and time again flattering her way into different Yeerks' favours to better her promotion prospects. Not, admittedly, as mates, at least not as far as Elsa was aware, but as a friend or a devoted underling. Sometimes she'd play one Yeerk off against another, sickly-sweet to their face and sneerily disparaging behind their back. Elsa could easily imagine that she'd told Ilkiss a pack of lies about her hosts and her attitude to the Empire. She could imagine that much more easily than she could see Ilkiss being so intimate with a Yeerk who'd directly hurt a human in that way. No, surely Tamhet had to have lied, made herself out as much more sympathetic to hosts than she was. Maybe even pretended she was peace movement herself.

Elsa's stomach turned at that thought. Oh, God. That meant she'd have to tell Ilkiss and Kalran the truth… she couldn't leave them to be deceived like this. The satisfaction she'd feel at crushing what were presumably Tamhet's attempts to make herself look better paled in comparison to the thought of Ilkiss' suffering. Everything that had happened with Oglud must have been unimaginably painful. To just start to be happy again, to meet someone new, only to realise that so much of it was a lie… Jesus, this was going to be awful. Poor, poor Ilkiss… and even Kalran might be hurt, she probably would be, for Ilkiss' sake if nothing else.

Maybe she was best to tell Kalran first, actually. Kalran would probably know the gentlest way to break it to Ilkiss, the best form of words. Elsa had no idea how Yeerk relationships really worked, and she could easily tell him in a way that made things worse. OK, so she'd ask Kalran to stay on after the meal and find a place to speak alone. Hopefully Ilkiss and Tamhet would have gone now anyway, so it was just a matter of waiting until Fendarin went and-

"Elsa."

Elsa froze, her stomach swooping with a sickening sensation yet again. She didn't know the voice for certain, but the commanding tone was far too familiar, threatening to send Elsa back to a time when she was cowering in the corner of her own mind.

"Come out of there."

Elsa had moved and slid the bolt back before she remembered she didn't actually have to do what Tamhet told her anymore. It was too late, though, when the door swung open to reveal Tamhet's falsely sweet smile. She was standing at the front of the stall, her arm blocking Elsa's way out.

"We need to have a conversation, I think."

Elsa wanted desperately to say something, anything, but it was impossible to form a sentence against the waves of fear crashing through her mind.

"I'm glad to see you well," Tamhet continued, her sickeningly sugary smile widening. "I have been concerned about you."

Elsa knew that smile. Knew it intimately, how it had felt in her muscles as her face had been forced to wear it. It had most often come out to welcome new members to the Sharing, to try and tempt poor Helen, poor Maria, dozens of others, into full membership. It had also made an appearance towards the odd higher-up Tamhet had tried to ingratiate herself with, and Elsa didn't trust it as far as she could kick it. Tamhet had never thought anything good about the people she'd smiled at like that. Elsa's fury about the humans she'd duped with it, using Elsa's own face, finally managed to overpower the fear.

"Don't make me laugh," Elsa managed to force out, though her voice came out quaveringly, much to her embarrassment. "Like you care."

"Oh, but I do," Tamhet said, widening her eyes with such false concern that Elsa couldn't understand how the Yeerk had managed to manipulate so many people. "As I said, we need to talk, Elsa. I saw the error of my ways, towards the end of the war, long after I left you. I almost joined the peace movement, but I was too frightened. I regret that bitterly."

"This the lie you told Ilkiss, is it?" Elsa snarled, her anger multiplying at the thought of how shamelessly Tamhet had taken advantage of a good Yeerk who'd been through so much pain. "Why? Because you love him, or whatever it is you're supposed to feel for your mate? Or because being with a peace movement Yeerk helps you look better? Because I don't think you can love anyone."

"People can change, Elsa," Tamhet said, her eyes brimming with false tears. "I changed."

"Your acting's got worse, you know," Elsa shot back. "Let's indulge your little fantasy for the moment, though. Have you told Ilkiss everything about your past hosts? How you treated me? And I'm sure other people?"

"Of course," Tamhet replied, looking down, the tears beginning to track their way down her cheeks now.

Elsa snorted. "You've got stupider as well. You pretended you didn't know me. Why do that?"

"I haven't told Kalran, not yet."

"Uh-huh. And Ilkiss looked exactly like a peace movement Yeerk watching his mate get introduced to the woman she fucking tortured, who also happens to be his friend? No, he had no idea we knew each other. I bet you haven't told him half what you've done." Elsa took a step forward. "Get out of my way. He needs to know."

Tamhet's distress disappeared instantly, replaced by an expression that boded trouble as she raised her eyes to meet Elsa. "No, human," she commanded harshly.

"Stopped pretending then, Yeerk?"

"It was worth a try," Tamhet said, unconcernedly. "It would have been easier, to convince you too. But no matter. You won't tell him."

"I will. You can't stand in the doorway all day, one of them will come looking for us eventually. If I don't shove you out the way first. You can't make me do anything anymore."

"Physically, no," Tamhet admitted. She gave Elsa a disparaging glance up and down. "I see you're taking advantage of that to abuse your body. You've clearly been eating like a Taxxon. Disgustingly negligent."

"Yeah, well, it's my body," Elsa shot back, stepping forward again so she was practically nose-to-nose with the Yeerk. "Get the hell out of my way, Tamhet."

"As I was saying," Tamhet continued, infuriatingly and terrifyingly unconcerned, "physically I can't force you. But you forget I still know your memories."

"What, you think you can control me with that?" Elsa sneered, though inside her heart was pounding with anxiety. "What are you going to go for, huh? The time I wet the bed? That time I broke something in third grade and blamed it on someone else? First time I touched myself? I'm not scared of any of that. I'm not fifteen years old anymore. Get out of my way."

"I wasn't thinking of your memories of yourself," Tamhet sneered. "You think Annie wants all her friends to be told what a pathetic, snivelling little girl she was? How she was so scared of thunderstoms she always ended up in your bed? She must be a teenager now, she'd hardly be popular after they all knew that."

"She isn't the most popular now." Elsa shot back, though she felt sickened. "But she's got a good group of friends. They'd know exactly what to make of you, and they wouldn't listen to a word you say."

"You've become a lot more callous towards your family," Tamhet observed. "I wonder whether you've told your parents what a pathetic little wreck you were, snivelling in the back of your mind."

Elsa hesitated. She hadn't, she'd minimised what she'd gone through in the war as much as she could, and the thought of her mother or father being confronted by Tamhet made tears well up in her eyes. She forced them back as much as she could as she said: "You want to go tell my Mom and Dad that you tortured their daughter, you might want to do it in a bullet-proof vest. They'd kill you, Yeerk, you know that."

"You're right," Tamhet said mockingly, an icy smile still playing on her face. "Maybe it would be safer and more effective to focus on people a little more distant from you. After all, you and your family are just boring, aren't they? Hard to shock anyone with any of your memories. The most interesting thing that's ever happened to you is hosting me, isn't it?"

"Nah," Elsa snapped. "Not that it's hosting any Yeerk, but if it was it would be Innis. At least he had a sense of humour, and wasn't a narcissistic arrogant little-"

"Don't be insubordinate, human." Tamhet's face tightened with fury suddenly, the smile disappearing. "I'll tell you who has rather more interesting memories they might prefer me not to share with their friends, employers, partners… well, anyone I can find, really. Maria. Helen. That pathetic little junkie, what was her name… ah, yes, Candace. Thomas. All the others I recruited so expertly."

Elsa went white. The list were all voluntaries… well, she wasn't sure whether half of them had stayed voluntary, but they'd all gone willingly after Tamhet had told them a pack of lies. The Yeerk had laughed at them in her own head to Elsa the entire time, calling them weak and pathetic while she smiled and looked caring to their faces. They'd all had awful things happen to them, things it had taken them courage and time to build up enough trust to share, and she was sure they'd be hurt if their secrets were spread around. The fact they'd gone willingly to the Yeerks alone was dangerous enough, never mind the rest of it.

"You… you wouldn't," Elsa gasped. "You couldn't. They… they were voluntaries, Yeerks care about voluntaries, I've seen how much they do. You… you're bluffing."

"Weak Yeerks care about hosts, voluntary or futilely resistant, it makes no difference," Tamhet sneered. "Weak Yeerks like Kalran and Ilkiss."

Elsa's eyes widened. She'd known it was true, really, but to hear Tamhet confirm it like this… "Seriously? You're really just using him, that's all there is to it? Because, what, he makes you a tiny bit more likely to be accepted, gives you an ounce more power? You're just pretending to be in love with someone, just for that?"

"It's quite a bit more acceptance and power. And protection, actually. You wouldn't believe what I have to endure. Anyway, if you so much as hint to Ilkiss or Kalran, or anyone who might tell them, who might know them in any way at all, I will find those voluntaries and I will make sure the world knows every last detail I remember about their worthless little lives. Do you understand?"

Elsa let her gaze drop, unable to make eye contact. The pain twisted in her gut, and she almost physically threw up with the horror of it. There was no choice she could make where she didn't hurt someone: she could leave Ilkiss, maybe even Kalran, to be used after they'd been through so much pain, or she could be directly responsible for the exposure of the secrets of many more people, secrets that could get them killed.

What made her even sicker was that Tamhet had still somehow found a way to control her, even now, for Elsa couldn't knowingly choose to sacrifice the people she'd cared so deeply for, who'd trusted her, or at least someone they thought was her, with the painful, intimate difficulties of their lives. Elsa felt tears begin to flow down her cheeks, which were burning with shame and rage that Tamhet was once again seeing her cry, seeing her cower.

The Yeerk sounded very pleased with herself when she said: "I see that's finally secured your obedience. Good. Make yourself look presentable, come out, make your excuses and go home. I'll make up a reason for why you're delayed. Aren't I helpful, Elsa? Don't we make quite the team?"

Elsa jerked her head up to fix the Yeerk with a burning stare. "We're not a team, you callous little slug. How can you do this to him? It's been awful for Ilkiss and Kalran, it really has. They've been torn apart by it all. Tamhet, please, don't lie to them like this, don't hurt them again."

Tamhet smiled unpleasantly. "That's really up to me, isn't it? After all, I think we've established who's in charge here." She turned on her heel, her hand finally coming away from the doorframe and letting Elsa rush out of the stall. "Make sure you look composed before you come out. If they suspect a thing, Elsa, I will make Helen and the others suffer, I promise you that."