Kalran's stomach swirled with a mixture of emotions as she hurried up the short pathway that wound between the bushes surrounding the apartment block where Akhir and Jasmine lived. Earth's sun had only just risen above the roofs of the surrounding buildings: it was far too early to call, given the late night they'd all had, but she felt she had no other choice. There'd been no chance to speak to Akhir alone last night, and she and Ilkiss were due to meet Elsa at lunchtime. She'd seen Elsa's reply to her text that morning, not failing to notice it'd been sent at 3am. What Elsa must be feeling… Kalran was sickened just to think of it.

She tried to remind herself that she ought to be joyful as she reached for the bell, but the pain she felt for Elsa, the anger at Tamhet, the disgust at herself, for not seeing what was happening, were all eclipsing her better emotions. Yet another thing that dapsen was ruining, she reflected to herself as she pressed the button.

It was a few moments before there was any answer. "Hello?"

Jasmine's voice. Hardly distinguishable in pitch from her Yeerk's, but their accents and mannerisms were so different it was easy to separate the two.

"Hi, Jasmine. It's Kalran. I'm so sorry to call so early, I – can I come up?"

"Oh." Jasmine's voice fell a little. "I – I suppose you should."

Kalran frowned as she pushed open the outer door, anxiety flashing up within her. Could Jasmine be reluctant about her becoming Akhir's mate? Jasmine had always seemed to like her, but she was so close to her Yeerk she could easily resent the intrusion. Kalran took the stairs to the apartment more hesitantly than she would have otherwise done, hoping she'd misinterpreted Jasmine's tone.

Jasmine was waiting for her outside the door, still in her pajamas, a blanket thrown hastily over her shoulders. Her expression reassured Kalran somewhat as she stepped towards her: there was no anger in it, only a deep sadness.

Kalran frowned. "Jaz, are you alright?"

Jasmine quickly closed the gap between them, reaching for Kalran's hands. "I'm fine, I just… she's upset, she hasn't slept, everything last night was so awful… I know I don't really need to tell you this, but let her down gently, won't you? Please. She's had enough to cope with already."

Kalran blinked in surprise. "What? No, Jaz, that's not…" she hesitated, searching her friend's expression. The distress in it made her decision in a moment: much as Akhir should be the first to hear this, she couldn't leave Jasmine thinking the worst. "I'm interested in her, too. I've no intention of rejecting her."

Jasmine stared at her for a moment, uncomprehending, before she took a deep breath, a smile spreading slowly across her face. "You are?! Oh, that's brilliant, Kal!" Jasmine turned away from her, almost tripping over with the speed at which she hurried to open the door to the apartment. "Come in, please, she's just in the living room."

Jasmine led her down the short hallway, opening the door to reveal the familiar room, small yet light, with a sense of openness created by the French doors that led out onto a tiny balcony at one end. At the other, Maya lay stretched out on the floor, her head propped on one hand as she watched a cartoon on the small television screen. Kalran's eyes travelled to Akhir, who had scrambled to her feet as they entered.

"Kalran." Akhir's voice was dull, without its usual expansive warmth, and she averted her gaze. "May the Kandrona shine and strengthen you. I- I appreciate you coming so early, I know you must be tired."

"Maya, come help me with breakfast," Jasmine ordered.

"But I'm watching this!" Maya whined, turning to look at her mother with outrage. "You said I could watch TV!"

"I know, sweetie, but Kalran needs to talk to Akhir. Come on, we can make pancakes. You can watch it later."

"It's fine, Jaz," Akhir said quietly. "We'll go in the hall."

Jasmine sighed. "Well, at least go in the kitchen, tamli. We'll live without breakfast for a few minutes."

Kalran followed Akhir down the hall to the kitchen, her heart pounding as she watched the light reflecting off Akhir's deep brown hair. She wasn't sure she'd noticed before quite how beautiful Akhir's morphed body was: something in her admitting her own feelings appeared to have made her morph's instincts take more notice, too.

She closed the door of the small, cheerful kitchen behind her, turning to face Akhir, who was standing close to the counter, clutching a hand so tightly around it her knuckles were pale with the effort. Her eyes were turned down, staring at the floor as though the meaning of the universe was written there.

"Akhir…" Kalran itched to move closer, to touch, but that wasn't fair, not yet. "I'm sorry about… well, the way everything happened last night. I know the circumstances aren't exactly ideal, but I want you to know…" she took a breath, reminding herself that every second she wasted was hurting Akhir. "I feel the same way."

Akhir jerked her head up, shock in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm interested in you, too. I – I'd like to be ilsh'nish." Kalran winced: the form of words sounded so clumsy compared to how they would in their own forms, but that couldn't be helped. "I don't know what that looks like in these bodies… Kandrona, I hardly even know how to ask for it in these bodies… but I'd like to try, to find out together." She met Akhir's wide-eyed stare and smiled softly. "Do you feel the same?"

There was a long silence, Akhir still staring at her. Eventually, she mumbled: "I… say that again?"

Kalran smiled again, despite the concern now rising within her. She hadn't expected this. "I'm interested in you. I'd like to be mates, if that's what you want?"

"I- I don't understand."

"I'm not sure how I can say it any more clearly," Kalran murmured, taking a step towards Akhir, her smile fading as dread rose within her. "What is it? Did Tamhet misunderstand your feelings? It's alright if she did," Kalran lied, feeling ill at the thought. "It isn't your fault, I shouldn't have assumed-"

"No, that's not-" Akhir met her eyes, looking pained. "Oh, I'm sorry, if I've made you think – no, she was right. I am interested in you. I'm so sorry, I I- never meant to hurt you."

The rush of relief dizzied her, making Kalran reach out a hand for the counter herself. "Oh. Oh, I am glad to hear that." She met Akhir's eyes, smiling again. "Of course you haven't hurt me. So." She looked deep into Akhir's eyes, taking another step closer. "I admit I've no idea what we do now, as humans. Do we arrange a date, do you think?"

There was no answer, Akhir's expression still pained. She was yet to smile, to show any joy, and Kalran's own excitement plummeted at the realisation.

"Kalran… I'm so sorry. I should have told you how I felt. I just – with everything with Oglud, it never seemed the right time. I promise I never meant to manipulate you. I wanted to be your friend, at first, and then when I… I started to feel…" She broke off abruptly, taking a breath. "I didn't know what to do. It seemed wrong to stop seeing you with no explanation. I never meant to hurt you."

"You haven't hurt me." Kalran frowned, trying to make sense of the rush of words. "I understand why you didn't say anything. That was good of you, to give me time. I needed that time. And your friendship's been invaluable, through everything. I don't know if I'd have coped without it."

"That's what I mean," Akhir raised her eyes again, looking at Kalran with an earnest expression. "I am so sorry. I didn't intend to take advantage of your pain."

Kalran frowned. "I know that."

"But I have, haven't I? This... this isn't right for you. You can do so much better than me."

It was Kalran's turn to stare, uncomprehending. "Whatever do you mean?"

"I- you were in pain, you were vulnerable, and I've made you feel-"

"You haven't made me feel anything!" Kalran exclaimed, suddenly understanding. "You think I'm so desperate that I'm just seizing at the first Yeerk to appear, that I don't know my own feelings? That's just nonsense!" Kalran's voice was raised with relief, but she realised her mistake as Akhir shrank back a little.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

"You haven't," Kalran forced her voice to calm. "Not at all. I'm just relieved that that's all that's worrying you. Akhir, I wouldn't be saying this if I weren't sure. I can't say how it'll develop, neither of us can, but right now I'm certain I want to be with you. You, not anyone you for some reason think is better."

"I- but-" Akhir still looked confused. "But you- how can you want- ? You're too good for me."

"Now you sound like Tamhet." Kalran tried for a joking tone. "Come on, now, I heard enough from her last night."

When Akhir's expression didn't change, Kalran sighed. "Look, if this is about me being in the movement, then I really don't think we'd be any different given the same hosts. I only did it for Sara. And we both know Jasmine's safety was best assured by you following the Empire line. It's just a label. Neither of us approved of what the Empire did, and those sides of the war are over. I understand that you feel guilty. I feel guilty, for all the time I spent doing nothing about it. But it doesn't need to affect us."

Kalran paused, taking in Akhir's expression. The other Yeerk still looked uncertain, but at least she was holding eye contact now.

"And Sara?" Akhir asked. "Will she be okay with this… with us?"

"Eventually," Kalran answered, forcing away the pain at the thought of the silent treatment she'd undoubtedly get from her host when she found out. "Even if she weren't, I wouldn't let that stop me. After all, I wouldn't dictate who she sees." She risked a smile. "So, was that a yes? Because I'm not sure you've answered my question yet, you know."

There was a silence, Akhir's dark brown eyes scanning her own. Eventually, a smile broke across her face, and Kalran felt her heart speed up in response.

"Yes. Of course yes! I- oh, Kalran, I-" Akhir was beaming at her now, her frame finally relaxing. "I'm so sorry, I've- I shouldn't have been so-"

Kalran smiled back at her, deciding it was a good moment to close the rest of the distance between them. "Nishli." She cut across Akhir's stuttering, slowly reaching to touch her hand.

Akhir stared at Kalran's hand as it came to rest on hers yet made no move to withdraw. For a few moments, she merely let it rest there, before she hesitantly turned her wrist, curling her slim fingers softly around Kalran's own. This human gesture was a poor substitute for the intimate depth of connection an inner-palp touch would have given them in their own bodies, but it would have to do. And it certainly felt wonderful. Kalran smiled as Akhir's eyes returned to hers.

"What do we do now?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Kalran replied. "But there's no rush to work everything out at once. Shall we go and tell Jaz the news? Then she can at least have her kitchen back."

Akhir nodded. "Yes. Yes, we should. She'll have been worrying about me."

The fizzing sensation of delight Kalran felt after her conversation with Akhir didn't last long, as she was reminded almost immediately of what poor Elsa had suffered. Akhir invited her to breakfast but nervously explained she couldn't eat with her, she had to do something for Elsa. Instead, Kalran sat in the kitchen with Jasmine and Maya, while Akhir made muffled phone calls from the living room.

"Please forgive her," Jasmine had said, slightly awkwardly, as they tucked into her excellent blueberry pancakes. "It's not that she doesn't want to be with you. You should see her after every outing you've had together, she comes home smiling like she's just won the lottery. She's just ridiculously self-sacrificing, that's all this is."

Kalran smiled. "I know. It's one of the things I like so much about her. Don't worry, Jaz, I'm not offended."

"It does just seem a little weird, when your new partner's here," Jasmine rolled her eyes. "Silly Yeerk, she could take half an hour off."

"I understand. Elsa is more important," Kalran murmured, her face falling.

"Yes." Jasmine's expression saddened, too. "Yes, she is."

/

An hour later, Kalran's good mood had all but evaporated as she perched tensely on a bus seat, on her way out to Kelly's flat, where she and Ilkiss were meeting Elsa. Her stomach churned with pain at what poor Elsa must be going through, and she couldn't help feeling responsible. Her mind replayed that day at Pizza Hut over and over. Each time it seemed increasingly obvious what was going on, and Kalran felt stupider and stupider every moment. By the time the bus reached her stop, the guilt had almost overwhelmed her.

When she reached the apartment, Ilkiss was already there, sat opposite a tearful Elsa at the breakfast bar. Kalran felt another wave of guilt: in her worry about Elsa, she'd all but forgotten Ilkiss, who was in such pain. To pretend a mate-bond like that was something she'd never even considered was possible. In the pool it probably wouldn't have been… Kandrona, poor Ilkiss.

Kelly nudged her side, and Kalran realised she'd frozen in the doorway. She forced herself to step into the room, and the sound of her footsteps made them both lift their heads.

"Kalran," Ilkiss greeted her, with a forced smile that did not reach his eyes, which looked deeply tired. "How are you?"

"Never mind me," Kalran said quickly, turning her eyes to Elsa, who was staring at the tabletop. "Elsa, how are you? I am so, so sorry."

"I'm the one that should be apologising," Elsa mumbled, without meeting her eyes. "I let her try and use you both. I'm so sorry, Kal, you didn't deserve that."

Kalran's eyes widened in surprise. "You were threatened, Elsa! How can you blame yourself? It was our fault, we should have noticed something was wrong, that day. Oh… Elsa, did it happen while we were there?"

Elsa nodded. "In the bathroom. But it wasn't your fault." She raised her eyes to Kalran's for the first time. "I've just been saying to Ilkiss, the last thing I wanted was for you to notice. People would have got hurt. Oh, I'm just so glad you're not being lied to anymore. I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to apologise," Ilkiss and Kalran said at almost the same time.

"That's twice Kal's said that and about five times Ilkiss has. You planning to get the message anytime soon, Els?" Kelly said, sliding a cup of coffee and a homemade chocolate chip cookie onto the table. "Sit down, Kal, these guys have had theirs."

Kalran slid onto a stool next to Ilkiss as Kelly sat back down beside Elsa. "I'm not sure I can eat this," she said quietly. "If either of you want another, go ahead."

Elsa jumped, lifting her eyes to meet Kalran's. "Oh, Kal, honey, I knew you weren't okay! I'm so sorry!"

"No, it's not that! I just had a huge breakfast, that's all." Kalran tried a hesitant smile, hoping a little humour might help. "Shows how rare it is for me to refuse sugar, though."

Elsa offered her a hesitant smile in return. "Yeah, I've never seen you turn down chocolate before." Elsa's smile twisted, her expression darkening. "Did you know you're abusing a highly valuable body and in punishable defiance of Empire nutrition protocols?"

Kelly shoved Elsa's shoulder. "For God's sake, Els, stop quoting her! Even as a joke. That's the tenth time this morning."

"Sorry. I've had her commentary running on a loop in my head for weeks. It hasn't been as bad as this since she was actually there. Being deeply sarcastic is my only coping mechanism." Elsa sighed, her pain showing openly again. "I'm so sorry, guys. I bet she was awful to you last night."

"When she eventually stopped trying to flatter and lie her way out of it," Kalran muttered before she could stop herself. "Kandrona, what is wrong with her?!"

"Many scientists have investigated that question," Elsa muttered. "So far the conclusion is she's a narcissistic little bitch. Oh, God, I'm so sorry she was mean to you. I can just imagine what she said. If she has one real talent it's finding the right words to really twist the knife in."

"It was fine. She only made some comments about us being peace movement, and that's not an insult. We know what we did was right. And you certainly don't need to apologise for her." Kalran reached a hand across the table. "None of this is your fault, Elsa. Please believe me."

Elsa took her hand, squeezing it tightly, her eyes dropping back to the table. A tense silence descended over them for a few minutes, Kalran and Ilkiss watching Elsa with concern, Kelly wrapping an arm around her, rubbing her back.

Eventually, Elsa lifted her head again, wiping her eyes with her free hand and tilting her head to one side. "So. How many times did she attempt to wriggle her way out of it?" Her smile was brittle. "This is my other coping mechanism, by the way, Tamhet bingo. So. I reckon about ten attempts to avoid blame against overwhelming evidence and at least five uses of the word 'pathetic' after she was found out."

"You know her very well," Ilkiss muttered darkly. "Far better than I ever did. How could I have been so blind?! Elsa, I am so sorry that I didn't realise."

Kalran reached out her other hand for his arm. "Ilkiss, it's not your fault. None of us realised. How could anyone have expected deceit like it?" She squeezed his arm, then the hand of Elsa's she still held. "It's no-one's fault but hers."

"Hear, hear," Kelly said. "Come on, Kal's right. Stop blaming yourselves."

"It's over, now," Kalran continued gently, glancing between them. "She's gone."

Kelly's expression hardened suddenly, and she tightened her arm around Elsa, who raised her gaze to Kalran's.

"Not quite." Elsa shook her head, her jawline tight. "Now she's found a threat to control me I'm sure she'll be back. Back to bother me, that is, not you guys."

"We're working on that," Kelly murmured reassuringly. "You know that. This won't be for too much longer."

Elsa's eyes dropped again. "I don't know. I don't know what we're going to do."

"Can we help?" Kalran asked, exchanging a glance with Ilkiss. Dread pooled in the pit of her stomach: she'd thought Elsa must be safe, now, and the idea that Tamhet would keep threatening her was utterly sickening.

"What was the threat?" Ilkiss enquired gently. "We'll find a way to help you. I know a lot of Tamhet's friends, where she works… maybe I can… well, blackmail her. Strike a deal. It's worth a try."

"I can't tell you." Elsa was pale. "She… if she finds out I've told people she'll-"

"Els, you can trust these guys. Come on, they've proven that," Kelly said gently, rubbing her friend's shoulders. Her face tightened. "Surely if you can tell slimeball, of all people…"

Kalran straightened, her eyes widening in shock. Kelly must mean Akhir, they'd seen no-one else who'd warrant that name.

"Shh!" Elsa urged, jerking her head up. "Don't tell them who I've told, that only makes it more likely it'll get out!"

"We won't go behind your back and ask her if you don't want to tell us, Elsa!" Kalran exclaimed. "Surely you know us better than that? Anyway, she'd keep your secret, you know. Assuming you're referring to Akhir, that is." Her voice softened. "You can trust her. I'm certain of it."

Kelly's nose wrinkled, and she exchanged a look with Elsa. "God," she grumbled. "Oh, no. Seriously, Kal? Thought you'd have better taste than that."

Kalran took a deep breath, forcing herself not to snap at Kelly. They have a right to hate her, Kalran reminded herself. Even if they're wrong. Puzzlement quickly followed her anger: Kelly was talking like she knew what had passed between her and Akhir that morning, but how could she? "What are you talking about?"

Elsa was the one who answered, meeting her eyes with a forced smile. "Can I ask you a personal question? Are you and Akhir dating?"

Kalran twitched with surprise. "Well…" she glanced at Ilkiss, who gave her a smile that was only slightly more genuine than Elsa's. "Well, yes, if that's what you want to call it. But only for…" she checked her watch. "About four hours. How under the Kandrona do you know?"

Elsa winced. "Because Tamhet has no respect for people's privacy. As per usual." She pushed the smile back onto her face, with what seemed like some effort. "Anyway, congratulations. I want you to know… I want you to be happy. You deserve that more than anyone, after everything you've been through. I'm even willing to stop calling her slimeball in front of you, and that's saying something."

"I'm not quite at that stage," Kelly said, with a shudder of disgust. "But if she truly makes you happy then I'm glad, Kal."

Kalran felt tears prick behind her eyelids. "Thank you," she managed after a moment, glancing between the two of them. "I know that can't have been easy to say. I… I can't say how much I appreciate your friendship. Can I… can I ask you leave it to me to tell Sara? I- I promise I will do, just… not yet."

"Sure," Kelly said instantly. "It's your news to share, Kal, not ours."

"Thank you," Kalran murmured again. "Elsa… are you sure there's nothing we can do to help? I'm not asking you to tell me anything you don't want to, it's just… surely there must be something we can do, even without knowing the details?"

"I agree," Ilkiss said slowly. "We'd do anything to help. I feel responsible for this. I… I should have seen-"

"Don't blame yourself, please!" Elsa's eyes flew to meet his. "I feel responsible for her using you."

"You really shouldn't." Ilkiss' voice was flat. "I should have realised. There were enough clues."

"Don't be silly." Kalran reached to take his hand again. "No-one else realised, did they? How could anyone have imagined she would do such a thing?! You're not to blame, schrellatie."

"Of course you're not," Elsa added. "She's an excellent liar. I'm so sorry, Ilkiss."

"It's not your fault," he repeated. "And I'm sorry, too. I should have seen something was wrong that day. I've been so foolish."

"Anyone would've been taken in," Kelly spat. "God, that Yeerk is a bloody psychopath. Ilkiss, please stop blaming yourself. It's all Tamhet's fault."

Elsa nodded knowingly. "Yup. First rule of life is it's all Tamhet's fault. You being miserable, me being miserable, the traffic on the way over here, global warming, the lack of world peace, recorder recitals by six year-olds…"

Kalran couldn't help smiling, and even Ilkiss looked a little cheerier.

"That's the only way to deal with her, laugh at her. She makes it easy, she's so bloody ridiculous," Elsa continued, although Kalran could hear the fragility behind her joking tone. "Only Yeerk I ever had who tried to follow the sleeping position policy."

"I didn't know we had a sleeping position policy," Kalran said, watching Elsa carefully. The humour looked like it was helping, but it was hard to be sure. "Although I suppose I was a pathetic traitor, so I'm not exactly the best source."

"Some sub-Visser she wanted a promotion from invented one, so naturally she followed it. She can be such a little suck-up, it's seriously embarrassing."

Elsa grinned, but the others remained nervous, glancing at each other. Kalran looked between Elsa and Ilkiss: Elsa's false jollity made Kalran pretty sure she was struggling, and Ilkiss' distant gaze made her certain that he was.

"Tell you what," Kelly said after a while. "If you want to help, I reckon Elsa could do with a distraction. Shall we all head to the beach, play some really bad volleyball?"

Kalran glanced at Ilkiss, who nodded.

"I'd like that," he murmured. "It'd distract me, too."