Hi, Misha here! (o^^o)
Happy Birthday to US! (*≧∀≦*)
On August 18 of 2017, we published our first chapter of Feelings Under a Mask! The first chapter of this beautiful project! (Masquerade), And now we are delivering a new Insert! on the exact same day!
It's been a wild ride, but we are really happy and grateful for all the support and love this project had received. Thank you very much! ( ´౪` )
About this new Insert- It's NanaAinya Time!
If you are not familiar with the Masquerade Series and its inserts, we highly recommend you to read at least Lies Under a Mask! or Masquerade Ch 11. This chapter happens right after LUaM Ch 10 and between MasqCh11.
This is going to be a hot-messy-lovely insert about NanaAinya relationship.
Its related M for Mature content on the next chapters! You had been warned!
With no further issues, let's continue this lovely, dramatic and hot journey.
Please Enjoy!
Shards Under a Mask.
Chapter 1.
Sentimental.
—-**0. September 2016. 0**—
It was about time for her to stop fooling around and concentrate on what was important; her career.
And maybe Aina could just help her to gather all the shards Under her Mask, and keep going once again.
—**00**—
It was a chilly Saturday morning. The shy sun rays where softly warming up the bedroom in the purplish slumber of the reflection from the curtains. The place was quiet except for a loud tictac from the kitchen clock that was interrupting the peaceful environment.
A soft thump was heard on the sheets of the bed; a body laid flat on its back in a starfish position, arms open wide, legs fully extended, and a loud sigh followed next. The tired body fixed its sight and glued it straight on the white ceiling.
Suwa Nanaka laid there, on her bed, watching the cute grains of her ceiling, feeling her life passing right by her eyes.
She had just hung up the phone with Aina and then dropped dead on her bed, feeling the tiredness in her body, feeling it heavy, her eyes swollen, and the sensation of having like a knot in her throat.
She sighed once again, heavily.
Nanaka wished that her poor tired state and soreness was from training, dancing, something related to the Sunshine project or work, even if it was that she had stayed up late playing video games, but no.
She was heartbroken.
And now had to live with that pain.
Nanaka made a bitter expression and closed her eyes slowly and in pain; a lonely tear ran from her right eye and softly started to fall down her cheek.
She turned around to her right and hugged her pillow tightly, trying to suppress her sobs and her pain.
No matter how much she tried to avoid it, the memories still hunted her, the wound was still open, and no wonder why, the wound had been made only 12 hours ago.
After a year from the start of the Sunshine project, Suwa Nanaka had done something that she might be regretting right now, and that was starting a relationship with the youngest member of the group, Saito Shuka.
It had been Shuka who insisted on starting the relationship against all odds, the members, the contract, and everything, and it was Nanaka who later had insisted on keeping going on with a relationship that maybe was dead from the start.
And the previous night, after a Niconama and running against the clock for the "Third years" trip to Numazu, Shuka had determined that she had had enough of Nanaka's shit, but was too cowardly to end their relationship, so Nanaka had to do it for her.
Of course, that had made her fall in despair, and thanks to Aqours' efforts, they convinced the Chief to postpone the trip and give Nanaka a day off for her to recover. (Of course, they thought that Nanaka had fainted because she lacked rest, not because Shuka had taken her heart away...) But, Aina knew the truth and was such a kind soul that she had brought her home and did everything for her to now wake up in her bed in the warmth of her sheets.
And because Aina cared about her; she had called and invited Nanaka to have lunch with her.
Nanaka stopped sobbing and with a clumsy hand dried her tears.
Aina is coming...
And I'm here mopping around, still crying...
Geeeeeeeeez—
Nanaka let out buff and sat straight in her bed, drying her eyes.
She couldn't let herself down because of that. She needed to bear the fact that now she was alone, and there was no Shuka to hold her back anymore.
The feeling of loneliness and emptiness invaded her. She brought her hands to cover her face and softly started to massage it.
It's all right... it's gonna be fine...
At her twenty-one years old, she had already experienced some love pains, this wasn't new, and surely would survive again. The difficulty was that she worked with Shuka, so she might need to see her every day, and that was the tricky part.
How was Shuka going to react? The fact that no other member than Aina knew about it, and the consequences that this break up could suppose for Aqours.
Everything looked like falling apart.
Well, there's nothing for me to do about it now...
What is done...is done!
And with that thought, she removed the sheets off her body with some strength, letting a fluffy plushie fall onto the floor.
"Oh..." said Nanaka softly and stood up from her bed to grab it; it wasn't one of her usual plushies. Actually, it wasn't even hers, it was from Aina.
The plushie was a cute Mari that Aina had left the night before since she couldn't stay with Nanaka, to hold her or comfort her, but Aina had the delicate detail to leave the little Mari in her bed for company. Maybe for Nanaka to understand that she wasn't alone.
"I'm sorry, you fell..." said Nanaka softly, looking at the plushie, "I should return you to your owner today..." she said touching Mari's cheek.
Then remembered that she had also received one from production, a little Kanan.
Nanaka took her sight out of the plushie to scan her room. The place looked clean and neat, her clothes folded over her desk, her bag forgotten on the floor.
She walked towards her bag, still with Mari in her hands, and grabbed it. She put it on top of her bed where she slowly opened it. With her right hand, she dived inside looking for her plushie.
It wasn't there.
Nanaka made a bitter face. Then she brought her hand towards her forehead, scratching it.
She felt as if she had a terrible hangover, like if last night she had had a huge party, a terrible one, because she was feeling sore, beaten and tired, and with mental blanks that were very painful to restore.
"Uhm…" she hummed, "Maybe I left it in production's office? I can't remember..."
Nanaka then looked at the plushie with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry, I wanted to give you some company..." she locked gazes with Mari and couldn't help but smile goofily.
Maybe it was silly to be there talking with a plushie, but she was kind of used to doing that with things in her house. Nanaka being an only child was used to being alone and somewhat surrounded by cute things to talk to. But this time, the plushie was a Mari, and she couldn't help but imagine Mari's voice answering back... and the only voice she could hear, was Aina's.
"It's ok... I have other friends for you to hang out with..." said Nanaka smiling at the plushie, and then fixed her sight towards her huge Sanrio collection of plushies that were perfectly placed on one side of her bed.
Eh... I don't remember that either...
She scratched her chin while narrowing her eyes towards them. Then she looked at herself; she was wearing her pajamas. She opened her eyes wide in amusement.
She didn't recall that either.
Nanaka gasped at the huge revelation; Aina had done it for her.
Aina had taken her home, Aina prepared the bed, Aina undressed her, Aina dressed her with her PJs, and Aina had left everything clean and neat for her.
Aina saw me naked.
Plushie Mari fell once again onto the floor.
.
.
Of course, it wasn't the first time that Aina had seen her naked; they used to see each other almost every day in the changing room, -maybe not naked-naked, or maybe not so aware of it- but last night, in that situation, Nanaka was such a mopping mess that she didn't realize that Aina had her, and had taken care of her, and then left.
Aina had her golden opportunity to do whatever she pleased with Nanaka in that poor state, but she didn't, in fact, she even refused to stay, no matter how much Nanaka had asked her to, or wanted her to.
Aina said no because she loved her too much.
And maybe at the moment, it looked like a big betrayal, but Aina had left that cute Mari plushie behind, to remind her that she wasn't alone, and that was a very nice detail.
That gave Nanaka a good impression of her. That was what a good friend did.
A friend...?
Yes...she is my friend... but she wanted more...right?
She wanted to be something else with me, but—
Nanaka was in the kitchen when her train of thought was abruptly interrupted by the sound of her doorbell.
A few hours had passed since Aina's call; of course, Nanaka couldn't sleep anymore, no matter how tired and beaten she felt. Life went on, and so did the day, and she had agreed to go with Aina to have lunch.
So with much regret, Nanaka took her leftover energy and started her day.
First thing first; she turned on the TV, just to hear noise.
Then took a quick bath, washed her hair, did her nails, put on her contacts, and dressed up with some home clothes. She didn't even bother wearing makeup or doing her hair. She wasn't feeling particularly pretty, or happy, or anything to put on her girly outfits or spending more time with makeup.
Aina knew she was hurt, that she was sad and unhappy, there was no point in putting on a Mask for her. What for? She needed to save that energy for Monday morning to face the rest of the members, Shuka, the project, and life itself.
After her no beauty session, she tried to make some breakfast, but as she wasn't feeling energetic enough and sucked hard in the cooking department, so she just grabbed a pudding and made some green tea, which she ate and drank almost like in autopilot while staring at anything on the TV.
When her neck was a bit sore from that position, she determined that she needed to move and went to her room to arrange it.
So, she was in the kitchen, washing the spoon from her pudding when she heard the doorbell ringing; surely that was Aina.
They had only set the time for the meeting, but not the place, so Aina just dropped by Nanaka's house.
"Coming~!" shouted Nanaka drying her hands with the kitchen towel, and then walked at her slow pace towards the main door.
She lazily opened the door greeting a really nervous and wobbly Aina, who opened her eyes big and wide as she stopped even breathing at the moment their gazes met.
Aina made a goofy smile, while Nanaka just gave Aina her "Suwa face".
Aina was wearing a long brown skirt, moccasins, and a black and purple long sports jacket. On her head, a cap.
"Suwawa! Good afternoon!" snapped Aina in her loud and goofy tone; Nanaka blinked a few times and moved to the side, opening the door wide for Aina to come in.
"Welcome..." mumbled Nanaka softly.
"Pardon the intrusions..." said Aina softly, moving inside and taking her shoes off; Nanaka just closed the door and moved inside in her slow pace.
"Thanks for having me..." said Aina again; Nanaka stopped and looked at her back, still with her "Suwa face".
They locked gazes.
Aina stepped inside and took out her cap; her hair was loose like Nanaka's.
She gave her a big and wide smile that melted Nanaka's heart. Aina left her bag and cap on the entrance hanger.
"You look beautiful..." said Aina softly, turning towards Nanaka.
"Eh?..." snorted Nanaka incredulous.
Nanaka was wearing her house clothes; big pants and an oversized sweater, whatever made her feel comfy. Aina was lucky that Nanaka had at least put her contacts on, but the thing was that maybe the word "Beautiful" was a bit too much for the poor effort had made Nanaka to meet her.
"What?" asked Aina softly, walking towards her while seeing Nanaka look at her funny.
"Don't talk nonsense..." said Nanaka dryly.
"I'm not..." said Aina.
She stopped in front of her with a serious face; Nanaka raised her eyebrows.
"Aina, I'm all misaligned..." said Nanaka softly and with a knot in her throat.
Not to mention heartbroken, beaten and tired...
Aina grabbed Nanaka's hands and held them in hers with such tenderness that Nanaka's heart skipped a few beats. Aina didn't break her gaze with Nanaka's.
"Suwawa, I saw you yesterday...and I'm watching you today, right now...I see differences, I can tell how beautiful you are without that mask of yours...and without all the pain you just let go..."
Nanaka gave her a sad face; for a moment, she had forgotten her pain, but Aina reminded her that she was almost nakedly showing her feelings. How messed up was she the previous night for Aina to see the beauty in someone that broken?
"That's—" tried Nanaka, but Aina interrupted her.
"I don't want to see you like that again...never! Never ever!... It broke my heart...and I felt so helpless..." finished Aina softly, looking at her shoes in shame.
Nanaka stood there for a few seconds, blinking and taking Aina's feelings in.
Of course, it broke Aina's heart. Watching how Shuka had left Nanaka after the breakup, and actually, Shuka was clueless about it. Seeing your crush all sad, crying and helpless, because someone else had broken her heart, it would for sure make you sad.
"Don't...don't worry..." said Nanaka softly, "It won't happen again...I'm sorry..."
Aina looked up at her with a frown.
"Why are you apologizing?..." said Aina and softly left Nanaka's hand, "I told you yesterday that you don't need to worry about me..."
"But I am, Aina, you—" tried Nanaka.
"Stop, stop, geez!" said Aina recovering her goofy tone and walking towards the living room.
She stopped right in front of the coffee table and giggled.
"You are so cute Suwawa-chan..." she said in her mocking tone.
Nanaka walked at her pace towards Aina; after all those months that Aina had stayed over, it wasn't weird if she just stepped inside the place, move and touch everything Nanaka had in her home without a care. It felt almost as if Aina lived there too.
"I see you are carrying her around..." said Aina with the tip of her lips curved, and little Mari plushie in her hands.
Nanaka blinked a few times, her cheeks slightly red; yes, she was carrying around the plushie. From time to time, she even talked to her too.
"Well, you...you left it here for company...didn't you...?" said Nanaka embarrassed and moving fast to take the plushie out of Aina's hands.
"Yes I did...glad that it helped..." said Aina giggling, "You are so cute Suwa-chan ..."
"Stop it..." said Nanaka embarrassed.
Aina sat on the sofa looking at the TV.
"What were you watching?" she asked; Nanaka sat beside her with the plushie still in her hands.
"Nothing really..."
"Oh, just for noise..." murmured Aina, then she looked at her with a sweet smile.
They locked gazes.
Nanaka felt lost in Aina's eyes. They were big, clear and sweet.
The way Aina was smiling at her, those sweet lips, inviting her to feel calm, relaxed, and somehow, loved.
Then a thought stroked Nanaka's mind.
Maybe a full minute passed before someone spoke.
"Did you take my Kanan plushie?..." asked Nanaka dryly, still playing around with the Mari plushie.
Aina smiled wide at her, then laughed loudly like an old man.
"You did..." said Nanaka with a serious tone.
"I'm sorry...Yes yes, I did..." said Aina nervously, "It wasn't fair..."
"Fair...? That's stealing..."
"Ow! C'mon! You are so hard! I left you Plushie Mari!" said Aina in her loud tone pointing out the plushie in Nanaka's hand.
"You left it here with me! I didn't take it from you, it's different!" retorted Nanaka.
"But...because of... I...I couldn't stay!... I... I needed something...something from you too..." finished Aina softly and shyly.
Nanaka blinked a few times, her mouth in an "o" shape.
Nanaka knew that Aina was dying for her, that she was so kind, but so masochistic, that she supported the NanaShuka relationship no matter if Nanaka crushed her heart every time. Aina was always there to pick up Nanaka's pieces.
But she wasn't there last night, in her weakest moment.
"Then...why... why didn't you stay with me last night then...?" asked Nanaka softly but seriously; she stopped playing around with the plushie.
Aina's goofy smile and nervous face changed into a more serious mode. She took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry..." said Aina softly.
"Why take Kanan plushie when you could have stayed...?" continued Nanaka.
"Suwawa, it wasn't fair... and it wasn't right!" tried Aina still in her serious mode.
"Why? I asked you to!" said Nanaka in a desperate tone.
Aina bit her lips, her eyebrows raised in sadness, as her eyes widened with tears.
Both stood in silence looking at each other. Both with sadness on their faces; it was painful to remember the previous night's events, how sad and broken Nanaka was, how she had begged Aina to stay and she just refused.
Aina took her gaze away and looked at her hands that were resting on her lap.
"Suwawa I couldn't...not because I didn't want to...I told you that leaving you in that condition broke my heart...and the only thing I could do was leave that plushie with you, and pray for you to be better today..." said Aina in her serious tone, Nanaka rested the plushie on the coffee table.
"I'm glad that it helped you, and I'm glad you are better..." continued Aina, "I...I love you, you know that..."
"Yes, you do...too much, and that's why you didn't stay," said Nanaka with bitterness, not understanding the reason on that.
If she loved her, why the hell didn't she stay?! She needed support, comfort, a goddamn hug!
"Suwawa, what would Shukashuu think if she knew that I had spent the night with you…?" asked Aina, still in her serious mode, Nanaka's heart stopped.
Hearing Shuka being named was painful.
Nanaka didn't say a thing. Her sight glued to the plushie on the coffee table.
"It wasn't right..." said Aina softly, "We are group, we are Aqours, we both know the damage of you breaking up with her would do, imagine me in the equation...more than I already am..."
Nanaka blinked softly; of course, production had already fucked it up hard time putting Aina playing the NanaAinya thing with Nanaka. That, actually made a huge contribution for Shuka to lose her shit and send the relationship to hell.
So, yes, if Shuka knew that Aina spent the night with her after 2 hours passed from the breakup, maybe Shuka would have broken into her home looking for explanations or could make a big scene with the members, or whatever, at that point Shuka was a mystery.
"I have always told you that your happiness is important to me..." continued Aina, "I care about you, I care about Shukashuu, and of course, the group...Aqours is important..."
"But you are here today...what's the difference between last night and today?" asked Nanaka.
Her situation was the same last night as right now, where was the moral? If Aina wanted to do something, it could have been the previous night as much as at that moment.
"Lunch of course!" snapped Aina now in her goofy mode, somehow breaking the serious mood; Aina moved towards Nanaka and grabbed her right arm, locking it with her own, "And because there's no place like you~" she said with the biggest smile ever.
Nanaka's heart skipped a beat. Her cheeks red in embarrassment, as her ears.
Cu...cute...
"Suwawa, I love spending time with you, that's not new either... Understand that last night was a mess, you needed space...to cry alone...you...you are hurt...the wound is too fresh...and I respect you, Shukashuu...and Aqours...I just couldn't stay, right now I'm here as a friend." finished Aina resting her head on Nanaka's shoulder.
Geez— you are not making this easy then!
Nanaka said a soft "Uhm", telling Aina that she understood the situation.
"So, you don't mind if I stay with little 'Kanan plushie' right? You can stay with 'Mari-chan!', please tell me if you do something nasty with her— "
Nanaka twitched her tongue and made a movement for Aina to leave her shoulder; Aina's head did, but she didn't let go of her arm.
"Perv!" said Nanaka with her dry tone, Aina laughed like an old man.
"Me? Perv? You are the one who's carrying the plushie around..." said Aina still laughing.
"Mou, that's different...she is company!" retorted Nanaka looking at Aina with her tired "Suwa face".
"I can have company in my bed too..." said Aina curling the tip of her lips.
"Stop it, weren't you here as a friend...? Behave like one..." said Nanaka in a scolding tone.
"Oh, right right ...I'm sorry..." said Aina holding back her giggles.
"Good..." said Nanaka taking a deep breath, "Thank you Aina..." she added in her soft and serious tone, then looked at her with a shy smile.
"Don't mention it..." she smiled back.
Then both stayed looking at each other with sweet and dangerous gazes. Nanaka thanked that the noises from the TV camouflaged her hard and loud pounding heart. Maybe if she wasn't feeling so beaten and tired she could just kiss her...
No, I can't...
What am I even thinking after that speech she gave me...
Nanaka, you were dumped yesterday...you can't, it's not fair...
Nanaka shook her head and stood up abruptly. The sexual tension was just too high, no matter that she had just been dumped by Shuka, or that she felt deep sadness about it; she just couldn't ignore that she felt attracted by Aina and her cuteness, so Nanaka determined that it was dangerous to stay with Aina in the house.
"Ok...so you are here for lunch..." said Nanaka quickly moving out of the sofa; Aina gasped in surprise, maybe she was also deliberating if she should stick with her morality and good behavior and not start making out with Nanaka on the sofa, raw and hot...
Well, she was there "because lunch", and Nanaka needed to make sure she wasn't on the menu...
"Oh...are you going to cook?" snapped Aina amused.
"Eh? Cook? Tssss, no...I suck at it remember?" said Nanaka disappearing in the hall towards the rooms and bathroom; Aina laughed at that statement.
"Then?... You want me to cook?" Nanaka heard in the distance.
Nanaka just entered in her room and walked to her dresser; she opened it and tried to look for another sweater. It was true that she wasn't feeling girly and up for dressing more fancy, or to even go out, but she decreed that staying in her house with Aina wasn't a good idea.
Not quite sure why, but she felt it in her belly; something was wrong, having Aina at home screamed loud and clear that temptations were too high. And no matter if Aina had told her that whole speech on morality and decency, the truth was that both desired each other, and the wound was still open.
She took a one-piece dress out of her closet. She gave the window a quick glance.
It was chilly during the morning...I think it's going to rain tomorrow...
Nanaka returned her gaze towards her closet and put the one-piece dress back and took another thicker.
She didn't have the luxury to get sick or catch a cold.
She left the dress on her bed; quickly took her oversized pants off and also left them on the bed, then took off her sweater.
She was left in her undies.
Nanaka bent down to take her new dress but almost dropped it because of a loud gasp from the door.
"Oh oh! Sorry!" said Aina in the entrance of the room; Nanaka turned slightly towards Aina, shyly covering her body with the dress.
"Ai...Aina..." said Nanaka softly, her cheeks bright red.
Both locked gazes; Aina was frozen in place. Despite the fact that she had caught Nanaka in her undies and in a very embarrassing position, she didn't move.
They fell deeply silent in that intense gaze competition. Maybe Aina was mentally undressing her; maybe she was fantasizing about coming in and pushing Nanaka back on her bed, catch her lips in a wet and messy kiss, straddle her and...
"Suwawa, are you Here?..."
Nanaka heard, snapping her out of her "Suwa world". She shook her head softly, Aina had walked a few steps towards her with a worried expression.
"You didn't answer my questions back in the living room, so I came to check...on you..." Aina was saying when she figured out that she was talking in more than one sense. Nanaka opened her eyes wide, and as a reflex, covered more of her body.
"You, you...you know I didn't mean that!" snapped Aina with her cheeks wild red, "I'm worried! You are ...you live in your world! And you weren't answering! Don't ...don't blame me..." Aina said, stumping her words.
"Besides! I got to see you every time in the changing room I'm not seeing anything new!" finished Aina in her loud tone.
"And...you want?" asked Nanaka shyly; then mentally facepalmed, why on Earth did she want to provoke Aina?
"Want what?..." asked Aina softly and a bit shocked.
"See, something...new..." said Nanaka softly but shyly. Her heart pounding fast and hard once again.
Feeling the cold breeze on the naked parts of her body, mostly her bare, but somehow feeling excited about it.
She could clearly hear Aina swallowing hard.
Both stayed in that position for about a full minute of painful silence. Maybe deliberating what to say or what to do; Nanaka exposed some intentions that she clearly couldn't before, and Aina was having a moral debate in her mind.
Yes, Shuka broke up with her the night before. Yes, Aina was in love with Nanaka. Yes, the wound was still fresh. And yes, Nanaka was scared.
So was Aina.
"Su...Suwawa..." called Aina with a soft voice and a sad face, "When I said that I came for lunch...I didn't mean you..."
Nanaka blinked a few times. That line was said in a serious tone, but the message sounded like a joke.
Was Aina joking?
"Put...put on your dress..." said Aina softly, turning her back to Nanaka and walking out of the room.
It felt like a bucket of cold water.
Aina had rejected her.
Nanaka was almost naked there for her, and Aina was just so above her.
"Ai...Aina!" called Nanaka in a shy but clear tone.
Aina stopped in the doorframe but didn't turn back.
"Yes?" said Aina softly, still not looking.
Nanaka raised her eyebrows in sadness; it was clear, Aina didn't want anything to do with her, she was there as a friend.
Maybe Aina saw through her, doing something so soon was scary for both.
With quick movements, she put on her dress.
"I...can you help me ...with the zipper?" asked Nanaka softly; Aina turned around and blinked a few times, seeing Nanaka with her dress. She nodded.
Aina walked softly towards Nanaka; the later turned around exposing the zipper.
"I guess, Mama Suwa is the one who does this for ya'..." asked Aina fixing Nanaka's dress.
"Yes, she is the one who helps me..." said Nanaka softly grabbing her hair for Aina to have a better view of the zipper and her back.
"Where are they by the way...?" asked Aina zipping her up. "You are set!"
Nanaka turned around at her pace facing Aina.
"Well, since it was supposed that we would be in Numazu shooting the 'Tekuteku', both left for the weekend..." said Nanaka with sadness.
"I'm sorry..." said Aina with an apologetic smile.
"Uhm, it's ok..." said Nanaka recovering her "Suwa tone", then walked to the dresser to close it.
"About lunch..." said Aina softly; Nanaka looked at her.
"Since your parents are gone, you want me to cook for ya'?" asked Aina shyly.
Nanaka blinked a few times and gave her a sad smile.
"No, let's go out...I have put on a dress for the occasion..." said Nanaka extending her arms for Aina to see it.
"With you, it's always an occasion..." said Aina softly with a shy smile.
Nanaka blinked a few times and couldn't help but feel annoyed.
She was almost naked a few minutes ago and Aina had rejected her, but now Aina was flirting? Was that ok? Was that right?
That's why we need to get out!
Here, the tension is just too high!
"Well, we will go and celebrate my failed relationship and how broke...that's an occasion..." said Nanaka with sarcasm.
Aina gave her a sad gaze.
"You don't have to play tough ya' know? I know you are hurt..." said Aina in a sad tone.
"I'm not playing tough... I'm being realistic..." said Nanaka walking out of the room, Aina followed.
"You are talking from the pain Suwawa..." continued Aina behind her; Nanaka entered the dressing room before the bathroom to do her hair.
Nanaka grabbed her comb and looked back at Aina, she stopped in the doorframe with a shy smile.
Maybe it was better when I was around with the Mari plushie; at least I just imagined her answers in Aina's voice...
Nanaka blinked a few times and then she turned around once again to start combing her hair.
"I'm sorry..." mumbled Aina in a sad tone; Nanaka locked gazes with her through the mirror.
It wasn't fair, Aina was there to support Nanaka and she was being rude.
"Uhm, don't worry..." said Nanaka softly, "I'm sorry for making you wait too..."
"Oh...yeah, why weren't you ready?" asked Aina in a more goofy tone.
"I didn't feel like going out...what would suit me better? Loose? Pigtails? The damn ponytail…?" asked Nanaka with the comb in her hands, still looking at Aina through the mirror.
"Everything…? Oh, Suwawa if you don't want to go out, we can have something here, I can cook again...or delivery?" said Aina fidgety.
"I can't do everything...pick one," said Nanaka with annoyance.
"Eh, eh...I like your hair loose..." said Aina shyly with her cheeks bright red.
"Loose Eh?..." mumbled Nanaka not quite convinced.
Shuka liked pigtails...
Nanaka stop it!
"Whatever you do would look cute on you..." said Aina looking somewhere else.
"Right..." said Nanaka and put some cute pins in her hair, then grabbed some makeup and determined that after all, she needed to put some on; then recalled that there was another person in the room. She locked gazes with Aina through the mirror and raised her eyebrows.
Aina smiled wide at her.
Nanaka continued her task.
They could stay in deep silence enjoying each other's presence. Aina's attention was on Nanaka's prodigious hands, and how she moved her makeup tools from one place to another, and how she seemed so focused on her task; it reminded her of how Aina was so focused and skilled when it was about cooking.
Nanaka could stand in the kitchen's doorframe for hours watching Aina so concentrated and focused on the task, well, the makeup thing was the same for Aina.
Well, if Shuka was here...sure she would be all over the place... and maybe she would ask me to do her makeup and nails... or be doing silly things for attention...actually she wouldn't let me finish...
But that's not going to happen again...
That's over...
Stop it already!
Nanaka closed her lipstick.
"Ok...I think I'm done..." murmured Nanaka looking at her reflection; she indeed was looking better than a half an hour ago. She turned to look at Aina.
"I'm sorry..." she apologized.
Aina shook her head and smiled wide.
"Don't mention it...I don't get to see this in the changing room...not with this calm and patience..." said Aina in a soft tone, "So...?"
Nanaka raised her eyebrows as if she had just remembered that Aina had asked her some questions.
"Right...lunch..." said Nanaka softly and walked towards Aina, "Well...actually, I wasn't feeling that fine to go out, that's why I was in my house clothes..."
"That's why I offered to cook...if you don't fee—" tried Aina.
"Ainya~ I'm already dressed and my makeup is done...let's go out~..." said Nanaka, now in a mellow tone.
Aina opened her big eyes wide and curled the tip of her lips.
She couldn't say no to cute Suwa Nanaka and her mellow tone, maybe that made Aina's heart skip some beats.
"Ok... let's go out then..." said Aina in her serious tone, but with a smile on her face.
Both walked towards the entrance; Nanaka stopped in the living room to turn off the TV and put little Mari plushie in the sofa facing the TV.
"I'll be right back..." said Nanaka softly.
"Sure! Take your time! And enjoy~ Shiny~!" said Aina in Mari's voice behind her in the entrance; Nanaka turned to her with a goofy face.
"You are so weird..." said Nanaka in her dry tone, Aina opened her eyes wide in surprise.
"You are talking to a plushie and I'm the weird one?!" asked Aina in a funny tone, Nanaka giggled.
She walked at her pace to the entrance; grabbed a cute beret and matching cardigan that were hanging there in the hanger, Aina imitated her and took her cap off the hanger and her bag.
"So, do you know what you want to eat?" asked Aina hanging her bag on her shoulder.
"Eh, no...ice cream?... I just had a pudding...and tea..." said Nanaka taking her shoes out of a closet.
"How do you do it?" asked Aina at her back.
"Do what?"
"Eating so badly and not gain any weight...?" asked Aina with a serious tone; Nanaka took out matching shoes and looked at Aina with her "Suwa face", then blinked a few times.
"That's not true...I gained weight..." said Nanaka and started to put her shoes on.
"Eh?! Where? You become even thinner..." said Aina with her goofy tone.
Nanaka laughed softly.
"Well, I guess when the rehearsals for the First Live start I'll become thinner..." said Nanaka finishing with her shoes.
"That's no good, you need to eat properly! Or you will faint for real," said Aina in a more scolding tone.
Nanaka looked at her with a surprised look.
Normally no one would tell her what to do or not. She had become a responsible adult at the age of 18 when she started her career as a Seiyuu and in the industry. Her parents started to be out of the place more often too, so she had learned to be by herself and solve her own problems. From time to time, her manager talked to her about her health, or if she needed something specific for a role, for example when she auditioned for the role of Kanan, she went into a special diet to fit the muscular physique that Kanan had.
But normally no one would take care of her, or show concern about her health, and clearly, when she was with Shuka, it was the other way around.
Aina was taking care of her.
Nanaka frowned.
"I'll be fine...don't worry..." said Nanaka a bit annoyed, "You know I'm not a good eater..." she grabbed her purse, her keys, and walked out of her house with Aina close behind.
"Maybe you can buy some supplements..." continued Aina more thoughtful.
"I'll think about it..." said Nanaka closing her doors, "So! Where should we be going to? Any ideas?"
Aina looked at her with her big and sweet eyes, blinked a few times, and then she giggled.
"I-... this is not my neighborhood I ...don't know what's around...I thought I ...would cook for you..." then Aina laughed nervously.
Nanaka blinked a few times.
Why would Aina come and cook?
"Weren't you the one of the idea of having lunch together...I thought you would bring something..." said Nanaka softly.
"Yeah Yeah, I know... I didn't think that much ahead..." said Aina scratching the back of her neck, "Mostly I wanted to see you and see how were you doing, I think you shouldn't be on your own alone today...and I don't know, spend time with you?" finished Aina shyly with both indexes touching together in embarrassment.
From all people... you?
Nanaka blinked softly and sighed.
"Well, since my parents weren't expecting me this weekend...there's nothing in the fridge beside pudding... and I really don't feel like staying at home if you are here, also, it's not fair for you to cook, it's your day off too...and since I'm already dressed up and such, let's go out..." said Nanaka in her low and boring tone.
"Wow, you are so excited about it..." mocked Aina.
"I am..."
"Well, what do you wanna eat? Guess not rice..." said Aina walking towards the elevator and pressing the button.
Nanaka giggled.
"Whatever as long as there's ice cream as dessert..." said Nanaka waiting for the bell to ring.
Aina laughed like an old man about it.
Certainly, Nanaka's neighborhood wasn't Aina's expertise.
When they use to hang out, it was close to the Lantis building or right in the commercial area, even in Akihabara, but Aina made sure to stay far from Nanaka's neighborhood for the only reason that she didn't want to have a casual encounter with Shuka and Nanaka, having a date for example.
The last time they hung out in Nanaka's territory was for her last birthday where they went to a Moriva Coffee, and not so long ago when Aina cooked for Nanaka and they had to do some grocery shopping. But normally, when Aina stayed in her house they just walked from the station towards her place and that was it. And normally they did it while having a chitchatting lively -mostly Aina talking- and of course, she could have passed by a lot of restaurants or nice places without realizing.
This time wasn't any different.
Aina grabbed Nanaka's hand and let her guide her through the neighborhood while talking about everything and nothing. As for Nanaka, Aina grabbing her hand was something cute, Aina being so short and walking around in crowded places might make her get lost, so they usually did that. Of course, not in Shuka's presence. But this time it was necessary because it was a Saturday afternoon, and of course, all the commercial area was crowded.
Luckily for Aina, the walk didn't last long. The commercial area extended for about 3 long streets from the main avenue of the neighborhood, and it had an extensive variety for different tastes, shapes, and people around.
They stood in one corner watching one of the streets from side to side.
"Ok, so...what's your mood?" asked Nanaka tightening her grip on Aina's hand.
"I'm hungry actually...I want something big..." said Aina giggling.
Nanaka made an apologetic smile; Aina was known within the Aqours members to be one of the gluttons, besides King and Rikako.
"I'm sorry, we took long because I wasn't ready..." apologized Nanaka.
"It's ok...I loved to see what I saw..." said Aina boldly with her smile wide; Nanaka's cheeks became wild red, Aina giggled, "You put on your makeup of course, what else? Suwawa so lewd!" finished Aina in her old man tone.
The makeup, right...
You saw me almost naked and bare...
Geez...
"Seeing that it's worth my big appetite... maybe that only made it bigger...to see you..." mumbled Aina at the end softly, but Nanaka could hear it, she squeezed her hand a bit tougher.
"Aina stop that..." scolded Nanaka.
"Sorry... don't get Sentimental, ok, ok, let's focus..." said Aina watching the street, "Since it was my idea, and I'm the one who's hungry...AND, the one who is treating... I'll choose..."
"Ok..." said Nanaka without any complaining, or even a glimpse of the excitement.
Aina I can't get you at all... your moral speech and your rejection before, but flirting with me anyways...
This is no right...
"Where was 'Moriva Coffee' ?" asked Aina.
Nanaka looked at her left.
"That way..." she pointed, "You want to go to Moriva again?"
"Eh?! No, I told you I'm hungry for something big...not something like a sandwich..." said Aina with her goofy tone, "Just to know where are we..."
Of course, Aina's sense of orientation was terrible.
Then a cold wind passed by making them squeeze towards each other.
"Geez—" snapped Aina grabbing her cap; Nanaka hugged her as a reflex.
"I think it's going to rain..." said Nanaka softly, resisting the cold wind, "Maybe something hot?"
"That's a good idea..." said Aina against her chest.
Nanaka's heart started to pound fast.
"Ok..." said Nanaka softly and nervously; Aina separated from her body with her cheeks wild red. Of course, the wind passed.
"Thank you..." said Aina shyly, but Nanaka grabbed her hand once again.
"I know a good place...what about Udon?" asked Nanaka trying to not pay attention to the hug.
"Oh~! UDON! Yes! Yes! That sounds great!" said Aina in her highs and lows tones.
"Ok, but with the condition that you can't laugh..." said Nanaka seriously; of course, Aina snorted.
"Is it a fancy restaurant?...geez, Suwawa, you and your fancy tastes! Remember that I'm not fancy and I'm paying for—" but Aina was interrupted by Nanaka's index on her lips
"You talk too much..." said Nanaka in her dry tone; Aina curled the tip of her lips.
Nanaka smiled at her, removed her finger from Aina's lips, still feeling the softness of her lips on it, and then started to move to their left while still holding hands.
Indeed they passed in front of Moriva Coffee and kept the pace in a sweet silence towards the place Nanaka was recommending. Maybe both of them felt very embarrassed about what just had happened, from the hug to the finger on Aina's lips. The truth was that Nanaka would've liked to just shush her with a kiss; those plump and soft lips, but not, after the rejection in her own room, an almost naked for Aina to take whatever she wanted from, she felt scared to try something new, even if Aina was still sending her some coded messages.
Everything was saying that Aina wanted, but was scared to cross the line too. And in the back of Nanaka's mind, it made sense; she had just been dumped by Shuka, she was still hurt, and it didn't feel right to move with the wound still open. Maybe there was some "friendship code"?
Don't screw the ex of one of your colleagues? Wait one month to make a move?
But what was that Nanaka wanted? Did she want to do Aina already? Wait...
That felt wrong... I don't do people...
I make love to them...and not just any people...it's not people, those are persons, it was Shuka, no one else...
...
A cold sweat ran down her spine. Her hands felt sweaty and without even thinking she was tightening her teeth, she felt her eyes watery.
The wound was still open and fresh.
Thinking about Shuka and how she was her only one, that she just couldn't try in her life the way of "one nail takes out another". It felt wrong and, of course, she wasn't ready.
"Suwawa..." called Aina; suddenly Nanaka stopped abruptly on the sidewalk. Aina had stopped, and because they were holding hands it made Nanaka stop too. She looked back at Aina with a surprised look.
Aina looked at her with her big eyes and a sad face.
"Are you ok? Want a handkerchief?" she offered; Nanaka blinked a few times and realized that she was crying.
With her free hand, she dried her tears.
"I'm ok...don't worry..." she lied.
"Ok...are we there yet?" asked Aina softly.
Nanaka looked at her surrounds; they were walking through a "Napoli's" a pizza and café.
"Almost there, a few more steps..." said Nanaka without looking at Aina and started to walk again.
They walked at a fast pace, it seemed like Nanaka wanted to be seated with food in front of her as soon as possible, to be distracted, and to not think about any possibilities of crossing a line with Aina, or to be reminded that she and Shuka were no longer a thing.
Suddenly she stopped. She looked at her right and sighed softly.
"Are we there? Is it here...?" asked Aina in her goofy tone.
"Yes, we are here..." said Nanaka dryly.
Both looked at their right, but Aina suddenly broke into her old man laughter.
"Hey! You promised to not laugh..." said Nanaka looking at Aina with annoyance.
"I never promised that! Geez— I need to take a picture of this..." Aina kept saying while laughing.
Nanaka raised an eyebrow and let go of Aina's hand.
They reached a "Hanamaru Udon" restaurant.
Yes, it had King's character's name, it was a Sunshine inside joke, but damn! The udon was just delicious.
Aina took the picture and sent it to King to mock her of course. Then they went inside.
It could be said that it was like fast food for Udon. The place looked comfy and clean, but all the tables were bars, so it was clear that it was a place for eating alone. But most importantly, it didn't look fancy as Aina had thought.
"This place looks nice..." said Aina walking in.
"It is..."
"Do you come often? Looks like a place you could come to eat alone..." asked Aina with a sad tone.
"Look, there are side dishes too, you can have rice...or this Udon with curry..." said Nanaka clearly avoiding the question and showing Aina the menu.
"Oh...good..." said Aina taking the menu in her hands and giving Nanaka a weird look.
A waitress came to welcomed them and offered them a sit on one of the bars, which they kindly took. Because there were bars, that meant that the chairs were tall, Aina had a hard time trying to get onto one of the chairs, it made Nanaka's heart melt from cutenesses.
And of course, because there were bars and no proper tables, they sat beside each other. Aina's legs hung cutely.
They took a minute to study the menu, but mostly for Aina, Nanaka already knew what to order.
Aina's big appetite was reflected in her big sized order; the large size of curry Udon, side of green onions and a bowl of rice, followed by 3 tempura shrimps. Nanaka just ordered the medium size of the classic "Oroshi-Syou-Yu", consisting of noodles, daikon radish, and soy sauce. It was medium sized mostly because Aina insisted and she felt too bad ordering too much food and Nanaka just getting a small sized bowl.
"I'm saving for the ice cream," said Nanaka shyly, but the truth was that she didn't feel very hungry.
But seemed that Aina was starving.
"I'm sorry, we took too long and you just want to eat the whole store..." said Nanaka getting comfy.
"Oh, Suwawa, you should know that I'm a big eater...this is nothing..." said Aina in her goofy tone, "And remember that this is my treat, so you don't have to worry about paying for my gluttony..."
Nanaka blinked a few times; that was an important point, if they started dating, she should have to invite Aina to dinner sometimes, and this woman ate three times what Nanaka did.
"Wow..." snapped Nanaka at that realization. She massaged her temples.
Shuka used to eat quite a lot too, but not as much as Aina. Also, Aina was really good at snacking, so that might be another expense to treat her.
Wait...why do I want to treat her? Why am I thinking about these things?! She is not my girlfriend!
"Suwawa?" called Aina softly by her side; Nanaka snapped out of her world too look at her, "What?"
"Nothing..." lied Nanaka again.
"Really?"
"Well, " started Nanaka softly, "l knew you ate a lot...I can see it in practice...but, don't you think it's a bit much? Weren't you talking about gaining weight and such?"
"Oh, I see, hahaha, Suwawa, there's a difference...this is nutritious food! Your 'ice cream diet' is junk food! And besides, as you said, when the First Live's practice starts, we all will lose some weight, I'm counting on that!" said Aina with a happy tone.
Nanaka looked at her with an incredulous face.
"What?! It's true, we need to eat! We are still developing!" kept saying Aina in a happy tone. "We are building stamina and such..."
"I still believe you eat too much..." said Nanaka softly; Aina just laughed.
The waitress arrived with the food and placed the check in a tiny can beside them.
It was a plastic tray with the bowls. While Aina's looked crowded and yummy, Nanaka's felt lonely and poor. It was like comparing their life; Aina's full of joy, and Nanaka's lonely and insignificant.
"Ow Suwawa, you were right, this is really good…oh, something the matter?" asked Aina inserting a whole tempura shrimp in her mouth.
"Eh?…no, smells nice…" said Nanaka grabbing her chopsticks.
"Take thish—" said Aina with her mouth full of shrimp; she was giving Nanaka one of her tempura shrimps for her to taste with her chopstick.
"Eh? I'm fine…" tried Nanaka to deny the food, but Aina insisted.
"C' mon! Your tray looksh sho shad!" Aina insisted.
Nanaka deadpanned her; yes, her tray looked sad, also her life.
She sighed and slowly opened her mouth to receive the tempura shrimp.
It was good.
"So…?" asked Aina swallowing.
"Tasty."
"I know!" snapped Aina so loudly and happily, "Food is love! Food is happiness!" and Aina continued eating with enthusiasm.
"Uhm" hummed Nanaka with no so much enthusiasm.
Suddenly their phones rang, meaning that both had received messages.
"Oh…the LINE Chat?" asked Aina putting all the green onions inside her Udon.
"I don't know… what could these loonies possibly want …" said Nanaka softly, leaving her chopsticks aside and taking out her phone.
"They can wait! You are eating!" said Aina with fake annoyance and started digging into her udon.
"Hum…it's not the LINE chat…" said Nanaka seriously, then looked at Aina; Nanaka couldn't help but snort at that sight.
Aina looked at her with her mouth full of noodles.
"You are cute…" said Nanaka dryly, taking her sight off her; Aina slurped her noodles up and then laughed loudly.
"What—what is it…?" asked Aina giggling and cleaning her mouth with a napkin.
"Our trip to Numazu has been postponed …till next month, October the eighteen…" said Nanaka while setting her agenda with the new date.
"Ow… a month! That's a lot…" said Aina now taking her bowl of rice.
"I…I wonder if I would be able to go…" said Nanaka softly, looking her calendar app.
"Well, you don't have to faint…" said Aina while eating, "Because I don't think Arisha and I can save your cute ass again..."
"I don't need to be saved..." murmured Nanaka; Aina made slurped loudly.
They locked gazes.
"You can't say that..." said Aina seriously, "Yesterday you were crap, you were a mess...and because of that, we couldn't record"
Nanaka looked away from Aina's gaze, fixing her gaze in her untouched udon.
Aina was right, she had fucked it up.
"Imagine being in Numazu right now recording the 'Tekuteku'; Arisha was right, you weren't in any condition..." continued Aina, she looked at her udon too and continued eating, "I thought you would be fine today, but..." Aina stopped to chew, "You totally collapsed last night"
"Did I?" asked Nanaka softly grabbing her chopsticks.
"You did...I did everything for ya'," said Aina slurping from her udon.
Nanaka stayed silently playing with her noodles. She couldn't remember that much, she just couldn't recall how she had entered her home, how Aina had undressed her, or how she even get in her bed. She remembered trying to beg Aina for her to stay with her, but she had rejected Nanaka.
"Thank you..." said Nanaka softly.
"Don't mention it..." said Aina cleaning her mouth, then she looked at Nanaka, "I guess you are not going to 'faint' next month because your relationship is over..." her tone was harsh.
Nanaka made a sad face.
My relationship is over...
Over...
...
Her eyes welled with tears, she couldn't help but pout, suppressing her desire to keep crying over it. Aina made a sad face.
"Arisha was right...you wouldn't be able to record today..." said Aina with a sad tone, "I thought you would...geez—" Aina returned to her food.
Nanaka stood still in her place, fighting with the desire to cry.
The previous night, Aina was sure that they should still go on the trip, that the recording was that day and whatever that happened to Nanaka last night would heal overnight, but was Arisa the diligent soul that determined that Nanaka wasn't in any condition, no matter what the hell had happened, Arisa saw that Nanaka wouldn't be able to do it.
"You need a handkerchief?" offered Aina still busy in her food. It looked and sounded even senseless.
Nanaka made a bitter face and just looked for one from her own purse. She blew her nose and dried her tears.
"Better?" asked Aina softly.
"Better..."
"Your udon, besides being cold, it's gonna taste salty..." said Aina eating her rice.
"You are acting like an ass," said Nanaka putting her handkerchief away.
"Maybe..." said Aina resting her bowl of rice, "But I don't want to...I...I feel mad...I hate feeling that y' know!" snapped Aina now turning towards Nanaka, "I… I feel so helpless, you are in pain, last night, today, right now! And I can't take your pain away...and...and...the only thing I can do is blame Shukashuu! I... want to punch her!" finished Aina in her loud tone.
"Please don't..." tried Nanaka to calm Aina down.
"I'm not gonna do it, because... well, she is a brat, she seems stronger than me, I hate violence...and you told me that none of the members know..." said Aina softly, Nanaka nodded.
"But...I feel angry! How could Shukashuu do this to you?! I can't...I don't understand..." said Aina loud and mad, "Please... Suwawa, what happened? Should I need to hate her…? How can I hate her?!"
"Calm down Ainya-chan..." said Nanaka softly and rubbing Aina's back.
Both locked gazes and sweet smiles. Aina took a deep breath.
Nanaka turned around and grabbed her chopsticks once again, and finally, she started to eat her udon. Aina looked at her incredulously.
"What? Now you are gonna eat?" asked Aina astonished.
"It's getting cold..." said Nanaka slurping.
"You...are...incredible..." said Aina and continued eating.
The only sounds they could hear were of slurped noodles.
Should Nanaka rely on Aina the pains of her heart and how she had to end her relationship, not for her, but for Shuka?
Well, since the beginning of the project, Aina had always been there close to Nanaka, to pick up the pieces that she was dropping by, not only the pieces of her heart but the pieces of her lame career so far.
It wasn't of any use to lie to her, what for? Aina already knew that they had broken up, and she even was willing to "hate", "punch" or even blame Shuka about Nanaka being so sad and heartbroken.
Yes Shuka did a lot of stuff that made Nanaka angry, and maybe that contributed to the relationship collapsing, but Nanaka did her part too, she wasn't a saint.
"You can't hate her..." said Nanaka breaking the slurping noises; both with their sights fixed in their bowls.
"Why not?"
"Because I love her..."
"I know "
"You can't punch her"
"Why not?"
"Because I love her..."
"Then what can I do?" asked Aina in her serious tone now locking gazes with Nanaka.
Love me.
"Nothing..." said Nanaka resting her chopsticks, "Aina, I... I broke up my own relationship..."
"What?" asked Aina with her eyes widen, "But you—" tried Aina, but Nanaka shook her head shushing her.
"It was...what we needed to do... Shuka wanted to end the relationship a long time ago... but I didn't let her do it; every time she had a tantrum or she complained about something... I fixed it." said Nanaka softly, "I always fixed it...she...she loves me too..." Nanaka's voice started to tremble, "And because of that, she couldn't break up with me...she just couldn't..."
"So, she picked fights?" asked Aina.
"Yes, she...she needed an excuse, a motive, something...she even accused me of cheating on her with you—"
"WHAT?!" snapped Aina loudly her eyes wide, and a prominent frown grew on her face.
"Yes...well, yeah..." continued Nanaka softly, "Then I realized...that... well, I was hurting her...my love was suffocating her..."
"That's nonsense! Your love is incredible!" said Aina with her eyes welled in tears, Nanaka looked at her with a sad expression.
Nanaka couldn't help but think that Aina was suffering.
Aina wanted Nanaka's love, that love that Shuka was suffocated by. Maybe she was even thinking that Shuka was a fool to let Nanaka go, or wanted to be picking up fights to break up.
Why would you break up with someone who gives everything for you? How big was that love? And Shuka had given up on it.
"Maybe it's not...it wasn't enough for her..." said Nanaka sadly, now with her eyes welled in tears too,
"I...did everything Ainya...everything, for her, for the sake of the relationship, sacrificed my career...all, but...our thing...the NanaAinya was still hurting her...and she just couldn't take it...she was in pain...and I was the cause..."
Nanaka stopped for a few seconds to take a breath and blink a few times, her tears falling from her eyes once again.
"I...had to fix it... I... removed what was hurting Shuka...I removed myself from...from the relationship...that was the only way to fix it..." finished Nanaka with her right hand on her mouth and nose, suppressing her tears and pain once again.
Aina was left in awe.
Her big eyes wide in astonishment, her mouth slightly opened.
She didn't know what to do, Nanaka was breaking herself once again.
"What's with this Harakiri thing?! That stupid selfish brat!" snapped Aina madly, she even fell from her chair, Nanaka opened her eyes wide looking at Aina.
"I'll punch her...why...why, if she wasn't comfortable, why wouldn't she end the relationship?! Why...why, why did you have to do it?! You DID EVERYTHING FOR HER! YOU—"
"Stop!" interrupted Nanaka grabbing Aina's cheeks with her hands and resting her forehead on hers, her tears falling from her cheeks, "It's ok...it's done...I...I spared her that pain..."
"But...But what about you...?" asked Aina softly, like a whisper, she was also crying, "You...you always spared her the pain..."
Yes, because she was my kid...
She was my responsibility.
Nanaka just caressed Aina's cheeks softly and tenderly.
Even if they were wet because of Aina's tears, Nanaka could feel the softness of her skin. It calmed her. Aina's presence was a soothing feeling.
Aina closed her eyes and started to caress Nanaka's cheeks in return, with some soft sniffs, taking Nanaka's feelings in.
"Feels...feels just like fallen love..." murmured Aina.
"Feels... just like I'm failing..." retorted Nanaka softly.
Aina giggled, then she separated from Nanaka and looked up to her with sad eyes.
"It's ok Ainya-chan...I think I'm used to failing..." said Nanaka with a soft voice.
"No no, don't say that..." said Aina recovering her mood and drying her tears, she then looked up to her seat, "Why on Earth did they make this chairs so tall?! Goddamnit!"
Nanaka giggled while Aina tried again with painful efforts to get up on her seat.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think about that..." apologized Nanaka.
"Don't worry Suwawa, I'm used to be short and fighting with chairs..." said Aina sitting, then she looked at Nanaka, "That doesn't mean I like it...do you like failing?"
Nanaka deadpanned.
"Of course you don't! Who does!" said Aina in her normal tone, then she grabbed her last tempura shrimp, "As you said, what is done...is DONE!" and she ate the last shrimp with fury and hate.
Nanaka blinked a few times, and looked at Aina's tray.
It was almost empty, she had really gobbled up the whole meal, while Nanaka's udon was half done, but she didn't feel an appetite anymore.
"I'm sorry, I ruined our lunch..." said Nanaka softly and sad.
"Eh? What are you shayin?..." said Aina chawing; she swallowed, "Suwawa, this was something that was going to happen..."
"Eh?! What? I'm here with you...and we ended up crying and upset..." said Nanaka drying a lonely tear.
"But with you, I always end up crying and upset...this isn't new..." said Aina without care.
"Hey...that's sound worse—"
"What I mean is..." interrupted Aina, "When I took care of you last night; after you told me you had broken up with Shuka, I ...had this determination to ...support you...I knew by then that this would be the issue of our next conversations or whatever..."
"But Aina—"
"You ended a one year relationship after sacrificing everything, Suwawa, you should be proud...you did what you had to do, period, and your conscience must be at peace, because you tried and you did your best, and that's what's matters," continued Aina, "I can't say I agree with your way of doing things; I never liked that relationship of yours, and not because I'm in love with you...I never liked Shuka for you..."
"I know..." said Nanaka softly.
"Of course, I like her, and I learned to love all the members; Aqours is important, but for me, You matter the most...and if you doing this 'Harakiri' thingie puts you at ease...then, I'm here for you to vent and rant about it...because it's normal...you are hurt, and you need to take that out; if you need to cry, cry! No one will tell you that that's wrong" said Aina with a shy smile.
Nanaka just kept silent, she was feeling ashamed.
"But, y' know, the way I see it, it's ... please don't hate me or get me wrong, but this is actually a good thing..." continued Aina, "Now, without Shuka, you can finally focus in your career, in shining with 'Kanan-chan', to stop failing! I don't want to hear ever again from you that you are a failure! Understood?!"
"I'm sorry..." mumbled Nanaka.
"Stop apologizing too...when I asked you to have lunch I knew what I was facing, and I knew that we would end up crying and upset... like always..." said Aina giggling.
Nanaka didn't say a thing, Aina was the best and out of this planet.
"I told you last night...that you don't need to take care of me and my feelings...I know where my feelings are, you need to figure out where are yours..." said Aina softly.
Both stayed in deep silence for at least a whole minute.
Then Aina grabbed the little can with the check and got down of her chair.
"I'm gonna pay...be right back," she said and left.
Nanaka looked sadly at her half-eaten udon; Aina was something else. It looked like she was indestructible, like, no matter what Nanaka did, right or wrong, Aina was always there for her. Aina had to bear through all her relationship with Shuka, with a smile, and still supported her. She had to bear watching how they intimated or heard their "Shower encounters" in the changing room, she had even seen them once...
How could she?
How can she do it...?! Why...?
"So, are ya' ready? You need ice cream." said Aina coming back with a smile, Nanaka gave her a sad look, her eyes watery again.
"Oh...are we crying and getting upset again…?" asked Aina changing her mood, like if she needed to act as Nanaka did; Nanaka shook her head.
This time wasn't because of her broken heart with Shuka, it was because of all the damage she had caused to Aina.
She got down of the chair softly.
"Maybe we can pass on the ice cream for today..." said Nanaka softly.
"Oh...sure..." said Aina blinking a few times, then she smiled wide at her, "Let's go home?"
Nanaka looked at her with a soft gaze; for Aina, her place was "home". Being with her was home, and no matter how messed up she was, Aina was always there.
"Let's go home..." said Nanaka offering Aina her hand; they entwined their fingers, "Thanks for lunch..."
"Happy to be with you..." answered Aina with her wide smile, and both started their walk towards "home".
.
.
.
That afternoon passed by like in the blink of an eye.
They came back home and rested while playing video games, eating snacks and talking nonsense. Aina had that incredible power. It was a real day off, where they could enjoy peacefully. Shuka's theme was out of the conversation for the rest of the afternoon, and it really helped Nanaka to clear her mind.
The only complicated thing was to be feeling more and more attracted to Aina, and be more conscious about her intentions and feelings. Up until the day before, Nanaka knew that Aina was in love with her, but she couldn't cross the line because she was with Shuka, and Aina respected that. But now she was single, and the flirting didn't stop.
Aina was always like that; she just spoke her mind out her mouth, and Nanaka's cheeks just couldn't turn redder. Nanaka tried really hard to not respond that flirting, because she had already been rejected while being almost naked, so she didn't like the idea of trying again and feel that way once again.
Dumped and rejected by her two most important people was enough.
After the nth game, Aina checked her phone and snapped a loud weird noise, of course, at this moment of life, Nanaka was used to Aina's weirdness, but she stopped the game and looked at her with concern.
"Suwawa, the time...I'll lose the train..." said Aina leaving her phone on the coffee table.
"Oh..." said Nanaka softly, like realizing that Aina didn't live there; she left the game control on the table too.
They looked at each other with sad gazes. Nanaka blinked a few times.
"Why...why don't you stay...?" offered Nanaka; Aina gave her a cute smile.
"Suwawa, I would love to stay...but I can't..." said Aina braking their gazes and standing up.
"Because of Shuka?" asked Nanaka, afraid of bringing her into the conversation once again.
Aina looked at her with a sad face.
"Not only Shukashuu...I have an event tomorrow..." said Aina softly.
"Oh..." said Nanaka softly too, and looking at her cup of green tea on the table.
"Suwawa..."
"It's ok, you need to go then..." said Nanaka standing up.
"I'm sorry..." Aina shyly apologized.
"Don't worry Ainya, duty calls!" said Nanaka trying to act cool.
The truth was that Aina didn't want to stay because of Shuka. It wasn't right. Because normally, Aina would stay, actually that was the most common lie/reason/excuse for her to crush at her place; because she had events/errands/ whatever the next day and she lived far from all.
But Nanaka understood, it was too soon for her to crush there again, and now she wasn't sure if it was more of a way to maintain Aina's feelings on a leash, or because of the moral dilemmas. If they spent the night together, what would happen? Well, Aina didn't want to find out, yet.
Because she respected Shuka and Nanaka's mourning. But of course, this left a very lonely Nanaka.
Aina grabbed her phone and then walked to the main entrance to get her shoes.
"I...I can take you to the station..." offered Nanaka walking behind her; Aina stopped and looked back at her with a shy smile.
"Are you afraid I might get lost Suwa-chan?" teased Aina.
"O—of course, your sense of orientation is terrible..." teased Nanaka back; Aina laughed in her old man tone.
"It's ok Suwa-chan, I've come here too many times now to not know where the station is..." said Aina turning towards the door once again.
"I...know..." murmured Nanaka, trying to find in her mind another reason to still be with Aina.
She gasped at a realization.
She didn't want Aina to leave, but she needed to let her go too.
Her heart started to pound fast with anxiety.
What should I do...What should I do...What should I do...
I don't want her to leave...
Aina...
But she couldn't find anything to stop her.
Aina was putting on her second shoe when she spoke.
"So, I guess we will see each other on Monday...right Suwa-chan?" asked Aina without turning.
"Monday...?" repeated Nanaka hopelessly, feeling that Monday was too far from that moment.
"Yeah, we have a photoshoot remember... and I'm glad it's closer to me this time...yosh!" snapped Aina with her shoes on; she grabbed her cap and placed it on, then she turned to face Nanaka.
She had a sad face, she was almost pouting, like an abandoned child.
"Eh? Suwawa, what's wrong?" asked Aina with concern.
I don't want you to leave... I want you to stay with me...
Nanaka shook her head, she couldn't tell her that.
"It's ok, you need to go..." said Nanaka dryly.
"Are you free tomorrow?" asked Aina softly.
"Yeah...it's a day off too..."
Aina twitched her tongue.
"Try to do something, don't stay hidden here... I would love to hang out with you again, but the event is a whole day thing..."
Hide uh? I'm lonelier than that?
"Don't worry, my parents are coming back tomorrow...I'll be fine..." she lied, the truth was that she didn't know when her parents were coming again.
"Oh! Excellent then! Say hi to Mama Suwa." said Aina with her big smile, then she took her bag off the hanger and hanged it on her shoulder.
"Aina..." called Nanaka softly; she turned around with her big eyes and a goofy smile.
"Yes?"
Nanaka fidgeted in her spot, not sure what to do, she wanted to retain Aina in her place so badly, that the only thing she could do was to step towards her and hug her tightly from her waist.
"Oh oh...ok..." said Aina a bit surprised against Nanaka's neck, she answered the hug circling her arms around Nanaka's neck.
"Aina...thank you..." said Nanaka in a serious tone, but Aina just gave her some frustrated sounds that Nanaka just couldn't know what she meant with them, but Nanaka continued, "... thank you for everything, not just today, but since I met you..."
"Su...Suwawa..." whined Aina shyly.
They stood in that hugging position; Nanaka didn't want to let go of her, so she tightened her hug, getting dizzy absorbing Aina's scent, her shampoo's smell, her energy, her presence, it was overwhelming.
Her chest was tight about a lot of fluttering feelings boiling in her being, she had been repressing all of her feelings towards Aina because she couldn't let them out while being with Shuka, and the truth was that she felt calm, at peace, and totally weak.
Maybe that was what being in love was; feeling weak but strong in the presence of someone you love...and loves you back.
Aina loved her back.
Nanaka opened her eyes at that thought; their love was reciprocal, right? Why settle just with that?
I want more...
So Nanaka, softly and gently, departed a little from Aina's body, and with her right hand touched Aina's cheek and caressed it softly, this time, she could appreciate her softness without the wetness of previous tears; they locked gazes.
Aina's big eyes were looking straight at her, they were soft, calm; she could get lost in Aina's eyes forever, then Aina licked her lips, a movement that Nanaka recognized as for her to move forward; she licked her lips too and went closer.
She wanted to taste them, she wanted to try them, lick them, bite them. Feel Aina all over her, and she almost did.
She became dizzy in Aina's scent and presence, but she couldn't taste her lips, Aina just moved her head, so she gave Aina a soft kiss on her cheek.
Aina moved.
She had rejected her once again.
"Suwawa...I'm sorry…" said Aina departing from the hug with a clear sad face; Nanaka tried to act cool as if being rejected twice didn't matter.
"I can't..." said Aina shyly, not even looking at her.
"Why...?" asked Nanaka softly and afraid of the answer.
"You...you are not ready... " said Aina, now with a bit more strength, "You...you were just dumped Suwawa!..." she snapped more loudly, her eyes welling up in tears, it was painful for her.
"But—"
"No no, it's not right...what about Shuka? You...you told me you love her...what Am I?! Suwawa, what am I to you?! A replacement…?" asked Aina a bit annoyed, Nanaka just raised her eyebrows in sadness.
"No, that's not true...you are—" Nanaka was saying with a knot in her throat, but was heavily interrupted.
"You just don't know! Don't you dare lie to me..." said Aina trying to stay calm, "You know what I feel about you, so it's not fair..."
"I'm sorry..."
"Suwawa, you are still attached to her...that's why I know you are not ready, and I'm not her replacement... it's not fair to me either..." said Aina trying to sound more relaxed
Nanaka looked at her shoes in shame.
She had been scolded, normally with Shuka, it was the other way around.
Nanaka opened her eyes wide to that realization. Shuka again.
This was Aina, not Shuka.
"I gotta go..." said Aina turning around towards the door.
"Make sure to heal, then you will be ready...when you are, we can continue...I'll wait..." said Aina softly, grabbing the door knob, "I have been waiting for a year, a can still wait...but don't take too long, maybe I won't wait anymore..."
And she opened the door, turned slightly back towards Nanaka and smiled faintly at her; she was crying.
Nanaka raised her eyebrows in sadness, but couldn't say a thing, Aina disappeared behind the door.
Silence filled the place, her heart, and her soul.
Aina was right, she was still attached to Shuka's memory; she also told her that she still loved her.
it made sense if Aina rejected her. It wasn't fair.
What was Aina to her? Was she really a replacement? A nail taking out another nail?
She needed to heal, Aina was aware that she wasn't ready yet, but when was that going to be?
Aina learned that it was Nanaka, in an act of love, who had ended her relationship, meaning that she was still in love with Shuka.
Where in her heart was the space for Aina's love?
Maybe Shuka needed to fuck it up once again, for Nanaka to learn that their thing was over and remove that love out of her heart.
Nanaka fixed her blurry sight on the door. A waiting door.
Aina would wait, but for how long?
Nanaka moved back to the living room where once there was laughs and joy, now there was silence.
She fixed her sight on Mari Plushie once again; she took it.
She looked at it with a sad gaze, she couldn't help but think about Aina and her words. Both were struggling with their feelings, both wanted to be with each other, but they just couldn't. At least not yet, Nanaka needed to heal.
Feels...just... like... failing...
She hugged the plushie and couldn't help but cry once again.
Feeling like failing at everything once again.
Healing is a difficult process, but she needed to do it.
She needed to let everything go for her to move on, her pieces, the shards of her fallen mask, her fallen love.
But at least she knew that she wasn't alone doing it. Aina was waiting.
For her.
It was about time to gather the shards and start putting them together once again. This time in a different position. More into the direction of her career, with more love and patience than before, with Aina's love as glue.
And with that kind of glue, who knows?
Maybe the healing could be even faster than she thought.
-0oo0-
Notes:
Moving on it's always hard.
But, don't worry Suwawa, Aina has a lot of love for you in the next chapters.
I'm sorry there was no Sex on this chapter (〃艸〃)... because it felt wrong and out of character.
We are saving the hot scenes for the next chapters (๑ゝڡ◕๑)
Thanks a lot for all the support!, Kudos, Favs, Comments, and good vibes!
You can find Misha on Twitter / Mishaworks or Instagram /mishaworks to see beautiful artwork about this project (or other good and hot drawings) or just to say hi! we love to discuss the chapters or even the weather!
You can find Sarah too on Twitter / NylundSarah if you want to talk about Masquerade.
Don't be shy! (･ω)
See you next time!