He smelt Roxanna's perfume before she reached his side in the library. Looking up from his book, Henrik went to smile at her, only to see her lips turned down in a sad smile, tracks of tears staining her cheeks. "Roxy?" he asked, pushing out the chair next to him for her. She sank down in it heavily, burying her chin in her chest as she gave a small shake of her head. "Whatever is the matter?"
"I know that you care for me, so I have to ask this of you, hopefully plainly. My thoughts are muddled a bit, so I don't know if I'll make much sense. Please, try to stop me if I just go careening off course." She reached out for his hand and clasped it lightly, rubbing her thumb against his knuckles as if to soothe herself. "John and I have been talking recently, well, fifteen minutes ago, really, and he told me something."
Henrik had never felt his entire body go cold quite so fast as when those words dropped from her lips. Taking a deep breath, he shifted in his seat, turning enough so that he could look at her, taking in the way her chin wobbled with unshed tears, the shallowness of her breaths, the way he could just make out her teeth as she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. Awkwardly, he reached out his free hand, stroking her hair lightly, trying not to dislodge her headband. "What did he say?"
Roxanna drew in a shuddery breath as she finally brought her head up, locking her eyes on his. The pain there was sharp to him, as if she had cut into him with a scalpel. "He told me that you were just stringing me along, that you didn't really care for me the way you said you do. He told me that you were in love with him, but didn't want to say anything, since the stigma is so great in the States. You're using me to appear straight, and while I didn't want to believe his words, there's a part of my heart that wonders. After all, I'm the outsider, you are the one who drew me in as the third wheel."
A little sob caught in her throat, and Henrik swallowed his own lump of tears as he closed his hand around her shoulder, drawing her close to him. "Did John give you a reason for telling you all this?"
"He just thought that I should know before I got in too deep with you. I don't want to believe him, but he made a compelling case. Henrik, tell me true. Which of us do you really love?"
He let go of her hand, watching her flinch at the move before her entire body tensed, as if she was expecting him to reject her. Henrik let out a long breath as he shook his head, trying to find it in himself to smile, even as he tried to figure out why John would lie like this. There was no reason for him to do it, other than to split Roxanna and him up. But why would he want that? They were still all friends, they just had a little closer bond, that was all. The longer he was quiet, though, the more Roxanna cried, the tears falling from her eyes in drops larger than he had ever seen. "I'm not lying when I tell you that I care for you deeply. You are so important to me, Roxy, and I wish that I could say all these words that are trapped in my mind. This is exactly what I wanted to speak with you about last week, when we went out to the bar. But John was able to smooth things over with you, and I thought that everything was okay between us all again."
"I just…I trust you, and I know you trust me, but how can you look at me the same way, knowing that I've clearly failed us in some way by even asking these questions?" Those words sounded so broken to his ears, and he shook his head as he tugged her closer to him, allowing her to burrow close to his chest as he stroked her back in long, soothing, arcs. "I love you, and I feel like I've fucked everything up because of my insecurity."
Those were her last coherent words before she was crying too hard to speak, and Henrik just held her, rubbing her back as he tried to calm her down. Thankfully, they were in a secluded corner of the library, where no one was likely to interrupt them, since he had the feeling that she would be quite embarrassed to be seen crying so hard. It wasn't until she seemed to calm a little that she pulled away from him to look up into his face. Her eyelashes were spiky from her tears, black smudges under her eyes, probably from her mascara running, and he sighed lightly before sticking one hand in his pocket to grab his handkerchief and delicately swiping beneath them as he tried to clear away those marks.
"I don't think that I can study any longer, Roxanna. How about we head to the coffee shop and talk about this a little more. We need to clear the waters between us before we go confront John about what he's said. May I kiss you?" A hopeful little smile darted across her lips before she nodded, and he cupped her face with his hands as he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, not wanting to do anything too salacious in public.
Sitting up, he looked at her face once more, noticing a few more tracks of black that he tried to take care of before he pushed away from the table and stood up, holding his hand out to her. Roxanna took hold of it quickly, pulling herself to her feet before she sprang forward and wrapped her arms around him, breathing in deeply a few times. "I love you, and I know that you aren't ready to say those words, and I'm not certain if I'm in love with you, but I do know that you have been the best thing to come into my life right now. Don't leave me?"
"As if I could do that," he said lowly as he let go of her, gathering up his books and notes, organizing them neatly into a stack by size before placing them in his rucksack, shoving his pen into its proper place before closing the bag and slinging it over his shoulder. "Now, shall we?" She nodded and slipped her hand into the crook of his arm, letting him lead her outside. The walk over to the coffee shop was nice, since Roxanna seemed to perk up a little as the cool breeze whipped through their hair. "When did you dye your hair?" he asked, finally noticing the pink tips.
She blushed a little, giving him a self-conscious smile as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're the first one to notice it. I wanted to do something that would make you smile, before John almost wrecked this whole thing. Do, do you like it?"
"It suits you quite well. And if you like it, that's all that matters." She let out a happy laugh as she nodded, opening the door for them. "Go find a table for us, I'll get our usual?" Roxanna smiled before heading into the seating area, allowing him to get in line, using the wait to ponder what they were going to do about John and his jealousy.