A/N: For countdown day 10. This one is for Ascension (I posted them out of order originally).
Rest. That's what everyone keeps telling him. You can rest now, Detective. You've been through a lot, Deeks, don't strain yourself.
He'd love nothing more rest. Sleeping would actually be fantastic. To have a few moments of oblivion from his very unpleasant reality. Every time he closes his eyes, he's faced with Sidorov, a drill that never stops whirring, and unimaginable that medication can't even touch. He'd rather face every bit of pain though, than to wake up screaming again.
Circling the thumb and index finger around the opposite wrist, Deeks stares at the wall. It's too quiet, too little time with his own thoughts. What he really needs is something to keep his mind busy. Or oblivion.
He feels weak, broken. Useless.
He grabs the temp phone Nell dropped off to replace his own cell which he assumes is in evidence. If it even survived his fancy dive into Sidorov's pool. Ignoring the shiver that runs the length of his spine, Deeks opens his messages, his thumb over Kensi's name.
It's killing him not knowing what's going on, knowing that Sidorov and his men are still out there with what they're capable of. What they could to Michelle, Callen…Kensi. Swallowing harshly, he tosses the phone on the table next to the bed, forcing back tears.
A nurse comes and goes, leaving behind his medication, a snack, and more platitudes, which he accepts with a distracted nod. He knows she's probably regarding him with sympathy he just can't handle right now.
It's as he's picking at a liquidy cup of Jello that his door opens again and he jerks, pressing back into his pillows, reaching for a gun that isn't there.
"Kensi," he breathes, ashamed of his reaction. "Hey."
"Deeks," she echoes, eye flickering over him, and it occurs him that she hasn't seen him since he and Sam were brought into the emergency. He has just enough time to register that she seems relatively uninjured before she's moving further into the room, a duffle bag clutched in her right hand.
"What's going on?" he asks, words coming out slightly distorted.
"Sidorov knows about Michelle and he has her," she replies, her eyes heavy with worry and something else. "We need your help. I brought some clothes for you, your gun, and badge," she continues, setting the bag on the chair and quickly unpacking things.
"Do you know where she is?" Deeks asks, distracted for the first time in hours. He's seen, felt, what Sidorov is capable of, and the idea of Michelle being subject to his sadistic mind makes him ill.
"No. Eric and Nell are working on it. We lost contact with her, and when we tried to breach the hotel room, she and Sidorov were gone."
"Damn it. Does Sam know?"
Kensi turns, huffing out sound that might have been humorous if it weren't for the situation. As she turns back, Deeks starts yanking out his IV and disconnects the pulse monitor on his finger.
"Are you kidding? He broke out hours ago, and was there when we found out. Hetty's not happy about it."
He wonders what Hetty thinks about his imminent escape. He supposes it doesn't matter at this point. It's not likely he's coming back to NCIS, or anywhere else.
As he slides out of bed, something in his side twinges, and he clenches his teeth against the pain before he remembers that it's a terrible idea. Kensi's by his side in an instant as he gasps and clutches at the bed rail, instantly flashing back to the garage.
"Deeks!" Kensi's voice is urgent in his ear, hands tight on his forearms. It's enough to bring him back to the present and see her standing in front of him, though he's still trembling. "Hey, are you ok?
She sounds shaken herself, though right now he can't look in her in the eye.
"Yeah," he lies. "I just bit down wrong."
"You know, you don't need to do this," Kensi says softly. "If it's too much…after what you went through Deeks, no one would blame you for stepping back."
He glances at her, seeing a wealth of concern, and something he can't face right now that has him just as quickly looking to the ground.
"No," he says, realizing she's still clinging to his arms. "No, I can't just sit back. Not after what I've seen him do, after what me and Sam went through to keep Michelle safe. I need to do this."
"Ok," Kensi whispers. She's still clinging to his arms, her touch warm, and comforting. Seeming to notice at the same time he does, she abruptly lets go, cupping her hands around her elbows instead. "I'll wait outside while you change. Let me know if you need anything."
Deeks nods, staying silent while as she leaves the room. Maybe is through with being a cop, but he can still save someone. At least this one last time.