Fusion Cuisine – Part VII: Breaking a Few Eggs
Disclaimer: In case you haven't figured it out yet, I don't own Little Witch Academia. All LWA-related characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of Studio Trigger and Yoh Yoshinari.
[-]
Cavendish Manor
Sixteen Years Ago
"Mama, what are we doing here?" a young girl asked in fright. "It's really scary."
Bernadette Cavendish paused mid-step, reaching down to grasp her daughter around the shoulders. "It'll be alright, sweetheart," she said. "Nothing down here can hurt you while you're with me."
Diana still didn't really understand, but nodded and followed in her mother's wake all the same.
They were deep in the catacombs below the manor, Bernadette holding her glowing wand like a torch as she led them down one narrow pathway after the next.
"Anna wasn't sure you were old enough to see these. But I believe it's important for you to understand as you undertake your magical education," she told the girl. "Not all magic is good. As descendants of Beatrix Cavendish, one of the Nine Old Witches, it is not only our duty to use magic that helps humanity…but to seal away that which might bring it harm."
"But…" mumbled Diana, her lip trembling. "I can barely use…any magic now…"
It was an incredibly puzzling development, and one which'd stumped both her tutors and the Cavendish family physician. After returning from a brief vacation overseas – one where Diana had gotten to see a show from her idol, Shiny Chariot, in person! – the girl had found that spells she'd been performing just fine a few months ago, barely functioned at all.
Faced with no other explanation, Diana had reached the only logical conclusion: she simply hadn't been working hard enough. She'd blown off her training to play silly games or read childish books one too many times, and her skills had suffered.
So she told her friend Andrew that she wouldn't be able to play for a while, and devoted every waking moment of her free time to extra practice. Casting spells over and over and over again, until she was just about ready to collapse from exhaustion.
And it was in the aftermath of just such a collapse that her mother had swept her up in her arms, and taken her down here.
"Diana, my darling. You haven't done anything wrong," said the older woman. "This is just…a minor setback. Everyone goes through ups and downs with their magic. Especially when they're as young as you are."
"Auntie Daryl said you didn't. That you were a prodigy right from the start," Diana tried to argue back, biting her tiny lip. "I overheard her talking, and…and she says she can't believe I'm your daughter. That it's a disgrace the heiress to the main line is so weak…"
Bernadette's normally kind face twisted into a very rare frown.
"I'll need to have a talk with my dear sister, it seems," she muttered under her breath. "Be that as it may, none of this affects what I want to show you today. I hope that by seeing this room, you'll gain a bit of a wider perspective."
Her whole body tensed as they reached a heavy stone door, engraved with what Diana recognized as a protective rune. She pressed her wand against the rune's etchings, causing it to glow.
"Perhaps you'll be less inclined to be so harsh on yourself, my sweet girl…" she added in a lower voice, as the door slowly slid open. "When you see that there's real evil in the world."
The moment that Diana entered the chamber, it was like she'd been plunged into a bath of ice-cold water. Bernadette pulled her close, warming her with her body heat – while also making sure she couldn't wander off.
It wasn't a very large room, but it was quite densely packed. A number of stone pillars jutted out from the ground, and upon each sat an object, encased in magically reinforced glass.
There were a couple of swords, and several dark-hued tomes, and various pieces of jewelry. Even an ominous-looking wooden cup, filled to the brim with what looked unnervingly like blood.
But the one that drew her eyes the most was a small, ornate casket.
As soon as Diana saw the box, a part of her wanted it more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life. It seemed to draw her toward it, emanating hushed whispers that she couldn't quite make out.
She took a single step, her hand outstretched, before her mother pulled her back.
"Please, my love. You must not touch anything in here," she said. "And especially not the Somnarca."
"Wh…What is that…?" the girl stammered, once she was startled back to her senses.
"The Somnarca. The Vessel of Dreams," explained Bernadette through tight lips. "It can be used to show people incredibly realistic illusions. Trapping them in a dream of their heart's greatest desire, until they can't tell it apart from reality. Until…they are little more than a puppet, for the person holding the box."
Diana immediately retreated into the folds of her mother's robes.
"How did we get it?" she asked, trembling.
"The same way we obtained many of these horrible artifacts," said Bernadette. "Over the centuries, evil witches have used them to wreak havoc on the magical and non-magical worlds alike. And each time, a member of the House of Cavendish has appeared to defeat them. Binding their power here, where it can never hurt anyone again."
Diana looked up at her mother, fear giving way to a fierce stare of determination.
"Then…Then I'll be strong, like them!" she exclaimed. "I'll get better at magic, and be a good Cavendish witch! So I can stop bad witches too!"
Bernadette bent down to one knee, and embraced her daughter tightly.
"I know you will," she whispered. "Alas…if only bad witches were the only sources of evil in this world."
[-]
Akko wasn't entirely sure where she was right now.
For the life of her, it almost felt like she was…floating. As if on the surface of the sea. The sensation was pleasant, but strange.
She looked down at herself, and quickly deduced the reason. Albeit, one which only raised further questions.
Because she was wearing a fluffy, lacey, altogether far-too-enormous white dress.
A wedding dress.
"I still can't believe it," said a very familiar male voice. Akko turned, and saw her parents smiling radiantly – sharply dressed and, more to the point, completely uninjured. Her father stepped forward, and gave her a tight hug.
"I can't either. Our little baby girl, all grown up," added her mother, tears in her eyes as she fiddled with one of Akko's sleeves. "It's just a shame we're not doing a bigger ceremony."
"Rio, dear, we've been over this," sighed Junya, though he was smiling indulgently. "I think we can all understand why witches usually aren't big on church weddings. And everyone who matters is out there already."
"Ummm…sorry if this brings down the mood or whatever…" Akko spoke awkwardly. "But what the hell is going on?! And why aren't you, like…still in the hospital?"
Her parents shared a brief glance, before erupting into chuckles.
"I suppose we should've expected the pre-wedding jitters to scramble your brain a bit," said Rio. "We haven't been in the hospital since that car accident. Which, need I remind you…was three years ago."
"Three years…?" repeated an incredulous Akko. Sure, she definitely felt disoriented, but she couldn't possibly have missed that much time…
Could she?
"But enough about the past, sweetheart," said her father. "It's time for you to go out there, and take the next step into your future."
Akko was helpless to keep him from guiding her out the door, the folds of her dress trailing behind her.
She found herself in a section of a local park, which'd been transformed into what was unmistakably a wedding venue. White lace and flowers were strewn along the grass, leading up to an archway covered in curtains and tassels.
Lawn chairs were set up on either side of the space, seating around two-dozen people in all. Akko recognized most of the guests, even if many of them looked incredibly out-of-place in formal wear.
There was Lotte and Sucy, and Amanda and Conz and Jasna, and Andrew and Frank, and even Hannah and Barbara! Plus Ursula-sensei and Croix-sensei, clasping hands with one another. Daryl and her daughters were nowhere to be seen, though Anna had a seat right up at the front, the housekeeper comporting herself with absolute decorum.
Then Akko's eyes traveled upward, and the breath caught in her throat.
Standing atop a small dais near the archway was none other than Diana Cavendish. Bedecked in an absolutely stunning tuxedo, the woman looked so utterly, mind-bendingly beautiful that Akko nearly fainted on the spot.
But before she could, she felt her father's hand on the small of her back, gently but insistently guiding her down the aisle.
Lotte waved her wand, and a chorus of spirits housed within ancient teapots began to serenade her procession. Sucy went to her side and began performing what were presumably flower girl duties, except that she was using mushrooms instead.
Finally, after walking for what seemed like an eternity, Akko stepped onto the dais and faced the gorgeous blonde.
"We're finally here," said Diana, her voice coming out a choked whisper. "It's finally about to happen. Akko, this is the happiest day of my life."
"I…" muttered Akko, biting her lip. She cast her gaze around, seeing the smiling faces of everyone around her. Even Sucy and Amanda seemed to be on their best behavior today! "I mean…it's mine too, but…"
"Is something the matter?" asked Diana, her voice laced with concern. "If there's anything you need, just let me know."
"It's…nothing, probably," Akko replied after a few moments. "There's this feeling I can't shake like something's wrong. But papa's probably right, it's just wedding jitters."
"You'd hardly be the first," their officiant piped up, causing Akko to notice him for the first time. He has greasy green hair and looked vaguely familiar, though she had trouble placing him. "Don't worry, though. Just a few nice words, the exchange of vows, and it'll all be over."
He then tapped a piece of paper on the lectern in front of him.
"Plus, of course, your signatures on this partnership certificate," he added, with a grin that was maybe just a bit too wide. "That's what'll make it legal in our prefecture."
[-]
Diana raced through the streets of Tokyo, barely paying attention to her surroundings as she ran at full speed.
If Takeuchi had his grimy hands on the Somnarca – if he'd actually figured out how to use it – then none of them were safe. One of the scariest things about items of its ilk was that no more than cursory magical knowledge was required to wield them. He'd merely need to flip open the lid, and anyone in the immediate vicinity would be within his power.
The blonde woman found herself shaking her head in disgust. How could Daryl have been so careless, selling something that dangerous on the open market? How many other dark artifacts were now out there in the world, solely because that middle-aged shrew couldn't be arsed to find a real job anywhere?
That last question was an incredibly disturbing one, but also not something Diana was really equipped to deal with right now. One crisis at a time.
The first number she tried to call, of course, was Akko's. But the phone went straight to voicemail, with Akko's cheesy recorded voice encouraging her to "Leave a message after the sound of your own believing heart!"
More than likely, it was nothing. Akko had probably gone straight home and crashed into a stupor, the way any reasonable person would've after a week like this.
And yet, Diana couldn't shake the panicked feeling in her chest. Something at the back of her brain, something not altogether logical, was insisting she needed to get to the restaurant.
Of course, if she was about to confront someone with a magical tool that let him completely dominate people's perceptions, then rushing in headlong without a plan was probably not the best idea she'd ever had. Diana needed some kind of backup strategy.
That was why she decided to try a second phone number, punching in the digits from memory from the job application she'd reviewed earlier that week.
Thankfully, Jasminka only took a single ring to answer, "Aлло́?"
"It's Diana. Apologies for my terseness, but I need to make sure another witch is aware of this," said the British woman, without missing a beat. "I believe Takeuchi has an artifact called the Somnarca, which lets him cast illusion spells without the need for a wand or Sorcerer's Stone. I need to make sure that he hasn't gotten to Akko. If you don't hear from me in an hour, assume that I've been compromised."
"Diana, slow down!" exclaimed Jasminka, though her voice was muffled somewhat by what sounded like the crumpling of a crisps bag. "Tell me where you are, and I'll be there in a few minutes. You shouldn't do something so dangerous alone."
"With any luck, I'm just being overly cautious," Diana talked over the Russian woman's objections. "But that's something I cannot bear to find out the hard way."
Without waiting for a response, she hung up the call and turned off her phone for good measure. If this was as bad as she feared, she couldn't afford even the slightest distraction.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of running, she arrived at the front entrance of Kagari's. This late at night, its usual cozy aesthetic looked almost sinister.
She pressed on the handle, and found it unlocked. An even more foreboding sign.
Screwing up her courage, Diana drew her wand and pushed the door open.
Only to find Atsuko Kagari and Masato Takeuchi sitting together in the dark. The former slack-jawed and delirious, and the latter brandishing a disturbingly familiar casket in his palm.
"Oh my. It seems we have another guest," said Takeuchi, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Why don't you join the party, Miss Cavendish?"
He twisted around in his seat, holding the Somnarca aloft, its glow peaking in intensity until it was almost blinding.
[-]
"Akko, do you mind if I start?" asked Diana, fist clenching anxiously at the sleeve of her tuxedo. "I'm not sure I can bear another minute without speaking the words that are within my heart."
"Uh…sure, Diana. Go to town," Akko responded, a bit awkwardly.
No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. But she buried that unease as best she could.
After all, the love of her life was about to speak her wedding vows to her. Nothing else should be on her mind right now.
"To say we didn't get along when we first met was…well, let us be polite and call it an understatement," the other woman began. "You were everything I'd been taught to despise within the magical world. Reckless, impulsive, irresponsible – not to mention a complete disregard for the rules. But in the end, I wonder if the real reason for our initial antipathy…may have been jealousy. And not on your part."
Diana stared straight into her eyes, her azure gaze piercing.
"When I saw you back then, Akko, I saw…a picture of everything I wasn't allowed to be," she said after a moment. "Someone who wasn't bound by legacy or tradition. Someone who was free to choose her own fate. Someone who didn't feel she had to hide her love for a gaudy, flashy children's performer."
Out of the corner of her eye, Akko saw Croix-sensei elbow Ursula-sensei in the ribs, who blushed.
"I don't know the precise moment where that antipathy turned to affection. But I know precisely when that affection turned to love," the blonde continued, her voice growing more strident and heartfelt by the word. "As we returned to Luna Nova after our adventures at the manor, I had a great deal of time to think. And I realized that you were the first person, apart from my mother or Anna, who truly valued me as more than the Cavendish heiress. Who wanted me to remain in her life, not because of what I could do for them…but because she believed in me. And in my dream."
"Diana…" Akko whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. Certain to be the first of many.
But the other witch wasn't finished. "We have been through so much together. Trials and tribulations that could fill up a book – or one of those long-running anime of which you are so fond," she told her. "But not a single moment of it do I regret. Because all of those struggles have brought us to today. Brought us to the moment when you and I will be bound in the eyes of the law…the way we've always been bound in our hearts."
Akko blinked, her throat suddenly completely dry. How in the world was she supposed to follow up to that?
Especially when she still felt so…strange…
The Japanese woman gripped at her head, wincing as a sudden pain pierced it. Diana reached forward out of concern.
"Are you alright, Akko?" she asked. "Do you need a moment to rest?"
"No…No, it's fine…" said Akko, trying to force away the headache by sheer willpower. Not today, of all days. "Diana, I…I know I can't say anything as beautiful as that. Even though you deserve it. But I'm gonna try."
She clasped her hands together in front of her to keep them from shaking, cleared her throat, and began to speak.
"When I first came to Luna Nova, I had some pretty messed-up ideas about magic. About life," she murmured. "I thought believing in yourself was enough to do anything. So when people like you or Ursula-sensei tried to tell me life is more complicated than that, I didn't listen. I didn't want to put in the hard work to grow as a witch…or as a person."
Akko took another deep breath, before adding, "Meeting you all, finding the Seven Words, going on all those adventures – Luna Nova changed who I am. But the biggest lesson it taught me was…was how to love."
Unable to bear even the short distance between them now, Akko reached forward, clasping both of Diana's hands in hers.
"I never had a problem with love as…y'know, a concept? Loving my family and my friends, loving magic, that stuff always came easy for me," she said. "But what I felt for you was…different. New. And I'm not gonna lie, it scared me at first. Part of why I ran away from those feelings for so long."
Now, naturally, was the time to describe how she'd stopped running from those feelings. There was just one problem.
She didn't remember.
When Akko tried to recall the exact moment she'd thrown caution to the wind and confessed what was in her heart, she drew a complete blank. Obviously it must've happened – they were about to get married, for crying out loud! – but it was as if all her memories of their actual relationship were in a haze.
It sounded embarrassingly lame, but the only way she could think to conclude her vows was, "The point is…I love you, Diana. I love the person you help me to be. And I'm so happy we're gonna get to do that for the rest of our lives."
"Wonderful!" exclaimed the officiant, almost the moment her mouth closed. "Then all that's left is the paperwork…and of course, the kiss! Shall we get the boring part out of the way first?"
Diana chuckled lightly, pulling out her stamp and taking the officiant's proffered pen. She pressed the stamp next to her name on the partnership certificate, and signed it with her usual, gentlewomanly flourish.
"Here you go, Akko," she said with a gentle smile, passing the pen over. "One more step, and we are wives at last."
[-]
Diana stood there for a moment, blinking rapidly. Wandering when she would start to feel the Somnarca's effects.
But the world around her didn't fade. Instead, all she saw was the increasing look of dismay on Takeuchi's face.
"Dammit, my luck is bad lately," he hissed. "You're immune, aren't you?"
"Immune?" Diana repeated, feeling utterly lost.
The businessman sighed and placed the Somnarca back on the table, making sure it was pointed toward the still-stupefied Akko.
"Don't ask me to explain it. Not exactly my area of expertise," he said, shaking his head. "But I've used this thing enough to figure out it doesn't work on everyone. Doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason as to who…might be completely random for all I know. But I'd estimate maybe ten or fifteen percent of the population."
Diana tried not to think about how many people he must've used the Somnarca on to have formulated actual statistics. Instead she demanded, "Release Akko from your spell!"
Takeuchi wagged his finger and made a tsk -ing sound with his tongue.
"No can do, sweetheart. Thought you were supposed to be the expert on this," he replied. "Once the magic's invoked, only one who can end it is the person having the dream. And seems to me your little witch girl is having a doozy of one."
"I am an expert. And I know there's another way to do it," Diana snapped, planting her feet and pointing her glowing wand like a firearm. "By destroying the Somnarca!"
The magic bullet fired before she even finished her sentence, a nonverbal Murowa blast with enough force to shatter concrete.
Only to dissipate into nothing mere centimeters from the box.
"What, did you think I'd make this thing the centerpiece of all my plans and not take some countermeasures?" asked Takeuchi, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You'll find there are plenty of rogue witches out there in the world willing to cast a nice protective charm or barrier hex…for the right price, of course."
Diana didn't stand down, but she did allow the glow in her wand to fade. No sense in wasting what little mana she had left.
If Akko needed to wake up from the illusion herself, then the best thing Diana could do for her right now was distract Takeuchi. Keep him talking so he couldn't enact whatever plans he had in store.
Breathing heavily, she said, "So…what is your goal here, exactly? You seem too mystically knowledgeable for an ordinary businessman."
From the way his smile instantly broadened, Diana knew she had struck gold. If there was one subject Takeuchi obviously loved talking about, it was himself.
"Well I wasn't lying when I told you I've admired magic since I was a boy," he began to explain, reclining back into his chair. "My mother was a witch, you see. And quite a famous one at that. Ever heard of the White Lotus Witch?"
Diana took a step back, stunned. Of course she'd heard of her – anyone who'd taken a Modern Magical History class would perk up at that name.
The White Lotus Witch was one of a handful of "government-sponsored" witches Japan had promoted in the post-World War II period, as part of the wider campaign to rehabilitate their international image. Providing disaster relief, humanitarian assistance, and the like. The WLW, as she'd often been known then (before that acronym came to have…different connotations), was widely recognized as the greatest witch in the program, and one of the key magical figures of the twentieth century.
Except there was one problem.
"I've never heard of the White Lotus Witch having a child," said Diana. "You'd think that would make it into the textbooks."
"It's no surprise to me. Dear okaa-san walked out on us when I was less than a month old," Takeuchi told her, unable to hold back a strong note of bitterness. "Not that my father cared, of course. He was one of her fans…far too enamored by her fame to see who she really was. She used illusion magic to hide her pregnancy in the late stages. Then paid him a king's ransom to take me away, and never speak to the press about the affair."
Diana felt a twinge of something she hadn't expected – genuine sympathy for the man in front of her. Not nearly enough to excuse the crimes he was responsible for, but it was there all the same.
"Of course, I didn't understand how fucked up that was back then. My father raised me to idolize her, too," the green-haired man continued. "I still remember every morning, grabbing a bowl of rice and sitting right in front of the television. Hoping it'd show the White Lotus Witch performing some new, lifesaving feat. I couldn't get enough."
He held up one of his spindly hands, absently examining each finger underneath the dim light, before adding, "And of course, my greatest dream was that I'd be able to do the same someday. To fly through the skies, and create dazzling displays of light, and transform into fantastic beasts. But…we both know magic heredity isn't that simple."
"Magic doesn't generally pass to male children. And even with females it can be inconsistent, when the other parent is non-magical," Diana recited, almost automatically. "So is that what motivates you? Petty jealousy?"
Takeuchi let out a brief, humorless chuckle, which didn't in any way reach his increasingly dangerous eyes.
"Back then…probably. There was a time when I was absolutely desperate," he said. "Enough to trust someone who said he could give me magic of my own. Learned too late he was a charlatan. Not before I had a…permanent reminder."
He didn't elaborate further, but the slow, deliberate way he ran a finger down the scar on his face filled in most of the rest.
"The reason I'm telling you this story is because it taught me where the real power in this world lies," Takeuchi went on after a few moments. "Money and influence are all well and good, but they can't work the miracles that magic can. You think anyone would've given my mother the time of day if she wasn't a witch? She was vain, superficial, and simple-minded. But because she had a modicum of talent at spells and hexes, everyone bent over backward to fawn over her. That's what I wanted, Miss Cavendish. That instant respect."
His hand closed around the Somnarca, still sitting upon the table and working its sinister curse upon Akko, before finishing with a sneer, "And fortunately…being able to wield a wand isn't the only way to gain that power."
"Hence your obsession with acquiring magical artifacts," stated Diana, her tone neutral. "I can see now why you would've been drawn to one as powerful as the Somnarca. And as for how you have been using it…"
"Well, I don't think it's all that hard to imagine how useful it might be in my…particular line of work," Takeuchi cut in, admiring the casket fondly. "Business deals, interactions with the police and other authorities, 'recruiting' new employees…all of it's become quite a bit simpler since I got my hands on this beauty."
Several images passed through Diana's mind in that instant. The strange actions of Takeuchi's henchmen – moving in unison, ordering the same meal each time. Or the way that policeman had brushed them off, as if he literally couldn't hear their objections.
"You control their minds, in short," Diana muttered, clicking her tongue in disgust. "You realize that is one of the Eight Forbidden Artes? The Arcanum Council could have your head for this."
"Right. Because I'm quaking in fear over a group that hasn't met in over seventy years because they can't make quorum," he said, calling her bluff. It really was frightening how well-informed he was. "Besides, it isn't exactly mind control. The Somnarca can't force someone to do something that's completely against their nature. But as long as I can construct the appropriate dream…most people have surprisingly little that's actually off the table."
"And what about Akko?" asked Diana, glancing at the blank expression on the brunette's usually energetic face. "What kind of 'dream' are you showing her?"
"I don't rightfully know, actually. The most effective visions, of course, are the ones constructed entirely from the subject's own subconscious," he answered with a shrug. "The only input I added was the end goal. Whatever she's seeing right now, the ultimate result should be…ah, there we go."
Diana's eyebrows raised in alarm as she saw Akko's body begin to move. Her expression remained dazed and unfocused, so it was like her arm was being puppeteered by some invisible string. Reaching lazily into her breast pocket, and pulling out…
A stamp.
The breath caught in Diana's throat as she watched Akko press it down onto a piece of paper. A piece of paper labeled "BILL OF SALE."
"Akko, no! Stop!" she exclaimed, as the Japanese witch put the stamp aside and reached for a pen from Takeuchi's outstretched fingers.
Before she could think it through, Diana found herself seizing Akko's arm with both of her own, preventing her from taking the pen. But the other woman was in significantly better shape than Diana was these days, and the latter could already feel her grip slipping.
"I knew she must have signing authority. They'd need to delegate it for things like payroll checks and invoices," said Takeuchi, grinning smugly. "One little signature, and Kagari's is mine."
"This is contract fraud, plain and simple," Diana growled through gritted teeth, still struggling to hold back Akko's arm. "Even if you don't fear magical authorities, you can't run from the mundane ones forever. The Somnarca can only work on one person at a time."
"I'd certainly like to see you prove in a court of law that I coerced Miss Kagari into signing using a magic dream box," Takeuchi pointed out with a roll of his eyes.
Diana's scowl deepened, sweat beading across her face as Akko began to slip from her grip. Much as she was loath to admit, he was probably right about that. Once that pen hit the paper, it'd be all but impossible to convince a judge that Akko hadn't signed and stamped the contract of her own free will.
"One thing still puzzles me…" she breathed out, unable to think of any other way to buy time. "Why target Akko? If this is all you wanted, why didn't you simply go after her parents?"
Takeuchi's smile widened as Akko's fingers closed at last around the pen in his hand. Forcing Diana to shift her grip, preventing the other witch from bringing it any closer to the bill of sale.
"What makes you think I didn't?" he said. "As I said, a certain percentage of the population is immune to the Somnarca. And to my great misfortune, both Junya and Rio Kagari happened to qualify."
The businessman steepled his fingers beneath his chin, before delivering his next words with all the gravity of a grandmaster confidently declaring checkmate.
"Thankfully…" he whispered. "That immunity didn't extend to that trucker, when I allowed him to live out his dreams of being a racecar driver."
A single, solitary beat passed as Diana allowed those words to wash over her, and what they actually meant.
This, with a roar of fury she didn't know she was capable of, she released her grip on Akko's arm, drew her wand, and unleashed a fire spell with all her might.
Not at the Somnarca, which was still magically protected, or at Takeuchi himself, who would doubtless be likewise…
But at the bill of sale, which burned to a crisp before their eyes.
The green-haired man looked remarkably unperturbed by this development. "You know I printed spares, don't you?" he asked, opening his briefcase and pulling out an identical copy to demonstrate. "And without a Sorcerer's Stone nearby, your magic reserves are going to run out far sooner than I run out of paper. You've accomplished nothing more than delaying me by a few minutes."
"Which should be enough, if Akko can wake up in that time," said Diana, before lightly tapping at the other woman's cheek. "Come now Akko, I believe in you. Fight his control!"
Akko didn't react in any noticeable way to the contact. Her head lolled from one side to the next, as if she was severely intoxicated.
"If you really want to be so unreasonable, then so be it. I can certainly respond in kind," Takeuchi murmured sinisterly. "Just remember we could have done this the easy way."
Before Diana could say anything, he pressed his pointer finger to one of the gems on the Somnarca's surface. The glow within the chest instantly changed from an eerie green to a foreboding blood-red.
"If you won't let your little witch have a sweet, pleasant dream in peace…" he said, a shadow falling over his face until it scarcely looked human anymore. "Then how about we try a nightmare?"
[-]
Akko had no idea what was going on.
A moment ago, she'd placed her stamp on the partnership certificate that would legally bind her for the rest of her life as Atsuko Kagari-Cavendish. And been about to sign it in turn.
When, out of nowhere, the paper had burst into flames.
Everyone at the wedding was in an understandable panic. If you were the superstitious sort – which most witches were, as a matter of course – then it was hard not to read this as quite the ill omen.
Still, her fiancée was doing her best to keep up a brave face. "I suppose that's the consequence we pay for an outdoor wedding," she remarked with a half-hearted chuckle. "The sunlight must've reflected off something at just the wrong angle."
Akko certainly wasn't an expert in physics, or any kind of science for that matter, but she wasn't sure that made sense. Still, she nodded all the same.
"Let's, uh…maybe just take five, okay everyone?" she said, forcing a smile as well. "We'll get another copy of the certificate thingy, and then we can…"
But the rest of the sentence died in her throat. Because in that moment, something dark and metallic burst through Diana's stomach.
"Diana!" she screamed wildly. No, this wasn't possible, it couldn't be happening, it couldn't…
And yet she watched as the claw that'd impaled the blonde through the back tossed her body aside. Leaving behind a hole the size of a man's fist, leaking blood and viscera all over her fancy tuxedo.
"A…Akko…" gasped Diana, coughing up even greater quantities of blood with each syllable. "P…Please…run…"
But those were the only words she was able to force out. Akko watched on helplessly as the woman she loved went cold and still.
And, meanwhile, as her killer rose up to full height.
It was an enormous black metal cube, with tendrils that resembled an octopus' tentacles protruding from each side. The tendrils were each tipped with spiked claws, and on the front of the cube was a single red sensor, like an eye.
"It can't be…" she heard Croix-sensei's horrified voice from the audience. "That's…my tech…"
The eye "blinked" several times, before a mechanical voice droned from unseen speakers.
PRIORITY TARGET TWO: ELIMINATED. PRIORITY TARGET ONE: ENGAGING.
Its tentacle moved so fast that Akko wouldn't have had a chance to fight back, even if she did have the will. But her entire world had just been shattered, and so she didn't even make an attempt to move away.
Only to be pushed aside at the last moment, as someone else took the brunt of the attack for her.
Of all people…
Sucy Manbavaran now lay before her in a pool of her own blood, bones shattered by the impact.
"S…Sucy…" she said in the tiniest voice possible. "Why…would you…?"
"Get going…you moron…" the Filipina witch growled, as fiercely as her blood-clogged throat would let her. "I'll…buy you time…!"
Then, with the last of her strength, she hurled a potion vial at the space between her and the machine. Causing both to get swallowed up by a massive cluster of mushrooms.
Of course, this didn't make it any easier for Akko to get to her feet. Even if she wanted to, her entire body was utterly paralyzed, unresponsive to her brain's commands.
So it fell to Ursula-sensei to forcibly scoop her former pupil into her arms, and carry her away from the archway.
"We'll hold it off!" Amanda cried out, drawing their wand and unleashing a stream of lightning from its tip. Lotte, Constanze, and Jasminka nodded in agreement, tears in their eyes even as they all gathered together to fight. "Get her as far away as you can!"
Ursula didn't need to be told twice. Tossing aside her impractical shoes and tearing her fancy dress right down the middle, she took Akko and sprinted away from the venue, her wife following close behind.
"Croix, is that what I think it is?" she demanded, without slowing her pace.
The lilac-haired woman grimaced and gave a quick, forced nod.
"My magitronics. The same kind I gave to the British government in exchange for a reduced sentence," she said through gritted teeth. "But I never dreamed they'd turn it into…that."
"They called Akko and Diana 'priority targets,' whatever that means," Ursula responded, casting a quick spell to enhance her physical abilities and run even faster. "But why would the British government send a killer robot after two witches?"
"I wonder…" spoke Croix quietly. "During the Noir Missile crisis, they proved the Claíomh Solais is more powerful than a nuclear warhead. Maybe they think Akko still has it. In which case, I can see the military wanting to eliminate…competition."
"While their own Foreign Secretary and Education Secretary were in attendance?" asked Ursula, alluding to Andrew and Frank. "Merde…they're monsters, every one of them."
Akko listened to all this with increasing horror. All of her friends were in danger – Diana and Sucy had both died – because of what she'd done all those years ago? Because she'd unlocked the Shiny Rod and revived Yggdrasil for all the world to see?
"Put me down…please…" she begged her mentor. "I don't want anyone else getting hurt…cuz of me…"
"This is my tech they've perverted. I'm not going anywhere," said Croix sharply, now hovering along on one of her Roomba-like platforms in order to keep up with her wife. "And besides…it's the least I owe you, Akko."
"I'm not letting it harm another hair on my students. That is my promise," added a fierce-looking Ursula. "Upon my word as your teacher, I won't…!"
But her words were cut short as she was blindsided by a thrashing tentacle.
Both Ursula and Akko tumbled to the ground, her magically enhanced momentum resulting in an impact hard enough to break ribs.
"Chariot!" Croix shouted, leaping from her Roomba and helping both women to their feet with a gust of wind magic.
But it mattered little, as they found themselves surrounded by a dozen more automatons, each identical to the first. And each "speaking" the same words in unison.
PRIORITY TARGET ONE: ENGAGING.
What followed was a magical battle worthy of the history books, even if it would certainly never make it there. Ursula Callistis and Croix Meridies unleashed all the magical power one might expect from two former Luna Nova teachers, shattering one robot after the next. The latter was backed up by her own magitronics droids, while the former mostly enchanted her own body to break them apart with punches and kicks.
But ultimately, they were still two human women, fighting against waves of mechanical enemies that seemed without end. Eventually, inevitably, sheer numbers threatened to overwhelm them.
"No matter what happens…" Ursula panted, clutching at a sharp gash in her side. "I've never stopped loving you, Croix. My believing heart…will always be yours."
"Mushy to the end…eh Chariot…?" said Croix, spitting out a great wad of blood. "Well, I don't know how much it matters now, but…I'm sorry. About everything. And I fucking love you too."
They both spread out their arms, trying to keep a trembling Akko hidden from the robots' mechanical sight.
"Override T-M-Zero-One," a human male voice suddenly declared. "All Noir Droids, stand down and await further instructions."
Like soldiers at a procession, the machines settled into two neat rows, leaving a space in the middle for the speaker to walk down.
The man was wearing a military uniform, with enough medals and ribbons to make up for his not-especially-imposing stature. His slick green hair and beard looked vaguely familiar, but as with the officiant – who, frankly, could've been this guy's brother – Akko couldn't quite place him.
"Sorry for the all the…messiness," he said, leaning down so he could cup Akko's chin in his fingers. "National security can be quite the dirty business."
"Don't you dare touch her, you slimy piece of…!" yelled Ursula, sounding angrier than Akko had ever heard her. The rest of her sentence descended into snarling, barely intelligible French swears.
"Units Phi and Rho, restrain these two," the military man ordered, causing tentacles to wrap around both teachers' throats, cutting the rant short.
Akko's scream caught in her chest as he forcibly hauled her to her feet.
"Now I'm a busy man, so we're going to get right to brass tacks," he continued without preamble. "With Diana Cavendish eliminated, you are the only person on Earth known to be able to wield the weapon of mass destruction codenamed 'Shiny Rod.' I could kill you, of course, and end its threat permanently. That was the original plan. But now that I have you here…I think I have an even better idea."
He unhooked a compartment on his uniform, and pulled out a formal-looking document.
"Wh…What's that…?" she stuttered.
"An exclusive contract, Miss Kagari," he said, lip curling. "You will use your incredible gifts in service to our country. You'd even get paid – and quite generously, at that. Trust me, you won't be seeing a better deal than this."
Despite knowing she was hopelessly outmatched, Akko glared daggers at the man.
"Why the hell do you think I'd ever work for you…" she hissed out. "After what you did to Diana?"
His chest rumbled with a low, cruel chuckle.
"Because apart from her, none of your friends are yet deceased. Even Miss Manbavaran may survive, if she receives immediate medical attention," he replied. "Of course, the operative term there is 'yet.' Units Phi and Rho, apply pressure."
Ursula and Croix let out agonized gasps and coughs as the tendrils began constricting around their windpipes.
The man thrust the paper into her shaking hands, along with a suddenly appearing pen and stamp.
"Make the right choice, my dear," he said, his hot breath washing over Akko's weeping face. "For once in your life."
[-]
Diana wasn't sure what the Japanese woman was seeing inside her head. But whatever it was, it was causing her horrific pain.
Tears were streaming freely down Akko's face, and her expression was as anguished and despondent as the night she'd learned the truth about her struggles in magic. She didn't seem capable of coherent speech, but every so often she blurted out a whimper that sounded something like, "Not her…Not her…"
"What have you done to Akko?" Diana bellowed, a greater rage burning within her than she'd ever thought possible. "Answer me!"
"As I told you before, I don't know the details," said Takeuchi, as casually as if they were discussing the weather. "Earlier, she would've been dreaming of the best thing she can possibly imagine. Now…it's the worst. You probably know better than I what would torture your friend's heart more than anything else."
"Release her," Diana commanded sharply. "Release her, or I swear I'll…!"
"You'll what? You have no leverage here, little girl," Takeuchi cut her off, his tones turning irritated and impatient. "I have her completely within the thrall of the Somnarca, your magic is useless against me, and even if you did manage to try something I have a dozen men stationed right outside. You've lost, Miss Cavendish. Now let me have her sign this contract, and I'll be on my way."
His fingers tapped idly against the text on the bill of sale, before adding, "Unless…you were granted signing authority as well? If you sign in her place, I promise to leave you both alone until the end of my days. On my honor as a businessman."
Diana's breath caught in her throat. Yes, the Kagaris had indeed delegated that role to her in writing, to help facilitate operations more efficiently. She'd been surprised, since they barely knew her, but in Rio Kagari's words…
"Anyone our Akko-chan chooses to put her faith in is practically a member of the family."
She couldn't betray that trust. She couldn't. And yet…
Akko was writhing in her chair now, her breaths coming in labored, halting gasps. Her fingers twitched and grasped desperately at air, as if trying to reach for a pen and stamp she couldn't find.
The British woman hated to admit it, but she couldn't see any other way out of this. Either she allowed Akko to sign the contract in her pained stupor, or she did it herself to save her the suffering.
Regardless, Takeuchi would win.
"Let this be a lesson to you, my dear," he said. "Don't play with the big boys unless you come prepared. Now, are you ready to stop dragging this out? For her sake."
Diana stared at the woman she loved, trying to rationally weigh her options. But any thoughts of rationality were shattered to dust by Akko's increasingly frantic cries of agony.
A great part of her heart, the largest part, was willing to do anything to end that pain. Anything. Even something as horrible as…
For the briefest of moments, Diana found herself reaching for the pen.
But then she saw something else. It seemed to have fallen out of Akko's pocket during her convulsions.
It was a ring of keys. And on it dangled a decorative keychain – naturally, of Shiny Chariot.
Emblazoned with the words: A believing heart is your magic.
Diana shook her head. If their situations were reversed, Akko would never give up. Even in a seemingly hopeless situation, she'd find some way to turn things around.
She forced herself to think back upon everything Takeuchi had told her. Akko was caught in a dream being generated by her own subconscious, geared to the worst possible scenario she could conceive of. The only way out was if Akko woke up herself.
But this was also clearly no ordinary slumber. The usual methods to rouse an oversleeping Akko – a not-uncommon occurrence in their school days – had no guarantee of working. A fire going off directly in front of her face hadn't managed to stir Akko, so any loud noise or physical shock could just as easily get incorporated as part of the dream, potentially putting Akko in even graver distress.
So Diana needed to do something Akko's sleeping mind couldn't possibly rationalize as part of her "worst nightmare." Preferably something sudden and surprising.
In her agitated, desperate state, only one act came to mind.
"Forgive me, Akko. I didn't want our first to happen under these circumstances," she whispered, fervently hoping the other witch couldn't hear her. "Please, by the spirit of Beatrix…let this work…"
Then, before Takeuchi could stop her, she pressed her lips firmly against Akko's.
[-]
The pressure on Akko's face was strange and unfamiliar. But it also felt oddly…nice.
As she blinked tears away from her eyes, she saw something that defied all explanation.
Diana Cavendish, cupping her face in her hands, and clearly having just finished kissing it senseless.
Once Akko got over the initial shock, she realized that Diana looked very different from the way she had at their wedding. For one thing, she was wearing her Luna Nova uniform, the robes and witch's hat fitting the curves of her adult body quite strikingly. And, for another…
She was partially translucent, and floating above the ground, leaving golden sparks in her wake.
"I believe my connection with the Shiny Rod has allowed my spirit to linger, if just for a little while," she said, in lieu of any other explanation. "And my connection to you, Akko…means that I can do this."
Diana's ghost surged through the sky like a bolt of lightning, passing through one Noir Droid after another. Each crackled and sparked on contact with her ethereal form, before collapsing in a heap, its red eye turning a dull, lifeless gray.
In just a few moments, the entire armada of machines was left as little more than a pile of scrap.
The military man blanched at this development, turning tail and running without another word. The contract he'd been trying to force Akko to sign drifted to the ground, worthless and forgotten.
Meanwhile, the spirit of Diana reached forward, taking Akko's hands in her own. They weren't quite as solid as human flesh, but more so than air.
"Diana…how is this possible…?" Akko asked breathlessly.
The woman she loved smiled warmly back at her. "I'm surprised at your lack of optimism, dearest," she responded with a chuckle. "Or did you really think death would be enough to keep us apart for long?"
Akko felt herself tip forward, falling to her hands and knees. Great, throaty sobs wracked her entire body.
"You saved me again. Like you always do," she said, her voice coming out in shuddering whimpers. "I…I'm gonna miss you so much. Without you…I don't know what I'm gonna…"
"Shhhh…" Diana whispered, silencing her with a gentle touch to the cheek. "Who says this is farewell? To see me again, there's just one simple thing you have to do."
Akko slowly looked up at the ghost, blinking uncomprehendingly.
And so, ever the patient tutor, Diana offered her once-classmate the answer.
"You need to wake up."
[-]
With a great gasp of air, like a diver surfacing after nearly drowning in the ocean, Akko came back to herself.
But she wasn't in some distant park, surrounded by the wreckage of magitronic war machines and held in the tender embrace of Diana Cavendish's ghost.
Instead, she was lying on the floorboards of Kagari's, the fluorescent lights boring down on her as a slightly dented ceiling fan spun lazily overhead.
Still, apart from the "ghost" part…
It seemed the latter was entirely real.
"Oh, thank the Nine," said Diana, hugging Akko's body tighter to her own. "I was afraid I'd lost you for good…"
Akko's first few attempts at a reply came out as strangled, unintelligible coughs. Finally, she managed to squeak out, "Wh…What happened, Diana? The last thing I remember, Takeuchi showed up at the restaurant and showed me…something…"
The British witch's gaze turned askance. "I see. So you remember…nothing else, after that point?" she asked, her cheeks tinging pink for some reason.
"Just, uh…just dreams…" mumbled Akko, unable to hold back her own flush.
They'd been rather…intense dreams, after all.
"I see. Well, the long and short of it is that viper holds a dark artifact called the Somnarca. With it, he can place his victims into a sort of pseudo-hypnotic state, and control what they see," Diana quickly explained. "He used it to try to usurp control of the restaurant once again. Upon being thwarted, it seems he decided to cut his losses, and slink back into the shadows."
"Dream control, huh?" said Akko, clutching at her temple and wincing. "Guess that explains why my head feels like someone took a jackhammer to it…"
"I'm hoping the long-term effects are…minimal, if not nonexistent," Diana told her with a sigh. "But we'll need to worry about that later. Takeuchi may have been defeated now, but he'll surely return soon. And he's a far more cunning adversary than I initially gave him credit for."
Akko frowned slightly. "What're you suggesting, then?" she responded.
"The Somnarca can only influence one person at a time. That means there's strength in numbers," mused Diana, rubbing thoughtfully at her chin. "I believe what we need right now…is a friend."
[-]
That was how, a few hours later, Diana and Akko found themselves in the bedroom of Jasminka Antonenko.
Diana had just finished telling both of her fellow witches everything she remembered about her encounter with Takeuchi. Albeit, while leaving out a few…judicious details.
And naturally, only after Jasminka had insisted on force-feeding them enough delicious Russian snacks to feed a stable of horses.
"I can't believe one man can be so rotten," said the plump woman, her face contorted into a rare, spiteful frown. "To think he'd go so far over a piece of real estate."
Akko, meanwhile, was – quite reasonably – shaking with absolute fury over one detail of Diana's story.
"He did that to my parents…he could've killed them…" she seethed, utterly livid. "We're making that bastard pay, right Diana? It's not enough now that we keep Kagari's out of his grimy hands. He needs to be behind bars!"
"I don't disagree. But we'll have to be careful how we proceed," Diana replied, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Friends, family, customers, government officials…any of them could be influenced by the Somnarca. They might not even know themselves. As far as weapons go, I can think of few more insidious."
"Then we'll just have to get it away from him," spoke Akko, glaring sharply at the heart-shaped plyushka in her hand like it was Takeuchi's face. "He said it himself: it's the source of his power. Even if we can't destroy the Somnarca, stealing it means he goes back to being just another seedy, middle-aged salaryman."
"He'll probably have it warded against theft as well. His understanding of magic is remarkably deep for someone who cannot wield it himself," said Diana thoughtfully. "But perhaps…"
As this conversation went on, Jasminka was sitting quietly in the background, humming to herself as she tapped away on her phone.
When she was finished, both Akko and Diana jumped, as their own devices buzzed with an alert for a new group chat.
"What're you doing, Jasna?" asked Akko, confused. Albeit, not as much as Diana, who hadn't known until this point what a group chat was.
The Russian woman held up the brightly glowing screen, which was already beginning to fill up with a multitude of notifications.
"Well, he messed with one of the Nine New Witches," she said with a broad smile. "So I think it's only right we call in the rest."