"So, I've been looking at different ways to create a meaningful wedding. I know, we're still sixteen months away from the ceremony, but it's never too early to start planning, right?"

Henrik looked up at Roxanna, who had come down to his ward for lunch, and gave her a small nod, indicating for her to take a seat at the table before pushing over her lunch bag. "You have a point there, Roxy. What were you thinking about doing?"

"Well, it will be October when we marry, and I really don't want to throw rice or bird seed, do you?" He shook his head. "Good. I was thinking that we could just have our reception in the church hall, then, so that we don't even have to consider that option. And we're still planning for a honeymoon in the Scottish Borders, yes?"

"Well…"

"I mean, I am planning on Freddie being here with us for the wedding, at least, and it would be nice to get away to somewhere close to home, just in case something happens?"

"I have to talk to Maja about the wedding yet, so don't get your heart set on Fredrik being with us for the honeymoon. You know how capricious she is."

Roxanna nodded a little, and he saw the flicker of sadness that passed over her face before she had that placid mask she was wearing far too much these days back in place. "All right. Oh, and I picked up another shift tonight, so I won't be home until sometime tomorrow evening. I'm sorry, but we need the money to put away for our home and wedding. Things cost so much more than I expected."

He nodded a little as he reached across the table for her hand, catching it before she could pull it away. Her smile froze as he threaded their fingers together, and he sighed as quietly as he could, letting his thumb rub against the back of her hand as he continued to look into her eyes. "Roxy…"

"Please, don't. Not here. I can't have them knowing that I'm so weak."

"You're not weak, darling. We're grieving. You know that anyone would tell you we can't put a timeline on grief, and that we can't expect things to just get back to normal. I know, I'm usually the one who has to let you in, but this time, please. Let me in."

As he continued to watch her face, her lower lip started to tremble, and she wrapped her free arm around her stomach as she seemed to fold in on herself, shrugging a little. He took this opening for all that it was worth, getting up from the table and coming over to her side, kneeling down next to her, looking up into her eyes, seeing the exact moment tears took over. Gently, he tugged her down against him, and they collapsed onto the floor as she curled into him, starting to quietly cry.

"I miss being pregnant, Henrik. I was just getting accustomed to the way my body was changing, and now it's going back to how it was, and I feel like I'll never be a mother. That the only child I'll ever hold in my arms is Freddie. Have, have you reached out to our solicitor and seen where our petition for shared custody is? He needs to be here."

"Our solicitor informed me that our petition will be taken more seriously once we've married." She stiffened in his arms, and he cut her off before she could say what he knew she was thinking. "We are not moving up the wedding for that reason. We need time to heal and plan, and adding a legal battle on top of what we're currently experiencing will not help our recovery."

"I know, I think. I just, there are so many things that I want, and they all seem to be slipping from my fingers like grains of sand. What if I lose you, too?"

That small, broken, voice told Henrik just how much she was floundering, and he cradled her closer to his chest as he bent his head to kiss the crown of her head. "You will not lose me, Roxanna. Every time we're separated, I will come back to you. Because you are my home, and I don't want to be apart from you for longer than I have to be. I will fight my way to you every time. I love you."

"I love you, too," she breathed out as she pushed away from him and got to her feet, helping him to stand as well before wrapping her arms around him in a warm embrace. "You are mine, forever and always."

"Precisely," he replied as the door to the breakroom opened, revealing Graham. He gave them an understanding look before backing out of the room, and Henrik carefully disentangled himself from Roxanna's embrace, not feeling comfortable with the very public display of affection. "Now, we should eat before we have to get back to our work. You have to take care of yourself, if we want to have another baby."

"Yes," she murmured as she sat down. Henrik stroked her arm tenderly before going over to the coffee pot and pouring them both a mug. By the time he had returned to the table, Roxanna had both their meals set out on the table, and he smiled as he took a seat across from her before pushing over a mug. "You guys make the worst coffee."

"I'm sorry that we don't have to budget for an amazing coffee maker like you do on your ward. Next time, bring coffee down with you," he teased, watching her smile a little as she tucked into her sandwich. "How is your training going?"

"It's better now that I'm able to focus a little more. There's another F1 up there with me, his name is Guy Self. He's arrogant, so arrogant, but he's really good. I think that I can learn a lot from watching him, if things go right. And he likes me."

"Oh?" Henrik asked, feeling a little flame of jealousy lick at his heart.

Roxanna chuckled as she took a bite of her sandwich. "He's already married, so you don't have to worry about competition. I'm just glad that he likes me, since it makes working on my ward that much easier." She fiddled with her sandwich box before looking up at him. "It's very much a boy's club up there, but Guy has really helped me find my way. It's nice to have someone on my side, even if he can be a bit of a jackass."

It was his turn to chuckle as he shrugged a little. "He sounds like John, to me."

"A little. Perhaps that's why I like him so much. He reminds me of the person that John could have been. I was thinking, and I know that it's probably crazy, but could we invite John to our wedding? I want to try and bury the hatchet between us all, because it still bothers me that we're so fractured, when we were so close, once."

"You can invite him, of course, but I don't know if he'll come. I haven't exactly apologized for my behavior, and I wouldn't blame him for staying away. Besides, he's probably busy at his own hospital, and I don't want to get our hopes up for something happening, you know?" She nodded and reached across the table, squeezing his hand softly before picking up her sandwich once more and devouring it.

"I do. And now I have to get back up to my ward. I really am sorry I won't be home until tomorrow evening, but such is the life of an F1, yes?"

"Yes. Though perhaps we could spend a little time in the on call room?" She giggled, and he realized just how off colour his words sounded. "No, no, not like that. You're going to have to take a break and sleep for an hour or two. We could nap together, at least."

"You just can't sleep without me," she said quietly, and he nodded. "This is why I love you so much, Henrik. And yes, you can come sleep with me for a few hours. It's kind of hard to sleep without you, too." Roxanna pushed away from the table and came over to his side, dropping a soft kiss to his cheek. "Be back here around nine, and we nap sleep a little then." He nodded and turned in his seat to watch her leave, knowing that everything wasn't right, but that as long as they stayed together, he knew they could navigate whatever life threw their way.