Carla thanked the driver as she stepped off the bus and made her way around the corner, consulting Jasmine's neatly-drawn map as she did so. She soon realised she wasn't heading there alone: a woman who looked about ten years older than her had got off the bus at the same stop and was holding a similar square of pink paper, glancing at it occasionally as she headed in the same direction.
"Hello," the other woman said after a minute or so, when it was getting clearer and clearer they had the same destination. "Are you going to Jasmine's, by any chance?"
Carla nodded, warily. Now she was making eye contact with the woman, she noted her face was a little familiar: the effect of sharing a few feedings at the Pool, probably. Or maybe seeing her around the Sharing. Carla had never spoken much to the other voluntary hosts.
"I'm Helen," the other woman said in a friendly tone. "I have to say, I'm curious about what this is about. Curious and a little nervous. It all sounded very serious, not to mention a little cloak and dagger. What's your name?"
"Carla," Carla muttered. "I think this is the place," she added as they came in sight of a neat apartment block, turning into the parking lot at the back to reach the door.
A few bushes and flowers surrounded the entrance: while it wasn't in an expensive area by any stretch of the imagination, it was a step up from Alniss and the others' apartment. The advantage of having Jasmine's name on the lease, probably: Yeerk nothlits found it very difficult to move to new housing under their own names.
Akhir was standing just inside the entrance and pushed it open as they approached. "Hi, Carla," she greeted, with a smile that made Carla feel a little braver. "And hello," she added to Helen. "You're here to see Jasmine?"
Helen nodded.
"I'm Akhir, Jasmine's Yeerk. Come on up, about half of you are already here."
"How many of us are there?" Helen asked, hesitating in front of the door. "And what is all this? Jasmine said she had something serious to ask us all. It's all been a bit strange. First you tell us Jasmine just wants some friends, then she springs this weird meeting on us."
"I'm sorry, Helen," Akhir said sincerely. "There are seven of you, if that helps, not including Jasmine and myself. In the next hour or so it'll all be clear to you. I hope you feel you can trust us, but if there's anything I can do to help you feel safer-"
"No, I trust you," Helen said, offering Akhir a nervous smile. "Ondriss' mate's sister knows you, said you were lovely. Made Ondriss a bit less obnoxious about me coming. A very tiny bit."
"That's good, I suppose." Akhir's voice was a little hesitant. "Would you like to go up? Jasmine's upstairs."
They made their way up and into Jasmine's apartment. Carla had never seen it before, and despite her nerves looked around with curiosity. The hallway was lined with beautiful paintings of natural scenes, painted with soft lines so you had to stand a little distance away to get the full impression, the colours standing out more than the shapes did.
"In here," Jasmine's voice called from the end of the hall, her head appearing around the door a moment later.
Carla and Helen stepped tentatively to the end of the hallway and into the living room, which was bright and open but small, the space crowded with the four people already sitting there. An assortment of homemade cakes, freshly brewed coffee, tea and juice all sat on the dining table, and mismatched chairs created a circle around the sofa, on which two men and a woman were already perched.
"Help yourself," Jasmine said nervously, gesturing to the coffee and cake.
Helen tentatively took a drink, and Carla followed suit. The cakes, she noticed, were untouched, and there was a tense silence in the room. Carla took a cupcake, feeling sorry for Jasmine's wasted effort in making them. Jasmine had folded herself cross-legged on the floor opposite the sofa, and Carla hurried to take the dining chair next to her.
There was a clock on the wall above the dining table, and its tick sounded unnaturally loud in the silent room. Carla glanced around at the faces of the others, feeling nervous but determined not to show it. Jasmine was so shy she'd surely need all the help she could get. One of the men was perched on the edge of his seat as though he might run away any second, the other stared at the carpet as though a movie was playing on it, and the woman's arms were curled defensively around her waist in a mirror image of Carla's own position.
Carla consciously uncrossed her own arms and took a bite of her cupcake. "Mmm, Jasmine, this is delicious."
"Akhir made those," Jasmine said quietly, smiling at her. "I'll let her know."
"Yeah, but she probably learned how to cook from you," Helen said, with false cheeriness. "I'd take the credit. Way I do it with Ondriss is, if she can do it well she got it from me, if she's rubbish she must've learned it somewhere else."
Jasmine glanced nervously at Helen. Carla forced a smile, turning towards her. "Good system."
"Yeah, I think so," Helen joked. "Your Yeerk take credit for any of your talents?" she asked Carla.
Carla froze for a moment, the echo of Silrin's voice sounding in her mind more clearly than it had done for months.
You're so great at your job, Carla. Did you see that tip? Amazing. Look how much they appreciate you.
How do you know so much? I'd never be able to remember it all.
Carla, you're so kind.
You're so strong, tamli.
Feeling tears well in her eyes, Carla managed to mumble: "she mainly tried to get me to take credit for them myself, if I'm honest."
Jasmine reached a hand out to rest it sympathetically on Carla's arm. "My Akhir's the same," she said.
"Ondriss was, too, when I was first infested," Helen admitted, her eyes thankfully shifting away from Carla to meet Jasmine's. "Think she sees it as a victory now, when I remind her she learned a skill from me, that she's got me to admit I'm good at something." Helen grinned. "Mainly why I say it so often- hey, are you okay?"
Carla's tears, despite her best efforts, were beginning to track their way down her cheeks. Jasmine turned to her, her face furrowing in concern. "I'm so sorry, Carla."
Carla shook her head. "It's fine. I-" she turned to Helen. "I lost my Silrin in the war. She… the Pool ship…"
"Jesus!" Helen exclaimed. "Oh, that's awful. I'm so sorry."
"Me too." The man who had been staring at the carpet looked up, his dark eyes meeting Carla's own. "Rintess was there too. I'm Tomas, by the way."
Carla blinked, staring at him. Of course there must have been other people, other voluntaries who'd lost their Yeerks… probably many… but she'd spoken so little to the other hosts that she'd never knowingly met one before. "Oh, I'm sorry," she managed.
"Me too," Tomas said, looking sadly at her. "It's shit, huh?"
"Yeah," Carla admitted, looking downwards. Her mind was racing: the thought of someone else who understood was incredible, but it wasn't like she could say anything about the knot of pain inside her. She didn't even know where she'd start. "It's shit."
Thankfully, Carla heard footsteps in the hall before Tomas could reply, and Akhir appeared with two more people, her smile expansive and her voice friendly as she invited them to help themselves to food and drink and take a seat.
"Great cupcake, Akhir," Carla complimented. "How'd you have time to make them and organise all this? It's only been a week and a half since-" Carla broke off. That wasn't the way to introduce the news.
"She hasn't slept much," Jasmine looked at her Yeerk with a half-admiring, half-exasperated expression. "And barely stopped to eat. Eventually she'll learn she matters, too."
"This all of us?" Helen asked Jasmine. At her nod, she continued: "so. I for one can't cope with a lot of small talk before I find out what's so urgent that your Yeerk needs to cut out sleep for it."
The rest of the group looked up, their eyes turning, almost as one, to fix on Jasmine. Carla hoped she could cope with this: the last thing they needed was Jasmine falling into her particular brand of frozen silence.
"Okay," Jasmine said nervously. "I- I'm sorry we had to meet last week under false pretences."
"Not entirely false," Akhir broke in. "You are interested in making new friends, aren't you? It just… well, wasn't the main reason for contacting them."
"Well, yes, but…" Jasmine sighed. "I… the main reason was… was…"
"There's someone that needs our help," Carla cut in. "And she's put her neck on the line to try and protect you all, so she frankly deserves everything we can give her."
Jasmine nodded. "Absolutely. I… about six months ago I made a friend. A rather surprising friend. She… she was an involuntary in the war, and at first I couldn't believe she truly wanted my friendship, but she did. She's been amazing; really kind, the best friend anyone could have. And she's in trouble, and I want to help her. And I... I need your support to do it. You've all met her, or… you've seen her face anyway, and met one or other of her Yeerks. Her name's Elsa. Elsa Anderson."
A ripple of tension passed around the group, and there was a long silence. Carla shifted nervously, glancing at Akhir in the hope of reassurance. The Yeerk caught her eye and gave her a hesitant smile.
"She recruited me," Helen said eventually.
"You mean her Yeerk recruited you," Akhir said gently. "Can you remember the name of the Yeerk who was in her at the time?"
"Tamhet something," Helen replied. "Never been great at designations."
"Eight-one-nine," Akhir finished for her.
Akhir did a better job of keeping her face neutral than either Carla or Jasmine: Jasmine's face twisted with rage at the name, and Carla could feel her own teeth gritting together.
"They recruited me, too," said a woman sitting beside Tomas on the sofa.
Tomas nodded. "And me."
"Me three," said the man who had entered the room with Akhir.
"Mine was called Silrin," added the woman who had come in last, and Carla felt her whole body tighten.
The other man sitting on the sofa looked up. "Mine, too."
Akhir looked at Carla, hesitantly. "Silrin was Elsa's Yeerk before Tamhet. It's Tamhet that's causing the problem we want to speak to you about, but because Silrin was first… obviously Tamhet potentially had access to any information you told Silrin, through Elsa's memories."
"Information?" Helen frowned, looking suddenly more nervous. She wasn't the only one: the others were staring at Akhir, their expressions mixed between fear and confusion.
"Tamhet's a bitch," Jasmine said with sudden fierceness. "I'm sorry to say it, I know you must have trusted her when she recruited you all, but she can't be trusted. She… she's…" Jasmine cut off, took a breath. "She's using the information she knows about you all as a threat to make Elsa obey her."
There was a collective intake of breath as everyone's eyes turned to Jasmine.
"What do you mean?!" the woman on the sofa demanded.
"I… I mean…" Jasmine hesitated, looking at Akhir.
"Tamhet has threatened to try and trace anyone she can find who is connected with you and tell them any secrets you entrusted her with, if Elsa disobeys her," Akhir said slowly. "She's a disgrace to my species, and I can only apologise to all of you that she would even think of doing such a thing, but I'm afraid that is her intention. Elsa asked us to help find you, to warn you. I would suggest you think carefully about any information you shared with her and how traceable you are: if you still have the same jobs, addresses, that kind of thing, and if so whether that can be changed. If there's anything I can do to assist you then I will do it, very gladly."
"Jesus," the woman on the sofa breathed. Her eyes hardened. "Well, that's just bloody lovely of Elsa, isn't it? Betray us but give us advance warning so we can be looking over our shoulders the rest of our lives?!"
Carla felt a white-hot flame of rage flare suddenly inside her. "She hasn't betrayed you!" she shouted, pushing herself to her feet. "She's taking the hit for you, for all of us, even though it's tearing her apart to have this dapsen of a Yeerk controlling her again, when she thought she was free, when she should be free! And she's doing it for all of us, even though it was partly our fault in the first pl -" Carla broke off, surprised by her own words.
"Speak for yourself," the woman spat. "I don't think it was our fault in the slightest, and we don't owe this Elsa anything."
"Does she owe you anything?" Akhir asked mildly. "Because she's acting like she does. Elsa's been standing between you and Tamhet for over a month already, even though, as Carla pointed out, it is making her ill. Very ill. Tamhet was a crueller Yeerk than I imagine any of you will ever have encountered. She... she tortured her! Think how having someone like that threatening you would make you feel, Maria."
The woman looked a little chastened, and Carla glanced around the rest of the group. Their expressions were a mix of fear and shock, except for Helen, whose eyes were brimming with tears.
"Sweet Jesus," Helen murmured. "She… she's been protecting us, after everything we- why? She was… she was just a child, when Tamhet was in her. I remember her, she only looked about twelve."
"She was fourteen," Akhir said quietly. "She was taken when she was fourteen."
Carla felt her stomach turn over. Helen dropped her eyes to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself.
"Well," Helen said. "For my part at least she can stop protecting me. I don't care what this Yeerk does, I'm not worth her getting hurt again. Will you tell her, Jasmine?"
Jasmine nodded. "I'll tell her," she said in a whisper, her eyes full of tears. "I- Elsa just wanted me to warn you all, that's all she asked, but for myself I'd like us to work out a way we can stop Tamhet holding this threat over her. Whether that's giving Elsa permission to stand up to her like you've just done, Helen, or protecting you all somehow, or something else… anything, I just… this has to stop. She's my friend and I can't let her suffer like this. Especially as it's partly my fault she's suffering in the first place."
"That last part's not true," Akhir said quietly, her pain clear for them all to see. "It was my fault and mine alone."
"Hey, come on," Carla jested despite the seriousness of the situation, hoping to cheer the Yeerk up. "I think we can blame Tamhet just a little bit."
Akhir glanced at her, gratefully, but did not smile. "Thank you, Carla. Apportioning the blame is hardly the most important thing, anyway. The point is, what do you all think about trying to find a solution? Will you let Elsa keep hurting herself to protect you, or are you willing to try and do something about it? And if so, what's best to be done? I'll do anything to help, but you should all decide, together, if you can."
"I'm with Helen," Tomas said, his face a mixture of anguish and continued shock. "Tamhet can do her worst, I'm not worth this girl getting hurt over."
"Same," said the man who'd entered the room with Akhir and was sat on the chair next to Carla's. "Although I'd rather we find a solution that's a bit more win-win than our secrets getting spilt everywhere. Jobs are hard enough to find these days, and mine don't know I was a voluntary." He narrowed his eyes, looking around at them. "We were all voluntary, here?"
"I flip-flopped between the two a bit, but long enough that I'm voluntary in most of humanity's book," Helen admitted. "I mean, obviously I'd prefer a solution that doesn't lose me money and friends, too, but if we can't find one I'll have to take it."
"None of you will go hungry or without shelter," Akhir said firmly. "That I promise."
Maria glanced around the room. "How're you going to feed and house all of us, exactly?"
"Other Yeerks will help. I have no doubt whatever about that, or my ability to find enough of them to make sure you're safe, financially at least. But I know that isn't the ideal situation for any of you, and losing your jobs is hardly the only danger."
"There are nine of us and only one of her," the man sitting beside Carla pointed out. "Not to mention our Yeerks, and whoever else will defend us. Can't we try and trace her address, threaten her back?"
"Just straight up shooting her doesn't sound like a bad option," another man muttered.
"I could get her address very easily," Akhir said. "But Elsa is very determined that no-one is to break the law for her, let alone kill anyone. It might be worth considering a threat, though. I've been wondering… if we were to protect you all as far as possible, make you hard to trace, make sure you've got financial and emotional backup, then make sure Tamhet knows that if she touches any one of you then the rest of you and your Yeerks and anyone else we can find will come down on her like a Vanarx's jaws… would that be enough? Would it reduce the threat enough for you to feel safe letting Elsa defy her?"
Helen nodded. "Sounds good. I'm hard to trace anyway. I've changed my surname, my address, work, everything, since I joined the Sharing. And Ondriss can make sure all her friends know not to tell anyone new where to find me, until they've been thoroughly vetted first."
"My position's pretty similar," the man beside Carla agreed. "I deliberately made myself hard to find after the war. By human means, at least, although clearly a well-connected Yeerk can find me." He nodded at Akhir. "Not if I tell my Yeerk to get his network to keep it quiet, though."
Tomas nodded. "There are a few weaknesses, but I can deal with them. It'd take a little while, but if this Yeerk does show up in the meantime then I don't want this girl sacrificing herself for me. Will you tell her that, Jasmine?"
"If I need to," Jasmine said, the nervousness in her voice increasing. "I- I was wondering… once we're all agreed… I asked Elsa to be free this afternoon. She could come here, we could discuss it all together, if you were willing. She ought to have a say."
Carla tensed. She no longer felt nervous about that prospect, but she remembered how she'd felt only a few months ago and knew the panic the others must be feeling. Glancing around the group, their expressions confirmed it.
"Who says we're all going to agree?" Maria asked, the man beside her nodding too. "That seems a bit premature to me. I'm not sure I want to take this risk."
"Yeah, cause the rest of us are jumping up and down with excitement about it," Carla muttered, fury rising in her again. "None of us want to, we just aren't all amoral little-"
"Thank you, Carla," Akhir cut in quickly. "Perhaps we can have a show of hands, who is willing to take the risk, if we take the actions I've outlined?"
Carla raised her hand firmly, Helen following suit beside her. Tomas, and the man beside Akhir, also did so, and the woman beside Jasmine half-raised her hand after a few moments' pause.
"I'm scared," she admitted, looking at Akhir. "But it isn't fair to hurt someone else just because of that. I did enough of that in the war."
"God's sake," Maria muttered. Her hand, and that of the third man, remained lowered. "It's not our fault some Yeerk can't be trusted, is it?"
"I don't know." Jasmine's eyes were narrowed, and she glared at Maria. "It's not like she infested you, is it? You willingly told her whatever it is she's holding over your head. Maybe should have thought of the consequences if she spread it around."
"Jasmine," Akhir said warningly. "None of this is anyone's fault but Tamhet's. Nevertheless, the people in this room are in the position of having to make a choice, to prevent her from harming Elsa even more or to let that happen. I know that's a horrible position to be in, and I can only apologise profusely for my species and my own part in all this-"
"You didn't have a part in all this, tamli," Jasmine murmured, reaching for her Yeerk's arm.
"I did, but that doesn't really matter. My point is, that is the choice that's before you all, unfair as it is."
"It's too risky," Maria pleaded, the man beside her nodding, his face filled with fear. "I've got kids to feed, and my new husband doesn't know anything about my history. I don't want to lose him. And others, our friends, they might hurt me if they knew I was voluntary."
Jasmine frowned. "I thought you said your Yeerk's still alive. How can your husband not know? Don't you see her?"
"That's not important information right now, tamli," Akhir murmured, although she looked a little pained.
"I see her," Maria sniffed, looking even more closed off. "Secretly. She doesn't mind, not that it's any of your business."
"It's not safe for me either," the man beside Maria said. "I don't want to go into details. Like I said, it's too dangerous."
There was a long silence. Carla felt sickened: to have come so close to sorting this out, only to be stymied by just two people... how could they? She understood their fear, but to let Elsa get hurt like she was… how could they?
"Elsa sometimes can't speak properly because of Tamhet," Jasmine said after a while, tears in her eyes. "We saw it. She can't coordinate the muscles on her face properly when she gets panicked. And while Tamhet was threatening her… I didn't know what was wrong back then, but she wasn't herself, she looked like she'd barely been sleeping… please. We can't let Tamhet keep doing this to her."
Maria's eyes widened. "Seriously? You're not just making that up?"
"My Jasmine does not make things up." Akhir's tone was no longer the calm and soothing one she'd maintained so far.
Maria blinked. "Sorry," she said submissively, dropping her eyes. "Look, I- I do want to help her, it's just… this is frightening."
"Is there anything we could do that could make it feel safer?" Akhir asked instantly, her gentleness returning. "That would make it possible for you to help?"
Maria sighed. "Time. If I could have a few months, Filran could warn her network, and I could… I could try and change jobs. My surname's already changed, but I still work in the same place. And I guess think about how else I can make myself harder to find. And… I want some reassurance someone can look after me and the kids, if it's needed. More than just a promise, Akhir, I want to see these Yeerks you supposedly know who have the money to care for us, hear from them directly that they're willing to do so for however long we need. I don't want my kids going hungry."
"Of course you don't," Akhir murmured, glancing at Jasmine. "I'll start arranging that today. As for the time… the only person who can guarantee you time is Elsa. And I'm not sure it would be a guarantee, either: she'll try to hold out for as long as she can, but she might just snap if it gets too much. How long is a few months?"
"Three?" Maria tried.
"That's too long to leave her like this!" Jasmine protested.
"Yes, but it's better than forever," Akhir pointed out. "We'll have to ask Elsa for that time, Maria, but I imagine having an end date would do a lot for her health in itself. As for the finances, what would Filran give you, do you think?"
"Anything she can, but she can't give a lot. And there's no spare room in her apartment. Three hundred dollars a month, maybe."
"Alright. Well, I can set up a time for you and Filran to meet with me and some Yeerks who might be able to help, we can work out what you need." Akhir turned towards the man who was sitting next to Maria on the sofa. "John? Is there anything that would make it safe enough for you?"
"Not really," John muttered. "But I am already hard to find, and I don't want to be the only one standing in the way of helping. If we can have a bit of time to make ourselves as hard to trace as we can, and then all threaten her together… then yes. I'll do it."
Akhir nodded. "Thank you, John. You're all being so brave. Am I right in thinking that's a unanimous decision, then? Can we tell Elsa?"
"As long as we can have some time," Maria cut in hastily.
"I'm sure you can. Three months? Elsa'd defend you for three years."
"Not that we're giving you three years," Carla said quickly. "The longer this goes on the more Elsa suffers, and she doesn't deserve it."
"Shall we tell her together?" Jasmine asked, looking around the group, her fingers already curled around her cell phone. "I know it might feel frightening, but you can trust her, I promise. Like Carla said, she's already been protecting you all. And she knows Tamhet the best, she can help us plan to make it as safe as we can."
"I- I don't know-" Maria stammered.
"If you're asking her to stand between you and this… dapsen… for three months, then you ought to at least tell her to her face," Helen snapped.
"I'm not sure that's necessary," Akhir said gently. "And tamli, you're right it would be easier to have everyone involved around the same table, but I do wonder whether Elsa's quite ready for that."
Carla'd had the same thought, which was further confirmed by glancing around the group's faces. Even Helen looked nervous, and everyone else looked absolutely terrified. "I agree, Akhir."
"I just worry she won't believe us," Jasmine mumbled. "If we can't show her that everyone's okay with it, why would she-"
"Elsa trusts you, tamli. She'll take your word for it. I don't think we need to put her through talking about it all in front of a group of people who are effectively strangers to her."
"Yeah, I see your point," Helen said. "You can give her my number, though, if she does want to call and confirm." Helen pushed herself to her feet. "Come on, guys, let's get out of the way. Thanks for everything, Jasmine, Akhir."
"It's the least I can do," Akhir said gently.
Akhir gradually showed the group out, while Jasmine went off to call Elsa. Carla, feeling a little superfluous, filled the time by tidying the cups away, finding the apartment's tiny kitchen without too much effort. She'd filled the sink with water and was halfway through washing up when she heard a footstep behind her, the water splashing as she jumped slightly.
"Sorry," Akhir said, smiling as Carla met her eyes. "I didn't mean to sneak up on you. You didn't need to do all this," she added, gesturing to the cups as she picked up a teatowel. "Thank you."
"It's nothing. Not like I've anything better to do." Carla turned her eyes back to the dishes, scrubbing at them in silence.
While she didn't say another word, Akhir's presence was somehow comforting. They fell into a slow, calm rhythm of washing and drying, Akhir moving softly about the kitchen as she put things away.
"You're gonna have to go, aren't you?" Carla said eventually. "When Elsa gets here, I mean."
"I will, yes. I'm the last person Elsa needs to see."
"Again, I think that might be Tamhet," Carla pointed out, setting the last mug on the draining board and turning to face the Yeerk. "Look, I- thanks, for the other night. I probably shouldn't have shot her."
Akhir shook her head gently. "It was very understandable. If I'd had a Dracon I would have done it, too." The Yeerk tilted her head to one side, pausing as she crossed the room, setting the cup she was holding down on the side. "Carla… you don't have to answer this, but can I ask how you're feeling?"
Carla hesitated, searching the Yeerk's eyes. Akhir was so easy to talk to it was tempting, but she still felt hesitant. "Only if I can ask you the same question."
"That sounds fair." Akhir smiled slightly. "Who's going first?"
"I-" Carla hesitated, looking down. "I don't ever seem to miss her any less. When they said her name today, I just- she hardly spoke to me about her time with Elsa. I wish… oh, I don't know, really. And I… I didn't realise… the way Tamhet spoke to Elsa that night…" Carla intensified her stare at the neat linoleum tiles. "I feel guilty," she said in a rush. "But I can't say sorry, I just… I can't. I don't really get how Jasmine's managed it."
"It wasn't your fault, Carla. It was entirely our responsibility, not yours. There was nothing you could have done."
Carla shook her head emphatically, raising her eyes to meet Akhir's. "If I accept that then I'm accepting it was Silrin's fault, and I can't think like that about her. She… she never wanted to hurt anyone."
"I'm sure she didn't." Akhir's eyes were gentle as they met hers, filled with understanding. "She sounds wonderful, Carla, I wish I could have met her. And the way Tamhet treated Elsa was not Silrin's fault, and certainly not yours. That rests wholly with her. Not even with the Empire… there was no need to behave as she's done."
"Yeah, but without the Empire she'd never have had the chance to."
Hurt flashed in Akhir's eyes, quickly concealed.
"Sorry," Carla said hurriedly. "I didn't mean- it wasn't your fault."
"It was. But you've no need to apologise, Carla. You're absolutely right. And the way the Empire was, it gave you no real way to help."
"You either," Carla pointed out. "Not to sound too much like her, but you were pretty low down the pecking order, huh? It wasn't like you could've changed a lot."
"I could have done something. Joined the movement, at least. But it's too late for that now."
"Yeah, well, you're definitely helping now. You were amazing, organising all this." Carla grinned. "Stopping it descending into complete chaos, too. Persuading Maria not to be a completely selfish little-"
"I'm sure Maria's reasons were very understandable, had we known them in detail," Akhir murmured. "But I couldn't have done any of that without you. You're the one who saw through Tamhet, don't forget that." Akhir reached a hand out to gently touch her shoulder. "Your Silrin would be so proud."
Carla felt hot tears spring up suddenly in her eyes. She turned her head away.
"Hey," Akhir murmured, stepping closer and reaching an arm around her shoulders. "It's alright."
There was something about the Yeerk's presence that stopped Carla pulling away: a sense of safety, somehow, a certainty that she wouldn't be judged. She let her head turn, burying it against Akhir's shoulder, and felt the Yeerk tighten her arms around her.
"It's awful what happened to you, Carla. I'm so sorry."
They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Carla heard the creak of a floorboard at the door. She pulled away hurriedly, wiping at her eyes.
"Oh. Sorry," Jasmine murmured from the doorway, looking embarrassed. "I- I just came to let you know Elsa's on her way. I- I'll just-" she began to turn away.
Carla could feel her face burning: she hated anyone seeing her cry. "Knock next time, can't you?"
"On her own kitchen door. Really?" Akhir's voice was still gentle, but Carla felt her flush deepen anyway.
"Sorry," she muttered, avoiding both their eyes.
"It's okay," Jasmine said, her voice as gentle as her Yeerk's. "You don't need to be embarrassed. It must have been so hard, hearing them say her name. I'm sure she was wonderful."
"Who says I'm embarrassed?" Carla snapped.
"Jaz isn't going to hurt you," Akhir said softly. "Come on, you can trust each other."
Carla turned to look at her, unable to meet Jasmine's eyes. "Can't we just pretend this never happened?"
"Of course we can."
It was Jasmine who'd answered, and Carla felt a flash of irritation. She quickly redirected it: it was hardly Jasmine's fault.
"Maria doesn't deserve that Yeerk, huh?" she said, turning to Jasmine, trying to keep her voice casual.
Jasmine looked a little taken aback, whether at the change of topic or the anger Carla couldn't keep out of her voice, she wasn't sure.
"You don't know that," Akhir murmured. "We know very little about it."
"We know enough," Jasmine muttered. "I'd never treat you like that, like some kind of dirty secret."
"Yeah. At least you know how lucky you are," Carla said bitterly.
Jasmine looked at her with an expression of pity that only made Carla's fury strengthen. "Of course I do. Oh, Carla, I wish I could bring her back for you."
"So do I," Akhir echoed. "Is there anything we could do that would make it easier? Any way we could behave when we're around you that would help?"
Carla thought about it for a moment. When she'd first met the two of them, every smile they'd exchanged, every time they'd seemed to know the other's thoughts without asking, had driven a red-hot knife into her chest. And yet… "No," Carla mumbled. "Don't change a thing. You shouldn't feel you have to hide for me, and in a way it… it hurts, yeah." She looked towards Akhir, keeping her eyes away from Jasmine. "But I guess it's good to see… well, what might have been, I guess. It… I guess now it's starting to remind me of the nice memories, too."
Akhir's eyes were so kind that Carla felt she could almost see Silrin in them. What she remembered most of her Yeerk was that sense of unconditional support. "One day I'd love to hear more about her, if you want to tell me," Akhir said softly. "For now, though, we should get ready for Elsa. I'll go out, Jasmine. Text me when you're done."
Jasmine nodded. "Okay. I- I don't want you to feel we're kicking you out."
"Not in the slightest." There was a deep pain in Akhir's voice as she added: "I'm the last person Elsa needs to see."