AN: WARNINGS: Drugs/alcohol, suicidal actions/thoughts, depictions of mental illness
Chapter Fifteen
Night Seven
After his fight with Ainsley Malcolm heads straight home.
He enters his loft and clutches onto the door handle as his legs nearly give way. In the car he felt numb, disassociating from his environment. But entering his loft, alone, he felt everything from the house come back full force.
Anger. Betrayal. Sadness. Disbelief. PAIN.
All feelings he was well acquainted with, but this time they seemed to dig in harsher than ever before.
Ainsley, his little sister, had played him. One of the last people he could be 'real' with and she betrayed his trust. In her eyes it was fair, lie to me and I lie back. She couldn't see the depth of her deception. How much it HURT.
Malcolm lied, yes he admitted that to her. But it was from love, from the need to protect his sister. Ainsley-well… she lied to hurt. To maim. To destroy.
She knew exactly where to hurt him and she did not hold back. And to top it off, Malcolm was going crazy having lied to her, trying not to hurt her. But she seemed fine. She believed herself justified.
It all just HURT.
Malcolm dragged himself upstairs to his study/guest room. His surprise for Edrisa was a new area upstairs where he could actually have guests stay. Furnished with a full sized bed and closet. Malcolm even moved his office supplies towards the far back corner of the room. He had plans for renovations to include a bathroom and to close off the bedroom better, but that was the last thing on his mind now.
Now he angrily searched through the boxes he hid between the desk and his wall. The boxes of alcohol he swore he wouldn't drink again after his near-arrest last year.
He was in a bad place then, and he was in a bad place now. He couldn't talk about what was happening, his feelings, with anyone. So why not drown this sorrow alone with a bottle of his best?
He knew the answer was, because after the last time of near alcohol poisoning we said "never again" but in that moment he didn't care.
So he wrenched a bottle free, popped off the cap and started downing it straight from the bottle.
Numb. He'd rather feel numb than anything right now. He needed to feel nothing, to forget.
He was halfway through the bottle when his head started to spin and he started feeling groggy. Sleep deprivation. Meds. Alcohol.
A perfectly deadly combination.
Malcolm started to laugh into his empty room. The irony of it all. He was so busy trying to save everyone else, he forgot to save himself. And now, he just wanted peace. For it all to just go away.
Edrisa and Dani sat in silence.
It had been 2:00pm when Malcolm left.
6:00pm when Edrisa began to worry.
8:00pm when Dani began to worry.
8:30pm when Dani calls Malcolm after a stream of unanswered messages from both her and Edrisa.
9:00pm when Edrisa asks Dani to leave.
9:30pm when Dani makes it to Malcolm's loft after having JT take her place with Edrisa.
And it takes exactly 3 minutes for Dani to realize that something was majorly wrong.
Malcolm is faintly aware of pain exploding across his face when he jolts awake.
"Oh my god! You gave me a heart attack, you bastard!" he hears someone scream in his face before having a body wrapped around him.
He has a moment to recognize it as Dani before she's pulling away and speaking again.
"What the hell were you thinking Bright! You could've killed yourself!" she screeches. There are hands all over his face, but his brain feels like its lagging.
His eyelids are being pried open and he immediately draws back at the onslaught of light. His head was killing him.
"What did you take? Malcolm, tell me right now or so help me!" Dani calls. His mouth feels like cotton and he just wants to curl up and sleep. He wanted to be alone.
He must've said part of that desire aloud because Dani responds, "there's no way I'm leaving you like this! You're lucky I haven't called an ambulance, I still might actually. AND Gil!"
"No-no, no ambulance. M'fine. Jus' the meds n' alcohol n't mix'in," Malcolm slurs forcing himself up into a seated position. It looks like he literally fell out of his chair. Oddly he didn't remember that. And based on the empty bottle and a half, he drank himself through his hard stash.
He didn't remember opening the second one either.
His hand felt sticky and warm, oh, he vomited. He had been laying in his own vomit.
"S'rry," he mumbles out realizing the mess Dani had walked into. She huffs and shakes her head angrily before pulling him up and onto his feet.
"No, Bright, apology not accepted! We are going to get you cleaned up and sobered up, then you are going to tell me what happened. You ARE going to talk to me Malcolm," she presses half dragging him down the stairs.
When they get to the bathroom he slides back down to the floor. Apparently he took "numbing himself" too far because he literally couldn't feel a thing.
"If I didn't think they'd put you in a rehab program or on the psych ward, I would've called that damn ambulance," Dani mutters drenching a washcloth. She gently rubs at his face and Malcolm has to admit he feels slightly better by the action.
Then his stomach heaves and he lurches forward to the toilet. She grabs another cloth and drenches it in cold water, draping it over his neck.
He empties everything he has in his stomach, and lays with his head on the seat for a few minutes.
"Are you still with me?" Dani asks tentatively, she had been pulling off his coat and suit jacket. Now his white dress shirt clung to him and his pants felt equally drenched in sweat.
"I c'nt tell," Malcolm jokes. She huffs but a small chuckle can be heard.
"Can you stand yet?" Dani asks. Malcolm shrugs his shoulder, not really wanting to move.
"No time to try like the present, let's go," she responds, pulling him up. He sways, but at least he has control over his legs.
"Okay, this is a start," Dani encourages. He glares at her, but based on his condition it probably comes off as just a glance.
"At risk of crossing a line, you're burning up and need to be in a cold shower for a minute. I'm not completely confident you can do that. So, I can help you strip to your boxers and stand. Or you can undress yourself and I'll sit with my back to the shower. Either way I'm not leaving. I don't trust you to not drown in the shower right now," she explains. Malcolm nods along half hearing what she's saying.
He pulls his hand away from her shoulder and his legs shake out under him.
"Okay, option A it is then," Dani answers herself, getting him into the shower.
It's big enough to comfortably fit them both and there's a ledge in it that she sits Malcolm on. She sets him down and takes off his shoes, socks, tie, dress shirt, belt and pants.
She throws them over the shower and he sits in just his boxers. Then she sighs and shakes off her jacket and own pants, leaving her in her t-shirt and underwear. Then she turns the water on cold.
Malcolm gets lost in the feeling of her scrubbing shampoo and conditioner into his scalp. He regains some sense of reality by the time Dani turns the water off and grabs a towel for him. She drys his hair and he reaches out and takes it from her to dry the rest of his body.
"Thanks Dani" he whispers. She smiles a small relieved smile and responds, "you're welcome."
She leaves the bathroom to change back into her jeans and jacket, which she has zipped all the way up when she returns with a pile of Malcolm's clothes.
"I'm fine, thank you," Malcolm says gratefully. Dani gives him a withering look.
"You are obviously not fine, but I'll leave so you can change. I'll make us tea and then we can talk, Malcolm. Because this-this is not okay, okay?" she asks, His head is clear enough he can see her shaking. He scared her.
He messed up again.
Malcolm purposefully takes as long as possible changing. But when he runs out of excuses and faces Dani in the kitchen.
As promised she offers him a steaming cup of tea.
"I see you actually have food now," Dani jokes.
"Edrisa," Malcolm answers with a small smile.
"I can see that, it looks like she's been a good influence," Dani says leaning on the countertop. Malcolm glances up, feeling a lecture coming on. He was not disappointed.
"You were doing better. Before Edrisa came here you were more 'Bright-ish' than usual and it was worrying us. Me, Gil, JT, we could all see how much you were struggling and you wouldn't talk to us! But when we were going to talk to you, you seemed better. You were less stressed and joking and eating. I-I thought you were doing okay again but now...I need to know whats going on Malcolm. We should've talked about this earlier and that was my fault, but I'm here to talk now. So please talk to me," Dani begs.
Malcolm gave her his full attention through her rant. He opened and closed his mouth to respond, but what could he say?
Yea, sorry about all of that! I was freaking out because I thought my sister killed someone again. Oh, by the way, she killed Endicott and I covered it up!
"What would you do for someone you loved?" he asks instead. Dani is obviously thrown by the question at first before responding, "someone I love? Anything."
Malcolm shakes his head.
"See, that's what we all believe until we have to do it. Then it all gets complicated," Malcolm admits.
"What did you do Bright?" Dani asks, taking a stool beside him.
"I-I can't tell you that. But it's not good Dani, and I don't know how to fix it," Malcolm admonishes.
"Did someone make you do something? Or was it your idea?" Dani asks. Malcolm thinks hard about the question.
He wanted to help, but it was his fathers idea to dispose of the body. His father walked him through it step-by-step. But Malcolm was complicit. An accomplice.
"I guess it was a mixture? Honestly. I wanted to help but it wasn't my idea," Malcolm says. Dani nods.
"Then it sounds like you did what you thought was right at the time. It sounds like you wanted to help because you love that person," Dani responds.
Malcolm nods with a small smile.
"And what would you do if someone you loved hurt you?" Malcolm whispers. Dani purses her lips.
"I guess it depends on why they did it. If I hurt them. Normally people we love don't hurt us for fun," Dani says. Malcolm chuckles an empty laugh.
"But what if that's exactly what they did? I mean, I probably deserved it but… she had fun hurting me," Malcolm slips.
"Malcolm, I don't know what's going on but don't let her drag you down with her. It sounds to me like Ainsley got herself into a mess and you were just trying to help but she didn't want it," Dani responds knowingly.
Malcolms head snaps to her face with a slightly pale look.
"It's not too hard to figure out. The only women in your life are your mother, sister, Edrisa and I. These past few weeks you've been glued to your phone and I know it's not me or Edrisa. That leaves your mother and sister… knowing of them both, it wasn't hard to guess Ainsley. I mean, she did film her own boyfriend's surgery, did a livestream of a crime scene and nearly got blown up with you… she can take things to the extreme," Dani explains.
Malcolm nods, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"I-I just don't know what to do," he whispers. Dani smiles a soft smile.
"It looks to me like you're killing yourself doing everything you can Malcolm. Maybe it's time that you let Ainsely deal with her own messes," Dani says kindly.
He opens his mouth immediately to argue but realizes he doesn't have much to say to that.
"And, maybe you should focus on what you can control. Like yourself," Dani interjects.
Malcolm looks back to his tea, staring at his reflection in the liquid.
"Well… I should get back to the hospital. JT has to get back to Tally and the baby," Dani says rising.
Malcolm looks over to the clock on the stove and jumps up as quick as his pounding headache would allow.
"It's 12:30am! I should've been there," Malcolm gasps running his hands through his hair.
Edrisa.
He told her that he would be back shortly, that was hours ago.
"Hey, you're fine. Edrisa said she wants you to stay here tonight and rest. She wants you to promise you'll relax," Dani says. Malcolm looks at her confused.
"I didn't tell her anything. I just said I found you asleep and you weren't feeling well," Dani says stiffly.
He felt a pang of guilt. Dani lied for him.
"Thank you," he says sincerely. As much as he wanted to rush back to Edrisa's bedside, he knew she would see right through him. She would know that something was wrong.
"Don't thank me yet," Dani responds, her phone chiming. She looks at it and grimaces at Malcolm, heading to his door.
He watches her in interest and then horror when she opens it.
A very angry Gil Arroyo stands in the doorway.
"Well, I'm going to go. Gil is going to stay with you and I'm going to stay with Edrisa. Have fun!" she calls, swiftly exiting around the older man.
"D-" Malcolm tries calling, but she's already running down the stairs.
"Hey kid," Gil breathes out. That single word seems to deflate the man. Leaving behind a new stance of disappointment.
And Malcolm decides he'd rather deal with the anger.
This was going to be a long night.