A/N: For Better Angels. Countdown day 4.

"Hey, we're home," Deeks said. Kensi was vaguely aware that he'd parked his truck in the driveway, but continued staring out the window, thoughts consumed with the horrors of the past day. It was the wee hours of the morning after getting everything settled at the—with David Sarraf. Her mind flashed to his body, pinned against that cold brick, and she quickly pushed it away.

They'd filed their reports back at the mission. Having to do all that mindless, bureaucratic work after David's horrific death was awful. As though any of that mattered when a good, kind man was now dead.

Deeks nudged her shoulder gently. "Kens, you ok?"

"No." She sighed heavily, unable to hide her pain and despair. She'd tried to keep it at bay around the others, but the effort was too much now. Shifting her torso, she turned to face him, though she kept her chin tipped down, unable to look Deeks directly in the eye. She knew she would find compassion and concern there. Which was more than she could handle at the moment with her emotions so raw and espoused.

"I keep thinking about his poor wife. Her last memory of him is going to be of a horrible phone call right before he died. He deserved so much better," she murmured. Her throat felt tight and chest heavy.

"I know."

"He was just trying to do the right thing. To stop more people from dying like his son, and he died for it. It's not fair," Kensi continued hoarsely. She shook her head quickly, roughly palming tears off her cheeks.

"You're right, it isn't," Deeks agreed softly. "But at least he had you."

"Everyone keeps saying that, like it makes everything better. All I did was give him false hope, and then destroy that hope it bit by bit." Making a bitter sound, she dug her fingers into her thighs, biting through the material of her jeans. Really, she wanted to hit something. To cause the kind of destruction she'd seen today. "And the whole time David acted grateful. Told me I was his "angel" and not someone who was keeping him alive long enough to get what I wanted."

"I'm sure that's he was grateful, and in that moment, you were a blessing," Deeks replied. She started to protest again, but he covers her hand with his. "You stayed with him the whole time. You reassured him when no one else would. You were honest. And most importantly, you did everything in your power to connect him and his wife one last time.

"I know if it was me, I'd want you there by my side."

"Yeah, well, you're highly biased," she told him, not resisting when he tugged her hand to his mouth.

"We'll get through this," he told her with a soft kiss.

"And what if I don't? What if I can't get rid of this anger and—and—" she waved her hand in frustration as she tried to find the words to express herself. "Futility. Like what we do is pointless," she finished.

"Then I'll be there to help you. Through the grief, the rage, all of it. And every step, I'll remind you why you love this job, and what a difference you make every day."

Kensi chuckled softly, suddenly overcome with tears again. Her anger was gone just as suddenly as it had come, and once again she was reminded of her love for Deeks. Just as she had earlier that evening.

She stretched across the console to embrace Deeks, burying her face in his neck again.

"I love you," she whispered again. "That's the only thing I'm certain of right now."

A/N: I feel like this would be a case that would stick with Kensi in particular for a while. And although Deeks is still eager to get out of NCIS at this point, I don't think he'd take advantage of Kensi's confusion, vulnerability, and distress to push the issue.