Fusion Cuisine – Part VI: Chilling Overnight
Disclaimer: In case you haven't figured it out yet, I don't own Little Witch Academia. All LWA-related characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of Studio Trigger and Yoh Yoshinari.
[-]
Luna Nova Academy
Two Years Ago
"And then…And then…!" Akko exclaimed in a harried voice, flopping down on top of her dorm room bed. "And then, she created this flying unicorn out of light magic…but, y'know, solid! And we rode it above the lake all night! Well, until she had to get back to prefect duties, anyway."
"Oh, that sounds so romantic!" said Lotte, stars in her eyes and hands clasped over her chest. "Your own personal white knight upon a fiery steed, taking you on a romantic flight beneath the stars!"
The sound of a heavy book slamming shut cut the love-talk short.
"Are you kidding me?" demanded Sucy, without looking up from her bed on the other side of the room. "Two years…two goddamn years she's been doing this same song-and-dance. And you've been enabling her! With all your romance novel bullshit."
Lotte Jansson was typically the most even-tempered of the trio, but thinly veiled insults levied at her Night Fall obsession were the primary exception.
"Her love is beautiful and pure! You have no business tearing it down!" she exclaimed.
The Filipina witch let out a weary sigh. "Don't get me wrong, I find this whole thing nauseating," she sneered. "But not because these disaster gays are together. Because they're not."
She slid off her bed and up to Akko's face in one, fluid motion, prodding the brunette in the chest.
"I've been sitting here on the sidelines since the first day you made queer eyes at each other, and you know what? I'm sick of it," she said sharply. "Either make the fucking move, or give up. But quit trying to have it both ways."
Akko felt her hands ball up into small fists. "Easy for you to say," she growled back. "It isn't that simple, Sucy."
"Oh, yes it is," replied the other girl, her eyes narrowed in a glare. "You like her. She likes you. You've been dragging this out for reasons that only make sense to you lunkheads. So I'm taking the decision out of your hands."
Without warning, she pulled a potion flask from the folds of her robes. The contents were a pale shade of red, and had the consistency of apple sauce.
Then, before Akko had time to react, Sucy was already uncorking the flask and forcing the potion down her throat.
It tasted absolutely vile – some bizarre mix of warm vinegar and sweaty gym socks. And unfortunately, in her panic, Akko had already swallowed every last drop.
"Oh god, what's it gonna do this time?" she half-asked, half-screamed, thrashing about in expectation of some horrible transformation. "Turn me into a lizard? Shrink me down? Make it so I can't say anything except random sound effects from 1940s cartoons?"
"No. Though that last one has promise, I'll keep it in mind," said Sucy, adopting her trademark wide-toothed, evil grin. "It's a truth potion. But not just any truth potion. I strengthened it under the light of the blood moon. Now, it'll force you to go up to everyone you know, and tell them the truth you least want them to hear."
Akko's face blanched until it was approximately the shade of an eggshell.
"Sucy, this is too far. Even for you!" Lotte chastised her roommate. "Give her the antidote, right now!"
But Sucy just snickered again. "No antidote. Don't worry, though – it's very fast-acting. Should flush through your system in about two hours," she told Akko. "Oh, I can see your pupils dilating. That means it's taking effect."
Akko stood there for a moment, her mouth gaping like a fish. Then, like her feet were possessed by some unknown force, she pivoted in place toward her bespectacled best friend.
"Lotte-I'm-sorry-but-when-I-said-I-was-finally-gonna-read-Night-Fall-I-only-made-it-two-pages-in-before-getting-bored-so-I-asked-Conz-to-look-up-a-summary-on-the-internet!" she felt the words tumble out of her mouth, all in one breath.
The Finnish girl did her best to keep her smile from faltering, but Akko could tell she felt hurt. Not that she had time to stammer any more apologies, because there was another person in the room, and the potion compelled her to offer its creator a truth as well.
"Sucy-when-I-went-inside-your-head-I-kinda-sorta-didn't-have-a-choice-so-I-tried-to-feed-you-the-wakeup-potion-mouth-to-mouth!" she said, her voice coming out in a strained squeal.
The purple-haired girl's smile immediately vanished. "What?" she asked dangerously.
Akko hoped that that'd be the end of it, but it seemed that when a follow-up question was asked, the magic of the potion triggered all over again.
That was the only explanation for why her treacherous voice swiftly added, "Don't-get-me-wrong-it-wasn't-cuz-I-was-trying-to-make-a-move-or-anything-I-mean-sure-I-do-think-you're-really-pretty-in-your-own-way-but-I-respect-that-you're-ace-and-I-just-can't-see-a-relationship-ever-working-out-anyway…"
"I…may have miscalculated on this one," muttered Sucy, for whom it couldn't be more obvious that she really didn't want to hear that last part. "Fortunately, that's easily corrected."
Her method of "correction" turned out to be handing Akko her broom, and then quite literally kicking her out of their dorm room window.
"Say hi to Diana for us!" Sucy called out as she fell. "Or whatever else happens to come to mind…hee hee hee."
Yes, she actually said "hee hee hee."
Akko, meanwhile, flailed about uselessly in the air, careening down the side of Luna Nova at alarming speed. Before belatedly realizing that she was a witch and, while still maybe not the best in her year, no longer totally useless.
"T…T…Tia Freyre!" she shouted, holding onto her broom for dear life and praying her recent run of success in flying class wasn't a fluke.
Thankfully, the magic kicked in just in time, allowing Akko to avoid a rather unfortunate encounter with the ground. She rode an updraft of wind, letting it carry her high into the sky.
"This is perfect!" she said jubilantly. Her chest always felt lighter these days when she was in the air. "I just have to stay up here and wait out that stupid potion!"
She was so caught up in celebrating her own cleverness that she didn't see the danger until it was too late. Casually surveying the grounds below, she recognized her classmate Marianne, sitting beneath a tree and sorting through what looked like a pile of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
The anime-obsessed girl was nice enough, and Akko often appreciated having another girl on campus to talk all things otaku with. But if she was being honest, Akko did find Marianne's habit of sprinkling poorly pronounced Japanese into nearly all her sentences to be a little cringey…
And with that stray thought, she found her broomstick tipping forward, drawing her rapidly and inescapably to the ground.
"No, no, no no no no nooooo…!" she whispered to herself, terror rising in her chest. "Don't make me say that to her. Please don't make me say that to her…!"
It did.
And that wasn't where the potion stopped. Every single time she recognized a friend or even acquaintance, she was powerless to stop her body from veering directly toward that person, and spilling out whatever embarrassing or hurtful truth happened to pop into her head.
She told Amanda that the t-shirt they were brazenly wearing over their uniform, featuring a rather…adult illustration of Rouge the Bat and the words "FOLLOW ME, SET ME FREE, TRUST ME YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FROM THESE TIDDIES" was unfunny, inappropriate, and somewhat childhood-ruining.
She told Constanze that she was honestly pretty disturbed at the ease with which she obtained semiautomatic weapons, and her willingness to brandish them at the drop of a hat.
She told Jasminka that the borsch she served the other day was "only sorta okay," an insult so egregious it was likely to spark the beginnings of a new Cold War.
Running into Professor Finnelan halfway through the afternoon turned out to be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, Akko had so many "truths" she didn't want to tell the stern woman that she managed to run down most of the two-hour clock, all on her own.
On the other hand, there was a good chance Akko would have detention every day until graduation.
"Never in my life have I heard such a range of filth! I've always known you have no respect for tradition or authority, but to speak to a teacher so obscenely!" yelled the old woman. "Get out of my office, Miss Kagari! And stay out!"
Akko jumped as Finnelan slammed the door with enough force to kill a man. But just before she did, the brunette caught a glimpse of a clock on her wall.
2:55. If Sucy's words were to be trusted (admittedly, not always a safe assumption), then there were just five minutes left until the potion wore off. She was about to make it!
She twirled on her heels, leapt into the air with an enthusiastic "Yay!" and a pumped fist, and then proceeded to run straight into another person.
"Ouch…sorry, sorry! That was my bad," she said, wincing. Before the last voice she wanted to hear right now rang through the air.
"Are you alright, Akko?" asked Diana Cavendish, reaching down with her immaculately trimmed fingers to help the Japanese girl to her feet.
"Ah…uh…buh…guh…" Akko sputtered, trying and failing to keep her mouth from making any noise. Especially as Diana's hand closed around hers, and brought their bodies closer and closer together.
But there was no helping it. In this situation, there was only one "truth" she could think of uttering. And trying to avoid it only made things worse. It was like ordering herself not to think of pink elephants.
I love you, her inner voice declared. I wanna hug you and kiss you and be your wife until the day we die. Nothing in this world could make me happier than hearing that you'll be mine.
To her absolute horror, she felt her lips open up, ready to speak those very same words aloud.
Only for them to close again with an exaggerated zipper sound, at the wave of Diana's glowing wand.
"Lotte informed me of your…tribulations, as a result of Sucy's mischief. That girl, I swear," said the blonde. "This spell will keep you from speaking until the potion has run its course. A bit embarrassing, I know, but better than the alternative."
Akko couldn't respond, of course, but she made what she hoped was a grateful-looking series of nods.
"No one should be forced to divulge anything they aren't comfortable sharing," Diana continued, placing a comforting hand on Akko's shoulder. Said shoulder suddenly felt like it was on fire. "I've heard some of the other 'truths' you were compelled to reveal to the others, and I admit I was a bit…curious. But it sounds like you've been through more than enough for one day."
Completely independent from the potion's effect, Akko felt the uncontrollable urge to seize her friend in a tight embrace.
Wondering, offhandedly, if perhaps sharing her feelings via the potion would've been the worst thing in the world.
At least that way, she would've had something other than her own cowardice to blame.
[-]
Masato Takeuchi certainly wasn't what Diana had been expecting.
Based on the things she'd heard from the locals, as well as Andrew's research, she'd been expecting a typical Japanese salaryman. And while he wasn't entirely divorced from that image, there were a number of things that just seemed…off.
Maybe it was the fact that he moved with a slight limp, despite no apparent injury or assistive device. Maybe it was the small but noticeable scar he had above his left eye, looking as if he'd once been slashed across the face. Maybe it was the way he was able to direct his two associates without even speaking, like giving orders was scarcely second-nature.
All in all, it gave her the sense that this was a man who was not used to being crossed. Not without severe consequences.
"Afraid we aren't offering takeout right now, either," said Taichi gruffly. "So it's probably best if you just leave."
"My, what abysmal customer service. I certainly hope you're going to write him up for that," replied Takeuchi, his lip curling. "Besides, I'm here for information, not dinner."
With a single, confident stride, he pushed past the two waiters and stopped directly in front of Akko. He wasn't especially tall for a Japanese man, but still towered over her.
"Correct me if I'm mistaken," he added in a lower voice. "But I believe I have the pleasure of addressing the new owner?"
"Temporary," spoke Akko, stressing the word. "Just until my parents are back to full health. I'm Atsuko Kagari."
It was the first time Diana could remember her not asking to be addressed as "Akko."
"And I am the co-manager and head chef, Diana Cavendish," she said, stepping forward and offering her hand. It wasn't the first time her professional connections would require her to shake hands with slime, and it likely wouldn't be the last. "It is a pleasure."
She had ample experience speaking that particular lie through gritted teeth.
Takeuchi looked at her open palm like it was a vaguely curious trinket, before ultimately accepting the handshake. His grip was surprisingly strong.
"Cavendish, huh?" he murmured. "Don't suppose there's a relation to Daryl Cavendish?"
Diana's blood briefly turned to ice. "How do you know my aunt?" she asked, keeping her tones deliberately neutral.
For a moment, she thought she might've seen a brief flash of something in the older man's eyes. Like he realized he'd said a little too much.
But if so, it passed quickly. His ever-smug grin returned in full force, as he pulled his hand away from Diana's at last.
"Just passing acquaintances," he said belatedly, in a voice that made it clear that was nowhere near the full answer. He knew he wasn't fooling Diana, so it must've been meant as a deliberate taunt. "In any event, I'm glad to see Kagari's is in such good hands. Broke my heart to hear what happened to Junya and Rio, truly it did."
Diana knew enough about Japanese societal niceties at this point to recognize the impropriety of him using their first names.
"But of course, you're both so young. And this is a hard industry! Especially these days," he continued, his smile widening – though it never quite reached his eyes. "That's why I'd like to extend my hand in partnership. If there's anything at all you ladies might need…please don't hesitate to call your dear Uncle Masato."
"Now when you say 'partnership'…" muttered a frowning Diana.
"Well I certainly wouldn't want to impose, or place any undue pressure," Takeuchi interjected. "But with one little signature and stamp, I'd be happy to take this burden off your hands. Bring in some professionals of my own who can make sure everything's up to snuff. My line of work has happened to associate me with many talented chefs."
"Yeah right! You'll probably just gut it for parts!" exclaimed an irate Kenichi.
The businessman's smile disappeared, and he gave a wordless signal to one of his goons, who cracked his knuckles threateningly.
"Quiet down there. The adults are talking," he said tersely. "You must see that this is in the best interests of all parties. If this became my investment, then of course I'd have strong incentive to make it as profitable as possible. Which, yes…in the long term, may not take the form of an antiquated Japanese eatery."
"Antiquated?" Akko repeated, her hands balled into fists. "You've got a lotta nerve, coming in here and saying something like that!"
"I'm simply acknowledging reality. Inflation is skyrocketing, supply chain issues aren't going away anytime soon, and the pandemic is still hanging over people's heads," responded Takeuchi, shrugging both shoulders. Upon him bringing up the topic, Diana belatedly realized he had both of his men in facemasks, while wearing none himself – a clear indication of where his priorities lay. "This is not a time for amateurs to try their hands at such a high-risk profession as food service. Even many experienced restaurateurs have been forced to shutter their doors in recent months."
Admittedly, compared to his previous points, he wasn't entirely wrong there. But his intentions were so nakedly self-serving that it was hard to give him much credit.
"Mama and papa weren't gonna sell to you, and neither will we. That's final," said Akko sharply.
Takeuchi seemed remarkably unperturbed by her blunt refusal. In fact, he was no longer looking at any of them, but instead consulting something on his smartwatch.
"Well of course, that's your right," he stated coolly. "You know, I heard such wonderful things about your…bewitching performance today, little Atsuko-chan. I hope you'll be able to keep that up."
"And why would you bring up that subject?" asked Diana, seeing the fire in Akko's eyes and hastily trying to preempt it. Unleashing magic on this man might've been tempting, but they didn't want to give him any more opportunities for leverage.
"I've always had a certain admiration for magic. Ever since I was a boy," Takeuchi told them, fingers running briefly over the scar on his face as he did. "Imagine my surprise when I learned we had two witches from the esteemed Luna Nova Academy, gracing our humble corner of Tokyo!"
"Three," Jasminka spoke up for the first time since their arrival. She had her usual bag of chips in her hand, but was not eating them, her mouth a very thin line.
Takeuchi bowed his head forward, exposing a small bald spot toward the back of his green hair.
"My mistake," he said, in tones that made it clear to Diana that he was going to run a full background check on Jasminka as soon as they were through. "Regardless, I wish you all the best of luck. But if you girls ever change your mind…well, you know where to find me."
As he turned to leave, he casually and deliberately allowed a small object to fall from his breast pocket. Diana picked it up automatically, finding a plain, neatly typed business card.
"I truly hope we can all become good friends and neighbors," were his parting words, waving for his men to follow. "You'll find I'm the type of person you want on your side."
[-]
"Oh my god that jerk made me wanna hex him into a giant green weasel!" exclaimed Akko, pacing frantically down the aisles of the restaurant.
"Unless I'm very much mistaken, you never actually learned to cast Metamorphosis Magic on anyone but yourself, correct?" asked Diana, one eyebrow raised.
"Well yeah, but that's beside the point," said Akko, pulling anxiously at the folds of her cheeks. "It's the principle of the thing!"
It was about an hour after Masato Takeuchi and his henchmen had left the restaurant. Kenichi and Taichi had gone home after their shifts, and Jasminka – though she wished she could stay to catch up – needed to help her family with some errands. While the rotund woman's Japanese wasn't the best, it was apparently significantly better than her parents', so they relied on her a great deal.
Akko had spent basically that whole time bottling these feelings inside, assisting with the clean-up and closing. But now that she was alone with Diana, everything was spilling out.
"I can't stand people like him. People that think, just cuz they've got loads of power or money or whatever, that they can just…walk all over us!" she declared, grinding her teeth. "Did you see the way he talked to us? Like we were little kids!"
"I'm certainly no stranger to being patronized by older men. I attend medical school, as you may recall," said a frowning Diana. "Be that as it may, we cannot allow him to get under our skin. That's precisely what he wants."
The Japanese woman let out a sigh. "You're right, I know," she murmured. "What was with that stuff at the end, though? Talking about our magic?"
"Presumably, he heard about your performances the same way our customers did. Though the fact that he knew I was a Luna Nova alumnus as well is more than a bit…concerning," Diana answered. "In any event, our presence here has no doubt thrown a wrench into whatever plans he has for the shopping district. Clearly, his purpose today was to assess us, and determine if we pose any threat."
Akko pursed her lips and breathed out, "And…do we?"
"Hard to say. We'll simply have to continue serving customers, and hope we turn enough of a profit to keep Takeuchi Holdings at bay," said the blonde. "There's one thing he mentioned that concerns me above the rest, however. When he…"
"Name-dropped your aunt?" Akko finished for her.
Diana nodded once. "I've been wracking my brain for the past hour, but I simply can't make heads or tails of it," she told the other woman. "Where would Daryl have run into a shady Japanese land developer?"
"Horrible cologne convention?" guessed Akko, only half-jokingly. "I swear, every time he got near me, I felt like gagging."
"It's something I think I shall need to look into further," spoke Diana, her fingers folding over themselves. "But let us worry about that – about him – later. Until our next shift in the morning, we have a brief opportunity for respite, and I think we should take advantage of it."
Akko immediately felt her cheeks burn hot, for which she internally beat her hindbrain into submission. Why did it have to turn everything as dirty as possible?
So instead she said, "Did you have anything in mind?"
The light, lilting way that Diana chuckled at that did little to help the problem of Akko's pounding heart.
"Are you actually asking me for ideas on recreational activities?" she asked pointedly. "The most I get up to most evenings is staying up late with a good book. I was truly hoping that you would have some suggestions. Anything you want is fine."
Akko sat there for several moments, silently thinking. Then, slowly, her embarrassed expression was replaced by a wide grin.
"You're really up for anything?" she muttered back. "You sure about that?"
Diana's face, meanwhile, had experienced a journey in the opposite direction. As Akko's expression grew brighter and more gleeful, hers fell like a stone.
"W…Within reason, of course," she stammered, making a great production of smoothing out her already creaseless skirt. "And I should warn you, I don't much care for the imbibing of alcohol. I tried sake once after moving here, and it was…not my proudest experience."
Well Akko needed to get that story out of her someday. But that could wait. In the meantime…
She grasped one of the British woman's hands within her own, forced her brain to ignore her still-throbbing chest, and pulled them both to their feet.
"Akko, where are you taking me," said Diana, her words less of a question and more a panicked plea. "Akko, please offer an answer."
"To the only place a couple of gals like us should be this time of night," the brunette shot back with a wink.
[-]
"Kawashita yakusoku wasurenai yo. Me wo toji tashikameru. Oshiyoseta yami furiharatte susumu yoooooooooo~!"
Diana blinked several times as, once more, she watched Akko belt out peppy J-pop songs with all her heart.
Except this time, sitting in a cramped booth at a karaoke bar, it was to an audience of one.
"You're aware that I am familiar with absolutely none of these songs, correct?" she asked, once Akko was done delivering a mock-bow to the machine that'd just scored her STUPENDOUS.
"You've never seen Madoka? C'mon, it's a classic!" said Akko. "I've been giving you a greatest hits of anisongs all night! 'Cruel Angel's Thesis' and 'Sorairo Days' and 'Brave Shine' and 'Gurenge'…"
"Akko, I implore you not to take offense to this," Diana told the other woman, her tones cool and neutral. "But I have literally never watched a single episode of anime in my life."
The brunette clutched her hands to her chest in mock-affront. "Well I know what we're doing next time we hang out!" she declared dramatically. "In the meantime, though, you gotta sing something! They have English songs on here too."
Diana grimaced, attempting to suppress a shudder. "That…That's alright," she mumbled. "Even if I am unfamiliar with the source material, I've been greatly enjoying your performances all evening. No need to stop on my account."
"Except half the fun of karaoke is getting to cheer each other on!" Akko attempted to argue back. "Pleeeeeeease, Diana? I wanna hear your singing voice! Plus, uh…I kinda blew my voice out on 'Guren no Yumiya,' so I could use the break."
The medical student fidgeted with the folds of her blouse, trying to figure a way out of this. Ultimately, she couldn't come up with one.
"Very well…pass the microphone, if you must insist," she said with a sigh. "With any luck, I'll find something short so we can get this over with quickly."
Unfortunately, even after Akko showed her how to navigate to the English section, Diana remained utterly lost in the menu. She knew about as little about modern "popular" music as she did technology. Her preferences in that realm tended toward the classical, which usually lacked vocals, or the operatic – and if there was one thing she was never going to do in front of Akko, it was butcher opera.
"I apologize, Akko. This just…isn't an area where my knowledge even approaches baseline competence," Diana admitted, chewing on her lip as she did. "I know I may be letting you down, but it's probably best for both of us if we just…"
But as she made to pass the machine back to Akko, her thumb accidentally pressed the "SHUFFLE" button on the touchscreen.
"Well, let's see what the fates have decreed!" said a grinning Akko, taking to this development with evident glee. "It's…from some musical, I think?"
Diana had seen a decent bit of live theater in her day – oh, the wonders of high society – but the title that displayed on the screen wasn't one she was familiar with.
Having no clue what key or tone she should be in, she started reading off nervously, "There, right there? Look at that tan, well-tended…skin? Look at the…oh dear, killer shape he's in? Look at that…my god, Akko, I can't do this. This song is obscene!"
But it was clearly programmed as a duet, and it seemed the Japanese woman was unable to defy the instincts that caused her to pick up the second microphone and rattle off, "I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate, a totally straight…wait, what's that word?"
"Expatriate," Diana answered automatically, no longer even trying to keep up with the lyrics. "It means someone who emigrated from another nation."
The lyrics continued to scroll by, too fast for either of them to jump back in. But Akko snorted as the next few stanzas passed, and they entered what seemed to be the bridge.
"Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee," she made a valiant attempt to jump back in. "Is he gay or European? Well, hey, don't look at meeeee~!"
She stopped at that point as she descended into a fit of very childish giggling.
"And what, pray tell, is so amusing?" asked Diana, her brow scrunched up in confusion as the song continued in the background. "I'm afraid I fail to see it."
("Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks! They both say things like 'Ciao bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks!")
"Well, I mean…it's just that…" said Akko through wheezing laughter. "Out of all the thousands of songs in this thing, you randomly got this one. When you're both gay, and European!"
Diana sat there for a moment, unsure how to respond to that.
But eventually, as the lyrics scrolling before them grew more and more ridiculous ("….is automatically, radically/ironically, chronically/certainly, wertaintly/genetically, medically/gay, officially gay! Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay…dammit!"), she found she could no longer keep a straight face.
The battle lost, Diana joined Akko in her hellpit of chuckles.
"I believe we may need to see this musical," she sighed in mock-lament. "After, of course, you regale me with only the finest selections of your Japanese animation."
("But they bring their boys up different there, it's culturally diverse! It's not a fashion curse, if he wears a kilt or bears a purse!")
"For real? Cuz I'm holding you to that!" Akko cried out, now actively trying and failing to hold back further laughter. "I gotta pick this carefully, then…find something that fits in with your hoity-toity tastes. Maybe…oh, got it! Violet Evergarden. You'll be bawling your eyes out by episode three, no question!"
"In return, however…" said Diana, her grin now matching her companion's in both width and devilishness. "I insist you join me for something appropriately 'hoity-toity' one of these days. A ballet performance, perhaps?"
("Gay or European? So many shades of gray! But if he turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday!")
"You think that scares me? I've seen Princess Tutu like five times! And the last time, I only cried for twenty minutes!" Akko replied playfully, blowing a raspberry at her once-rival.
Diana made a great show of rolling her eyes.
"Is everything seen through the lens of anime with you?" she asked.
("Wait a minute. Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try.")
"Let me put it this way. I've been sincerely looking up how to get into golf because they ran a lesbian mafia golf anime last season. And no, I did not exaggerate any of those words," Akko stated, deadpan. "Besides, anime takes up only one of my brain cells! The other two are devoted to magic, of course, and…umm…"
The Japanese woman's voice suddenly cut off, her face becoming rather red. Even redder than it previously was, because while Diana had been abstaining from alcohol all evening, Akko most certainly had not.
She coughed into her hand, swaying a bit in her seat, before eventually finishing, "Uh…the restaurant. Obviously."
("You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it, I no cover for you no more! Peoples, I have a big announcement!")
Diana was hardly the most perceptive woman in the world, to put it mildly. But she was fairly certain that wasn't how Akko had originally intended to end that sentence.
Still, she was in far too good a mood to call her on it. Instead, she helped Akko to take a few big gulps of water, while also surreptitiously removing the remainder of her beer.
"I think it may be time to call it a night, Akko," she said. "But…thank you for this. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun."
"N…Neither…" murmured Akko, slurring her words a bit but smiling broadly. "Neither can I, Diana."
("So if I may, I'm proud to say. He's gay…and European! He's gay…and European! He's gay…and European and gay!")
"Let me drive you home," Diana whispered back, smiling fondly as she helped Akko to her feet. And, unable to help herself, using the opportunity to brush a stray lock of hair away from her beautiful eyes. "And then I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."
("Fine, okay, I'm gay! Hooray!")
It wasn't until much later, when Diana's head hit her pillow, that she realized she'd just experienced an entire night of fun and frivolity with Akko, without letting her stupid brain get in the way.
[-]
Every time Akko woke up with a hangover, it was with a sincere promise to her future self that this would be the last time she drank to excess.
The fact that this cycle had repeated itself several dozen times now told her how seriously her past self took those promises.
"Ooof. Compromise, at least no more doing this on freaking Mondays," she said to herself.
Her blaring alarm was pounding into her brain like a hammer, but as tempting as it might be to hit the snooze button, she knew she could not. They needed to keep up the momentum from yesterday, or all their hard work would be for nothing.
Thankfully, for her body at least, the best cure for a hangover was simply to keep busy. And there'd be no shortage of opportunities for that.
Indeed, apart from her intermittent, throbbing headache, the second day went fairly similar to the first. Akko waited personally on dozens of tables, and oversaw things for a hundred more, doing her best to keep the front of the house running as smoothly as possible.
And naturally, that job description now included her little "mini-performances." It wasn't something they were advertising on the door or their website, and yet it seemed like just about every customer was now coming in with the expectation of dinner and a show.
(Well, lunch and a show, more accurately.)
Most of her tricks were, fortunately, simple enough that her impaired balance didn't affect them too badly. She'd tried flying and Metamorphosis Magic while hungover before, and it never ended well, but these tight quarters made both somewhat impractical so it was a moot point.
But she could do illusions and light shows with her eyes closed – and often did! – which were usually what these crowds most wanted anyway. And Akko, in turn, fed easily off their obvious enthusiasm.
She really vibed with the…intimacy of this setting. Getting to be only a few meters away from her audience, watching their eyes light up with the wonders of magic in real time.
Indeed, there was one thought that kept recurring to her throughout the day. One she deliberately pushed down every time, and yet couldn't manage to dismiss completely.
That it was going to be hard to go back to her "regular" shows after this.
But there'd be time to worry about that sort of thing later. For now, she still had customers to attend to.
All in all, despite the occasional delayed order or less-than-reasonable diner, the rest of the day proceeded quite well. Diana and Jasminka were getting more and more adept at running the kitchen by the hour. And Kenichi and Taichi remained steadfast, diligent workers, even if the latter's smile couldn't look more plastered-on and fake if he tried.
Until halfway into the afternoon, when all their progress came grinding to a halt.
The culprits were none other than Takeuchi's pet goons. They'd changed their sunglasses for hats and their tailored suits for bulging muscle shirts, but it was unmistakably the same pair of men.
And they'd brought friends.
A dozen other men of similar build descended on the restaurant at once, hogging the tables closest to the kitchen. Each rumbled out identical orders when asked: a draft beer and hamburg steak.
Each was also, without exception, among the most obnoxious customers Akko had ever served in her life.
They talked incredibly loudly, either to each other or on their phones. They slammed down their beer mugs, hard enough to shake both their table and all the neighbors', whenever they wanted a refill. They burped and farted and chewed with their mouths open, and generally made it miserable to be in the same room with them.
And so, of course, many people didn't. A large number of fellow customers began to ask for their bills early, or simply left without ordering a few minutes after sitting down.
Compounding the issue, Takeuchi's goons all ate ridiculously slowly. And whenever one finished with their current plate, they'd order another right away. Always from among the cheapest items on the menu.
Of course, Akko made multiple attempts to encourage the men to be less…awful. But while it wouldn't have been too hard to eject a single rude customer, there wasn't much they could do about fourteen, spread across eight tables.
Especially when most of them looked like they could bench-press a truck.
Added all together, the presence of these men – all the way up until closing – drove the restaurant's business into a nosedive. And Akko's blood chilled at what one of them said to her on the way out.
"Thanks for the meal, girlie! See you tomorrow. Big boss says it's all on him."
[-]
Unfortunately, those parting words proved to be more than talk.
Across the rest of the week, the henchmen arrived like clockwork, cycling through what seemed like an endless supply of identical hulking brutes. And every day, they seemed to find new and innovative ways to be as annoying as possible.
They removed their shoes and kicked their smelly feet onto the table. They propped up tablets and watched soccer games at an unseemly volume. One even went so far as to bring a sword to lunch with him – it was (hopefully) fake, but Akko couldn't really blame people for giving him a wide berth.
After a couple days of this, and after exhausting their entire capacity for asking nicely, a fed-up Diana had called the police. But the response from the officer who arrived on the scene, in Akko's not-so-humble opinion, left something to be desired.
"Sorry, young ladies. But being rude in a restaurant isn't illegal," he said, shrugging both shoulders. "This is out of my hands."
"It's not the rudeness that's the problem," Diana told him, visibly fighting to keep her voice controlled and level. "This is a sustained, targeted pattern of harassment. Intended to sabotage our business and lower our property values."
"Plus, if they won't leave when we tell them to, isn't that like…trespassing, or whatever?!" exclaimed Akko, not even bothering with the same.
The officer blinked, his eyes growing distant for a moment.
Then, as if he hadn't heard anything they said, he stood up and declared, "You have my apologies. But this is something you'll need to sort out on your own."
Naturally, that worked out about as well as could be expected.
Emboldened by their continued success, the parade of flunkies only grew more brazen in their mischief. By the time Friday rolled around, they were taking up more than half the seats in the restaurant at any given time – and the other half were frequently going empty. With enough guys left over to station two at the entrance, silently intimidating anyone who might think about going inside.
They continuously sent back Diana's food, making up such-and-such excuse to force her to make it again. Complained about real or imagined service slights, demanding comped meals at every opportunity. All the while posting nasty reviews on social media from their phones.
(Let it never be said that these weren't tech-savvy thugs.)
Even Akko's performances became hellish experiences with these jerks in her audience. They heckled her constantly, wasting precious seconds out of the single minute she got from each use of her wand. When she did one of her best tricks, projecting the night sky onto the restaurant's ceiling and sending down a rain of illusory shooting stars, one of them actually pretended to start snoring.
By the end of the week, all five members of the Kagari's staff were exhausted, worn-out, and irritable. Certainly, there hadn't been any celebratory karaoke nights past that first day.
"It pains me to say it, but I think we shall need to close over the weekend," said Diana as they closed up on Friday. "Step back, take stock of our current situation, and…restrategize."
Taichi looked up from the pool of "accidentally" spilt beer he was mopping up. "Only 'strategy' I'm interested in is the one where I punch these bastards in the face," he snapped back.
"C'mon, Taikkun. You know that's just what they want, right?" asked Kenichi, although even his ever-present cheer had been sapped away by the week they'd just gone through. "We retaliate, and then we look like the bad guys."
"Either we spend all our time fighting off Takeuchi's goon squad, or we try to ignore them, and wind up losing all our business anyway," added Akko, groaning into her hands as she buried her face in them. "No matter what we do, he wins."
Jasminka's face offered a rare frown, as she slowly shook her head back and forth. "And the week started off so well," she lamented.
"I know it doesn't look like there's much to hope for at this time," spoke Diana, biting her lip. "But this should just be a temporary setback. One way or another, we'll find a way to push past this. Together."
"And if we don't?" said Taichi, his scowl deepening.
Akko watched the blonde witch sit there in silence for several moments, contemplating something.
Until finally, she answered, "Then…there's something I need to look into."
[-]
"Aunt Daryl, are you certain the name doesn't ring any bells?" Diana demanded, peering deeply into her crystal ball.
She'd been trying to reach her aunt all week, but a combination of the time difference and Daryl's aversion to technology – which eclipsed even her own – had made getting in touch difficult.
Much as Diana didn't much care for telephones, she had to admit they were a lot more convenient than crystal balls, which only seemed to work when they felt like it.
The face within the crystal rolled her mascara-caked eyes. "My answer hasn't changed from when you asked two minutes ago," she said. "What reason could I possibly have to associate with some riffraff from the backstreets of Tokyo?"
"And yet, he clearly knew you by name," Diana pointed out. "And he was definitely hiding something on the subject."
Daryl leaned back, partially out of the crystal's narrow frame, but Diana got a clear image of her bare shoulders shrugging indifferently.
"I'm an important person in certain circles. There's no helping that," replied the older woman, in what she probably assumed was a humble tone. "Now, enough of this nonsense. Let's talk about something that actually matters."
Diana grimaced. She knew exactly where this was going, and it was the reason she'd put off reaching out to her aunt until it was absolutely necessary.
"Your university informed me of your little 'leave of absence,' Diana," Daryl continued, oblivious to her niece's discomfort. "I already had my misgivings when you said you wanted to study at a non-magical school, but you assured me this was your best way of honoring Bernadette's wishes. But if you aren't pursuing your medical studies anymore, then what are you even doing on the other side of the world?"
"The leave is only temporary, Aunt Daryl," said Diana, once again struggling to keep her breathing and voice under control. "And in any event, there was a matter that needed my immediate attention."
"Something more important than your duties as a witch of House Cavendish?" asked Daryl through pursed lips. "I'd certainly like to hear what that might be."
Diana's frown deepened, debating internally whether it'd even be worth it to try and explain. There was little-to-no chance of her aunt understanding her reasoning.
Finally, she murmured, "Do you remember Atsuko Kagari?"
Daryl wrinkled her nose, like she'd just smelt something rancid. Her lips widened just enough to utter the word, "Unfortunately."
"I know what you think of her. Of all witches without a protracted lineage. So you can save it," said Diana, her voice growing more strident with each word. "The important thing is that she needed my help. And whatever you may believe…I know that if she were in my position, mother would aid her in a heartbeat."
Her aunt didn't speak for several moments, an unreadable expression on her painted face.
Then she whispered, "How much longer will this 'matter' take?"
"Until the work is done," Diana answered, tapping her wand to the crystal ball's surface. "Goodbye, Aunt Daryl."
As the light in the crystal dimmed and faded, she was already pulling out her cell phone and dialing an increasingly familiar number.
Calling the person she should've asked in the first place.
[-]
"You really don't have anyone else with whom you can discuss this?"
"Andrew, I'm not in the mood," said Diana. "I just finished speaking with my aunt."
"…Ah. Say no more. Well, you've fortunately caught me in a brief window between major projects. Is this about the same thing we discussed last time?"
"Yes and no," she responded to the civil servant, grateful for his understanding. "Now my query is a little more specific. I need to know what the connection is between Masato Takeuchi…and Daryl Cavendish."
There was a brief pause on the other end of the line.
"Well, that explains why you'd be reaching out to your least-favorite person in the world. I assume she didn't have any useful answers."
"She claimed ignorance. And I don't believe she was lying," Diana told him. "However they might've encountered one another, Daryl sincerely does not remember. Perhaps a high society event where they met in passing, or a business deal…"
"Or an auction."
Diana raised an eyebrow and said, "Excuse me?"
"Once I had both names, it took me five seconds of searching. Seems that in addition to private sales to people like my father, your aunt ran a series of auctions in London in late 2016. All heirlooms and artifacts from the Cavendish estate."
The blonde felt her blood start to boil at the reminder, but tried to keep it out of her voice as she asked, "And I'm guessing that means Takeuchi bid on something?"
"Many somethings. I think he bid on just about every lot up for sale that night. Makes it somewhat difficult to parse through the records, so give me a moment."
Diana fell silent as requested, though internally her mind was whirring. There were a large number of Cavendish family heirlooms that could be quite dangerous in the hands of non-magical persons – particularly one as odious as Takeuchi. It was part of why she'd been so infuriated by Daryl's callous treatment of the items.
What if he'd gotten his hands on the Pupil of Wotan? The Firebird Doorway? The Liber Carminum? Or even…
"Alright, I think I found it. Looks like despite his reckless bidding spree, Takeuchi only managed to bring home one item. And the name of it…"
Diana waited with bated breath, clutching the phone as close to her ear as possible.
"Lot #16. Does the word 'Somnarca' mean anything to you?"
The phone tumbled from her grip, landing with a hard crash on the floor below.
Andrew Hanbridge's voice, now far more harried, echoed from its cracked speaker.
"Diana? Diana, are you still there?"
But the British woman snapped up the phone without answering, hanging up almost unconsciously. Her feet were already stumbling out of her apartment, taking the steps two at a time as she rushed toward street level.
"Akko…" she said under her breath, trying and failing to stem back the feelings of blind panic. "Please be alright…"
[-]
At that same time, Atsuko Kagari was sitting in the dark in the middle of her family's restaurant, her chin pressed against the surface of a table.
She hadn't been able to muster the energy to go home, despite closing over two hours ago. Every time she tried, it was as if all the awful things they'd gone through over the past week were pressing down on her like a physical weight.
More than anything else, she felt guilty. She was the one who'd dragged Diana and Jasminka into this mess. And now, she hadn't the slightest clue what to do to get them out.
Right now, she was the manager, after all. At least on paper.
In practice, the very idea seemed laughable. How could Akko, a girl who could barely get her own shit together, expect to lead a whole team? Turn around the fortunes of a restaurant that'd been circling the drain for years?
She hadn't even shared the latest news with her parents, unable to bear their looks of disappointment. They'd been counting on her, and like always, she'd let them down.
Her sole hopes lay with Diana. That somehow, someway, the woman she'd been in love with for five years would pull off a miracle.
But it wasn't fair to place that entire burden on Diana's shoulders. Wasn't that how she'd managed to inflict so much pain on the wonderful woman already?
Akko needed to find a way to pull her own weight. She had to.
Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest as she heard the sound of the front door opening. Had Diana returned for some reason? She was sure she'd already locked up, and Diana was the only other person with the key…
But instead, as the lights flicked on in the dining area, she found herself face-to-face with Masato Takeuchi. For the moment, unflanked by his usual cronies.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded, not in the mood to bother with any niceties.
However, it seemed the enmity wasn't mutual. The older man settled into the seat opposite hers, grinning like they were old friends.
"It just seemed like you could use some company, my dear," he said, reaching into his jacket pocket for something. "Here's something that might give you a nice pick-me-up."
Without waiting for her reply, Takeuchi placed an object on the table between them.
It appeared to be an ornate, bejeweled chest, small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. It was also clearly very old, reminding Akko of some of the artifacts she'd found while (not always entirely legally) exploring the bowels of Luna Nova.
With a single motion of his fingers, Takeuchi popped open the chest. And the whole room began to spin.
"Wh…What's…" Akko slurred, suddenly feeling like her hangover from a few days ago had returned, and tripled in intensity. "What's…going on…?"
"Shhhh…don't worry, little witch," he spoke with mock-sympathy. "You're just going to take a nice nap. And when you're finished…"
He pressed a piece of paper onto the table and pushed it forward, just as Akko blacked out completely. Big, bold letters at the top read "BILL OF SALE."
"I think you're going to be much more amenable."