Chapter 3 – Brass Dramatics

-:-:-

The third time Evie showed up, Harry figured this was going to be a recurring theme.

"She's repressed," Audrey explained in a bored drawl. "Dwarves are super respectful with their courting trials so she and Doug won't be able to properly get it on until he proposes to her. Aside from that, she was trapped on a damn island all her life with a crazy pants chastity pusher – of course she's inexperienced and ready to discover what she's been missing out on."

"Fair enough," Harry said with a shrug, seeing as he and Audrey took advantage of the sexual opportunities presented by the dreamscape themselves when they were feeling up to it.

For Audrey, it was only once every few days, but she was always happy to set Harry up with a situation while she got to watch from the sidelines – either him ravishing Gil or finally getting to pleasure Uma. Every once and a while, she let him play around with her favorite, Chad, meaning Harry had to exercise the utmost care because even if it was an imaginary dream version of that guy, Audrey was still massively defensive of him.

"It is fair," Audrey agreed with a huff. "Really, our society has it stupid enough as it is when it comes to young royals and sexual education. There practically isn't any because they're so worried about accidental bastard children, when we can only benefit from learning how to have safe and healthy sex." She let out a frustrated huff. "Idiots."

Harry had a feeling this was but one of the many issues that seemed to plague Audrey. For all that they weren't friends, their time together had gifted him a certain understanding of her, giving him little tidbits like the fact her parents were dead so she was raised by a set of super strict grandmothers who seemed to have entirely unrealistic expectations for her.

"Fuck it," Audrey declared, making Evie's scenario for that night involve a chastity belt filled with sex toys, Evie being teased relentlessly until her one true love, Doug could fuck the thing off her and free her from her torment, kissing her flushed folds better until he was eagerly eating her out in front of all of her friends.

Harry would think that they'd start recycling ideas after a while, but Audrey always seemed to have something up her sleeve to keep things fresh. She alternated between the extraordinary to the benign, dialing back her dress up tendencies until Jay was outfitted in something he might believably wear should he ever embrace his more feminine side – an oversized pink sweater and black leggings, shiny lilac boots and his hair half pulled into a messy bun, his eyes done up with makeup and his wrists and fingers decked with a fine assortment of girlier jewelry.

Those nights probably threw him off more than anything else because they seemed like a more believable evolution, and instead of sex marathons Audrey would have everyone hanging out in the park or at a shopping center or something, and Ben would show up and sling an arm around Jay's waist and tell him what a cutie he was and Mal would duck in and do the same, giving his butt a quick squeeze before she darted off in search of Evie, who was flushing furiously in Uma's arms, the captain and Doug going on about how proud they were of Evie's accomplishments.

"Is this what normal relationships are like?" Harry asked when the world shifted back to Evie's cottage where the lot of them cuddled in her media room, Carlos making a determined effort to climb into Jay's lap while Doug settled Evie in Chad's lap, the blond prince blushing and offering his own compliments to Evie's hard work.

"Probably," Audrey said with a shrug. "I don't know, I've only ever dated Ben. I mean, technically I'm dating Chad, but I'll never be able to give him the happily ever after he wants."

"Because he's so… emotional?" Harry tried, most of his experience coming from Audrey's dream-interpretation of the blond prince, who seemed to feel things so pointedly.

"Exactly," Audrey replied, seeming pleased by this deduction. "My training has made me too cynical for someone like him. I love him, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't be his one and only. It would be a constant cycle of disappointment for him no matter how much he insisted otherwise. He needs someone who he can cuddle and smile at who will match his enthusiasm. And me? I can't even come close."

Harry sighed. "I feel that way about Gilly, sometimes. Guy's too good for this damn world, but he's got low self-esteem due to his shithead dad."

There was a pause.

"Think we should set them up?" Audrey tried after a moment. "It would keep Gil off the market from Jay, and Chad would treat him like a damn king if he thought Gil legitimately liked him."

"Gil likes everyone," Harry said, mulling this over in his mind. "Uma can't know we set them up."

"I'll make something happen organically," Audrey decided, and that was that.

-:-:-

'Organically' in this instance meant Audrey suggesting Chad volunteer with the Isle programs in his free time and Harry making sure the prince and Gil were paired up together to help with the kiddos, and the rest was pretty much history. The two were easily the most effective team of volunteers they had to work with the smaller kids, and between their joint enthusiasm and goodwill, they were instant friends, Harry watching them get lunch together more than once while they shamelessly bonded. Audrey goaded Chad into asking Gil out, Harry propped Gil up until he felt worthy of the prince's affections and they were dating in short order, seeming blissfully happy while doing it.

'Yesssss' Audrey replied when Harry had texted her photos of the two of them in action, she and Harry having traded phone numbers after the first week of their unconventional partnership. 'That is what I'm fucking TALKING about'.

'Damn right,' Harry texted back, riding the high of his own satisfaction. Now Gil was off the market with someone he knew would take care of him – a prince, even, and if anyone could be lord consort or whatever, it would be Gil.

"But I can't give him babies," Gil whispered to Harry when they got back to the beach house the king had set them up in as a reward for helping save Auradon. "So I know it's not a forever thing, but I- it's still really nice."

"He's got a Fairy Godmother, don't he?" Harry tried while he thought this over. "Maybe she can magically gift ye babies or something."

"Really?" Gil perked up at this, his face rife with joy. "That would- that would be amazing. Like, maybe I wouldn't be the best queen or whatever-"

"Ye'd be the best fucking queen, Gilly," Harry snapped before Gil could start believing that nonsense. "Ye got the biggest heart in the whole world. If ye were a queen, ye could do tons of charity stuff and work with children and make the rest of the world happy just by existing."

"Aw, Harry," Gil said, the scant ray of moonlight flitting through the curtains illuminating a dark flush on his cheeks. "Thank you. It's so strange, ever since we got to Auradon every day I think things can't get better than the day before, and then they do." He shivered, clutching onto the stuffed bull Evie had made him a bit tighter. "Now if I could only date you and Uma too, things would be perfect."

"Ye know how it is, Gilly," Harry sighed. "Uma's too good for the both of us, and ye can only date one person."

As far as he knew. Wasn't like they could be the ones to start that damn trend, the public would just think they were garbage Isle people with broken values or whatever.

"That's true," Gil sighed, slumping into his pillow. "Well, I am happy to date Chad, and I hope we really could get magic babies. I wanna have a big family one day, and love all of them and let them know they did good and that they were cared for no matter how smart or not evil they are."

"Ye should tell Chad that," Harry advised, and he was rewarded for this with a dream blowjob from Audrey later because apparently Chad had been over the moon ecstatic to hear such a thing.

"We will get them magic babies," Audrey pledged, her gaze narrowed in a look that expressed the world would be bowing to her needs in short order. "If I have to bear each one of them myself, they will have children."

"You're a soft spot, aren't ye, Rose?" Harry chuckled as he took in her determined expression, and while she rolled her eyes, she still climbed into his lap, getting him ready to go with a few determined shifts of her hips.

"Soft as you, Hook?" she countered with a quirked brow.

Harry rolled his eyes right back at her. "I won't tell if ye don't."

"Then we have an accord," she drawled, easing herself onto his length with a wicked smirk.

-:-:-

For the record, Harry was minding his own damn business, trying to find a secluded place to eat in peace because being a Hero of Auradon meant people kept wanting to shake his hand and ask for pictures when all he wanted was to eat his fucking sandwich. He generally retreated to the park because it was close to the refugee facilities and had a bounty of trees ripe for climbing – not that he stumbled upon his latest problem being close to the sky, though.

No, he'd been wandering towards the manmade waterfall (because Auradon had those, like the place wasn't fucking pretty enough as it was) when his ears caught the barest hints of a whimper.

Weeks of working with traumatized children had Harry looking for the source of the sound on reflex, wondering if one of his charges had gotten away from their caretakers again (they did that because they were wily things, and Harry half-admired them for it but also wished they would get the idea that things were safe now). He ducked behind the stupid waterfall to check the cave nook most people didn't know about (Harry did because he pulled children out of it on a regular basis, his life was a game of hide and seek now) only to come face-to-face with not a refugee, but Evie's half-dwarf boyfriend crying into the shelter of his knees.

He looked extra pathetic too, all curled up on the ground and hunched over, and when he looked up he still somehow managed to be sad in an artistic kind of way, because of course Auradon fucks were pretty at that too. They were pretty at everything. It seemed to be written into their genetic code.

Harry, because he was confused, made up for that momentary admiration by defaulting into his usual gruff candor. "What the fuck do ye have to cry about?"

Doug just blinked at him, seeming as shocked by Harry's appearance as Harry was at his, until the dam seemed to break for him. "Evie's cheating on me," he croaked, burying his face back into the shelter of his knees before he could release a few more good sobs.

Harry considered the wreck before him, then considered the warm sandwich that was steadily becoming less warm the longer this drew on. Weighed his options.

He sighed, and with great reluctance, settled himself down next to the stupid half-dwarf. "Princess is the biggest goody two-shoes I know. What in the hell makes ye think she'd ever stoop to cheating on ye?"

"She keeps spending the night with Jay," Doug croaked, tears trickling down his cheeks. "She says it's to help him with his weird dreams, but when she comes out of his room, she-" He dropped his voice as though to address a very terrible thing. "She smells like sex."

Harry decided in that moment not to ask, decided that dwarves probably had enhanced senses of some kind that allowed Doug to know the state of Evie's panties or whatever. Those details were not important so he did not focus on them, choosing to address the actual matter at hand.

Only Doug was still talking. "And it's not like I blame her. I can't have sex with her until I've proven my worth, and Jay- she's known him forever, they have history I could never measure up to, and just- it's Jay. Everyone loves Jay. He's funny and handsome and an actual hero and I'm just the dumb half-dwarf loser-"

"Stop your fucking pity party for half a second, ye dumb piece of shit," Harry said, pinching his nose. "Have ye ever thought of- I dunno- talking to your girlfriend about this? For all ye know there could be a reasonable explanation for this that doesn't involve your girlfriend doing something entirely uncharacteristic of her good-person behavior that would actively hurt ye, a person she has willingly claimed in public." Harry huffed a stray piece of hair out of his face. "Evie's a strategist – if she didn't want to date ye anymore, she would have manipulated ye into breaking up with her. Sneaking behind yer back for something as paltry as sex – that's not Evie. Even I know that and I spent most of the past few years hating her, so…" Sufficiently out of pep talk, Harry sighed, then started digging into his lunch bag. "Ye want half a sandwich?"

Doug just sort of blinked at him. "Um- sure."

"Great," Harry drawled, and maybe the panini wasn't as warm as it would have been a few minutes ago, but it was still good.

Harry was so used to splitting his food with Uma or Gil that he didn't really think much of sharing with Doug, dumping handfuls of chips into his lap and tearing the chocolate chip cookie in half before Doug could ask him. Which, in hindsight, he probably wouldn't have done, because Doug wasn't a chocolate fiend like De Vil or Gilly was.

"Ye got a little…" Harry gestured towards a smear of chocolate on Doug's bottom lip and, after a few unsuccessful attempts of the other brushing it away, did the deed himself, too used to taking care of Gil's messes to do anything.

"Um- thanks," Doug said when they were finished, his cheeks still flushed with the exertion of his tears.

"Whatever," Harry grumbled, standing up with a lazy stretch. "Talk to yer girlfriend before ye commit to the dramatics, idiot."

And with that, he trailed back into the sunlight, off to take care of some more ungrateful brats.

-:-:-

Harry probably shouldn't have been surprised to see that Doug had made his way into Jay's dreams that night, but he was, probably because he was stupid.

"Yeah, this was inevitable," Audrey deduced while they watched Jay and Evie explain how things might go to Doug. "Evie and Doug are too close for either of them to keep secrets for long. Plus, this allows them to have a healthy sexual relationship while technically upholding all of Doug's strict traditions, so…" She trailed off with a shrug. "Win-win."

"The question is, how do we use this to our advantage?" Harry asked, reclining on the couch he and Audrey used when viewing Jay's dream world. It was half red, half pink – something that catered to both of them.

"We ramp things back up a bit," Audrey declared with a quirk of her lips. "Jay's been getting too used to these easy dreams. Let's let him think that he subconsciously wants to put on a show for Doug."

"Sounds perfect," Harry cackled, summoning a bowl of dream popcorn that satisfied their real taste buds as he was slowly got used to wielding Audrey's secondhand power.

She started things off in Evie's cottage, always the safest of spaces.

"Doug!" Gil cheered, popping up with a smiling Chad in-tow. "You're here! Come on, we need to reward you for being such a good boy!"

"What?" Doug sputtered, shooting Evie a helpless look before he was swept into Gil's arms, the blond setting him down on top of a grand piano before he started stripping Doug out of his clothes. "Gil."

"That's me!" Gil chirped, pausing to pull Doug into a surprised kiss that the dwarf-kin melted into seemingly on reflex, Doug blushing furiously when he pulled back, something that only worsened when Chad started fondling between his legs.

"You've done such a good job, Dougo," Chad said, his cheeks dusted in a bashful flush. "Getting into the masters music program, working so hard for Evie- you deserve so much."

"I- thanks?" Doug gasped as Gil began kissing up the side of his neck. "But I um- I like girls."

"Aw, Doug," Chad laughed like this was funny. "You don't have to try and blend in anymore; we all know dwarves are pansexual." He leaned forward and nipped at the shell of Doug's ear. "Just like we know they're polyamorous. Why try to fight part of yourself when you can have a good time instead?"

"We like you a lot, Doug!" Gil chirped, both blonds cheering when he finally freed Doug's length from his clothes. "Wow, you're so big."

"I'm gonna ride that," Chad decided, making Doug whimper between them.

"This is not going how I expected it to," Jay said, he and Evie just sort of watching with rapt attention. "Then again, it never does."

"Jay!" an annoyed Carlos huffed from behind him. "You're wearing the wrong outfit."

"What?" Jay asked, seeming confused because his current clothes were already an accumulation of pastels he'd never wear in the first place.

"You lost the bet?" Carlos said, holding up a sexy maid outfit with a short, fluffy skirt. "Come on, a deal's a deal. Besides, you seemed super excited to wear it earlier."

"I was not," Jay hissed, flushing dark.

"Don't make me get Harry," Carlos warned, but then he didn't give Jay a chance to comply before Dream Harry was upon them, pinning Jay to the couch and stripping him out of his clothes while Jay sputtered objections.

Every once and a while Harry would give Jay's ass a firm smack that left him gasping, until he was beautifully naked underneath their twin gazes.

"Evie," Jay whined in betrayal as Harry started working him into the skimpy dress. "Do something."

Evie, who had been watching Chad and Gil ravish her boyfriend on the piano-turned-bed, seemed suitably distracted, her cheeks claimed in a flush as she watched Gil work his fingers in and out of Doug's eager hole while the musician whimpered into Chad's mouth.

"Evie's not getting you out of things this time," Carlos huffed, impatiently waiting for Harry to shove Jay into another set of frilly panties and thigh high stockings, high heels and a little maid hat – whatever the fuck those were called. "Now come on, let's get to work."

"Carlos," Jay whimpered, but he still stumbled after his friend who nudged a duster into Jay's hand and urged him to get to work.

His tasks required a lot of bending over, a lot of climbing onto chairs so they could see up his skirt, Dream Harry letting out a wolf whistle every time he caught sight of Jay's panties.

"Can't I stop now?" Jay asked ten minutes into this. "The place is already clean."

"No," Carlos huffed. "Now you need to get over here and ask how you can please your master."

Jay flushed but did as he was told, bashfully approaching Carlos with his head tipped low.

"On your knees," Carlos ordered, and Jay did that, his blush darkening when Carlos stretched his legs wide, motioning for Jay to crawl between them. "Are you hungry?"

"Carlos," Jay whimpered, shifting uneasily in place. "Please, you have a girlfriend-"

"That's master to you," Carlos said. "And I think you're very hungry."

Jay shuddered, Dream Harry letting out a small cackle from his position off to the side.

Carlos gently curled a hand around the back of Jay's head, urging him closer until he could nuzzle against his groin. The moment he made contact, Jay was shivering, lips parting in a reflexive moan that only worsened when Carlos undid his fly, the young De Ville making Jay watch as he eased his zipper down and pushed his shorts open, revealing a telling bulge that strained against his underwear.

"Are you hungry?" Carlos repeated, coaxing Jay forward, but ultimately leaving the choice as to whether he'd close the distance up to Jay. "Hungry for my dick?"

"Y-Yeah," Jay admitted with a moan. "Yes, Ca- master, I'm um- I'm hungry for- could I please-"

"Are you hungry for Harry's dick?" Carlos asked, his voice surprisingly firm, enough to leave the actual Harry shivering from his spot beside Audrey.

"Yes," Jay groaned. "Yes, I want his dick in my mouth."

"What about Ben?" Carlos pressed. "Do you want his dick too? Are you hungry for the king's dick, my little slut?"

"Yes, master," Jay moaned, mouthing at the groin of Carlos' underwear. "I want- I want all of them. Ben and Aziz and Harry- yours and um- Doug's and-"

"So hungry," Carlos said, thumbing Jay's bottom lip. "Well, you'd better get started quenching that thirst."

"Please," Jay groaned, and then he was pulling Carlos' underwear down, lapping clumsily at his length before he eventually took it into his mouth.

"Well," Harry said, trying not to blink in surprise. "I didn't expect that."

"I did," Audrey drawled somewhat victoriously. "He's been forced into the position of macho tough guy his entire life, and I assume this kind of shit on the Isle indicated weakness, right? Because you weren't good enough to get your money elsewhere?"

"Pretty much," Harry said, surprised by her summary but distracted at how Jay was eagerly going to town on Carlos. You couldn't give out weaknesses on the Isle and this was a pretty big one, though maybe it had been culminating by Jay yearning for what he couldn't have, who knew.

"That's it," Carlos purred, cheeks flushed as he unloaded into Jay's mouth. "Every last drop, Jay, we can't be wasteful."

"Y-Yes, master," Jay panted, seeming buoyed by Carlos' praise, the thief letting out a small whine when Carlos traded out for Dream Harry, who coaxed Jay forward with a roguish smile.

"There ye are, lovely," Dream Harry murmured, running his hands through Jay's dark locks. "Your mouth feels real good, sweetheart. Good enough to please all your masters."

Jay shuddered, moaning around Harry's length before he got back to work, his hips seeming to rut against nothing, but there was an obvious tent in his skirt that indicated how interested he was in the proceedings.

Across the room, Evie was being teased by a mer-version of Uma that was hanging out in a pool that had just appeared, the captain using her tentacles to pull Evie's clothes off while the princess writhed in her grip.

"That's it!" Mal and Jane cheered from where they were watching on the couch. "Get it, Evie!"

"Mal!" Evie croaked when Uma started rubbing a tentacle furiously between her legs, making the princess ride that sucker-laden appendage and coaxing her back and forth while she continued to moan.

"I gotta get in on this," Jane declared, and then she was unfurling what seemed to be real fairy wings, fluttering over to Evie and dusting her breasts with pixie dust that seemed to make them swell up.

"Oh, boy," Mal said, the two of them squeezing those sensitive mounds until clear slick seemed to burst from her nipples, making Evie throw her head back with a crow.

"You're doing such a good job, Jay," Dream Audrey cooed from the other side of the room, Jay now doing his damnedest to work his mouth around Ben while Audrey eased a large dildo between his cheeks. "Just like that, sweetheart, your masters are so very proud."

Jay, for his part, just moaned, unloading into his panties for what seemed to be the third time.

When it was over, Jay collapsed on his back, his skirt riding up and expression bashful under the focus of his accumulated 'masters'.

"Now look what you've done," Carlos huffed, tugging on the soaked panties and revealing the excess slick inside. "You've made a mess. You can't finish cleaning like this."

"Guess Mal and I will have to take care of you," Ben said, carelessly dragging the underwear down Jay's legs and lapping at his groin, Mal joining him a few moments later.

"Guys," Jay gasped, his legs going wide. "You um- you shouldn't-"

"Your masters will do what they want," Carlos tutted. "Now tell them how good they're making you feel."

"S-So good, so- I can't- guys," Jay moaned, head falling back with a croak.

Across the room, Uma was eating Evie out while the princess and Jane traded lazy kisses, and Doug, who seemed so thoroughly spent, cuddled shyly into Chad's side while Gil continued to dote him with compliments.

"I hope this makes Jay super awkward," Audrey giggled to herself. "The most awkward."

"Alternatively, it might make people think the three of them are having orgies," Harry offered offhandedly.

Audrey considered this. "That also works for me. Polyamory's fine for mythical races, but Light forbid if humans try to give it a go."

"Which will make Jay awkward," Harry cheered. "Guess this all worked out for the best then."

"Oh, definitely," Audrey agreed, and the two of them exchanged a very important high five, because it was always vital to celebrate your achievements.

-:-:-

Endnotes:

As long as Jay's awkward in the end, it doesn't matter what supplemental goals they achieve. It's all good ;)

Harry only has so much pep talk stamina in him, Doug should be grateful for what he got, lol.

Until next time :)