Hello all! New chapter. The discussion everyone (especially Martha and Donna lol) had been waiting for. For those who asked, I'm doing better, I'm not completely healed but it's on his way. Enjoy the chapter and don't forget to tell me what you think of it! Thank you.
My beta is as always the best ever. Thanks to her.

Chapter 15

As soon as she uttered those words, the smile on the Doctor face melted away, replaced by a look of fear and worry.

"I didn't mean to…" he started to say, his voice gripping with dread. "I understand but..but…"

Realizing suddenly how her words could be taken, especially with how the last few discussions between them had gone, she had the sudden urge to smack herself right into the forehead. Sometimes she wondered how they had been able to communicate at all in the past without blowing up everything out of proportion.

"No, Doctor, I mean not about me leaving or anything like that," Rose clarified as the Doctor relaxed at her words, his hand losing his grip onto the console. "Well, I mean we will have to talk about that, but that's not what I want to talk at the moment." She mimicked his infamous head scratch for a moment. "First of all, I haven't properly thanked you for Tony… You did everything to save his life when I couldn't." She looked straight into his eyes for probably the first time since the incident a few hours ago. "Thank you, Doctor. I don't know how I could repay you."

The Doctor smiled gently, his face mellowing under her words. "Oh but you already have, you know. So many times," he said with kind eyes, making Rose blush lightly under the undertone. "Well, if you count Abraskal X, I'd say that we are even!" he finished with a blinding smile making Rose snort at the memory.

"I didn't save your life. At most I saved one of your converse." She rolled her eyes at the image of the Doctor hopping on one foot, screaming at the little goblin who was running around with a bag of jelly babies and a mousetrap. "And the only thing I needed to do was ask the King nicely to give it back." She started to think back about that moment. "By the way, you never said why you had a bag full of jelly babies in your pocket," she mused.

He felt into the driver chair with absent gesture. "Converse… Life... I'd say it's the same thing. So for me we are even. And for the bag, well let's say that one of my past bodies was exceptionally fond of it and loved to hide them all over the place." He smiled more to himself than to her. "I wonder what other things I will find in the future." He looked at her brightly. "Do you know that I found a recorder from my second body in the bathroom of the Abydos chamber? The one with the non-gravity swimming pools!"

As Rose was ready to retort a witty response about that time where he had almost drowned Jack in one, she suddenly realized that he was trying to divert her attention by any means possible. Just like when she had been travelling with him. Everytime she had tried to have an important conversation with him or discuss past event, he had swiftly changed the subject or derailed the discussion enough for her to forget about it.

And she almost fell right into it. Just like when she was 20. She knew that she should be annoyed or even a little angry at him, but she couldn't because she knew that he was scared, at least as much that she was right now. But she knew that was something that could not wait any longer. Because if so, they will never do it. And like Martha said, probably lose each other in the process. And with her life, her mission and everything in between, it was something she wanted to avoid. At least for the current moment.

"Doctor…" she said with a gentle voice. "We really need to talk." The guilty look he had for a second was enough for her. "I think it's time you don't say?"

He sighed and after a last look into the ceiling he stood up. "You are right like always, Rose Tyler." And with a small smile he started towards one of the corridors, not looking back to see if she was following. "The kitchen or the Library?"

She followed him, looking at his tense back. "The library. Less chance to be interrupted."

He snorted. "With Donna? Yeah sure." He opened his mouth to add something else before suddenly freezing in place and smacked himself in the forehead, making Rose jump at the sudden change of mood. "Oh we forgot the tea! We can't go without tea!" He jumped around, a wild smile on his face, already changing corridors at alarming speed. "Start without me. I will be right behind you!" And just like that he disappeared. She looked around, still a little stunned at what just happened.

"I almost forgot about that," she said to no one in particular, even if she could swear that the TARDIS was laughing in the background. She was ready to clapback a remark to the machine that had once been her home, when the door of the library appeared in front of her. She drew a sudden breath, surprised as the strong emotions taking hold of her body. She touched hesitantly the drawings around the frame, remembering doing the same thing so many years ago the first time she had seen it. It had been her first Doctor back then. Explaining to her what each drawing was supposed to mean. As she walked into the room, everything was a reminiscence of those times.

That couch when he had read Charles Dickens to her while she was wrapped up in his leather, smiling like a loon everytime he tried to do some different voice and failing miserably. The bookcase in the far end of the library when she had laughed until crying when the Doctor had tried to retrieve one of his physics book, and instead had tripped onto his converse and fell right into the purple plant from Zenevor, making him sneeze uncontrollably for three days. That table when Jack and her had an epic battle reenacting "A Midsummer Night's Dream" when the Doctor had forbidden them to enter the console room for a reason long forgotten.

She didn't realized that she was crying until a soft hand brushed her shoulder in a clear sign of comfort, startling her with a gasp. When she turned around, she looked right into those ancient eyes full of compassion and pain. So much like herself she had to look away.

"I'm sorry," she said hastily drying her eyes. "It's just…"

He put the tray onto the coffee table, and placed himself in front of her, keeping a safe distance between them, not totally sure if he should touch her. "Don't worry, Rose, I know." He smiled in direction of a chair big enough to contain two people. "Do you remember when you decided that you wanted to read all of the Harry Potter in one go after I told you they did three different spin off?"

She smiled without realizing it. "We camped out for nine days on that chair."

He scratched his ear. "Well technically seven days, eighteen hours and thirty-six minutes. But who's counting?"

She pushed him playfully. "Hey, I'm sure if we count every time we had gone out to eat, or use the bathroom, it's almost nine days!"

"If you say so!" But then his smile dropped, his face becoming more serious. "If you prefer we can go somewhere else. Just tell me. I think the Royal Garden is somewhere nearby. Or the little park that looks like the one we visited on Orion Six." He turned around to grab the tray but was stopped by Rose.

"No, I'm okay now. I just needed a little time that's all." She looked rapidly around. "It's just that piece has so many good memories for me. And for us."

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds before the Doctor grabbed one of the cups and gave it to her. "Your tea with two sugar and milk!" he said with a big smile, happy to show that he still remembered that.

"Thank you Doctor." She shuffled awkwardly for a moment. "Actually now I take it with only one sugar."

"Oh," he said with surprise. "Do you uh… Do you want me to change it?" He started to make a move but she backed up a few steps, almost tripping on the armchair of the sofa.

"No. No, I'm good. Don't worry!" She said with a pained smile. Now that the Doctor was starting to fully realize that Rose had really changed, the tension was now back with a vengeance.

After almost a full minute of them looking at each other in silence, becoming more restless by the second, the growing tenseness was suddenly broken by the sound of a bunch of bananas suddenly crashing down into the shelf dedicated to Martian mathematics, making them both jump a foot in the air.

They looked at each other incredulously before glancing in a same movement at the ceiling.

"Was that the TARDIS?" she asked with a mix of amusement and disbelief.

"Uh, I think so?" Said the Doctor as he took out his spec. He approached the bananas with caution and as he touched it, the light started to blink a few times. He turned around, the bananas still in his hand and smiled hard. "Yes, she's the one doing it!" He said, proudly as Rose started to crack up before joining her in the laughter.

"Well it's safe to say that we can add her to the list of people wanting us to talk," said Rose with amusement.

He sighed as he walked to the couch and dropped into the plush cushions. the bananas in one hand and his tea in the other. "Let me guess...Donna? She also talked to you?"

"No. It was Martha," she answered with a glint of humor in her eyes, realizing that even if the Martha's speech had been very serious, they had been played on both fronts. But then her smile dropped, realizing that the moment had come. "But they are right. We really need to talk."

He dropped the fruit onto the nearest surface and huffed, his whole body deflating with what about to come. "I know…"

She studied him as he drowned his tea in on go and realized that he was afraid of something. Was he afraid of her? "Are you… Are you scared of me?" she asked with a creeping apprehension. Did he see her earlier when she unleashed the Bad Wolf? Was that why he was trying so badly to stop any discussion?

He looked at her with an outraged look. "Never! What would you think that? I will never be afraid of you. Never, Rose!"

She turned her head in direction of the roof, not wanting the Doctor to see her tears. "So why aren't you looking at me? Why are you trying so bad to not talk at all?"

"That was not my intention, Rose. I'm sorry." He stood up, running his slightly shaking hands through his hair, making the strands stand in all directions. She almost smiled at the view but the pain of rejection and incertitude stopped every possibility of showing emotions. She knew it was not healthy, but at the moment it was not even on the fifteen things on the front of her mind. All she could think was of her fear over the Doctor recoiling from her. "It's all my fault, and if I could change it I would. I swear."

"What are you talking about, Doctor?" she asked gently, not really seeing where he wanted to go.

"I ruined your life, Rose, and I will forever hate myself for that sin. Without me you'd still have a normal life, your mother, Mickey. Without me you wouldn't have…" his voice broke as he looked at her with desperation. "You would not have been a soldier."

She jumped to her feet, not realizing that she had toppled her tea on herself, and in a second she was in front of him, punching him on the shoulder. "Never, ever something say something like that ever again!" She continued to advance on him, making him retreat until his back was against the wall, visibly terrified. "Don't ever say that to my face! Don't you dare think for one second I would change anything! You don't get to take that away from me!"

"But Rose…" He tried again only to be interrupted again by a raging Rose Tyler.

"No! You know what would have happened without you? I would still be stuck in a life that I hated. My mom would still be chasing a love lost decades earlier. Mickey would never have seen what he was capable of. Yes, I turned into a soldier, but I'm a good damn one at that. But you know what else?" As the Doctor shook his head no, still afraid to say anything, Rose continued, "I earned a doctorate in quantum physics! I was the head trainer for Torchwood! Plus so many things that we don't have time to list! The naive 19 year old Rose Tyler you knew was doomed to a dead end job, doomed to marry someone just because others told her that it would be the best thing for her, and ready to give up on anything outside of estate living. So don't ever say that you'd change it. You saved me in so many ways, Doctor" She finished in a whisper, her eyes clouding with the memories of despair and desperation. Nineteen and already dying without realizing, no hope or expectation, just the belief that she was destined to end on the Powell Estate with children she would not want with a man she had no choice over on a job she hated most of the time. Yes while knowing the Doctor she had suffered more that you could imagine, lost everything three times over, lived heartbreak so excruciating she had sometimes wished for it to end all but not once she had regretted it. Because she was living life the way she wanted to.

As she stepped back lost in her own thoughts, the Doctor guided her to the couch again, gently guiding her to sit down. "Oh Rose, I would never do that to you. You are entitled to your life. It's not my place to change it." He smiled at her gently, stroking her back lightly in a gesture of comfort. "I just wish I would have done some things differently. But you are right, I didn't see it from your point of view and-" He then suddenly stopped and straightened, looking at her with a stunned stare. "Wait! Did you say that you have a doctorate in quantum physics?!"

Rose blushed hard. "Well technically I have one in Pete's World. Here it's more-" But before she could finish, she was engulfed in a strong hug by an excited Doctor.

"That's brilliant! I'm so proud of you, Rose!" he shouted almost jumping off the couch in his excitement, making Rose cling to him so she wasn't thrown across the sofa by his wild gesture. "I knew you would do great things! I was so sure of it!"

The pride in his eyes after they pulled back a little was almost blinding, making her divert her eyes. "Thank you. Without you it would not have been possible." She had suddenly a wicked smile. "Well I think my mom was more proud of it than me. She even had a Zeppelin floating a banner the day I received my diploma. It was really funny."

"That's so Jackie. I'm even surprised she did not buy a spot on the TV for that." said the Doctor while smiling into her hair. Rose didn't respond, only cuddled further onto his chest. They stayed that way for a few minutes, enjoying each other's presence in silence. They knew it was only temporary, but it had been too long for either of them.

"I've missed you," Rose finally admitted in a small voice which finally broke the silence.

"Me too, Rose, me too…" He pushed back a little, just enough to see her face. "How long has it had been for you?" he asked in a gentle voice.

"A few years," Rose answered vaguely. With how he had been earlier, she had decided not to tell him everything in one go. It would be too painful for him, and he would blame himself to no end. And that was something she could not let happen. If she had to protect him from himself, then she would gladly do it without hesitation. "Martha told me it's probably been three or four years for you."

The Doctor scratched his chin absently. "Four years, one month, two weeks and three days. Approximately."

"An eternity for us," she said with humor as she habitually stretched out her legs onto his lap, making him take one of her feet and massaging it without realizing. Well things didn't change she said to herself as he was visibly thinking about something.

"An infinitude," he said with a voice so full of love and yearning, Rose gasped at the tone. He froze instantly, the implication lingering between them like a life sentence, and looked at her with wild eyes. Before she could even think about something, he was already up and occupying himself, turning his back to her "And how did you finish at UNIT?" he changed the subject as if he had not said anything just before.

Rose had two seconds of silence, still trying to wrap her head around what he had just said. She wanted to get up and confront him. She wanted to scream and cry. But she knew that even if emotions weren't running high, the feelings were still there. Probably for the rest of their life. She could not delve into those feelings without huge repercussions and now was not the time, probably never even. So she just smiled and continued like nothing happened. "Like I said before, I was trying to pinpoint the source of the destruction of the multiverse, and my hopper fried during my last jump. Without any possibility to go back to the other universe, and knowing that I could not contact you without... well unraveling the web of time… I did the only logical thing I could. Search for others, and then I found UNIT! By the way thank god for Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. Because without him and your shared history, I would have never been able to convince them that I knew you."

He sat down again, but this time on the chair opposite of the couch Rose was on. "Remind me to thank him one time," he mused with a smile before turning somber again. "But the most important thing is: what about the multiverse dying? Are you sure?"

She stood up straight, looking suddenly like the Rose he had seen earlier in battle, breaking his hearts a little more every time he saw it. "Oh, we are more than sure. Believe me. At first it was only two or three stars. And then it was ten. Then twenty disappeared until whole sections of the sky were completely black. We first through it was an issue with our atmosphere. With what happened with the cyberman it was a good possibility you know?" She shrugged. "So we sent satellites more tuned for that kind of thing. We talked to the alien community. That's when we realized that everything was dying at an alarming path. Cracks in the fabric of time were now starting to pop up randomly all around the universe so we decided to send multiple probes at first, even to try and understand what the problem was. That's when we realized that it was not just our universe, but all of them. Some we noticed too late and they were disintegrated completely, the walls so weakened that they were now only ashes and death. So we constructed a cannon to send a team to other universes to determine where the starting point was in all this."

She paused for a second remembering the long nights, the different projects fizzling on them, the pressure from concerned government officials all around the world desperate for a response and a solution. It had been an hard time for everyone. "We searched for months, until we finally found that the point of origin was right here in this universe. So my intention was to find you and solve the issue. As Mickey and I were the only ones with real links to this universe we were dispatched to different point to try to find you. But during my last jump something happened, and my hopper had burnt out beyond any possibility of repair, so I was stranded here. Trying to go back to the other universe was extremely complicated, especially with the project going back to scratch here. So I joined UNIT and waited for the right moment. My objective was to find you when I was sure to not cause a paradox or any possibilities of reapers. But you found me first," she finished with a smile.

The Doctor was severely conflicted on how he should feel after hearing her story. "Oh Rose, I don't know know what to say." He was torn between expressing just how much he was proud of her, and lecturing her about how she could have killed herself an hundred times over. That going intr-rift between universes could have killed her in an instant, or destroyed everything without realizing it. But knowing that his Rose, the Rose Tyler who never believed she could amount to anything when he had meet her, became an hero so bright and radiant that she was ready to lay down her life in an heartbeat if that mean saving the world. And not even the world, the multiverse! It made him continue to burst with pride and love for her.

Rose not realizing the predicament that the Doctor was now in, she continued like nothing was happening. "So, now you know exactly what happened, and why I have to leave you soon."

"Leave me?" he screeched, surprised by Rose's response to his disbelief. "But you just told me that you were waiting for me! That your objective was to find me and resolve everything!"

She took his hand, trying to calm him before he started to hyperventilate. "Yes, but here's the tricky thing: I don't know where or when it's supposed to happen. I've deducted that it's probably going to happen in a few months, but I'm not certain. But also, I can't leave the Earth without knowing what will happen. What I wanted to do was to tell you everything, and stay on Earth to protect it while you found what is triggering this mess." She really wanted to stay with him, continue like nothing had happened, as if she did not miss him for four decades. But it was too dangerous.

He smiled at her with hope. "You just said it yourself. You don't know what will happen, or where it will happen."

She looked at him curiously. "Yes…?"

"So why can we not search for it together? Just like old times! Shiver and Shake," he said fondly before pausing for a second. "Well with Donna and Tony too. And Martha if she wants as well. So Shiver and Shake, whizzer and chips?" He looked puzzled. "That sounds weird right?"

She stroked his hand with a sad smile. "Doctor, I can't. Like I said, I have a life and responsibilities. Others to take care of. I just can't up and leave UNIT like that."

He turned his head with a sigh to hide his disappointment. "I understand. So mmh I'm going to…" He stood up, taking the tray with him. "I'm going back to the kitchen." He started to walk out when he straightened. "You should probably change yourself." He gestured in her direction with clear discomfort. "You know with the tea and all." And then he was gone.

She looked at herself and realized that she was covered in the tea she had toppled on herself, making her clothes a little more revealing than supposed. "Oh!" she said to herself as she started to blush.

As she started to move, she was surprised by the return of the Doctor, who looked like he had just sprinted from the other side of the TARDIS.

"By the way, Rose," he started with a slow almost mischievous smile appearing on his face, "did I mention it also travels in time?"

She looked at him stunned for a second, before finally registering what he had just said. And then she could not help herself as she started to crack up like a madwoman, almost falling from the couch at the same time.

"Okay." She said, finally calming herself enough to respond. She knew she shouldn't do it and risk getting sucked back into this life when she had people depending on her back home. Everything was telling her that she should go back to Earth and forget about it. She still had that issue with Bad Wolf, her possible immortality, the stars going out, and of course her feelings for him. But at the moment all she could feel was her heart going out to him, the man in front of her, looking at her with so much hope and faith. Laying everything in front of her just in the hope that maybe, just maybe, she would say yes. How could she reject him? The Doctor, her best friend, the man who had one part of herself for years without realizing it. "Okay I'm in," she finally agreed, this time more surel about her decision.

The vulnerability surrounding him almost made her cry then and there. "Yes?" he asked, almost not believing the opportunity that he was being given.

To hell with honor and duty, Rose thought to herself. For once she could put herself first before everything. She nodded. "Yes."

He took a few steps towards her, not enough to touch her but enough to see the sincerity in her eyes. "So run?" he asked while extending his hand to her. This was it. She was either going to take his hand or completely deny him and walk away.

She took it without hesitation, smiling that special smile of her. The one she hasn't used for a long time since their separation. "Yeah run."