Waking up in St. Mungo's was the single most confusing moment of Sirius's life. Second only to having Harry and Hermione walk into his room when he was finally allowed visitors. He knew, thanks to the healers caring for him, that six years had passed since he fell into the veil. And yet mentally he couldn't help but envisioned his godson and his best friends as their fifteen and sixteen year old selves, sneaking around his house trying to listen in on the Orders meetings with the twins. He had had to work to control his shock when the pair walked into the room.
Harry looked just like James did before his death and paired with Lily's eye's Sirius had physically felt his heart break. Hermione was equally as shocking. Gone was the bushy haired, bucked tooth girl he'd first met and in her place was a woman with subtle curves, heavy chestnut waves running down her back, whiskey eyes and soft face marred with a concerned look. Since that day he had not been able to get the studious witch out his mind.
Not that he didn't try. But despite everything, every time he saw her curled in a chair reading or laughing or playing with Teddy, his heart would skip a beat. After the first few months of trying to smother it with no reprieve, he resolved instead to refrain from acting on any feelings that may continue to surface.
Hearing that the youngest Weasley boy had cheated on her filled him with rage. The first thing that entered his mind was you don't do that to a friend followed closely by utter disbelief on how the boy could do that to a witch like Hermione. When Harry told him that he was worried about her and mentioned she had yet to find the time to go looking for flats, Sirius didn't hesitate to ask Harry if he thought she might accept an invite to stay at Grimmuald place in her old room. Harry brightened immediately at the suggestion so Sirius decided to go ahead with the idea.
Their playful banter the morning after her first night in his house lit a fire in his breast. Her promise to save him a dance was his entire reason for going to the gala. He arrived late, hoping to avoid the ceremony because it just didn't feel right attend it when he all but skipped the second war only to wake up years after it was over. Unfortunately he misjudged his arrival and ended up arriving right as Kingsley asked for everyone to please take their seats. Making his way to his table his pace had faltered at the sight of her being escorted off the dance floor with Charlie Weasley. Seeing the way her dress clung to her figure with her hair pulled away from her face, pinned just below the nape of her neck, she was stunning. Sheer perfection. Then Charlie steered her towards her table his heart stopped completely seeing the back of her dress and the hemline dipping all the way down stopping just before the curve of her back ended. A delicate chain swinging along with her movements. He forced himself to tear his gaze from her and finish making his way to the table he was sharing with Remus, Tonks, and the rest of the Weasleys.
Being able to hold her and make her laugh made him feel as though he had no truer purpose. Letting her go at the end of the evening was one of the hardest things he'd ever forced himself to do. But he knew he had to. He was treading in dangerous waters and he needed to get as far from her as possible in that moment, only trusting himself to give her a caste kiss on the forehead he retreated up the stairs before he gave in to his desire to kiss her.
Waking up to her scream sent him flying from his bed and into her room before he knew what he was doing, breathing for the first time when he saw her awake and safe in her bed. But watching the shame cross her beautiful face when she admitted that she had screamed made him want to growl knowing the youngest Weasley boy was most likely the reason for the shame she was feeling. Leaving her room to make her tea he amended his prior resolve to instead focus on helping her conquer her nightmares rather then be ashamed of them.
Sitting down at the table with her it felt so effortless. After watching Hermione make her way up the stairs Sirius closed his eyes, setting his book down and running his hands through his hair with a huff. He needed to talk to Remus. Getting up he followed up the stairs behind her and made his way to his room to prepare for the day ahead.
Pulling on her cream colored, rose printed cardigan, Hermione smiled at her reflection in the mirror. It was starting to surprise her just how much better she was feeling about herself now that she was no longer attached to Ron or felt the need to constantly mend their relationship. She truly didn't realize how hard it had been to be with him until she was without him. It felt liberating.
Deciding to leave her hair down she grabbed her wand and conjured a hidden wand pocket in the lining of her cardigan before leaving her room. She could hear Sirius in his own room so she decided to wait for him in the sitting room. It wasn't much longer before she heard his heavy steps on the stairs and they made their way through the floo to the Burrow together. His arm on her elbow was the only thing that kept Hermione from stumbling out of the fireplace.
"You'd think the brightest witch of her age wouldn't have so much trouble using something as simple as a fireplace," he teased letting her go.
Dusting herself off she stuck her tongue out at him before making her way to the garden, listening to him laugh behind her. Hugging Molly as she came out of the house Sirius nodded to Arthur before heading over towards Remus. They spoke silently for a moment before standing and walking off together. Leaving her pseudo mothers embrace Hermione made her way over to the bench that had been elongated to allow everyone to sit comfortably together. Taking her seat across from Ginny she smiled at her best friend who was arguing with her husband in hushed tones. Looking to an equally amused George, she got only a shrug in response as she sat back and looked across the garden at her family.
Hearing the kitchen door open again the four of them glance over to see Tonks and Teddy emerge from the house. Setting him down with a quick wave to Molly and Arthur, Tonks make their way to the table with her son a few paces ahead of her.
"Aunt Mini!"
Hearing the boys call, Hermione got up and crouched to the ground with her arms open, waiting for him to run into them. Scooping him up she began to smother his tiny face in kisses, stopping only when she heard Harry scoff, "What am I chopped liver?
"We all know that in Teddy's eyes none of us are as important as his Aunt Mini," Tonks chuckled at his disgruntled appearance.
Sending a mocking grin in Harry's direction Hermione put Teddy on her hip, "What about your Uncle Harry, Teddy? Didn't you miss him this week too?"
The young boy looked at his godfather with a tilt of his head before concentrating and morphing becoming a four year old replica of Harry, eyes turning green, hair becoming an unruly jet back.
"That's my boy!" Harry beamed, leaning across the table to give his godson a kiss on the forehead.
"Can we play Aunt Mini?"
"Of course little love, what do you want to play?"
"Hide and seek! You find me." Scrambling from her arms Teddy took off in a flurry leaving her to start counting before coming after him.
Sending another smirk at Harry she closed her eyes, spun a few times and started to count.
"Moony, where's Dora and Ted?"
"I came over a bit earlier to help Arthur with one of his projects, they should be here shortly."
"Do you mind walking with me?"
"Of course not." When the pair left the earshot of others in the garden Remus turned to his best friend, "Is this about Hermione?" Taking his silence as confirmation he waited.
Sirius finally huffed, "For months I have been trying to keep a handle on everything I'm feeling but I'm starting to have trouble. Having her back at Grimmuald has only intensified things. I need you to talk some sense into me. Like old times."
Remus considered his best mate for a moment before shrugging. "Do you think last night was the first time I notice you pining after her Pads?"
"I do not pine," Sirius rebutted conjuring a bench for them near the edge of the pond.
"I started to notice it about a month after you were released from Mongo's. Dora shortly after that."
"Bloody hell..." he grumbled sitting down letting his hands fall into his lap.
"My only question is why are you trying to so hard to fight it?"
Seeing Sirius' head snap up in shock he continued with a chuckle.
"Honestly, if you'd come to me before last night I'd have given you exactly what you seem to be looking for but last night, Pads, you were happy. Genuinely happy for the first time in ages. Not only that but you seemed to make Hermione happy. She was glowing under your affections. Don't think it went unnoticed that you were the only one who could get her to rejoin us after the Lavender incident." Patting his best friend on the back he stood and straightened his jumper, "You are going to have to look elsewhere if you want someone to talk you out of this my friend."
With that he made his way to his wife, leaving Sirius to his his own devices.
Contemplating his friends words he looked back to the garden, eyes immediately training on Hermione who seemed to be searching for something. Watching her disappear behind the shed he heard a delighted shriek and smiled immediately knowing she had found who she was looking for. When she came around the shed once more she was holding a squirming Teddy in her arms. The pure joy on her face as she tickled the boy made his heart swell.
Grumbling to himself once more he got up and makes his way to the table just as Molly announced lunch was ready.
As everyone was nearly seated at table the backdoor opened and Ron and Lavender emerged from within the Burrow. Shaking her head slightly Hermione settled in between Fred and Remus with Teddy in her lap, his turquoise hair bouncing on her knee as he reached for a roll. Taking pity on him, Hermione cast a quick glance in Molly's direction to see if the matriarch was distracted before grabbing him a roll. She smirked at the wink she received from Remus in the process.
Harry leaned forward and grumbled in a hushed voice, "You spoil him! That's why you're the favorite," earning himself a laugh from Hermione as she kissed Teddy's head.
Sirius took the seat between Harry and Arthur with a grin having witnessed the antic's between Harry and his best friend over their godson. With everyone seated people began to fill their plates. Hermione grabbed extra, putting food for Teddy on the corner of her plate. As they ate conversation erupted and Hermione lost herself in a conversation with the twins about his plans to expand the joke shop into Hogsmeade.
"Hermione? Sirius?"
Jerking her attention from the twins, she shared a startled look with Sirius before turning to Harry who was sporting blinding smile.
"Gin and I wanted to ask if the two of you-"
"-wanted to be the baby's godparents?" Ginny finished for him, almost bursting at the seams with excitement.
"Of course!" Hermione beamed taking Ginny's hand across the table, "I would be honored."
Somehow smiling even brighter Harry turned to Sirius, "I know it might be a little weird, seeing as how you're my godfather-"
"I would be honored, pup" Sirius cut off throwing an arm around him with a grin rustling his hair in the process earning a groan from Harry. "So much trouble to plan."
Hermione snorted as Ginny gave him the look, "Don't you dare."
"That's why Mione's the godmother," Harry intervened, "she'll straighten him out where Sirius encourages mischief."
"If you think I can control Sirius, you're mad," Hermione laughed.
Sirius grinned at her, "I welcome you to please try Kitten."
Remus snorted when Hermione blushed and Harry gagged. "You're going to traumatize Prongslet, Pads."
"Apologies."
He didn't sound apologetic. Not in the slightest. Still he winked at Hermione making her shake her head at him.
Having been successfully distracted in their own bubble of happiness and humor, the small group's attention was pulled towards the commotion at the other end of the table upon hearing a question cut through their cheer.
"Why is she even here?"
Everyone turned to look at Ron, who was glaring at his mother. Molly was sporting an appalled look of her own as she looked at her youngest son. Hermione's smile fell knowing the question was about her. Feeling her cheeks flame she looked down at Teddy who was the only one blissfully unaware of the dangerous silence that had enveloped the table. She let out a small strangled half laugh, half cry as he looked up at her, his hair growing to mimic hers, eyes turning the same caramel brown and face taking on a rounder nose and small pouty lips before reaching up to kiss her nose and returning to their food.
"Ronald Weasley! How dare you?" Molly chastised having snapped out of her apparent shock.
"Hermione is always welcome in this house!" Arthur chimed in, "She was family long before you started dating and she is still family despite your indiscretions."
Her checks now blazing with color as the two oldest Weasley's defended her place in their family, Hermione focused on Teddy and she felt an arm on the back of her chair as a hand grabbed hers on the table. Leaned closer into Remus's shoulder and she cast a thankful look at Fred.
Squeezing her hand gently he released it and stood to face his brother, "If you have a problem with her being here Ron, you can leave."
Closing her eyes at the proclamation Hermione leaned harder into Remus and willed the tears forming behind her eyes not to betray her.
"I'm your brother!"
"And Hermione is our sister! We aren't going to let you drive her away from her family!" Fred's hand settling onto her shoulder cementing his statement as it received calls of agreement from others around the table.
"Mate, you're out of line." Harry spoke up, "Especially after last night."
"We don't want her here!" Ron bit back.
"We?" Ginny shrieked smacking her fork down onto the table, "You think we give a damn what you and Lavender want?"
"Come on Lav, we're leaving!" Shooting a glare to each of his siblings, flinching slightly at the looks he received from Sirius and Remus, he focused on Hermione who had just opened her eyes. "You don't belong here anymore," he shot at Hermione before grabbing Lavenders arm dragging her inside.
Hearing the door slam Hermione let the tears fall as she buried her face him Teddy's hair, unable to control herself, her tears quickly changed to sobs as she felt Remus take his arm away and another set of arms envelope her.
"Mione, its okay. Don't listen to Ron, you are our family. You belong with us."
Hearing the pity in Harry's voice something snapped within Hermione. She stiffened in his arms, signaling him to release her. Bringing her hand to his face she gave him a weak smile and passed her godson over to Harry, giving him a quick kiss as he struggled at the sudden change.
"It's okay little love," her voice broken, "Uncle Harry wants to have some time with you too." Nodding, he locked his arm around his godfathers neck, no longer fighting the change. Giving a slight nod to Harry, she got up and looked to everyone at the table. "Thank you for defending me." After a brief pause she looked to Molly, "Lunch was delicious as always but I think I'm going to head home now. I have some work that needs my attention before Monday," she lied.
"Hermione, you don't need to leave because Ron made an arse of himself," Tonks spoke up.
"I know," she smiled weakly and began giving hugs before make her way into the house.
Walking into the kitchen Hermione summoned a bottle of wine while grabbing herself a wine glass from the cabinet. Snatching up the bottle she made her way up the stairs. In the bathroom she conjured a small radio allowing music fill the air as she started the water adding some of her vanilla and honey bath soaps. Retreating to her room she quickly undressed and grabbed her rode while also piling her hair into a messy bun at the top of her head. Hermione poured herself a glass of wine and sank into the old claw foot tub letting the warm water ease the tension from her body.
She wasn't in long. An hour later, she left the tub casting a quick drying charm before pulling on her robe. Grabbing the now half empty bottle of wine and sending her glass to the kitchen she made her way into the hallway.
Straight into Sirius.
After correcting herself, clinging to her book she gave him a curious look, "I didn't think you'd be back yet."
"I just got home. Things weren't quite the same when you left. Everyone retired earlier then usual." Looking her over he gave her a weak smirk, "What happened to work?"
"It was the one thing I could think of that I knew they wouldn't challenge," she shrugged moving around him towards her room. At the door she stopped, unable to look back at him. "Sirius?"
"Yes, Kitten."
"Thank you for letting me stay with you," she whispered as she slunk into her room and closed the door casting locking and silencing charms and retreating to her bed.
With a scream tearing from her throat Hermione stumbled out of her bed. Unable to stop her tremors she put on her robe and made her way down to the kitchen. Grabbing a glass of water she downed it before making her way back up the stairs and deciding to go into the library rather than back to bed.
After momentarily stopping before the fire to absorb its warmth she moved on to the stacks lining the walls, stopping every now and then to pull out a book before replacing it and moving on.
With her nightmare still in the back of her mind she was unable to find anything to grasp her fancy. A heavy sigh left her before retreating to the seat closest to the fire. Staring into the flames her thoughts returned completely to her nightmare. Rubbing her forearm she willed the memories to leave her subconscious.
When they didn't she gave up.
Returning to bed, she closed her eyes and fell asleep before remembering to replace the silencing charm on her room.
In the kitchen Sirius started to prepare his tea unable to think of anything other than how Hermione had looked at lunch the day before, listening to the Weasley's defend her from Ron. Remembering how she had leaned into Remus while clinging to Teddy, he had felt a growl rise in his chest as he saw her first tear fall from behind her eyes. He had wanted to skin the boy for stealing her happiness from her.
After she left, the atmosphere at the table didn't recover. They had all talked about what Ron's actions, Hermione's response and came to the unanimous consensus that they wouldn't let Hermione separate herself from the family. It had been Ginny's idea originally, having seen Hermione's face as Ron told her she didn't belong with them. She knew Hermione believed him. They had all agreed to give her space but to continue to keep her involved as they normally would. As he left, Harry told him they would be over in the morning to talk to Hermione and he could only nod before taking his leave.
A scream upstairs pulled him from his thoughts of the day before. Dropping his tea he made to leave the kitchen stopping only when he heard footsteps above him. Sitting back down he waited for her to join him.
"Good morning."
"Morning, Kitten, tea?"
"Only if you made it," she mused sitting at her spot across from him with a smirk grabbing the cup he passed her. Taking her first sip she swallowed a moan at the taste, warming her chest as she drank. "Honestly Sirius, you really do make the most amazing cup of tea."
Grinning at her comment he nodded his thanks. "Kitten I have a question."
"Pray tell," she smirked back at him.
"How often do you have your nightmares?"
He silently cursing himself watching her grin fall as she looked into her cup with sudden interest. "A few times a week. It varies."
"Do you always use silencing charms?"
"Yes."
"They're nothing to be ashamed of Hermione. No more then the scars we bare on our bodies."
Finally looking up to met his gaze, "I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I wake up before they get too bad and sometimes I can't..."
"What about potions?"
"I've tried but they don't work anymore. They used to work on the initial nightmares but after...after war they never worked the same." Picking her tea back up, she looked at Sirius above the rim watching him zone out at her words. "Don't worry about me Sirius, I've managed them for years now. I'm sorry for waking you yesterday."
Tilting his head at her comment he realized she likely didn't know he'd just heard her. "Oh love don't apologize, I told you before I understand nightmares. You don't need to hide them here."
The floo activating cut off her response as someone call out her name.
"In here, Harry!"
Coming through the doorway, Harry rushed over to her and sunk to a knee at her side while Ginny took the seat beside her.
"Mione, are you okay? We've been thinking of you all night."
"I was a little shaken but I'm fine now," she reassured him.
"I can't believe he said that Hermione."
"Harry..."
"You are apart of our family! He had no right to say those things!"
Standing abruptly she made her way to the sink. Clutching the counter she bit back, "No Harry, I'm not. I'm the stray."
"Hermi-"
"No Harry!" she whirled at him, "My parents are gone! Molly and Arthur took me in but I no longer have a place there because I left their son. I need to accept that."
"Do you honestly think they only have you over because of Ron?"
Hermione shrugged, "It's always been because of you and Ron. You were my only connections there. But I'm not actually family. I know Molly always wanted me to be but that's no different then her always wanting grandchildren. Lavender can just as easily slip into my place."
"Kitten."
"Stop," she whispered barely sparing a moment to look at Sirius, "I don't need your pity too. This is just life. Harry doesn't bring his ex's, Ginny doesn't bring hers, why should I be any different." Looking at Ginny she closed her eyes, "I love you both. I love your parents and everyone else for that matter. But I don't belong there anymore and I think we all know it."
Ginny got up and made her way to Hermione, pulling her into a hug as best she could with her belly, "You belong with us because you are apart of our family Mione."
Heart breaking she pulled away from her best friend and passed her to Harry, "Take her home, she needs to get off her feet. Can't have my godchild arriving early can we?" Flashing them a pained smile she left the room, disappearing up the stairs.