Henriette "One Eye" Cooper - 1620
What the blazes does that mean?! Bamboo? It seems my distant cousin had a funny way of saying "Let someone else in the family take care of this book!" Well it's certainly in safer hands now. Or rather, hand and hook. More on that later. It's time I added my own chapter of the Thievius Raccoonus. Who better to write about the exploits of thieving than a pirate?
I am the granddaughter of Suzanne MacCooper, who settled in Bordeaux, France after her escape from Scotland. As a lass, I would listen to my grandmother's stories about the Cooper ancestors. I was inspired and wanted her to teach me to become a heroic thief like her and the past Coopers. But she said she was too old for any of those leaps and bounds, and my uninspired parents had other plans for me: housewife. Still, I craved adventure and yearned for danger. I knew deep down that a thief's life was for me, and I think my grandmother knew as well.
Sadly, she passed away when I was sixteen. On her deathbed, she gave me a dagger she had crafted, with a crook shape on the handle. She also gave me something she had acquired from a mysterious courier around the time I was born. It was the Thievius Raccoonus, which she handed to me with a smile and said "Go seek your fortune, little lassie." I quickly hid the book away, knowing my parents would not hear a word of it. Against my grandmother's last wishes, they were already packing me up for a girls' school in Paris, where I would learn to cook and clean and take care of men. The hell I would! No self-respecting Cooper should ever find themselves stuck in Paris!
The night before I was to be sent off, I took this book and snuck into the harbor, climbing aboard a sloop moored at the dock. To my surprise, a gang of rogue pirates were already on board the small vessel, stealing away its cargo. They caught me and were ready to haul me overboard. But I thought quickly and held up the book, explaining that I was descended from the fabled Cooper Clan. Remembering a story of my Arabian ancestor, Salim, I told them that I could lead them to the massive treasure he buried with the thief Sinbad somewhere in the Persian Gulf. The pirates were of course skeptical; but with a quick bribe, thanks to a generous donation from my father's coin purse, they were eager to help me cast off and hijack the vessel. I was finally on my way to fortune.
For weeks we sailed across the Atlantic without a plan. We would need a lot more than one ship and a ragtag crew of bandits to go after the Arabian treasure. Despite my promise of riches, the pirates began to grow weary of trusting a sixteen-year-old girl with leading them on a voyage. That all changed when we spotted a naval vessel gaining on us far behind. The pirates panicked, obviously in no shape to fight. But I hatched a plan.
When the military ship approached our side, I stood alone on deck and posed as a damsel in distress, telling the sailors that my captors were hiding below deck. Sure enough they began filing down the hatches. Little did they know that the pirates were sneaking aboard their vessel through the opened gunwales. I patiently waited as the sailors searched our ship fruitlessly for criminals. Then, after seeing a signal from one of my men, I leaped onto the navy's vessel and ordered "FIRE!" Immediately the pirates fired the military cannons point blank into the sloop's broadside. The dowdy vessel quickly began to capsize, trapping the bewildered sailors on board.
The ruse was a success. We managed to throw the navy off our tail and make off with a much faster vessel, full of charts, weapons and other provisions. But my daring cost me dearly. A hale of splinters from the cannon blast punctured my right eye, permanently blinding it. At that moment, I thought my thieving days were done before they started, but the pirates praised my valor and cunning. Those blundering bunch of blaggards even offered to make me their captain. Granny would've been so proud.
For the next several years we rolled the high seas, plundering ships along the Spanish Main. From coast to coast we spread the fame of Captain Henriette the One Eye and the Cooper Pirates! As our crew increased, so did our fleet, and soon we were able to set a course for the Arabian Sea. All the while I had been practicing the fancy footwork of my ancestors, perfecting acrobatics on the rigging of my flagship, the Roving Ringtail. I knew I was ready. With the help of my forefathers and my faithful crew, I would pull off the greatest raid of my career.
After months of sailing around Africa, our fleet finally arrived in the Persian Gulf. Using clues in Salim's section of the Thievius Raccoonus, we tracked the treasure location to a marine cave system near my ancestor's base of operations. It was late in the night and the breakers around the cliff face were getting choppy. Deciding to wait out the surf, I ordered to anchor offshore and took to slumber; the treasure would surely be there when I awoke. But something else awaited me in the dark of night.
A chilling shriek startled me out of bed, like the cry of a bird of prey out for a kill. When I ran out on deck, I found exactly that. Gliding over the fleet was the silhouette of an enormous owl, letting out a haunting call and stirring up a gust with its giant wings. But what struck me most were the twin beams of red light emanating from its eyes. As the owl loomed overhead, its red glare passed over my on all of our ships. I ordered them to open fire on the demon, but they did nothing. They simply stood with blank expressions as if they had been entranced by the eerie glow. As I realized that I now stood alone, I heard an unearthly voice crackle from above. "COOPER...DIE…" No devil bird would get the best of this pirate.
The red glare passed over me, but it appeared to have no effect. Perhaps the hypnotic spell only worked on those with both eyes. Seizing the moment, I quickly sprang up the main mast. The bird circled around for another pass, giving me enough time to climb to the crow's nest. I crouched low and waited for the monster to soar over, then leaped up and hooked my cane-dagger into its face. The owl thrashed its head and cawed as I grappled on for dear life. I was surprised to find that its hide seemed to be made of iron. Avoiding the red gaze, I spun my dagger and drove the blade into its eye. With a howling shriek, the bird thrashed even more, and to my horror, its talon came up and severed my left hand. I fell into the drink and lost consciousness as the bird escaped.
I thought for sure that would be the end of me. But once again, my hearty crew came to my aid. They had broken free of the bird's hypnosis and rescued me from the water, the surgeon tending to my handless arm. He suggested that I was in no shape to continue on this hunt. I didn't care how many body parts I'd have to lose. Sinbad's treasure was still there, and it was calling my name. With no sign of the evil owl, our journey came to an end later that day. The caverns were filled to the brim with Arabian gold, mountains and mountains of it just waiting to be pilfered! It took three days just to haul it all aboard our fleet. There was more than enough to let every one of us retire like kings. My boys deserved it. A proper thief is nothing without a loyal crew.
Over the following year, my crew began divvying up the treasure and going into hiding. There were solemn farewells all around, but we knew we had become too rich to keep passing through the seas without attracting attention. And so, I took my share of the wealth and found a secluded island in the Caribbean where I would live out my days as a pirate queen in early retirement. I have even taken my first mate, Horatio, as a husband, with talks of starting a family already. I suppose in some twisted irony my parents finally got what they wanted from me. But my kits will not lead quiet lives. They will learn to become master thieves just like their ancestors.
With my remaining paw, I am writing this entry upon learning that I am pregnant. Suddenly the vision of continuing the Cooper line is being made real and I feel I must contribute my story. I still question with dread as to whether I will see that demonic bird again, considering it knew my name. But even more than a pirate protecting her treasure, I will defend my family to the death, should such a threat return. To all my children and grandchildren, keep your backs to the wind, your eyes on the horizon, and never stop seeking your treasure. Just don't try to outdo your granny Henrietta, scallywag.