Just Wizard Things

by AmaratsuDD5

A timeless war is being waged across the face of Remnant, an invisible conflict that few know of and fewer still understand. In the middle of this stands a single man, humanity's greatest light against the darkness, and he'll stop at nothing to make the perfect brew that will awaken the world from its decaf slumber. Oh, and stop the forces of Salem too. If he gets around to it.

5. Wizard 3: Revengeance

Welcome back to your next taste of my slow descent into madness.

Or maybe not so slow...

Anyway, hope y'all have been enjoying your year, and not spending too much on Black Friday deals. *Me at my computer: 'Oh look at all the games on sale... I'm about to make some financial decisions.'

As always, your thoughts and comments give me LIFE. Thank you for reading, and I hope you get even half the enjoyment I do out of writing this clowncar trainwreck of a fic.

I will write more, this is a threat.

Peace.
~Amaratsu

---

"Glannis" Ozpin intoned gravely, standing at the top of the stairs like a monolith, "I require your assistance. I do believe that Salem has stolen my pants."

His hard-working deputy's eyes swiveled around to face him—as did the eyes of the twenty-odd students currently attending class.

Ozpin stood firm against the attention, refusing the cave under the pressure even as a cool draft chilled his nether regions. He'd been in enough people to know that body positivity was an important part of a healthy life.

"Who's Salem?" A second year whispered.

"What do you mean 'inside other people'?!" John Stark added, looking disturbed.

Oh dear, he'd said that out loud, hadn't he?

"Yes. Yes, you did." His faithful deputy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Bother Ozpin thought, careful this time to keep his thoughts in his headspace. His curse being what it was, he was accustomed to sharing a mind. The downside to that being that he occasionally didn't realize he was operating the mouth of their body when he sought to comment.

Of course, that often became a moot point when his erstwhile host faded into the buzz of his subconscious, leaving him alone in a stolen body. He'd lived what felt like thousands of lives as thousands of people, it only made sense that he'd occasionally slip up and expect to hear a reply.

"Headmaster." Raven 2.0 said flatly, breaking him from his reverie quite rudely, "I understand that you have quite the busy day, but I don't suppose I could ask you to make yourself decent before presenting yourself to our students?"

"Revolution waits for no man, my dear." Ozpin said genially, generously deciding that he could spend some time imparting a lesson for the youth, "The Grimm will not wait for you to take the time to get 'decent', and you too may one day find yourself caught with more than your metaphorical pants down."

"Headmaster." Raven 2.0 snapped, "Stop flashing my students."

"Oh pish-posh." Ozpin scoffed, "I have nothing they haven't seen before. Kids these days and their porn. Why, I'm sure what they're seeing now is quite tame, seeing as I lack tentacles or a six-foot horse schlong." A vein in 2.0's forehead pulsed angrily, goodness but the woman needed to work on her temper, he couldn't imagine it was good for her heart. "Fine." He said, rolling his eyes and shucking off his coat to tie around his waist like a make-shift kilt. "Goodness knows the children could use a proud example of body positivity, but don't let me stop you from coddling them."

"Headmaster." Raven 2.0 ground out through her teeth, "Aren't you terribly busy right now?"

"I always have time for my students, my dear deputy." Ozpin chided; he blinked, now there was an idea… "Actually, why don't I clear my schedule for a few days! I'm sure you're due for some sort of vacation time and it's been simply ages since I last had the opportunity to teach a practical lesson."

He might have thought the expression playing out across 2.0's face bordered on horror if he hadn't known she must be simply ecstatic to be receiving such a generous opportunity. "I—I'm quite sure that won't be necessary, Headmaster." She said with a too-wide smile. Ah the false modesty of youth, he should have known his loyal follower would loathe to show weakness in front of him. She really had been working her little tail off, hadn't she? Raven 2.0 lacked the brutal efficiency of her namesake, but she made up for it with hard work and admirable dedication.

Ozpin shook his head sadly, if only he'd paid more attention, going by the haggard look in her eye he'd allowed her to carry on for far too long. How eager she must be to embrace his generous offer, and yet how embarrassing to be caught out by the object of her admiration! He'd have to be delicate here; give her enough leeway that she could gratefully accept his proposal while still maintaining her own dignity. "Glenda, I really must insist. Just think of the practical benefits these students could receive from my tutelage. Why, you were so concerned with my lack of dress just a few minutes ago, give me but half an hour with these children and I'll teach them how to make tube-stockings out of a rabbit's entrails!"

"Headmaster, this class teaches practical combat techniques." Raven 2.0 said, sounding rather desperate.

"Never fear," He said, giving her a reassuring wizardly smile, "I have no intention have them making clothing out of each other, no matter how stylish or practical it might be." His second didn't look reassured, which he ought to have expected, really. It was the folly of youth to try and take the world upon one's shoulders, but it was the responsibility of age and wisdom to do their part in lightening that load. "I really must insist." He said, dropping his voice down to a conspiratorial whisper, "I'll make it an order from your headmaster if I must. Allow me to stretch these old teaching muscles, won't you? An old man like me needs to 'get down' with the children on occasion, lest my skills grow rusty!"

Raven 2.0 looked conflicted. He knew this because her conflicted face looked remarkably like frustration and rage on other people. He'd heard from the good ol' grapevine that many of Beacon's students—and even some of the staff—thought of 2.0 as difficult to read and intimidating. They, of course, lacked the worldly experience he possessed. It was only natural that they'd fall short of his frankly impressive abilities to understand those who worked beneath him. Even now, that telling vein in 2.0's head pulsed like an extra heart. It was a dead giveaway that she was furiously thinking of a way around his words, no doubt desperate to prove herself to him. Silly child, how could she not see that she was the pride of Beacon academy. She had to know that he was always proud of her, yet she always worked as if she had something to prove. No, this break would be good for her, he would not be swayed.

Still, best not to give her too much time to solidify her arguments, 2.0 could be quite stubborn when she had time to dig her heels in.

"Why don't you have the first-years meet me outside the Emerald Forest in a quarter of an hour." He said cheerfully, steamrolling over 2.0's thought process before she had the chance to settle on a particular argument, "I'll fetch a staff member and take them along if it worries you so, I'm sure our resident Grimm-killer is eager to show off his field experience!"

Laughing to himself, Ozpin gave his deputy a gentle pat on the shoulder before turning—mooning the entire class in the process—and zipping out the door.

Glynda Goodwitch could only stare, hollow eyed, as hurricane Ozpin left nothing but devastation in its wake. "Uh, Professor," Miss Rose said timidly, standing in the arena across from Mr. Arc where they'd been in the middle of a spar before he had come, "Should we be going down to meet him?"

"No." Miss Goodwitch said tartly, "You will be finishing your spar first, something you might have already accomplished if you hadn't been trying to pad it out."

Young Miss Rose quailed under the stern glare she sent her way, and Mr. Arc winced. Truthfully, she'd originally paired the two off in the hopes that Miss Rose's friendship with the boy would lead to her going just easy enough on him to avoid the rather one-sided fights he'd had to participate in, but even her patience had limits. She'd reached them when the two young leaders had passed each other for the third time, blades cutting silver arcs through the air before they stopped dead, both students utterly untouched and holding their final poses like something out of a Mistralian samurai movie.

Utterly ridiculous. "Miss Rose, Mr. Arc," She said, reaching up to rub at the rapidly forming headache behind her eyes, "While it is wonderful to see two teams getting along so well, I must ask that you make an effort to take this seriously." She spared them both a glare, voice turning icy, "Cease this tomfoolery and wrap this spar up in the next three minutes or your next opponent shall be me."

Miss Rose 'eeped', the whites of her eyes clearly visible as she shot a glance between Miss Goodwitch and her fellow team leader, who looked similarly horrified by the threat. Whatever else might have been said about the young leader, she certainly wasn't slow on her feet; she rocketed towards her friend as a semblance-enhanced blur of black and crimson, hood snapping in the wind of her passage as her blade scythed forward to reap its toll on the young Arc's aura.

Mr. Arc had apparently not been expecting this, as he only had time to tear his stunned eyes away from Miss Goodwitch and let out a (remarkably high pitched) terrified shriek as his friend's weapon carved a crimson crescent through the air between them.

In hindsight, perhaps she should have seen it coming.

Miss Goodwitch couldn't see it from her position, but she'd have bet good lien that the sheer terror in the boy's voice had impacted Miss Rose more than any of his strikes had. The young leader abruptly flinched mid-blow, violently yanking her weapon up so her blade only parted the air above her target's head. It was a move borne from the younger Huntress' inherent kindness, she'd no doubt heard the fear in Mr. Arc's voice the same as everyone else had (the boy had an impressively shrill shriek, she'd seen Miss Belladona literally cover her entire head to try and drown it out) and had instinctively averted her blow.

Not the best decision when one was moving towards their target fast enough to appear a blur.

Miss Rose crashed into her opponent in a brilliant flash of aura and ricocheted off the heavier boy, pinwheeling wildly through the air until she smacked into the wall that led up into the stands. Even as she collapsed to the ground in a heap her opponent staggered back, arms windmilling wildly before he too toppled out of bounds with a muted thud.

…

Miss Goodwitch dragged her hand down her face with a despairing sigh, then glanced down at her electronic clipboard. Miss Rose, while not possessing of an untarnished record, had long since proven herself to be in the top percentile of her class; Mr. Arc's record, by comparison, was a whole lot of lost fights stacked up against a great big zero. In a rare moment of pity, she tentatively raised that number by one.

"Miss Rose, while your technique was superb, you cannot always avoid harming those you seek to fight. Unscrupulous individuals will seek to twist that kindness against you if you cannot learn to harden yourself when necessary." The young huntress struggled to her feet, looking dizzy, but still managed an embarrassed nod before pulling her hood up to hide her features. Nodding, Miss Goodwitch turned towards her other student. Jaune Arc winced as hard emerald eyes came to rest on him, averting his eyes ashamedly, and Miss Goodwitch sighed when she realized that the boy likely knew exactly what he needed to work on compared to his peers. "Mr. Arc…" She paused, then smirked slightly, "Consider joining Beacon's choir as a soprano. Failing at that, you could always look into weaponizing that voice, you'd be hardly the first student to consider the use of sonic weapons against a superior opponent." The boy cringed, but nodded, flushing brightly as she shooed him off to the changing rooms.

Now to address the elephant in the room.

"The rest of the first years will be meeting the headmaster on the cliffside in approximately 12 minutes. I'd suggest you pack for an overnight stay." There were no groans of frustration—no one would have dared to do so in her presence—but Miss Goodwitch wasn't blind to the frustrated looks the assembled members of teams RWBY, CRNL, and JNPR shot each other as they made their way to their feet and shuffled towards the door. She wouldn't have allowed any complaints to stand on principle, of course, but she could sympathize with them on this. Combat class was the final class of the day and on a Friday, no less. Not for the first time, she found herself wishing her 'esteemed employer' had put even an ounce of thought into his schemes.

/*/

By the time Ozpin's students trickled into the meeting point, he'd already had the time to sort out his wardrobe, locate The Stache, and prepare for their excursion. "Wonderful day for a fieldtrip, wouldn't you say, my good man?" He asked with a chuckle, squinting up at the sun overhead with a smile.

The Stache jerked slightly as Ozpin spoke, "Er, yes." The Stache said awkwardly.

"Ah, just smell that fresh air. We don't spend nearly as much getting in touch with Remnant as we should, you know." Ozpin said, taking a deep, satisfied, breath.

"Erm, Professor Ozpin?" Little Autumn Rose said hesitantly, biting her lip as she stared up at him with big silver eyes. She really did look so much like her mother… Ozpin nearly expected to see a grouchy shadow using her for cover.

"How can I help, Miss Rose?" Ozpin asked, absently adjusting his clothing. He really wished he'd had time to properly dry it, but—so long as you ignored the soft squelching—it did keep him pleasantly cool.

"Um, it's just… is that—uh—a deer skin?" The future star of his magical girl anime asked hesitantly, pointing towards him with a look of horrified fascination.

Blinking, Ozpin glanced down at his make-shift toga. It was true that he hadn't had the time to dry or thread it properly, but he thought it looked quite fetching. "Why, yes." He said with a smile, "A rushed affair, to be sure, but I do believe it came out quite well, nonetheless. Thank you for noticing."

"Oh." Miss Rose said, her voice small and face pale. Ah to be young again. Ozpin shook his head, bemused, she really ought not worry quite so much. He hardly expected her to be capable of crafting clothes of such quality on her first try. Ah, but perhaps he ought to consider her modesty, couldn't have a future star flashing everyone after all. Especially a female one, audiences could be so hypocritically judgmental about that kind of thing when it came to the women they idolized.

"Hasn't it only been, like, fifteen minutes since we last saw him?" Raven's progeny muttered under her breath to her dark-haired partner.

"Why yes!" Ozpin said, making the golden-haired girl jump, "Survival waits for no man, my dear. We are Huntsmen and Huntresses, you know, there may very well come a time when you are forced to rely on skills other than martial skill."

"Psh." One of Raven 2.0's charity cases scoffed loudly, "Please. Our job is to smash Grimm, not root around in the dirt like an animal."

The Stache's mighty namesake twitched irritably, but before he could step in to correct the lad, Ozpin stepped forward. "An interesting point, Mr. Winchungus. Allow me to provide a counter. Where are these Grimm you speak of?"

"Out there." The boy said, gesturing out over the Emerald Forest angrily, "So let's stop wasting time and get to it, yeah?"

"Out there?" Ozpin said genially, making a show of squinting out over the gently swaying trees and sipping contemplatively at his mug, "Quite the large track of land you're referring to."

"What does it matter?" Winchesterfield sputtered, "A Grimm's a Grimm, and we'll find plenty of the things to practice on. That's what this is all for, right?"

Ozpin shook his head sadly. He couldn't fault his deputy for extending a hand to help these poor rejects, but this just went to show how correct he was to attempt to cut this year's crop down to seven. The poor boy was dreadfully off base with his assumptions, it would take a lot to bring him about to a proper Huntsman's mindset. "My boy, there's more to being a Huntsman than running randomly into some trees and attacking anything in sight with red eyes. What do you suppose you'll do if you're called out to some frontier village being plagued by one specific Grimm? Slay a Beowolf and call it a day?"

"W-well, a Grimm's still just a Grimm!" The boy argued hotly, his face growing red as he no doubt realized the foolishness of his assertion.

Still, Ozpin could hardly in good conscience leave the boy so woefully unprepared. "You're correct." He said, making the child puff up with pride for just a moment… then he stared the boy down over his spectacles as he delivered the punishing blow: "A Grimm is exactly what it seems: A monster of blood and darkness unrelentingly set on the destruction of all sentient life on Remnant. A bullet is also just a bullet, but it would only take a moment's carelessness for one to kill you and I can personally attest to the fact that the latter example would be infinitely faster and less personal."

2.0's charity case recoiled as if he'd been struck, mouth moving soundlessly as he stared at Ozpin with wide eyes. It was a staggering realization that every Hunter realized at some point in their careers, and a humbling one at that. It was a good thing he'd thought to do this now, before the children learned the lesson too late.

"That's the purpose of this little exercise." Ozpin said gently, reaching out to pat the boy reassuringly on the pauldron, "There may come a time where you find yourself bereft of shelter and supplies, and it would be quite negligent of me to not prepare you for such an eventuality. You'll find that things go wrong in the field, Bullheads crash, equipment malfunctions, maps are lost, or storms blow everything away. You are the next generation of Remnants defenders; you must be ready to face any challenge regardless of how prepared you are for it."

"So, this is, what, some sort of survival training?" Young Mr. Shark asked, nervously adjusting the straps of the heavy camping pack he'd brought along.

"Something like that." Ozpin said with a small smile, taking another sip of his coffee as he eyed the pack and mentally marking the boy as the first to experience an equipment 'malfunction'. Preparation was important after all, but so was improvisation. Besides, there were all sorts of animals just waiting to be skinned and repurposed into fashionable clothing! "I believe an old student of mine called this the 'No Bitches Club', a crude—if accurate—title."

Misses Rose, Xio-Kong, and—for some inexplicable reason—Mr. Rawrc all looked up abruptly with varying degrees of horror, alarm, and shockingly enough for the young man—surprised recognition. "Woah, woah, woah!" Little Raven said, waving her hands in front of her in alarm, "You talkin' about Qrow?"

"Ah, yes, perhaps you've heard of this class?" Ozpin said with a fond smile, sipping at his coffee and indulging in a few pleasant memories, "Youngest intern professor Beacon has ever seen. He and his semblance did an excellent job whipping those children into shape."

"Ah crumbs, we're gonna die." Miss Rose mumbled.

"Hardly." Ozpin chuckled into his mug, "That's what I brought your esteemed Grimm Studies professor here for. While we get our little training camp going, he'll be bravely keeping the various beasts of the Emerald Forest occupied."

"Er, indeed!" The Stache coughed, puffing his chest out proudly, "Fear not, students, you won't get so much as a drop of Grimm blood on you while Peter Port is on the job!"

"Indeed, you won't," Ozpin chortled, "Because the good professor will be holding the line on the other side of the Forest."

"Wait, wha—" The Stache never got the chance to finish his words, as Ozpin activated the launch pad under his feet and set the man barreling off towards his mission with a satisfied nod.

"Headmaster," Miss Necros said, tracking her professor's arc with concerned emerald eyes, "I don't mean to argue, but wouldn't it be wiser to keep Professor Port on hand?"

"I can't have my students distracted by every Grimm that seeks to challenge the man." Ozpin said with a smile and a wave, "Never fear, your professor is more than up to the challenge."

"Doesn't he keep his weapon hanging up in his classroom?" Miss Bell chimed in with a single upraised eyebrow.

Ozpin waved off their concern, touching as it was, "I already thought to provide him with everything he needs to make a real mess of the place."

The assembled students glanced at each other, but when they didn't raise any further objections Ozpin took it to mean that they were ready to move on. "Now then, welcome to this interim session of NBC, I will be your supervisor for this lesson on the hard knocks of life. Speaking of which, Mr. Lark, duck." He snapped his cane out as he spoke, smacking the oblivious blond boy upside the head in a flash of aura and swatting him and his heavy pack to the ground with a pained yelp. Curiously, another boy in Raven 2.0's charity section reacted to the words and had covered his head. Strange.

"What the—! Why me?!" His errant harem protagonist whined, sitting up and rubbing at his head with a heavy pout, studiously ignoring the snickering emanating from the reject group.

"Rule 20 of NBC: You're always in danger, even in practice." Ozpin intoned gravely.

"We're at Beacon!" The boy complained bitterly, then hurriedly added: "And I'm not 'Mr. Lark'!"

"'Rule 16: There is no safety, only temporary cover.'" Miss Rose said with a faraway look. Miss Zow-Long nodded gravely, shivering slightly.

Ozpin nodded to both girls with a proud smile. "It's as they say, Mr. Hark, to be a Huntsman is to always live on a knife's edge. You very well may find yourself on the verge of a crisis at any moment. Why, even this school could be attacked by terrorists, or bombed, or overwhelmed by Grimm, or embroiled in a culinary battle to the death!" Ozpin paused when he saw the boy go pale and coughed delicately, "Er, not that I honestly believe any of those events could come to pass. I'm simply giving an example. You're currently at the prime of your youth and shouldn't be expected to face such things."

"Oh. Uh, good." The boy said, looking relieved.

"Well, not for at least three volumes." Ozpin added as an afterthought.

"Wait, what!?"

"Anyway, I believe it's well past time that we got this show on the road!" Ozpin said cheerily, "Your first task will make good use of Beacon's natural features." He tipped his mug in the direction of the cliffside, where a large pile of ropes, hammers, and climbing spikes lay scattered. "Over the course of your time as Huntsmen and Huntresses, you will often find yourself responding to civilian calls for aid. As fast as you are, it's probable that you may not always make it in time to prevent all manner of injury, and you may be called upon to treat the wounded and facilitate moving them to safety across all manner of terrains. For this exercise, each team will select one member to play the role of patient you are evacuating from a danger-zone. You will be expected to safely escort them to the bottom of the cliffs with what supplies you have on hand. Remember that civilians you may be asked to protect will likely not possess aura and may be in critical condition to boot. Time may not be on your side." Seeing his little group of hatchlings turn to stare at the provided supplies, Ozpin hid a smile in his mug. Ah, he'd nearly forgotten the joy of teaching, locked away in his office as he had been by the blond-haired green-eyed dragon that guarded his little tower. He was grateful for 2.0's help, of course, but the woman truly seemed determined to keep him away from her classes.

Undoubtedly, his deputy loathed the thought that she might embarrass herself in some way. She was such a sensitive girl, hopefully this chance for a break would do her some good.

Perhaps he ought to show the same appreciation to the other members of their little Beacon family? Who else deserved a break?

Miles away, Peter Port dragged himself out a small crater with an irritable curse, straightening up and surveying his surroundings with a keen eye even as he casually straightened his mustache. His eyes widened as he spotted a rocket locker, and he quickly jogged over to check the contents.

"Well, Port old boy, you've jolly well done it now." He said with a groan, gently banging his head on the door.

Inside was his right slipper and a note from the headmaster: Go get them, tiger.

/*/

Yang cast her eyes across her fellow prisoners, "So…" She said slowly, "How we gonna decide who gets carried? Rock paper scissors?"

"Heh, just choose the guy who's deadweight already, ain't that right, Arc?" Cardin Winchester said with a nasty laugh, "Hey, it'd be an easy two step solution, too, just stand on the edge and take two steps."

The other chucklefucks in his petty little crew of chimps hooted and hollered like the brainless apes they were, offering the big moron a high-five. Jaune just laughed awkwardly and scratched at the back of his head.

"H-heh, yeah. Uh, good one, Cardin." He said with a strained smile, "But I think we're good. I was thinking of choosing Ren, anyway."

"Yeah, 'cause a real leader thinks about the mission rather than just talkin' shit." Yang commented idly, blowing on her fist with a smile and cutting her eyes towards CRDL. Cardin bristled at her words, but wisely didn't attempt to direct any machismo in her direction. Smart, she'd love the chance to see how far she could make the idiot fly, and the cliffs they stood beside would really help boost her score.

"Whatever." Cardin snarled, stomping forward and shoving past Jaune to grab an armful of random supplies before heading back over to his team. "Dove," He very clearly chose at random, "You're up. Let's get this over with, I wanna spend as little time with these losers as possible." Yang snorted loudly at the boy's words and was rewarded by the way the insecure little manlet's shoulders bunched up as he growled random orders at his crew.

"Can we just get this over with?" Jaune asked tightly, eyes firmly on the ropes and fastening he was sorting through.

Yang shrugged, "Sure thing, champ, but how long are you gonna keep letting that guy pick on you? It's only been a few weeks since Beacon started, and he's just been getting worse."

"We can help you, Jaune…" Ruby said quietly, sidling up to her fellow team leader and looking up at him with glistening eyes.

"Guys." Jaune laughed, even if it came out rather hollow, "It's fine, really. Can we not be talking about this right now?"

"I don't know…" Nora said, holding her fingers out like she was framing and image and humming as she considered team CRDL, "Pretty sure we could get away with 'accidentlying' them off the cliffs right now if we did it right."

"Nora!" Jaune squawked, "We can't do that!"

"He's right." Pyrrha said, thoughtfully, "We'd likely be caught on camera…"

"Murder fantasies aside, I believe we've got an assignment to complete?" Weiss said dryly.

"Good point, thanks for volunteering to play victim." Yang said with a sharp grin.

"Wait, I didn't—"

"C'moooon, Weiss-cream." Yang cajoled the smaller girl, throwing an arm around the prickly heiress and preventing the girl from throwing her off with the casual ease of an older sibling, "You're the sm—lightest person here!"

"You were about to say something about my height, weren't you, Xio-Long." Weiss said growled, glaring up at Yang with a caustic glare.

"Hey, don't get short with me." Yang mock-scolded her, grinning as the white-haired girl spat angrily before she finally allowed Weiss to throw her arm off. Weiss stomped over to the pile of supplies, hissing something under her breath that probably would have made her fancy-pants dad faint. It was a good sight to see, she'd been worried the heiress would be way snootier. Weiss-cream was pretty alright though, kinda like poking a dust cannister with a stick to see what kind of crazy colors would come out.

"Mostly climbing gear." Blake reported, thankfully on the other side of the pile from the metal spikes they were probably supposed to put into the rock. Yang's dark-haired partner hadn't done anything else ever since the… incident, but she still got a little nervous every time she saw the girl near any sharp objects.

"I-I don't know that much about this kind of thing." Ruby admitted, biting her lip in a way that made Yang squee just a little bit on the inside. Her sister was just too cute sometimes. "Patch doesn't really have a big rock-climbing scene."

"I've been camping a bunch of times?" Jaune offered hesitantly, cupping his chin thoughtfully as he looked over their equipment, "So I know a few knots we could probably use… Ren, Nora? You guys too, right?"

"To an extent, yes." Ren answered slowly, "However, we can't claim to have done much—or any—rappeling."

"I always just jumped." Nora said, shrugging carelessly and making her partner grimace.

"Well. Crud." Jaune said with a frown, "It's better than nothing though, right? It might take some time, but I'm pretty sure between the eight of us we can come up with—"

"You guys almost ready?" Blake interrupted, "I need someone to help me test the rope with my harness."

Seven sets of eyes swiveled to stare at the amber-eyed member of team RWBY in utter bafflement. Blake had secured a length of rope around her waist and thighs in a sling, leaving a single upraised portion at her navel to attach a clip to. Another rope crisscrossed across her back and shoulders, apparently offering another point to attach the rope for support or control.

"Whu—Blake?" Yang stammered, scrambling to pick her jaw off the floor and regarding her teammate with newfound interest, "What the heck?!"

"Wh-what?" Blake said, bristling defensively even as her eyes betrayed her sudden nervousness as they flitted between their teams, "They were talking about camping and stuff, is it so weird that I might have gone climbing a lot?"

"Well, no…" Yang admitted, eyeing Blake, "I just didn't know you were an expert or something."

"I'm not." Blake said absently, pulling together another set of ropes, "We had to know how to do this kind of thing, and I was far from the best at it."

"Wow." Ruby said, her eyes sparkling as she stared at Blake's hands at work, "That's so cool, Blake! You must have climbed on all sorts of stuff."

Blakes lips quirked into a tiny smile, "Yeah," She said, her voice sounding oddly wistful, "It was fun, at least for a little while. We went down rocks, out of bullheads, onto ship—ping crates. We climbed on these old crates that were only being used for practice. And nothing else."

"My, how suspiciously specific." Headmaster Ozpin observed from right behind her.

"Mraw!" Blake shrieked, shooting nearly a foot in the air and swiping at the man with a panicked backhand. Ozpin simply leaned back and let the blow whiff by him with a pleasant expression.

"Oh, it's fine." Nora chirped, rolling her eyes, "We've all climbed on things that were totally illegal to climb on before."

"I haven't." Pyrrha stated, raising one hand awkwardly.

"Oh." Nora said softly, giving the Champion a sympathetic look, "Don't worry, Pyrrha, we'll getchu a chance soon."

As entertaining as it was to watch the crimson-haired champion offer stuttering denials, Yang couldn't help but turn a concerned eye towards where her partner had gone chalk-white. "Hey, no big deal if it wasn't all totally on the level." She said, going for reassuring but not completely able to keep an undercurrent of curiosity out of her voice, "I mean, my uncle Qrow was a bandit and stuff, and he turned out just fine."

"It wasn't illegal!" Blake hissed desperately, shooting terrified glances at the headmaster.

Oh, right. Authority. "Oh! Oh, uh, yeah. Of course!" Yang coughed, flushing slightly as she tried to make up for the flub.

"Of course, of course. Wink." Ozpin said with a smile and a (somewhat redundant?) wink, before swaggering off to check on team CRDL.

Yang waited until he was far out of earshot before leaning down to mutter to her partner: "No seriously, did you spend time in jail or something? Is that what the whole shiv thing is about?" Blake stiffened and shot her a furious glare that Yang bore with a shrug, Weiss nodding emphatically behind her.

Seeing that she was unaffected, or perhaps just finally accepting that Yang would pester her until she said something, Blake let out a low growl as she pulled a knot tight with a little more force than was strictly needed. "Can we not talk about this right now?" The black-haired girl hissed, her eyes still following their errant headmaster as he bent over to examine a knot tied by team CRDL with a dubious expression, "If you really need something to do, I could use help checking these supplies."

"Psh. Nice try, Ribbons, like the headmaster would give us faulty—" Yang's words died an ugly death on her tongue as the line and climbing clip she'd picked up and tugged on tore apart in her hands, a metal filling bouncing off Jaune's head with a muted ping and a pained cry. Yang gaped at the twisted piece of metal in her hands with open shock, some far removed part of her mind noting distantly that the break was a little too clean to be anything other than intentional.

"Yeah." Blake said grimly, "Something my instructor told me: Trust your gear, but always check it twice."

"Rule 15," Ruby echoed ominously, "Even your resources can and will kill you."

"Dammit, Uncle Qrow…" Yang cursed quietly, giving the pile of gear an irritated look.

"We'll just have to work with what we've been given." Ren said with a sigh, stepping over and grabbing a few pieces of equipment to look over with a critical eye, "Really, we should just be grateful that we thought to test these now rather than—"

"DOVE!" Sky screamed over the sound of a line snapping.

"REMEMBER MEEEEE!" Dove's voice cried out over his teammates' bellows of horror.

"Yeah, before that happened." Nora finished her teammate's thought, peering over the edge curiously.

"An interesting approach." Ozpin observed from beside her, taking a casual sip and humming a little to himself before turning to the rest of team CRDL with a mild expression, "I certainly hope you have a… gentler, approach in mind for transporting your 'civilian'."

"Yeah." Blake said shortly, finishing up preparations and holding out one end of a rope, "One of you hold the other end for me, I'd better go clear the area and make sure he's not dead."

"Oh, I got this!" Jaune said brightly, stepping up with a goofy smile and accepting the rope with an eager glance in Weiss' direction, "I've been working out recently!"

Blake stopped dead and turned to give the blond a withering look, "Just so we're clear, if you drop me, I'll climb back up and throw you off myself."

"Haha…" Jaune laughed weakly, shrinking in on himself, "On second thought, Nora, why don't you do it?"

"No worries, Tiger, I'll give you a hand," Yang said cheekily, interjecting before Jaune could completely lose his nerve and grabbing a portion of the rope a little higher up, "Blake's my partner, after all."

That she was a little concerned the quiet girl might actually carry through with the threat went unspoken. Besides, Jaune had been pretty understanding after the whole bar incident, she could toss him a bone on this one, even if Weiss had immediately gotten busy sorting through more of the equipment and was paying less than no attention.

One day, Jaune, one day (lol).

Blake wasted little time rappelling down the cliff, one hand at the small of her back carefully controlling her descent even as she kept her weapon out in her other, carefully scanning the trees around her until she touched the ground. Yang watched from above with Jaune as Blake disconnected from the line and flashed them a series of hand gestures. "WHAT?" Jaune bellowed down at her, both hands cupped around his mouth to make his voice reach. Blake leapt nearly a foot in the air, then spun around to face them with an irritated expression. Yang couldn't be sure at that distance, but it almost looked like her partner's bow had flattened to her skull from the sheer force of her displeasure. "WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Jaune shouted down at Blake, ignoring the girl's frantic handwaving. Yang grinned as Blake threw her hands up into the air and stalked off through the trees. "I don't get it," Jaune said worriedly, "Was she saying we're supposed to go down to her?"

"I think she's just angsting." Yang chortled, "C'mon, she'll probably just call my scroll when she finds Dove, we should check up on the ropes like she asked or she'll be really upset."

"We should probably tell team CRDL that she's down there." Ren observed quietly, "I wouldn't want them to try anything—"

"I'M COMING, DOVE!" Russel screamed, throwing himself off the cliff holding onto a length of rope that immediately snapped.

"—Desperate."

/*/

Ozpin watched his cute little protegees with a barely concealed smile and an itchy dear pelt around his nethers. Oh, how he'd missed the joys of teaching. Glynda's little pity project notwithstanding, he was quite pleased with the efforts of his students. He watched with a bemused smile as the combined members of teams JNPR and RWBY carefully secured Miss Ren and the young Schnee heiress into a make-shift litter and delicately lowered them to the forest floor below towards the watchful eyes of Miss Bell. He supposed he could give the members of team CRDL leaning heavily against some nearby trees a pass for at least attempting to help the amber-eyed girl keep a lookout, even if they still looked rather worse for wear.

Ah, how wonderful to see his students stretching towards their maximum potential. Still, it wouldn't do at all for things to go too smoothly. "Really, I do think I spoil them far too much." He mused to himself with a small chuckle as he rapped his cane repeatedly against one of the many cages he'd arranged behind his precious students. The cage vibrated angrily as the beast inside threw itself against the walls of its prison with mindless rage. Still, his students remained dreadfully oblivious to the looming threat. Really, he'd have to teach them not to let themselves grow complacent so easily. "I say, 2.0 must have been far too gentle with them, Qrow and Raven were never so trusting." He observed with a sad shake of his head, "I'll have to have a talk the staff about this later." Truly, it was a good thing he'd thought to take the students out when he had! He shuddered to think of how their naiveté could have hurt them in the future.

After all: the scenario he'd given them had involved evacuating civilians from a danger-zone, why would they expect to be entirely safe while doing so?

"Hmhmhm, it's good to see that I haven't lost my touch." Ozpin chuckled to himself as he deftly snapped the locks on the cages with a quick sweep of his cane.

He'd have to ask miss Goodswitch to return his '#1 Teacher' mug.

/*/

The first warning the assembled students had that something was amiss was the loud crack of no less than two Boarbatusks colliding with Jaune Arc's back at thirty miles an hour. "WHYYYYY?!" He shrieked loudly as the two Grimm sent him spiraling off the cliff.

"JAUNE!" Pyrrha screamed, throwing herself forward and tearing Miló from its sheath in a panicked rasp of metal on leather. Years of practice had her already planning out her shot even as she thumbed the control that transformed her weapon into its javelin form. Distantly, she heard the telltale crunch of Nora's hammer turning some unfortunate Grimm into paste, but she quickly banished it from her perception, trusting her teammates to have her back as she lined up her throw with her outstretched thumb.

Miló barked loudly as she sent it spearing towards Jaune, even as a part of her mind—somewhat hysterically—noted that the whole situation felt rather depressingly similar to initiation. Her heart sat in her throat as she watched Jaune disappear into the trees even as her weapon punched through the canopy. She heard the crunch of her weapon spearing into the trunk of one of the great trees of the Emerald Forest and, just for a moment, felt a rush of dread when no other sound accompanied it.

Then: "Thank you!" Jaune shouted breathlessly from somewhere far below. Pyrrha let out her breath in a rush of air, slumping visibly with relief.

"Oh thank Dust." She muttered before finally turning to assess the situation behind her.

"What are these doing here?!" Cardin sputtered a ways away as he took a vicious swing at a Boarbatusk that missed its mark, the agile Grimm spinning out of the way of the blow before slamming into the boy's armor with a crunch. Cardin staggered back and might have been forced off the cliff if not for his one remaining teammate lunging forward with a shout to swipe his halberd at the creature.

It was a good question, in all honesty, considering that they were still on Beacon property. Still, it was one that would have to wait, Pyrrha reflected grimly as she hefted her shield with a grimace. She was somewhat limited in what she could do with only her shield available, but she was unwilling to step back and leave the fighting entirely to the others. Fortunately, Nora was evidently of the same mind, having closed ranks immediately after the initial attack to guard her back. The bubbly girl made room for her when she stepped up beside her, but she didn't miss the worried look Nora shot her as she took the left flank. Pyrrha gave her teammate a miniscule shrug even as Nora shifted to better cover her undefended right side, she wouldn't stand by idly while they risked themselves.

There must have been more than a dozen Boarbatusks released on them, Pyrrha realized with a sinking feeling as she looked over the battlefield. She hated to say it, but they'd probably been extremely lucky that the first two had chosen to target the same person, lest more of them be sent tumbling off the cliff. As it was, Yang and Ruby were struggling to keep the litter steady after one of the line holders had been so unceremoniously removed from the line of duty.

"I'm going to need to reload." Nora stated flatly, eyeing the remaining Boarbatusks with irritation. Several craters and a few smoking corpses spoke to the truth of that statement and Pyrrha grimaced, knowing that Nora must have had to use every grenade in her cannister to keep the Grimm at bay by herself while the three others on the cliff struggled to prevent their helpless teammates from slamming into the unforgiving ground below.

"We've got this!" Yang shouted from behind them, thankfully not sounding too strained, "If you can buy us a minute or two, we can get them down!"

Easier said than done, Pyrrha reflected grimly. Boarbatusks were fast and agile, and as their first lesson in Port's classroom had shown them, the best strategy was to avoid their initial charge and strike when they slowed down to change direction. That wasn't an option here. To dodge would leave Yang and Ruby's unprotected backs exposed. As it was, they were already outnumbered, as more than a half-dozen of the Grimm were still standing, even if a good half of that number seemed to be focusing on the remaining members of team CRDL. Pyrrha grit her teeth as two of the Grimm revved up and launched themselves forward, their spines and tusks kicking up turf as they came. She and Nora stepped up as one, but it was Pyrrha who threw herself forward to meet their charge head-on. A part of her mind screamed at her that it was a mistake, that she was leaving her flanks exposed and a smart opponent wouldn't hesitate to come at her from both sides. She was fortunate that the Grimm didn't bother with strategy. The sound of the Boarbatusk's spines and tusks grinding against her shield was indescribable, and the combined force of their charge forced her back several feet, her feet digging furrows in the soil as she strained both her muscles and her semblance to keep her shield steady.

It was enough. The Boarbatusks didn't grind to a halt so much as slow, but she'd bought enough time for Nora to make her move. Magnhild cut a silver arc through the air out of the corner of her vision as Nora stepped around her and swung it once to gain momentum before slamming it side-on into one of the Boarbatusks with a mighty crunch. "SMASH!" Nora howled, her hammer crushing spines and armored plating alike as she slammed the Grimm aside like a golf ball, one of the beasts letting out a wet gurgle as its fellow's spines stabbed into it from the side.

They didn't have time to celebrate their success, both pivoting to engage as two more Grimm spun at them from different directions. This time, Pyrrha went low, letting her Grimm slam into her shield at an angle and pushing upwards to 'help' it along its way. The Boarbatusk let out a furious squeal as it ramped off the burnished metal and sailed over the side of the cliff, and she quickly spun to lend Nora a hand. She needn't have bothered. Nora must have been forced to block the Grimm's first pass with the handle of her hammer, allowing the Grimm to slide past her, but she was ready for its second. The Grimm rushed forward even as Magnhild rose, only to let out a squeak lost in the sound of cracking bone as the massive hammer put it in the crater that would mark its grave.

So far so good. Pyrrha risked a glance behind her to find Ruby and Yang hurriedly playing out the rope, with any luck they'd have backup soon enough.

She really ought to have known better than to hope.

"GAH!" Sky shouted as one of the Boarbatusks slammed into him, knocking his weapon from his grip and over the edge. He might have taken another hit from a second Grimm had Cardin not reached down and scooped him up, dragging him over one armored shoulder with a desperate bellow and sprinting away from the Grimm.

And towards them.

Pyrrha's eyes widened as the armored teen threw a panicked look over his shoulder at the Grimm in hot pursuit and promptly tripped over a divot in the dirt.

Cardin stumbled one step, then two, his weight tilting precariously towards the edge before his eyes locked on to the rope their teams were currently using to lower their 'wounded'.

Pyrrha groaned.

Sky Lark screamed.

"MOTHER FU—" Yang screeched, cutting herself off with a wordless snarl as she fought against the sudden addition of two and a half extra people, Cardin's ridiculous armor included. Nora dove forward and managed to snag the back half of the line, letting out a surprisingly masculine grunt as she threw her back into it.

Leaving Pyrrha alone and weaponless against the charging Grimm. Great.

"Nice thoughts about your classmates, it's not like you've really gotten to know them yet, so nice thoughts." Pyrrha grumbled to herself as she shifted into a defensive stance.

"Why are they so fat?!" Ruby gasped, her little face turning bright red with effort as she fought to keep her feet from sliding.

"Hey, I resent that!" Sky shrieked.

"SHUT UP!" Several voices screamed at once, overlapping in rage and intensity.

Pyrrha tuned them out as she focused on the oncoming horde of Grimm.

/*/

Autumn 'Ruby' Bloodrose let out a furious (if squeaky) snarl as she pulled with all her might. Cookies and crumbs, if only she wasn't so light, this would be so much easier!

The clash of metal on bone rang out behind her, they were running out of time! Pyrrha was good, but she was only one girl playing decoy. Sooner or later, one of the Grimm would slip by her and bowl them all over the cliff!

"Dammit, Weiss, why did you pick now of all times to play little miss perfect student!" Yang hissed through her teeth from behind her, "We could'a just dropped you if you hadn't insisted on being tied down so securely!" Ruby's older sister's eyes flashed red for a moment as someone on team CRDL did something that had the line swinging dangerously, "HOLD STILL, DAMN YOU!"

…Wait…

Ruby released the line—and was only a little put out by the fact that Yang and Nora didn't seem too bothered by it— "Yang!" She shouted, drawing her sister's attention even as she flipped her baby off her back and deployed it in its rifle form.

Yang's eyes widened, then hardened with understanding, "Do it." She hissed.

"Wait, what are you—"

Crescent Rose cut Nora's question off with a piercing interjection, its high-caliber wordplay cracking against Yang's aura in a shower of sparks and light. Ruby didn't wait to see the lightshow, however, quickly chambering and firing two more rounds directly center mass. "GAH!" Yang yelped, "RUBY! NOT THE TIT!"

"I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRY!" Ruby wailed, firing another round into Yang's thigh that elicited a pained bellow and had the blond girl's eyes practically glowing red.

More importantly, it had her hair glowing.

Nora yelped and fell backwards as Yang stopped the line's descent with a furious roar, her strength bolstered several times over by her semblance and her hair awash with golden flames. "GET SOME!" Yang screamed, letting go with her right hand—her left stillsomehow holding the line steady—and deploying Ember Celica to fire furiously at the Grimm that were circling Pyrrha.

"She's got this, Nora!" Ruby panted, adding her own precision fire to the mix, and landing a solid shot that blinded one of the Grimm, "We need to help!"

/*/

All in all, Ozpin felt that the exercise had gone quite well. To be fair, he hadn't expected much from his deputy's little pity project anyway, but even he could be open to changing his mind should the need arise. At the very least, he could appreciate their moxie, even if his other wayward students seemed… less appreciative.

"You utter dolts, what were you thinking?!" The young Shnee girl shrieked at team CRDL, "You could have sent us all tumbling over the edge, right on top of each other to boot!"

"I was thinking that I needed to get my teammate down in one piece, which I did!" The big one shouted back, said teammate kissing the ground and sobbing rather hysterically.

"Now now, children. There's no need to work yourselves into a tizzy, as they say."

"Seriously? Didn't you sicc Grimm on us?" Mr. Aark said, still picking leaves and twigs out of his hair, something Ozpin couldn't help but notice young Miss Nymphos was all too happy to help him with.

Ozpin opened his mouth, but was—shockingly—beaten to the punch by Miss Cow-Dong: "Rule whatever,"— 'Twenty' Miss Rose helpfully put in—"You're always in danger, especially during practice."

"Wait, seriously?" The boy stammered, looking around at his teammates with a shocked expression.

"You did enter an academy to become a Huntsman, Mr. Dark." Ozpin said with a chuckle, "If anything, the fact that such a situation surprised you should come as a wake-up call."

"No kidding." Raven's daughter growled in a tone that sounded so similar to her mother's it had Ozpin smiling wistfully into his mug, "I can't believe we had trouble with those chumps. Should'a set a guard or somethin'. We won't fall for that again."

"What?! Nuh-uh, come on! I could have died!" Mr. Bark continued to whine as his classmates shrugged an echoed the girl's sentiment.

"Any failure is a success if you survive it." Miss Rose cheered, flashing over to pound the boy on the back with an enthusiastic smile, "Way to rule 21, Jaune!"

"But-but-but—"

"Mr. Mark, I believe you're forgetting the zeroeth rule of NBC." Ozpin said genially, stepping over and laying a comforting arm across the boy's shoulder

"Wait, zeroeth? Wha—"

"Don't be a bitch, my dear boy." Ozpin said with a chuckle, booping the child on the nose with a roguish smile.

The boy's shoulders slumped, no doubt taking Ozpin's wizardly wisdom to heart and reflecting on the errors of his ways, "Ugh, fine, sure. Rule zero. Got it."

Ozpin offered the poor boy a sympathetic smile and a pat on the head before turning to address his students. "Now then, while it was perhaps a tad less polished than I would have preferred, you did manage to successfully complete your task and evacuate your squishy civilians to relative safety. And while it's a shame that I won't get to teach you about the genuine horrors of legal repercussions and rigged juries, I'm sure Miss Goodwatch will have a lesson for you on the matter in the future." Ozpin paused there to give his students a soft smile, understanding that they must be no doubt crushed to lose the opportunity to hear his insight—he'd have to call Qrow in one of the days to give his patented lesson on "Unlawful imprisonment and you' one of these days—but nonetheless knowing that there simply wasn't enough time for him to teach them everything.

"Now then, on to the next lesson. Mr. Lark, step forward please."

"Yeah?" The gray-haired boy said, stepping forward for some bizarre reason.

"Yeah—WAIT NO!" Mr. Lark echoed him, his head rocketing around to stare at the other boy in horror, "My name is ArAARGH"

Ozpin sipped his coffee, amused, as the blond-haired heartthrob of team JNPR was whipped off the ground by an—if he did say so himself—expertly placed snare trap. "Mr. Argh, then, have it your way, hmhmhm."

"Jaune!" Miss Necros yelled, alarmed, as the poor boy was drawn up into yet another snare that snapped closed on him mid-air and dragged him up into the trees and out of sight.

"Traps and snares may be considered an unnecessary addition to a Hunter's arsenal; however, you'd be surprised at the number of applications such knowledge can be put towards. Why, I myself have found it quite useful for preventing unruly students from escaping detention on occasion!"

"Uh, right." One of Glanda's pity cases said nervously, his eyes flickering across the forest floor with obvious paranoia. Goodness, they were just little rope traps, Ozpin felt like the poor boy was overreacting. "There aren't any more of those, are there?"

"Hm?" Ozpin hummed, half paying attention to the boy's words as he carefully covered his mug to avoid any falling leaves ruining his brew, "Oh no, dear boy, that was the only double-snare I placed."

"Oh, good." The oblivious child said, taking one step forward and triggering a rope carefully camouflaged in leaf litter and dirt. True to Ozpin's word, the rope was not hooked up to another snare trap, but he felt that the boy was likely too distracted by the several hundred pounds of carefully sculpted log that blasted him off his feet in flash of aura and sent him pinwheeling away into the trees to appreciate the clever wordplay. A pity, that. He'd seen the child's grades, and personally felt that he could benefit from the words of a learned instructor such as himself.

"Oh, this is ridiculous." Miss Whee hissed, whipping out her rapier and pulling a handle to set the dust cannister whirling, "Everyone jump up when I give the signal… NOW!"

The young dust Heiress plunged her rapier downward even as the first syllable left her lips, activating her dust and semblance in tandem to create a wave of ice that covered the ground. More than a few of her comrades let out squawks of surprise, slipping on the ice as they landed, but she bore their indignant glares with a haughty sniff. "There," She said, taking a careful step forward onto the slick surface, "Now we won't have to worry about any more of those ridiculous traps."

"Very well thought out, even if it is a bit of a waste." Ozpin praised her, knowing that it was best to encourage students even if they made small errors in judgement, "However, beware becoming complacent. A clever opponent always has—" He took a long sip of coffee as the young heiress carefully skated across her improvised ice rink, stumbling as her weapon caught on the razor-thin wire he'd suspended between two saplings like a strand of spider web.

The heavy net that fell upon them only further reinforced the rather apt metaphor.

"—Backups." He chuckled softly to himself as his errant students struggled on the frozen ground—Miss Snee's clever idea now working against them as they sought to gain the leverage needed to lift the net off themselves. Ah, it was good to be back, it brought to mind a lesson Qrow had paraphrased from him: "Rule 18: You never know enough about what's going on."

/*/

All in all, Ozpin felt confident that the lesson was going along quite swimmingly, even if he hadn't quite managed to convince the little Ark boy to leave his camping bags unattended long enough to enact some karma. On the one hand, he was proud of the paranoid diligence the boy showed, but on the other he needed more than a few seconds to snip those pesky little poles and the few opportunities he'd been presented with over the last few hours of hiking and learning hadn't allowed him to entirely disable the boy's gear.

Not that he was taking it personally, of course, such would be beneath him. He'd just have to get a little more… creative, in imparting the integral lesson of what to do when even the most due diligence failed you in the field.

The blond boy shivered from where he'd been studiously working on a snare with the help of little miss Rose, but Ozpin had long since breezed away by the time he turned to look over his shoulder and shuffle his camping gear a little closer. A pity, that, what could possibly be spooking the boy so?

"This makes me look pretty fierce, yeah?" One of Glynda's rejects asked his fellows, tilting a scroll back and forth as he took in his face with a contemplative look. Ozpin let a little smile play out across his face, amused despite himself. He'd had to step in often to help the boys with their knots, but even he'd been impressed with how quickly they'd taken to his impromptu 'Wilderness Camouflage and Morale Paint' seminar. They'd even gone so far as to cover one of their own in moss, lichen, and a spattering of mud just the right color to let him blend in with a nearby tree to teach Mr. Arch a lesson about letting his guard down. Ozpin was certain the young man had found the experience to be quite illuminating. The piercing, bell like sound he'd let out as he'd collapsed with hands between his legs had signaled quite convincingly that he'd not soon forget to check his surroundings more studiously.

Plus, Ozpin been able to successfully snap one of the cross braces in the boy's pack under the guise of helping him up. Quite helpful indeed.

Now if only his other students would be as cooperative…

"Ugh, of course you four would enjoy playing around in the mud." Miss Shee bit out with a sneer.

Ozpin shook his head sadly as another one of the boys fired back at the girl angrily, stepping forward to lay a comforting hand on his drooping friend. The old wizard shook his head, more amused than anything else, but still rose to stop the impending violence as Little Raven thrust her way into the conversation with a bloodthirsty grin. "Now, now," He said gently, "Young Hunters such as yourselves should know better than to draw the Grimm to yourselves with petty disagreements. The creatures of Grimm are relentless in their pursuit of mankind. This far from civilization? Any negativity will draw them in like—well—a beacon." He chuckled, smiling a little over his ever-faithful coffee mug at his little joke. Blonde Raven frowned, but backed down, and even the white-haired Smee grimaced.

Ozpin smiled, pleased with their reactions, "Remember rules 26 and 24. 'When you're hunting, be expecting something to be hunting you in return', and 'All time is time awaiting an ambush'. Don't make the Grimm's job easier by allowing yourself to fall into petty squabbles, lest your own negativity lead the enemy directly to you. Speaking of, Mr. Argh, come with me to gather firewood."

"I—wait what?"

"Come with me to grab firewood." Ozpin repeated with a reassuring wizardly smile.

"Uh. Can I bring Pyrrha?" The boy asked nervously, eliciting a chuckle from the older man.

"Don't be ridiculous, Joan my boy. You'll be perfectly safe with me." Ozpin laughed good-naturedly.

"Perhaps I could be of more assistance…?" Young Miss Nico offered hesitantly, giving Ozpin a nervous smile, "Jaune's better at making the traps, anyway, sir."

Ah, but the Blond Bastard was truly living up to his name. To have such a defensive harem already without so much as mislaying a finger, Ozpin applauded the boy. "Never fear, Miss Nachos, I assure you that your team leader will be perfectly safe under my care. His nimble fingers will survive another day, don't you worry."

"Um." The Mistralian champion tried, only to cut off with a grunt when her blond beau plopped the heavy camping bag into her arms.

"Keep an eye on this, would'ja?" He asked, keeping his voice low.

Drat. There went that idea. Oh well, Ozpin reflected, there really was no plan that survived contact with students, and anyone who took offense to inserting 'students' in place of 'the enemy' had never been a teacher.

"Loser. What kind of man is he? Too scared to go anywhere without his giiiiiirlfriend?" Cardin sneered as soon as the headmaster and Jaune were out of sight.

"Are you seriously trying to make fun of him by implying that it's somehow embarrassing to be dating Pyrrha Nikos?" Yang asked, rolling her eyes in contempt as she tightened the last knot on the hammock she'd been stringing. Outside of Blake, who was shockingly good with ropes—something she felt she really ought to be more concerned about, considering the girl's reading tastes—Yang was proud to say that her and Ruby were the best at their current task. She'd never thought that Uncle Qrow's training would come in handy, but here they were.

"Shut up, Xio-Long, I just don't want a weak link like him bringing us down. You all have no idea what we went through to get here." Cardin fired back, puffing his chest out in a way she was sure he thought was intimidating. She just saw it as a bigger target, someone had to let all that hot air out and she was more than willing to provide a fist or two to do it.

The blonde crossed her arms under her breasts with the most unimpressed look she could muster. "We fought a deathstalker and a massive nevermore." She said flatly, "It's not like we got a ride in on a bed of roses."

"Oh yeah?" Cardin sneered, hooking a proud thumb towards himself, "Well we fought an elephant! So there!"

"Inspiring." Blake snarked from where she'd been carefully testing her own hammock. Cardin snarled something, taking a step forward only to freeze when he saw the eager look in Yang's eyes. Damn, she'd have to get a better poker face, if they could only bait the dumb sap a little closer, he'd finally trip the snare she'd set up between them an hour ago…

"We should keep it down." Pyrrha interjected distractedly, chewing on her lower lip anxiously as she stared into the trees her leader had disappeared into, "The headmaster had a point about us being the only source of negativity for miles.

"Tch, whatever." Cardin spat irritably, sending them a final glare that Yang met with a sunny smile. Her smile only grew when she saw the shiver run down his spine as he hurried back to his little group of yes-men and kiss-asses. Ah, but it was good to know that he still remembered the one time they'd been paired up for a spar. Miss Goodwitch had wisely figured out the meathead was lightyears away from her level after that, but dust if denting both the boy's armor and his over-inflated ego hadn't been satisfying.

"Do you think he's okay?" Pyrrha said nervously, pitching her voice low enough that it wouldn't reach the ears of their classmates.

"Who, Jaune?" Ruby asked absently, tongue between her teeth as she focused on the final knot of her snare trap, "Sure he will. He's got the headmaster with him, so why wouldn't he?"

"Yeah, don't stress so much, Pyrrha, fearless leader's got this. He'll gather those stick's real good!" Nora chirped, cheerfully sharpening a pile of stakes that she'd steadfastly refused to admit what she planned to do with.

"Right, right." Pyrrha muttered distractedly, and Yang found herself rolling her eyes good-naturedly.

"Chill out P-Money, Vomit Boy's gonna be fine. 'Sides, guys don't like it when you ride their backs, hurts their tiny brains or somethin'." Pyrrha colored slightly (heh, score), but she got back to work, and Yang took that to be a win. Really, the girl acted like he hadn't been training to fight Grimm since before puberty. She could stand to relax a little bit.

Speaking of…

"Ruby, stop playing with that trap and get to work on a hammock!" Weiss huffed, marching over to loom over Yang's baby sister with all four feet of herself. It wasn't very effective.

"It's fine~" Ruby snorted, waving a hand lazily as she tested the tautness of one of her ropes with a satisfied hum.

"It's most certainly not fine, and you'd better not be planning on trying to share mine!"

"Why?" Yang couldn't help but interject with a shit-eating grin, "You afraid she'll leave ya hanging?"

"No, I'm afraid that my hammock won't be able to hold the weight of two. I'm not an expert at this." The heiress sniffed haughtily, "Yet."

"Surprised you got as far as you did." Blake muttered from somewhere in the background, making Weiss bristle defensively. Yang sighed internally, but dutifully opened her mouth to try and defuse some of the—

"Guys, please!" Ruby shot between them with her semblance—making the white-haired girl squawk as a wave of rose petals slapped against her face—with big silver eyes, "It's been a long day, but that's no reason to fight! C'mon, don't make us be the only team that isn't getting along here!"

"Hmph, as if we'd debase ourselves like that." Weiss said, even if she gave Ruby a dirty look as she picked the last of the petals from her hair.

"Right." Blake echoed, not quite acknowledging the other girl's words, but still turning back to her work."

Huh, who let Ruby grow up on her when she wasn't looking? Yang felt a secret little smile play out across her face as her baby sister 'hmphed' proudly to herself, putting her hands on her hips and staring down at her team with a pleased expression.

Ah, they weren't kidding when they said that kids grew up fast. It was almost enough to make Yang a little wistful for the days Ruby would come crawl into her bed after a nightmare. She'd always said that Yang's snoring was bad enough to keep even the scariest monsters away.

Not quite the compliment a big sis was looking for, but she'd take it!

"Nice job, Rubes." Yang said quietly, reaching out to express affection the way her Uncle Qrow had taught her.

"YANG! Wai—NO—Stop noogying me!"

Lie Ren glanced over as the sisters devolved into an impromptu wrestling match—one heavily weighted in the older's favor, in his opinion—and chuckled softly to himself. "Almost makes me glad we never had to deal with older siblings." He said to Nora, watching as the younger girl shrieked when Yang tickled her behind her knees.

"Speak for yourself." Nora sighed, "You never wrestle with me; I'm deprived, Renny."

"Sit still through an hour of meditative Yoga, and I'll consider it." Ren stated flatly, inwardly sweating as Nora made a considering noise in the back of her throat.

"Ugh, no, can't do it." Nora finally said, missing his soft breath of relief entirely as she spun away from him and plopped down amongst the leaves and tree roots. "Hey, Pyrrha? How long d'ya think Ozpin'll have us out here? I get that it's a survival course, but still…"

"What? Oh, um, I'm not sure." Pyrrha said, starting slightly at being addressed so suddenly.

"I have to say, it hasn't been quite so bad." Ren said conversationally, "Granted, I was not on the cliffs with you and the Boarbatusks, but everything else has been quite informative."

Silence greeted his words.

"Well then, I'll have to up the ante a bit, hmm?" Ozpin chuckled from directly behind him.

"Headmaster Ozpin!" Ruby cheered.

"Where's Jaune?" Pyrrha interrupted, her expression worried as she looked around them.

"Mr. Ankh? He's busy collecting your motivation, why?"

"Um, motivation for what?" Yang interjected, looking abruptly nervous.

"RUN!" Jaune screamed, eyes wild as he burst into the clearing in a shower of leaves, "FOR THE LOVE OF DUST, RUN!"

Lie Ren let out a low groan of despair as a veritable wave of darkness swarmed through the trees behind his leader. "WHYYYYY?" Dove screeched, throwing himself bodily over the gunman and forcing Ren to roll out of the way as the rest of team CRDL streaked by. He regained his feet quickly and, determining that the numbers were very much not in his favor, followed the example his fellows had set and took off sprinting.

"Rule 29!" Ozpin called out helpfully.

"Ruby, translation!" Weiss snarled, sending a wave of ice behind her that bought them precious time.

"She took off ages ago!" Blake panted, arms pumping as she kept herself ahead of the Schnee, Ren wondered idly if she'd heard that one joke about outrunning bears.

Two twin shotgun blasts announced the arrival of Yang, who landed in the dirt beside them, swept her eyes across their faces, and then took off with another pair of blasts in search of her sister.

"Feels just like initiation, doesn't it, Renny?" Nora chirped, easily keeping pace with him despite running backwards and firing grenades into the mass of darkness nipping at their heels.

"I—I lost Jaune!" Pyrrha cried, sounding on the edge of hysteria.

Shit. Ren chanced a look over his shoulder, arms pumping wildly as he weighed his chances of surviving doubling back to try and find the last member of their team.

"Jaune-Jaune'll be fine." Nora said, seeing his look at giving him a stern look of her own, "He's not the best fighter, but he's a survivor. We won't be able to help him out if we get caught, though!"

Ren cursed as he redoubled his efforts to escape, "Nora's right," He gasped, breath coming in harsh pants as he pushed faster and faster, "The Grimm haven't slowed, so there's a good chance he avoided them somehow, if we can lose them, we should be able to double back safely."

"Losing them sounds good!" Weiss gasped from behind them, her short legs doing little to keep her ahead of the pack, "I'm not exactly built for sprinting!"

Especially in high heels, Ren thought to himself, even as the girl stepped on a root wrong and slipped with a short shriek.

"Mama Nora's gotcha!" Nora howled, snatching the white-haired girl by the collar of her dress and dragging her over one shoulder with a wordless snarl. Her pink-and-white boots dug furrows in the ground as she put her all into sprinting, easily outpacing Ren with a bellow of exertion.

Oh great, maybe they'd all heard that bear joke. Ren, now the slowest member of their group, groaned in despair as he struggled up his pace even further even as Weiss took advantage of her precarious position to focus her semblance. Shining glyphs appeared before them, and Ren nearly stumbled as their speed increased dramatically. It was nothing compared to Ruby's speed, but it was more than enough to help them start to pull away from the swarm.

"Guys!" Ruby seemed to teleport in front of them in a flash of rose petals, 'eeping' as she saw the encroaching hoard and seeming to have to make a conscious effort to not leave them behind, "This way! Th-there's a jump, if we can make it across maybe they'll—"

"YOU LEFT ME!" Weiss shrieked, flailing her rapier at the little reaper and making Ruby squeak in surprise as the sword nearly took out an eye.

"I'M SORRY I PANICKED!"

"Run now, fight later!" Blake grit out, bow practically flat to her skull from the wind of their passage.

"I see the ravine!" Pyrrha reported, green eyes flinty as she cast a look back at the Grimm.

"That's—hah—a bit a of a jump…" Ren panted, eyeing the formation with trepidation before glancing behind himself and finding his third wind, my but those Alpha Ursa had sharp looking teeth.

"Don't slow down!" Weiss snapped, twisting around and sitting up on Nora's shoulder, making the muscular girl stumble before she found her footing and kept plowing forward. The heiress raised her sword before herself and lifted a hand up to rest against it as if in prayer. Ren and the rest focused in on the black glyph that swirled to life near the edge, slowly turning red as Weiss poured energy into it.

The glyphs they were running on flickered, the strain of holding multiple types of glyphs shining through and cutting their speed periodically, nearly sending Weiss toppling before she snarled and redoubled her efforts. Ren watched a few beads of sweat drip down the back of her neck with a mix of despair and exhausted acceptance, he really needed to accompany Nora on more of her runs in the future.

"Brace!" Pyrrha shouted as they reached the end of the speed glyphs, Ren—noting that he was a little behind the others—threw himself forward.

Just in time.

He'd be lying if he said that the translation of their horizontal momentum into vertical was pleasant, but if he was being honest his muscles were already hurting enough. What was a little more pain?

Now if only he'd put thought into his landing.

They'd been launched at nearly a 45 degree angle, but the opposing side of the ravine was rocky and pitted from rainfall, not an ideal landing location considering his choice of weapons and exhaustion. Ren saw Weiss summon more glyphs with a gasp of effort out of the corner of his eye, bleeding her and Nora's momentum out as they smashed through them and pulling them out of his sight. Pyrrha raised her shield even as Ruby fired her weapon to slow her descent, but Ren could only sigh and pull his aura to the fore in preparation for a rough landing.

Twin shots echoed across the rocks, and a yellow blur shot out of the approaching treeline in a flash of fire and gold. Ren gasped as a muscular arm caught him around the middle, knocking the air out of him even as the girl fired another shot mid-air to spin them around. He heard a second—higher pitched—shot, and Yang reached out to snag the pistol form of Blake's weapon out of the air. The ribbon stretched, their opposing momentums working against each other as Yang let out a grunt of exertion. Yang let go before they could be dragged back by the elastic ribbon, and Ren held on tight as she fired her twin gauntlets down, chipping stone beneath them and slowing their fall down enough to leave the impact teeth-rattling, but not dangerous.

Ren let out a long sigh of relief, glad to have not lost an appreciable amount of aura in hostile territory rolling across the pitted rock. He was about to let go and regain his feet when Yang yanked him up by the scruff of his outfit and proudly crowed: "Take a look guys, I caught a Ren, and that ain't no Lie!"

Nora burst out cackling, something that seemed to catch them all off guard. "What?" She said, "It was funny!"

"Please don't encourage her." Blake practically begged, rotating her arm with a grimace, apparently having pulled something during their stunt.

"Ahem." Ren coughed meaningfully, "I thank you for your help, but I'd appreciate being put down now."

"Yeah, yeah." Yang chuckled, clearly in a good mood from finally having someone laugh at one of her jokes. She set him down and sauntered off to check on her partner.

Ren took the opportunity to scope out the situation on the other side of the gorge and was relieved to see the Grimm shift direction and continue moving down the cliffside to disappear back into the tree line. "Strange." He said, voice still rough from running, "They hardly seemed concerned with losing us at all… It's almost like they weren't chasing us to begin with."

"A lucky break, perhaps." Weiss said, looking spent but satisfied, "It wouldn't be the first today: I've never been able to cast two types of glyphs simultaneously before… perhaps I was too quick to write off this training, the experience has been… elucidating."

"Heh, yeah! Rule 29: Never skip leg day. Team RWBY for the win!" Ruby cheered, appearing behind Weiss with an open palm outstretched.

"Team RWBY, nothing!" The heiress snapped spinning around—and stumbling slightly—to stab a finger between her team leader's eyes, "You ditched us!"

"B-but I came back, right?" Ruby stammered, eyes crossing as she tried to focus on Weiss' finger with a hopeful smile, "Plus I was the one to led us to the gorge, right?"

"Hmph, a true leader sticks with their team!" Weiss harrumphed, turning her nose up at the younger girl and spinning away with a huff.

"Ah, c'mon Weiss, a leader provides! I provided, didn't I? Weiss? Didn't I provide for you, Weiss?"

"Yeah, Weiss, isn't it unfair to compare her to vomit boy? Not like he has a speed semblance, I bet his team had to work not to ditch him." Yang laughed, clapping a friendly hand on the heiress' shoulder and sending her down to one knee while utterly failing to notice the way the entirety of team NPR froze in mute horror, "Where is he, anyway?"

"JAUNE!" Pyrrha screamed out across the gorge, voice high and desperate.

/*/

"Dammit, Yang, at least give a guy a warning before you leave armed snares in the middle of the camp site…" Jaune Arc groaned, clutching his heavy camping back closer to himself as he slowly rotated, suspended by one leg nearly twenty feet in the air.

"Weird that the Grimm didn't even slow down, though… It was almost like they were running from something?"

/*/

"Guys, I—I think we lost them…" Sky Lark panted, leaning over to cough violently and wipe pointlessly at the sweat pouring down his brow.

"Y—yeah, but—hah—where are we?" Dove asked, leaning against a nearby tree like he wished he could fuse with it and stop having to rely on his shaking legs for support.

"Dunno…" Cardin gasped, "I figured we could circle 'round 'em, I—huff—I thought you guys were paying attention."

The four boys jumped violently as a mighty clap echoed throughout the trees like thunder.

"Um." Russel started nervously, but Cardin cut him off with a slash of his hand.

"No, no more running. we're—we're hunters. We're not scared of nobody." He huffed, face red as he pushed off a nearby tree, "'Sides, we already outran the main pack. These're just stragglers. Runts."

"We left our weapons though…" Dove said softly.

"Rule zero!" Cardin tried to snarl, swaying precariously before doubling over to cough. "We're stealth masters now, we got this."

The other members of his team exchanged nervous looks but nodded. As one they crept forward to peer over a steep rise and identify the source of the noise.

Peter Port's slipper had seen better days, but the face of the Alpha Beowolf he was currently trashing wouldn't see any ever again. His next blow fell like lightning, the sound like thunder and the impact sending tremors through the earth as rock splintered. Rising over his fallen foe, he looked over the field of battle, pitted and scarred, for his next foe. His 'stache glowed with golden light, its radiance filling lesser Grimm with a terror that sent them scrambling. He stood over his broken foe and bellowed his victory for the heavens to hear, the ground beneath him creaking from the force of his cry.

A Goliath answered his call, plodding forward to trumpet an ill-thought-out challenge. Port snorted with contempt, tossing his spent weapon to the side. He wouldn't need it for this.

Man and beast met in an explosion of force that blew down nearby trees and sent their tiny spectators scrambling for cover. Port took no notice, mighty thews creaking under the force of the Grimm's assault, his fingers taking a grip of iron on his prey's tusks and sending a spider-web of cracks up the surface.

Port bared his teeth in a bloody grin as his prey's trumpeting grew higher pitched with alarm, if only his students could see him now… He'd be able to bullshit a semester's worth of tales with battles like this!

"Time to show you what 400 pounds of muscle can do, old boy."

Unbeknownst to both parties, team CRDL crawled away. Quietly. Very, very, quietly.

/*/

Ozpin, esteemed headmaster of Beacon and wizard extraordinaire was flummoxed. "Is it a semblance? Extraordinary luck, perhaps?"

It was the only explanation, really, for how his brilliant plan could be foiled at the last moment. As soon as he'd watched the boy pass off that pesky pack to the first member of his harem, he'd known the time was ripe for him to strike. She'd behaved exactly as expected, so distracted by the potential danger to the object of her affection that she'd left it behind and unguarded at the first sign of danger. It had been child's play to prod the Grimm in the correct direction, poetic justice really. Nobody could be blamed if a lone little pack was trampled and battered beyond salvation beneath the tramping paws and claws of the creatures of Grimm.

A perfect plan, utterly untraceable.

And yet the little Ark boy had managed to ruin it at the last.

His friends had been too distracted, too shocked by the sudden arrival of their sworn enemies to keep their eyes on just one head of blond in the crowd, but Ozpin hadn't taken his eyes off the prize from the start, and had been in the perfect position to both drive the Grimm in the correct direction and ensure the destruction of his most hated enemy.

Oh, how that bag vexed him!

He'd been perfectly positioned, then, to watch as the Ark boy tripped over the log his friends had been seated at and stumble directly into the snare little Raven had left unattended.

A marvelous piece of improvisation, he'd thought to himself at the time, silently applauding the boy's creativity in using what was nearby to get himself above the claws and fangs that bore down on him. He hadn't found the time to teach them about rule 19, yet (Improvisation is your lifeline, always practice it), but he'd had the feeling the boy was rather good at it to begin with.

Imagine the old wizard's surprise, then, when the boy—in his flailing attempts to get free mere milliseconds before the line snapped him up and out of sight—had somehow managed to get a single hand caught in the strap of his heavy camping pack, yanking it to safety along with himself as the line went taut.

It was impossible, improbable, ridiculous!

"Well played, harem boy, well played." Ozpin muttered to himself.

"Bwuh?" The boy started, finally ceasing his increasingly desperate calls for help, "G-guys? Is that you?"

Ozpin sighed, but stepped forward into the boy's line of sight, sparing a final glare for the hated camping bag. It didn't know how lucky it was. "Never fear, Mr. Ark, it is only I."

"H-headmaster Ozpin?" Mr. Ark asked nervously, clutching the loathsome bag a little closer to his chest as he slowly spun in a circle, "Are the others with you?"

Ozpin chuckled, "Heaven's no, Mr. Ark. It's just you and me right now."

The young blond bastard stared at him with something oddly resembling mute horror.

…

"HELP!"