Part 2 of the jinxed DADA post. Since the British school year runs from Fall to Spring of the following year.
1959
9th February 1959
Dear Gellie
It would come as a nasty shock for you to hear your cousin Udo got eaten by a dragon that strayed onto the grounds of Hogwarts. What is the world coming to if a chap like Udo cannot sulk about the grounds of a school at night without running into a dangerous beast? And I am not referring to that half-giant groundskeeper they hire either. Udo was such a sweet little boy, and you were so close to him growing up. You would know him better than Dumbledore and his cronies. The nerve of that man accusing poor Udo of sneaking into the girls' dorms at night pinching their bloomers or peeping into the girls' bathrooms. Udo was such a gentleman. He looked out for you when you were both at Drumstrang, did he not?
I am still waiting for his folks to arrange the funeral and memorial so I may attend. Sending a condolence card is so impersonal. It is odd that they have not posted anything in the obituaries yet given their social standing. Do you remember Agna, Udo's little sister who went to Beauxbatons? Udo was really close to his sister when she was growing up. I am sure those times he was caught with his hands down her blouse were an honest misunderstanding. She became a composer. She just wrote a piece of music in memory of her departed brother – Ding Dong, the Creep is Dead. Isn't that sweet of her?
XXXX
Your Aunt Bathilda
9th February 1959
Dear Gellert
It is with my deepest sympathies that I writing to inform you that your cousin Udo has had a most unfortunate encounter with a Hebridean Black. He will be sorely missed. Who am I kidding? The entire faculty cannot wait to see the back of him. Likewise, the student body. Even Minerva got in on the celebratory fireworks. I do hope the poor dragon does not get food-poisoning as a result. We called in Newt from Dorset to check on the beast's health and relocate her back to her natural habitat up north. Guess the jinx strikes again. We only wished it had kicked in sooner.
May I ask that you do not use the DADA post at Hogwarts as a means of disposing your unwanted relations? The post is open yet again for the coming academic year. May I also request that you recommend tutors who can be trusted around minors and provide at least rudimentary instruction in the subject? Vanishing a young witch's robes during a duel does not qualify as proper DADA instruction. Do you have any idea how many Howlers Headmaster Dippert got because of your cousin?
If you did place a hex on him, it did not work. We had to supplement it with several of our own from various school staff and students. Hagrid suggested letting him loose in the Forbidden Forest for the spiders but decided he might upset their bellies. Sprout and Slughorn teamed up to concoct a draught to turn him into a rat but alas it only enabled him to sneak into the girls' bathroom after he escaped from Slughorn's hamster cage. Believe me, I was tempted to give him the heave-ho off the Quidditch stands when it became apparent his volunteering to take pictures with his zoom-lens camera bely intentions other than filling up the Hogwarts Quidditch team albums.
If your Auntie Bathilda applies for the DADA post, rest assured we will turn her down.
Yours sincerely
Albus Dumbledore
P.S. Please find with this letter a bottle of Riesling, a box of Honeydukes' Select Chocs, and that requested picnic hamper from Fortum's. Dippert got to the last of the bubbly in Hogwarts.
Winter 1959
Dear Albus
You really should not have. Fortum's Valentine Picnic Selection, wine, and chocolate truffles. How sweet. One might just think you are courting this old jailbird. Jokes aside, yes, perhaps my ability to cast hexes are constrained by these shackles you have me wear and the absence of a wand. Did Udo suffer? Did he have time to scream as the dragon ripped him to shreds? How long did the screaming last? Believe me, he will not be missed. My regret about the matter is not being there to hear the screaming die out.
Did the students of Hogwarts receive a decent education in the use of hexes over the past months? Did the young ladies manage shielding or repelling charms against that thieving rat? Did the young gentlemen manage any feats of magic in defence of their beloveds' or sisters' honour? I for one will be very disappointed if you or your colleagues in Hogwarts did not give them a few pointers in that area. In Durmstrang, such incidents are settled with a full-on, no-holds duel which normally ends up with interesting stains on the snow. It was shame Udo ran with a pack of rather capable duellists back in the day. I was not yet a proper duellist back then unfortunately, or we would not be having this conversation. Cousin Udo would have made a pretty picture splattered over Drumstrang's walls.
I wish you good luck in filling in the post for the coming year. I am currently at a loss for obnoxious relations I would not mind getting fatally jinxed. Auntie Bathilda is annoying at times, but her gingerbread makes up for that.
Your friend always
Gellert Grindelwald
P.S. If you send me roses or any other flowers, I will stuff the entire bouquet up your ass.
Author's Notes:
Yep, the jinx bites again. Aunt Bathilda really thinks the best of her nephews even if they are little psychopaths or creepy stalker-types.