TW: miscarriage, mention of abortion, intense violence, overall melancholy. Get ready for a 10k+ word ride.

Early January, 825

A week after his fifth birthday, Levi was still upset. He kept going across the hall every day since the night of the incident, hoping for an answer.

That night in March, Amelia didn't return. Or the night after that. Nor the weeks after, or the months.

Now it had been nearly a year since Kuchel and Levi had seen her last. Levi was bitter, upset that his Auntie was suddenly missing from his life. Of course he appreciated having his mother most of all, but he missed spending time with Auntie Lia during the days when his mother worked. He missed her smile, her laugh, her gentle kisses on his cheeks. Kuchel knew that the pain she felt over the situation could not be near the level of discontent he felt over it. Amelia had been his second mother, and he loved her dearly– of course he would be unhappy when he had to celebrate a birthday for the first time without her.

Kuchel still went searching around for her every few days, but a week after her disappearance, the Boss made her clear out the room across the hall of any belongings so that he could get another prostitute moved in. It pained her to take the few belongings Amelia had out of the room, and aside from a few articles of clothing that Kuchel used herself out of necessity, the rest of the items were sitting in a box in the closet, awaiting the return of their owner. In her free time, she went around and asked Military Police officers about her friend, asking if they had seen her, or if any bodies had been found. Nothing.

No one had seen Amy for months, dead or alive.

The pimp was looking for more workers now, since Amelia was missing-in-action and Crystal had died a few months ago. It was no surprise to anyone, but as promised, Kuchel relished in the knowledge that the woman was no longer around to put her son in further danger. The blonde died alone in her room, and no one had seen her for a few days. Poor Brenda was the unlucky soul that stumbled upon her body withering away within the dark confines of her room, with no one to grieve for her. The older prostitute wouldn't have grieved over the loss of any of the other women in the brothel, so no one treated her with the same dignity.

Levi had grown a bit quieter, and smiled a bit less as the months progressed. The stress of the past year was wearing on the both of them, but she was trying her hardest to keep him happy. The only times he would give her a true smile came when she doted on him, when she littered his cheeks with kisses and read him bedtime stories. It brought the young mother some relief to know that her affection could help him feel better.

Despite the cold air drizzling into the Underground this time of the year, people had not been as keen to share warm beds with prostitutes as of late, leaving Kuchel to scrounge for money more than usual. The money Kenny had left behind was mostly gone, and she planned to use it only in a dire emergency. However, seeing as she was barely able to afford a meal a day for them, Kuchel figured she'd have to dip her fingers into the savings sooner than she would have liked to. Levi had grown a bit into the coat left behind by a client about a year ago, but not by a lot. It was still baggy on him, but it kept him warm while the air was so chilly.

Kuchel had decided that Levi was old enough to go out on his own to play with kids in the alleys by the brothel. He had gotten into a few scuffles from time to time, but overall, he seemed to enjoy it more than sitting in the room all day. The young woman knew that he needed bits of freedom now that he was getting older, and though it frightened her to let him go out sometimes, she also knew that he was tougher than most kids, and that Levi had a knack for staying out of troublesome situations. Her darling boy told her how some of the children would pick fights with him, and how he was nimble and sly enough to slip away before getting tangled up in messes like that.

Shit, maybe he did take after Kenny a bit.

Kuchel had let him go out a lot for the past few days because she had been feeling ill. It kept her stuck in bed, with intense cramping ebbing through her body. The doctor was coming to see her today, because she was feeling flashes of cold and hot at the same time, and her nightgown was constantly drenched in sweat.

"Mama, are you sure you want me to go out?" Levi frowned, standing by the side of the bed and running his fingers through his mother's long black hair. She couldn't help but gently grasp his wrist, guiding his cold hand to press against her steaming hot cheek for a moment. A breath of relief escaped her lips, and her eyes fluttered open to look up at him as she laid there.

"Yes baby, go have fun. Mama's gonna be okay. The doctor is coming to see me, and I don't want you worrying. It's probably a cold." Kuchel insisted, rubbing wherever she could on his forearm to assure him that everything was alright.

The worry in his eyes told her that he was not entirely sure that she was okay, but after looking at her for a long moment, he leaned down to press a kiss to her slick forehead. "I'll be back a bit later then. Are you hungry?"

Kuchel shook her head, forcing herself to use some of the little energy she had to give him a smile. "No, baby. Thank you. Go have fun, okay? Be careful, don't get into too much trouble."

"I won't, Mama." Levi returned the smile, pecking her cheek again. "I love you."

"I love you too, Li-Li." Kuchel felt a wave of comfort when her dear boy gave her loving kisses. Goodness, she was so lucky to have such a thoughtful and caring son.

After Levi went out, she waited for what felt like an eternity for the doctor to come. Kuchel tossed and turned, lying on her back and staring at the rafters on the ceiling and noticing that they were even dustier than she remembered.

Another cramp gripped her, causing her breath to hitch and making her wince. "Fuck, fuck, fuck… this is like the fucking contractions, fuck…" The woman didn't care about the filter she normally had at the moment– the pain was far too great for her to refrain from swearing. Levi wasn't in the room, anyway, so it didn't matter.

Once the pain faded away, Kuchel took a deep breath and stared back at the ceiling. Whenever she had a free moment, her mind wandered to Amelia. Sometimes she still found copper hairs on articles of clothing in their room, and it made her heart feel sore. What were the last words Amy had said to her?

"Levi and I had so much fun today drawing pictures. He drew a bit on the floor, but that's okay! I'll scrub it off tomorrow, it's just charcoal after all. Well, I'm beat. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Chelly! Love you!"

Kuchel didn't realise she had begun crying until the hot tears flooded in the crooks of her neck and dampened the pillow beneath her head. A sob shook her chest, the tears continuing to stream down wherever gravity took them. "L-Lia, damn it, where did you go? Why did you leave me all alone? Leave us all alone?"

A knock sounded at the door, and she hurried to wipe at the tears with the back of her hand. "I-It's open."

The doctor came in, and Kuchel sighed in relief when she saw that it was a woman. "Hello Ma'am.."

"Good morning, Miss… Miss Kuchel?"

"That's fine, thank you." She nodded weakly, watching the woman as she took a glance around the room. Kuchel knew that she'd seen far worse living conditions when tending to other patients in the Underground City, but she couldn't help the burning heat of embarrassment that flushed her cheeks a smidge. The doctor said nothing, coming over and beginning to examine her with careful but skilled hands.

"So, Miss Kuchel, what seems to be the problem?" She asked, brunette eyebrows knit in concentration as she pressed on her belly gently to test for pain.

The young dark-haired woman sighed, feeling mild discomfort at the pressure. "Cramps, sweating, fever..."

"Ah, I see. Seeing that you work in a brothel, I feel that it is safe to assume you've been having regular intercourse. Have you had cramping in your lower back, any nausea, other stomach issues...?"

Kuchel didn't like where this was going.

She swallowed thickly, feeling like her throat was suddenly stuffed with cotton. Mulling over the last couple of weeks, she nodded with her eyes locked on the ceiling rafters. Kuchel didn't want to see the look on the doctor's face. "Yes. All of those."

The woman was silent for a while, and after a brief examination of Kuchel's nether regions, she exhaled solemnly. "Would you like the good news first, or the bad news?"

Fuck.

"Bad news." She replied, readjusting the blanket to cover her pale legs again.

The doctor patted her thigh comfortingly, and some part of Kuchel wished she'd keep her hand on her leg. Not in a romantic way, but a platonic one. Without Amelia around anymore, she had no one besides Levi to receive affection from. While he had more than enough love for her, she still yearned for an adult around to talk to about everyday problems.

"Unfortunately, it looks like you were pregnant but lost the child fairly early on. There's blood in your undergarments, which is a key sign. I don't know if you were bleeding before this. Your midwife worked in my clinic and I looked over your file before coming here, and saw that you have a child already. She marked in the notes that your body would likely not handle another pregnancy. I wish it weren't the case. However, the good news is that there does not seem to be any sign of infection that will linger. You're going through the worst of it right now, but you will probably feel better as early as tomorrow or the day after."

"O-Oh." A breath struggled to escape her, feeling like her chest was tight.

The doctor frowned and gently took Kuchel's hand, trying once again to comfort her. "I'm sorry for your loss. I can prescribe you medicine, if you'd like me to."

"No, no thank you." The words had to be forced out of her, because they wanted to tumble back down her throat and get swallowed in the bile of her stomach. "I left the payment on the nightstand. Thank you for coming to check on me, Doctor."

The brunette took the hint, and let go of Kuchel's clammy hand to take the payment off the wooden surface by the bed. "Again, my sincerest condolences, Ms. Kuchel. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to come see me. I'd be happy to give you a free treatment if you need one."

"Thank you."

The door creaked shut, and the sound felt deafening in itself, though in reality it was so quiet. Kuchel felt something snap in her chest, causing her to roll over and scream into her pillow as loud as she could, with her fingers wringing into the cream-coloured fabric that was currently drenched in her sweat and tears. Every feeling she had felt so intense in that moment that she could scream for eternity. However, the rawness of her throat was the only thing that made her stop.

Eventually the screaming was reduced to sobs and sniffles as she hugged the pillow, her face blotchy and red from the crying. She had never been a pretty crier.

Kuchel had expected this to happen at some point, and knew that if she had gotten pregnant again that she would have to abort this time out of the sheer fact that neither her body nor her wallet could afford another child. Levi was more than enough for her, in every way.

That didn't stop it from ripping her heart in half, knowing that she had failed to keep a life going that was depending on her.

Had she eaten something bad? Had a client been too rough with her? Was she really just not capable of it anymore?

The poor woman's icy eyes were red and filled with wet tears that drenched the pillow and the skin of her cheeks. "A-Amy, fuck, I need you! Where are you when I need you?" She wailed into the fluffy pillow, feeling her throat burn. It was hard to breathe; it was hard to think straight. Kuchel missed her so much— she just couldn't believe that she was gone, vanished without a trace.

It felt like she cried forever, needing to let out all of the tension of the last five years that she felt like she'd had to hold in and keep under lock and key. It was so hard.

"Mommy?"

The tiny voice shook her out of her turmoil-ridden mindset for a moment, making her sit up on her elbows and look to see Levi standing against the door he had already closed behind him. His sweet blue eyes were filled with concern and confusion, and he quickly kicked off his shoes to rush over and get into bed with his mama. Before she knew it, he was cupping her cheeks and wiping some tears away with his delicate thumbs. "Tell me what's wrong, Mama… tell me how to help you… what happened? Did the doctor hurt you?"

Kuchel sniffled and looked up at him, shakily brushing some hair out of his eyes before cupping his cheek. "N-No baby, the doctor didn't hurt me… Mama's just very sad…"

Levi lowered himself to lie next to her, putting his arm around her waist and resting his cheek on her chest. The mere presence of her little angel calmed her soul– it truly did. "Why Mama? What happened? Can you tell me, or is it grown-up stuff?"

Rolling over onto her side, she enveloped her darling son in her arms, kissing his forehead and then taking a moment to litter the rest of his face with adoring smooches.

Should I tell him? Would he understand? He wants to know, but what if it makes him upset to know?

Kuchel mulled over it for a few moments, but decided that it was best to tell him in a non-graphic way what was wrong. Bad things happened, and hiding them from him wouldn't do him any favours.
"Well, sweetheart… The doctor told me that I was in pain because I was going to have another baby, but my body couldn't handle it. You were going to be a big brother." The words were almost impossible to get out without tears dripping from her eyes again. Levi quickly reached up to wipe the waterworks away, his black brows furrowed in dismay.

"Oh Mama… I see why you're sad. I'll take care of you. It's okay to be upset." He whispered solemnly, leaning up to kiss her cheeks and then give her a loving hug. "I love you, Mommy. It's okay to cry."

It's okay to cry.

He was so sweet. The noirette let out a sob, cradling his head and hugging him close. "Oh Levi, my darling, Mama loves you so much. More than you could ever imagine. I am so h-happy I have you in my life. There's not a second that goes by that I don't think of you and your precious smile. You're everything I could have ever wanted, don't forget that."

Levi's arms adjusted to hug her better, and his fingers carded through her long black hair to soothe her. "I love you too, Mommy. Lots and lots… I'll always be here to love you, I promise."

Her son paused for a moment, but then pulled away to touch her face carefully, making sure no hair was in her eyes or sticking to her wet cheeks. "Is the baby an angel now, Mama? Maybe?"

The innocent look in his eyes told Kuchel all that she could ever want to know in that moment– that despite the hardships they'd endured together in the Underground, his heart was still pure and wholesome. The boy hoped only that the baby that would have been his sibling was happy in heaven– whatever heaven was.

"I hope so, baby boy. No, I know so."

She had to believe that her lost child was in a better place. A better place than this underground nightmare. Perhaps heaven was bright, with natural sunlight and constant laughter, with enough food to live for eternity comfortably. Perhaps her lost child would wait for her in the afterlife, and she could meet them someday.

After what she'd done in her life, Kuchel wondered if a heaven could even exist for someone like her. A prostitute, a beggar, a thief, a woman prone to violence. She was everything society told her could never amount to anything— to her, she offered nothing to the world. In her mind, all she could think to do was to take good care of her blue-eyed, obsidian-haired son. Maybe he'd get to live a prosperous life and change the world someday; with his golden heart, she knew he'd get to rest comfortably after his eventual passing, hopefully a very long time from that moment.

She had no way of knowing that to her son, heaven was in her arms— it was her embrace, her kisses, her love.

Without her, nothing could be heaven.

…

Early April, 829

"Levi, come on now, try reading it again."

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose a bit and looking at the pages of the book while his mother trimmed his hair. She'd been teaching him how to read for the past few years, but sometimes he tripped over the words, or misread them. They only had one book that wasn't a children's nursery book, and he found it to be quite a dull tale.

Hearing the snip snip of the scissors by his ear, he tried once more to read the line, taking his time on this attempt.

"'You fear what you do not understand. I am more pow-er-ful than you all, but that does not mean I am a threat to hu-ma-ni-ty.'" Levi's frustration was evident when he had to sound out the words. He wished he could just have them memorised or something, wouldn't that make life easier? Maybe when he got used to seeing them, it would be like that. For now, he was stuck reading about this hero who was born with a magical power and a surreal amount of strength. Psh, and he acted so high and mighty about it. Levi swore that if he ever had abilities like that, he'd use them for good. Unlike this character, who seemed to only be interested in wooing ladies.

This was something that Levi had come to know as a common occurrence. Well, more like an astute observation. In Levi's young eyes, men were quite frankly atrocious.

Men were gruff and self-righteous; they yelled at the women in the brothel and treated them like objects, they pushed him out of the way in the corridor, and they reeked. Walls, they smelled putrid. It was a horrible combination of natural body odour, sweat, alcohol, cigarette smoke, and the lack of a bath. Whenever the stench clouded his senses, he'd hurry back to the room to scrub himself clean. Sometimes the scent lingered on Mama after she worked, and he'd help her clean up too, just like he always had.

His disdain for male figures stemmed from many little instances, but what bothered him the most sometimes was that he was a male. He didn't want to grow up to be like the gross clients— like the father he'd never met, like the man that tried to do unspeakable things to him, or even like the pimp that took cuts of his mother's pay that she rightfully earned.

No way will I ever be like them.

"Good job baby, you're getting the hang of it." She encouraged him, her voice soft and melodic like always as her gentle fingers traced over part of the freshly cut hair. Mama admired her work, having given him a handsome undercut this time, and it went well with his short and straight black locks. He shivered in reaction to her fingertips brushing over the back of his neck, and he couldn't help the smile that curled onto his lips when she laughed. "Oops! Did I tickle you?"

"Noooo~" He sing-songed, putting the book down and turning swiftly in the chair to stand on the seat on his knees, holding onto the back and giving her a grin. "I don't get tickles, Mama, that's not possible!"

"Oh, it's not?" He watched her rosy lips turn up into a smile of their own as she set the scissors aside. "Then I guess you wouldn't mind if I did this!"

Levi tried to jump away, but got accosted from both sides by his mother's quicker hands. She caught him and began to tickle him senseless, making him laugh so loudly that he was sure that everyone else in the brothel could hear him– he didn't care, though. When they laughed together like this, it was so simple to forget their circumstances in the Underground. Levi could tune out the sounds coming from the other rooms, the cheers of drunken men in the lobby, and at the moment he could even ignore the pangs of hunger in his belly. Mama had not been having as many clients as of late, so money was getting tighter.

He knew well that she was sacrificing her own meals to make sure he ate, but seeing the lack of colour in her pretty face always made him chew a bit more slowly. It almost made him lose his appetite altogether, no matter how long it had been since he'd eaten last.

She's been losing weight. Her hair looks more dull lately, and so do her eyes. She's even had a cough… I hope she isn't sick like Crystal was.

The worry of his mother meeting her demise due to illness was a constant fear that struck a chord inside him multiple times per week– even during happy times like the present moment. Why did he think of such things when they were supposed to be having fun, supposed to be enjoying their time together?

Maybe it was the gnawing dread that perhaps this joy could be cut short, and that he would be all alone.

"M-Mama! Ha, stop it!" He squealed, half-heartedly trying to break away from her seemingly iron-tight grip. In reality, Levi never wanted her to let him go. He loved every second of his mother's adoration, and couldn't fathom how other children in the streets dreaded their mothers. A particular boy named Willem came to mind, who once told Levi something that made him incredibly discontent.

Levi was sitting on a barrel, watching as two boys tried to duke it out with fake swords that they'd made from rusty pipes from behind the tavern. The young boy brushed some hair out of his eyes, watching with his methodical gaze and trying to analyse the way each kid fought with their weapons.

Liam was more prone to underhanded strikes, while Samuel tended to toss blows from overhead to try to stagger his opponent. It didn't particularly matter, since Levi wasn't going to engage in the play-fighting. He was just curious and liked to observe.

Willem came into the alley, huffing and puffing up a storm. The raven-haired boy silently watched as the other child kicked some stray metal cup against the brick wall in frustration. It made Liam and Sam stop their shenanigans to cast a look at him.

"What's your issue?" Levi piped up, grinding his heel into the barrel's metal collar and wondering how hard he'd have to kick it to make it pop right off.

"My mom! I hate her!" Willem snapped, kicking a crate and hissing when he struck it at the wrong angle. Levi exhaled in mild amusement, but only responded with a slow blink to the comment that the other boy had made, as if to tell him to continue. Or not, whatever his preference was.

"She pisses me off. Keeps tryna get me to wear these stupid pants that I hate, and she's making leek stew again! My dad's right, she's a bitch!"

He felt a knot curl up in his stomach. Who would ever talk about their mother like that? Didn't he appreciate her? What was the matter with him?

"It's not very thoughtful of you to say things like that." Levi replied, picking at some rusty nail dug into the barrel's lid with the edge of his fingernail. "You're lucky to have her, and you're lucky to have the clothes and the food…"

"Shut the fuck up, Levi." Willem sneered at him. "You've got no room to talk, your mom is a fucking whore anyway."

The dark-haired boy went home that day with blood stains on his clothes, but most of it was not his own. His mother tried to get the story out of him, but Levi refused to say anything further on the subject, unknowingly manifesting the same stubbornness she had exhibited as a young girl. Eventually, Mama dropped the conversation and just focused on cleaning him up and tending to his cuts and scrapes that he'd sustained from the encounter with the other child.

Willem didn't come to hang around in the alley after that. Good riddance.

"Only if you say the magic word, handsome~" She purred once more, peppering kisses wherever she could reach on his head. He twisted and shimmied around in her grasp, but even when hungry and tired his mother was still quite a bit stronger than him.

"P-Please! Pretty please Mama!" Levi chuckled heartily.

"And what are you?"

"Ticklish!"

She finally let go of him, thankfully before he peed himself laughing. Levi caught his breath, threading his fingers back through his newly done hair and revelling in the nice and clean feeling. Haircuts were his favourite, because Mama always did it so gently and made him feel like a special and handsome little boy. He didn't have any idea how cute he was, truly.

"It feels good, Mama. Thank you." He beamed, waltzing into her arms again to jump up and give her a kiss. However, even on his tiptoes, he couldn't reach, since he currently only stood with the top of his head reaching her sternum. Levi gave a soft whine to indicate that he wanted her to lean down, and she took the hint, giving him a sweet peck on the lips and rubbing her nose against his.

"You're so welcome, baby. You're such a good boy, you know that? What did Mama do to deserve you?"

"Mama…" His cheeks felt hot like this whenever she complimented him in such a manner, and he felt it almost reflexive to rub his nose to try to hide how sheepish he felt.

"Oh hush, you know I mean every word!" Mama insisted, sweeping up the black hairs on the ground and tossing it all into a small rubbish bin in the corner. "You are truly a little angel, Li-Li. Mama hit the jackpot with you, ya hear?" She giggled, coming over to cup his cheeks and look at him with nothing but pure love written across her features. "My my, how fast the time has gone. Before I know it you'll be a man, off doing big, amazing things. You'll forget all about your old Mama."

"No!" Levi immediately challenged, his eyebrows furrowed in concern and a bit of hurt as well. "Never, Mama. I'd never forget about you. Or leave you behind. I love you."

"Oh Levi, aren't you just the sweetest?" Mama hummed, wrapping her arms around him to give him a warm hug. Levi wrapped his arms around her midsection, resting his cheek against her chest and listening to her heartbeat for a moment. It comforted him to hear it, and had since before he could remember. Nothing was nicer than curling up with his mama after a long day, feeling her heart thrum in her chest and against the flesh of his cheek while she ran her fingers through his hair. It felt funny to hear her abdomen vibrate against his face when she sang him songs, but it was a hum that lulled him to sleep with its familiarity.

Right now, though, he was forced to pull away when a cough wracked her small frame, causing him to look up with worry etched into his sharp features. Even as a nine-year-old, the boy looked rather serious most of the time.

"Mama, are you okay?" He kept his tone low, reaching up to gently touch her cheek and make sure her hair wasn't in her eyes. Levi always worried about that, since she never seemed to worry about cutting her hair as much as she worried about keeping his locks trimmed and tidy. Her cheek felt a bit cold, but she hummed in response. The young boy could tell she didn't feel her best, but didn't want to push it for fear of stressing her more than she already was.

"Yes baby, Mama's just fine. Thank you." She pressed a kiss to his forehead, brushing some of his hair out of the way to do so. "Hey, I have a treat for you. Would you like to see it?"

A treat? That was unusual, and it wasn't her birthday or his. What reason would she have to get him a treat?

"Sure, Mama."

He watched as she pulled away, and his eyes followed her to the closet, where she reached up to the top shelf that he was still far too short to reach. Her slender fingers grasped a small tin, and then her other hand craned upwards to grab a cup. It wasn't any old cup, though. Mama smiled, coming over and showing him the two items with a proud smile on her pink lips. "I managed to get us a little tea… I have had this teacup saved for a few years, waiting to get some for you to try. It's wonderful– want me to brew you a cup, little birdie?"

"Tea?" He questioned, his eyes lighting up as he nodded a bit in response. Levi had heard stories about how good tea tasted, and was eager to finally taste some.

"Yes, tea!" She hummed, going to the stove and pouring some of the water from their bucket (that hadn't been used for bathing or anything else yet) into the cast-iron pot. Levi grabbed the chair he'd been sitting in before, pulling it up by the stove and kneeling on it to watch what she did to prepare the drink. It took a little time for the water to boil, but once it was hot enough, he watched his mother spoon loose leaves into the porcelain teacup. Within a few minutes of her pouring the liquid into the cup, it turned a dark brown colour and relinquished a wonderful aroma that made Levi inhale deeply, exhaling with a delighted sound.

"Mama that smells soooo nice…"

"I know, doesn't it? When I was younger, I had this kind of tea at my grandpa's house. He lived above ground so it was much easier to get a hold of good leaves. These ones are a bit old but it smells like they're still good."

"Above ground?" Levi asked. "So you've seen the Sun, Mama? And the Moon and the stars?"

"Mhm. They're very lovely. Maybe someday I can take you above ground and show you all of the things up there." Mama replied, blowing some of the steam off of the surface of the tea. Levi watched the smokey substance curl through the air.

"Is it hard to go up, Mama?"

After she decided that the tea was sufficiently cool, she took a spoonful of it and held it to his lips, her hand cupped under the utensil to make sure that it didn't drip. "Sometimes, baby. Mama doesn't have money for the stairwell, or for citizenships, so yes, for us it would be hard to go up there. Here, taste."

He frowned at her explanation of the costs of getting above ground, but complied in taking a sip of the dark liquid. Once it hit his tongue, his eyes lit up and nearly sparkled like stars from the sheer excitement and bliss from just a small taste. "Wow! Mama I want more of that! Pretty please?"

Kuchel laughed warmly, making him sit on his butt and guiding him to cup the vessel with two hands. "Yes, of course. The whole cup is yours! Just place it up on the stove gently when you're done so I can wash it up, okay?"

"Do you want some?" Levi asked, his blue-grey eyes flickering up to meet his mother's loving gaze, who grinned and chastely kissed his nose. "No thank you, darling. You are so generous, but that cup is all for you. Enjoy it~"

"Thank you Mama." He inhaled the rich scent of the tea again, closing his eyes before taking another sip. Each mouthful he took was to try to achieve maximum enjoyment while it was still hot, letting the liquid spread over his tongue so he could taste every bit of it. It was quite disappointing when the fragile cup was finally empty, leaving him wanting for more but never daring to ask for it. Levi had learned from a young age that everything they had in the Underground City was a blessing, that nothing should be taken for granted, and that asking for more always made him feel guilty for some reason, even if there was enough of something to go around or have seconds (which was not often). Mama had never made him feel bad for asking for more when he did, but he saw children with less than him on the streets when they went to the market, so all he could think about was how those kids deserved more. He wished he could give them things to help, but he was young and didn't have much to give.

"Go ahead and set the cup up on the stove, Li-Li. I'll clean it a bit later." He watched his mother sit on the bed, brushing out her long black hair. Levi nodded, setting up the cup carefully before coming over to the bed. He climbed up and plopped down behind her, taking the brush and starting to go through her hair. Something about grooming her hair calmed him, watching the bristles part the silky strands that were darker than the high ceilings of the Underground City. Levi admired how most of her hair was straight, but the ends that reached below her shoulder blades looped into natural, loose curls.

"You're so pretty~" He sing-songed. "My pretty pretty Mama~"

"Levi, you are so sweet." It was evident without looking at her that her cheeks were pink from his compliment. Levi knew well that he was the only one who told his mother such things, because no other man that came into the brothel had a polite bone in their body. He didn't mind showering her with compliments, because he loved her so dearly and meant every word.

When Levi was done brushing, he grabbed a tie for her hair, holding it between his canines to avoid biting down with his loose front teeth as he began to do a three-plait braid. His nimble fingers began pulling strands from the crown of her head, and getting every bit he could as he worked his way back. It pleased him to hear Mama humming in delight, and to see her shoulders relaxing as he manipulated her lustrous hair that he soon tied off.

"All done, Mama~" He informed her, standing on his knees and hugging her around her shoulders from behind, planting a generous kiss on the apple of her cheek. She turned and hooked her arms around his slender body, manoeuvring to playfully pin him to the bed and leave ticklish kisses on his cheeks and wherever else she could reach. However, Mama didn't get to do this for long, because there was a knock at the door that made her pull away and curse under her breath.

"Damn it. Ah, oops. Don't repeat that." She tapped Levi's nose, sitting up and pulling him up off the bed with her. "Thank you for fixing my hair, birdie. Unfortunately Mama's gotta work now. How about you go out and play with some of the kids like you do sometimes? I'm sure your friends miss you."

"Friends?" Levi blew out some air from his nose incredulously, batting his half-lidded eyes a bit in amusement. "I don't have friends, Mama."

"Oh, you stubborn little munchkin. Yes you do~" She then cupped his cheeks, kissing them each once below his eyes and then ending on his nose. "Go have fun. Come back if you need me, okay baby?"

He nodded and gave her a little smile, leaning up to give her a peck. "Okay. I love you, Mama."

"And I love you, my sweet little angel."

He hurried to get his shoes on, opening the door with Mama standing behind him. He knew that Mama went into the room next door with clients for his sake, so he figured that she was following to escort the man. The man was more than twice Levi's height, and he had to crane his neck to look up at him. Levi did not have much patience for clients, so he waited only a brief moment before saying plainly, "I'd like to get past you."

"Heh, kid's got an attitude so young, eh?" The client blew some smoke out of his nose with a touch of mirth in his tone. The man went to reach and tousle Levi's dark hair, but the heavy palm never touched the top of his head. It made Levi flick his gaze up and to the side, seeing his mother's fingers wrapped around the customer's wrist. A sickeningly sweet smile was plastered across her lips, and she spoke in a tone that only her son knew was unnatural and quite fake.

"Sorry, he's just tired. Please don't touch his head, though, he doesn't like that. Care to go over to the next room, dear?"

He knew it was his time to make an exit, and did so promptly. The young boy knew that his mother didn't like him interacting with the clientele longer than absolutely necessary, nor did it please her when he had to see her catering her kindness to such vile people.

His feet carried him down the creaky and rickety brothel stairs and into the lobby, where there was a large array of different customers enjoying whatever services they'd come there for that could be serviced in the lobby– gambling, drinking, smoking, having a lady hang on their every word and laugh at their idiotic jokes that always fell flat. It made him scrunch his nose in disgust as he weaved between the legs of strangers and familiar faces alike.

One of the faces he recognised on his way out was that of Brenda, the other prostitute he knew for almost his entire life. She was usually around when Auntie Amelia had taken care of him, her chocolate brown hair always long and fun to braid. Her eyes matched her lush locks, and freckles graced her high cheekbones– Levi was quite sure there was a period of time where he thought he had a crush on her. His mother thought that was so cute that she even told Brenda herself. How mortifying.

She spotted him brushing past her waist, and reached to shuffle her gentle fingers quickly through his hair as he walked. "Hey there shortie, make sure you be careful outside!"

"I will, Brenda!" Levi called back to her, opening the door to the brothel and sighing in relief once he could fill his lungs with air that wasn't saturated with tobacco smoke and boozy-breath. However, the dank air outside wasn't that much better. It was the Underground City after all, which meant the wretched stench of sewage and decay almost always lingered on one's nostrils, no matter what. Levi would never admit it to anyone, especially his mother, but he truly loathed it down here. Mama said that she'd visited the world above them before, and he wondered if the air was crisp and fresh, whatever that may mean. It must smell better than down here– anything had to be better up there than down here, besides the closer proximity to the threat of Titans.

He was told that the Walls had been up for a little more than eighty years, so it didn't seem like danger was coming anytime soon.

I probably wouldn't ever be able to get above ground to see any of it, anyway. Not even the Titans.
The thought made him sigh deeply, and he paused in an alleyway to lean against a brick wall and stare upwards, looking at the stalactites hanging from the large cavern that housed the city. Sometimes it felt less like a city and more like a cage that he yearned to free himself and his beloved mother from. This subterranean world was not one he wanted to live the rest of his life in, and he certainly didn't want his mother to be stuck down here forever either.

I will get us out of here someday. I'll get big and strong so that I can earn all the money we'll need to go live up there in the sunshine. Then Mama won't have to do her job anymore, and she can be happy.

Levi was so caught up in his thoughts that he was far too late to react to the hand that grabbed him by the back of his neck, thrusting his face against the brick wall and making him yelp in pain. "Oi, fuck! Let go of me!" He yelled, immediately throwing his heel backwards to try to nail a hit on whoever pinned him.

"Shut the fuck up, Levi!" A familiar voice sneered, causing his cold eyes to flicker towards the direction of the voice. He growled and struggled against the one who had restrained him, but after throwing a glance back, he realised this guy was a kid much older than him– from the size of him, he was at least 15.

The older boy holding him jostled him, tossing him down to the dirty ground of the alley and causing him to yelp from the sudden impact. Levi didn't even have time to get on his knees before a boot was crushed into his shoulders, squishing him like an insect into the earth and pushing air out of his lungs. The toe of a shoe tapped under his now scraped chin, making him look up with squinted eyes. He gritted his teeth, looking at the familiar figure with disdain.

"Willem."

"Long time, no see, runt. How's your whore mom? Did you get kicked out of the room so she could get railed?"

"Shut up!" The dark-haired boy seethed, trying to push himself up quickly but being smothered again by the weight of the older boy's boot.

"Nah, I like to see how uncomfortable it makes you, especially after you broke my nose."

"It isn't my fault you're a sad sop of a son to your own mother!" He barked back, receiving a kick to his ear by the person keeping him on the ground and feeling dizzy when it rang from the blow.

"My big brother hates my old woman just as much as my dad and I do, so be careful with your words, punk." Willem spat, making Levi crane his neck up a bit more to look at him. It pained him to tilt his head up this much, but he wouldn't show it. He refused.

"What the fuck do you want?" Levi hissed, digging his fingers into the dusty dirt on the ground beneath him and making hard eye contact with Willem. The bastard had the ugliest face he'd seen on a kid his age– a face only a mother could love, truly.

"Payback for humiliating me in front of Liam and Samuel. That broken nose took weeks to heal right and my nose is still fucked up. My old man whupped my ass for getting into a fight, so it's only right that you get a dose of what I had to go through."

"Then do it yourself, without the help of your brother who is twice our age. It only shows that you're a coward." The black curtain of freshly cut hair was getting in his eyes, and he blew some of the threads out of the way to keep his gaze on Willem's every move. Before Willem replied, his elder brother stomped his boot heel down into Levi's shoulder blade, making him cry out in pain. It was blinding, like something had broken. However, he hadn't heard a crack or snap of bone, so he tried to roll away when the teen's foot raised up again to try to pummel him further into the soil.

Although he managed to roll out from under the shoe of Willem's brother, he received a blow to the chin from Willem himself. He immediately tasted blood, telling him that the lip split making contact with his front teeth. A quick swipe of his tongue confirmed this, but also made him realise that two of his teeth had gotten knocked out– oh well, they were baby teeth anyway.

Levi could have sworn he saw black spots when the brother reached down and threw a fist into his stomach, causing his breakfast of crackers and tea to come right back up. The acidic taste and sour smell of puke mixing into the sandy ground of the alley made him woozy in its own right, but with each blow somewhere on his frail body, he felt like his consciousness was fleeting.

Why can't I fight? What's wrong with me?

He barely realised that Willem and his brother stopped, or that they were chased off by an officer from the Military Police that was passing by the dark walkway. It was a woman, and she crouched in front of the boy who was still crumpled on the ground. He felt so pathetic, so dirty, so completely and utterly ashamed for not being able to defend himself against his assailants. Part of Levi wished that he was invisible.

"Hey, kid, are you okay?" The feminine voice penetrated through the incessant ringing in his ears, and Levi winced at the aches and pains all over his body as he sat up. Leaning his bruised shoulders against the brick wall, he brushed the back of his hand over his mouth, grimacing at the smell and feel of the mixture of vomit and blood that he wiped away. Disgusting.

"F-Fine, Miss. Thank you for scaring them away."

"Oh sweetie, your teeth got knocked out, and you look worse for wear. Do you want me to walk you home?" She asked him, looking at him worriedly with young and innocent eyes. It finally registered in his mind that this woman was quite young, maybe the same age as Willem's brother. Poor woman must have graduated from the Cadet Corps only to be stationed in humanity's living hell.

Instead of accepting the help, Levi shakily rose to his feet, trying to collect himself as his vision began to spin. "No, thank you, Miss. Home is nearby. I'll be okay."

He could hear the frown on her face when she spoke. "Oh, okay. Well I'll be nearby if you need me, alright?"

With a simple nod, Levi began to stumble back to the brothel, wondering how he was going to explain what happened to Mama. Would she be mad at him for not fighting back?

No, Mama wouldn't be upset about that. She doesn't like it when I fight, anyway. If anything she'd be proud of me for restraining myself, probably.
Tears started to dribble down his round cheeks, stinging on the scrapes on his jaw and chin from hitting the ground. How lame, how weak and pathetic he was. Everyone around him seemed to be so much bigger, so much stronger than he was. How could he fend for himself in the Underground City, or hope to earn the money for himself and his mother to go above ground if he was so weak?

Levi gritted his teeth as he went into the brothel through the back entrance, not wanting to go in through the lobby for Brenda to see him all battered after only having spent a maximum of ten minutes outside the building. If she knew that she would probably never let him go outside by himself again. His mother probably wasn't going to let him go out on his own for some time now, either.

Before climbing the stairs, he dusted his clothing off as much as he could with his roughened up palms, biting back tears at the feeling of gritty dirt grazing his scuffed hands. Levi didn't want to look like he had just been battered into the street.

The stairs in the back were just as unsteady as the main stairs he used nearer to their room, but the boards didn't creak as much. He couldn't really hear much commotion upstairs, meaning that most of the women were probably downstairs helping out at the bar or at the card tables instead of servicing men like his mother had to.

Damn it. She's probably still occupied. I'll have to wait around.

The thought of that bastard from before laying his hands on his mother made him upset, but he knew that he couldn't do much about it. She told him that she had to work so that they could eat, but sometimes Levi felt like he would rather starve than have her subject herself to the wants and desires of the clientele.

Walking nearer to the room, Levi felt something was amiss. He heard a noise coming from the spare room next to theirs that Mama used for the clients, but something about the sound was leaving him unsettled.

"S-Stop! Let me go!"

Levi's blood ran cold when he heard the familiar feminine voice behind the door, pleading desperately with what seemed to be a lack of breath. It made his own breath catch in his throat, and he quickly went into their room, grabbing the nearest weapon that he could. The first thing that caught his eye was the handle of the sharp metal scissors that his mother had used to cut his hair what seemed like mere minutes ago. He then raced out of the room, kicking the door open and not caring what he was about to see.

He didn't care if everything was okay, if he would get in trouble for barging in on his mother and a client, if he saw things a child wasn't meant to see– all Levi cared about was making sure she was okay. To the young boy, it was well worth the risk of a punishment to be sure. If he did nothing and his mother ended up being hurt, he'd never be able to forgive himself for turning a blind eye like the pimp of the brothel did whenever a worker got hurt.

His gut instinct was right.

The client that had tried to be friendly with him before was now pinning his sweet mother onto the mattress, and in a flash, the attempted assault on him four years ago flashed through his memory; the fear, the helplessness, the worry. It all came back at once, like he'd been suddenly struck by a horse-drawn carriage. Seeing his mother so terrified with this bastard's large and dangerous hand wrapped around her throat made his mind spin, especially when she tried to crane her neck to look at him.

The amount of colour that had drained from her face was alarming, and her hand that had been clutching the man's wrist to try to pull him away from her let go to reach for Levi, though the look in her dulling blue eyes told him to stay far away. "-evi! Run!"

"Shut up, bitch!" The man throttled her and shook her with his hand still around her throat, making her yelp with the little air left in her lungs. Even her legs, which had been squirming under his weight to try to throw him off, had begun to slow down and weaken. As soon as her knees gave out and let the weight of her calves hit the mattress, something in him snapped.

His small hand gripped the handle of the scissors, and it was like a switch flipped in his head. The adrenaline exploded in his veins, and anyone who saw his expression would have only been able to describe it as feral, his eyes wide and filled with pure malice.

Levi almost broke the floorboards pushing off to charge at him, a scream ripping from his throat that was still raw from puking before in the alleyway. Any of the pain that had been lingering in his body was now replaced with rage, with intensity that was almost too much to handle for his petite figure. He'd heard stories of big bad wolves that ripped people to shreds with their drooling jowls and razor sharp fangs, and in that moment it truly felt like he was a wild animal that could not be tamed by any man.

His first move was to slash the scissors across the man's arm that was holding her down by her throat, and the scarlet liquid burst from the torn skin as though it had been itching to flow across the white fabric of the bedsheets and his mother's dress. The client screamed, reeling away from Mama and trying to push himself back and away from the woman who was straddled beneath him. Levi was too fast, and drove the twin blades straight through his trachea, swinging the blade out again to let the crimson blood flow from his neck. The bastard's calloused and tobacco-stained hand clamped over Levi's face, but the young boy did not hesitate in opening his mouth before clamping down on whatever was within reach. Hard.

He could tell that the man was trying to curse in pain when he bit a finger right off, down to the bone, but it was garbled from the blood that was running down into his esophagus. Levi almost impressed himself for a moment, having bit off a finger with only two front teeth in his mouth at the moment and raw gums.

His own onyx hair swished into his eyes, but was quickly thrown out of the way with the momentum of Levi jamming the scissors straight into the fucker's eye socket. He'd stopped caring about the vermillion blood that was staining everything around them, only worried about saving his mother from the clutches of this fiend. The boy left the dual blades lodged into the man's head, not caring about the screams he tried to desperately make. It was too late– with wounds like that he was going to die, and Levi knew this well.

"I HOPE YOU FUCKING BURN IN HELL FOR TOUCHING MY MOMMY!" He shrieked, his throat feeling as though he'd gulped down mouthfuls of sand and boiling water. Levi didn't even care; he couldn't control how angry he was as he used all of his strength to push the man backwards off the bed. The customer's heavy body tumbled to the floor, and Levi fell back onto his butt near his mother. It soon dawned on him that the man stopped breathing, now only bleeding out on the wooden floorboards.

Levi killed him.

He felt dizzy suddenly, the adrenaline wearing off and the pain returning to seep into his bones. Everything hurt, but after catching his breath, he didn't care. Levi hurried to climb over his Mama, cupping her cheeks and looking at her with worry and shame overflowing in his faded periwinkle eyes. "M-Mommy, Mommy open your eyes…" He whimpered, tears bubbling on the waterline of his eyes before escaping and rushing down his scraped cheeks again.

He pressed an ear to her chest, letting out a sigh of relief when the familiar and comforting ba-dum, ba-dum piddled against her ribs, as weak as it sounded in the moment. It meant she was alive.

Gently grasping her shoulders, he jostled her ever so slightly to try to get a reaction out of her. He opened her eyelid to look and see if she would smack him away or react in any way. He just wanted something. "Mommy, Mommy please. Please wake up, please please please. I-I'll be a good boy, I'll clean the whole room, the whole brothel, I'll wash all the clothes and make all the food for as long as you want… just please wake up."

The longer his begging went on, the more red and puffy his eyes looked. Every second she didn't answer made his heart feel heavier than lead. He didn't understand. If she was alive, then why wasn't she answering? What was wrong with her?

He cried his poor heart out for longer than he knew, because soon Brenda and a few other prostitutes found him crying over his unconscious mother, having curled up to her. When Brenda saw the heartbroken look on his face, it almost made her shed her own tears.

"Levi, Levi come on sweetie, we have to-"

"No, no! Don't take Mommy away! She's not dead! She's alive and she's g-gonna wake up soon! Brenda please!" He caterwauled, clutching and clinging onto his mother like she was his last tether to the real world.

"Levi, okay! But honey we need to clean you and Olympia up, she's covered in blood and so are you." The brunette spoke softly and sweetly to the young boy, touching his cheek with delicate fingertips that reminded him of how his mother had traced her own across the back of his neck a short time ago.

"H-Her name is Kuchel, not Olympia. She's Mama. She's my mama." He babbled, feeling his whole body get weak as he was lifted from the bed by the generous brown-haired woman. She cradled his head, whispering soft shushes and comforting words to him as she carried him out of the room and to the room with the biggest wash basin for a bath.

"It's gonna be okay, babydoll. We're gonna clean you up and take care of you. Your mama too…"

"Mama?" Levi whimpered, feeling his eyes growing heavier than he could fight against. Exhaustion was taking him over quickly, and even the cold water of a bath didn't wake him up when they put him in.

"Mama… Mama…"

He repeated himself over and over, even once he was safe in bed with his darling mother, who had been cleaned up and put in a new dress that wasn't tainted with the man's blood. Brenda tried to console him, but eventually he just wanted to be left alone with her, only accompanied by Mr. Bun-Bun, who was held tightly to his chest, and the soft flickers of the illuminating candles. His tired eyes trailed to see the marks around her neck left from that bastard's unholy hands, and a weak sob slipped from his lips. It was all he had the energy to do after the ordeals of the day.

If only I had gotten there sooner. If only I'd protected her quicker. Mommy, I'm sorry.

A few weeks passed, and he felt more helpless every day, thinning out even with the aid that Brenda had given to him to take care of her while she was comatosed. Levi couldn't eat knowing that his Mama was hurt. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe he pissed off the client when he was rude to him. The thought made him feel even more guilty than before.

It felt like she would never awaken, like he would never hear her sing lullabies or laugh again. The mere possibility of that made him contemplate ending his own miserable existence for a moment– his Mama was all he knew, and he loved her with every fibre of his being.

One evening, the door opened and let the candlelight from the hall into the dark room, with a tall but unfamiliar figure casting a silhouette across the floor.

"Ah fuck, Kuchel, what have ya gotten yerself into this time?"

Hello, yes [tents hands] I cause problems on purpose, don't I? My apologies.

Also, Levi was braiding a French braid into his mom's hair, but I had this dilemma where I was like "wtf do I call it if France doesn't exist?". A Google search later revealed the only other names are an Oklahoma braid and a Dutch braid- very helpful, amazing.

The Song Awards for this chapter go to M'envoler vers toi by Phil Rey, and Tout l'univers by Gjon's tears. If you listen to them you'll probably be able to figure out which one I was listening to when I was writing certain scenes, lol. Thanks for reading!